the eyes cannot see what lies beneath the surface of either you or me what do
the surface of either you or me what do
the surface of either you or me what do you see when I come up here what does
you see when I come up here what does
you see when I come up here what does your eyes tell you did he tell you that
your eyes tell you did he tell you that
your eyes tell you did he tell you that I’m a cowboy that rode Brahma bulls and
I’m a cowboy that rode Brahma bulls and
I’m a cowboy that rode Brahma bulls and rodeos or that on an April morning in
rodeos or that on an April morning in
rodeos or that on an April morning in 1958 I became associated with animals
1958 I became associated with animals
1958 I became associated with animals when my mother said in a
when my mother said in a
when my mother said in a high-performance forward heading to a
high-performance forward heading to a
high-performance forward heading to a ranch just outside of Napa California I
ranch just outside of Napa California I
ranch just outside of Napa California I imagined that my mother must have been
imagined that my mother must have been
imagined that my mother must have been experiencing tormented emotions knowing
experiencing tormented emotions knowing
experiencing tormented emotions knowing that she was taking her newborn baby me
that she was taking her newborn baby me
that she was taking her newborn baby me to a storm where violence and rage
to a storm where violence and rage
to a storm where violence and rage flourished in my father my mother likely
flourished in my father my mother likely
flourished in my father my mother likely thought that taking me to that ranch was
thought that taking me to that ranch was
thought that taking me to that ranch was like taking a new infant and throwing it
like taking a new infant and throwing it
like taking a new infant and throwing it in a den of lions and watching them rip
in a den of lions and watching them rip
in a den of lions and watching them rip it apart when I became old enough to
it apart when I became old enough to
it apart when I became old enough to feel emotions and feelings I realized
feel emotions and feelings I realized
feel emotions and feelings I realized that I had been tortured and abused by
that I had been tortured and abused by
that I had been tortured and abused by my father I was afraid of mistakes
my father I was afraid of mistakes
my father I was afraid of mistakes mistakes had consequences bull whiffing
mistakes had consequences bull whiffing
mistakes had consequences bull whiffing I was often the victim of mistakes bull
I was often the victim of mistakes bull
I was often the victim of mistakes bull wimping the only comfort I had on that
wimping the only comfort I had on that
wimping the only comfort I had on that ranch was with the animals I had a pony
ranch was with the animals I had a pony
ranch was with the animals I had a pony strawberry with gold mange I would go
strawberry with gold mange I would go
strawberry with gold mange I would go out to the pasture many of you have pets
out to the pasture many of you have pets
out to the pasture many of you have pets so you know when you go home they come
so you know when you go home they come
so you know when you go home they come to you they’re seeking affection and
to you they’re seeking affection and
to you they’re seeking affection and they want you to give them affection my
they want you to give them affection my
they want you to give them affection my pony would see me and he would come to
pony would see me and he would come to
pony would see me and he would come to me always sense that this Pony to tell
me always sense that this Pony to tell
me always sense that this Pony to tell that I was standing in a storm a stress
that I was standing in a storm a stress
that I was standing in a storm a stress dress
dress
dress and every time he counted me he would
and every time he counted me he would
and every time he counted me he would place his head next to my face it gave
place his head next to my face it gave
place his head next to my face it gave me something it impacted my life this
me something it impacted my life this
me something it impacted my life this was 50 some years ago I come home from
was 50 some years ago I come home from
was 50 some years ago I come home from school one day and my father tells me I
school one day and my father tells me I
school one day and my father tells me I sold your pony imagine sitting in your
sold your pony imagine sitting in your
sold your pony imagine sitting in your living room in front of a big picture
living room in front of a big picture
living room in front of a big picture window then somebody comes and they take
window then somebody comes and they take
window then somebody comes and they take a brick and throws it through there
a brick and throws it through there
a brick and throws it through there shatters shards of glass go everywhere
shatters shards of glass go everywhere
shatters shards of glass go everywhere when her father told me that he sold
when her father told me that he sold
when her father told me that he sold this pony that’s what he did to my heart
this pony that’s what he did to my heart
this pony that’s what he did to my heart my brain animals were a big part of my
my brain animals were a big part of my
my brain animals were a big part of my life one day I was coming home from
life one day I was coming home from
life one day I was coming home from school
school
school and I looked under a bush and I’ve seen
and I looked under a bush and I’ve seen
and I looked under a bush and I’ve seen a little big eyed brown Jackrabbit I
a little big eyed brown Jackrabbit I
a little big eyed brown Jackrabbit I don’t know if you’ve know there much
don’t know if you’ve know there much
don’t know if you’ve know there much about rabbits but Jack rabbits are
about rabbits but Jack rabbits are
about rabbits but Jack rabbits are reported to run 37 miles an hour it
reported to run 37 miles an hour it
reported to run 37 miles an hour it seems as though this little rabbit it
seems as though this little rabbit it
seems as though this little rabbit it was expecting me when I looked at it it
was expecting me when I looked at it it
was expecting me when I looked at it it looked at me and something told me pick
looked at me and something told me pick
looked at me and something told me pick it up most equal pick up rabbits by
it up most equal pick up rabbits by
it up most equal pick up rabbits by their ears but I reached down and I
their ears but I reached down and I
their ears but I reached down and I picked it up from its underbelly and I
picked it up from its underbelly and I
picked it up from its underbelly and I brought it to my to my body held it
brought it to my to my body held it
brought it to my to my body held it gently and looked at it to see whether
gently and looked at it to see whether
gently and looked at it to see whether it was injured or not wasn’t hurt at all
it was injured or not wasn’t hurt at all
it was injured or not wasn’t hurt at all its I carried it home I put it in a cage
its I carried it home I put it in a cage
its I carried it home I put it in a cage next to the domestic rabbits they were
next to the domestic rabbits they were
next to the domestic rabbits they were white with pink eyes later that night a
white with pink eyes later that night a
white with pink eyes later that night a storm began brewing I knew that this
storm began brewing I knew that this
storm began brewing I knew that this rabbit could not make it unless the cage
rabbit could not make it unless the cage
rabbit could not make it unless the cage was covered so I went to my dad with
was covered so I went to my dad with
was covered so I went to my dad with pleading eyes said can I go out there
pleading eyes said can I go out there
pleading eyes said can I go out there and cover their cage he looked at me
and cover their cage he looked at me
and cover their cage he looked at me with indifference in his eyes and said
with indifference in his eyes and said
with indifference in his eyes and said no the next morning when the Sun rose I
no the next morning when the Sun rose I
no the next morning when the Sun rose I went out and as I approached the cage I
went out and as I approached the cage I
went out and as I approached the cage I see the little rabbit turned on his side
see the little rabbit turned on his side
see the little rabbit turned on his side immediately I knew that it was dead I
immediately I knew that it was dead I
immediately I knew that it was dead I was sad I was hurt and I was angry
was sad I was hurt and I was angry
was sad I was hurt and I was angry I was sad and hurt because the little
I was sad and hurt because the little
I was sad and hurt because the little rabbit by allowing me to pick it up told
rabbit by allowing me to pick it up told
rabbit by allowing me to pick it up told me and whatever my father was beating
me and whatever my father was beating
me and whatever my father was beating with that bullwhip wasn’t in me because
with that bullwhip wasn’t in me because
with that bullwhip wasn’t in me because he trusted me he’d let me pick it up
he trusted me he’d let me pick it up
he trusted me he’d let me pick it up take it home angry because it trusted me
take it home angry because it trusted me
take it home angry because it trusted me and Ellen’s now dead
you know it’s 2006 I’m at Pleasant
you know it’s 2006 I’m at Pleasant Valley State Prison I don’t know if you
Valley State Prison I don’t know if you
Valley State Prison I don’t know if you heard but a lot of people were dying of
heard but a lot of people were dying of
heard but a lot of people were dying of valley fever I couldn’t breathe and I
valley fever I couldn’t breathe and I
valley fever I couldn’t breathe and I was high so I told her officer I can’t
was high so I told her officer I can’t
was high so I told her officer I can’t breathe and I’m hot and he looked at me
breathe and I’m hot and he looked at me
breathe and I’m hot and he looked at me and said Lionel you’re talking so you’re
and said Lionel you’re talking so you’re
and said Lionel you’re talking so you’re breathing you’re standing so you’re okay
breathing you’re standing so you’re okay
breathing you’re standing so you’re okay this is prison and he walked off a
this is prison and he walked off a
this is prison and he walked off a little while later another officer came
little while later another officer came
little while later another officer came to take me to uh the hearing when she
to take me to uh the hearing when she
to take me to uh the hearing when she grabbed my arm she said man I can’t take
grabbed my arm she said man I can’t take
grabbed my arm she said man I can’t take you to that hearing I said why is that
you to that hearing I said why is that
you to that hearing I said why is that she says you’re on fire I have to rush
she says you’re on fire I have to rush
she says you’re on fire I have to rush you to the medical station now once
you to the medical station now once
you to the medical station now once inside this medical station it was a
inside this medical station it was a
inside this medical station it was a small room they hooked me to the vital
small room they hooked me to the vital
small room they hooked me to the vital machine somebody listened to my lungs
machine somebody listened to my lungs
machine somebody listened to my lungs and I’ve seen the nurse practitioner get
and I’ve seen the nurse practitioner get
and I’ve seen the nurse practitioner get on the phone I heard her tell someone I
on the phone I heard her tell someone I
on the phone I heard her tell someone I have a man here who has 106 temperature
have a man here who has 106 temperature
have a man here who has 106 temperature he’s in critical condition his vitals
he’s in critical condition his vitals
he’s in critical condition his vitals are off the chart and his lungs are full
are off the chart and his lungs are full
are off the chart and his lungs are full of bacteria we need an ambulance
so I was amber lamps to Kalinga regional
so I was amber lamps to Kalinga regional treatment center once inside the
treatment center once inside the
treatment center once inside the emergency room a doctor came in and I’ll
emergency room a doctor came in and I’ll
emergency room a doctor came in and I’ll never forget it was kind of strange
never forget it was kind of strange
never forget it was kind of strange because he walked in and he started
because he walked in and he started
because he walked in and he started walking with his head down he said I
walking with his head down he said I
walking with his head down he said I know it’s all bad man this time you
know it’s all bad man this time you
know it’s all bad man this time you can’t sign out against medical advice I
can’t sign out against medical advice I
can’t sign out against medical advice I have to admit you they’re going to try
have to admit you they’re going to try
have to admit you they’re going to try to save your life you’re in critical
to save your life you’re in critical
to save your life you’re in critical condition they’re going to be hooking
condition they’re going to be hooking
condition they’re going to be hooking you up to these machines and moving you
you up to these machines and moving you
you up to these machines and moving you to a room where they could put you in a
to a room where they could put you in a
to a room where they could put you in a nice bit and try to
nice bit and try to
nice bit and try to bring the temperature down try to keep
bring the temperature down try to keep
bring the temperature down try to keep your life it moved me to a room and he
your life it moved me to a room and he
your life it moved me to a room and he said somebody would come in there every
said somebody would come in there every
said somebody would come in there every 15 minutes and check you every 15
15 minutes and check you every 15
15 minutes and check you every 15 minutes for seven days somebody came in
minutes for seven days somebody came in
minutes for seven days somebody came in that room a nurse doctor someone and
that room a nurse doctor someone and
that room a nurse doctor someone and invariably every time they came in they
invariably every time they came in they
invariably every time they came in they turned that vital machine where I
turned that vital machine where I
turned that vital machine where I couldn’t see the whatever it said
couldn’t see the whatever it said
couldn’t see the whatever it said because they didn’t want to they didn’t
because they didn’t want to they didn’t
because they didn’t want to they didn’t want me to feel worse than I already did
want me to feel worse than I already did
want me to feel worse than I already did but I would search their eyes for a sign
but I would search their eyes for a sign
but I would search their eyes for a sign of what state my health was in and he’s
of what state my health was in and he’s
of what state my health was in and he’s time I’d searched their eyes they would
time I’d searched their eyes they would
time I’d searched their eyes they would always get tears in him some of the
always get tears in him some of the
always get tears in him some of the nurses were going shocks I knew I wasn’t
nurses were going shocks I knew I wasn’t
nurses were going shocks I knew I wasn’t doing good but every time I’ve seen them
doing good but every time I’ve seen them
doing good but every time I’ve seen them tear up my heart softened and my health
tear up my heart softened and my health
tear up my heart softened and my health strengthened this went on for seven days
strengthened this went on for seven days
strengthened this went on for seven days at some point in the seven-day period I
at some point in the seven-day period I
at some point in the seven-day period I realized that these people were not
realized that these people were not
realized that these people were not healing me with medicine wasn’t the IV’s
healing me with medicine wasn’t the IV’s
healing me with medicine wasn’t the IV’s it wasn’t any of them things but it was
it wasn’t any of them things but it was
it wasn’t any of them things but it was what came from their hearts that has me
what came from their hearts that has me
what came from their hearts that has me alive to stand here and talk to you
alive to stand here and talk to you
alive to stand here and talk to you today
today
today I had recently given a speech about my
I had recently given a speech about my
I had recently given a speech about my past to a small group of people but when
past to a small group of people but when
past to a small group of people but when I had completed it and was about to
I had completed it and was about to
I had completed it and was about to depart a man in the group said give me a
depart a man in the group said give me a
depart a man in the group said give me a hug
hug
hug well this is prison and guys look at the
well this is prison and guys look at the
well this is prison and guys look at the guy prisoners he looked at me and
guy prisoners he looked at me and
guy prisoners he looked at me and hugging not in a good way but the guy
hugging not in a good way but the guy
hugging not in a good way but the guy said give me a hug again so he hugged me
said give me a hug again so he hugged me
said give me a hug again so he hugged me and when I hugged him I realized I
and when I hugged him I realized I
and when I hugged him I realized I didn’t feel his arms what I didn’t feel
didn’t feel his arms what I didn’t feel
didn’t feel his arms what I didn’t feel was nothing negative the only thing I
was nothing negative the only thing I
was nothing negative the only thing I felt was peace harmony tranquility love
felt was peace harmony tranquility love
felt was peace harmony tranquility love and I realized that this man kind of
and I realized that this man kind of
and I realized that this man kind of like the rabbit for some reason or
like the rabbit for some reason or
like the rabbit for some reason or another he would have been placed in
another he would have been placed in
another he would have been placed in that spot on that day at that time to
that spot on that day at that time to
that spot on that day at that time to teach me something
teach me something
teach me something to give me something I realized that he
to give me something I realized that he
to give me something I realized that he had just hugged me with his heart
had just hugged me with his heart
had just hugged me with his heart I’m glad of that no matter how anybody
I’m glad of that no matter how anybody
I’m glad of that no matter how anybody looks at it it’s the one of the best
looks at it it’s the one of the best
looks at it it’s the one of the best blessings I ever had in my life I know
blessings I ever had in my life I know
blessings I ever had in my life I know that I know it started out this speech
that I know it started out this speech
that I know it started out this speech it’s obvious that as a child I didn’t
it’s obvious that as a child I didn’t
it’s obvious that as a child I didn’t know much about the matters of love but
know much about the matters of love but
know much about the matters of love but a small rabbit without any words said
a small rabbit without any words said
a small rabbit without any words said your heart I trust a small pony without
your heart I trust a small pony without
your heart I trust a small pony without any hands sheltered me and said I love
any hands sheltered me and said I love
any hands sheltered me and said I love you people at Kalinga regional treatment
you people at Kalinga regional treatment
you people at Kalinga regional treatment center the medical they healed me with
center the medical they healed me with
center the medical they healed me with their hearts if love was in a particular
their hearts if love was in a particular
their hearts if love was in a particular place or a particular person if it had a
place or a particular person if it had a
place or a particular person if it had a particular measurement particular skin
particular measurement particular skin
particular measurement particular skin tone eye color any of them things we’d
tone eye color any of them things we’d
tone eye color any of them things we’d all know where it was that because
all know where it was that because
all know where it was that because everybody on the planet would be heading
everybody on the planet would be heading
everybody on the planet would be heading in that direction we could just follow
in that direction we could just follow
in that direction we could just follow the traffic love is in a particular
the traffic love is in a particular
the traffic love is in a particular place and today it’s obvious from all
place and today it’s obvious from all
place and today it’s obvious from all you people here and it’s an every one of
you people here and it’s an every one of
you people here and it’s an every one of you if you got a mirror we’ll just look
you if you got a mirror we’ll just look
you if you got a mirror we’ll just look in it and then go beneath the surface
in it and then go beneath the surface
in it and then go beneath the surface and go into your heart
and go into your heart
and go into your heart my challenge to you is be like the
my challenge to you is be like the
my challenge to you is be like the rabbit find someone who’s in need like I
rabbit find someone who’s in need like I
rabbit find someone who’s in need like I was and maybe without words show them
was and maybe without words show them
was and maybe without words show them love or like that little pony touch them
love or like that little pony touch them
love or like that little pony touch them with something other than your hands and
with something other than your hands and
with something other than your hands and have an impact in their life or like
have an impact in their life or like
have an impact in their life or like those doctors and their nurses love is
those doctors and their nurses love is
those doctors and their nurses love is not this this superficial thing that a
not this this superficial thing that a
not this this superficial thing that a lot of people aspire to it’s something
lot of people aspire to it’s something
lot of people aspire to it’s something much deeper it’s of spiritual dimensions
those people they knew that the medicine
those people they knew that the medicine it wasn’t gonna do it but they had in
it wasn’t gonna do it but they had in
it wasn’t gonna do it but they had in them what it took to keep me alive they
them what it took to keep me alive they
them what it took to keep me alive they stand here and talk to you today each of
stand here and talk to you today each of
stand here and talk to you today each of you having you what it takes to support
you having you what it takes to support
you having you what it takes to support life in each of you every day and I
life in each of you every day and I
life in each of you every day and I believe that this is what you should do
believe that this is what you should do
believe that this is what you should do thank you
”
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