Developing the nerve to possess yourself | Katlego K Kolanyane-Kesupile | TEDxGoodenoughCollege

walking crime-scene I know you might be

walking crime-scene I know you might be in shock so I’m gonna say it one more

in shock so I’m gonna say it one more

in shock so I’m gonna say it one more time I am a walking crime scene my skin

time I am a walking crime scene my skin

time I am a walking crime scene my skin laid bare is inscribed with the muffled

laid bare is inscribed with the muffled

laid bare is inscribed with the muffled screams of ones who only knew being

screams of ones who only knew being

screams of ones who only knew being stolen my hands have learned to mold

stolen my hands have learned to mold

stolen my hands have learned to mold fists and expunge mortal flames my feet

fists and expunge mortal flames my feet

fists and expunge mortal flames my feet keep learning to take speed but hopes

keep learning to take speed but hopes

keep learning to take speed but hopes never know not being fast enough to get

never know not being fast enough to get

never know not being fast enough to get away my legs pried open will be made a

away my legs pried open will be made a

away my legs pried open will be made a temporary home by an uninvited guest my

temporary home by an uninvited guest my

temporary home by an uninvited guest my eyes naturally brown will learn to wear

eyes naturally brown will learn to wear

eyes naturally brown will learn to wear the hues of blue green purple and red my

the hues of blue green purple and red my

the hues of blue green purple and red my chest will learn a deafening silence and

chest will learn a deafening silence and

chest will learn a deafening silence and forget how to rise my mouth in cages a

forget how to rise my mouth in cages a

forget how to rise my mouth in cages a revolver tongue whose bullet words

revolver tongue whose bullet words

revolver tongue whose bullet words ricochet perfectly and return to me the

ricochet perfectly and return to me the

ricochet perfectly and return to me the mirror a trusted friend has my figure in

mirror a trusted friend has my figure in

mirror a trusted friend has my figure in chalk outlines my expressions numb and

chalk outlines my expressions numb and

chalk outlines my expressions numb and deathly cold I am a walking crime scene

deathly cold I am a walking crime scene

deathly cold I am a walking crime scene many of us can relate to these

many of us can relate to these

many of us can relate to these sentiments I’m not gonna ask for a show

sentiments I’m not gonna ask for a show

sentiments I’m not gonna ask for a show of hands or for you to clap if you feel

of hands or for you to clap if you feel

of hands or for you to clap if you feel me because essentially I know the

me because essentially I know the

me because essentially I know the difficulty of that association

difficulty of that association

difficulty of that association identified by the worst that can happen

identified by the worst that can happen

identified by the worst that can happen to you I’ve been there it’s toxic and we

to you I’ve been there it’s toxic and we

to you I’ve been there it’s toxic and we know it but even as intelligent

know it but even as intelligent

know it but even as intelligent sense-making human beings we keep that

sense-making human beings we keep that

sense-making human beings we keep that based thirst for blood intricately woven

based thirst for blood intricately woven

based thirst for blood intricately woven into our indoctrinated need to please we

into our indoctrinated need to please we

into our indoctrinated need to please we call that living I want to propose a

call that living I want to propose a

call that living I want to propose a different way of looking at how you

different way of looking at how you

different way of looking at how you inhabit your life a way to look at your

inhabit your life a way to look at your

inhabit your life a way to look at your lived experiences as more than just

lived experiences as more than just

lived experiences as more than just footnotes worthy of a eulogy or an

footnotes worthy of a eulogy or an

footnotes worthy of a eulogy or an obituary but rather as the foundations

obituary but rather as the foundations

obituary but rather as the foundations and the impatient impetus to give your

and the impatient impetus to give your

and the impatient impetus to give your life purpose

life purpose

life purpose a selfish purpose that benefits you and

a selfish purpose that benefits you and

a selfish purpose that benefits you and the very people that you are habituated

the very people that you are habituated

the very people that you are habituated to appease I want you to join me in

to appease I want you to join me in

to appease I want you to join me in developing the nerve to possess yourself

developing the nerve to possess yourself

developing the nerve to possess yourself I grew up in a black majority country

I grew up in a black majority country

I grew up in a black majority country never realizing that one day I’d be

never realizing that one day I’d be

never realizing that one day I’d be called an ethnic minority call it’s

called an ethnic minority call it’s

called an ethnic minority call it’s privileged ignorance but what I did

privileged ignorance but what I did

privileged ignorance but what I did recognize was the silencing of people

recognize was the silencing of people

recognize was the silencing of people like me the people who’d step outside of

like me the people who’d step outside of

like me the people who’d step outside of the lines drawn in the desert sands the

the lines drawn in the desert sands the

the lines drawn in the desert sands the unnamed who flickered like embers and

unnamed who flickered like embers and

unnamed who flickered like embers and late-night fires that I first came to

late-night fires that I first came to

late-night fires that I first came to know at my grandparents cattle post

know at my grandparents cattle post

know at my grandparents cattle post playing black mamba dealer and then on

playing black mamba dealer and then on

playing black mamba dealer and then on school trips where we’d toast

school trips where we’d toast

school trips where we’d toast marshmallows to dunk into our hot

marshmallows to dunk into our hot

marshmallows to dunk into our hot chocolates and the starlit hood skies

with no way of mocking my true north

with no way of mocking my true north first by day and then by night I became

first by day and then by night I became

first by day and then by night I became a war zone cut by the stairs punched by

a war zone cut by the stairs punched by

a war zone cut by the stairs punched by the sniggering I soon learned how to

the sniggering I soon learned how to

the sniggering I soon learned how to trade bits of myself in this conflict in

trade bits of myself in this conflict in

trade bits of myself in this conflict in a hope to create some sense of harmony

a hope to create some sense of harmony

a hope to create some sense of harmony but one thing you’ll learn from a

but one thing you’ll learn from a

but one thing you’ll learn from a lifetime of biting your tongue memories

lifetime of biting your tongue memories

lifetime of biting your tongue memories lose their flavors and so I went on a

lose their flavors and so I went on a

lose their flavors and so I went on a mission all about me spotting myself

mission all about me spotting myself

mission all about me spotting myself under my bed in distant friends laughter

under my bed in distant friends laughter

under my bed in distant friends laughter in forgotten photographs in nicknames in

in forgotten photographs in nicknames in

in forgotten photographs in nicknames in denim jackets Sun battered and rain

denim jackets Sun battered and rain

denim jackets Sun battered and rain kissed soil scarred knees and

kissed soil scarred knees and

kissed soil scarred knees and remembering that’s the way love goes I

remembering that’s the way love goes I

remembering that’s the way love goes I found that breathing could be a

found that breathing could be a

found that breathing could be a revolutionary act hard sustenance and

revolutionary act hard sustenance and

revolutionary act hard sustenance and part control art did that for me

part control art did that for me

part control art did that for me it triggered an urgency for me to be a

it triggered an urgency for me to be a

it triggered an urgency for me to be a better me through creation and I started

better me through creation and I started

better me through creation and I started to reclaim the very thing I thought I’d

to reclaim the very thing I thought I’d

to reclaim the very thing I thought I’d been trading all along which in fact was

been trading all along which in fact was

been trading all along which in fact was just taken from me my voice I’m many

just taken from me my voice I’m many

just taken from me my voice I’m many things to many people but nowadays it

things to many people but nowadays it

things to many people but nowadays it all starts with what I can call myself

all starts with what I can call myself

all starts with what I can call myself and know to be my truth artivist writer

and know to be my truth artivist writer

and know to be my truth artivist writer humanitarian friend a relentless Madonna

humanitarian friend a relentless Madonna

humanitarian friend a relentless Madonna child of a loving mother and a treasured

child of a loving mother and a treasured

child of a loving mother and a treasured father I build no monuments to these

father I build no monuments to these

father I build no monuments to these because the proof is in me I own it I

because the proof is in me I own it I

because the proof is in me I own it I now call on you to undress yourself of

now call on you to undress yourself of

now call on you to undress yourself of the scar tissues of your oppressions and

the scar tissues of your oppressions and

the scar tissues of your oppressions and redress those parts of you that you only

redress those parts of you that you only

redress those parts of you that you only ever defined by their value to other

ever defined by their value to other

ever defined by their value to other people it’s not a matter of can you it’s

people it’s not a matter of can you it’s

people it’s not a matter of can you it’s a matter of will you will you reclaim

a matter of will you will you reclaim

a matter of will you will you reclaim your story and all its parts it

your story and all its parts it

your story and all its parts it shouldn’t take fear to frighten you into

shouldn’t take fear to frighten you into

shouldn’t take fear to frighten you into self belief this isn’t arrogance this is

self belief this isn’t arrogance this is

self belief this isn’t arrogance this is developing the nerve to possess yourself

developing the nerve to possess yourself

developing the nerve to possess yourself I am a living pride scene my skin is a

I am a living pride scene my skin is a

I am a living pride scene my skin is a lyrical landscape of duets with the Sun

lyrical landscape of duets with the Sun

lyrical landscape of duets with the Sun my hands collide to send seismic waves

my hands collide to send seismic waves

my hands collide to send seismic waves of adoration and set course for dancing

of adoration and set course for dancing

of adoration and set course for dancing my feet carved meandering pathways for

my feet carved meandering pathways for

my feet carved meandering pathways for Wanderers like me

Wanderers like me

Wanderers like me my legs have learned to climb to jump to

my legs have learned to climb to jump to

my legs have learned to climb to jump to abound the impossible my eyes praise the

abound the impossible my eyes praise the

abound the impossible my eyes praise the wetness of happy tears and their

wetness of happy tears and their

wetness of happy tears and their medicine for grief my chest jolts with

medicine for grief my chest jolts with

medicine for grief my chest jolts with the pounding of a resilient drummer and

the pounding of a resilient drummer and

the pounding of a resilient drummer and this mouth is a free house to compassion

this mouth is a free house to compassion

this mouth is a free house to compassion and that revolve a tongue still shoots

and that revolve a tongue still shoots

and that revolve a tongue still shoots but the mirror has learned to show when

but the mirror has learned to show when

but the mirror has learned to show when it cracks

it cracks

it cracks and I continue to learn myself to mend

and I continue to learn myself to mend

and I continue to learn myself to mend and never buy that I am a living crime

and never buy that I am a living crime

and never buy that I am a living crime scene because I am a living pride scene

scene because I am a living pride scene

scene because I am a living pride scene thank you

thank you

thank you [Applause]