so when I finished my third lift on this year’s Invictus games in the competition
year’s Invictus games in the competition
year’s Invictus games in the competition I came off the platform and a news
I came off the platform and a news
I came off the platform and a news presenter said to me so where do you
presenter said to me so where do you
presenter said to me so where do you think you’ve come so before I tell you
think you’ve come so before I tell you
think you’ve come so before I tell you where I came if you don’t already know
where I came if you don’t already know
where I came if you don’t already know I’m gonna tell you ring you right the
I’m gonna tell you ring you right the
I’m gonna tell you ring you right the way back to where I came from originally
way back to where I came from originally
way back to where I came from originally I’ve not changed much how I thank you
I’ve not changed much how I thank you
I’ve not changed much how I thank you thank you
thank you
thank you so back in my childhood sadly wasn’t the
so back in my childhood sadly wasn’t the
so back in my childhood sadly wasn’t the greatest we went through some very
greatest we went through some very
greatest we went through some very turbulent times there was a lot of
turbulent times there was a lot of
turbulent times there was a lot of shouting there was a little bit of
shouting there was a little bit of
shouting there was a little bit of violence and sadly throughout my time
violence and sadly throughout my time
violence and sadly throughout my time growing up I experienced child sexual
growing up I experienced child sexual
growing up I experienced child sexual abuse from a family friend and that went
abuse from a family friend and that went
abuse from a family friend and that went on for about two or three years and I
on for about two or three years and I
on for about two or three years and I never really socialized so I wasn’t
never really socialized so I wasn’t
never really socialized so I wasn’t around people didn’t know how to
around people didn’t know how to
around people didn’t know how to interact with people all I’d known was
interact with people all I’d known was
interact with people all I’d known was being at home in that environment so at
being at home in that environment so at
being at home in that environment so at 15 I’m uh need to leave home leave the
15 I’m uh need to leave home leave the
15 I’m uh need to leave home leave the situation I was in because I just
situation I was in because I just
situation I was in because I just finished school at that point although I
finished school at that point although I
finished school at that point although I did pass my exams I’d literally sadly I
did pass my exams I’d literally sadly I
did pass my exams I’d literally sadly I hadn’t revised because I hadn’t had the
hadn’t revised because I hadn’t had the
hadn’t revised because I hadn’t had the space all the time or the safe place to
space all the time or the safe place to
space all the time or the safe place to revise so I passed nine GCSEs only one
revise so I passed nine GCSEs only one
revise so I passed nine GCSEs only one grade C but the fact that I passed more
grade C but the fact that I passed more
grade C but the fact that I passed more considering I didn’t revise I was quite
considering I didn’t revise I was quite
considering I didn’t revise I was quite pleased with that but I thought well
pleased with that but I thought well
pleased with that but I thought well what do I do with my life now because I
what do I do with my life now because I
what do I do with my life now because I don’t know who I am I don’t know what
don’t know who I am I don’t know what
don’t know who I am I don’t know what I’m about I don’t know what I like to do
I’m about I don’t know what I like to do
I’m about I don’t know what I like to do what you know what I don’t like to do
what you know what I don’t like to do
what you know what I don’t like to do could really go anywhere with the exam
could really go anywhere with the exam
could really go anywhere with the exam results that I had but I remember back
results that I had but I remember back
results that I had but I remember back in when I was 13 we had a curious fair
in when I was 13 we had a curious fair
in when I was 13 we had a curious fair that people have at schools and the RAF
that people have at schools and the RAF
that people have at schools and the RAF were there and I always said I’d love to
were there and I always said I’d love to
were there and I always said I’d love to join but I didn’t think I was good
join but I didn’t think I was good
join but I didn’t think I was good enough and I didn’t think I was clever
enough and I didn’t think I was clever
enough and I didn’t think I was clever enough
enough
enough so I got a job in which my head teacher
so I got a job in which my head teacher
so I got a job in which my head teacher got me in a fishing tackle shop cooked
got me in a fishing tackle shop cooked
got me in a fishing tackle shop cooked in maggots and look worms and things
in maggots and look worms and things
in maggots and look worms and things like I think I’m winking
like I think I’m winking
like I think I’m winking but sadly and and they really really
but sadly and and they really really
but sadly and and they really really smell if anyone’s been near maggots and
smell if anyone’s been near maggots and
smell if anyone’s been near maggots and say all the horrendous but that was my
say all the horrendous but that was my
say all the horrendous but that was my first job and I spent a year or so doing
first job and I spent a year or so doing
first job and I spent a year or so doing that and then because I was into drawing
that and then because I was into drawing
that and then because I was into drawing etc I then went to a furniture shop to
etc I then went to a furniture shop to
etc I then went to a furniture shop to draw furniture patterns which doesn’t
draw furniture patterns which doesn’t
draw furniture patterns which doesn’t sound great but to me it was better than
sound great but to me it was better than
sound great but to me it was better than touching those things so I did that and
touching those things so I did that and
touching those things so I did that and then somebody said to me why don’t you
then somebody said to me why don’t you
then somebody said to me why don’t you join the RAF and I said I’m really not
join the RAF and I said I’m really not
join the RAF and I said I’m really not clever enough they said yeah but for
clever enough they said yeah but for
clever enough they said yeah but for some of the things you don’t need
some of the things you don’t need
some of the things you don’t need qualifications so I went to the
qualifications so I went to the
qualifications so I went to the recruitment office and they basically
recruitment office and they basically
recruitment office and they basically said you don’t need a qualification to
said you don’t need a qualification to
said you don’t need a qualification to be a medic we thought so I joined I left
be a medic we thought so I joined I left
be a medic we thought so I joined I left home sadly all my belongings were there
home sadly all my belongings were there
home sadly all my belongings were there and I really don’t know what’s happened
and I really don’t know what’s happened
and I really don’t know what’s happened to him since so I basically join the RAF
to him since so I basically join the RAF
to him since so I basically join the RAF with nothing apart from my good self so
with nothing apart from my good self so
with nothing apart from my good self so I turns a very naive didn’t know how to
I turns a very naive didn’t know how to
I turns a very naive didn’t know how to communicate with people haven’t had any
communicate with people haven’t had any
communicate with people haven’t had any friends really so I was suddenly in this
friends really so I was suddenly in this
friends really so I was suddenly in this environment where you’re sharing a room
environment where you’re sharing a room
environment where you’re sharing a room with 23 other people and you’re having
with 23 other people and you’re having
with 23 other people and you’re having to try and work together and communicate
to try and work together and communicate
to try and work together and communicate and they’re having a laugh and things
and they’re having a laugh and things
and they’re having a laugh and things like that and I’m feeling very
like that and I’m feeling very
like that and I’m feeling very uncomfortable because I don’t know how
uncomfortable because I don’t know how
uncomfortable because I don’t know how to interact with these guys but I slowly
to interact with these guys but I slowly
to interact with these guys but I slowly start to learn and throughout training I
start to learn and throughout training I
start to learn and throughout training I realized that I had strengths where all
realized that I had strengths where all
realized that I had strengths where all the people were struggling so because of
the people were struggling so because of
the people were struggling so because of the discipline I had no problems with
the discipline I had no problems with
the discipline I had no problems with outside because I’ve kind of come from
outside because I’ve kind of come from
outside because I’ve kind of come from that environment all the inspections
that environment all the inspections
that environment all the inspections having to have everything neat and tidy
having to have everything neat and tidy
having to have everything neat and tidy again I had no problems because when
again I had no problems because when
again I had no problems because when you’ve had to cut your back lawn with
you’ve had to cut your back lawn with
you’ve had to cut your back lawn with scissors you learn how to make
scissors you learn how to make
scissors you learn how to make everything perfect so again for me that
everything perfect so again for me that
everything perfect so again for me that was no problem at all and I started to
was no problem at all and I started to
was no problem at all and I started to excel and I was doing really well and I
excel and I was doing really well and I
excel and I was doing really well and I thought you know what I’m actually a
thought you know what I’m actually a
thought you know what I’m actually a person in my own right now and people
person in my own right now and people
person in my own right now and people are actually starting to like me and I’m
are actually starting to like me and I’m
are actually starting to like me and I’m doing quite well in what I’m doing and
doing quite well in what I’m doing and
doing quite well in what I’m doing and then the opportunity came up to train as
then the opportunity came up to train as
then the opportunity came up to train as a paramedic and I thought well I shan’t
a paramedic and I thought well I shan’t
a paramedic and I thought well I shan’t I’m Mike Levin off but I went for it
I’m Mike Levin off but I went for it
I’m Mike Levin off but I went for it anyway
anyway
anyway and I’m glad to say I look so join this
and I’m glad to say I look so join this
and I’m glad to say I look so join this is me I don’t have them glasses anymore
is me I don’t have them glasses anymore
is me I don’t have them glasses anymore thankfully alright this was me having
thankfully alright this was me having
thankfully alright this was me having passed my paramedic training and I was
passed my paramedic training and I was
passed my paramedic training and I was very proud to graduate with the rest of
very proud to graduate with the rest of
very proud to graduate with the rest of the guys and I thought this is it
the guys and I thought this is it
the guys and I thought this is it fantastic I went on a tour then with the
fantastic I went on a tour then with the
fantastic I went on a tour then with the RAF regiment and you know they’ve just
RAF regiment and you know they’ve just
RAF regiment and you know they’ve just put in the news now the women can join
put in the news now the women can join
put in the news now the women can join the RAF regiment and serve with them
the RAF regiment and serve with them
the RAF regiment and serve with them yeah I did that in 2009 it’s no news to
yeah I did that in 2009 it’s no news to
yeah I did that in 2009 it’s no news to some of us so I was the first female to
some of us so I was the first female to
some of us so I was the first female to go out and deploy to Afghanistan with
go out and deploy to Afghanistan with
go out and deploy to Afghanistan with the RAF regiment the reserves have done
the RAF regiment the reserves have done
the RAF regiment the reserves have done it many years ago but I was the first
it many years ago but I was the first
it many years ago but I was the first one to trial it and it worked really
one to trial it and it worked really
one to trial it and it worked really well
well
well and that was the making of me because I
and that was the making of me because I
and that was the making of me because I realized how strong that could be how
realized how strong that could be how
realized how strong that could be how fit I was physically and actually how
fit I was physically and actually how
fit I was physically and actually how strong I was getting mentally as well so
strong I was getting mentally as well so
strong I was getting mentally as well so I was kind of starting to build my own
I was kind of starting to build my own
I was kind of starting to build my own little bridge to actually reach other
little bridge to actually reach other
little bridge to actually reach other people because I’ve not been able to do
people because I’ve not been able to do
people because I’ve not been able to do that before so this bridge is building
that before so this bridge is building
that before so this bridge is building slowly but you can’t do that on your own
slowly but you can’t do that on your own
slowly but you can’t do that on your own you have to let people in sometimes
you have to let people in sometimes
you have to let people in sometimes which which is what I knew I had to do
which which is what I knew I had to do
which which is what I knew I had to do to them move forward after that tour my
to them move forward after that tour my
to them move forward after that tour my boss said to me why don’t you
boss said to me why don’t you
boss said to me why don’t you commissioned become an officer in the
commissioned become an officer in the
commissioned become an officer in the RAF I thought well I’m not good enough
RAF I thought well I’m not good enough
RAF I thought well I’m not good enough for that and these doubting nichols in
for that and these doubting nichols in
for that and these doubting nichols in my mind saying you’ve got no
my mind saying you’ve got no
my mind saying you’ve got no qualifications you’re not good enough
qualifications you’re not good enough
qualifications you’re not good enough you’ll never do it and you’ll never make
you’ll never do it and you’ll never make
you’ll never do it and you’ll never make it but I went through the training and I
it but I went through the training and I
it but I went through the training and I worked hard but all the way through my
worked hard but all the way through my
worked hard but all the way through my military career my failure or they’re
military career my failure or they’re
military career my failure or they’re not fairly cuz I don’t cost anything as
not fairly cuz I don’t cost anything as
not fairly cuz I don’t cost anything as failures I struggled with academics and
failures I struggled with academics and
failures I struggled with academics and sport where I commissioned I got through
sport where I commissioned I got through
sport where I commissioned I got through it and through the grit of my tea so now
it and through the grit of my tea so now
it and through the grit of my tea so now I really was struggling at times I got
I really was struggling at times I got
I really was struggling at times I got through it
through it
through it I passed the cirrie exams just on the
I passed the cirrie exams just on the
I passed the cirrie exams just on the bare minimum mark that we needed but I
bare minimum mark that we needed but I
bare minimum mark that we needed but I passed them and I was so happy but then
passed them and I was so happy but then
passed them and I was so happy but then things started to change and I ended up
things started to change and I ended up
things started to change and I ended up having to be a paramedic going to
having to be a paramedic going to
having to be a paramedic going to Afghanistan working on the front line so
Afghanistan working on the front line so
Afghanistan working on the front line so my next tour then was in back of a
my next tour then was in back of a
my next tour then was in back of a helicopter picking up bodies mangled
helicopter picking up bodies mangled
helicopter picking up bodies mangled bodies picking up men women who was
bodies picking up men women who was
bodies picking up men women who was in the forces but also picking up women
in the forces but also picking up women
in the forces but also picking up women and children from the Afghans as well
and children from the Afghans as well
and children from the Afghans as well and what you know all you’re seeing is
and what you know all you’re seeing is
and what you know all you’re seeing is these people and the last thing that you
these people and the last thing that you
these people and the last thing that you see is staring into some of these dark
see is staring into some of these dark
see is staring into some of these dark eyes as their life leaves you of another
eyes as their life leaves you of another
eyes as their life leaves you of another life that we couldn’t save I then
life that we couldn’t save I then
life that we couldn’t save I then started to struggle a little bit I was
started to struggle a little bit I was
started to struggle a little bit I was diagnosed with PTSD and I had to leave
diagnosed with PTSD and I had to leave
diagnosed with PTSD and I had to leave the service everything basically hit
the service everything basically hit
the service everything basically hit rock bottom and I my bridge was
rock bottom and I my bridge was
rock bottom and I my bridge was crumbling again and I was looking down
crumbling again and I was looking down
crumbling again and I was looking down you know if I was in the edge of that
you know if I was in the edge of that
you know if I was in the edge of that bridge now that had crumbled I wanted to
bridge now that had crumbled I wanted to
bridge now that had crumbled I wanted to drop off that bridge and I plan to take
drop off that bridge and I plan to take
drop off that bridge and I plan to take my own life I was lower than you could
my own life I was lower than you could
my own life I was lower than you could possibly go and the only thing that
possibly go and the only thing that
possibly go and the only thing that stopped me from taking my own life
stopped me from taking my own life
stopped me from taking my own life with my granddad at the time and it
with my granddad at the time and it
with my granddad at the time and it would have broke his heart and if I
would have broke his heart and if I
would have broke his heart and if I hadn’t I’ve had in my heart I always do
hadn’t I’ve had in my heart I always do
hadn’t I’ve had in my heart I always do things for everybody else I’d rather do
things for everybody else I’d rather do
things for everybody else I’d rather do things for others and put myself first
things for others and put myself first
things for others and put myself first and I’m so pleased at that point I
and I’m so pleased at that point I
and I’m so pleased at that point I didn’t put myself first otherwise I
didn’t put myself first otherwise I
didn’t put myself first otherwise I wouldn’t be stood here now so I had to
wouldn’t be stood here now so I had to
wouldn’t be stood here now so I had to leave the service which I did 23 years
leave the service which I did 23 years
leave the service which I did 23 years of and I basically I was grieving for it
of and I basically I was grieving for it
of and I basically I was grieving for it for a long time after I’d suddenly
for a long time after I’d suddenly
for a long time after I’d suddenly started to become well again it was hard
started to become well again it was hard
started to become well again it was hard because this is something that I’d
because this is something that I’d
because this is something that I’d achieved this is this is something that
achieved this is this is something that
achieved this is this is something that made me as a person I found myself in
made me as a person I found myself in
made me as a person I found myself in the military and that was my family so
the military and that was my family so
the military and that was my family so then have to realise that you’ve come
then have to realise that you’ve come
then have to realise that you’ve come out because the military your dream
out because the military your dream
out because the military your dream career is then turned into your
career is then turned into your
career is then turned into your nightmare is a bit of a struggle and I
nightmare is a bit of a struggle and I
nightmare is a bit of a struggle and I can’t cope with it but you know what the
can’t cope with it but you know what the
can’t cope with it but you know what the people that I just mentioned that can
people that I just mentioned that can
people that I just mentioned that can come and help you I offered in I put my
come and help you I offered in I put my
come and help you I offered in I put my hand up because it makes a better leader
hand up because it makes a better leader
hand up because it makes a better leader to say actually I’m struggling than it
to say actually I’m struggling than it
to say actually I’m struggling than it does to just jump off the edge because
does to just jump off the edge because
does to just jump off the edge because people will follow you and jump off the
people will follow you and jump off the
people will follow you and jump off the edge so put your hand look and say look
edge so put your hand look and say look
edge so put your hand look and say look I’m struggling because you’ll find out
I’m struggling because you’ll find out
I’m struggling because you’ll find out you’re not on your own and other people
you’re not on your own and other people
you’re not on your own and other people were struggling as well so you know get
were struggling as well so you know get
were struggling as well so you know get them in and help them to build that
them in and help them to build that
them in and help them to build that bridge for you you don’t have to do
bridge for you you don’t have to do
bridge for you you don’t have to do everything on your own
everything on your own
everything on your own it’s all about teamwork and building
it’s all about teamwork and building
it’s all about teamwork and building stuff so I did that and you know it
stuff so I did that and you know it
stuff so I did that and you know it doesn’t matter where you’ve come in life
doesn’t matter where you’ve come in life
doesn’t matter where you’ve come in life I didn’t think I could achieve anything
I didn’t think I could achieve anything
I didn’t think I could achieve anything but I’ve got my paramedic training that
but I’ve got my paramedic training that
but I’ve got my paramedic training that takes a lot of work I got my commission
takes a lot of work I got my commission
takes a lot of work I got my commission that
that
that takes a lot of work you can come from
takes a lot of work you can come from
takes a lot of work you can come from nothing and you can come from the worst
nothing and you can come from the worst
nothing and you can come from the worst nightmare and get on so I mentioned that
nightmare and get on so I mentioned that
nightmare and get on so I mentioned that I’m not very good at sport and never
I’m not very good at sport and never
I’m not very good at sport and never have been all my life and I was always
have been all my life and I was always
have been all my life and I was always one that came last and the last to be
one that came last and the last to be
one that came last and the last to be picked and then Invictus said do you
picked and then Invictus said do you
picked and then Invictus said do you wanna have a go so I said well I’ve got
wanna have a go so I said well I’ve got
wanna have a go so I said well I’ve got nothing to lose so I had ago and I
nothing to lose so I had ago and I
nothing to lose so I had ago and I competed in powerlifting and in rowing I
competed in powerlifting and in rowing I
competed in powerlifting and in rowing I thought I’ll choose rowing because it’s
thought I’ll choose rowing because it’s
thought I’ll choose rowing because it’s a sit down job isn’t it it was really
a sit down job isn’t it it was really
a sit down job isn’t it it was really hard seriously hard and the powerlifting
hard seriously hard and the powerlifting
hard seriously hard and the powerlifting but do you know why I came
but do you know why I came
but do you know why I came middle of the road in rowing I didn’t
middle of the road in rowing I didn’t
middle of the road in rowing I didn’t come last for the first time ever in a
come last for the first time ever in a
come last for the first time ever in a sporting activity and I came fifth in
sporting activity and I came fifth in
sporting activity and I came fifth in the powerlifting but the guy said to me
the powerlifting but the guy said to me
the powerlifting but the guy said to me he said so where do you think you came
he said so where do you think you came
he said so where do you think you came and I said you know what I don’t
and I said you know what I don’t
and I said you know what I don’t actually care where I come yeah I don’t
actually care where I come yeah I don’t
actually care where I come yeah I don’t care
care
care I hit a PB in every sport and I did it
I hit a PB in every sport and I did it
I hit a PB in every sport and I did it and if I can do it anybody can do it so
and if I can do it anybody can do it so
and if I can do it anybody can do it so believe in yourself
”
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