depression was my reality for the last two years of high school but contrary to
two years of high school but contrary to
two years of high school but contrary to common notions of depression it’s not
common notions of depression it’s not
common notions of depression it’s not just about sadness it’s so much more
just about sadness it’s so much more
just about sadness it’s so much more depression is dejection it’s crankiness
depression is dejection it’s crankiness
depression is dejection it’s crankiness and irritability it’s waking seven
and irritability it’s waking seven
and irritability it’s waking seven pounds of it in my case it’s deep
pounds of it in my case it’s deep
pounds of it in my case it’s deep self-loathing and an even deeper pit of
self-loathing and an even deeper pit of
self-loathing and an even deeper pit of hopeless emptiness in my own experience
hopeless emptiness in my own experience
hopeless emptiness in my own experience depression negatively affected my grades
depression negatively affected my grades
depression negatively affected my grades aggravating my self-loathing the
aggravating my self-loathing the
aggravating my self-loathing the crankiness made me an annoying daughter
crankiness made me an annoying daughter
crankiness made me an annoying daughter and an even more annoying friend I went
and an even more annoying friend I went
and an even more annoying friend I went through my days feeling empty and
through my days feeling empty and
through my days feeling empty and wanting to sleep most of the time though
wanting to sleep most of the time though
wanting to sleep most of the time though often it wasn’t for a lack of rest seven
often it wasn’t for a lack of rest seven
often it wasn’t for a lack of rest seven pounds of extra weight severely damaged
pounds of extra weight severely damaged
pounds of extra weight severely damaged my self-image as I was never happy with
my self-image as I was never happy with
my self-image as I was never happy with what I saw in the mirror for me one of
what I saw in the mirror for me one of
what I saw in the mirror for me one of the worst aspects of depression was
the worst aspects of depression was
the worst aspects of depression was being acutely aware of my own mental
being acutely aware of my own mental
being acutely aware of my own mental state I felt abnormal and inadequate
state I felt abnormal and inadequate
state I felt abnormal and inadequate dysfunctional in some way that added to
dysfunctional in some way that added to
dysfunctional in some way that added to my existing depression and I was stuck
my existing depression and I was stuck
my existing depression and I was stuck in an endless cycle of self-loathing I
in an endless cycle of self-loathing I
in an endless cycle of self-loathing I tried talking to my friends about it but
tried talking to my friends about it but
tried talking to my friends about it but their advice is weak get some sleep so
their advice is weak get some sleep so
their advice is weak get some sleep so that you won’t be as cranky go work out
that you won’t be as cranky go work out
that you won’t be as cranky go work out so that you lose the weight just think
so that you lose the weight just think
so that you lose the weight just think positively
positively
positively and maybe you won’t be so down in the
and maybe you won’t be so down in the
and maybe you won’t be so down in the dumps all the time I had no ideas then
dumps all the time I had no ideas then
dumps all the time I had no ideas then and I’m sure they didn’t either that
and I’m sure they didn’t either that
and I’m sure they didn’t either that what I was experiencing had a name my
what I was experiencing had a name my
what I was experiencing had a name my friends seem to be living perfectly
friends seem to be living perfectly
friends seem to be living perfectly normal lives watching Bollywood movies
normal lives watching Bollywood movies
normal lives watching Bollywood movies in their basements over a Nutella
in their basements over a Nutella
in their basements over a Nutella brownies I seem to be the only one going
brownies I seem to be the only one going
brownies I seem to be the only one going through this could that be the case if
through this could that be the case if
through this could that be the case if it were what was wrong with me was I
it were what was wrong with me was I
it were what was wrong with me was I crazy it was that last thought that
crazy it was that last thought that
crazy it was that last thought that imparted me to seek help until I needed
imparted me to seek help until I needed
imparted me to seek help until I needed help myself I had operated under the
help myself I had operated under the
help myself I had operated under the gross assumption that therapy was only
gross assumption that therapy was only
gross assumption that therapy was only for the really crazy and so out of fear
for the really crazy and so out of fear
for the really crazy and so out of fear of getting crazier I decided to seek out
of getting crazier I decided to seek out
of getting crazier I decided to seek out a therapist myself I started using my
a therapist myself I started using my
a therapist myself I started using my school’s confidential
school’s confidential
school’s confidential psychological services once a week for
psychological services once a week for
psychological services once a week for several months but quietly I told no one
several months but quietly I told no one
several months but quietly I told no one my choice to keep it a secret was very
my choice to keep it a secret was very
my choice to keep it a secret was very deliberate I didn’t want anyone to think
deliberate I didn’t want anyone to think
deliberate I didn’t want anyone to think that I was crazy and I certainly didn’t
that I was crazy and I certainly didn’t
that I was crazy and I certainly didn’t want to be the end of anyone’s pity
want to be the end of anyone’s pity
want to be the end of anyone’s pity either I didn’t know going in that those
either I didn’t know going in that those
either I didn’t know going in that those weekly therapy sessions would not only
weekly therapy sessions would not only
weekly therapy sessions would not only change how I saw depression but also my
change how I saw depression but also my
change how I saw depression but also my entire worldview my therapist said some
entire worldview my therapist said some
entire worldview my therapist said some things to me that have stuck with me
things to me that have stuck with me
things to me that have stuck with me since our sessions together she said
since our sessions together she said
since our sessions together she said you’re not crazy and this this isn’t
you’re not crazy and this this isn’t
you’re not crazy and this this isn’t something you need to overcome this is
something you need to overcome this is
something you need to overcome this is just your reality and some people like
just your reality and some people like
just your reality and some people like you just need a little bit more help
you just need a little bit more help
you just need a little bit more help guiding their own realities and that’s
guiding their own realities and that’s
guiding their own realities and that’s okay
okay
okay those therapy sessions helped me
those therapy sessions helped me
those therapy sessions helped me navigate the world from a depressed
navigate the world from a depressed
navigate the world from a depressed mental state so well in fact that I
mental state so well in fact that I
mental state so well in fact that I ended up graduating high school with a
ended up graduating high school with a
ended up graduating high school with a 4.0 and landed myself in a pretty
4.0 and landed myself in a pretty
4.0 and landed myself in a pretty prestigious institution in upstate New
prestigious institution in upstate New
prestigious institution in upstate New York but that doesn’t mean that I’ve
York but that doesn’t mean that I’ve
York but that doesn’t mean that I’ve overcome anything at all or that I’m
overcome anything at all or that I’m
overcome anything at all or that I’m cured
cured
cured that’s not how depression works it comes
that’s not how depression works it comes
that’s not how depression works it comes and goes
and goes
and goes and most likely always will but those
and most likely always will but those
and most likely always will but those therapy sessions also taught me a very
therapy sessions also taught me a very
therapy sessions also taught me a very simple concept
simple concept
simple concept you can’t know light without the
you can’t know light without the
you can’t know light without the darkness since then I have been much
darkness since then I have been much
darkness since then I have been much more cognizant of happy moments in my
more cognizant of happy moments in my
more cognizant of happy moments in my life without dismissing the depressed
life without dismissing the depressed
life without dismissing the depressed ones since then I have tried to never
ones since then I have tried to never
ones since then I have tried to never take for granted any of my experiences
take for granted any of my experiences
take for granted any of my experiences be they good or bad the bad have helped
be they good or bad the bad have helped
be they good or bad the bad have helped me better savor the good and the good
me better savor the good and the good
me better savor the good and the good have helped me better understand the bad
have helped me better understand the bad
have helped me better understand the bad from all of this I concluded sometimes
from all of this I concluded sometimes
from all of this I concluded sometimes we need a little craziness to appreciate
we need a little craziness to appreciate
we need a little craziness to appreciate the world around us and that’s okay
the world around us and that’s okay
the world around us and that’s okay it makes us human we must reject the
it makes us human we must reject the
it makes us human we must reject the notion that those of us with depression
notion that those of us with depression
notion that those of us with depression are abnormal or inadequate in any way we
are abnormal or inadequate in any way we
are abnormal or inadequate in any way we must in turn accept that there are just
must in turn accept that there are just
must in turn accept that there are just some of us who need a little bit more
some of us who need a little bit more
some of us who need a little bit more help guide
help guide
help guide our own realities and that’s okay this
our own realities and that’s okay this
our own realities and that’s okay this is not a new idea in fact in the 20th
is not a new idea in fact in the 20th
is not a new idea in fact in the 20th century Sigmund Freud began the early
century Sigmund Freud began the early
century Sigmund Freud began the early formulations of such an idea
formulations of such an idea
formulations of such an idea Freud challenged the juxtaposition of
Freud challenged the juxtaposition of
Freud challenged the juxtaposition of madness to sanity he was among the first
madness to sanity he was among the first
madness to sanity he was among the first psychologists to argue that the
psychologists to argue that the
psychologists to argue that the difference between the two was simply a
difference between the two was simply a
difference between the two was simply a matter of degree all of us are ill he
matter of degree all of us are ill he
matter of degree all of us are ill he argued some of us just a little bit more
argued some of us just a little bit more
argued some of us just a little bit more than others in the later half of the
than others in the later half of the
than others in the later half of the century our delaying would build and
century our delaying would build and
century our delaying would build and build on this idea Lange proposed the
build on this idea Lange proposed the
build on this idea Lange proposed the schizoid theory which suggests that
schizoid theory which suggests that
schizoid theory which suggests that madness is a result of mental tension
madness is a result of mental tension
madness is a result of mental tension between a person’s place in the world to
between a person’s place in the world to
between a person’s place in the world to their perception of their place in it to
their perception of their place in it to
their perception of their place in it to summarize these theories one need only
summarize these theories one need only
summarize these theories one need only look to a certain cartoon cat that once
look to a certain cartoon cat that once
look to a certain cartoon cat that once said we’re all mad here Lang and Freud
said we’re all mad here Lang and Freud
said we’re all mad here Lang and Freud codified a simple concept that human
codified a simple concept that human
codified a simple concept that human beings are complex but we live in a
beings are complex but we live in a
beings are complex but we live in a society that insists on only validating
society that insists on only validating
society that insists on only validating normality which is further characterized
normality which is further characterized
normality which is further characterized by happiness when we talk for example
by happiness when we talk for example
by happiness when we talk for example about depression we talked about the
about depression we talked about the
about depression we talked about the overcoming of it this points out not
overcoming of it this points out not
overcoming of it this points out not only our gross misunderstanding of
only our gross misunderstanding of
only our gross misunderstanding of depression which extends beyond just
depression which extends beyond just
depression which extends beyond just being sad all the time
being sad all the time
being sad all the time but also our need to validate only
but also our need to validate only
but also our need to validate only happiness we celebrate a person when we
happiness we celebrate a person when we
happiness we celebrate a person when we think they’ve overcome depression or in
think they’ve overcome depression or in
think they’ve overcome depression or in other words when they’ve returned to
other words when they’ve returned to
other words when they’ve returned to happiness
happiness
happiness I think Lange and Freud would disagree
I think Lange and Freud would disagree
I think Lange and Freud would disagree with this interpretation of life
with this interpretation of life
with this interpretation of life happiness is important but so is
happiness is important but so is
happiness is important but so is allowing ourselves to be human and if
allowing ourselves to be human and if
allowing ourselves to be human and if some of us experience depression along
some of us experience depression along
some of us experience depression along the way it doesn’t make us crazy it just
the way it doesn’t make us crazy it just
the way it doesn’t make us crazy it just makes us who we are
makes us who we are
makes us who we are thank you
”
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