[Applause] there’s a verse in the Quran that states
there’s a verse in the Quran that states
there’s a verse in the Quran that states a soul isn’t burdened beyond what it can
a soul isn’t burdened beyond what it can
a soul isn’t burdened beyond what it can bear this verse helped me through one of
bear this verse helped me through one of
bear this verse helped me through one of the hardest moments in my life it
the hardest moments in my life it
the hardest moments in my life it provided me comfort in knowing that I
provided me comfort in knowing that I
provided me comfort in knowing that I wasn’t in control and that the one who
wasn’t in control and that the one who
wasn’t in control and that the one who is wouldn’t give me more than I could
is wouldn’t give me more than I could
is wouldn’t give me more than I could handle grief is something that is rarely
handle grief is something that is rarely
handle grief is something that is rarely talked about in everyday life people
talked about in everyday life people
talked about in everyday life people don’t know what to say to someone who’s
don’t know what to say to someone who’s
don’t know what to say to someone who’s grieving and those who are grieving are
grieving and those who are grieving are
grieving and those who are grieving are afraid of being judged for talking about
afraid of being judged for talking about
afraid of being judged for talking about their grieving process we’ve stigmatized
their grieving process we’ve stigmatized
their grieving process we’ve stigmatized grief so much to the point that we’ve
grief so much to the point that we’ve
grief so much to the point that we’ve placed arbitrary timelines on the
placed arbitrary timelines on the
placed arbitrary timelines on the grieving process the other day I was at
grieving process the other day I was at
grieving process the other day I was at the grocery store and I heard a woman
the grocery store and I heard a woman
the grocery store and I heard a woman talking on the phone and she said he’s
talking on the phone and she said he’s
talking on the phone and she said he’s been dead for 10 years
been dead for 10 years
been dead for 10 years stop talking about it move on so many
stop talking about it move on so many
stop talking about it move on so many thoughts were going through my head in
thoughts were going through my head in
thoughts were going through my head in this moment but the one that stuck out
this moment but the one that stuck out
this moment but the one that stuck out the most was that what gives her anyone
the most was that what gives her anyone
the most was that what gives her anyone else for that matter the right to
else for that matter the right to
else for that matter the right to dictate someone else’s grieving process
dictate someone else’s grieving process
dictate someone else’s grieving process this was a clear example to me of how
this was a clear example to me of how
this was a clear example to me of how folks are forced and pushed to grieve in
folks are forced and pushed to grieve in
folks are forced and pushed to grieve in secret
that’s okay
that’s okay foolish for sugreeva secret there would
foolish for sugreeva secret there would
foolish for sugreeva secret there would be a picture of my parents up here and I
be a picture of my parents up here and I
be a picture of my parents up here and I would say these are my parents and they
would say these are my parents and they
would say these are my parents and they immigrated here from the from Somalia
immigrated here from the from Somalia
immigrated here from the from Somalia not too long before I was born they like
not too long before I was born they like
not too long before I was born they like most parents did the best they could
most parents did the best they could
most parents did the best they could with what they had to provide my sisters
with what they had to provide my sisters
with what they had to provide my sisters and I with the best experience possible
and I with the best experience possible
and I with the best experience possible they taught us about love faith respect
they taught us about love faith respect
they taught us about love faith respect and through their actions we learned
and through their actions we learned
and through their actions we learned about work ethic perseverance and
about work ethic perseverance and
about work ethic perseverance and resiliency they never shied away from
resiliency they never shied away from
resiliency they never shied away from our questions about death the afterlife
our questions about death the afterlife
our questions about death the afterlife or grief and at a very young age we knew
or grief and at a very young age we knew
or grief and at a very young age we knew that death is something that comes to
that death is something that comes to
that death is something that comes to all of us and that every soul was going
all of us and that every soul was going
all of us and that every soul was going to taste death at one point in their
to taste death at one point in their
to taste death at one point in their life right and in that moment they gave
life right and in that moment they gave
life right and in that moment they gave us the strength to know that grief is a
us the strength to know that grief is a
us the strength to know that grief is a natural part of life one of the stories
natural part of life one of the stories
natural part of life one of the stories that sticks out to me most growing up
that sticks out to me most growing up
that sticks out to me most growing up was the story of my grandfather’s
was the story of my grandfather’s
was the story of my grandfather’s funeral my grandfather passed away in
funeral my grandfather passed away in
funeral my grandfather passed away in Italy after receiving treatment for
Italy after receiving treatment for
Italy after receiving treatment for pancreatic cancer and my mother was with
pancreatic cancer and my mother was with
pancreatic cancer and my mother was with him throughout this process and so he
him throughout this process and so he
him throughout this process and so he had to be flown back to Somalia for his
had to be flown back to Somalia for his
had to be flown back to Somalia for his funeral and my mother wouldn’t never
funeral and my mother wouldn’t never
funeral and my mother wouldn’t never shied away or sugar-coated the pain that
shied away or sugar-coated the pain that
shied away or sugar-coated the pain that she felt that day when she noticed my
she felt that day when she noticed my
she felt that day when she noticed my grandfather’s casket be loaded onto a
grandfather’s casket be loaded onto a
grandfather’s casket be loaded onto a plane the same way that luggage was
plane the same way that luggage was
plane the same way that luggage was loaded onto a plane and every time I
loaded onto a plane and every time I
loaded onto a plane and every time I heard this story I would think to myself
heard this story I would think to myself
heard this story I would think to myself what would you do if you were to lose a
what would you do if you were to lose a
what would you do if you were to lose a parent and anytime that they would be
parent and anytime that they would be
parent and anytime that they would be sick or they didn’t answer the phone
sick or they didn’t answer the phone
sick or they didn’t answer the phone that’s where my mind went but of course
that’s where my mind went but of course
that’s where my mind went but of course just as quickly as those thoughts came
just as quickly as those thoughts came
just as quickly as those thoughts came into my mind they were long gone once I
into my mind they were long gone once I
into my mind they were long gone once I heard from them and they knew that they
heard from them and they knew that they
heard from them and they knew that they were okay but in November of 2015
were okay but in November of 2015
were okay but in November of 2015 that all changed my mother was diagnosed
that all changed my mother was diagnosed
that all changed my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that had spread
with stage 4 cancer that had spread
with stage 4 cancer that had spread throughout her body and now the thought
throughout her body and now the thought
throughout her body and now the thought of losing a parent the thought of losing
of losing a parent the thought of losing
of losing a parent the thought of losing my mother was very real the next year
my mother was very real the next year
my mother was very real the next year and a half was filled with countless
and a half was filled with countless
and a half was filled with countless doctors a point
doctors a point
doctors a point mints keep rounds of chemo and just
mints keep rounds of chemo and just
mints keep rounds of chemo and just medication so much medication and my
medication so much medication and my
medication so much medication and my mother although her physical strength
mother although her physical strength
mother although her physical strength was weakening her spathe in her will to
was weakening her spathe in her will to
was weakening her spathe in her will to persevere through this only grew
persevere through this only grew
persevere through this only grew stronger earlier this year the morning
stronger earlier this year the morning
stronger earlier this year the morning of Monday April 17th I got a call from
of Monday April 17th I got a call from
of Monday April 17th I got a call from my family to let me know that my mother
my family to let me know that my mother
my family to let me know that my mother was being rushed to the hospital I
was being rushed to the hospital I
was being rushed to the hospital I dropped everything I got on a flight and
dropped everything I got on a flight and
dropped everything I got on a flight and I went home that Friday April 21st
I went home that Friday April 21st
I went home that Friday April 21st around 8 a.m. I held my mother’s hand as
around 8 a.m. I held my mother’s hand as
around 8 a.m. I held my mother’s hand as she took her last breath in that moment
she took her last breath in that moment
she took her last breath in that moment looking back I was in a state of shock
looking back I was in a state of shock
looking back I was in a state of shock followed by an overwhelming numbness I
followed by an overwhelming numbness I
followed by an overwhelming numbness I remember a tear rolling down my face as
remember a tear rolling down my face as
remember a tear rolling down my face as I remember my father closing my mother’s
I remember my father closing my mother’s
I remember my father closing my mother’s eyes and giving her a kiss on the
eyes and giving her a kiss on the
eyes and giving her a kiss on the forehead the next day the female family
forehead the next day the female family
forehead the next day the female family members including my sisters and I
members including my sisters and I
members including my sisters and I prepared my mother’s body for burial in
prepared my mother’s body for burial in
prepared my mother’s body for burial in accordance to our Islamic faith and the
accordance to our Islamic faith and the
accordance to our Islamic faith and the days and weeks that followed I was
days and weeks that followed I was
days and weeks that followed I was surrounded by family and loved ones and
surrounded by family and loved ones and
surrounded by family and loved ones and there was always something to do and
there was always something to do and
there was always something to do and someone to talk to but never a moment to
someone to talk to but never a moment to
someone to talk to but never a moment to fully process everything that was going
fully process everything that was going
fully process everything that was going on then the time came for me to come
on then the time came for me to come
on then the time came for me to come back to work so I got on a flight I
back to work so I got on a flight I
back to work so I got on a flight I found my seat and when I soon as I sat
found my seat and when I soon as I sat
found my seat and when I soon as I sat down tears uncontrollably started
down tears uncontrollably started
down tears uncontrollably started rolling down my face I tried everything
rolling down my face I tried everything
rolling down my face I tried everything to make it stop but nothing worked and
to make it stop but nothing worked and
to make it stop but nothing worked and so I thought to myself I’m just gonna
so I thought to myself I’m just gonna
so I thought to myself I’m just gonna let this be it’ll be okay then I started
let this be it’ll be okay then I started
let this be it’ll be okay then I started thinking about the future and these
thinking about the future and these
thinking about the future and these images started to come into my mind and
images started to come into my mind and
images started to come into my mind and in that moment I came to the realization
in that moment I came to the realization
in that moment I came to the realization that these images of weddings and
that these images of weddings and
that these images of weddings and celebrations and pregnancies and whatnot
celebrations and pregnancies and whatnot
celebrations and pregnancies and whatnot then now I’d have to remove my mother
then now I’d have to remove my mother
then now I’d have to remove my mother from all of those images needless to say
from all of those images needless to say
from all of those images needless to say that didn’t help with my tears and the
that didn’t help with my tears and the
that didn’t help with my tears and the woman sitting next to me on the plane
woman sitting next to me on the plane
woman sitting next to me on the plane was very
was very
was very very concerned so I finally came back
very concerned so I finally came back
very concerned so I finally came back and was alone for the first time in a
and was alone for the first time in a
and was alone for the first time in a while and all I can do was cry I never
while and all I can do was cry I never
while and all I can do was cry I never want to didn’t want to be around anyone
want to didn’t want to be around anyone
want to didn’t want to be around anyone I just wanted to be left alone and I
I just wanted to be left alone and I
I just wanted to be left alone and I just wanted to eventually stop crying
just wanted to eventually stop crying
just wanted to eventually stop crying and now it’s been months since my mother
and now it’s been months since my mother
and now it’s been months since my mother has passed and it feels like yesterday
has passed and it feels like yesterday
has passed and it feels like yesterday and a decade ago all at the same time I
and a decade ago all at the same time I
and a decade ago all at the same time I get moments where I’m driving to work or
get moments where I’m driving to work or
get moments where I’m driving to work or I’m in a meeting sending an email
I’m in a meeting sending an email
I’m in a meeting sending an email talking to a friend and tears just come
talking to a friend and tears just come
talking to a friend and tears just come to me and I don’t know what to do and
to me and I don’t know what to do and
to me and I don’t know what to do and for a while I thought something was
for a while I thought something was
for a while I thought something was wrong with me until very recently I
wrong with me until very recently I
wrong with me until very recently I couldn’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy
couldn’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy
couldn’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy because and I love that show because the
because and I love that show because the
because and I love that show because the sounds from the hospital machines would
sounds from the hospital machines would
sounds from the hospital machines would remind me so much and bring back the
remind me so much and bring back the
remind me so much and bring back the most vivid images of my mother’s final
most vivid images of my mother’s final
most vivid images of my mother’s final days and for a while
days and for a while
days and for a while shortly after my mom’s passing I
shortly after my mom’s passing I
shortly after my mom’s passing I couldn’t even talk to her sisters
couldn’t even talk to her sisters
couldn’t even talk to her sisters because their voices and their faces
because their voices and their faces
because their voices and their faces would remind me so much of my mom so
would remind me so much of my mom so
would remind me so much of my mom so when we don’t talk about grief we make
when we don’t talk about grief we make
when we don’t talk about grief we make it harder to grieve we make it so that
it harder to grieve we make it so that
it harder to grieve we make it so that people are forced to grieve in secret
people are forced to grieve in secret
people are forced to grieve in secret and are forced to be alone throughout
and are forced to be alone throughout
and are forced to be alone throughout this process grief isn’t something that
this process grief isn’t something that
this process grief isn’t something that you just get over it’s something that
you just get over it’s something that
you just get over it’s something that lives with you and sticks with you
lives with you and sticks with you
lives with you and sticks with you forever for the rest of your life I’m
forever for the rest of your life I’m
forever for the rest of your life I’m grateful for people in my life like a
grateful for people in my life like a
grateful for people in my life like a dear friend who shared her story of
dear friend who shared her story of
dear friend who shared her story of grief as she went through losing her mom
grief as she went through losing her mom
grief as she went through losing her mom as well and I’m grateful for the people
as well and I’m grateful for the people
as well and I’m grateful for the people in my life who were there for me when I
in my life who were there for me when I
in my life who were there for me when I needed them most like my cousin’s who
needed them most like my cousin’s who
needed them most like my cousin’s who dropped literally everything within me
dropped literally everything within me
dropped literally everything within me calling them and we’re on a plane with
calling them and we’re on a plane with
calling them and we’re on a plane with me within hours of getting that call and
me within hours of getting that call and
me within hours of getting that call and we’re there by my side when all of this
we’re there by my side when all of this
we’re there by my side when all of this was happening I’m grateful for my father
was happening I’m grateful for my father
was happening I’m grateful for my father and my sisters although we’re grieving
and my sisters although we’re grieving
and my sisters although we’re grieving in such different ways we continue to
in such different ways we continue to
in such different ways we continue to remind each other that we’re not going
remind each other that we’re not going
remind each other that we’re not going through this alone and that were there
through this alone and that were there
through this alone and that were there for each other but above all of that I’m
for each other but above all of that I’m
for each other but above all of that I’m grateful for my faith for
grateful for my faith for
grateful for my faith for keeping me grounded through one of the
keeping me grounded through one of the
keeping me grounded through one of the toughest storms that I’ve ever had to
toughest storms that I’ve ever had to
toughest storms that I’ve ever had to face in my life so far so if someone
face in my life so far so if someone
face in my life so far so if someone shares with you their story of grief
shares with you their story of grief
shares with you their story of grief pain loss I know it’s gonna be
pain loss I know it’s gonna be
pain loss I know it’s gonna be uncomfortable and I know you’re gonna
uncomfortable and I know you’re gonna
uncomfortable and I know you’re gonna want to feel something and you want to
want to feel something and you want to
want to feel something and you want to do something about it and make it better
do something about it and make it better
do something about it and make it better just bear witness to their grief and
just bear witness to their grief and
just bear witness to their grief and listen to them and let them know they’re
listen to them and let them know they’re
listen to them and let them know they’re not alone if you are someone who’s
not alone if you are someone who’s
not alone if you are someone who’s grieving and have gone through some pain
grieving and have gone through some pain
grieving and have gone through some pain and loss in your life when you’re ready
and loss in your life when you’re ready
and loss in your life when you’re ready and you’re comfortable enough share your
and you’re comfortable enough share your
and you’re comfortable enough share your story there are many people who wish
story there are many people who wish
story there are many people who wish that they heard from others who were
that they heard from others who were
that they heard from others who were going through the same process so I
going through the same process so I
going through the same process so I leave you with those two things listen
leave you with those two things listen
leave you with those two things listen to other people’s grief listen to their
to other people’s grief listen to their
to other people’s grief listen to their stories and share your stories about
stories and share your stories about
stories and share your stories about pain loss and grief so that no one is
pain loss and grief so that no one is
pain loss and grief so that no one is ever forced to grieve in silence and no
ever forced to grieve in silence and no
ever forced to grieve in silence and no one is ever forced to do this alone and
one is ever forced to do this alone and
one is ever forced to do this alone and that they have to do it in secret and
that they have to do it in secret and
that they have to do it in secret and grief is a normal part of life and so
grief is a normal part of life and so
grief is a normal part of life and so folks know that it’s a normal way to go
folks know that it’s a normal way to go
folks know that it’s a normal way to go through it thank you
through it thank you
through it thank you [Applause]
”
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