I have a question for you is it mitting you’re wrong a sign of weakness or sign
you’re wrong a sign of weakness or sign
you’re wrong a sign of weakness or sign of strength and how hard is it for you
of strength and how hard is it for you
of strength and how hard is it for you to consider that you’ve gotten something
to consider that you’ve gotten something
to consider that you’ve gotten something wrong I’m not talking about small areas
wrong I’m not talking about small areas
wrong I’m not talking about small areas what about when the stakes are high when
what about when the stakes are high when
what about when the stakes are high when what you’ve got wrong could affect your
what you’ve got wrong could affect your
what you’ve got wrong could affect your livelihood or your involvement in a
livelihood or your involvement in a
livelihood or your involvement in a community or even your own sense of
community or even your own sense of
community or even your own sense of identity I wish that these questions
identity I wish that these questions
identity I wish that these questions were just theoretical but for me they’re
were just theoretical but for me they’re
were just theoretical but for me they’re very real very right now questions that
very real very right now questions that
very real very right now questions that I am wrestling with in a very public way
I am wrestling with in a very public way
I am wrestling with in a very public way so let me tell you a little bit of my
so let me tell you a little bit of my
so let me tell you a little bit of my journey I could take you to the exact
journey I could take you to the exact
journey I could take you to the exact spot in my parents living room in
spot in my parents living room in
spot in my parents living room in Gresham Oregon where I knelt down and I
Gresham Oregon where I knelt down and I
Gresham Oregon where I knelt down and I prayed this prayer God let me write a
prayed this prayer God let me write a
prayed this prayer God let me write a book that will change the world be
book that will change the world be
book that will change the world be careful what you pray for
careful what you pray for
careful what you pray for I was 20 years old I was young I was
I was 20 years old I was young I was
I was 20 years old I was young I was religiously zealous I was certain and I
religiously zealous I was certain and I
religiously zealous I was certain and I was restlessly ambitious youth zeal
was restlessly ambitious youth zeal
was restlessly ambitious youth zeal certainty ambition not unlike the
certainty ambition not unlike the
certainty ambition not unlike the ingredients of the Molotov cocktail they
ingredients of the Molotov cocktail they
ingredients of the Molotov cocktail they have the tendency to to set the world on
have the tendency to to set the world on
have the tendency to to set the world on fire and in my little corner of the
fire and in my little corner of the
fire and in my little corner of the world that’s exactly what happened
world that’s exactly what happened
world that’s exactly what happened because incredibly my prayer was
because incredibly my prayer was
because incredibly my prayer was answered I did write a book it was
answered I did write a book it was
answered I did write a book it was published and it exploded it started to
published and it exploded it started to
published and it exploded it started to sell and sell and sell the publisher
sell and sell and sell the publisher
sell and sell and sell the publisher kept writing me saying we’re going back
kept writing me saying we’re going back
kept writing me saying we’re going back to to print it was selling tens of
to to print it was selling tens of
to to print it was selling tens of thousands of copies every month I
thousands of copies every month I
thousands of copies every month I remember the day that I went into my
remember the day that I went into my
remember the day that I went into my local Christian bookstore and there was
local Christian bookstore and there was
local Christian bookstore and there was my book the number one best-selling book
my book the number one best-selling book
my book the number one best-selling book in the country and it stayed there for
in the country and it stayed there for
in the country and it stayed there for four months I was on national radio
four months I was on national radio
four months I was on national radio shows newspaper articles were being
shows newspaper articles were being
shows newspaper articles were being written about me and my book the
written about me and my book the
written about me and my book the pinnacle of my 15 minutes of fame was
pinnacle of my 15 minutes of fame was
pinnacle of my 15 minutes of fame was when I was on the Bill Maher television
when I was on the Bill Maher television
when I was on the Bill Maher television show sitting across
show sitting across
show sitting across a young actor named Ben Affleck I had a
a young actor named Ben Affleck I had a
a young actor named Ben Affleck I had a conversation with Batman my my book went
conversation with Batman my my book went
conversation with Batman my my book went on to sell over 1.2 million copies and
on to sell over 1.2 million copies and
on to sell over 1.2 million copies and was translated into dozens of languages
was translated into dozens of languages
was translated into dozens of languages now if you were not a part of the
now if you were not a part of the
now if you were not a part of the evangelical Christian subculture in the
evangelical Christian subculture in the
evangelical Christian subculture in the late 1990s you will not have heard
late 1990s you will not have heard
late 1990s you will not have heard anything about my book but if you were
anything about my book but if you were
anything about my book but if you were growing up in that environment there’s a
growing up in that environment there’s a
growing up in that environment there’s a sense in which my book did change your
sense in which my book did change your
sense in which my book did change your world now some people would say for the
world now some people would say for the
world now some people would say for the better but there are a lot of people who
better but there are a lot of people who
better but there are a lot of people who would say for the worse and there are
would say for the worse and there are
would say for the worse and there are some that are still really pissed off
some that are still really pissed off
some that are still really pissed off about that my book was called I kissed
about that my book was called I kissed
about that my book was called I kissed dating goodbye a new attitude towards
dating goodbye a new attitude towards
dating goodbye a new attitude towards relationships and romance I was writing
relationships and romance I was writing
relationships and romance I was writing to fellow Christians I was saying we
to fellow Christians I was saying we
to fellow Christians I was saying we need to be serious about our faith and
need to be serious about our faith and
need to be serious about our faith and if we’re serious about our faith we
if we’re serious about our faith we
if we’re serious about our faith we won’t have sex until we’re married and
won’t have sex until we’re married and
won’t have sex until we’re married and if we want to avoid premarital sex than
if we want to avoid premarital sex than
if we want to avoid premarital sex than we should radically change our lifestyle
we should radically change our lifestyle
we should radically change our lifestyle and that means we should stop dating
and that means we should stop dating
and that means we should stop dating dating is the problem dating is a
dating is the problem dating is a
dating is the problem dating is a distraction it’s preparation for divorce
distraction it’s preparation for divorce
distraction it’s preparation for divorce it leads the temptation I was 21 I knew
it leads the temptation I was 21 I knew
it leads the temptation I was 21 I knew a lot okay
a lot okay
a lot okay I should probably mention at this point
I should probably mention at this point
I should probably mention at this point that I’d been homeschooled my whole life
that I’d been homeschooled my whole life
that I’d been homeschooled my whole life and I’d only been in one serious
and I’d only been in one serious
and I’d only been in one serious relationship at this point now you know
relationship at this point now you know
relationship at this point now you know there were there were some things about
there were there were some things about
there were there were some things about this book that I still think are good
this book that I still think are good
this book that I still think are good some people were helped by the reminder
some people were helped by the reminder
some people were helped by the reminder that you don’t have to be in a dating
that you don’t have to be in a dating
that you don’t have to be in a dating relationship to be a complete person
relationship to be a complete person
relationship to be a complete person some people were helped to realize they
some people were helped to realize they
some people were helped to realize they could take a break from dating and focus
could take a break from dating and focus
could take a break from dating and focus on personal development and I still
on personal development and I still
on personal development and I still think that there’s a lot that takes
think that there’s a lot that takes
think that there’s a lot that takes place in modern dating that can be
place in modern dating that can be
place in modern dating that can be really selfish and harmful and some of
really selfish and harmful and some of
really selfish and harmful and some of that needs to be challenged but my eyes
that needs to be challenged but my eyes
that needs to be challenged but my eyes have really been open in the last few
have really been open in the last few
have really been open in the last few years to see some some fundamental
years to see some some fundamental
years to see some some fundamental problems in the book that I wrote you
problems in the book that I wrote you
problems in the book that I wrote you know I didn’t leave room for the idea
know I didn’t leave room for the idea
know I didn’t leave room for the idea that dating could be a healthy way of
that dating could be a healthy way of
that dating could be a healthy way of learning what you’re looking for in a
learning what you’re looking for in a
learning what you’re looking for in a long-term relationship that it could be
long-term relationship that it could be
long-term relationship that it could be a part of growing personally I made that
a part of growing personally I made that
a part of growing personally I made that the focus I gave the impression that
the focus I gave the impression that
the focus I gave the impression that there was really one formula that you
there was really one formula that you
there was really one formula that you could follow and if you follow that then
could follow and if you follow that then
could follow and if you follow that then you would be happily married God would
you would be happily married God would
you would be happily married God would bless you and you’d have a great sex
bless you and you’d have a great sex
bless you and you’d have a great sex life in marriage obviously the real
life in marriage obviously the real
life in marriage obviously the real world doesn’t doesn’t work that way but
world doesn’t doesn’t work that way but
world doesn’t doesn’t work that way but probably the thing that I regret the
probably the thing that I regret the
probably the thing that I regret the most is that there was a lot of fear
most is that there was a lot of fear
most is that there was a lot of fear inside of me that I transferred into my
inside of me that I transferred into my
inside of me that I transferred into my my writing and fears never a good motive
my writing and fears never a good motive
my writing and fears never a good motive fear fear of messing up fear of getting
fear fear of messing up fear of getting
fear fear of messing up fear of getting your heart broken fear of hurting
your heart broken fear of hurting
your heart broken fear of hurting somebody else fear of sex yeah
why did it take me so long to see these
why did it take me so long to see these problems you know I think it was because
problems you know I think it was because
problems you know I think it was because I was I was so afraid of being wrong you
I was I was so afraid of being wrong you
I was I was so afraid of being wrong you know that book had made had made me a
know that book had made had made me a
know that book had made had made me a best-selling author it had given me an
best-selling author it had given me an
best-selling author it had given me an identity it had made me slightly famous
identity it had made me slightly famous
identity it had made me slightly famous and it was so easy to just write the
and it was so easy to just write the
and it was so easy to just write the critics off as haters you know those are
critics off as haters you know those are
critics off as haters you know those are the haters and then find people who who
the haters and then find people who who
the haters and then find people who who liked my book and hide behind them and
liked my book and hide behind them and
liked my book and hide behind them and it mean isn’t that the great thing about
it mean isn’t that the great thing about
it mean isn’t that the great thing about the Internet no matter who you are or
the Internet no matter who you are or
the Internet no matter who you are or what you think you can find someone on
what you think you can find someone on
what you think you can find someone on the internet that agrees with you
the internet that agrees with you
the internet that agrees with you you can literally be Hitler and find
you can literally be Hitler and find
you can literally be Hitler and find people who think you’re doing a good job
but it was so hard for me to face up to
but it was so hard for me to face up to being wrong because it felt like I was
being wrong because it felt like I was
being wrong because it felt like I was it felt like I would be saying that a
it felt like I would be saying that a
it felt like I would be saying that a big part of my life was wrong and didn’t
big part of my life was wrong and didn’t
big part of my life was wrong and didn’t have the courage to do that what helped
have the courage to do that what helped
have the courage to do that what helped me to begin to let my my guard down was
me to begin to let my my guard down was
me to begin to let my my guard down was a few years ago I stopped being the
a few years ago I stopped being the
a few years ago I stopped being the pastor of a large Church and I went back
pastor of a large Church and I went back
pastor of a large Church and I went back to school I went to graduate school and
to school I went to graduate school and
to school I went to graduate school and I stopped having to be constantly write
I stopped having to be constantly write
I stopped having to be constantly write about everything and defend all these
about everything and defend all these
about everything and defend all these different ideas and I just became a
different ideas and I just became a
different ideas and I just became a student who was listening and I
student who was listening and I
student who was listening and I developed relationships with my fellow
developed relationships with my fellow
developed relationships with my fellow students and a lot of them started to
students and a lot of them started to
students and a lot of them started to share stories with me about the effect
share stories with me about the effect
share stories with me about the effect my book had had and many times this was
my book had had and many times this was
my book had had and many times this was a negative effect and I couldn’t just
a negative effect and I couldn’t just
a negative effect and I couldn’t just write them off as angry trolls on the
write them off as angry trolls on the
write them off as angry trolls on the internet these were my friends and so I
internet these were my friends and so I
internet these were my friends and so I listened and then one day on Twitter of
listened and then one day on Twitter of
listened and then one day on Twitter of all places
all places
all places this woman wrote me and she said your
this woman wrote me and she said your
this woman wrote me and she said your book was used against me like a weapon
book was used against me like a weapon
book was used against me like a weapon and I almost didn’t answer her because I
and I almost didn’t answer her because I
and I almost didn’t answer her because I was afraid she would lash out at me but
was afraid she would lash out at me but
was afraid she would lash out at me but on this particular day I just answered
on this particular day I just answered
on this particular day I just answered and said I’m so sorry
and said I’m so sorry
and said I’m so sorry such a a simple human interaction and
such a a simple human interaction and
such a a simple human interaction and that interaction led to a conversation
that interaction led to a conversation
that interaction led to a conversation and that conversation led to a
and that conversation led to a
and that conversation led to a friendship and that friendship changed
friendship and that friendship changed
friendship and that friendship changed me she said something to me that I’ll
me she said something to me that I’ll
me she said something to me that I’ll never forget she told me that
never forget she told me that
never forget she told me that back and forth on Twitter was the first
back and forth on Twitter was the first
back and forth on Twitter was the first time that a religious leader had ever
time that a religious leader had ever
time that a religious leader had ever acknowledged getting something wrong and
acknowledged getting something wrong and
acknowledged getting something wrong and ever apologized to her and I heard that
ever apologized to her and I heard that
ever apologized to her and I heard that I just thought there’s something really
I just thought there’s something really
I just thought there’s something really unhealthy about this that led me to open
unhealthy about this that led me to open
unhealthy about this that led me to open up my website and invite people to share
up my website and invite people to share
up my website and invite people to share their stories of the effect my book had
their stories of the effect my book had
their stories of the effect my book had had and we just published them
had and we just published them
had and we just published them uncensored on the website some of those
uncensored on the website some of those
uncensored on the website some of those were stories of people having a positive
were stories of people having a positive
were stories of people having a positive experience but others were
experience but others were
experience but others were heart-wrenching others were from people
heart-wrenching others were from people
heart-wrenching others were from people who were really angry and hurt and now
who were really angry and hurt and now
who were really angry and hurt and now I’m in this process of working with a
I’m in this process of working with a
I’m in this process of working with a fellow student at my grad school who was
fellow student at my grad school who was
fellow student at my grad school who was a woman who was hurt by my book growing
a woman who was hurt by my book growing
a woman who was hurt by my book growing up and we’re producing a documentary
up and we’re producing a documentary
up and we’re producing a documentary that’s that’s sharing the journey of me
that’s that’s sharing the journey of me
that’s that’s sharing the journey of me going back in and looking at the book
going back in and looking at the book
going back in and looking at the book but also trying to tell a bigger story
but also trying to tell a bigger story
but also trying to tell a bigger story about how religious communities talk
about how religious communities talk
about how religious communities talk about sexuality and talk about
about sexuality and talk about
about sexuality and talk about relationships and what it looks like to
relationships and what it looks like to
relationships and what it looks like to face up to moments when we don’t get
face up to moments when we don’t get
face up to moments when we don’t get everything right even when we’re
everything right even when we’re
everything right even when we’re well-intentioned we crowdfunded this and
well-intentioned we crowdfunded this and
well-intentioned we crowdfunded this and we’re giving the film away online and
we’re giving the film away online and
we’re giving the film away online and hoping that will be helpful to someone
hoping that will be helpful to someone
hoping that will be helpful to someone it’s been such an emotional roller
it’s been such an emotional roller
it’s been such an emotional roller coaster for me though you know there are
coaster for me though you know there are
coaster for me though you know there are moments where I feel contrite and then
moments where I feel contrite and then
moments where I feel contrite and then other moments where I swing over and I’m
other moments where I swing over and I’m
other moments where I swing over and I’m defensive and I’m mad that people are
defensive and I’m mad that people are
defensive and I’m mad that people are blaming me for things and a lot of times
blaming me for things and a lot of times
blaming me for things and a lot of times I just want it I just want to run away
I just want it I just want to run away
I just want it I just want to run away from the whole process but the reason I
from the whole process but the reason I
from the whole process but the reason I don’t is because I believe that this is
don’t is because I believe that this is
don’t is because I believe that this is the pathway of growth for me but that
the pathway of growth for me but that
the pathway of growth for me but that I’m going to learn things and facing up
I’m going to learn things and facing up
I’m going to learn things and facing up to what I got wrong that that I won’t be
to what I got wrong that that I won’t be
to what I got wrong that that I won’t be able to learn any other way I’m
able to learn any other way I’m
able to learn any other way I’m discovering that there’s
discovering that there’s
discovering that there’s transformational power in admitting that
transformational power in admitting that
transformational power in admitting that you got something wrong a couple of
you got something wrong a couple of
you got something wrong a couple of things that I’m learning in the process
things that I’m learning in the process
things that I’m learning in the process first I’m learning that evolution always
first I’m learning that evolution always
first I’m learning that evolution always involves death you know we talked about
involves death you know we talked about
involves death you know we talked about how we want to evolve personally that
how we want to evolve personally that
how we want to evolve personally that sounds great right it sounds
sounds great right it sounds
sounds great right it sounds sophisticated I mean who doesn’t want to
sophisticated I mean who doesn’t want to
sophisticated I mean who doesn’t want to become a smarter stronger more loving
become a smarter stronger more loving
become a smarter stronger more loving compassionate
compassionate
compassionate version of themselves we all want to
version of themselves we all want to
version of themselves we all want to evolve personally but think about what
evolve personally but think about what
evolve personally but think about what evolution requires when you think about
evolution requires when you think about
evolution requires when you think about the evolution of a species over
the evolution of a species over
the evolution of a species over generations there’s a lot of death that
generations there’s a lot of death that
generations there’s a lot of death that takes place natural selection is a
takes place natural selection is a
takes place natural selection is a traumatic thing we talk about the
traumatic thing we talk about the
traumatic thing we talk about the survival of the fittest but think about
survival of the fittest but think about
survival of the fittest but think about all those that were not the fittest that
all those that were not the fittest that
all those that were not the fittest that did not survive there’s death involved
did not survive there’s death involved
did not survive there’s death involved and why should we think that that
and why should we think that that
and why should we think that that personal evolution will be any different
personal evolution will be any different
personal evolution will be any different it’s never this this painless clean
it’s never this this painless clean
it’s never this this painless clean process there there’s a type of death
process there there’s a type of death
process there there’s a type of death involved it involves dying to old ways
involved it involves dying to old ways
involved it involves dying to old ways of thinking it involves dying to old
of thinking it involves dying to old
of thinking it involves dying to old habits maybe even old relationships that
habits maybe even old relationships that
habits maybe even old relationships that are keeping us from growing evolving
are keeping us from growing evolving
are keeping us from growing evolving personally involves admitting that you
personally involves admitting that you
personally involves admitting that you got some things wrong and letting those
got some things wrong and letting those
got some things wrong and letting those things die the second thing that I’m
things die the second thing that I’m
things die the second thing that I’m learning is that you you can’t rush this
learning is that you you can’t rush this
learning is that you you can’t rush this process of transformation you can’t just
process of transformation you can’t just
process of transformation you can’t just rush through it I think most of us when
rush through it I think most of us when
rush through it I think most of us when we realize we got something wrong we
we realize we got something wrong we
we realize we got something wrong we just want to get through that as quick
just want to get through that as quick
just want to get through that as quick as possible and get back to feeling
as possible and get back to feeling
as possible and get back to feeling right and the way that a lot of us do
right and the way that a lot of us do
right and the way that a lot of us do that as individuals or even as
that as individuals or even as
that as individuals or even as organizations is we just change our
organizations is we just change our
organizations is we just change our behavior and we don’t actually
behavior and we don’t actually
behavior and we don’t actually acknowledge that we changed or that we
acknowledge that we changed or that we
acknowledge that we changed or that we got anything wrong and we want everyone
got anything wrong and we want everyone
got anything wrong and we want everyone to just kind of you know pay no
to just kind of you know pay no
to just kind of you know pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
attention to the man behind the curtain
attention to the man behind the curtain or the past in some cases when we have
or the past in some cases when we have
or the past in some cases when we have to say something about it we just give
to say something about it we just give
to say something about it we just give these lame apologies you know the
these lame apologies you know the
these lame apologies you know the classic line if anyone was offended I’m
classic line if anyone was offended I’m
classic line if anyone was offended I’m sorry to anyone who was offended in
sorry to anyone who was offended in
sorry to anyone who was offended in other words it’s really your fault for
other words it’s really your fault for
other words it’s really your fault for being offended I’m sorry you’re offended
being offended I’m sorry you’re offended
being offended I’m sorry you’re offended right we just want to get past it don’t
right we just want to get past it don’t
right we just want to get past it don’t really want to deal with all the tension
really want to deal with all the tension
really want to deal with all the tension and the messiness of it we just want to
and the messiness of it we just want to
and the messiness of it we just want to get back to being right but if you try
get back to being right but if you try
get back to being right but if you try to rush through that you’re not gonna
to rush through that you’re not gonna
to rush through that you’re not gonna grow I’ve been dragging out the process
grow I’ve been dragging out the process
grow I’ve been dragging out the process even doing this documentary where I’m
even doing this documentary where I’m
even doing this documentary where I’m sitting down across from people who have
sitting down across from people who have
sitting down across from people who have been hurt by my book and it sucks it
been hurt by my book and it sucks it
been hurt by my book and it sucks it really does and yet it’s in that tension
really does and yet it’s in that tension
really does and yet it’s in that tension of asking these questions and facing up
of asking these questions and facing up
of asking these questions and facing up to this that I’m that I’m really growing
to this that I’m that I’m really growing
to this that I’m that I’m really growing and it involves asking questions like
and it involves asking questions like
and it involves asking questions like what’s shaped by
what’s shaped by
what’s shaped by thinking what was behind that how did
thinking what was behind that how did
thinking what was behind that how did that express itself how did that affect
that express itself how did that affect
that express itself how did that affect other people and what do I need to learn
other people and what do I need to learn
other people and what do I need to learn so that I don’t repeat those same
so that I don’t repeat those same
so that I don’t repeat those same mistakes
mistakes
mistakes those are hard questions to ask that
those are hard questions to ask that
those are hard questions to ask that don’t come instantly it requires time to
don’t come instantly it requires time to
don’t come instantly it requires time to think about a caterpillar the
think about a caterpillar the
think about a caterpillar the caterpillar doesn’t just one day
caterpillar doesn’t just one day
caterpillar doesn’t just one day instantaneously sprout wings and become
instantaneously sprout wings and become
instantaneously sprout wings and become a butterfly now a caterpillar literally
a butterfly now a caterpillar literally
a butterfly now a caterpillar literally has to dissolve before it can transform
has to dissolve before it can transform
has to dissolve before it can transform it forms a cocoon and within that cocoon
it forms a cocoon and within that cocoon
it forms a cocoon and within that cocoon it becomes a caterpillar smoothie it’s
it becomes a caterpillar smoothie it’s
it becomes a caterpillar smoothie it’s not the most scientific explanation
not the most scientific explanation
not the most scientific explanation before it can be transformed when you
before it can be transformed when you
before it can be transformed when you are admitting that you got something
are admitting that you got something
are admitting that you got something wrong they’re gonna be moments where you
wrong they’re gonna be moments where you
wrong they’re gonna be moments where you feel like you’re dissolving you know
feel like you’re dissolving you know
feel like you’re dissolving you know you’ll feel like you’re losing your
you’ll feel like you’re losing your
you’ll feel like you’re losing your swagger your confidence you may be
swagger your confidence you may be
swagger your confidence you may be losing relationships you may even lose
losing relationships you may even lose
losing relationships you may even lose your sense of self if you used to base a
your sense of self if you used to base a
your sense of self if you used to base a lot of your identity and those ideas or
lot of your identity and those ideas or
lot of your identity and those ideas or that practice or whatever it might be
that practice or whatever it might be
that practice or whatever it might be but something new is being born so don’t
but something new is being born so don’t
but something new is being born so don’t rush through it don’t try to skip it the
rush through it don’t try to skip it the
rush through it don’t try to skip it the final thing that I’m learning is that
final thing that I’m learning is that
final thing that I’m learning is that admitting that you’re wrong will tick
admitting that you’re wrong will tick
admitting that you’re wrong will tick some people off I wish that I could say
some people off I wish that I could say
some people off I wish that I could say that you’ll just get a bunch of people
that you’ll just get a bunch of people
that you’ll just get a bunch of people coming alongside you and patting on the
coming alongside you and patting on the
coming alongside you and patting on the back and saying oh it’s so humble of you
back and saying oh it’s so humble of you
back and saying oh it’s so humble of you to process this but expect resistance
to process this but expect resistance
to process this but expect resistance and it makes sense doesn’t it because
and it makes sense doesn’t it because
and it makes sense doesn’t it because there are people in your life who were
there are people in your life who were
there are people in your life who were invested in the old you there are people
invested in the old you there are people
invested in the old you there are people in your life who want you to stay the
in your life who want you to stay the
in your life who want you to stay the same maybe because they just love you
same maybe because they just love you
same maybe because they just love you love you the way they are but also
love you the way they are but also
love you the way they are but also possibly because if you admit you’re
possibly because if you admit you’re
possibly because if you admit you’re wrong and they agree with you then by
wrong and they agree with you then by
wrong and they agree with you then by implication they are wrong and they
implication they are wrong and they
implication they are wrong and they don’t want to deal with that so they’d
don’t want to deal with that so they’d
don’t want to deal with that so they’d rather you just stay the way you are
rather you just stay the way you are
rather you just stay the way you are then have to face up to that themselves
then have to face up to that themselves
then have to face up to that themselves so I mean if you’re in one career and
so I mean if you’re in one career and
so I mean if you’re in one career and you decide to switch careers all the
you decide to switch careers all the
you decide to switch careers all the people who helped you get there and
people who helped you get there and
people who helped you get there and vested in you there they’re gonna take
vested in you there they’re gonna take
vested in you there they’re gonna take that personally or if you’re part of an
that personally or if you’re part of an
that personally or if you’re part of an organization and you begin to question
organization and you begin to question
organization and you begin to question whether you’re wrong about ideals and
whether you’re wrong about ideals and
whether you’re wrong about ideals and values that are at the core of that
values that are at the core of that
values that are at the core of that organization that’s gonna feel like an
organization that’s gonna feel like an
organization that’s gonna feel like an attack to that organization they’re not
attack to that organization they’re not
attack to that organization they’re not gonna like that it’s an interesting
gonna like that it’s an interesting
gonna like that it’s an interesting thought exercise just to the process you
thought exercise just to the process you
thought exercise just to the process you know if I were to change my mind and
know if I were to change my mind and
know if I were to change my mind and admit that I was wrong about XYZ fill in
admit that I was wrong about XYZ fill in
admit that I was wrong about XYZ fill in the blank where would I get pushback it
the blank where would I get pushback it
the blank where would I get pushback it could come from family come from a
could come from family come from a
could come from family come from a religious community come from a business
religious community come from a business
religious community come from a business that you’re a part of you know the
that you’re a part of you know the
that you’re a part of you know the hardest part for me of re-evaluating my
hardest part for me of re-evaluating my
hardest part for me of re-evaluating my book has been interacting with people
book has been interacting with people
book has been interacting with people who love my book because they’re so
who love my book because they’re so
who love my book because they’re so confused and they’re so supportive and
confused and they’re so supportive and
confused and they’re so supportive and I’m so grateful for them and yet as I’m
I’m so grateful for them and yet as I’m
I’m so grateful for them and yet as I’m questioning my own book which I feel
questioning my own book which I feel
questioning my own book which I feel like I should be allowed to do because
like I should be allowed to do because
like I should be allowed to do because it’s my book I can tell that they’re
it’s my book I can tell that they’re
it’s my book I can tell that they’re like you’re not allowed to do that
like you’re not allowed to do that
like you’re not allowed to do that because they made decisions based on the
because they made decisions based on the
because they made decisions based on the ideas in my book and they feel like I’m
ideas in my book and they feel like I’m
ideas in my book and they feel like I’m criticizing their life which I’m not I’m
criticizing their life which I’m not I’m
criticizing their life which I’m not I’m not at all doing that and I’ve really
not at all doing that and I’ve really
not at all doing that and I’ve really sought to honor them and respect them
sought to honor them and respect them
sought to honor them and respect them and hear their stories but at the end of
and hear their stories but at the end of
and hear their stories but at the end of the day I know that I can’t be
the day I know that I can’t be
the day I know that I can’t be controlled by someone else’s viewpoint I
controlled by someone else’s viewpoint I
controlled by someone else’s viewpoint I think the big idea that I really want to
think the big idea that I really want to
think the big idea that I really want to leave with you is this I think a lot of
leave with you is this I think a lot of
leave with you is this I think a lot of us have been wrong about being wrong
us have been wrong about being wrong
us have been wrong about being wrong we’ve been so scared of it we’ve been so
we’ve been so scared of it we’ve been so
we’ve been so scared of it we’ve been so afraid of it we viewed it as weakness we
afraid of it we viewed it as weakness we
afraid of it we viewed it as weakness we viewed it as something that that should
viewed it as something that that should
viewed it as something that that should is shameful and so we’ve shunned people
is shameful and so we’ve shunned people
is shameful and so we’ve shunned people who have gotten things wrong you know
who have gotten things wrong you know
who have gotten things wrong you know just fire them push them aside and find
just fire them push them aside and find
just fire them push them aside and find right people and it’s the right people
right people and it’s the right people
right people and it’s the right people who are never wrong that we want to
who are never wrong that we want to
who are never wrong that we want to follow and we want to have leaders but
follow and we want to have leaders but
follow and we want to have leaders but think about it people who are always
think about it people who are always
think about it people who are always right they’re not really growing they
right they’re not really growing they
right they’re not really growing they can’t change if they’re always right and
can’t change if they’re always right and
can’t change if they’re always right and they change and they’ll be wrong you
they change and they’ll be wrong you
they change and they’ll be wrong you follow me
follow me
follow me now I think we need to change our
now I think we need to change our
now I think we need to change our thinking and to realize that admitting
thinking and to realize that admitting
thinking and to realize that admitting that you’re wrong really takes a form of
that you’re wrong really takes a form of
that you’re wrong really takes a form of strength and so instead of viewing it as
strength and so instead of viewing it as
strength and so instead of viewing it as a dead end we should view it as a new
a dead end we should view it as a new
a dead end we should view it as a new start and instead of shunning people who
start and instead of shunning people who
start and instead of shunning people who admit they got something wrong we should
admit they got something wrong we should
admit they got something wrong we should encourage them and invite them to come
encourage them and invite them to come
encourage them and invite them to come and share the wisdom that they’re
and share the wisdom that they’re
and share the wisdom that they’re learning you know the the great news the
learning you know the the great news the
learning you know the the great news the great news about learning to admit that
great news about learning to admit that
great news about learning to admit that you got something wrong is that you
you got something wrong is that you
you got something wrong is that you don’t have to be so afraid of being
don’t have to be so afraid of being
don’t have to be so afraid of being wrong which means you can move toward
wrong which means you can move toward
wrong which means you can move toward people that see the world differently
people that see the world differently
people that see the world differently than you and not be so terrified that
than you and not be so terrified that
than you and not be so terrified that they might change your mind it means
they might change your mind it means
they might change your mind it means that you can dream and dare and risk and
that you can dream and dare and risk and
that you can dream and dare and risk and live thank you so much
live thank you so much
live thank you so much [Applause]
”
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