in some form or other we all imagine being people of lasting influence so how
being people of lasting influence so how
being people of lasting influence so how many of you have ever picked up the
many of you have ever picked up the
many of you have ever picked up the hairbrush in the morning while getting
hairbrush in the morning while getting
hairbrush in the morning while getting ready and into it belted out the song
ready and into it belted out the song
ready and into it belted out the song playing on the radio
playing on the radio
playing on the radio come on said the words I’d like to thank
come on said the words I’d like to thank
come on said the words I’d like to thank the Academy banked over on your cocktail
the Academy banked over on your cocktail
the Academy banked over on your cocktail table as the gold medal got put on your
table as the gold medal got put on your
table as the gold medal got put on your neck – you’re streaming down your face
neck – you’re streaming down your face
neck – you’re streaming down your face as your flag unfurled of course we’ve
as your flag unfurled of course we’ve
as your flag unfurled of course we’ve all done these things if you didn’t
all done these things if you didn’t
all done these things if you didn’t raise your hand we know the truth but
raise your hand we know the truth but
raise your hand we know the truth but why do we do them because we’re a closet
why do we do them because we’re a closet
why do we do them because we’re a closet megalomaniacs with delusions of grandeur
megalomaniacs with delusions of grandeur
megalomaniacs with delusions of grandeur no well maybe you are but that’s not
no well maybe you are but that’s not
no well maybe you are but that’s not evidence of it no we do these things
evidence of it no we do these things
evidence of it no we do these things because we all come wired with the
because we all come wired with the
because we all come wired with the capacity to imagine our lives as
capacity to imagine our lives as
capacity to imagine our lives as something more as organizational
something more as organizational
something more as organizational consultants to executives my colleagues
consultants to executives my colleagues
consultants to executives my colleagues and I at nav illan spends our days in
and I at nav illan spends our days in
and I at nav illan spends our days in the throes of wild organizational
the throes of wild organizational
the throes of wild organizational transformations years ago I had the
transformations years ago I had the
transformations years ago I had the privilege of working with a young leader
privilege of working with a young leader
privilege of working with a young leader who also had dreams of being very
who also had dreams of being very
who also had dreams of being very influential everybody saw him as having
influential everybody saw him as having
influential everybody saw him as having enormous potential and at the end of our
enormous potential and at the end of our
enormous potential and at the end of our project he was offered the opportunity
project he was offered the opportunity
project he was offered the opportunity to take on a position of greater
to take on a position of greater
to take on a position of greater influence in his organization well
influence in his organization well
influence in his organization well nobody was surprised everybody thought
nobody was surprised everybody thought
nobody was surprised everybody thought assumed he’d be very successful about
assumed he’d be very successful about
assumed he’d be very successful about nine months later I saw his name in my
nine months later I saw his name in my
nine months later I saw his name in my caller ID and I was excited I assumed he
caller ID and I was excited I assumed he
caller ID and I was excited I assumed he was calling to tell me about all the
was calling to tell me about all the
was calling to tell me about all the great progress they had made sadly he
great progress they had made sadly he
great progress they had made sadly he was calling to tell me he’d been fired
was calling to tell me he’d been fired
was calling to tell me he’d been fired and that he needed help finding another
and that he needed help finding another
and that he needed help finding another job well I barely had time to recover
job well I barely had time to recover
job well I barely had time to recover from that call when two hours later a
from that call when two hours later a
from that call when two hours later a CEO called also to tell me they let him
CEO called also to tell me they let him
CEO called also to tell me they let him go and that he was angry implying that
go and that he was angry implying that
go and that he was angry implying that some of the responsibility for his
some of the responsibility for his
some of the responsibility for his failure was mine for not having better
failure was mine for not having better
failure was mine for not having better prepared him I was devastated I asked if
prepared him I was devastated I asked if
prepared him I was devastated I asked if we might come back into the organization
we might come back into the organization
we might come back into the organization to see him be killed
to see him be killed
to see him be killed what went wrong well that short
what went wrong well that short
what went wrong well that short investigation led us to a ten-year
investigation led us to a ten-year
investigation led us to a ten-year longitudinal study of more than 2700
longitudinal study of more than 2700
longitudinal study of more than 2700 people you know we’ve known for decades
people you know we’ve known for decades
people you know we’ve known for decades that more than 50% of those that take on
that more than 50% of those that take on
that more than 50% of those that take on positions of greater influence in their
positions of greater influence in their
positions of greater influence in their organizations fail in their first 18
organizations fail in their first 18
organizations fail in their first 18 months meaning they’re no longer in
months meaning they’re no longer in
months meaning they’re no longer in those positions and not by their own
those positions and not by their own
those positions and not by their own choice that leader was just another
choice that leader was just another
choice that leader was just another statistic well being partially held
statistic well being partially held
statistic well being partially held responsible for his failure made me
responsible for his failure made me
responsible for his failure made me resolve we just had to do better we took
resolve we just had to do better we took
resolve we just had to do better we took on this comprehensive study and
on this comprehensive study and
on this comprehensive study and documented it because the idea of
documented it because the idea of
documented it because the idea of otherwise promising and influential
otherwise promising and influential
otherwise promising and influential talent continuing to be set up to fail
talent continuing to be set up to fail
talent continuing to be set up to fail the notion of all the good their
the notion of all the good their
the notion of all the good their influence could do going to waste so
influence could do going to waste so
influence could do going to waste so utterly unacceptable well our research
utterly unacceptable well our research
utterly unacceptable well our research did reveal some good news the data
did reveal some good news the data
did reveal some good news the data uncovered for remarkably consistent
uncovered for remarkably consistent
uncovered for remarkably consistent patterns among the exemplary people in
patterns among the exemplary people in
patterns among the exemplary people in the other 50% of those that actually
the other 50% of those that actually
the other 50% of those that actually succeeded in positions of influence the
succeeded in positions of influence the
succeeded in positions of influence the problem was no matter how we cut up the
problem was no matter how we cut up the
problem was no matter how we cut up the data even after like a hundred
data even after like a hundred
data even after like a hundred regression analyses the best influences
regression analyses the best influences
regression analyses the best influences were set apart by being exemplary and
were set apart by being exemplary and
were set apart by being exemplary and excellent across all four patterns and
excellent across all four patterns and
excellent across all four patterns and as much as I didn’t want to have to say
as much as I didn’t want to have to say
as much as I didn’t want to have to say that I couldn’t deny the data it did
that I couldn’t deny the data it did
that I couldn’t deny the data it did have partially explain some of the
have partially explain some of the
have partially explain some of the failure rates even those that did three
failure rates even those that did three
failure rates even those that did three of the four well were not successful but
of the four well were not successful but
of the four well were not successful but the best news of all was a closer
the best news of all was a closer
the best news of all was a closer examination of the exemplar group show
examination of the exemplar group show
examination of the exemplar group show that these were in four mysterious
that these were in four mysterious
that these were in four mysterious attributes that they were lucky enough
attributes that they were lucky enough
attributes that they were lucky enough to have been born with no these were
to have been born with no these were
to have been born with no these were four capabilities acquired through hard
four capabilities acquired through hard
four capabilities acquired through hard work and therefore capabilities that
work and therefore capabilities that
work and therefore capabilities that anybody who wants to have greater
anybody who wants to have greater
anybody who wants to have greater influence can learn so the first pattern
influence can learn so the first pattern
influence can learn so the first pattern recalled context these folks were
recalled context these folks were
recalled context these folks were remarkably astute at reading the
remarkably astute at reading the
remarkably astute at reading the environment around them as the adage
environment around them as the adage
environment around them as the adage goes they knew their audience deeply
goes they knew their audience deeply
goes they knew their audience deeply they were eager to learn about the
they were eager to learn about the
they were eager to learn about the people and settings in which they wanted
people and settings in which they wanted
people and settings in which they wanted to have influence so they could adapt
to have influence so they could adapt
to have influence so they could adapt themselves and their ideas
themselves and their ideas
themselves and their ideas accordingly the unsuccessful leaders
accordingly the unsuccessful leaders
accordingly the unsuccessful leaders started by assuming they already had an
started by assuming they already had an
started by assuming they already had an answer or an idea everybody else needed
answer or an idea everybody else needed
answer or an idea everybody else needed but the successful leader it started by
but the successful leader it started by
but the successful leader it started by first learning about the world that they
first learning about the world that they
first learning about the world that they wanted to have impact in context means
wanted to have impact in context means
wanted to have impact in context means understanding that those you want to
understanding that those you want to
understanding that those you want to have influence with have as much to
have influence with have as much to
have influence with have as much to change in you as you have to change in
change in you as you have to change in
change in you as you have to change in them so how do the best leaders learn to
them so how do the best leaders learn to
them so how do the best leaders learn to recontact so well they cultivated
recontact so well they cultivated
recontact so well they cultivated curiosity they put themselves in
curiosity they put themselves in
curiosity they put themselves in unfamiliar environments where they had
unfamiliar environments where they had
unfamiliar environments where they had to learn they became naturally faceted
to learn they became naturally faceted
to learn they became naturally faceted like anthropologists think about the
like anthropologists think about the
like anthropologists think about the people you want to have influence with
people you want to have influence with
people you want to have influence with how much do you really know about them
how much do you really know about them
how much do you really know about them about what frustrates them or what
about what frustrates them or what
about what frustrates them or what motivates them what assumptions have you
motivates them what assumptions have you
motivates them what assumptions have you made about them that may not be true to
made about them that may not be true to
made about them that may not be true to be influential with context start by
be influential with context start by
be influential with context start by learning about those who want to
learning about those who want to
learning about those who want to influence the next pattern we called
influence the next pattern we called
influence the next pattern we called Brett’s the successful leaders have the
Brett’s the successful leaders have the
Brett’s the successful leaders have the amazing capacity to see how all the
amazing capacity to see how all the
amazing capacity to see how all the pieces and parts of their organizations
pieces and parts of their organizations
pieces and parts of their organizations fit together they knew that those they
fit together they knew that those they
fit together they knew that those they wanted to influence fit into a bigger
wanted to influence fit into a bigger
wanted to influence fit into a bigger story they also knew that it’s common in
story they also knew that it’s common in
story they also knew that it’s common in organizations for people to be
organizations for people to be
organizations for people to be fragmented from one another the
fragmented from one another the
fragmented from one another the unsuccessful leaders ignore that
unsuccessful leaders ignore that
unsuccessful leaders ignore that fragmentation and targeted their
fragmentation and targeted their
fragmentation and targeted their influence so exclusively on one group at
influence so exclusively on one group at
influence so exclusively on one group at the expense of others
the expense of others
the expense of others sometimes they made the division worse
sometimes they made the division worse
sometimes they made the division worse but the successful leaders knew they had
but the successful leaders knew they had
but the successful leaders knew they had to build coalition among those that were
to build coalition among those that were
to build coalition among those that were disconnected from each other they knew
disconnected from each other they knew
disconnected from each other they knew that it’s really at the seams of an
that it’s really at the seams of an
that it’s really at the seams of an organization where people in groups come
organization where people in groups come
organization where people in groups come together that transformation actually
together that transformation actually
together that transformation actually happens brett’s means learning to see
happens brett’s means learning to see
happens brett’s means learning to see our communities and our organizations as
our communities and our organizations as
our communities and our organizations as a whole not just the sum of their parts
a whole not just the sum of their parts
a whole not just the sum of their parts so how did the exemplary leaders learn
so how did the exemplary leaders learn
so how did the exemplary leaders learn Brett’s they cultivated the ability to
Brett’s they cultivated the ability to
Brett’s they cultivated the ability to build bridges between people one guy in
build bridges between people one guy in
build bridges between people one guy in our study who’d risen to the position of
our study who’d risen to the position of
our study who’d risen to the position of school district superintendent inherited
school district superintendent inherited
school district superintendent inherited great tensions among parents and
great tensions among parents and
great tensions among parents and teachers at administrators but he helped
teachers at administrators but he helped
teachers at administrators but he helped them find their common ground they first
them find their common ground they first
them find their common ground they first found out where there was fragmentation
found out where there was fragmentation
found out where there was fragmentation among them and then they brought those
among them and then they brought those
among them and then they brought those fragments together
fragments together
fragments together to be influential with breath start by
to be influential with breath start by
to be influential with breath start by stitching the seams among those you want
stitching the seams among those you want
stitching the seams among those you want to influence the next pattern we called
to influence the next pattern we called
to influence the next pattern we called choice
choice
choice the successful 50% had the courage to
the successful 50% had the courage to
the successful 50% had the courage to make hard choices even though they knew
make hard choices even though they knew
make hard choices even though they knew that sometimes that might mean
that sometimes that might mean
that sometimes that might mean disappointing people they knew that
disappointing people they knew that
disappointing people they knew that sometimes you have to focus people on
sometimes you have to focus people on
sometimes you have to focus people on just a few things in order to help them
just a few things in order to help them
just a few things in order to help them have lasting impact the unsuccessful
have lasting impact the unsuccessful
have lasting impact the unsuccessful leaders focus more on pleasing people so
leaders focus more on pleasing people so
leaders focus more on pleasing people so they said yes too often and ended up
they said yes too often and ended up
they said yes too often and ended up confusing people with their choices but
confusing people with their choices but
confusing people with their choices but the best influencers knew when and how
the best influencers knew when and how
the best influencers knew when and how to include people in their decision
to include people in their decision
to include people in their decision making choice means narrowing your focus
making choice means narrowing your focus
making choice means narrowing your focus on just a few things in order to be able
on just a few things in order to be able
on just a few things in order to be able to do them with excellence so how do the
to do them with excellence so how do the
to do them with excellence so how do the best leaders learn to make great choices
best leaders learn to make great choices
best leaders learn to make great choices they cultivated courage they knew that
they cultivated courage they knew that
they cultivated courage they knew that sometimes it meant having to focus
sometimes it meant having to focus
sometimes it meant having to focus people on just a number of things in
people on just a number of things in
people on just a number of things in order to help them do it with excellence
order to help them do it with excellence
order to help them do it with excellence even if it meant disappointing them so
even if it meant disappointing them so
even if it meant disappointing them so what hard choices do you need to lean
what hard choices do you need to lean
what hard choices do you need to lean into do you say yes too often to avoid
into do you say yes too often to avoid
into do you say yes too often to avoid disappointing people to be influential
disappointing people to be influential
disappointing people to be influential with choice start by getting comfortable
with choice start by getting comfortable
with choice start by getting comfortable saying no so that your yes can actually
saying no so that your yes can actually
saying no so that your yes can actually mean something the final pattern recalls
mean something the final pattern recalls
mean something the final pattern recalls connection the leaders who ultimately
connection the leaders who ultimately
connection the leaders who ultimately thrived were the ones everybody wanted
thrived were the ones everybody wanted
thrived were the ones everybody wanted to be around they were respected
to be around they were respected
to be around they were respected incredible they had deep trusting
incredible they had deep trusting
incredible they had deep trusting relationships and they were genuinely
relationships and they were genuinely
relationships and they were genuinely seen as wanting to help others succeed
seen as wanting to help others succeed
seen as wanting to help others succeed the unsuccessful leaders focused more on
the unsuccessful leaders focused more on
the unsuccessful leaders focused more on connections with those from whom they
connections with those from whom they
connections with those from whom they wanted something in essence their
wanted something in essence their
wanted something in essence their relationships were more political than
relationships were more political than
relationships were more political than they were genuine but the successful
they were genuine but the successful
they were genuine but the successful leaders focused on deepening their
leaders focused on deepening their
leaders focused on deepening their connections with people who relied on
connections with people who relied on
connections with people who relied on them one of the leaders in our study
them one of the leaders in our study
them one of the leaders in our study told us about three questions he asked
told us about three questions he asked
told us about three questions he asked everybody he works with first he asks
everybody he works with first he asks
everybody he works with first he asks what can I do to improve in order to be
what can I do to improve in order to be
what can I do to improve in order to be a better colleague to you what are you
a better colleague to you what are you
a better colleague to you what are you working on these days that’s really
working on these days that’s really
working on these days that’s really important to you and what can I do to
important to you and what can I do to
important to you and what can I do to help you with that really important
help you with that really important
help you with that really important thing
thing
thing connection means deepening trust with
connection means deepening trust with
connection means deepening trust with those you can help succeed so how do the
those you can help succeed so how do the
those you can help succeed so how do the best leaders learn to form these deep
best leaders learn to form these deep
best leaders learn to form these deep connections they cultivated empathy they
connections they cultivated empathy they
connections they cultivated empathy they went out of their way to find other
went out of their way to find other
went out of their way to find other people they could help succeed not
people they could help succeed not
people they could help succeed not because they wanted something in return
because they wanted something in return
because they wanted something in return but because they genuinely enjoyed
but because they genuinely enjoyed
but because they genuinely enjoyed watching others soar they asked for
watching others soar they asked for
watching others soar they asked for feedback on how they can improve in
feedback on how they can improve in
feedback on how they can improve in those relationships did the people you
those relationships did the people you
those relationships did the people you want to influence feel your deep
want to influence feel your deep
want to influence feel your deep commitment to their success to be
commitment to their success to be
commitment to their success to be influential with connection start by
influential with connection start by
influential with connection start by finding great joy in helping those
finding great joy in helping those
finding great joy in helping those around you thrive so after seeing how
around you thrive so after seeing how
around you thrive so after seeing how the best influencers succeeded with
the best influencers succeeded with
the best influencers succeeded with these four capabilities I realized I’d
these four capabilities I realized I’d
these four capabilities I realized I’d actually seen these before this is Toby
actually seen these before this is Toby
actually seen these before this is Toby and she’s been my mentor and my friend
and she’s been my mentor and my friend
and she’s been my mentor and my friend for almost 30 years she showed them to
for almost 30 years she showed them to
for almost 30 years she showed them to me long before I had names for them when
me long before I had names for them when
me long before I had names for them when we met I was in my 20s fairly uncertain
we met I was in my 20s fairly uncertain
we met I was in my 20s fairly uncertain and fairly clueless about how to be
and fairly clueless about how to be
and fairly clueless about how to be influential in a consulting career
influential in a consulting career
influential in a consulting career predicated on being influential with
predicated on being influential with
predicated on being influential with leaders facing hard challenges I was
leaders facing hard challenges I was
leaders facing hard challenges I was making all of the mistakes we found in
making all of the mistakes we found in
making all of the mistakes we found in our research decades later I was headed
our research decades later I was headed
our research decades later I was headed for being one of the failed 50% but she
for being one of the failed 50% but she
for being one of the failed 50% but she taught me context by asking me hard
taught me context by asking me hard
taught me context by asking me hard questions about my clients teaching me
questions about my clients teaching me
questions about my clients teaching me to focus on what was important to them
to focus on what was important to them
to focus on what was important to them instead of on how to get them to like me
instead of on how to get them to like me
instead of on how to get them to like me or how to get them get them to want to
or how to get them get them to want to
or how to get them get them to want to use my expertise I wanted to learn how
use my expertise I wanted to learn how
use my expertise I wanted to learn how to write so she took on the task of car
to write so she took on the task of car
to write so she took on the task of car writing my first book with me showing me
writing my first book with me showing me
writing my first book with me showing me breaths by helping me see the bigger
breaths by helping me see the bigger
breaths by helping me see the bigger story in which my ideas would live she
story in which my ideas would live she
story in which my ideas would live she taught me about choice by teaching me
taught me about choice by teaching me
taught me about choice by teaching me about life’s hard trade-offs between
about life’s hard trade-offs between
about life’s hard trade-offs between things like being a dad and being a
things like being a dad and being a
things like being a dad and being a traveling consultant she helped me say
traveling consultant she helped me say
traveling consultant she helped me say no so that my yes was a commitment I
no so that my yes was a commitment I
no so that my yes was a commitment I could keep and for almost 30 years
could keep and for almost 30 years
could keep and for almost 30 years she’s made a deep
she’s made a deep
she’s made a deep personal investment in my success with
personal investment in my success with
personal investment in my success with every new thing I learned to this day
every new thing I learned to this day
every new thing I learned to this day she lights up with delight as my biggest
she lights up with delight as my biggest
she lights up with delight as my biggest advocate I’ve been on the receiving end
advocate I’ve been on the receiving end
advocate I’ve been on the receiving end of her amazing influence and I’ve seen
of her amazing influence and I’ve seen
of her amazing influence and I’ve seen firsthand the power of these four
firsthand the power of these four
firsthand the power of these four capabilities in action today my greatest
capabilities in action today my greatest
capabilities in action today my greatest joy is helping other people discover
joy is helping other people discover
joy is helping other people discover them so they can have the impact on the
them so they can have the impact on the
them so they can have the impact on the world daydream of having my journey to
world daydream of having my journey to
world daydream of having my journey to discover these began with a promising
discover these began with a promising
discover these began with a promising young leaders stumble from a visit from
young leaders stumble from a visit from
young leaders stumble from a visit from a position he could have been more
a position he could have been more
a position he could have been more successful in had he been better
successful in had he been better
successful in had he been better prepared but that doesn’t have to be you
prepared but that doesn’t have to be you
prepared but that doesn’t have to be you if you want to have more influence or
if you want to have more influence or
if you want to have more influence or your organization expects you to have
your organization expects you to have
your organization expects you to have more influence seize the opportunity
more influence seize the opportunity
more influence seize the opportunity there’s a hungry world out there
there’s a hungry world out there
there’s a hungry world out there desperate for the impact only you can
desperate for the impact only you can
desperate for the impact only you can make so next time you pick up that
make so next time you pick up that
make so next time you pick up that hairbrush or imagine that big award
hairbrush or imagine that big award
hairbrush or imagine that big award remember you too can learn to do these
remember you too can learn to do these
remember you too can learn to do these four things exceptionally well and when
four things exceptionally well and when
four things exceptionally well and when you do watch watch your influence grow
you do watch watch your influence grow
you do watch watch your influence grow and leave an indelible mark on the world
and leave an indelible mark on the world
and leave an indelible mark on the world around you thank you
around you thank you
around you thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
”
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