one of the oldest debates in psychology is the argument about whether we are
is the argument about whether we are
is the argument about whether we are determined by nature or nurture now
determined by nature or nurture now
determined by nature or nurture now there are some people that believe that
there are some people that believe that
there are some people that believe that nature is what determines us in other
nature is what determines us in other
nature is what determines us in other words your grandparents did it to you
words your grandparents did it to you
words your grandparents did it to you there are some people that believe that
there are some people that believe that
there are some people that believe that nurture is what determines us in other
nurture is what determines us in other
nurture is what determines us in other words it’s your parents fault
words it’s your parents fault
words it’s your parents fault nature nurture parents grandparents my
nature nurture parents grandparents my
nature nurture parents grandparents my boss my spouse my dog somebody’s got to
boss my spouse my dog somebody’s got to
boss my spouse my dog somebody’s got to be responsible for the messes I get and
be responsible for the messes I get and
be responsible for the messes I get and it can’t be my fault right I’d like to
it can’t be my fault right I’d like to
it can’t be my fault right I’d like to suggest to you that we are determined by
suggest to you that we are determined by
suggest to you that we are determined by nature or nurture as dr. Steven Covey
nature or nurture as dr. Steven Covey
nature or nurture as dr. Steven Covey said between stimulus and response
said between stimulus and response
said between stimulus and response humans have the freedom to pause and
humans have the freedom to pause and
humans have the freedom to pause and choose their response we are the product
choose their response we are the product
choose their response we are the product of our choices
there was once a 12 year old little girl
there was once a 12 year old little girl who had a dark secret that she kept
who had a dark secret that she kept
who had a dark secret that she kept hidden away now very shy and quiet and
hidden away now very shy and quiet and
hidden away now very shy and quiet and lonely she didn’t have many friends and
lonely she didn’t have many friends and
lonely she didn’t have many friends and she didn’t talk to the ones that she had
she didn’t talk to the ones that she had
she didn’t talk to the ones that she had she was afraid they would find out what
she was afraid they would find out what
she was afraid they would find out what daddy was really doing when he tucked
daddy was really doing when he tucked
daddy was really doing when he tucked her in at night she had been told that
her in at night she had been told that
her in at night she had been told that she shouldn’t tell anyone because they
she shouldn’t tell anyone because they
she shouldn’t tell anyone because they wouldn’t understand she didn’t
wouldn’t understand she didn’t
wouldn’t understand she didn’t understand I still don’t understand I
understand I still don’t understand I
understand I still don’t understand I was too ashamed to tell anyone dad would
was too ashamed to tell anyone dad would
was too ashamed to tell anyone dad would wait until we were home alone to make me
wait until we were home alone to make me
wait until we were home alone to make me dress up so he could take pictures of me
dress up so he could take pictures of me
dress up so he could take pictures of me he told me it wasn’t a sin because God
he told me it wasn’t a sin because God
he told me it wasn’t a sin because God had given me to him and he told me that
had given me to him and he told me that
had given me to him and he told me that no one else would understand it
no one else would understand it
no one else would understand it progressed as I got older by the time I
progressed as I got older by the time I
progressed as I got older by the time I was 17 he was regularly having sex with
was 17 he was regularly having sex with
was 17 he was regularly having sex with me and would bargain with me for sexual
me and would bargain with me for sexual
me and would bargain with me for sexual favors in exchange for something like an
favors in exchange for something like an
favors in exchange for something like an outing with my friends he was always
outing with my friends he was always
outing with my friends he was always saying he wanted to give me the ultimate
saying he wanted to give me the ultimate
saying he wanted to give me the ultimate experience in life now the ultimate
experience in life now the ultimate
experience in life now the ultimate experience looked like a lot of
experience looked like a lot of
experience looked like a lot of different things one time I’ve been
different things one time I’ve been
different things one time I’ve been taking nude pictures of me riding my
taking nude pictures of me riding my
taking nude pictures of me riding my one time it meant take time me up naked
one time it meant take time me up naked
one time it meant take time me up naked putting a red rubber ball gag in my
putting a red rubber ball gag in my
putting a red rubber ball gag in my mouth and beating me black and blue with
mouth and beating me black and blue with
mouth and beating me black and blue with the riding crop one time it meant
the riding crop one time it meant
the riding crop one time it meant watching another man have sex with me
watching another man have sex with me
watching another man have sex with me and then they change places there were
and then they change places there were
and then they change places there were times when life was almost not worth
times when life was almost not worth
times when life was almost not worth living and I considered a razor blade
living and I considered a razor blade
living and I considered a razor blade and a tub of warm water to end it now I
and a tub of warm water to end it now I
and a tub of warm water to end it now I left home at 19 I met a knight in a
left home at 19 I met a knight in a
left home at 19 I met a knight in a shiny Camaro and I left behind the
shiny Camaro and I left behind the
shiny Camaro and I left behind the father who sexually abused me for years
father who sexually abused me for years
father who sexually abused me for years and the mother who would later blame me
and the mother who would later blame me
and the mother who would later blame me for it and I didn’t have anything when I
for it and I didn’t have anything when I
for it and I didn’t have anything when I left home I didn’t have a job I didn’t
left home I didn’t have a job I didn’t
left home I didn’t have a job I didn’t have a car I didn’t have a high school
have a car I didn’t have a high school
have a car I didn’t have a high school diploma I’d never been to school and
diploma I’d never been to school and
diploma I’d never been to school and after I left I built a wall around what
after I left I built a wall around what
after I left I built a wall around what happened to me and to survive I locked
happened to me and to survive I locked
happened to me and to survive I locked my past up behind that wall and I threw
my past up behind that wall and I threw
my past up behind that wall and I threw away the key Mark Twain said that the
away the key Mark Twain said that the
away the key Mark Twain said that the two greatest days in our life or the day
two greatest days in our life or the day
two greatest days in our life or the day were born and the day that we discover
were born and the day that we discover
were born and the day that we discover why now I discovered my why on August
why now I discovered my why on August
why now I discovered my why on August 14th of 2013 that’s when I shared my
14th of 2013 that’s when I shared my
14th of 2013 that’s when I shared my story publicly for the first time and in
story publicly for the first time and in
story publicly for the first time and in doing so I shattered the bonds of shame
doing so I shattered the bonds of shame
doing so I shattered the bonds of shame and fear and false guilt that had held
and fear and false guilt that had held
and fear and false guilt that had held me captive for more than 20 years I
realized that in building a wall I’d
realized that in building a wall I’d created my own sort of prison a prison
created my own sort of prison a prison
created my own sort of prison a prison of the past now Isaac Newton said we
of the past now Isaac Newton said we
of the past now Isaac Newton said we build too many walls and not enough
build too many walls and not enough
build too many walls and not enough bridges we all experience pain or grief
bridges we all experience pain or grief
bridges we all experience pain or grief or hardship in light in life but
or hardship in light in life but
or hardship in light in life but resilience is rising from the ashes of
resilience is rising from the ashes of
resilience is rising from the ashes of what happens to us in life and burning
what happens to us in life and burning
what happens to us in life and burning brighter because of the flames
brighter because of the flames
brighter because of the flames resilience is the difference between I
resilience is the difference between I
resilience is the difference between I didn’t die and I learned to live again
didn’t die and I learned to live again
didn’t die and I learned to live again resilience is building a bridge out of
resilience is building a bridge out of
resilience is building a bridge out of the past instead of building a wall
the past instead of building a wall
the past instead of building a wall around it now I’ve got a simple
around it now I’ve got a simple
around it now I’ve got a simple blueprint for building this bridge using
blueprint for building this bridge using
blueprint for building this bridge using the acronym rice our stands for respond
the acronym rice our stands for respond
the acronym rice our stands for respond proactively we don’t get to decide what
proactively we don’t get to decide what
proactively we don’t get to decide what happens to us in life but we can decide
happens to us in life but we can decide
happens to us in life but we can decide how we respond to it
how we respond to it
how we respond to it reconcile with the past because you know
reconcile with the past because you know
reconcile with the past because you know what so often we can’t grab on to today
what so often we can’t grab on to today
what so often we can’t grab on to today because we won’t let go of yesterday i
because we won’t let go of yesterday i
because we won’t let go of yesterday i stands for identify accurately identify
stands for identify accurately identify
stands for identify accurately identify what you can control and focus on that
what you can control and focus on that
what you can control and focus on that Victor Frankel said when I can no longer
Victor Frankel said when I can no longer
Victor Frankel said when I can no longer change a situation I’m challenged to
change a situation I’m challenged to
change a situation I’m challenged to change myself an S stands for step
change myself an S stands for step
change myself an S stands for step forward consistent consistently if the
forward consistent consistently if the
forward consistent consistently if the journey of a thousand miles begins with
journey of a thousand miles begins with
journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step don’t just take one step
a single step don’t just take one step
a single step don’t just take one step and stop you got to take the second step
and stop you got to take the second step
and stop you got to take the second step and the third step you got to take a
and the third step you got to take a
and the third step you got to take a single step forward each and every day
single step forward each and every day
single step forward each and every day an e stands for experience joy joy is
an e stands for experience joy joy is
an e stands for experience joy joy is not a product of our circumstances it’s
not a product of our circumstances it’s
not a product of our circumstances it’s a choice that we make choose joy and
a choice that we make choose joy and
a choice that we make choose joy and closing let me leave you with this I
closing let me leave you with this I
closing let me leave you with this I don’t share my story so anyone will feel
don’t share my story so anyone will feel
don’t share my story so anyone will feel sorry for me I share my story so that
sorry for me I share my story so that
sorry for me I share my story so that everyone can look at me and say if she
everyone can look at me and say if she
everyone can look at me and say if she can do it so can I we can take what life
can do it so can I we can take what life
can do it so can I we can take what life hands us and we can be bitter about it
hands us and we can be bitter about it
hands us and we can be bitter about it or we can be better because of it what
or we can be better because of it what
or we can be better because of it what happens to us in life it’s not what’s
happens to us in life it’s not what’s
happens to us in life it’s not what’s most important what’s most important is
most important what’s most important is
most important what’s most important is what you do and who you become from that
what you do and who you become from that
what you do and who you become from that moment on what matters is the rest of
moment on what matters is the rest of
moment on what matters is the rest of your story thank you
”
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