being like my mother living like her and loving like her makes me a better woman
loving like her makes me a better woman
loving like her makes me a better woman I know it does I can feel that but in
I know it does I can feel that but in
I know it does I can feel that but in the business world it also makes me a
the business world it also makes me a
the business world it also makes me a weak leader or does it
weak leader or does it
weak leader or does it I was raised blanketed in love I was
I was raised blanketed in love I was
I was raised blanketed in love I was taught to be kind patient loving and
taught to be kind patient loving and
taught to be kind patient loving and forgiving both of my parents drove these
forgiving both of my parents drove these
forgiving both of my parents drove these attributes into me from a really early
attributes into me from a really early
attributes into me from a really early age but it was my mother in particular
age but it was my mother in particular
age but it was my mother in particular who was defined by the love and kindness
who was defined by the love and kindness
who was defined by the love and kindness that she exuded and when she passed
that she exuded and when she passed
that she exuded and when she passed about two years ago I held her hand and
about two years ago I held her hand and
about two years ago I held her hand and I promised her that I would do exactly
I promised her that I would do exactly
I promised her that I would do exactly the same that I would let ideas like
the same that I would let ideas like
the same that I would let ideas like kindness and patience and love guide my
kindness and patience and love guide my
kindness and patience and love guide my movements and drive my relationships and
movements and drive my relationships and
movements and drive my relationships and at her funeral I stood tall while I
at her funeral I stood tall while I
at her funeral I stood tall while I shared that promise with all the people
shared that promise with all the people
shared that promise with all the people who showed up to honor her so that they
who showed up to honor her so that they
who showed up to honor her so that they could take comfort in my honoring her –
could take comfort in my honoring her –
could take comfort in my honoring her – today I’ve got two restaurants and if
today I’ve got two restaurants and if
today I’ve got two restaurants and if all of the crazy plans that I’ve made go
all of the crazy plans that I’ve made go
all of the crazy plans that I’ve made go through in a couple months I’ll have a
through in a couple months I’ll have a
through in a couple months I’ll have a third that’s three kitchens
of three kitchens three teams of chefs
of three kitchens three teams of chefs bartenders servers managers accountants
bartenders servers managers accountants
bartenders servers managers accountants attorneys investors partners and all the
attorneys investors partners and all the
attorneys investors partners and all the guests are all looking to me for
guests are all looking to me for
guests are all looking to me for leadership every single day people need
leadership every single day people need
leadership every single day people need leadership most when there’s a conflict
leadership most when there’s a conflict
leadership most when there’s a conflict right when there’s a decision to be made
right when there’s a decision to be made
right when there’s a decision to be made or a deviation from plans in my world
or a deviation from plans in my world
or a deviation from plans in my world it’s going to be something like Mark
it’s going to be something like Mark
it’s going to be something like Mark forgot to order ground pork and now we
forgot to order ground pork and now we
forgot to order ground pork and now we can’t make sausage joy what are we
can’t make sausage joy what are we
can’t make sausage joy what are we supposed to do or mark’s late for the
supposed to do or mark’s late for the
supposed to do or mark’s late for the third time this month and we’re not sure
third time this month and we’re not sure
third time this month and we’re not sure what we should do should we keep him or
what we should do should we keep him or
what we should do should we keep him or should we let him go
should we let him go
should we let him go conflict decisions leadership almost
conflict decisions leadership almost
conflict decisions leadership almost never will love get me on the other side
never will love get me on the other side
never will love get me on the other side of that let me paint you a scenario and
of that let me paint you a scenario and
of that let me paint you a scenario and again I’m going to use mark I’m using
again I’m going to use mark I’m using
again I’m going to use mark I’m using mark because I think when someone has a
mark because I think when someone has a
mark because I think when someone has a point that’s worth sharing when there’s
point that’s worth sharing when there’s
point that’s worth sharing when there’s something to learn from that they
something to learn from that they
something to learn from that they deserve a name so let’s say mark is
deserve a name so let’s say mark is
deserve a name so let’s say mark is underperforming repeatedly and the first
underperforming repeatedly and the first
underperforming repeatedly and the first thing that I’m gonna do is I’m gonna ask
thing that I’m gonna do is I’m gonna ask
thing that I’m gonna do is I’m gonna ask why but then right on the heels of why I
why but then right on the heels of why I
why but then right on the heels of why I start to wonder I wonder what I’m doing
start to wonder I wonder what I’m doing
start to wonder I wonder what I’m doing wrong I wonder what I can change so that
wrong I wonder what I can change so that
wrong I wonder what I can change so that mark will do a better job and before I
mark will do a better job and before I
mark will do a better job and before I know it I’ve got like this long list of
know it I’ve got like this long list of
know it I’ve got like this long list of things that I vow to try to change just
things that I vow to try to change just
things that I vow to try to change just to spare mark the discomfort of shaping
to spare mark the discomfort of shaping
to spare mark the discomfort of shaping himself up
himself up
himself up let’s say let’s say it gets worse right
let’s say let’s say it gets worse right
let’s say let’s say it gets worse right let’s say that it progresses to like a
let’s say that it progresses to like a
let’s say that it progresses to like a disciplinary meeting between me and mark
disciplinary meeting between me and mark
disciplinary meeting between me and mark and he’s got an explanation he’s
and he’s got an explanation he’s
and he’s got an explanation he’s overtired or he’s uninspired or his dog
overtired or he’s uninspired or his dog
overtired or he’s uninspired or his dog diet or his girlfriend dumped him
diet or his girlfriend dumped him
diet or his girlfriend dumped him whatever the point is I quickly put the
whatever the point is I quickly put the
whatever the point is I quickly put the ball right back in my court and again
ball right back in my court and again
ball right back in my court and again I’m asking myself what am I doing wrong
I’m asking myself what am I doing wrong
I’m asking myself what am I doing wrong it’s like I dive headfirst down this
it’s like I dive headfirst down this
it’s like I dive headfirst down this rabbit hole and I started asking more
rabbit hole and I started asking more
rabbit hole and I started asking more about its girlfriend maybe I show a
about its girlfriend maybe I show a
about its girlfriend maybe I show a picture of my dog so that he knows I
picture of my dog so that he knows I
picture of my dog so that he knows I feel his pain and then Mark strolls out
feel his pain and then Mark strolls out
feel his pain and then Mark strolls out of my office
of my office
of my office conflict not solved performance not
conflict not solved performance not
conflict not solved performance not boosted but he’s probably feeling better
boosted but he’s probably feeling better
boosted but he’s probably feeling better forgiven even loved so what do I do with
forgiven even loved so what do I do with
forgiven even loved so what do I do with all of these tendencies how do I achieve
all of these tendencies how do I achieve
all of these tendencies how do I achieve strong leadership without losing the
strong leadership without losing the
strong leadership without losing the parts of me that I love the parts of me
parts of me that I love the parts of me
parts of me that I love the parts of me that I promise to sail overhead for the
that I promise to sail overhead for the
that I promise to sail overhead for the rest of my days how do I manage without
rest of my days how do I manage without
rest of my days how do I manage without mothering is this issue quintessentially
mothering is this issue quintessentially
mothering is this issue quintessentially female
female
female I don’t know I’m actually I’m asking
I don’t know I’m actually I’m asking
I don’t know I’m actually I’m asking because I’ve had a lot of bosses and
because I’ve had a lot of bosses and
because I’ve had a lot of bosses and teachers and leaders a lot of them male
teachers and leaders a lot of them male
teachers and leaders a lot of them male and I don’t ever once recall feeling
and I don’t ever once recall feeling
and I don’t ever once recall feeling loved by them
appreciated respected sometimes but
appreciated respected sometimes but loved no which means they were able to
loved no which means they were able to
loved no which means they were able to teach me manage me and even mentor me
teach me manage me and even mentor me
teach me manage me and even mentor me without ever once crossing over into
without ever once crossing over into
without ever once crossing over into loving me and I’ve had some really good
loving me and I’ve had some really good
loving me and I’ve had some really good teachers let me let me go back to my
teachers let me let me go back to my
teachers let me let me go back to my mother because for me that’s the place
mother because for me that’s the place
mother because for me that’s the place from which most of my things stem when
from which most of my things stem when
from which most of my things stem when I’m asked to do something like this like
I’m asked to do something like this like
I’m asked to do something like this like speak for 10 whole minutes about
speak for 10 whole minutes about
speak for 10 whole minutes about something first thing I do is I’m like
something first thing I do is I’m like
something first thing I do is I’m like what do I know you know like what in the
what do I know you know like what in the
what do I know you know like what in the hell do I know but I I know stuff all
hell do I know but I I know stuff all
hell do I know but I I know stuff all right I’m a grown-ass woman I got two
right I’m a grown-ass woman I got two
right I’m a grown-ass woman I got two restaurants pretty soon free I’ve been
restaurants pretty soon free I’ve been
restaurants pretty soon free I’ve been on TV a time or two I know stuff but for
on TV a time or two I know stuff but for
on TV a time or two I know stuff but for me it’s like I go back to square one and
me it’s like I go back to square one and
me it’s like I go back to square one and I think what did my mommy teach me and
I think what did my mommy teach me and
I think what did my mommy teach me and it’s in that search in that reflection
it’s in that search in that reflection
it’s in that search in that reflection that I start to draw all of these
that I start to draw all of these
that I start to draw all of these circles and parallels so here we go what
circles and parallels so here we go what
circles and parallels so here we go what did my mom teach me she taught me how to
did my mom teach me she taught me how to
did my mom teach me she taught me how to love and how does she show love to me
love and how does she show love to me
love and how does she show love to me and to others through food and then I’m
and to others through food and then I’m
and to others through food and then I’m getting somewhere my mom showed me love
getting somewhere my mom showed me love
getting somewhere my mom showed me love through food and I cook for a living my
through food and I cook for a living my
through food and I cook for a living my mom suffered a very violent and
mom suffered a very violent and
mom suffered a very violent and aggressive stroke the day after it
aggressive stroke the day after it
aggressive stroke the day after it happened I rushed to her house to grab
happened I rushed to her house to grab
happened I rushed to her house to grab some things that I thought that she
some things that I thought that she
some things that I thought that she might need and I was in the kitchen and
might need and I was in the kitchen and
might need and I was in the kitchen and I saw a note written on the board it
I saw a note written on the board it
I saw a note written on the board it said drop off two pies on Wednesday
said drop off two pies on Wednesday
said drop off two pies on Wednesday while it was Wednesday somebody who was
while it was Wednesday somebody who was
while it was Wednesday somebody who was supposed to get some pies from my mother
supposed to get some pies from my mother
supposed to get some pies from my mother and I had no idea who I didn’t know if
and I had no idea who I didn’t know if
and I had no idea who I didn’t know if it was maybe one of the parents at the
it was maybe one of the parents at the
it was maybe one of the parents at the daycare center where she worked was
daycare center where she worked was
daycare center where she worked was somebody from church her brother I had
somebody from church her brother I had
somebody from church her brother I had no idea so when I got back to the
no idea so when I got back to the
no idea so when I got back to the hospital I was holding her hand and she
hospital I was holding her hand and she
hospital I was holding her hand and she was trying to say a word I couldn’t
was trying to say a word I couldn’t
was trying to say a word I couldn’t quite make it out but she was saying
quite make it out but she was saying
quite make it out but she was saying at least I believe she was and I believe
at least I believe she was and I believe
at least I believe she was and I believe it was the name of whomever was supposed
it was the name of whomever was supposed
it was the name of whomever was supposed to get those pies it’s like with the
to get those pies it’s like with the
to get those pies it’s like with the last little bit of who she was she was
last little bit of who she was she was
last little bit of who she was she was still fighting she was still loving
anyway so I’m back I’m back to what she
anyway so I’m back I’m back to what she taught me and how and where and I’m back
taught me and how and where and I’m back
taught me and how and where and I’m back to her cooking and the recipes and
to her cooking and the recipes and
to her cooking and the recipes and watching them and stirring them
watching them and stirring them
watching them and stirring them patiently and I realized that’s what I
patiently and I realized that’s what I
patiently and I realized that’s what I do it’s what I do every single day and
do it’s what I do every single day and
do it’s what I do every single day and you have to bear with me because
you have to bear with me because
you have to bear with me because honestly it’s like I’m just figuring
honestly it’s like I’m just figuring
honestly it’s like I’m just figuring this out it’s like I take a little bit
this out it’s like I take a little bit
this out it’s like I take a little bit of policy right like when I write rules
of policy right like when I write rules
of policy right like when I write rules for my employees to follow and I outline
for my employees to follow and I outline
for my employees to follow and I outline the clear consequences that will happen
the clear consequences that will happen
the clear consequences that will happen if they if they don’t follow those rules
if they if they don’t follow those rules
if they if they don’t follow those rules I take those and I add to that a big
I take those and I add to that a big
I take those and I add to that a big spoonful of procedure like I give them a
spoonful of procedure like I give them a
spoonful of procedure like I give them a clear path to follow like a roadmap of
clear path to follow like a roadmap of
clear path to follow like a roadmap of all the rules and all the discipline not
all the rules and all the discipline not
all the rules and all the discipline not just rules for them but rules for me too
just rules for them but rules for me too
just rules for them but rules for me too like little reminders that I put in
like little reminders that I put in
like little reminders that I put in there so that I remember the way I
there so that I remember the way I
there so that I remember the way I really want things to go when I’m not
really want things to go when I’m not
really want things to go when I’m not like all muddy by love or made gooey by
like all muddy by love or made gooey by
like all muddy by love or made gooey by caring too much and then to that I add a
caring too much and then to that I add a
caring too much and then to that I add a couple pounds of protection I’m gonna
couple pounds of protection I’m gonna
couple pounds of protection I’m gonna walk into that disciplinary meeting but
walk into that disciplinary meeting but
walk into that disciplinary meeting but I’m gonna bring another manager with me
I’m gonna bring another manager with me
I’m gonna bring another manager with me so that I’m accountable to someone else
so that I’m accountable to someone else
so that I’m accountable to someone else so that I follow my own rules and then
so that I follow my own rules and then
so that I follow my own rules and then finally since it’s my mother’s recipe
finally since it’s my mother’s recipe
finally since it’s my mother’s recipe that I’m working with
that I’m working with
that I’m working with I garnish it with a little kindness and
I garnish it with a little kindness and
I garnish it with a little kindness and compassion and I show my team all the
compassion and I show my team all the
compassion and I show my team all the time not just in times of conflict that
time not just in times of conflict that
time not just in times of conflict that I’m there to support them I do that all
I’m there to support them I do that all
I’m there to support them I do that all the time every single day and I realize
the time every single day and I realize
the time every single day and I realize I’m cooking – I’m cooking this big soup
I’m cooking – I’m cooking this big soup
I’m cooking – I’m cooking this big soup it’s like a stew really of trials and
it’s like a stew really of trials and
it’s like a stew really of trials and errors and failures and accomplishments
errors and failures and accomplishments
errors and failures and accomplishments and frustration and learning and growing
and frustration and learning and growing
and frustration and learning and growing and managing it’s this big stew
and managing it’s this big stew
and managing it’s this big stew and it’s never ever done
and it’s never ever done
and it’s never ever done but that’s cool because in my world the
but that’s cool because in my world the
but that’s cool because in my world the best recipes take a long time I think
best recipes take a long time I think
best recipes take a long time I think it’s important to stop here and tell you
it’s important to stop here and tell you
it’s important to stop here and tell you that my mom was not this gentle little
that my mom was not this gentle little
that my mom was not this gentle little butterfly
butterfly
butterfly softly landing on people’s shoulders
softly landing on people’s shoulders
softly landing on people’s shoulders blowing sunshine kisses and rainbows she
blowing sunshine kisses and rainbows she
blowing sunshine kisses and rainbows she was tough
was tough
was tough she raised five of us and while my
she raised five of us and while my
she raised five of us and while my brothers and sisters and I love to brag
brothers and sisters and I love to brag
brothers and sisters and I love to brag about how he never gave our parents hell
about how he never gave our parents hell
about how he never gave our parents hell it wasn’t exactly our choice we were we
it wasn’t exactly our choice we were we
it wasn’t exactly our choice we were we we will raise we fed off of this
we will raise we fed off of this
we will raise we fed off of this incredible stew of love and discipline
incredible stew of love and discipline
incredible stew of love and discipline it’s like do whatever you want try it be
it’s like do whatever you want try it be
it’s like do whatever you want try it be brave we love you we’ll forgive you but
brave we love you we’ll forgive you but
brave we love you we’ll forgive you but do it responsibly color inside the lines
do it responsibly color inside the lines
do it responsibly color inside the lines and make no excuses we were raised with
and make no excuses we were raised with
and make no excuses we were raised with rules a lot of them if I’m being honest
rules a lot of them if I’m being honest
rules a lot of them if I’m being honest but rules are loving too and then I
but rules are loving too and then I
but rules are loving too and then I circle back rules are loving too
I am supposed to give you something to
I am supposed to give you something to take away from all this right like a
take away from all this right like a
take away from all this right like a little to-go box of wisdom if we were
little to-go box of wisdom if we were
little to-go box of wisdom if we were hammering that metaphor home so take
hammering that metaphor home so take
hammering that metaphor home so take this
this
this I was raised blanketed in love I was
I was raised blanketed in love I was
I was raised blanketed in love I was taught to be kind patient loving and
taught to be kind patient loving and
taught to be kind patient loving and forgiving I was taught these things
forgiving I was taught these things
forgiving I was taught these things through the recipes of my mother and now
through the recipes of my mother and now
through the recipes of my mother and now I choose to do the same with the people
I choose to do the same with the people
I choose to do the same with the people I serve and the teams that I lead I say
I serve and the teams that I lead I say
I serve and the teams that I lead I say be responsible color inside the lines
be responsible color inside the lines
be responsible color inside the lines and make no excuses because rules are
and make no excuses because rules are
and make no excuses because rules are loving too and the stew is never ever
loving too and the stew is never ever
loving too and the stew is never ever done and by the way I’m going to call my
done and by the way I’m going to call my
done and by the way I’m going to call my mother Rosalie because she certainly
mother Rosalie because she certainly
mother Rosalie because she certainly deserves a name
”
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