and this will be my first introduction to everyone now my name is Kevin Bleyer
to everyone now my name is Kevin Bleyer
to everyone now my name is Kevin Bleyer and I’m a professional smartass right if
and I’m a professional smartass right if
and I’m a professional smartass right if you couldn’t tell already and in my
you couldn’t tell already and in my
you couldn’t tell already and in my capacity as a professional smartass this
capacity as a professional smartass this
capacity as a professional smartass this afternoon I’m going to teach you how to
afternoon I’m going to teach you how to
afternoon I’m going to teach you how to write a joke and maybe why to write a
write a joke and maybe why to write a
write a joke and maybe why to write a joke and before I forget though of
joke and before I forget though of
joke and before I forget though of course right that’s what they always say
course right that’s what they always say
course right that’s what they always say when you’re a little bit nervous as I am
when you’re a little bit nervous as I am
when you’re a little bit nervous as I am when there are some technical
when there are some technical
when there are some technical malfunctions as there have been when
malfunctions as there have been when
malfunctions as there have been when there’s a large audience as you are and
there’s a large audience as you are and
there’s a large audience as you are and you want to win them over you want to
you want to win them over you want to
you want to win them over you want to want them to like you as I do
want them to like you as I do
want them to like you as I do they say start with the joke exclamation
they say start with the joke exclamation
they say start with the joke exclamation point
point
point problem is I don’t know any jokes period
problem is I don’t know any jokes period
problem is I don’t know any jokes period true story
true story
true story now I may have spent the last two
now I may have spent the last two
now I may have spent the last two decades most of my adult life writing
decades most of my adult life writing
decades most of my adult life writing political comedy but along those lines
political comedy but along those lines
political comedy but along those lines along that way I never learned a joke
along that way I never learned a joke
along that way I never learned a joke true actually not entirely true I do
true actually not entirely true I do
true actually not entirely true I do know two jokes and just to be safe I
know two jokes and just to be safe I
know two jokes and just to be safe I brought one of them with me this
brought one of them with me this
brought one of them with me this afternoon yes blue cards last refuge of
afternoon yes blue cards last refuge of
afternoon yes blue cards last refuge of scoundrels and comedy writers smells
scoundrels and comedy writers smells
scoundrels and comedy writers smells funny it’s in there somewhere
funny it’s in there somewhere
funny it’s in there somewhere nope not that one that’s for the Aspen
nope not that one that’s for the Aspen
nope not that one that’s for the Aspen Institute inside joke right there
Institute inside joke right there
Institute inside joke right there okay so I brought one joke cut I’ll
okay so I brought one joke cut I’ll
okay so I brought one joke cut I’ll start with that knock-knock
start with that knock-knock
start with that knock-knock you’re good you know this stuff well
you’re good you know this stuff well
you’re good you know this stuff well done start from the top knock knock
done start from the top knock knock
done start from the top knock knock the interrupting cow Moo yeah that’s
the interrupting cow Moo yeah that’s
the interrupting cow Moo yeah that’s that joke goes over huge with
that joke goes over huge with
that joke goes over huge with six-year-olds that is six-year-olds who
six-year-olds that is six-year-olds who
six-year-olds that is six-year-olds who love TED conferences yeah so the funny
love TED conferences yeah so the funny
love TED conferences yeah so the funny thing is I don’t really know any jokes
thing is I don’t really know any jokes
thing is I don’t really know any jokes I’m not a comedian I don’t have a
I’m not a comedian I don’t have a
I’m not a comedian I don’t have a million of them I have two of them one
million of them I have two of them one
million of them I have two of them one of them is dirty and the other is about
of them is dirty and the other is about
of them is dirty and the other is about a cow that interrupts people so however
a cow that interrupts people so however
a cow that interrupts people so however I do know how sometimes when the mood
I do know how sometimes when the mood
I do know how sometimes when the mood strikes to write jokes and that’s why
strikes to write jokes and that’s why
strikes to write jokes and that’s why I’m here today how to write a joke even
I’m here today how to write a joke even
I’m here today how to write a joke even if you don’t have the prompter well
if you don’t have the prompter well
if you don’t have the prompter well you’re about to get all the trade
you’re about to get all the trade
you’re about to get all the trade secrets believe me first I’m gonna ask
secrets believe me first I’m gonna ask
secrets believe me first I’m gonna ask you a question what is a joke right
you a question what is a joke right
you a question what is a joke right what is a joke a great man once said and
what is a joke a great man once said and
what is a joke a great man once said and by that I mean Steve Martin there we go
by that I mean Steve Martin there we go
by that I mean Steve Martin there we go no there we go
it’ll all get fixed in post all right
it’ll all get fixed in post all right how to write a joke a great man once
how to write a joke a great man once
how to write a joke a great man once said and by that I mean Steve Martin a
said and by that I mean Steve Martin a
said and by that I mean Steve Martin a great man once said comedy is the
great man once said comedy is the
great man once said comedy is the ability to make people laugh without
ability to make people laugh without
ability to make people laugh without making them puke now it makes sense it’s
making them puke now it makes sense it’s
making them puke now it makes sense it’s funny because it’s true because and
funny because it’s true because and
funny because it’s true because and actually I should ask are there any gel
actually I should ask are there any gel
actually I should ask are there any gel atala gists in the audience Gela tal
atala gists in the audience Gela tal
atala gists in the audience Gela tal adjusts if your raise your hand if
adjusts if your raise your hand if
adjusts if your raise your hand if you’re a gel atala just too shy okay
you’re a gel atala just too shy okay
you’re a gel atala just too shy okay because gel attala gist’s are experts in
because gel attala gist’s are experts in
because gel attala gist’s are experts in laughter that’s a thing yeah I didn’t
laughter that’s a thing yeah I didn’t
laughter that’s a thing yeah I didn’t know either
know either
know either and according to jello tala G the
and according to jello tala G the
and according to jello tala G the science of gel it’s all G laughter is a
science of gel it’s all G laughter is a
science of gel it’s all G laughter is a very simple process laughter is and I’m
very simple process laughter is and I’m
very simple process laughter is and I’m quoting a collision of psychological and
quoting a collision of psychological and
quoting a collision of psychological and physiological responses we’re in the
physiological responses we’re in the
physiological responses we’re in the left side of the frontal lobe interprets
left side of the frontal lobe interprets
left side of the frontal lobe interprets the word presented to us deciphers the
the word presented to us deciphers the
the word presented to us deciphers the order of the words and their meaning
order of the words and their meaning
order of the words and their meaning while the right side determines whether
while the right side determines whether
while the right side determines whether those words and that order and that
those words and that order and that
those words and that order and that meaning is funny enough to trigger the
meaning is funny enough to trigger the
meaning is funny enough to trigger the limbic system in the center brain the
limbic system in the center brain the
limbic system in the center brain the amygdala and the hippocampus which is up
amygdala and the hippocampus which is up
amygdala and the hippocampus which is up there somewhere to stimulate the motor
there somewhere to stimulate the motor
there somewhere to stimulate the motor region of the brain and induce a
region of the brain and induce a
region of the brain and induce a temporary spasm of the intercostal
temporary spasm of the intercostal
temporary spasm of the intercostal muscles between the ribs and the
muscles between the ribs and the
muscles between the ribs and the diaphragm forcing more air out through
diaphragm forcing more air out through
diaphragm forcing more air out through the larynx than we can control with the
the larynx than we can control with the
the larynx than we can control with the vocal cords activating 15 different
vocal cords activating 15 different
vocal cords activating 15 different facial muscles the tear ducts and a
facial muscles the tear ducts and a
facial muscles the tear ducts and a massive acute release of endorphins and
massive acute release of endorphins and
massive acute release of endorphins and other endogenous opioid
other endogenous opioid
other endogenous opioid neurotransmitters triggering nothing
neurotransmitters triggering nothing
neurotransmitters triggering nothing less than an uncontrollable if transient
less than an uncontrollable if transient
less than an uncontrollable if transient morphine like euphoria
morphine like euphoria
morphine like euphoria so yeah piece of cake
you want to write a joke just write a
you want to write a joke just write a bunch of words in a particular order
bunch of words in a particular order
bunch of words in a particular order that does that so telling a joke is
that does that so telling a joke is
that does that so telling a joke is simply activating someone’s intercostal
simply activating someone’s intercostal
simply activating someone’s intercostal muscles just beyond their ability to
muscles just beyond their ability to
muscles just beyond their ability to control them
control them
control them in other words comedy is the ability to
in other words comedy is the ability to
in other words comedy is the ability to make people laugh without making them
make people laugh without making them
make people laugh without making them puke so how do you do that how do you
puke so how do you do that how do you
puke so how do you do that how do you write a joke well that’s actually pretty
write a joke well that’s actually pretty
write a joke well that’s actually pretty simple as well there it is established
simple as well there it is established
simple as well there it is established premise established pattern established
premise established pattern established
premise established pattern established expectation violent expectation
expectation violent expectation
expectation violent expectation established premise established pattern
established premise established pattern
established premise established pattern established expectation violent
established expectation violent
established expectation violent expectation say it with me
expectation say it with me
expectation say it with me established premise established pattern
established premise established pattern
established premise established pattern established expectation violent
established expectation violent
established expectation violent expectation one more time just for kicks
expectation one more time just for kicks
expectation one more time just for kicks established premise established pattern
established premise established pattern
established premise established pattern it’s about violating mu it’s that simple
it’s about violating mu it’s that simple
it’s about violating mu it’s that simple so when I say knock knock I’m
so when I say knock knock I’m
so when I say knock knock I’m establishing the premise there’s someone
establishing the premise there’s someone
establishing the premise there’s someone at the door when I say who’s there I’m
at the door when I say who’s there I’m
at the door when I say who’s there I’m establishing a pattern see Colin
establishing a pattern see Colin
establishing a pattern see Colin responds when I say the interrupting cow
responds when I say the interrupting cow
responds when I say the interrupting cow I’m establishing an expectation you know
I’m establishing an expectation you know
I’m establishing an expectation you know the joke you’re expecting that cows last
the joke you’re expecting that cows last
the joke you’re expecting that cows last name and when I say the interrupting Moo
name and when I say the interrupting Moo
name and when I say the interrupting Moo I’ve violated your expectations you did
I’ve violated your expectations you did
I’ve violated your expectations you did not expect that cow to interrupt you you
not expect that cow to interrupt you you
not expect that cow to interrupt you you of all people how dare that cow of
of all people how dare that cow of
of all people how dare that cow of course I have to admit that there are
course I have to admit that there are
course I have to admit that there are other jokes I only know that one joke
other jokes I only know that one joke
other jokes I only know that one joke there are other jokes with other rules
there are other jokes with other rules
there are other jokes with other rules other structures other patterns they’re
other structures other patterns they’re
other structures other patterns they’re not all dirty they’re not all about a
not all dirty they’re not all about a
not all dirty they’re not all about a cow and in fact you’ve got you take a
cow and in fact you’ve got you take a
cow and in fact you’ve got you take a notes establish premise to the absurd
notes establish premise to the absurd
notes establish premise to the absurd extreme adopt the opposite rule of
extreme adopt the opposite rule of
extreme adopt the opposite rule of threes rule of threes or rule of threes
threes rule of threes or rule of threes
threes rule of threes or rule of threes specificity is your friend funniest word
specificity is your friend funniest word
specificity is your friend funniest word goes at the end that obvious okay okay
goes at the end that obvious okay okay
goes at the end that obvious okay okay according to Mel Brooks another great
according to Mel Brooks another great
according to Mel Brooks another great man Kay is hands-down the funniest
man Kay is hands-down the funniest
man Kay is hands-down the funniest letter you want to say salmon don’t say
letter you want to say salmon don’t say
letter you want to say salmon don’t say salmon say turkey or donkey or write a
salmon say turkey or donkey or write a
salmon say turkey or donkey or write a joke about Kirk Kerkorian
joke about Kirk Kerkorian
joke about Kirk Kerkorian brevity is the soul of wit now whoever
brevity is the soul of wit now whoever
brevity is the soul of wit now whoever came up with that rule I’m just saying
came up with that rule I’m just saying
came up with that rule I’m just saying they might have just said brevity is wit
they might have just said brevity is wit
they might have just said brevity is wit seems to me right fart jokes who doesn’t
seems to me right fart jokes who doesn’t
seems to me right fart jokes who doesn’t love a good fart joke and finally
love a good fart joke and finally
love a good fart joke and finally president Trump I’m aright who’s with me
president Trump I’m aright who’s with me
president Trump I’m aright who’s with me that was easy
that was easy
that was easy and yet you laughed so everybody got
and yet you laughed so everybody got
and yet you laughed so everybody got that we are just scratching the surface
that we are just scratching the surface
that we are just scratching the surface on how to write a joke but if you do
on how to write a joke but if you do
on how to write a joke but if you do some of those rules and some of that
some of those rules and some of that
some of those rules and some of that order at some point at some time in the
order at some point at some time in the
order at some point at some time in the near future or the not so near future
near future or the not so near future
near future or the not so near future you might accidentally have stumbled
you might accidentally have stumbled
you might accidentally have stumbled upon a joke now I wrote a joke a few
upon a joke now I wrote a joke a few
upon a joke now I wrote a joke a few minutes ago
minutes ago
minutes ago you want to hear it okay whew if you
you want to hear it okay whew if you
you want to hear it okay whew if you didn’t I don’t know where I was going to
didn’t I don’t know where I was going to
didn’t I don’t know where I was going to go with this now it’s a bit of a cheesy
go with this now it’s a bit of a cheesy
go with this now it’s a bit of a cheesy joke and as you hear the joke keep in
joke and as you hear the joke keep in
joke and as you hear the joke keep in mind that I have won Emmys for my
mind that I have won Emmys for my
mind that I have won Emmys for my political comedy Emmys plural
all right who’s got two thumbs and no
all right who’s got two thumbs and no sense of direction
sense of direction
sense of direction this guy I’ve also want a Peabody okay
this guy I’ve also want a Peabody okay
this guy I’ve also want a Peabody okay just testing the room we’ll get to the
just testing the room we’ll get to the
just testing the room we’ll get to the political comedy a bit later but it’s
political comedy a bit later but it’s
political comedy a bit later but it’s easy right here’s where it gets
easy right here’s where it gets
easy right here’s where it gets complicated how do you write a joke in
complicated how do you write a joke in
complicated how do you write a joke in 2017 in other words how when the world
2017 in other words how when the world
2017 in other words how when the world doesn’t seem so funny how do you write a
doesn’t seem so funny how do you write a
doesn’t seem so funny how do you write a joke first step you elect one president
joke first step you elect one president
joke first step you elect one president where’s my drummer I was going to get a
where’s my drummer I was going to get a
where’s my drummer I was going to get a rimshot from that one now before I go
rimshot from that one now before I go
rimshot from that one now before I go any further I feel like I should offer
any further I feel like I should offer
any further I feel like I should offer an apology
an apology
an apology the rumors are true Donald Trump is
the rumors are true Donald Trump is
the rumors are true Donald Trump is president the United States of America
president the United States of America
president the United States of America and there’s a good chance it’s my fault
and there’s a good chance it’s my fault
and there’s a good chance it’s my fault let me explain I’m told he ran for
let me explain I’m told he ran for
let me explain I’m told he ran for president in part because he couldn’t
president in part because he couldn’t
president in part because he couldn’t take a joke a few jokes actually jokes
take a joke a few jokes actually jokes
take a joke a few jokes actually jokes that I helped write at the White House
that I helped write at the White House
that I helped write at the White House Correspondents Dinner a few years ago
Correspondents Dinner a few years ago
Correspondents Dinner a few years ago you might remember that night you might
you might remember that night you might
you might remember that night you might remember that was the night that
remember that was the night that
remember that was the night that President Obama pointed out that up
President Obama pointed out that up
President Obama pointed out that up until that moment the most difficult
until that moment the most difficult
until that moment the most difficult decision Donald Trump had ever made was
decision Donald Trump had ever made was
decision Donald Trump had ever made was whether or not to fake fire Gary Busey
whether or not to fake fire Gary Busey
whether or not to fake fire Gary Busey or meatloaf ah so yeah those jokes got
or meatloaf ah so yeah those jokes got
or meatloaf ah so yeah those jokes got under his skin it motivated him maybe
under his skin it motivated him maybe
under his skin it motivated him maybe and he ran for president
and he ran for president
and he ran for president anyone the presidency and you’re welcome
anyone the presidency and you’re welcome
anyone the presidency and you’re welcome and I’m sorry and in my mind some of you
and I’m sorry and in my mind some of you
and I’m sorry and in my mind some of you are booing my ruling me right now and
are booing my ruling me right now and
are booing my ruling me right now and there’s a very good chance that Donald
there’s a very good chance that Donald
there’s a very good chance that Donald Trump is tweeting about me right now
Trump is tweeting about me right now
Trump is tweeting about me right now although I think we can all agree it’s
although I think we can all agree it’s
although I think we can all agree it’s not likely that Donald Trump gets his
not likely that Donald Trump gets his
not likely that Donald Trump gets his news from TED talks
of course when the world gets a little
of course when the world gets a little less funny that’s when a particular kind
less funny that’s when a particular kind
less funny that’s when a particular kind of humor comes in ha tada
of humor comes in ha tada
of humor comes in ha tada political satire the last funny the
political satire the last funny the
political satire the last funny the world gets the more people turn to
world gets the more people turn to
world gets the more people turn to political satire it’s happened
political satire it’s happened
political satire it’s happened historically political satire becomes in
historically political satire becomes in
historically political satire becomes in a sense the coin of the realm and when I
a sense the coin of the realm and when I
a sense the coin of the realm and when I went to college this college you
went to college this college you
went to college this college you certainly couldn’t major in writing
certainly couldn’t major in writing
certainly couldn’t major in writing political satire specifically but the
political satire specifically but the
political satire specifically but the growth industry that it is it is the
growth industry that it is it is the
growth industry that it is it is the fact that at some schools you can
fact that at some schools you can
fact that at some schools you can actually major in you can get a BA in I
actually major in you can get a BA in I
actually major in you can get a BA in I guess let’s call it that yes there are
guess let’s call it that yes there are
guess let’s call it that yes there are doctoral feast students writing theses
doctoral feast students writing theses
doctoral feast students writing theses on The Daily Show effect
on The Daily Show effect
on The Daily Show effect I think I’m quoted in a couple of them I
I think I’m quoted in a couple of them I
I think I’m quoted in a couple of them I was a writer at The Daily Show for much
was a writer at The Daily Show for much
was a writer at The Daily Show for much of the last decade I was writing fake
of the last decade I was writing fake
of the last decade I was writing fake news before fake news became fake news
news before fake news became fake news
news before fake news became fake news and when I was at the fake news Daily
and when I was at the fake news Daily
and when I was at the fake news Daily Show I would often hear maybe from some
Show I would often hear maybe from some
Show I would often hear maybe from some of you that they got their real news
of you that they got their real news
of you that they got their real news from The Daily Show and on behalf of The
from The Daily Show and on behalf of The
from The Daily Show and on behalf of The Daily Show let me just say that that is
Daily Show let me just say that that is
Daily Show let me just say that that is utterly flattering but entirely
utterly flattering but entirely
utterly flattering but entirely horrifying getting your news from The
horrifying getting your news from The
horrifying getting your news from The Daily Show is like getting your medical
Daily Show is like getting your medical
Daily Show is like getting your medical prescriptions filled by Charlie Sheen
odds are we have what you’re looking for
odds are we have what you’re looking for but you might want to get a second
but you might want to get a second
but you might want to get a second opinion
opinion
opinion still it’s like I said it’s a growth
still it’s like I said it’s a growth
still it’s like I said it’s a growth industry and when the when something
industry and when the when something
industry and when the when something truly absurd happens like when a reality
truly absurd happens like when a reality
truly absurd happens like when a reality show host becomes the leader of the free
show host becomes the leader of the free
show host becomes the leader of the free world people would come to me and say
world people would come to me and say
world people would come to me and say Kevin oh my gosh mana from heaven right
Kevin oh my gosh mana from heaven right
Kevin oh my gosh mana from heaven right your job just got so much easier the
your job just got so much easier the
your job just got so much easier the jokes right themselves I assure you they
jokes right themselves I assure you they
jokes right themselves I assure you they do not you know when a guy goes into the
do not you know when a guy goes into the
do not you know when a guy goes into the oh are you don’t tell the surgeon heals
oh are you don’t tell the surgeon heals
oh are you don’t tell the surgeon heals itself don’t it truth is as the news
itself don’t it truth is as the news
itself don’t it truth is as the news gets less funnier sometimes the harder
gets less funnier sometimes the harder
gets less funnier sometimes the harder the procedure and yet it is the case
the procedure and yet it is the case
the procedure and yet it is the case that is a time like these people turn to
that is a time like these people turn to
that is a time like these people turn to political satire and I sometimes wonder
political satire and I sometimes wonder
political satire and I sometimes wonder if they should what they want will it
if they should what they want will it
if they should what they want will it help them get to sleep at night yes will
help them get to sleep at night yes will
help them get to sleep at night yes will it help them wake up in the morning I
it help them wake up in the morning I
it help them wake up in the morning I don’t know because I do wonder in 2017
don’t know because I do wonder in 2017
don’t know because I do wonder in 2017 whether satire is up to the task and now
whether satire is up to the task and now
whether satire is up to the task and now here comes the serious part of the
here comes the serious part of the
here comes the serious part of the comedy talk I’m going to regret this
comedy talk I’m going to regret this
comedy talk I’m going to regret this because like I said I’m a professional
because like I said I’m a professional
because like I said I’m a professional smartass so earnestness is not really a
smartass so earnestness is not really a
smartass so earnestness is not really a good look on me but there is a saying in
good look on me but there is a saying in
good look on me but there is a saying in comedy writing don’t joke the joke
comedy writing don’t joke the joke
comedy writing don’t joke the joke sometimes you can’t joke the joke and I
sometimes you can’t joke the joke and I
sometimes you can’t joke the joke and I do wonder how effective we can be and
do wonder how effective we can be and
do wonder how effective we can be and what we actually get done just by making
what we actually get done just by making
what we actually get done just by making fun of something that was so absurd we
fun of something that was so absurd we
fun of something that was so absurd we couldn’t have made it up and that’s kind
couldn’t have made it up and that’s kind
couldn’t have made it up and that’s kind of where we are right now where the
of where we are right now where the
of where we are right now where the headlines are hilarious yes they are but
headlines are hilarious yes they are but
headlines are hilarious yes they are but the punchline the premise is now the
the punchline the premise is now the
the punchline the premise is now the punchline because I think we all agree
punchline because I think we all agree
punchline because I think we all agree others have said it today our president
others have said it today our president
others have said it today our president is something of a comic book character
is something of a comic book character
is something of a comic book character like him or not
like him or not
like him or not he’s a comic book character that was
he’s a comic book character that was
he’s a comic book character that was fused when a crybaby merged with the
fused when a crybaby merged with the
fused when a crybaby merged with the bully somehow and his superpower is
bully somehow and his superpower is
bully somehow and his superpower is having a thin skin and a 100 word
having a thin skin and a 100 word
having a thin skin and a 100 word vocabulary I’m going for it people
if a great man ever says a great man
if a great man ever says a great man once said he won’t be talking about
once said he won’t be talking about
once said he won’t be talking about President Trump Donald J Trump makes
President Trump Donald J Trump makes
President Trump Donald J Trump makes George W Bush look like William F
George W Bush look like William F
George W Bush look like William F Buckley there is no precedent for this
Buckley there is no precedent for this
Buckley there is no precedent for this president but here’s the thing the jokes
president but here’s the thing the jokes
president but here’s the thing the jokes not on him the joke’s on us we have as
not on him the joke’s on us we have as
not on him the joke’s on us we have as satirist
satirist
satirist been out sad tired Bigley it is true our
been out sad tired Bigley it is true our
been out sad tired Bigley it is true our most basic understanding of civic rights
most basic understanding of civic rights
most basic understanding of civic rights and civic duties and civics have been
and civic duties and civics have been
and civic duties and civics have been upended up is down fake news is truth
upended up is down fake news is truth
upended up is down fake news is truth truth is fake news left is right right
truth is fake news left is right right
truth is fake news left is right right as writer and writer is wrong it’s as if
as writer and writer is wrong it’s as if
as writer and writer is wrong it’s as if George Orwell wrote a sequel 2017 it’s
George Orwell wrote a sequel 2017 it’s
George Orwell wrote a sequel 2017 it’s doublespeak e’er and you have to ask
doublespeak e’er and you have to ask
doublespeak e’er and you have to ask what’s funny about that how do you joke
what’s funny about that how do you joke
what’s funny about that how do you joke the joke it’s not a rhetorical question
the joke it’s not a rhetorical question
the joke it’s not a rhetorical question you can plenty people are and it’s
you can plenty people are and it’s
you can plenty people are and it’s downright funny but at a time when yes
downright funny but at a time when yes
downright funny but at a time when yes comedy is the ability to make people
comedy is the ability to make people
comedy is the ability to make people laugh without making them puke what if
laugh without making them puke what if
laugh without making them puke what if reality is making people puke without
reality is making people puke without
reality is making people puke without making them laugh and what then it’s not
making them laugh and what then it’s not
making them laugh and what then it’s not a rhetorical question feel that awkward
a rhetorical question feel that awkward
a rhetorical question feel that awkward silence keep hoping a cow will interrupt
silence keep hoping a cow will interrupt
silence keep hoping a cow will interrupt us but we know the answer it’s a
us but we know the answer it’s a
us but we know the answer it’s a difficult question but we know the
difficult question but we know the
difficult question but we know the answer and here we go here’s the rousing
answer and here we go here’s the rousing
answer and here we go here’s the rousing speech there’s only one choice only one
speech there’s only one choice only one
speech there’s only one choice only one path for you keep resisting you keep
path for you keep resisting you keep
path for you keep resisting you keep insisting there’s something funny about
insisting there’s something funny about
insisting there’s something funny about the whole fiasco you ask ok well that
the whole fiasco you ask ok well that
the whole fiasco you ask ok well that happened but what’s funny now and you
happened but what’s funny now and you
happened but what’s funny now and you keep going and you and you start with a
keep going and you and you start with a
keep going and you and you start with a joke like this who has two tiny thumbs
joke like this who has two tiny thumbs
joke like this who has two tiny thumbs and no sense of direction that guy
and no sense of direction that guy
and no sense of direction that guy not bad yes we cynical satirist Sui few
not bad yes we cynical satirist Sui few
not bad yes we cynical satirist Sui few we unhappy few we band of smartasses we
we unhappy few we band of smartasses we
we unhappy few we band of smartasses we are the type that think the nihilistic
are the type that think the nihilistic
are the type that think the nihilistic belief that life is a joke but we also
belief that life is a joke but we also
belief that life is a joke but we also think it’s no laughing matter and when
think it’s no laughing matter and when
think it’s no laughing matter and when times like these happen the only way to
times like these happen the only way to
times like these happen the only way to go forward is to turn no laughing matter
go forward is to turn no laughing matter
go forward is to turn no laughing matter into a laughing matter but to do so
into a laughing matter but to do so
into a laughing matter but to do so intelligently right to not use our
intelligently right to not use our
intelligently right to not use our knee-jerk responses but to use our brain
knee-jerk responses but to use our brain
knee-jerk responses but to use our brain to use brain jerk responses to use our
to use brain jerk responses to use our
to use brain jerk responses to use our amygdala and our hippocampus is is is
amygdala and our hippocampus is is is
amygdala and our hippocampus is is is and to say something truly incisive like
and to say something truly incisive like
and to say something truly incisive like a clever fart joke or the size of his
a clever fart joke or the size of his
a clever fart joke or the size of his hypocrisy not as thumbs or the failure
hypocrisy not as thumbs or the failure
hypocrisy not as thumbs or the failure of his policies or the content of his
of his policies or the content of his
of his policies or the content of his character or I could go on and go on we
character or I could go on and go on we
character or I could go on and go on we must we must and now you can because
must we must and now you can because
must we must and now you can because I’ve taught you how to write a joke so
I’ve taught you how to write a joke so
I’ve taught you how to write a joke so here’s where we are it’s your turn to
here’s where we are it’s your turn to
here’s where we are it’s your turn to write a joke and you’re going to do it
write a joke and you’re going to do it
write a joke and you’re going to do it right now right here pressures on you’re
right now right here pressures on you’re
right now right here pressures on you’re going to write a joke it’s going to be a
going to write a joke it’s going to be a
going to write a joke it’s going to be a simple one it’s going to be a
simple one it’s going to be a
simple one it’s going to be a knock-knock joke and I’ll give you a
knock-knock joke and I’ll give you a
knock-knock joke and I’ll give you a hint Donald Trump is at the door
hint Donald Trump is at the door
hint Donald Trump is at the door but since it’s your joke you’re gonna
but since it’s your joke you’re gonna
but since it’s your joke you’re gonna start there we go
start there we go
start there we go who’s there Donald Trump ooh AHA not so
who’s there Donald Trump ooh AHA not so
who’s there Donald Trump ooh AHA not so easy is it
easy is it
easy is it they don’t write themselves but they
they don’t write themselves but they
they don’t write themselves but they need to be written thank you very much
need to be written thank you very much
need to be written thank you very much [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment