every time I hear my own bio written or read out to me I I always cringe it’s so
read out to me I I always cringe it’s so
read out to me I I always cringe it’s so difficult writing your own bio no I
difficult writing your own bio no I
difficult writing your own bio no I think there’s a really good business
think there’s a really good business
think there’s a really good business idea and writing people’s BIOS you could
idea and writing people’s BIOS you could
idea and writing people’s BIOS you could actually have a branding or a PR firm
actually have a branding or a PR firm
actually have a branding or a PR firm particularly for for women um I it’s a
particularly for for women um I it’s a
particularly for for women um I it’s a real pleasure to be here it’s it’s a
real pleasure to be here it’s it’s a
real pleasure to be here it’s it’s a tough call actually to to do a TED talk
tough call actually to to do a TED talk
tough call actually to to do a TED talk to be an expert but then also to lay
to be an expert but then also to lay
to be an expert but then also to lay yourself bare on a stage so that you are
yourself bare on a stage so that you are
yourself bare on a stage so that you are really connecting and and and making
really connecting and and and making
really connecting and and and making sure that you are speaking with
sure that you are speaking with
sure that you are speaking with something with impact and so it’s a real
something with impact and so it’s a real
something with impact and so it’s a real blessing to have all of you hear my
blessing to have all of you hear my
blessing to have all of you hear my story a story that I’ve never given in
story a story that I’ve never given in
story a story that I’ve never given in public before we’re talking about
public before we’re talking about
public before we’re talking about bridges today and one thing I’ve always
bridges today and one thing I’ve always
bridges today and one thing I’ve always thought was that bridges are connect me
thought was that bridges are connect me
thought was that bridges are connect me to something they connect me they bring
to something they connect me they bring
to something they connect me they bring me somewhere and so what has brought me
me somewhere and so what has brought me
me somewhere and so what has brought me through to where I am right now right
through to where I am right now right
through to where I am right now right now arguably I am a successful woman
now arguably I am a successful woman
now arguably I am a successful woman however I didn’t only see myself that
however I didn’t only see myself that
however I didn’t only see myself that way and I certainly know that other
way and I certainly know that other
way and I certainly know that other people did not see me that way and so
people did not see me that way and so
people did not see me that way and so for me resilience has been my most
for me resilience has been my most
for me resilience has been my most important trait to acknowledge the fact
important trait to acknowledge the fact
important trait to acknowledge the fact that bad things happen that they
that bad things happen that they
that bad things happen that they happened to people they happen to women
happened to people they happen to women
happened to people they happen to women in particular form they happen to
in particular form they happen to
in particular form they happen to children and how do we recover when bad
children and how do we recover when bad
children and how do we recover when bad things happen how do we not gloss them
things happen how do we not gloss them
things happen how do we not gloss them over as a woman I was taught not to show
over as a woman I was taught not to show
over as a woman I was taught not to show my anger not to show my temper and
my anger not to show my temper and
my anger not to show my temper and certainly as a woman in the workplace I
certainly as a woman in the workplace I
certainly as a woman in the workplace I was not allowed to cry and so how was I
was not allowed to cry and so how was I
was not allowed to cry and so how was I to acknowledge when my boundaries had
to acknowledge when my boundaries had
to acknowledge when my boundaries had been crossed how are we taught that as
been crossed how are we taught that as
been crossed how are we taught that as young girls and young women so not only
young girls and young women so not only
young girls and young women so not only will I speak on resilience being a
will I speak on resilience being a
will I speak on resilience being a bridge to the other side of whatever you
bridge to the other side of whatever you
bridge to the other side of whatever you are going through
are going through
are going through but I want to get down to the practical
but I want to get down to the practical
but I want to get down to the practical steps that I know I’ve had to utilize
steps that I know I’ve had to utilize
steps that I know I’ve had to utilize just to make it through just to get
just to make it through just to get
just to make it through just to get there because sometimes all I want to do
there because sometimes all I want to do
there because sometimes all I want to do is survive
is survive
is survive it’s not about thrive I just want to
it’s not about thrive I just want to
it’s not about thrive I just want to make it to the end of the day so I had
make it to the end of the day so I had
make it to the end of the day so I had this vision for my life I wanted to be a
this vision for my life I wanted to be a
this vision for my life I wanted to be a big bad management consultant or at
big bad management consultant or at
big bad management consultant or at least something in professional services
least something in professional services
least something in professional services I’m not gonna lie it had to have simply
I’m not gonna lie it had to have simply
I’m not gonna lie it had to have simply with a degree because my mother you know
with a degree because my mother you know
with a degree because my mother you know she I wanted to be an actress at first
she I wanted to be an actress at first
she I wanted to be an actress at first and she was like oh no and so instead of
and she was like oh no and so instead of
and she was like oh no and so instead of being a lawyer being a doctor I explored
being a lawyer being a doctor I explored
being a lawyer being a doctor I explored them all I said you know what management
them all I said you know what management
them all I said you know what management consultancy I get to fly around the
consultancy I get to fly around the
consultancy I get to fly around the world I get to solve people’s problems I
world I get to solve people’s problems I
world I get to solve people’s problems I had a vision for my life and no matter
had a vision for my life and no matter
had a vision for my life and no matter who tried to derail me and oh yes there
who tried to derail me and oh yes there
who tried to derail me and oh yes there are many derailments and I’m going to
are many derailments and I’m going to
are many derailments and I’m going to talk about those surveillance in a
talk about those surveillance in a
talk about those surveillance in a second I managed to get there and then
second I managed to get there and then
second I managed to get there and then what happens you get there and you’re
what happens you get there and you’re
what happens you get there and you’re like this is actually what I really want
like this is actually what I really want
like this is actually what I really want but I remember when I was doing a job
but I remember when I was doing a job
but I remember when I was doing a job interview a long while back and I had
interview a long while back and I had
interview a long while back and I had prepared to be a management consultant I
prepared to be a management consultant I
prepared to be a management consultant I had networked my face off
had networked my face off
had networked my face off I had gone to all of the big four
I had gone to all of the big four
I had gone to all of the big four consultancies all of the networking
consultancies all of the networking
consultancies all of the networking events my CV gone to headhunters I had
events my CV gone to headhunters I had
events my CV gone to headhunters I had done master’s degrees I had industry
done master’s degrees I had industry
done master’s degrees I had industry experience and then I get in front of
experience and then I get in front of
experience and then I get in front of the interviewer and he says to me second
the interviewer and he says to me second
the interviewer and he says to me second question wow you’re involved in
question wow you’re involved in
question wow you’re involved in diversity stuff a lot are you just an
diversity stuff a lot are you just an
diversity stuff a lot are you just an angry black woman and I remember and
angry black woman and I remember and
angry black woman and I remember and what did I do afterwards
what did I do afterwards
what did I do afterwards I laughed and I said oh of course not
I laughed and I said oh of course not
I laughed and I said oh of course not in my head of course I was thinking this
in my head of course I was thinking this
in my head of course I was thinking this is what makes me angry and of course in
is what makes me angry and of course in
is what makes me angry and of course in my head I was thinking well of course
my head I was thinking well of course
my head I was thinking well of course we’re not allowed to be angry are we
we’re not allowed to be angry are we
we’re not allowed to be angry are we because you don’t even just just put my
because you don’t even just just put my
because you don’t even just just put my handcuffs on me I’m not even allowed to
handcuffs on me I’m not even allowed to
handcuffs on me I’m not even allowed to be angry I remember walking home from
be angry I remember walking home from
be angry I remember walking home from that interview I got the job at the end
that interview I got the job at the end
that interview I got the job at the end of the interview didn’t even need the
of the interview didn’t even need the
of the interview didn’t even need the call but I cried I cried so long and so
call but I cried I cried so long and so
call but I cried I cried so long and so hard because I thought I had worked so
hard because I thought I had worked so
hard because I thought I had worked so hard
hard
hard how many master’s degrees that I have
how many master’s degrees that I have
how many master’s degrees that I have how many organizations that I had to
how many organizations that I had to
how many organizations that I had to how many TVs how many papers that I have
how many TVs how many papers that I have
how many TVs how many papers that I have to write and the second question you ask
to write and the second question you ask
to write and the second question you ask me is about being an angry black woman
me is about being an angry black woman
me is about being an angry black woman you didn’t ask me about my business
you didn’t ask me about my business
you didn’t ask me about my business experience you didn’t ask me about my
experience you didn’t ask me about my
experience you didn’t ask me about my multiple passports you didn’t ask me
multiple passports you didn’t ask me
multiple passports you didn’t ask me about my Canadian accent you didn’t even
about my Canadian accent you didn’t even
about my Canadian accent you didn’t even ask me about my brown skin you asked me
ask me about my brown skin you asked me
ask me about my brown skin you asked me about how if I was an angry black woman
about how if I was an angry black woman
about how if I was an angry black woman I cried I cried long and I cried hard
I cried I cried long and I cried hard
I cried I cried long and I cried hard and I was it was almost like this David
and I was it was almost like this David
and I was it was almost like this David Banner scene with the music playing in
Banner scene with the music playing in
Banner scene with the music playing in the background I was walking along the
the background I was walking along the
the background I was walking along the Thames dude I thought and then I called
Thames dude I thought and then I called
Thames dude I thought and then I called my squad my community I called my
my squad my community I called my
my squad my community I called my girlfriend in New York and she flew over
girlfriend in New York and she flew over
girlfriend in New York and she flew over the next day and she got together these
the next day and she got together these
the next day and she got together these four other black women who were you know
four other black women who were you know
four other black women who were you know doing things you’re all young in our
doing things you’re all young in our
doing things you’re all young in our careers then and we got together and
careers then and we got together and
careers then and we got together and they got me through cuz I had someone to
they got me through cuz I had someone to
they got me through cuz I had someone to cry with I had a community but there was
cry with I had a community but there was
cry with I had a community but there was one thing I did I knew I needed despite
one thing I did I knew I needed despite
one thing I did I knew I needed despite all of the all of the the troubles it
all of the all of the the troubles it
all of the all of the the troubles it was the vision because I knew that no
was the vision because I knew that no
was the vision because I knew that no matter what any person said to me I was
matter what any person said to me I was
matter what any person said to me I was going to be a management consultant I
going to be a management consultant I
going to be a management consultant I visioned it I put it on a board I had
visioned it I put it on a board I had
visioned it I put it on a board I had pictures I knew and so there was no way
pictures I knew and so there was no way
pictures I knew and so there was no way he was going to deter me from my path
he was going to deter me from my path
he was going to deter me from my path the thing is I had a vision but I also
the thing is I had a vision but I also
the thing is I had a vision but I also knew I had a history and I had legacy so
knew I had a history and I had legacy so
knew I had a history and I had legacy so in developing resilience I would also
in developing resilience I would also
in developing resilience I would also encourage you to look back at what your
encourage you to look back at what your
encourage you to look back at what your ancestors what our ancestors have done
ancestors what our ancestors have done
ancestors what our ancestors have done together we literally live in a country
together we literally live in a country
together we literally live in a country that has a saying we’ve made up this
that has a saying we’ve made up this
that has a saying we’ve made up this saying keep calm and carry on like
saying keep calm and carry on like
saying keep calm and carry on like that’s the legacy of living here in this
that’s the legacy of living here in this
that’s the legacy of living here in this country we know how to carry on if we
country we know how to carry on if we
country we know how to carry on if we look at our great institutions that were
look at our great institutions that were
look at our great institutions that were most proud of the NHS TfL the oldest in
most proud of the NHS TfL the oldest in
most proud of the NHS TfL the oldest in the world and they’re still here if you
the world and they’re still here if you
the world and they’re still here if you think about what this country has gone
think about what this country has gone
think about what this country has gone through we know how to survive we know
through we know how to survive we know
through we know how to survive we know not only to how to survive we know how
not only to how to survive we know how
not only to how to survive we know how to thrive if I look at my own ancestor
to thrive if I look at my own ancestor
to thrive if I look at my own ancestor I came here in Chains and I’m on your
I came here in Chains and I’m on your
I came here in Chains and I’m on your stage if I look at my ancestors on a
stage if I look at my ancestors on a
stage if I look at my ancestors on a greater level I think wait it there was
greater level I think wait it there was
greater level I think wait it there was a whole genre of music a multi-billion
a whole genre of music a multi-billion
a whole genre of music a multi-billion pound industry of music was based on the
pound industry of music was based on the
pound industry of music was based on the fact that a school took away the
fact that a school took away the
fact that a school took away the instruments and the music program from a
instruments and the music program from a
instruments and the music program from a little school in New York and that’s how
little school in New York and that’s how
little school in New York and that’s how hip-hop was born because of lack that’s
hip-hop was born because of lack that’s
hip-hop was born because of lack that’s the history and legacy that I know I
the history and legacy that I know I
the history and legacy that I know I have of my ancestors I know that with
have of my ancestors I know that with
have of my ancestors I know that with women it’s no longer about us not having
women it’s no longer about us not having
women it’s no longer about us not having the ability or the cave scene perceived
the ability or the cave scene perceived
the ability or the cave scene perceived ability to work
ability to work
ability to work it’s not about that’s not voting anymore
it’s not about that’s not voting anymore
it’s not about that’s not voting anymore because our ancestors fought for that
because our ancestors fought for that
because our ancestors fought for that and so I know that there is a legacy of
and so I know that there is a legacy of
and so I know that there is a legacy of change and advocacy in me that I can
change and advocacy in me that I can
change and advocacy in me that I can keep on going so that’s what helps me
keep on going so that’s what helps me
keep on going so that’s what helps me fuel the vision and the resilience but
fuel the vision and the resilience but
fuel the vision and the resilience but quite frankly I’m not even gonna lie in
quite frankly I’m not even gonna lie in
quite frankly I’m not even gonna lie in the middle of it it’s hard to look at
the middle of it it’s hard to look at
the middle of it it’s hard to look at the vision sometimes in the middle of it
the vision sometimes in the middle of it
the vision sometimes in the middle of it you just gotta feel it and so I
you just gotta feel it and so I
you just gotta feel it and so I encourage everyone in this room that
encourage everyone in this room that
encourage everyone in this room that when you receive a blow don’t shove it
when you receive a blow don’t shove it
when you receive a blow don’t shove it aside
acknowledge it acknowledge the anger
acknowledge it acknowledge the anger that you feel acknowledge that there is
that you feel acknowledge that there is
that you feel acknowledge that there is a boundary that’s been crossed I’m not
a boundary that’s been crossed I’m not
a boundary that’s been crossed I’m not saying that you have to go off on a
saying that you have to go off on a
saying that you have to go off on a mission and express it in an unhealthy
mission and express it in an unhealthy
mission and express it in an unhealthy way but what I am saying is that anger
way but what I am saying is that anger
way but what I am saying is that anger hurt and pain are ways that your body
hurt and pain are ways that your body
hurt and pain are ways that your body and your spirit are telling you that
and your spirit are telling you that
and your spirit are telling you that your boundary has been crossed and they
your boundary has been crossed and they
your boundary has been crossed and they are healthy they are healthy and that is
are healthy they are healthy and that is
are healthy they are healthy and that is how you develop resilience I was abused
how you develop resilience I was abused
how you develop resilience I was abused for it for ten years
for it for ten years
for it for ten years and for ten years when I was a child by
and for ten years when I was a child by
and for ten years when I was a child by an extended family member and for 25
an extended family member and for 25
an extended family member and for 25 years there afterwards I said nothing
years there afterwards I said nothing
years there afterwards I said nothing about it I lived it within my own secret
about it I lived it within my own secret
about it I lived it within my own secret my own shame and it’s only when I got
my own shame and it’s only when I got
my own shame and it’s only when I got together with my three other extended
together with my three other extended
together with my three other extended family member cousins and realized that
family member cousins and realized that
family member cousins and realized that they had gone through the same thing I
they had gone through the same thing I
they had gone through the same thing I had my community around me who was able
had my community around me who was able
had my community around me who was able to say back to our parents hey you know
to say back to our parents hey you know
to say back to our parents hey you know what this is what happened to us and we
what this is what happened to us and we
what this is what happened to us and we were scared to tell you before
were scared to tell you before
were scared to tell you before but now when we’re 40 we’re gonna tell
but now when we’re 40 we’re gonna tell
but now when we’re 40 we’re gonna tell you it’s so important to have that
you it’s so important to have that
you it’s so important to have that community and that squad to up to uphold
community and that squad to up to uphold
community and that squad to up to uphold you and that history in that legacy that
you and that history in that legacy that
you and that history in that legacy that you can look back on surround yourself
you can look back on surround yourself
you can look back on surround yourself with positive stories surround yourself
with positive stories surround yourself
with positive stories surround yourself with stories of people who are doing
with stories of people who are doing
with stories of people who are doing things who are getting through things
things who are getting through things
things who are getting through things cuz by frankly there are enough stories
cuz by frankly there are enough stories
cuz by frankly there are enough stories out there that are really really
out there that are really really
out there that are really really negative so forget those ones you don’t
negative so forget those ones you don’t
negative so forget those ones you don’t need them you don’t need otherwise
need them you don’t need otherwise
need them you don’t need otherwise another tool I know that I practically
another tool I know that I practically
another tool I know that I practically used in terms of resilience and
used in terms of resilience and
used in terms of resilience and developing it is quite fun it’s kind of
developing it is quite fun it’s kind of
developing it is quite fun it’s kind of boring but hardwork grit if the success
boring but hardwork grit if the success
boring but hardwork grit if the success does not come easy success does not come
does not come easy success does not come
does not come easy success does not come in little short bursts is they all come
in little short bursts is they all come
in little short bursts is they all come after short bursts of work either if you
after short bursts of work either if you
after short bursts of work either if you look at some of the most amazing people
look at some of the most amazing people
look at some of the most amazing people in their field so if you look at for
in their field so if you look at for
in their field so if you look at for example JK Rowling and how many
example JK Rowling and how many
example JK Rowling and how many manuscripts did she write and how many
manuscripts did she write and how many
manuscripts did she write and how many times did she get rejected before the
times did she get rejected before the
times did she get rejected before the one came through if you look at Michael
one came through if you look at Michael
one came through if you look at Michael Jordan when he was cut from the high
Jordan when he was cut from the high
Jordan when he was cut from the high school basketball team they must be
school basketball team they must be
school basketball team they must be crying right now
crying right now
crying right now Oprah Winfrey they told her that she
Oprah Winfrey they told her that she
Oprah Winfrey they told her that she wasn’t good enough for TV I have to
wasn’t good enough for TV I have to
wasn’t good enough for TV I have to laugh because quite frankly you know
laugh because quite frankly you know
laugh because quite frankly you know we’re at the time right now if you’re
we’re at the time right now if you’re
we’re at the time right now if you’re and you’re like say mid to late 20s
and you’re like say mid to late 20s
and you’re like say mid to late 20s onwards that’s where you see hard work
onwards that’s where you see hard work
onwards that’s where you see hard work pay off it’s not where you see it’s not
pay off it’s not where you see it’s not
pay off it’s not where you see it’s not about natural ability anymore it’s it’s
about natural ability anymore it’s it’s
about natural ability anymore it’s it’s not like you know Jennifer Lopez
not like you know Jennifer Lopez
not like you know Jennifer Lopez actually doesn’t really sing that well
actually doesn’t really sing that well
actually doesn’t really sing that well naturally and neither did Madonna I love
naturally and neither did Madonna I love
naturally and neither did Madonna I love them but they took their lessons just
them but they took their lessons just
them but they took their lessons just like everybody else and they worked
like everybody else and they worked
like everybody else and they worked really really hard for it and so in
really really hard for it and so in
really really hard for it and so in terms of being able to survive a blow
terms of being able to survive a blow
terms of being able to survive a blow and survive a fall to get through to the
and survive a fall to get through to the
and survive a fall to get through to the other side to bridge that gap you’re
other side to bridge that gap you’re
other side to bridge that gap you’re gonna have to just work hard for it but
gonna have to just work hard for it but
gonna have to just work hard for it but know that everyone who’s really good at
know that everyone who’s really good at
know that everyone who’s really good at it
it
it they work hard for it that’s what makes
they work hard for it that’s what makes
they work hard for it that’s what makes it worth it this summer I had one of the
it worth it this summer I had one of the
it worth it this summer I had one of the most difficult summers ever I thought I
most difficult summers ever I thought I
most difficult summers ever I thought I wasn’t gonna make it here to the other
wasn’t gonna make it here to the other
wasn’t gonna make it here to the other side between love and loss
side between love and loss
side between love and loss family and friends I had an awards
family and friends I had an awards
family and friends I had an awards program a national awards program and I
program a national awards program and I
program a national awards program and I honestly didn’t think I wasn’t make it
honestly didn’t think I wasn’t make it
honestly didn’t think I wasn’t make it through I was on my knees and that’s how
through I was on my knees and that’s how
through I was on my knees and that’s how I got Simone being one of them one of
I got Simone being one of them one of
I got Simone being one of them one of the founders of TEDx Whitehall women
the founders of TEDx Whitehall women
the founders of TEDx Whitehall women they brought me up they picked me up off
they brought me up they picked me up off
they brought me up they picked me up off my knees I had a community of people my
my knees I had a community of people my
my knees I had a community of people my mother she came over and she’s here
mother she came over and she’s here
mother she came over and she’s here right now she’s in the audience I could
right now she’s in the audience I could
right now she’s in the audience I could not go on without saying hi to my mother
not go on without saying hi to my mother
not go on without saying hi to my mother in the audience she came over and she
in the audience she came over and she
in the audience she came over and she helped me but I lost my home my family
helped me but I lost my home my family
helped me but I lost my home my family my friends my money and I was on my
my friends my money and I was on my
my friends my money and I was on my knees and then I had a community of
knees and then I had a community of
knees and then I had a community of women who really up girded me and kept
women who really up girded me and kept
women who really up girded me and kept me from falling and walked me to a place
me from falling and walked me to a place
me from falling and walked me to a place where I could walk myself and that for
where I could walk myself and that for
where I could walk myself and that for me is the core of my resilience the core
me is the core of my resilience the core
me is the core of my resilience the core of how I get through to the other side
of how I get through to the other side
of how I get through to the other side because I can’t do it by myself and it
because I can’t do it by myself and it
because I can’t do it by myself and it is such a beautiful satisfying place to
is such a beautiful satisfying place to
is such a beautiful satisfying place to admit weakness to admit that I can’t do
admit weakness to admit that I can’t do
admit weakness to admit that I can’t do it all I am NOT the superwoman it’s a
it all I am NOT the superwoman it’s a
it all I am NOT the superwoman it’s a great place and they built authentic
great place and they built authentic
great place and they built authentic relationships relationships that are
relationships relationships that are
relationships relationships that are built on quite frankly showing your
built on quite frankly showing your
built on quite frankly showing your backside to one another not showing that
backside to one another not showing that
backside to one another not showing that you’re perfect and so between hope and
you’re perfect and so between hope and
you’re perfect and so between hope and history and legacy and community and
history and legacy and community and
history and legacy and community and grit and hard work then those are things
grit and hard work then those are things
grit and hard work then those are things that you can foster yourself to
that you can foster yourself to
that you can foster yourself to anticipate and to not just survive but
anticipate and to not just survive but
anticipate and to not just survive but thrive when the next blow comes thank
thrive when the next blow comes thank
thrive when the next blow comes thank you
you
you [Applause]
”
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