whoa hi let me tell you something in my 20s I had so much fun I’m not
in my 20s I had so much fun I’m not
in my 20s I had so much fun I’m not greedy brag on myself for a second but
greedy brag on myself for a second but
greedy brag on myself for a second but before I do I know you’re probably
before I do I know you’re probably
before I do I know you’re probably thinking right now like but he’s still
thinking right now like but he’s still
thinking right now like but he’s still in his 20s cuz that’s what you’re
in his 20s cuz that’s what you’re
in his 20s cuz that’s what you’re thinking
thinking
thinking okay so anyway in my 20s I had a lot of
okay so anyway in my 20s I had a lot of
okay so anyway in my 20s I had a lot of fun I was living in New York City and I
fun I was living in New York City and I
fun I was living in New York City and I had some of the best friends because
had some of the best friends because
had some of the best friends because they were extremely vibrant energetic
they were extremely vibrant energetic
they were extremely vibrant energetic they liked to drink and party so did I
they liked to drink and party so did I
they liked to drink and party so did I my early 20s did I’m early 20s and I
my early 20s did I’m early 20s and I
my early 20s did I’m early 20s and I also made a mistake though I was kind of
also made a mistake though I was kind of
also made a mistake though I was kind of added to the fun which is that I fell in
added to the fun which is that I fell in
added to the fun which is that I fell in love I fell like hardcore in love I fell
love I fell like hardcore in love I fell
love I fell like hardcore in love I fell in love with this guy who was from Paris
in love with this guy who was from Paris
in love with this guy who was from Paris and he was studying at NYU he was only
and he was studying at NYU he was only
and he was studying at NYU he was only there for a year and he was one of those
there for a year and he was one of those
there for a year and he was one of those like mushy types of people like kissing
like mushy types of people like kissing
like mushy types of people like kissing in public and you know making me laugh a
in public and you know making me laugh a
in public and you know making me laugh a lot and really energetic you know I mean
lot and really energetic you know I mean
lot and really energetic you know I mean I actually kind of felt like bad sex in
I actually kind of felt like bad sex in
I actually kind of felt like bad sex in a city character like that was that I
a city character like that was that I
a city character like that was that I forget what her name was but only in
forget what her name was but only in
forget what her name was but only in like the black gay version all right I
like the black gay version all right I
like the black gay version all right I was doing my thing I was having a blast
was doing my thing I was having a blast
was doing my thing I was having a blast I was full of life even a my healthiest
I was full of life even a my healthiest
I was full of life even a my healthiest too but then all of a sudden things
too but then all of a sudden things
too but then all of a sudden things changed very quickly I almost forgot and
changed very quickly I almost forgot and
changed very quickly I almost forgot and I think he forgot that he had to go back
I think he forgot that he had to go back
I think he forgot that he had to go back to Paris because he was only there for a
to Paris because he was only there for a
to Paris because he was only there for a year and forgot so much that I found
year and forgot so much that I found
year and forgot so much that I found myself in the middle of LaGuardia
myself in the middle of LaGuardia
myself in the middle of LaGuardia Airport in New York City crying because
Airport in New York City crying because
Airport in New York City crying because he was packing up to leave where he was
he was packing up to leave where he was
he was packing up to leave where he was leaving I mean crying like we cry like
leaving I mean crying like we cry like
leaving I mean crying like we cry like nasty snotty just really uncute losing
nasty snotty just really uncute losing
nasty snotty just really uncute losing control of my facial muscles crying in
control of my facial muscles crying in
control of my facial muscles crying in public because I don’t do that
public because I don’t do that
public because I don’t do that heartbroken just shattered the first
heartbroken just shattered the first
heartbroken just shattered the first time I fell in love and the first time
time I fell in love and the first time
time I fell in love and the first time I’ve gotten my heart broken so go back
I’ve gotten my heart broken so go back
I’ve gotten my heart broken so go back to the city he’s across the pond I’m
to the city he’s across the pond I’m
to the city he’s across the pond I’m living my life best I can
living my life best I can
living my life best I can moving forward
moving forward
moving forward and I’m walking down the street of New
and I’m walking down the street of New
and I’m walking down the street of New York City and all of a sudden I felt
York City and all of a sudden I felt
York City and all of a sudden I felt this huge like clutch in my chest and I
this huge like clutch in my chest and I
this huge like clutch in my chest and I ended up running to the emergency room
ended up running to the emergency room
ended up running to the emergency room and I get there and I discover by the
and I get there and I discover by the
and I get there and I discover by the doctors that my left lung had collapsed
doctors that my left lung had collapsed
doctors that my left lung had collapsed really like can you add any more to this
really like can you add any more to this
really like can you add any more to this so I get in like just bring it all on
so I get in like just bring it all on
so I get in like just bring it all on universe clearly I got my heart broken
universe clearly I got my heart broken
universe clearly I got my heart broken just take my lung – it was on the left
just take my lung – it was on the left
just take my lung – it was on the left side right next to my heart so I’m in
side right next to my heart so I’m in
side right next to my heart so I’m in the I’m prepping for surgery my mom is
the I’m prepping for surgery my mom is
the I’m prepping for surgery my mom is calling cuz she’s like my mom by the way
calling cuz she’s like my mom by the way
calling cuz she’s like my mom by the way is my BFF she is but she’s a mom oh and
is my BFF she is but she’s a mom oh and
is my BFF she is but she’s a mom oh and she flew to New York City to be by beam
she flew to New York City to be by beam
she flew to New York City to be by beam on my side and I woke up and I was still
on my side and I woke up and I was still
on my side and I woke up and I was still heavily medicated like really super high
heavily medicated like really super high
heavily medicated like really super high and my mother looks at me and she said
and my mother looks at me and she said
and my mother looks at me and she said Jason this is what we’re gonna do we’re
Jason this is what we’re gonna do we’re
Jason this is what we’re gonna do we’re gonna take you home I’m bringing you to
gonna take you home I’m bringing you to
gonna take you home I’m bringing you to Minneapolis with me well mom had been
Minneapolis with me well mom had been
Minneapolis with me well mom had been living in Minneapolis for a while
living in Minneapolis for a while
living in Minneapolis for a while and I was really high mind you and I
and I was really high mind you and I
and I was really high mind you and I said okay now when I was living in New
said okay now when I was living in New
said okay now when I was living in New York City and partying having fun and
York City and partying having fun and
York City and partying having fun and being in love being free in my mind I
being in love being free in my mind I
being in love being free in my mind I had really really really wanted to
had really really really wanted to
had really really really wanted to finish college because I hadn’t finished
finish college because I hadn’t finished
finish college because I hadn’t finished yet and I thought that maybe I would
yet and I thought that maybe I would
yet and I thought that maybe I would move to a new city at some point and get
move to a new city at some point and get
move to a new city at some point and get it together but it took a heartbreak and
it together but it took a heartbreak and
it together but it took a heartbreak and a collapsed lung to get oh and being
a collapsed lung to get oh and being
a collapsed lung to get oh and being high and my mom all those things to get
high and my mom all those things to get
high and my mom all those things to get me to leave and come to Minneapolis or
me to leave and come to Minneapolis or
me to leave and come to Minneapolis or come to Minnesota the Midwest so we come
come to Minnesota the Midwest so we come
come to Minnesota the Midwest so we come to Minneapolis I stay with my mom for a
to Minneapolis I stay with my mom for a
to Minneapolis I stay with my mom for a month and my stepfather and I cannot
month and my stepfather and I cannot
month and my stepfather and I cannot live with them more than like six or
live with them more than like six or
live with them more than like six or seven days so about time I was healed I
seven days so about time I was healed I
seven days so about time I was healed I got an apartment downtown in Minneapolis
got an apartment downtown in Minneapolis
got an apartment downtown in Minneapolis and then it all sunk in my life in New
and then it all sunk in my life in New
and then it all sunk in my life in New York City and the fun and the fierceness
York City and the fun and the fierceness
York City and the fun and the fierceness and all that was kind of over and I’m
and all that was kind of over and I’m
and all that was kind of over and I’m here in Minnesota and I don’t even think
here in Minnesota and I don’t even think
here in Minnesota and I don’t even think in my head I could actually visualize at
in my head I could actually visualize at
in my head I could actually visualize at this point
this point
this point I mean maybe my education wasn’t that
I mean maybe my education wasn’t that
I mean maybe my education wasn’t that great I don’t know but I didn’t know
great I don’t know but I didn’t know
great I don’t know but I didn’t know where Minnesota where was on the map
where Minnesota where was on the map
where Minnesota where was on the map exactly socially was very very weird
exactly socially was very very weird
exactly socially was very very weird walking around the city people walk way
walking around the city people walk way
walking around the city people walk way too slow for me people often times and
too slow for me people often times and
too slow for me people often times and my social circles are really quiet or
my social circles are really quiet or
my social circles are really quiet or very very stoic I think of myself as a
very very stoic I think of myself as a
very very stoic I think of myself as a very expressive person and so people
very expressive person and so people
very expressive person and so people looking at me like children of the corn
looking at me like children of the corn
looking at me like children of the corn I’m like well what do you think about me
I’m like well what do you think about me
I’m like well what do you think about me I have no idea what’s going on and then
I have no idea what’s going on and then
I have no idea what’s going on and then to top it all off I’m walking around my
to top it all off I’m walking around my
to top it all off I’m walking around my little area in Minneapolis and I’m like
little area in Minneapolis and I’m like
little area in Minneapolis and I’m like where are the black people at here I
where are the black people at here I
where are the black people at here I mean it literally snowed here like not
mean it literally snowed here like not
mean it literally snowed here like not just participation and frozen rain but
just participation and frozen rain but
just participation and frozen rain but it’s snow like the word what do you keep
it’s snow like the word what do you keep
it’s snow like the word what do you keep black people in this town like searching
black people in this town like searching
black people in this town like searching for them I laugh about that but I was
for them I laugh about that but I was
for them I laugh about that but I was also really experiencing heavy bouts of
also really experiencing heavy bouts of
also really experiencing heavy bouts of depression and severe anxiety to the
depression and severe anxiety to the
depression and severe anxiety to the point where I was in my one-room
point where I was in my one-room
point where I was in my one-room apartment downtown
apartment downtown
apartment downtown and I thought for a moment it’s like I
and I thought for a moment it’s like I
and I thought for a moment it’s like I don’t need to be here anymore
don’t need to be here anymore
don’t need to be here anymore my entire existence and and having fun
my entire existence and and having fun
my entire existence and and having fun in New York City was over now I’m here
in New York City was over now I’m here
in New York City was over now I’m here in the tundra and on the Prairie and I’m
in the tundra and on the Prairie and I’m
in the tundra and on the Prairie and I’m lost so in my belly aching I emailed a
lost so in my belly aching I emailed a
lost so in my belly aching I emailed a friend I actually went on to social
friend I actually went on to social
friend I actually went on to social media
media
media it was myspace for some of the newer
it was myspace for some of the newer
it was myspace for some of the newer Millennials just came before the
Millennials just came before the
Millennials just came before the Facebook and I get on this little
Facebook and I get on this little
Facebook and I get on this little messenger and I write to my friend oh I
messenger and I write to my friend oh I
messenger and I write to my friend oh I hate Minneapolis too many white people
hate Minneapolis too many white people
hate Minneapolis too many white people here and I’m depressed and I I miss New
here and I’m depressed and I I miss New
here and I’m depressed and I I miss New York and I miss you I miss my friends
York and I miss you I miss my friends
York and I miss you I miss my friends and the person who I was emailing her
and the person who I was emailing her
and the person who I was emailing her name is Jessie and I think of her as my
name is Jessie and I think of her as my
name is Jessie and I think of her as my Columbian Queen she’s fierce she’s
Columbian Queen she’s fierce she’s
Columbian Queen she’s fierce she’s phenomenal she’s always that person who
phenomenal she’s always that person who
phenomenal she’s always that person who I asked advice or when I was going
I asked advice or when I was going
I asked advice or when I was going through something she was my go-to
through something she was my go-to
through something she was my go-to person and I emailed her with my
person and I emailed her with my
person and I emailed her with my complaints and I’m hating life I mean I
complaints and I’m hating life I mean I
complaints and I’m hating life I mean I was just coming back to New York City
was just coming back to New York City
was just coming back to New York City and she said an email very short and
and she said an email very short and
and she said an email very short and simple bloom where you were planted know
simple bloom where you were planted know
simple bloom where you were planted know was that and I read it in my depression
was that and I read it in my depression
was that and I read it in my depression and heartache and living here in this
and heartache and living here in this
and heartache and living here in this new bizarre city and knowing me the time
new bizarre city and knowing me the time
new bizarre city and knowing me the time I was probably like what the hell is
I was probably like what the hell is
I was probably like what the hell is that supposed to mean and you know
that supposed to mean and you know
that supposed to mean and you know Jessie I don’t like like nature and play
Jessie I don’t like like nature and play
Jessie I don’t like like nature and play it’s not for me like this metaphor it’s
it’s not for me like this metaphor it’s
it’s not for me like this metaphor it’s not working and so in my response I
not working and so in my response I
not working and so in my response I remember I actually wrote thanks by and
remember I actually wrote thanks by and
remember I actually wrote thanks by and moved on and then about a month later I
moved on and then about a month later I
moved on and then about a month later I couldn’t get this visual out of my head
couldn’t get this visual out of my head
couldn’t get this visual out of my head this like little like sunflower growing
this like little like sunflower growing
this like little like sunflower growing out of a crack one kind of concrete I
out of a crack one kind of concrete I
out of a crack one kind of concrete I was thinking about this bloom where
was thinking about this bloom where
was thinking about this bloom where you’re planted and I tried to ignore it
you’re planted and I tried to ignore it
you’re planted and I tried to ignore it and then as I apply for college here and
and then as I apply for college here and
and then as I apply for college here and trying to kind of keep it moving I
trying to kind of keep it moving I
trying to kind of keep it moving I started inquiring about what was the
started inquiring about what was the
started inquiring about what was the city I was living in what is this all
city I was living in what is this all
city I was living in what is this all about and what is it that I want in that
about and what is it that I want in that
about and what is it that I want in that moment asking questions of people about
moment asking questions of people about
moment asking questions of people about were a black people where else should be
were a black people where else should be
were a black people where else should be tea people where why are people so
tea people where why are people so
tea people where why are people so bizarre here asking questions I didn’t
bizarre here asking questions I didn’t
bizarre here asking questions I didn’t realize it until more so now I was
realize it until more so now I was
realize it until more so now I was actually planting a seed I was planting
actually planting a seed I was planting
actually planting a seed I was planting a seed for digging into the community
a seed for digging into the community
a seed for digging into the community that I am now a part of when I started
that I am now a part of when I started
that I am now a part of when I started to inquire about where people are what
to inquire about where people are what
to inquire about where people are what are people doing and eventually I got
are people doing and eventually I got
are people doing and eventually I got responses I started to learn that there
responses I started to learn that there
responses I started to learn that there were a lot of intelligent amazing social
were a lot of intelligent amazing social
were a lot of intelligent amazing social justice advocates in this community a
justice advocates in this community a
justice advocates in this community a lot of intelligent black people this
lot of intelligent black people this
lot of intelligent black people this community a lot of queer black people in
community a lot of queer black people in
community a lot of queer black people in this community that I couldn’t literally
this community that I couldn’t literally
this community that I couldn’t literally see for all the snow they were there and
see for all the snow they were there and
see for all the snow they were there and when I asked questions I got involved it
when I asked questions I got involved it
when I asked questions I got involved it started connecting next thing you know I
started connecting next thing you know I
started connecting next thing you know I found myself doing community organizing
found myself doing community organizing
found myself doing community organizing with twin cities black pride I met Harry
with twin cities black pride I met Harry
with twin cities black pride I met Harry waters Jr who is a faculty member he
waters Jr who is a faculty member he
waters Jr who is a faculty member he area McAllister I met people who are my
area McAllister I met people who are my
area McAllister I met people who are my best friends to this day
best friends to this day
best friends to this day because what I was starting to do was
because what I was starting to do was
because what I was starting to do was ask questions and this is the hardest
ask questions and this is the hardest
ask questions and this is the hardest part I ask questions without trying to
part I ask questions without trying to
part I ask questions without trying to not pass judgment because the more and
not pass judgment because the more and
not pass judgment because the more and more I pass judgment the more and more I
more I pass judgment the more and more I
more I pass judgment the more and more I sunk into depression the more more sunk
sunk into depression the more more sunk
sunk into depression the more more sunk into the feeling of frustration living
into the feeling of frustration living
into the feeling of frustration living in the Twin Cities and it was actually
in the Twin Cities and it was actually
in the Twin Cities and it was actually stifling my ability to wait for it to
stifling my ability to wait for it to
stifling my ability to wait for it to grow
from that point on I dug deep in my
from that point on I dug deep in my heels I dug my heels deep into school I
heels I dug my heels deep into school I
heels I dug my heels deep into school I dug my heels deep into learning more
dug my heels deep into learning more
dug my heels deep into learning more about what this was this community was
about what this was this community was
about what this was this community was all about and then I started asking
all about and then I started asking
all about and then I started asking myself a question what power do I have
myself a question what power do I have
myself a question what power do I have little old black kids from the south
little old black kids from the south
little old black kids from the south with an attitude a little feminine
with an attitude a little feminine
with an attitude a little feminine little neurotic what power do I have I’m
little neurotic what power do I have I’m
little neurotic what power do I have I’m loud I am angry enough to actually make
loud I am angry enough to actually make
loud I am angry enough to actually make some kind of change I’m persistent
some kind of change I’m persistent
some kind of change I’m persistent and I think usually and I’ve been told
and I think usually and I’ve been told
and I think usually and I’ve been told I’m pretty influential so I was at the
I’m pretty influential so I was at the
I’m pretty influential so I was at the University of Minnesota and I was
University of Minnesota and I was
University of Minnesota and I was complaining about not having space now
complaining about not having space now
complaining about not having space now for LGBT people of color and other
for LGBT people of color and other
for LGBT people of color and other students were too and I said to hell
students were too and I said to hell
students were too and I said to hell with it we’re gonna do it and we’re
with it we’re gonna do it and we’re
with it we’re gonna do it and we’re gonna do it here at the University we’re
gonna do it here at the University we’re
gonna do it here at the University we’re not gonna ask permission and we’re gonna
not gonna ask permission and we’re gonna
not gonna ask permission and we’re gonna take up space that group that started or
take up space that group that started or
take up space that group that started or co-founded with some other students at
co-founded with some other students at
co-founded with some other students at the U is still there after eight years
the U is still there after eight years
the U is still there after eight years going strong and serving people of color
going strong and serving people of color
going strong and serving people of color I also fell in love again because I had
I also fell in love again because I had
I also fell in love again because I had opened myself back up and it wasn’t
opened myself back up and it wasn’t
opened myself back up and it wasn’t blocking my ability to grow so from that
blocking my ability to grow so from that
blocking my ability to grow so from that moment on I started to see myself what
moment on I started to see myself what
moment on I started to see myself what potential I had and again going back to
potential I had and again going back to
potential I had and again going back to boom where you were planted as much as I
boom where you were planted as much as I
boom where you were planted as much as I ignored that quote because of his nature
ignored that quote because of his nature
ignored that quote because of his nature and its happiness I wasn’t really feelin
and its happiness I wasn’t really feelin
and its happiness I wasn’t really feelin if I actually stopped long enough and
if I actually stopped long enough and
if I actually stopped long enough and look around in my surroundings and
look around in my surroundings and
look around in my surroundings and assess the power that I have I had the I
assess the power that I have I had the I
assess the power that I have I had the I had more control and more power than I
had more control and more power than I
had more control and more power than I gave myself credit for
gave myself credit for
gave myself credit for now this host talk I’m doing right now
now this host talk I’m doing right now
now this host talk I’m doing right now it is not like a pull yourself up by
it is not like a pull yourself up by
it is not like a pull yourself up by your bootstraps talk because like I said
your bootstraps talk because like I said
your bootstraps talk because like I said before I experienced a lot of mental
before I experienced a lot of mental
before I experienced a lot of mental health issues I experienced a lot of
health issues I experienced a lot of
health issues I experienced a lot of pain and I’m a black queer kid in the
pain and I’m a black queer kid in the
pain and I’m a black queer kid in the Midwest so
Midwest so
Midwest so tell you something but this story is
tell you something but this story is
tell you something but this story is more about what do we do and where do we
more about what do we do and where do we
more about what do we do and where do we go back to when we forget what power
go back to when we forget what power
go back to when we forget what power that we actually do have bloom where
that we actually do have bloom where
that we actually do have bloom where you’re planted is not a story or not a
you’re planted is not a story or not a
you’re planted is not a story or not a statement of being complete it is a
statement of being complete it is a
statement of being complete it is a story of continuous growth so I am still
story of continuous growth so I am still
story of continuous growth so I am still blooming every single day as I move
blooming every single day as I move
blooming every single day as I move through this world and I do hope that no
through this world and I do hope that no
through this world and I do hope that no matter where you are no matter where you
matter where you are no matter where you
matter where you are no matter where you find yourself and MacAllister on campus
find yourself and MacAllister on campus
find yourself and MacAllister on campus off campus that you continue to assess
off campus that you continue to assess
off campus that you continue to assess the power that you have take advice from
the power that you have take advice from
the power that you have take advice from those who are giving it to you and bloom
those who are giving it to you and bloom
those who are giving it to you and bloom where you are planted thank you for
where you are planted thank you for
where you are planted thank you for listening
listening
listening [Applause]
”
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