hi everyone in a world where capital has kind of taken over our lives when
kind of taken over our lives when
kind of taken over our lives when numbers matter we often forget that we
numbers matter we often forget that we
numbers matter we often forget that we are human beings we breathe we feel we
are human beings we breathe we feel we
are human beings we breathe we feel we have emotions we kind of think that we
have emotions we kind of think that we
have emotions we kind of think that we are robots
are robots
are robots hence we don’t sit and just reflect on
hence we don’t sit and just reflect on
hence we don’t sit and just reflect on our lives and that’s why it’s important
our lives and that’s why it’s important
our lives and that’s why it’s important that today I’ve decided to tell my story
that today I’ve decided to tell my story
that today I’ve decided to tell my story because I know that when I start being
because I know that when I start being
because I know that when I start being real about Who I am I’m able to give
real about Who I am I’m able to give
real about Who I am I’m able to give permission to those who are struggling
permission to those who are struggling
permission to those who are struggling with being real I’ve received a lot of
with being real I’ve received a lot of
with being real I’ve received a lot of permission today from this room just
permission today from this room just
permission today from this room just listen to amazing stories because
listen to amazing stories because
listen to amazing stories because sometimes you just have to be affirmed
sometimes you just have to be affirmed
sometimes you just have to be affirmed by another person story it was late
by another person story it was late
by another person story it was late December 2015 I walked over to the
December 2015 I walked over to the
December 2015 I walked over to the mirror I looked at myself I took a very
mirror I looked at myself I took a very
mirror I looked at myself I took a very good look at myself twenty kilos heavier
good look at myself twenty kilos heavier
good look at myself twenty kilos heavier a face mothered with acne teeth missing
a face mothered with acne teeth missing
a face mothered with acne teeth missing and empty gaze that when I looked into
and empty gaze that when I looked into
and empty gaze that when I looked into my eyes all I saw was emptiness I turned
my eyes all I saw was emptiness I turned
my eyes all I saw was emptiness I turned around I walked to my bed and I decided
around I walked to my bed and I decided
around I walked to my bed and I decided to crawl and cuddle myself up in a fetal
to crawl and cuddle myself up in a fetal
to crawl and cuddle myself up in a fetal position and for the first time in a
position and for the first time in a
position and for the first time in a very very long time I allowed myself to
very very long time I allowed myself to
very very long time I allowed myself to feel to feel something that I had been
feel to feel something that I had been
feel to feel something that I had been in denial about for a very very long
in denial about for a very very long
in denial about for a very very long time
time
time so sitting there in a fetal position
so sitting there in a fetal position
so sitting there in a fetal position just yearning for that maternal istic
just yearning for that maternal istic
just yearning for that maternal istic touch because you know when I was in the
touch because you know when I was in the
touch because you know when I was in the womb life was amazing and now I’m
womb life was amazing and now I’m
womb life was amazing and now I’m editing nobody warned me about adulting
editing nobody warned me about adulting
editing nobody warned me about adulting I started to cry gush of Tears splashed
I started to cry gush of Tears splashed
I started to cry gush of Tears splashed out of my eyes and I started to cry
out of my eyes and I started to cry
out of my eyes and I started to cry how did you get here my Lib how did you
how did you get here my Lib how did you
how did you get here my Lib how did you get here a lot of people who are my
get here a lot of people who are my
get here a lot of people who are my audience if they look at me they’ll be
audience if they look at me they’ll be
audience if they look at me they’ll be like how my label you on the floor
like how my label you on the floor
like how my label you on the floor crying
crying
crying Lyoness superwoman it’s unheard of we as
Lyoness superwoman it’s unheard of we as
Lyoness superwoman it’s unheard of we as women have a very complex relationship
women have a very complex relationship
women have a very complex relationship with ourselves you know there’s a very
with ourselves you know there’s a very
with ourselves you know there’s a very thin line between who we want to be and
thin line between who we want to be and
thin line between who we want to be and who society expects us to be if you look
who society expects us to be if you look
who society expects us to be if you look at the history of what it means to be a
at the history of what it means to be a
at the history of what it means to be a woman you will know that women bodies
woman you will know that women bodies
woman you will know that women bodies have always been marginalized bodies
have always been marginalized bodies
have always been marginalized bodies we’ve never truly a woman has never
we’ve never truly a woman has never
we’ve never truly a woman has never truly belonged to herself she’s either
truly belonged to herself she’s either
truly belonged to herself she’s either just belonged to her family she belonged
just belonged to her family she belonged
just belonged to her family she belonged to society she belonged to her husband
to society she belonged to her husband
to society she belonged to her husband that is why some men have the audacity
that is why some men have the audacity
that is why some men have the audacity to write books telling women how to
to write books telling women how to
to write books telling women how to think and how to act and some women will
think and how to act and some women will
think and how to act and some women will write books on how to be a fascinating
write books on how to be a fascinating
write books on how to be a fascinating woman because you don’t have the ability
woman because you don’t have the ability
woman because you don’t have the ability to determine who you want to be for
to determine who you want to be for
to determine who you want to be for yourself so you find yourself in a
yourself so you find yourself in a
yourself so you find yourself in a conundrum on one side you imagine alized
conundrum on one side you imagine alized
conundrum on one side you imagine alized society there’s lots of expectation of
society there’s lots of expectation of
society there’s lots of expectation of what it means to be a woman when you
what it means to be a woman when you
what it means to be a woman when you need to get married when you must have
need to get married when you must have
need to get married when you must have children how you need to address society
children how you need to address society
children how you need to address society to how you need to behave on another
to how you need to behave on another
to how you need to behave on another side looking at our democracy there’s
side looking at our democracy there’s
side looking at our democracy there’s lots of opportunities for women to be
lots of opportunities for women to be
lots of opportunities for women to be influential in the economic space
influential in the economic space
influential in the economic space political space to be influential in
political space to be influential in
political space to be influential in policymaking you know with this new
policymaking you know with this new
policymaking you know with this new slayage language Slayers girl and when
slayage language Slayers girl and when
slayage language Slayers girl and when when I mean it happens to me all the
when I mean it happens to me all the
when I mean it happens to me all the time tutor and Instagram when they put
time tutor and Instagram when they put
time tutor and Instagram when they put up a slayer and the Slayer has traveled
up a slayer and the Slayer has traveled
up a slayer and the Slayer has traveled 16 continents and has has has done all
16 continents and has has has done all
16 continents and has has has done all these great things so you feel pressured
these great things so you feel pressured
these great things so you feel pressured that I need to be part of this
that I need to be part of this
that I need to be part of this development and I need to slay I need to
development and I need to slay I need to
development and I need to slay I need to have magic and then they remind you as a
have magic and then they remind you as a
have magic and then they remind you as a woman we invoke God I need you to take a
woman we invoke God I need you to take a
woman we invoke God I need you to take a very good look at me and then look at
very good look at me and then look at
very good look at me and then look at that rock
that rock
that rock a rock is cold it’s hard it’s lifeless
a rock is cold it’s hard it’s lifeless
a rock is cold it’s hard it’s lifeless it’s just there and Here I am as a woman
it’s just there and Here I am as a woman
it’s just there and Here I am as a woman I’m being likened to a bow to a rock I
I’m being likened to a bow to a rock I
I’m being likened to a bow to a rock I asked myself what have we deserved and
asked myself what have we deserved and
asked myself what have we deserved and what have we done to a point that we are
what have we done to a point that we are
what have we done to a point that we are likened to rocks oh god don’t
likened to rocks oh god don’t
likened to rocks oh god don’t and my favorite massage Authority Picabo
and my favorite massage Authority Picabo
and my favorite massage Authority Picabo Helene a woman holds a knife by it’s
Helene a woman holds a knife by it’s
Helene a woman holds a knife by it’s sharp end and I look at my beautiful
sharp end and I look at my beautiful
sharp end and I look at my beautiful hands and I’d be like may I not be that
hands and I’d be like may I not be that
hands and I’d be like may I not be that woman who is forced to hold a knife by
woman who is forced to hold a knife by
woman who is forced to hold a knife by its sharp end this is a very complex
its sharp end this is a very complex
its sharp end this is a very complex relationship that we have with ourselves
relationship that we have with ourselves
relationship that we have with ourselves as women and then society packages this
as women and then society packages this
as women and then society packages this beautiful woman this beautiful woman and
beautiful woman this beautiful woman and
beautiful woman this beautiful woman and they call it balance right this
they call it balance right this
they call it balance right this conundrum that I’m talking about they
conundrum that I’m talking about they
conundrum that I’m talking about they call it balance you can be an amazing
call it balance you can be an amazing
call it balance you can be an amazing wife and a mother
wife and a mother
wife and a mother and still rock it as an entrepreneur as
and still rock it as an entrepreneur as
and still rock it as an entrepreneur as a businesswoman
a businesswoman
a businesswoman they call it having it all being
they call it having it all being
they call it having it all being everything to everyone you wake up in
everything to everyone you wake up in
everything to everyone you wake up in the morning let’s say you’re married you
the morning let’s say you’re married you
the morning let’s say you’re married you kiss your husband good morning
kiss your husband good morning
kiss your husband good morning you fix lunch for your children to go to
you fix lunch for your children to go to
you fix lunch for your children to go to school you wake them up you make sure
school you wake them up you make sure
school you wake them up you make sure that they get past your husband only
that they get past your husband only
that they get past your husband only wants you to iron their shirts because
wants you to iron their shirts because
wants you to iron their shirts because you know how to make that line you iron
you know how to make that line you iron
you know how to make that line you iron that shirt you have to shower after
that shirt you have to shower after
that shirt you have to shower after showering you have to make sure that
showering you have to make sure that
showering you have to make sure that your children get to school either you
your children get to school either you
your children get to school either you drop them off or this transport then you
drop them off or this transport then you
drop them off or this transport then you rush because your first meeting is at 7
rush because your first meeting is at 7
rush because your first meeting is at 7 o clock and you don’t have time to read
o clock and you don’t have time to read
o clock and you don’t have time to read emails your meetings at 7 after 7
emails your meetings at 7 after 7
emails your meetings at 7 after 7 there’s a meeting at 8 and there’s a
there’s a meeting at 8 and there’s a
there’s a meeting at 8 and there’s a very important meeting at 2 o clock and
very important meeting at 2 o clock and
very important meeting at 2 o clock and end the crash phones and says your child
end the crash phones and says your child
end the crash phones and says your child is sick you tell your boss I have to
is sick you tell your boss I have to
is sick you tell your boss I have to rush to pick up my child I can’t make
rush to pick up my child I can’t make
rush to pick up my child I can’t make this meeting your boss said when you
this meeting your boss said when you
this meeting your boss said when you took this pose
took this pose
took this pose you knew what it entailed this is so
you knew what it entailed this is so
you knew what it entailed this is so unprofessional you try and phone this
unprofessional you try and phone this
unprofessional you try and phone this babysit has no way to be located so
babysit has no way to be located so
babysit has no way to be located so unfortunately you have to say I can’t
unfortunately you have to say I can’t
unfortunately you have to say I can’t attend the meeting I am going to get my
attend the meeting I am going to get my
attend the meeting I am going to get my child you get your child to the doctor
child you get your child to the doctor
child you get your child to the doctor after the doctor you go home hey you
after the doctor you go home hey you
after the doctor you go home hey you need to cook this time your child is
need to cook this time your child is
need to cook this time your child is crying because the child is sick and
crying because the child is sick and
crying because the child is sick and then the other child comes from school
then the other child comes from school
then the other child comes from school and you have to undress them put them in
and you have to undress them put them in
and you have to undress them put them in the bath still make sure that the cook
the bath still make sure that the cook
the bath still make sure that the cook the pots are cooking put dinner on the
the pots are cooking put dinner on the
the pots are cooking put dinner on the table feet feet feet feet and when who
table feet feet feet feet and when who
table feet feet feet feet and when who you’re about to see that husband goes
sounds exhausting doesn’t it and some
sounds exhausting doesn’t it and some might be like my level you’re
might be like my level you’re
might be like my level you’re exaggerating there’s no such thing but
exaggerating there’s no such thing but
exaggerating there’s no such thing but really there are people who are loving
really there are people who are loving
really there are people who are loving that life because my balance having it
that life because my balance having it
that life because my balance having it all everything for everyone when I found
all everything for everyone when I found
all everything for everyone when I found myself on that floor December 2015 I
myself on that floor December 2015 I
myself on that floor December 2015 I realized that I had been living a life
realized that I had been living a life
realized that I had been living a life that is trying to be everything to
that is trying to be everything to
that is trying to be everything to everyone from the age of 10 I was that
everyone from the age of 10 I was that
everyone from the age of 10 I was that young person who started Community Work
young person who started Community Work
young person who started Community Work at the age of 10 I was counseling people
at the age of 10 I was counseling people
at the age of 10 I was counseling people while my peers are running around
while my peers are running around
while my peers are running around outside
outside
outside I am counseling people everything around
I am counseling people everything around
I am counseling people everything around my life was was was centered around
my life was was was centered around
my life was was was centered around helping people when I was in corporate
helping people when I was in corporate
helping people when I was in corporate I remember that I didn’t have a lot of
I remember that I didn’t have a lot of
I remember that I didn’t have a lot of time for community work and one leader
time for community work and one leader
time for community work and one leader should coach that to me if you are not
should coach that to me if you are not
should coach that to me if you are not impacting people you’re being a parasite
impacting people you’re being a parasite
impacting people you’re being a parasite and I said I do not want to be a
and I said I do not want to be a
and I said I do not want to be a parasite so help me God
parasite so help me God
parasite so help me God so I resigned and I lived for people I
so I resigned and I lived for people I
so I resigned and I lived for people I ran a counseling organization I ran a
ran a counseling organization I ran a
ran a counseling organization I ran a mentorship organization for women for
mentorship organization for women for
mentorship organization for women for young boys for young girls I did a
young boys for young girls I did a
young boys for young girls I did a prison research study where I worked
prison research study where I worked
prison research study where I worked with with inmates I was a speaker
with with inmates I was a speaker
with with inmates I was a speaker meaning every single weekend I was
meaning every single weekend I was
meaning every single weekend I was speaking I worked with the Department of
speaking I worked with the Department of
speaking I worked with the Department of Education and I still studied and I
Education and I still studied and I
Education and I still studied and I still had a day job at Facebook because
still had a day job at Facebook because
still had a day job at Facebook because I’m that notorious Facebook and people
I’m that notorious Facebook and people
I’m that notorious Facebook and people would say to me my label when do you
would say to me my label when do you
would say to me my label when do you sleep and I’d be like I’ll only sleep
sleep and I’d be like I’ll only sleep
sleep and I’d be like I’ll only sleep when I’m dead Audrey Lord says caring
when I’m dead Audrey Lord says caring
when I’m dead Audrey Lord says caring for myself is not self-indulgence it is
for myself is not self-indulgence it is
for myself is not self-indulgence it is self-preservation and that is an act of
self-preservation and that is an act of
self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare when I woke up the
political warfare when I woke up the
political warfare when I woke up the next day after my pool of Tears I phoned
next day after my pool of Tears I phoned
next day after my pool of Tears I phoned a friend of mine because I wanted to
a friend of mine because I wanted to
a friend of mine because I wanted to reach out I cried and he said to me my
reach out I cried and he said to me my
reach out I cried and he said to me my labor that’s so unlike you
labor that’s so unlike you
labor that’s so unlike you snap out of it you’re strong you’re a
snap out of it you’re strong you’re a
snap out of it you’re strong you’re a lioness and I nearly fell into that trap
lioness and I nearly fell into that trap
lioness and I nearly fell into that trap I nearly fell into that trap then I
I nearly fell into that trap then I
I nearly fell into that trap then I decided that I will no longer put my
decided that I will no longer put my
decided that I will no longer put my body
body
body under pressure because a lot of women
under pressure because a lot of women
under pressure because a lot of women today are dying because of
today are dying because of
today are dying because of stress-related diseases because of
stress-related diseases because of
stress-related diseases because of pressure because of all sorts of things
pressure because of all sorts of things
pressure because of all sorts of things that we carry and that is when I decided
that we carry and that is when I decided
that we carry and that is when I decided that in order for me to be effective in
that in order for me to be effective in
that in order for me to be effective in society as a policymaker in politics
society as a policymaker in politics
society as a policymaker in politics either needed to start to put myself
either needed to start to put myself
either needed to start to put myself first and the reason Audrey Lord says
first and the reason Audrey Lord says
first and the reason Audrey Lord says self-care is a form of warfare it’s
self-care is a form of warfare it’s
self-care is a form of warfare it’s because if you’re a marginalized body
because if you’re a marginalized body
because if you’re a marginalized body that is meant to be laughed and put
that is meant to be laughed and put
that is meant to be laughed and put everyone first the minute you put
everyone first the minute you put
everyone first the minute you put yourself first you are messing up status
yourself first you are messing up status
yourself first you are messing up status cure because why when you put yourself
cure because why when you put yourself
cure because why when you put yourself first I’m sure some of you are certain
first I’m sure some of you are certain
first I’m sure some of you are certain si8 deny I must be ready now my children
si8 deny I must be ready now my children
si8 deny I must be ready now my children here my husband if he doesn’t find me at
here my husband if he doesn’t find me at
here my husband if he doesn’t find me at home because we’re so socialized to put
home because we’re so socialized to put
home because we’re so socialized to put others first the minute you put yourself
others first the minute you put yourself
others first the minute you put yourself first you are messing things up
first you are messing things up
first you are messing things up you are saying that I am enough and so
you are saying that I am enough and so
you are saying that I am enough and so my challenge for us today is that if we
my challenge for us today is that if we
my challenge for us today is that if we want to be effective citizens who are
want to be effective citizens who are
want to be effective citizens who are truly impacting the economy Poli
truly impacting the economy Poli
truly impacting the economy Poli the politics it is important to put
the politics it is important to put
the politics it is important to put ourselves first it is important to say
ourselves first it is important to say
ourselves first it is important to say that I have to choose what I want to be
that I have to choose what I want to be
that I have to choose what I want to be and not what society has put out me to
and not what society has put out me to
and not what society has put out me to be it is time that we become the women
be it is time that we become the women
be it is time that we become the women that we want to be thank you very much
”
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