In a Foxhole: Men, Women, and Masculinity | Ariana Blossom | TEDxIthacaCollege

when I was a little girl I loved to play

when I was a little girl I loved to play this game my father would come home in

this game my father would come home in

this game my father would come home in his Navy white uniform and I would stand

his Navy white uniform and I would stand

his Navy white uniform and I would stand at my bedroom door

at my bedroom door

at my bedroom door private blossom reporting for inspection

private blossom reporting for inspection

private blossom reporting for inspection sir and then my dad would return my

sir and then my dad would return my

sir and then my dad would return my salute he would come inside and look

salute he would come inside and look

salute he would come inside and look around and then he’d come back with his

around and then he’d come back with his

around and then he’d come back with his report private blossom you still need to

report private blossom you still need to

report private blossom you still need to put your shoes in the closet and pick up

put your shoes in the closet and pick up

put your shoes in the closet and pick up your Barbie dolls yes sir he would

your Barbie dolls yes sir he would

your Barbie dolls yes sir he would return my salute again he’d go

return my salute again he’d go

return my salute again he’d go downstairs and I would go back to

downstairs and I would go back to

downstairs and I would go back to cleaning

cleaning

cleaning I loved the playfulness and the rules of

I loved the playfulness and the rules of

I loved the playfulness and the rules of this game which is why it was funny to

this game which is why it was funny to

this game which is why it was funny to find myself breaking the rules ten years

find myself breaking the rules ten years

find myself breaking the rules ten years later while ripping my mop gear off

later while ripping my mop gear off

later while ripping my mop gear off during army basic training the MOPP gear

during army basic training the MOPP gear

during army basic training the MOPP gear is outerwear that you put on to protect

is outerwear that you put on to protect

is outerwear that you put on to protect yourself in the event of a chemical

yourself in the event of a chemical

yourself in the event of a chemical attack it’s heavy it’s made out of

attack it’s heavy it’s made out of

attack it’s heavy it’s made out of charcoal and it makes everything that

charcoal and it makes everything that

charcoal and it makes everything that you do about ten degrees hotter so on

you do about ten degrees hotter so on

you do about ten degrees hotter so on this day during basic training we’re

this day during basic training we’re

this day during basic training we’re outside and it’s in Alabama in August so

outside and it’s in Alabama in August so

outside and it’s in Alabama in August so it’s already about a hundred degrees and

it’s already about a hundred degrees and

it’s already about a hundred degrees and then we’re in full MOPP gear which

then we’re in full MOPP gear which

then we’re in full MOPP gear which includes a gas mask so we’re breathing

includes a gas mask so we’re breathing

includes a gas mask so we’re breathing in our own hot air and everybody is

in our own hot air and everybody is

in our own hot air and everybody is sweating profusely and all of a sudden

sweating profusely and all of a sudden

sweating profusely and all of a sudden it feels like I have needles running

it feels like I have needles running

it feels like I have needles running down my arms and I start to freak out so

down my arms and I start to freak out so

down my arms and I start to freak out so I stopped back to my pup tent thinking

I stopped back to my pup tent thinking

I stopped back to my pup tent thinking I’m by myself and I start ripping off my

I’m by myself and I start ripping off my

I’m by myself and I start ripping off my mop here complaining all this stuff’s so

mop here complaining all this stuff’s so

mop here complaining all this stuff’s so disgusting turns out I wasn’t actually

disgusting turns out I wasn’t actually

disgusting turns out I wasn’t actually alone my senior drill sergeant had just

alone my senior drill sergeant had just

alone my senior drill sergeant had just walked up blossom what are you doing

walked up blossom what are you doing

walked up blossom what are you doing taking off my mop Gary senior drill

taking off my mop Gary senior drill

taking off my mop Gary senior drill sergeant why are you doing that because

sergeant why are you doing that because

sergeant why are you doing that because I because I got hot senior drill

I because I got hot senior drill

I because I got hot senior drill sergeant uh-huh I glanced at him and I

sergeant uh-huh I glanced at him and I

sergeant uh-huh I glanced at him and I can see from the small smile on his face

can see from the small smile on his face

can see from the small smile on his face that he’s actually amused I’m busted but

that he’s actually amused I’m busted but

that he’s actually amused I’m busted but this one is not a big deal

this one is not a big deal

this one is not a big deal thanks God I do a bunch of push-ups and

thanks God I do a bunch of push-ups and

thanks God I do a bunch of push-ups and promise not to do it again most of my

promise not to do it again most of my

promise not to do it again most of my memories of the four years that I served

memories of the four years that I served

memories of the four years that I served in the Army are like this one they’re

in the Army are like this one they’re

in the Army are like this one they’re light hearted except for one year what I

light hearted except for one year what I

light hearted except for one year what I don’t have any memories like that and

don’t have any memories like that and

don’t have any memories like that and before I take you to that year I’ll give

before I take you to that year I’ll give

before I take you to that year I’ll give you a little bit of background

you a little bit of background

you a little bit of background my father was a naval officer when I was

my father was a naval officer when I was

my father was a naval officer when I was growing up and he and my mom and I lived

growing up and he and my mom and I lived

growing up and he and my mom and I lived on bases in Saudi Arabia in Japan my

on bases in Saudi Arabia in Japan my

on bases in Saudi Arabia in Japan my mother would tell me stories of her

mother would tell me stories of her

mother would tell me stories of her skydiving while stationed in the

skydiving while stationed in the

skydiving while stationed in the Philippines in the Air Force I have a

Philippines in the Air Force I have a

Philippines in the Air Force I have a grandfather who flew Air Force One for

grandfather who flew Air Force One for

grandfather who flew Air Force One for George HW Bush and I have another

George HW Bush and I have another

George HW Bush and I have another grandfather who served on the USS Hornet

grandfather who served on the USS Hornet

grandfather who served on the USS Hornet the list of my family members who served

the list of my family members who served

the list of my family members who served is long so when I left basic training I

is long so when I left basic training I

is long so when I left basic training I was excited about all the camaraderie

was excited about all the camaraderie

was excited about all the camaraderie and the feeling that I just conquered

and the feeling that I just conquered

and the feeling that I just conquered some big challenge and I was proud to be

some big challenge and I was proud to be

some big challenge and I was proud to be going to Fort Carson Colorado and

going to Fort Carson Colorado and

going to Fort Carson Colorado and carrying my family’s legacy forward but

carrying my family’s legacy forward but

carrying my family’s legacy forward but there were two things that immediately

there were two things that immediately

there were two things that immediately caught my attention when I arrived the

caught my attention when I arrived the

caught my attention when I arrived the first one was this comment the men

first one was this comment the men

first one was this comment the men you’re about to work with aren’t used to

you’re about to work with aren’t used to

you’re about to work with aren’t used to working with women I filed that under

working with women I filed that under

working with women I filed that under uh-oh but we’ll come back to it the

uh-oh but we’ll come back to it the

uh-oh but we’ll come back to it the second thing that I noticed was that I

second thing that I noticed was that I

second thing that I noticed was that I was getting hit on all the time and you

was getting hit on all the time and you

was getting hit on all the time and you might think like that doesn’t sound so

might think like that doesn’t sound so

might think like that doesn’t sound so bad but if you imagine you’re getting in

bad but if you imagine you’re getting in

bad but if you imagine you’re getting in your car out of your car going to the

your car out of your car going to the

your car out of your car going to the grocery store going for a walk it’s

grocery store going for a walk it’s

grocery store going for a walk it’s happening literally everywhere you go

happening literally everywhere you go

happening literally everywhere you go that it was it felt like I was a blank

that it was it felt like I was a blank

that it was it felt like I was a blank movie screen sometimes that desire was

movie screen sometimes that desire was

movie screen sometimes that desire was being projected onto it was happening so

being projected onto it was happening so

being projected onto it was happening so much in fact I started wearing a wedding

much in fact I started wearing a wedding

much in fact I started wearing a wedding ring in the first few weeks thinking

ring in the first few weeks thinking

ring in the first few weeks thinking maybe that was gonna stop it turns out

maybe that was gonna stop it turns out

maybe that was gonna stop it turns out that little piece of fake gold made no

that little piece of fake gold made no

that little piece of fake gold made no difference whatsoever so I developed a

difference whatsoever so I developed a

difference whatsoever so I developed a couple of coping strategies the first

couple of coping strategies the first

couple of coping strategies the first one was what I call defensive flirting

one was what I call defensive flirting

one was what I call defensive flirting some of you may have seen this one

some of you may have seen this one

some of you may have seen this one before

before

before flirting at its best is an exchange of

flirting at its best is an exchange of

flirting at its best is an exchange of energy it’s playful creative sexy edgy

energy it’s playful creative sexy edgy

energy it’s playful creative sexy edgy defensive flirting is exchanging just

defensive flirting is exchanging just

defensive flirting is exchanging just enough of that energy so that when the

enough of that energy so that when the

enough of that energy so that when the moment came that I could slide away I

moment came that I could slide away I

moment came that I could slide away I could do so without it seeming abrupt

could do so without it seeming abrupt

could do so without it seeming abrupt and without pissing off the guy because

and without pissing off the guy because

and without pissing off the guy because I learned really quickly that option was

I learned really quickly that option was

I learned really quickly that option was always on the table

always on the table

always on the table the second coping strategy that I

the second coping strategy that I

the second coping strategy that I developed was to simply become

developed was to simply become

developed was to simply become stone-faced no open door no friendliness

stone-faced no open door no friendliness

stone-faced no open door no friendliness some complicated

some complicated

some complicated and it works but it also became part of

and it works but it also became part of

and it works but it also became part of a troubling pattern for me throughout

a troubling pattern for me throughout

a troubling pattern for me throughout that year there were times when simply

that year there were times when simply

that year there were times when simply sliding away or becoming stone-faced

sliding away or becoming stone-faced

sliding away or becoming stone-faced weren’t options one day I was working in

weren’t options one day I was working in

weren’t options one day I was working in the mess hall checking people in for

the mess hall checking people in for

the mess hall checking people in for lunch and a couple of people came up to

lunch and a couple of people came up to

lunch and a couple of people came up to talk to me and we talked about what we

talk to me and we talked about what we

talk to me and we talked about what we do what our jobs are and I say that I’m

do what our jobs are and I say that I’m

do what our jobs are and I say that I’m 54 chemical which an army speak means 54

54 chemical which an army speak means 54

54 chemical which an army speak means 54 Bravo which an army speak means that I’m

Bravo which an army speak means that I’m

Bravo which an army speak means that I’m chemical these guys say that their

chemical these guys say that their

chemical these guys say that their helicopter pilots and then they ask if

helicopter pilots and then they ask if

helicopter pilots and then they ask if myself and a friend would like to go for

myself and a friend would like to go for

myself and a friend would like to go for a ride I’m the adventurous sort so the

a ride I’m the adventurous sort so the

a ride I’m the adventurous sort so the answer to do you want to go for a

answer to do you want to go for a

answer to do you want to go for a helicopter ride is always gonna be yes

helicopter ride is always gonna be yes

helicopter ride is always gonna be yes the four of us meet up we put on our

the four of us meet up we put on our

the four of us meet up we put on our headphones so we can hear each other

headphones so we can hear each other

headphones so we can hear each other above the noise and I’m watching

above the noise and I’m watching

above the noise and I’m watching fascinated as they flip switches and

fascinated as they flip switches and

fascinated as they flip switches and push buttons and I feel the world of the

push buttons and I feel the world of the

push buttons and I feel the world of the blades above a spinning faster faster

blades above a spinning faster faster

blades above a spinning faster faster faster faster faster and then suddenly

faster faster faster and then suddenly

faster faster faster and then suddenly there’s that exhilarating experience of

there’s that exhilarating experience of

there’s that exhilarating experience of leaving the earth behind us and I’m just

leaving the earth behind us and I’m just

leaving the earth behind us and I’m just settling into it when I hear through the

settling into it when I hear through the

settling into it when I hear through the headphones how do you like to have sex I

headphones how do you like to have sex I

headphones how do you like to have sex I bet she likes to be on top because she

bet she likes to be on top because she

bet she likes to be on top because she wants to be in control now she wants it

wants to be in control now she wants it

wants to be in control now she wants it from behind and I am completely frozen I

from behind and I am completely frozen I

from behind and I am completely frozen I don’t know how to handle this situation

don’t know how to handle this situation

don’t know how to handle this situation so I start trying to change the subject

so I start trying to change the subject

so I start trying to change the subject what’s that out there how fast does this

what’s that out there how fast does this

what’s that out there how fast does this thing go how often do you guys fly and

thing go how often do you guys fly and

thing go how often do you guys fly and they ignore it and they just continue

they ignore it and they just continue

they ignore it and they just continue with this line of questioning until

with this line of questioning until

with this line of questioning until finally we let my friend and I we

finally we let my friend and I we

finally we let my friend and I we hightail it then there were the guys

hightail it then there were the guys

hightail it then there were the guys that I mentioned that I worked with on a

that I mentioned that I worked with on a

that I mentioned that I worked with on a regular basis these guys would say

regular basis these guys would say

regular basis these guys would say things so matter-of-factly like women

things so matter-of-factly like women

things so matter-of-factly like women can’t be trusted

can’t be trusted

can’t be trusted women don’t work as hard as men and how

women don’t work as hard as men and how

women don’t work as hard as men and how can you trust something that bleeds

can you trust something that bleeds

can you trust something that bleeds seven days a month and doesn’t die

seven days a month and doesn’t die

seven days a month and doesn’t die linking our trustworthiness to our

linking our trustworthiness to our

linking our trustworthiness to our biology there were the times of the

biology there were the times of the

biology there were the times of the occasional growth being forced kissing

occasional growth being forced kissing

occasional growth being forced kissing I’ll spare you the details during this

I’ll spare you the details during this

I’ll spare you the details during this time one of the women that I served with

time one of the women that I served with

time one of the women that I served with decided that she wanted to take it to

decided that she wanted to take it to

decided that she wanted to take it to leadership because she was dealing with

leadership because she was dealing with

leadership because she was dealing with it too and I watched her walk up to our

it too and I watched her walk up to our

it too and I watched her walk up to our commanding officer

commanding officer

commanding officer hopefull maybe something was gonna

hopefull maybe something was gonna

hopefull maybe something was gonna change the conversation between them

change the conversation between them

change the conversation between them lasted about a minute she turned around

lasted about a minute she turned around

lasted about a minute she turned around and walked back to me her face now tight

and walked back to me her face now tight

and walked back to me her face now tight and I asked what happened and she with a

and I asked what happened and she with a

and I asked what happened and she with a look of disgust said he basically just

look of disgust said he basically just

look of disgust said he basically just told me boys will be boys the message

told me boys will be boys the message

told me boys will be boys the message was received we were on our own so I

was received we were on our own so I

was received we were on our own so I began to adopt personality traits that I

began to adopt personality traits that I

began to adopt personality traits that I associated with masculinity tough

associated with masculinity tough

associated with masculinity tough unemotional laugh at jokes that are

unemotional laugh at jokes that are

unemotional laugh at jokes that are actually who that was pretty offensive I

actually who that was pretty offensive I

actually who that was pretty offensive I was trying to seem like a man to the men

was trying to seem like a man to the men

was trying to seem like a man to the men around me so they wouldn’t see me as

around me so they wouldn’t see me as

around me so they wouldn’t see me as different I mean this of course was not

different I mean this of course was not

different I mean this of course was not the result look at me even in baggy

the result look at me even in baggy

the result look at me even in baggy camouflage it’s obvious I’m a woman the

camouflage it’s obvious I’m a woman the

camouflage it’s obvious I’m a woman the result was that I was pushing down

result was that I was pushing down

result was that I was pushing down emotions in service of feeling safe I

emotions in service of feeling safe I

emotions in service of feeling safe I began to live in this box and inside the

began to live in this box and inside the

began to live in this box and inside the box was anger and fear and shame outside

box was anger and fear and shame outside

box was anger and fear and shame outside the box was vulnerability and empathy

the box was vulnerability and empathy

the box was vulnerability and empathy and nurturing and joy and ease all this

and nurturing and joy and ease all this

and nurturing and joy and ease all this stuff that makes life so worth living

stuff that makes life so worth living

stuff that makes life so worth living and it would only get farther away from

and it would only get farther away from

and it would only get farther away from me as a year progressed and then I

me as a year progressed and then I

me as a year progressed and then I connected with somebody and he and I had

connected with somebody and he and I had

connected with somebody and he and I had a great time so we started dating and

a great time so we started dating and

a great time so we started dating and there was a lot of joking around in the

there was a lot of joking around in the

there was a lot of joking around in the beginning and he was a soldier on the

beginning and he was a soldier on the

beginning and he was a soldier on the same base and one night we went to a

same base and one night we went to a

same base and one night we went to a party off-base and we were walking back

party off-base and we were walking back

party off-base and we were walking back just the two of us at night to my car

just the two of us at night to my car

just the two of us at night to my car and all of a sudden I found myself

and all of a sudden I found myself

and all of a sudden I found myself slammed up against a wall and I was

slammed up against a wall and I was

slammed up against a wall and I was stunned what just happened and why he

stunned what just happened and why he

stunned what just happened and why he would later bite me in the face and slam

would later bite me in the face and slam

would later bite me in the face and slam my head against a car window it was

my head against a car window it was

my head against a car window it was humiliating and the shame began to rise

humiliating and the shame began to rise

humiliating and the shame began to rise as for as long as I can remember I have

as for as long as I can remember I have

as for as long as I can remember I have identified as someone who is strong

identified as someone who is strong

identified as someone who is strong independent and rebellious these are

independent and rebellious these are

independent and rebellious these are core to my identity and they were all

core to my identity and they were all

core to my identity and they were all being violated I didn’t feel like I

being violated I didn’t feel like I

being violated I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere in my life including

belonged anywhere in my life including

belonged anywhere in my life including inside myself and the thing about shame

inside myself and the thing about shame

inside myself and the thing about shame is that it is possessive shame tells you

is that it is possessive shame tells you

is that it is possessive shame tells you to keep secrets it tells you to isolate

to keep secrets it tells you to isolate

to keep secrets it tells you to isolate yourself and at its worst it

yourself and at its worst it

yourself and at its worst it brings a lethal absence of hope and one

brings a lethal absence of hope and one

brings a lethal absence of hope and one night between the criticisms and the

night between the criticisms and the

night between the criticisms and the abuse and the lack of understanding of

abuse and the lack of understanding of

abuse and the lack of understanding of how to manage all of the emotions that I

how to manage all of the emotions that I

how to manage all of the emotions that I was having I just needed a way out so I

was having I just needed a way out so I

was having I just needed a way out so I took a handful of bright blue sleeping

took a handful of bright blue sleeping

took a handful of bright blue sleeping pills a big glass of water and I went to

pills a big glass of water and I went to

pills a big glass of water and I went to sleep and I woke up in the middle of the

sleep and I woke up in the middle of the

sleep and I woke up in the middle of the night to find out I was slapping my

night to find out I was slapping my

night to find out I was slapping my hands against the wall to make the

hands against the wall to make the

hands against the wall to make the stinging pain stop so I called my

stinging pain stop so I called my

stinging pain stop so I called my boyfriend and he took me to the hospital

boyfriend and he took me to the hospital

boyfriend and he took me to the hospital the military doctor took one look at me

the military doctor took one look at me

the military doctor took one look at me knew it was a suicide attempt and

knew it was a suicide attempt and

knew it was a suicide attempt and decided he was gonna have my stomach

decided he was gonna have my stomach

decided he was gonna have my stomach pumped even though by that point it

pumped even though by that point it

pumped even though by that point it wasn’t medically necessary

wasn’t medically necessary

wasn’t medically necessary now stomach pump is no walk in the park

now stomach pump is no walk in the park

now stomach pump is no walk in the park you’re having a tube stuffed down your

you’re having a tube stuffed down your

you’re having a tube stuffed down your throat while your body is trying to kick

throat while your body is trying to kick

throat while your body is trying to kick it back out till it’s finally over I’m

it back out till it’s finally over I’m

it back out till it’s finally over I’m laying there now recovering from a

laying there now recovering from a

laying there now recovering from a stomach pump and not feeling even this

stomach pump and not feeling even this

stomach pump and not feeling even this much better about my life and in walks a

much better about my life and in walks a

much better about my life and in walks a military chaplain here to help this guy

military chaplain here to help this guy

military chaplain here to help this guy looks like he’s ended by the 60s kind of

looks like he’s ended by the 60s kind of

looks like he’s ended by the 60s kind of shuffles over to the hospital bed leans

shuffles over to the hospital bed leans

shuffles over to the hospital bed leans over pushes his glasses up on his nose

over pushes his glasses up on his nose

over pushes his glasses up on his nose and says so what’s your problem what’s

and says so what’s your problem what’s

and says so what’s your problem what’s my problem I didn’t even know how to

my problem I didn’t even know how to

my problem I didn’t even know how to articulate what was wrong for myself

articulate what was wrong for myself

articulate what was wrong for myself much less share it with anybody else I

much less share it with anybody else I

much less share it with anybody else I certainly wasn’t gonna start with that

certainly wasn’t gonna start with that

certainly wasn’t gonna start with that guy with that approach so I turned my

guy with that approach so I turned my

guy with that approach so I turned my head to the wall and I just stare

head to the wall and I just stare

head to the wall and I just stare feeling so alone and I overhear him

feeling so alone and I overhear him

feeling so alone and I overhear him describing me as defiant that year in

describing me as defiant that year in

describing me as defiant that year in Colorado taught me that we must rethink

Colorado taught me that we must rethink

Colorado taught me that we must rethink masculinity currently masculinity tells

masculinity currently masculinity tells

masculinity currently masculinity tells young boys you cannot be like a girl you

young boys you cannot be like a girl you

young boys you cannot be like a girl you can’t be gay and you have to man up so

can’t be gay and you have to man up so

can’t be gay and you have to man up so let’s break that down to not be like a

let’s break that down to not be like a

let’s break that down to not be like a girl means what that you’re not allowed

girl means what that you’re not allowed

girl means what that you’re not allowed to be empathetic nurturing or

to be empathetic nurturing or

to be empathetic nurturing or compassionate we’ve taken those traits

compassionate we’ve taken those traits

compassionate we’ve taken those traits and then feminized them and made them

and then feminized them and made them

and then feminized them and made them wrong but when we do that we disconnect

wrong but when we do that we disconnect

wrong but when we do that we disconnect boys from a part of their own inner life

boys from a part of their own inner life

boys from a part of their own inner life and to not be gay means what then if

and to not be gay means what then if

and to not be gay means what then if you’re straight and a boy that you’re

you’re straight and a boy that you’re

you’re straight and a boy that you’re not allowed to have emotional intimacy

not allowed to have emotional intimacy

not allowed to have emotional intimacy or physical effects

or physical effects

or physical effects with other boys this creates an

with other boys this creates an

with other boys this creates an isolation that perpetuates itself into

isolation that perpetuates itself into

isolation that perpetuates itself into adulthood and even when you’re being

adulthood and even when you’re being

adulthood and even when you’re being told to man up you’re being told to

told to man up you’re being told to

told to man up you’re being told to dominate over your emotions you’re being

dominate over your emotions you’re being

dominate over your emotions you’re being taught how to use your power over your

taught how to use your power over your

taught how to use your power over your emotions over other people rather than

emotions over other people rather than

emotions over other people rather than being taught how to use your power for

being taught how to use your power for

being taught how to use your power for something for other people for your own

something for other people for your own

something for other people for your own good we all men and women are

good we all men and women are

good we all men and women are responsible for expanding the definition

responsible for expanding the definition

responsible for expanding the definition of masculinity to include vulnerability

of masculinity to include vulnerability

of masculinity to include vulnerability emotional intimacy and physical

emotional intimacy and physical

emotional intimacy and physical affection as sources of strength for men

affection as sources of strength for men

affection as sources of strength for men but right now this is the impact

but right now this is the impact

but right now this is the impact masculinity is having on the military 20

masculinity is having on the military 20

masculinity is having on the military 20 percent of all women serving in the

percent of all women serving in the

percent of all women serving in the Armed Forces are sexually assaulted by

Armed Forces are sexually assaulted by

Armed Forces are sexually assaulted by the men they serve with it’s not just

the men they serve with it’s not just

the men they serve with it’s not just women in one year twenty thousand men

women in one year twenty thousand men

women in one year twenty thousand men were sexually assaulted by the men they

were sexually assaulted by the men they

were sexually assaulted by the men they serve with should sexual assault be

serve with should sexual assault be

serve with should sexual assault be listed as a hazard of the job might go

listed as a hazard of the job might go

listed as a hazard of the job might go to war check might get raped check sign

to war check might get raped check sign

to war check might get raped check sign on the dotted line please and the impact

on the dotted line please and the impact

on the dotted line please and the impact of this is going far beyond the military

of this is going far beyond the military

of this is going far beyond the military it’s Harvey Weinstein bill cosby louis

it’s Harvey Weinstein bill cosby louis

it’s Harvey Weinstein bill cosby louis c.k Chris Rose Matt Lauer the list just

c.k Chris Rose Matt Lauer the list just

c.k Chris Rose Matt Lauer the list just keeps getting longer and it includes US

keeps getting longer and it includes US

keeps getting longer and it includes US presidents sure we could blame this on

presidents sure we could blame this on

presidents sure we could blame this on biology well it’s just how we’re wired

biology well it’s just how we’re wired

biology well it’s just how we’re wired it’s just aa stirone or we can blame it

it’s just aa stirone or we can blame it

it’s just aa stirone or we can blame it on mental health

on mental health

on mental health those people are just crazy or we can

those people are just crazy or we can

those people are just crazy or we can consciously choose to create a world in

consciously choose to create a world in

consciously choose to create a world in which on a daily basis we unleash the

which on a daily basis we unleash the

which on a daily basis we unleash the fullest expression of kindness and

fullest expression of kindness and

fullest expression of kindness and empathy from our girls and our boys and

empathy from our girls and our boys and

empathy from our girls and our boys and here are some questions we need to start

here are some questions we need to start

here are some questions we need to start asking ourselves for the men in the

asking ourselves for the men in the

asking ourselves for the men in the audience what does being a man mean to

audience what does being a man mean to

audience what does being a man mean to you where did you get the idea from from

you where did you get the idea from from

you where did you get the idea from from your father brother peers porn

your father brother peers porn

your father brother peers porn what mask are you wearing

what mask are you wearing

what mask are you wearing you’re wearing the mask of toughness

you’re wearing the mask of toughness

you’re wearing the mask of toughness like I did the mask of humor you’ve

like I did the mask of humor you’ve

like I did the mask of humor you’ve always got a joke the mask of

always got a joke the mask of

always got a joke the mask of competition you’ve always got to be

competition you’ve always got to be

competition you’ve always got to be better than everybody else what do you

better than everybody else what do you

better than everybody else what do you believe would happen if you took off

believe would happen if you took off

believe would happen if you took off that mask and let people see you how

that mask and let people see you how

that mask and let people see you how often do you share your feelings with

often do you share your feelings with

often do you share your feelings with the boys in your life how comfortable

the boys in your life how comfortable

the boys in your life how comfortable are you crying in front of the boys in

are you crying in front of the boys in

are you crying in front of the boys in your life or in front of anyone for that

your life or in front of anyone for that

your life or in front of anyone for that matter for the women in the audience

matter for the women in the audience

matter for the women in the audience what assumptions do you make about men

what assumptions do you make about men

what assumptions do you make about men that keep the conversation from going

that keep the conversation from going

that keep the conversation from going deeper I’ve done a lot of work with

deeper I’ve done a lot of work with

deeper I’ve done a lot of work with women and I hear some of the assumptions

women and I hear some of the assumptions

women and I hear some of the assumptions they don’t care they think they’re

they don’t care they think they’re

they don’t care they think they’re entitled to whatever they want and even

entitled to whatever they want and even

entitled to whatever they want and even if there’s a kernel of truth in that

if there’s a kernel of truth in that

if there’s a kernel of truth in that there’s still more to the story and if

there’s still more to the story and if

there’s still more to the story and if we’re going to improve it we have to

we’re going to improve it we have to

we’re going to improve it we have to collectively think deeper about these

collectively think deeper about these

collectively think deeper about these challenges in the years since the army

challenges in the years since the army

challenges in the years since the army as I’ve worked to remove my own masks

as I’ve worked to remove my own masks

as I’ve worked to remove my own masks and continue to do it and I’ve worked

and continue to do it and I’ve worked

and continue to do it and I’ve worked with men and women in companies I’ve

with men and women in companies I’ve

with men and women in companies I’ve come to see that when we remove our

come to see that when we remove our

come to see that when we remove our masks we hit this beautiful chance to

masks we hit this beautiful chance to

masks we hit this beautiful chance to turn loneliness into connection

turn loneliness into connection

turn loneliness into connection assumption into understanding and fear

assumption into understanding and fear

assumption into understanding and fear into love

into love

into love imagine what would become possible if

imagine what would become possible if

imagine what would become possible if boys were allowed to have the same highs

boys were allowed to have the same highs

boys were allowed to have the same highs and lows that girls are imagine what

and lows that girls are imagine what

and lows that girls are imagine what would be possible if adults

would be possible if adults

would be possible if adults intentionally created safe spaces for

intentionally created safe spaces for

intentionally created safe spaces for boys to share their feelings with each

boys to share their feelings with each

boys to share their feelings with each other imagine what would be possible if

other imagine what would be possible if

other imagine what would be possible if instead of being told to man up boys

instead of being told to man up boys

instead of being told to man up boys were taught how to reach out to a friend

were taught how to reach out to a friend

were taught how to reach out to a friend ask your father your brother your friend

ask your father your brother your friend

ask your father your brother your friend your coworker what’s behind your mask

your coworker what’s behind your mask

your coworker what’s behind your mask his answer may surprise you

his answer may surprise you

his answer may surprise you and it may just save his life thank you

and it may just save his life thank you

and it may just save his life thank you you