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Using Your Own Story to Build Resiliency in Your Community | Ashley Bucher | TEDxHarrisburg


hi everyone first I just want to say

hi everyone first I just want to say thank you all for coming out and sharing

thank you all for coming out and sharing

thank you all for coming out and sharing your Sunday with us it means a lot and

your Sunday with us it means a lot and

your Sunday with us it means a lot and we really appreciate it

we really appreciate it

we really appreciate it so we know that being involved in your

so we know that being involved in your

so we know that being involved in your community is pretty important and it can

community is pretty important and it can

community is pretty important and it can have a significant impact in the world

have a significant impact in the world

have a significant impact in the world around you we know that small businesses

around you we know that small businesses

around you we know that small businesses help to support economic growth and we

help to support economic growth and we

help to support economic growth and we know that including adults into youth

know that including adults into youth

know that including adults into youth programs helps to have better adolescent

programs helps to have better adolescent

programs helps to have better adolescent outcomes and we know that incorporating

outcomes and we know that incorporating

outcomes and we know that incorporating accessible Fitness leads to better so

accessible Fitness leads to better so

accessible Fitness leads to better so I’m sorry more access to physical

I’m sorry more access to physical

I’m sorry more access to physical activity promotes physical activity and

activity promotes physical activity and

activity promotes physical activity and leads to healthier lifestyles but what I

leads to healthier lifestyles but what I

leads to healthier lifestyles but what I think we often forget when we talk about

think we often forget when we talk about

think we often forget when we talk about being involved in in a community is the

being involved in in a community is the

being involved in in a community is the are the experiences of the individual

are the experiences of the individual

are the experiences of the individual person and that make up the group in the

person and that make up the group in the

person and that make up the group in the community so what I want to talk about

community so what I want to talk about

community so what I want to talk about today are some of my individual

today are some of my individual

today are some of my individual experiences and how I kind of use some

experiences and how I kind of use some

experiences and how I kind of use some of those to get involved in the

of those to get involved in the

of those to get involved in the community that I live in so as I thought

community that I live in so as I thought

community that I live in so as I thought about what I wanted to talk about today

about what I wanted to talk about today

about what I wanted to talk about today I was pretty uncomfortable sometimes

I was pretty uncomfortable sometimes

I was pretty uncomfortable sometimes doing an event like this can be a little

doing an event like this can be a little

doing an event like this can be a little nerve-racking because there’s lots of

nerve-racking because there’s lots of

nerve-racking because there’s lots of you and we want to make sure that our

you and we want to make sure that our

you and we want to make sure that our voices are heard and heard well but as I

voices are heard and heard well but as I

voices are heard and heard well but as I thought about when I wanted to talk

thought about when I wanted to talk

thought about when I wanted to talk about today it kept returning to this

about today it kept returning to this

about today it kept returning to this one idea and I didn’t want this to be

one idea and I didn’t want this to be

one idea and I didn’t want this to be one talk about one thing and I kept

one talk about one thing and I kept

one talk about one thing and I kept meeting roadblock after roadblock after

meeting roadblock after roadblock after

meeting roadblock after roadblock after roadblock and I realized I just needed

roadblock and I realized I just needed

roadblock and I realized I just needed to call it what it was I needed to tell

to call it what it was I needed to tell

to call it what it was I needed to tell myself and be okay with the fact that

myself and be okay with the fact that

myself and be okay with the fact that this is a talk about race and this is

this is a talk about race and this is

this is a talk about race and this is going to be a talk about how the issues

going to be a talk about how the issues

going to be a talk about how the issues that we have in America impede

that we have in America impede

that we have in America impede individuals ability to get involved with

individuals ability to get involved with

individuals ability to get involved with their own community and I understand

their own community and I understand

their own community and I understand there’s a lot of angst about this topic

there’s a lot of angst about this topic

there’s a lot of angst about this topic it’s pretty uncomfortable to talk about

it’s pretty uncomfortable to talk about

it’s pretty uncomfortable to talk about it was uncomfortable for me to think

it was uncomfortable for me to think

it was uncomfortable for me to think about

about

about because I grew up in the world where

because I grew up in the world where

because I grew up in the world where this really didn’t matter but I’m shown

this really didn’t matter but I’m shown

this really didn’t matter but I’m shown day after day that it still continues to

day after day that it still continues to

day after day that it still continues to matter and but I know that even if this

matter and but I know that even if this

matter and but I know that even if this issue doesn’t affect you guys the same

issue doesn’t affect you guys the same

issue doesn’t affect you guys the same way that it affects me maybe this isn’t

way that it affects me maybe this isn’t

way that it affects me maybe this isn’t a cause that you have to champion

a cause that you have to champion

a cause that you have to champion because it is too painful or it’s pretty

because it is too painful or it’s pretty

because it is too painful or it’s pretty uncomfortable but I hope that you’ll

uncomfortable but I hope that you’ll

uncomfortable but I hope that you’ll find what I have to say helpful in your

find what I have to say helpful in your

find what I have to say helpful in your own face-to-face confrontation and the

own face-to-face confrontation and the

own face-to-face confrontation and the adversity that you faced in your life

adversity that you faced in your life

adversity that you faced in your life because we’ve all had our own so a

because we’ve all had our own so a

because we’ve all had our own so a couple of weeks ago I was traveling and

couple of weeks ago I was traveling and

couple of weeks ago I was traveling and when I got off the plane I my phone was

when I got off the plane I my phone was

when I got off the plane I my phone was like blowing up with notifications and I

like blowing up with notifications and I

like blowing up with notifications and I wasn’t quite sure what this you know you

wasn’t quite sure what this you know you

wasn’t quite sure what this you know you kind of think you know these people are

kind of think you know these people are

kind of think you know these people are texting me I just got off of a flight

texting me I just got off of a flight

texting me I just got off of a flight and everyone wants to see how it was it

and everyone wants to see how it was it

and everyone wants to see how it was it was mostly news notifications and this

was mostly news notifications and this

was mostly news notifications and this was unfortunately about the event that

was unfortunately about the event that

was unfortunately about the event that occurred in Charlottesville and as I let

occurred in Charlottesville and as I let

occurred in Charlottesville and as I let it sink in and as I settled where I was

it sink in and as I settled where I was

it sink in and as I settled where I was going

going

going it kind of really hit me that when some

it kind of really hit me that when some

it kind of really hit me that when some of a man drove his car into a crowd of

of a man drove his car into a crowd of

of a man drove his car into a crowd of people who were protesting peacefully

people who were protesting peacefully

people who were protesting peacefully the mistreatment of of other people in

the mistreatment of of other people in

the mistreatment of of other people in their community that was really hard to

their community that was really hard to

their community that was really hard to let sink in and so as I thought about it

let sink in and so as I thought about it

let sink in and so as I thought about it I thought about how my life was affected

I thought about how my life was affected

I thought about how my life was affected by this and how the life of the people

by this and how the life of the people

by this and how the life of the people in my family is affected by this but

in my family is affected by this but

in my family is affected by this but also how my community is affected by

also how my community is affected by

also how my community is affected by this and even though we know it’s pretty

this and even though we know it’s pretty

this and even though we know it’s pretty difficult to talk about I do know that

difficult to talk about I do know that

difficult to talk about I do know that for me when certain events like this

for me when certain events like this

for me when certain events like this occur I start to think about what I can

occur I start to think about what I can

occur I start to think about what I can do to steward change and so I have these

do to steward change and so I have these

do to steward change and so I have these ideas of you know just like setting up

ideas of you know just like setting up

ideas of you know just like setting up these plans of action of how I’m gonna

these plans of action of how I’m gonna

these plans of action of how I’m gonna shift and change the world around me and

shift and change the world around me and

shift and change the world around me and by the end of these thoughts I have a

by the end of these thoughts I have a

by the end of these thoughts I have a whole plan of world peace you know and

whole plan of world peace you know and

whole plan of world peace you know and then

then

then I come back to reality and it’s like

I come back to reality and it’s like

I come back to reality and it’s like wait here we are we’re still in this

wait here we are we’re still in this

wait here we are we’re still in this place and it’s really painful to be in

place and it’s really painful to be in

place and it’s really painful to be in this place and react so I started to

this place and react so I started to

this place and react so I started to think about how do I create a world

think about how do I create a world

think about how do I create a world where the generations after me and our

where the generations after me and our

where the generations after me and our current generation can create a culture

current generation can create a culture

current generation can create a culture that responds with compassion respects

that responds with compassion respects

that responds with compassion respects diversity and honors individuality and

diversity and honors individuality and

diversity and honors individuality and so I started to think about this and as

so I started to think about this and as

so I started to think about this and as I thought you know I still had some more

I thought you know I still had some more

I thought you know I still had some more of those thoughts you know like I’m

of those thoughts you know like I’m

of those thoughts you know like I’m gonna finish this thought and have a

gonna finish this thought and have a

gonna finish this thought and have a whole plan of how I can change

whole plan of how I can change

whole plan of how I can change everything and then it really hit me I

everything and then it really hit me I

everything and then it really hit me I wasn’t quite comfortable with myself and

wasn’t quite comfortable with myself and

wasn’t quite comfortable with myself and I couldn’t really move out of this place

I couldn’t really move out of this place

I couldn’t really move out of this place because I wasn’t comfortable with who I

because I wasn’t comfortable with who I

because I wasn’t comfortable with who I was because I have been held back a lot

was because I have been held back a lot

was because I have been held back a lot by plenty of adversities which life is

by plenty of adversities which life is

by plenty of adversities which life is about overcoming them but also because

about overcoming them but also because

about overcoming them but also because we live in a world in a culture that

we live in a world in a culture that

we live in a world in a culture that does not allow us to connect with one

does not allow us to connect with one

does not allow us to connect with one another because of the barriers that we

another because of the barriers that we

another because of the barriers that we allow to socially and culturally

allow to socially and culturally

allow to socially and culturally influenced our lives so my mother is

influenced our lives so my mother is

influenced our lives so my mother is Puerto Rican my dad is black and white

Puerto Rican my dad is black and white

Puerto Rican my dad is black and white and my whole life growing up I remember

and my whole life growing up I remember

and my whole life growing up I remember filling out standardized forms and

filling out standardized forms and

filling out standardized forms and having to choose one race and that was

having to choose one race and that was

having to choose one race and that was really hard for me because I grew up

really hard for me because I grew up

really hard for me because I grew up where it was okay to be three different

where it was okay to be three different

where it was okay to be three different races and it was okay to express

races and it was okay to express

races and it was okay to express yourself in three different ways but on

yourself in three different ways but on

yourself in three different ways but on paper I had to choose one and I was

paper I had to choose one and I was

paper I had to choose one and I was never really capable of doing that

never really capable of doing that

never really capable of doing that because it’s not who I am and I often

because it’s not who I am and I often

because it’s not who I am and I often wonder did other kids have to do this

wonder did other kids have to do this

wonder did other kids have to do this were they just as frustrated as I was

were they just as frustrated as I was

were they just as frustrated as I was did they come home and tell their moms

did they come home and tell their moms

did they come home and tell their moms that they had to do this and they didn’t

that they had to do this and they didn’t

that they had to do this and they didn’t know what to do and I kind of still

know what to do and I kind of still

know what to do and I kind of still faced some of those assumptions as an

faced some of those assumptions as an

faced some of those assumptions as an adult today if my hair my hair is really

adult today if my hair my hair is really

adult today if my hair my hair is really curly naturally and so I’ll hear if when

curly naturally and so I’ll hear if when

curly naturally and so I’ll hear if when my hair is really curly oh my goodness

my hair is really curly oh my goodness

my hair is really curly oh my goodness you really are part black or if I’m

you really are part black or if I’m

you really are part black or if I’m wearing hoop earrings

wearing hoop earrings

wearing hoop earrings you do look Porto Rican today or then

you do look Porto Rican today or then

you do look Porto Rican today or then when I speak you sound really white as

when I speak you sound really white as

when I speak you sound really white as if somehow we’ve learned

if somehow we’ve learned

if somehow we’ve learned to attribute these characteristics to

to attribute these characteristics to

to attribute these characteristics to someone’s sole identity and this is an

someone’s sole identity and this is an

someone’s sole identity and this is an uncomfortable conversation it’s an

uncomfortable conversation it’s an

uncomfortable conversation it’s an uncomfortable talk but what makes me

uncomfortable talk but what makes me

uncomfortable talk but what makes me even more uncomfortable is that this is

even more uncomfortable is that this is

even more uncomfortable is that this is 2017 and just two weeks ago I was asked

2017 and just two weeks ago I was asked

2017 and just two weeks ago I was asked what my ethnic background was before I

what my ethnic background was before I

what my ethnic background was before I was asked my name and I answered the

was asked my name and I answered the

was asked my name and I answered the question with a smile because I’m used

question with a smile because I’m used

question with a smile because I’m used to answering the question as if it’s

to answering the question as if it’s

to answering the question as if it’s just as important as the name my parents

just as important as the name my parents

just as important as the name my parents gave me when I was born and so going

gave me when I was born and so going

gave me when I was born and so going back to thinking about some of these

back to thinking about some of these

back to thinking about some of these things I consider the generations that

things I consider the generations that

things I consider the generations that come after us there is no child in my

come after us there is no child in my

come after us there is no child in my family that’s ever going to be one race

family that’s ever going to be one race

family that’s ever going to be one race so this is really important to me and

so this is really important to me and

so this is really important to me and the Pew Research Center did a study well

the Pew Research Center did a study well

the Pew Research Center did a study well not really a study they just collected

not really a study they just collected

not really a study they just collected some demographic information and they

some demographic information and they

some demographic information and they realized they found that about seven

realized they found that about seven

realized they found that about seven percent of adults identify as being

percent of adults identify as being

percent of adults identify as being multiracial the percentage of children

multiracial the percentage of children

multiracial the percentage of children multiracial children has grown from 8%

multiracial children has grown from 8%

multiracial children has grown from 8% since the 1970s and then even more

since the 1970s and then even more

since the 1970s and then even more importantly the amount of multiracial

importantly the amount of multiracial

importantly the amount of multiracial children or I’m sorry the amount of

children or I’m sorry the amount of

children or I’m sorry the amount of multiracial Americans under 18 is about

multiracial Americans under 18 is about

multiracial Americans under 18 is about 46% so children under 18 make up about

46% so children under 18 make up about

46% so children under 18 make up about 46% of the multiracial people group in

46% of the multiracial people group in

46% of the multiracial people group in our country and so for me this is really

our country and so for me this is really

our country and so for me this is really important that we work hard to create a

important that we work hard to create a

important that we work hard to create a world in a culture that kind of fosters

world in a culture that kind of fosters

world in a culture that kind of fosters some of these aspects of individuality

some of these aspects of individuality

some of these aspects of individuality and acceptance because without doing

and acceptance because without doing

and acceptance because without doing that we really hinder everyone’s

that we really hinder everyone’s

that we really hinder everyone’s individual ability to be involved and to

individual ability to be involved and to

individual ability to be involved and to make movements to change their own

make movements to change their own

make movements to change their own community and so I’m not really here to

community and so I’m not really here to

community and so I’m not really here to tell you what to do or tell you what to

tell you what to do or tell you what to

tell you what to do or tell you what to think but I hope that some of these

think but I hope that some of these

think but I hope that some of these things the way that I’ve handled this

things the way that I’ve handled this

things the way that I’ve handled this can help you confront some of the

can help you confront some of the

can help you confront some of the adversity that you’ve faced so one of

adversity that you’ve faced so one of

adversity that you’ve faced so one of the ways that I really do this is I dig

the ways that I really do this is I dig

the ways that I really do this is I dig deep into some of these issues so if I

deep into some of these issues so if I

deep into some of these issues so if I find that I really want you know I’m in

find that I really want you know I’m in

find that I really want you know I’m in my head I’m thinking of this world peace

my head I’m thinking of this world peace

my head I’m thinking of this world peace cure that I can have for why we

cure that I can have for why we

cure that I can have for why we really except everyone and when I

really except everyone and when I

really except everyone and when I realized that I had a hard time doing

realized that I had a hard time doing

realized that I had a hard time doing this because I couldn’t accept my own

this because I couldn’t accept my own

this because I couldn’t accept my own self or I had a hard time with the

self or I had a hard time with the

self or I had a hard time with the expectations for myself I took a step

expectations for myself I took a step

expectations for myself I took a step back and I think that’s the best thing

back and I think that’s the best thing

back and I think that’s the best thing that we can really do is take a step

that we can really do is take a step

that we can really do is take a step back and understand why is this

back and understand why is this

back and understand why is this bothering you and why is it painful

bothering you and why is it painful

bothering you and why is it painful usually if something’s pretty painful

usually if something’s pretty painful

usually if something’s pretty painful that’s where you really need to start I

that’s where you really need to start I

that’s where you really need to start I found and you begin to navigate your

found and you begin to navigate your

found and you begin to navigate your story and navigate the story of other

story and navigate the story of other

story and navigate the story of other peoples with empathy and looking in and

peoples with empathy and looking in and

peoples with empathy and looking in and with that you’re able to tell your story

with that you’re able to tell your story

with that you’re able to tell your story in a different way so you’re able to

in a different way so you’re able to

in a different way so you’re able to tell these stories of adversity that

tell these stories of adversity that

tell these stories of adversity that you’ve faced in a different way so

you’ve faced in a different way so

you’ve faced in a different way so instead of allowing this to be a story

instead of allowing this to be a story

instead of allowing this to be a story of disaster where I walk down the street

of disaster where I walk down the street

of disaster where I walk down the street and all people care about is what my

and all people care about is what my

and all people care about is what my ethnic background is I don’t believe

ethnic background is I don’t believe

ethnic background is I don’t believe that I think in context you people

that I think in context you people

that I think in context you people usually have a pretty good intention but

usually have a pretty good intention but

usually have a pretty good intention but I do know that I could choose to tell

I do know that I could choose to tell

I do know that I could choose to tell this story in two ways one that is a

this story in two ways one that is a

this story in two ways one that is a complete disaster and another that

complete disaster and another that

complete disaster and another that creates an absolute masterpiece and it’s

creates an absolute masterpiece and it’s

creates an absolute masterpiece and it’s all in the story that you choose to tell

all in the story that you choose to tell

all in the story that you choose to tell we all have some pretty defining moments

we all have some pretty defining moments

we all have some pretty defining moments of adversity and I think the best way to

of adversity and I think the best way to

of adversity and I think the best way to get through these are to build pretty

get through these are to build pretty

get through these are to build pretty positive relationships with people so I

positive relationships with people so I

positive relationships with people so I make it a point to develop and foster

make it a point to develop and foster

make it a point to develop and foster important relationships in my life with

important relationships in my life with

important relationships in my life with my family with the people that I work

my family with the people that I work

my family with the people that I work with and in in plenty of areas so I

with and in in plenty of areas so I

with and in in plenty of areas so I encourage you guys if to face your

encourage you guys if to face your

encourage you guys if to face your adversity through that way and then

adversity through that way and then

adversity through that way and then secondly I encourage you to get involved

secondly I encourage you to get involved

secondly I encourage you to get involved you don’t have to really be at a certain

you don’t have to really be at a certain

you don’t have to really be at a certain place in your life or be in a certain

place in your life or be in a certain

place in your life or be in a certain state or really you know because I still

state or really you know because I still

state or really you know because I still struggle with some of these boxes that I

struggle with some of these boxes that I

struggle with some of these boxes that I meant to fit in and I think I might for

meant to fit in and I think I might for

meant to fit in and I think I might for the rest of my life it might just meet

the rest of my life it might just meet

the rest of my life it might just meet me at different levels and that’s okay

me at different levels and that’s okay

me at different levels and that’s okay I’m up for the challenge but I think

I’m up for the challenge but I think

I’m up for the challenge but I think that one of the most important things we

that one of the most important things we

that one of the most important things we can do is to still while we’re working

can do is to still while we’re working

can do is to still while we’re working in that use use some of these aspects as

in that use use some of these aspects as

in that use use some of these aspects as muscle to build into what we’re doing in

muscle to build into what we’re doing in

muscle to build into what we’re doing in our lives and when

our lives and when

our lives and when with people so I really have the

with people so I really have the

with people so I really have the privilege of being able to do that in

privilege of being able to do that in

privilege of being able to do that in the area by working with Ashley who’s

the area by working with Ashley who’s

the area by working with Ashley who’s here who runs a fitness company and we

here who runs a fitness company and we

here who runs a fitness company and we work to promote exercise and physical

work to promote exercise and physical

work to promote exercise and physical activity and have accessible fitness

activity and have accessible fitness

activity and have accessible fitness programs for the community and whatever

programs for the community and whatever

programs for the community and whatever that you choose to do whatever way that

that you choose to do whatever way that

that you choose to do whatever way that this fits in your life whatever

this fits in your life whatever

this fits in your life whatever adversities you have faced I hope that

adversities you have faced I hope that

adversities you have faced I hope that you’re able to turn them around and use

you’re able to turn them around and use

you’re able to turn them around and use them as a story that builds to create a

them as a story that builds to create a

them as a story that builds to create a positive community and a positive

positive community and a positive

positive community and a positive culture that not only embraces your

culture that not only embraces your

culture that not only embraces your adversity but also the questioning and

adversity but also the questioning and

adversity but also the questioning and experiences of other people so that you

experiences of other people so that you

experiences of other people so that you can do what you can with what you have

can do what you can with what you have

can do what you can with what you have where you are thank you

”

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