so I am at my mother’s house in Los Angeles and I have gone to visit her
Angeles and I have gone to visit her
Angeles and I have gone to visit her because her husband of the past 20 years
because her husband of the past 20 years
because her husband of the past 20 years has just died after a five-year battle
has just died after a five-year battle
has just died after a five-year battle with Lou Gehrig’s disease
with Lou Gehrig’s disease
with Lou Gehrig’s disease and I’m sleeping upstairs in the bedroom
and I’m sleeping upstairs in the bedroom
and I’m sleeping upstairs in the bedroom I grew up in it’s early in the morning
I grew up in it’s early in the morning
I grew up in it’s early in the morning the phone rings and I’ve been in a as
the phone rings and I’ve been in a as
the phone rings and I’ve been in a as you can imagine a very deep and
you can imagine a very deep and
you can imagine a very deep and disturbed sleep and it phone rings and
disturbed sleep and it phone rings and
disturbed sleep and it phone rings and it’s my stepmother and she says hi hi
it’s my stepmother and she says hi hi
it’s my stepmother and she says hi hi Karen it’s Anne and I said and hi what’s
Karen it’s Anne and I said and hi what’s
Karen it’s Anne and I said and hi what’s going on because she knows I’m there to
going on because she knows I’m there to
going on because she knows I’m there to be with my mom she says well it’s your
be with my mom she says well it’s your
be with my mom she says well it’s your father and I said well what’s what’s
father and I said well what’s what’s
father and I said well what’s what’s going on with my father and she says I’m
going on with my father and she says I’m
going on with my father and she says I’m at the hospital with him I said Anne
at the hospital with him I said Anne
at the hospital with him I said Anne what’s what’s happened why are you at
what’s what’s happened why are you at
what’s what’s happened why are you at the hospital with my father well he was
the hospital with my father well he was
the hospital with my father well he was sitting at the dining room table at the
sitting at the dining room table at the
sitting at the dining room table at the breakfast table and I heard a thump and
breakfast table and I heard a thump and
breakfast table and I heard a thump and I came in and he was slumped over the
I came in and he was slumped over the
I came in and he was slumped over the table and I said Anne is he what’s going
table and I said Anne is he what’s going
table and I said Anne is he what’s going on is he okay
on is he okay
on is he okay she says well I’m at the hospital and
she says well I’m at the hospital and
she says well I’m at the hospital and I’m sitting by his bed and I’m holding
I’m sitting by his bed and I’m holding
I’m sitting by his bed and I’m holding his hand now my stepmother is a very
his hand now my stepmother is a very
his hand now my stepmother is a very warm and emotional person so the fact
warm and emotional person so the fact
warm and emotional person so the fact that she’s telling me all this in a very
that she’s telling me all this in a very
that she’s telling me all this in a very flat even tone is really starting to
flat even tone is really starting to
flat even tone is really starting to concern and worry me and I said Anne is
concern and worry me and I said Anne is
concern and worry me and I said Anne is is my father awake not exactly well is
is my father awake not exactly well is
is my father awake not exactly well is he in a coma
he in a coma
he in a coma not exactly is he is the asleep and
not exactly is he is the asleep and
not exactly is he is the asleep and today do they have him on medications
today do they have him on medications
today do they have him on medications not exactly and what pops into my mind
not exactly and what pops into my mind
not exactly and what pops into my mind at this moment is an episode of Curb
at this moment is an episode of Curb
at this moment is an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm the show starring the
Your Enthusiasm the show starring the
Your Enthusiasm the show starring the comedian Larry David and there’s this
comedian Larry David and there’s this
comedian Larry David and there’s this episode on Curb Your Enthusiasm where
episode on Curb Your Enthusiasm where
episode on Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David flies home from New York to
Larry David flies home from New York to
Larry David flies home from New York to LA to see his father and he he goes to
LA to see his father and he he goes to
LA to see his father and he he goes to see his dad and he’s starting to ask his
see his dad and he’s starting to ask his
see his dad and he’s starting to ask his dad questions in this particular episode
dad questions in this particular episode
dad questions in this particular episode about how his mom is feeling cuz his mom
about how his mom is feeling cuz his mom
about how his mom is feeling cuz his mom hasn’t been well and the answer is that
hasn’t been well and the answer is that
hasn’t been well and the answer is that Larry David’s father are giving are so
Larry David’s father are giving are so
Larry David’s father are giving are so vague that it prompts Larry David to
vague that it prompts Larry David to
vague that it prompts Larry David to finally look at his father and go dad
finally look at his father and go dad
finally look at his father and go dad his mom dead – which the father goes
his mom dead – which the father goes
his mom dead – which the father goes yeah kind of
yeah kind of
yeah kind of and Larry David says well why didn’t you
and Larry David says well why didn’t you
and Larry David says well why didn’t you tell me why didn’t you call me and tell
tell me why didn’t you call me and tell
tell me why didn’t you call me and tell me and his father says you know we
me and his father says you know we
me and his father says you know we didn’t want to bother you I didn’t want
didn’t want to bother you I didn’t want
didn’t want to bother you I didn’t want to bother you and this is what is going
to bother you and this is what is going
to bother you and this is what is going through my mind as my stepmother is
through my mind as my stepmother is
through my mind as my stepmother is talking and I’m thinking is this life
talking and I’m thinking is this life
talking and I’m thinking is this life imitating art and I say Ann let me ask
imitating art and I say Ann let me ask
imitating art and I say Ann let me ask you a question is my father dead and she
you a question is my father dead and she
you a question is my father dead and she says yes and at this point I don’t know
says yes and at this point I don’t know
says yes and at this point I don’t know whether to laugh or cry because on one
whether to laugh or cry because on one
whether to laugh or cry because on one hand I feel like I’m in this absurd
hand I feel like I’m in this absurd
hand I feel like I’m in this absurd example of you know this absurd story in
example of you know this absurd story in
example of you know this absurd story in a comedy on Curb Your Enthusiasm but on
a comedy on Curb Your Enthusiasm but on
a comedy on Curb Your Enthusiasm but on the other hand my father who is someone
the other hand my father who is someone
the other hand my father who is someone that I really really adored and loved is
that I really really adored and loved is
that I really really adored and loved is dead I’m no longer my father’s daughter
dead I’m no longer my father’s daughter
dead I’m no longer my father’s daughter and this plunges me into a really deep
and this plunges me into a really deep
and this plunges me into a really deep depression and a really deep experience
depression and a really deep experience
depression and a really deep experience of loss which I’m sure many people in
of loss which I’m sure many people in
of loss which I’m sure many people in here have had whether it’s through a
here have had whether it’s through a
here have had whether it’s through a parent dying or a friend dying or a life
parent dying or a friend dying or a life
parent dying or a friend dying or a life circumstance I think everyone in this
circumstance I think everyone in this
circumstance I think everyone in this room probably is familiar with that
room probably is familiar with that
room probably is familiar with that feeling whereas one of my friends puts
feeling whereas one of my friends puts
feeling whereas one of my friends puts it one day you have a life and then the
it one day you have a life and then the
it one day you have a life and then the next day you don’t and I also was really
next day you don’t and I also was really
next day you don’t and I also was really close to my father he had been an
close to my father he had been an
close to my father he had been an incredible support to me over the
incredible support to me over the
incredible support to me over the previous year where I’d had a lot of
previous year where I’d had a lot of
previous year where I’d had a lot of life changes including I’d left a
life changes including I’d left a
life changes including I’d left a marriage and gotten a divorce I’d moved
marriage and gotten a divorce I’d moved
marriage and gotten a divorce I’d moved from California to New York I’d been
from California to New York I’d been
from California to New York I’d been through a lot of serious life changes
through a lot of serious life changes
through a lot of serious life changes and my dad had really been a huge
and my dad had really been a huge
and my dad had really been a huge support for me my father was a great
support for me my father was a great
support for me my father was a great source of wisdom except for um when I
source of wisdom except for um when I
source of wisdom except for um when I was in college I was a musical theater
was in college I was a musical theater
was in college I was a musical theater major and my father took me to lunch one
major and my father took me to lunch one
major and my father took me to lunch one day and he said you know honey I want to
day and he said you know honey I want to
day and he said you know honey I want to talk to you he said I don’t really think
talk to you he said I don’t really think
talk to you he said I don’t really think musical theater is a good major for you
musical theater is a good major for you
musical theater is a good major for you I said well dad why not he goes well
I said well dad why not he goes well
I said well dad why not he goes well first of all it’s hard to be an actor
first of all it’s hard to be an actor
first of all it’s hard to be an actor but it’s really hard to be a singing and
but it’s really hard to be a singing and
but it’s really hard to be a singing and dancing actor it’s hard to make your
dancing actor it’s hard to make your
dancing actor it’s hard to make your living like that he said I think what
living like that he said I think what
living like that he said I think what you should do is switch your major and
you should do is switch your major and
you should do is switch your major and study astronomy and I go you mean where
study astronomy and I go you mean where
study astronomy and I go you mean where I talk about the difference between a
I talk about the difference between a
I talk about the difference between a Libra and a Capricorn he goes no not
Libra and a Capricorn he goes no not
Libra and a Capricorn he goes no not astrology astronomy is it dad the fact
astrology astronomy is it dad the fact
astrology astronomy is it dad the fact that I even asked you that question
that I even asked you that question
that I even asked you that question should tell you that is not a good
should tell you that is not a good
should tell you that is not a good choice for me
choice for me
choice for me but I don’t have know anything about I
but I don’t have know anything about I
but I don’t have know anything about I have no interest in it I don’t think I
have no interest in it I don’t think I
have no interest in it I don’t think I have any aptitude for it and of course I
have any aptitude for it and of course I
have any aptitude for it and of course I didn’t listen to my father but I really
didn’t listen to my father but I really
didn’t listen to my father but I really missed him because that’s who my father
missed him because that’s who my father
missed him because that’s who my father was for me in my life and what happened
was for me in my life and what happened
was for me in my life and what happened was because of all these life
was because of all these life
was because of all these life circumstances I really found myself in
circumstances I really found myself in
circumstances I really found myself in this place where I was not only
this place where I was not only
this place where I was not only depressed for the first time in my life
depressed for the first time in my life
depressed for the first time in my life really depressed but I was also had a
really depressed but I was also had a
really depressed but I was also had a sense of it’s like I was drowning I had
sense of it’s like I was drowning I had
sense of it’s like I was drowning I had a sense of deep vulnerability that I
a sense of deep vulnerability that I
a sense of deep vulnerability that I hadn’t had before that’s the bad news
hadn’t had before that’s the bad news
hadn’t had before that’s the bad news the good news is that that experience
the good news is that that experience
the good news is that that experience really led me to understand and realize
really led me to understand and realize
really led me to understand and realize that I was living in something that I
that I was living in something that I
that I was living in something that I now call the contribution gap and the
now call the contribution gap and the
now call the contribution gap and the contribution gap was this idea is this
contribution gap was this idea is this
contribution gap was this idea is this idea that there’s this disparity
idea that there’s this disparity
idea that there’s this disparity sometimes between who we really are what
sometimes between who we really are what
sometimes between who we really are what I call it in my work is our personal
I call it in my work is our personal
I call it in my work is our personal brand who we really are and the most
brand who we really are and the most
brand who we really are and the most authentic contribution that we have to
authentic contribution that we have to
authentic contribution that we have to make in the world and this experience of
make in the world and this experience of
make in the world and this experience of my father dying plus these other things
my father dying plus these other things
my father dying plus these other things that had happened over the past year
that had happened over the past year
that had happened over the past year really thrust me very deeply into this
really thrust me very deeply into this
really thrust me very deeply into this gap and one of the things that I
gap and one of the things that I
gap and one of the things that I discovered was that I was living in a
discovered was that I was living in a
discovered was that I was living in a script not of my own making I was living
script not of my own making I was living
script not of my own making I was living in this script of expectations since
in this script of expectations since
in this script of expectations since college in fact you go to school you
college in fact you go to school you
college in fact you go to school you pick a major you get married you start a
pick a major you get married you start a
pick a major you get married you start a career you buy a house etc and what I
career you buy a house etc and what I
career you buy a house etc and what I realized was that at this time in my
realized was that at this time in my
realized was that at this time in my life the script was failing me there was
life the script was failing me there was
life the script was failing me there was this huge gap between the contribution I
this huge gap between the contribution I
this huge gap between the contribution I wanted to make and who I wanted to be
wanted to make and who I wanted to be
wanted to make and who I wanted to be and where I found myself in my life and
and where I found myself in my life and
and where I found myself in my life and so I went on a two-year research project
so I went on a two-year research project
so I went on a two-year research project and I talked to hundreds and hundreds of
and I talked to hundreds and hundreds of
and I talked to hundreds and hundreds of people and I read lots of material and I
people and I read lots of material and I
people and I read lots of material and I did lots of research with my clients to
did lots of research with my clients to
did lots of research with my clients to find out how is it that we bridge that
find out how is it that we bridge that
find out how is it that we bridge that gap how is it that we find out where to
gap how is it that we find out where to
gap how is it that we find out where to get to at the heart of our real truest
get to at the heart of our real truest
get to at the heart of our real truest contribution is and that’s what I want
contribution is and that’s what I want
contribution is and that’s what I want to share with you today is what I’ve
to share with you today is what I’ve
to share with you today is what I’ve learned about how we bridge that gap and
learned about how we bridge that gap and
learned about how we bridge that gap and I found that there were two things two
I found that there were two things two
I found that there were two things two myths that are pervasive and persistent
myths that are pervasive and persistent
myths that are pervasive and persistent in our society that in part have a lot
in our society that in part have a lot
in our society that in part have a lot to do with that contribution gap and the
to do with that contribution gap and the
to do with that contribution gap and the first myth is the myth of what I call
first myth is the myth of what I call
first myth is the myth of what I call the iambs
the iambs
the iambs so if you go to a party
so if you go to a party
so if you go to a party or if you go to a conference of people
or if you go to a conference of people
or if you go to a conference of people of course say what do you do then it’s
of course say what do you do then it’s
of course say what do you do then it’s often the answers to that is where our I
often the answers to that is where our I
often the answers to that is where our I am czar you can think about what these
am czar you can think about what these
am czar you can think about what these are for yourself and they’re not just
are for yourself and they’re not just
are for yourself and they’re not just limited by the way to professional
limited by the way to professional
limited by the way to professional things so often when you say to people
things so often when you say to people
things so often when you say to people what are your IMS they will say things
what are your IMS they will say things
what are your IMS they will say things like well I’m a doctor or I’m a lawyer
like well I’m a doctor or I’m a lawyer
like well I’m a doctor or I’m a lawyer or I’m a student or I’m a mother or I’m
or I’m a student or I’m a mother or I’m
or I’m a student or I’m a mother or I’m a wife or I’m a professor or I am a
a wife or I’m a professor or I am a
a wife or I’m a professor or I am a lover of all things dark chocolate that
lover of all things dark chocolate that
lover of all things dark chocolate that one would be me the other myth that I
one would be me the other myth that I
one would be me the other myth that I found is the myth of knowledge and
found is the myth of knowledge and
found is the myth of knowledge and results thinking that the knowledge we
results thinking that the knowledge we
results thinking that the knowledge we have and the results that we produce
have and the results that we produce
have and the results that we produce with that knowledge are in fact our
with that knowledge are in fact our
with that knowledge are in fact our contribution it’s what the playwright
contribution it’s what the playwright
contribution it’s what the playwright Gretchen Cryer calls the worlds we know
Gretchen Cryer calls the worlds we know
Gretchen Cryer calls the worlds we know that our knowledge is composed of many
that our knowledge is composed of many
that our knowledge is composed of many of these worlds that we know so again I
of these worlds that we know so again I
of these worlds that we know so again I asked some of my clients and friends
asked some of my clients and friends
asked some of my clients and friends well what are the worlds you know not
well what are the worlds you know not
well what are the worlds you know not just in business but the the worlds in
just in business but the the worlds in
just in business but the the worlds in general and some of the answers I got
general and some of the answers I got
general and some of the answers I got were I know the world of journalism I
were I know the world of journalism I
were I know the world of journalism I know the world of being married I know
know the world of being married I know
know the world of being married I know the world of being divorced I know the
the world of being divorced I know the
the world of being divorced I know the world of Paris I know the world of India
world of Paris I know the world of India
world of Paris I know the world of India I know the world of surfing I know the
I know the world of surfing I know the
I know the world of surfing I know the world of photography and for a not an
world of photography and for a not an
world of photography and for a not an insubstantial number of people the
insubstantial number of people the
insubstantial number of people the answer was I know the world of watching
answer was I know the world of watching
answer was I know the world of watching season six of Game of Thrones twice and
season six of Game of Thrones twice and
season six of Game of Thrones twice and I was one of those people by the way but
I was one of those people by the way but
I was one of those people by the way but don’t judge me for that so these two
don’t judge me for that so these two
don’t judge me for that so these two myths really are pervasive and they tend
myths really are pervasive and they tend
myths really are pervasive and they tend to impact and influence this
to impact and influence this
to impact and influence this contribution gap we have so what’s the
contribution gap we have so what’s the
contribution gap we have so what’s the solution well one of the things that I
solution well one of the things that I
solution well one of the things that I found in the work that I’ve done with
found in the work that I’ve done with
found in the work that I’ve done with CEOs and executives and students and
CEOs and executives and students and
CEOs and executives and students and housewives really with almost everyone
housewives really with almost everyone
housewives really with almost everyone is that one of the ways to bridge that
is that one of the ways to bridge that
is that one of the ways to bridge that gap that contribution gap and one of the
gap that contribution gap and one of the
gap that contribution gap and one of the ways to fight those myths is really to
ways to fight those myths is really to
ways to fight those myths is really to understand what’s the weather that you
understand what’s the weather that you
understand what’s the weather that you bring with you and here’s what I mean by
bring with you and here’s what I mean by
bring with you and here’s what I mean by that I mean what is that unique feeling
that I mean what is that unique feeling
that I mean what is that unique feeling and contribution and energy and passion
and contribution and energy and passion
and contribution and energy and passion that you have that you can often look
that you have that you can often look
that you have that you can often look back to when you were a kid and see that
back to when you were a kid and see that
back to when you were a kid and see that you have it even as a kid what is that
you have it even as a kid what is that
you have it even as a kid what is that and where do you bring it almost any
and where do you bring it almost any
and where do you bring it almost any circumstance
circumstance
circumstance so a few months ago I’m walking in
so a few months ago I’m walking in
so a few months ago I’m walking in downtown Manhattan and I went with a
downtown Manhattan and I went with a
downtown Manhattan and I went with a friend and we run across this woman and
friend and we run across this woman and
friend and we run across this woman and she is directing traffic but she isn’t
she is directing traffic but she isn’t
she is directing traffic but she isn’t just doing her job
just doing her job
just doing her job she is living her job I mean she is she
she is living her job I mean she is she
she is living her job I mean she is she is doing directing traffic like she is
is doing directing traffic like she is
is doing directing traffic like she is in a ballet at Lincoln Center she’s like
in a ballet at Lincoln Center she’s like
in a ballet at Lincoln Center she’s like okay you come on over here ladies cross
okay you come on over here ladies cross
okay you come on over here ladies cross the street come on sir you can do it go
the street come on sir you can do it go
the street come on sir you can do it go this way and literally we’re all
this way and literally we’re all
this way and literally we’re all standing on the street going like this
standing on the street going like this
standing on the street going like this because you know what it’s like and with
because you know what it’s like and with
because you know what it’s like and with all of our traffic cops do a very fine
all of our traffic cops do a very fine
all of our traffic cops do a very fine job but you know what it’s like many
job but you know what it’s like many
job but you know what it’s like many times you see a cop directing traffic
times you see a cop directing traffic
times you see a cop directing traffic specially in New York and it’s almost
specially in New York and it’s almost
specially in New York and it’s almost like their attitude is this would be a
like their attitude is this would be a
like their attitude is this would be a great job if it wasn’t for all those
great job if it wasn’t for all those
great job if it wasn’t for all those people driving a car you know they’re a
people driving a car you know they’re a
people driving a car you know they’re a little bit like come on sir don’t you
little bit like come on sir don’t you
little bit like come on sir don’t you know how this is supposed to work this
know how this is supposed to work this
know how this is supposed to work this woman was so the polar opposite now was
woman was so the polar opposite now was
woman was so the polar opposite now was it her knowledge that made the
it her knowledge that made the
it her knowledge that made the difference I’m sure she was very
difference I’m sure she was very
difference I’m sure she was very proficient in traffic laws I have no
proficient in traffic laws I have no
proficient in traffic laws I have no doubt about that but you know wasn’t her
doubt about that but you know wasn’t her
doubt about that but you know wasn’t her knowledge no was it her you know skill
knowledge no was it her you know skill
knowledge no was it her you know skill and ability to get people to move in the
and ability to get people to move in the
and ability to get people to move in the direction she needed them to move in no
direction she needed them to move in no
direction she needed them to move in no she was very proficient about that but
she was very proficient about that but
she was very proficient about that but it wasn’t that what it really was is it
it wasn’t that what it really was is it
it wasn’t that what it really was is it was the weather she was bringing with
was the weather she was bringing with
was the weather she was bringing with her it was who she was being that was
her it was who she was being that was
her it was who she was being that was having everyone stop and go Wow and
having everyone stop and go Wow and
having everyone stop and go Wow and people were honking and waving and it
people were honking and waving and it
people were honking and waving and it was this great example for me of that
was this great example for me of that
was this great example for me of that whether you bring with you and actually
whether you bring with you and actually
whether you bring with you and actually in the research that I did I found that
in the research that I did I found that
in the research that I did I found that there’s really 12 particular brand
there’s really 12 particular brand
there’s really 12 particular brand archetypes that we fall into in terms of
archetypes that we fall into in terms of
archetypes that we fall into in terms of the weather we bring with us and usually
the weather we bring with us and usually
the weather we bring with us and usually the heart or the root or the seat of our
the heart or the root or the seat of our
the heart or the root or the seat of our contribution is lodged in one or two of
contribution is lodged in one or two of
contribution is lodged in one or two of those main archetypes brand archetypes
those main archetypes brand archetypes
those main archetypes brand archetypes now I know I was talking to a roomful of
now I know I was talking to a roomful of
now I know I was talking to a roomful of overachievers so I’m certain there’s a
overachievers so I’m certain there’s a
overachievers so I’m certain there’s a lot of you going well I don’t want to be
lot of you going well I don’t want to be
lot of you going well I don’t want to be just limited to one or two I think I
just limited to one or two I think I
just limited to one or two I think I should be able to have at least 10 or 11
should be able to have at least 10 or 11
should be able to have at least 10 or 11 of the 12
of the 12
of the 12 and while we all have access to all of
and while we all have access to all of
and while we all have access to all of them the truth is is that in general
them the truth is is that in general
them the truth is is that in general there’s one or two that are usually at
there’s one or two that are usually at
there’s one or two that are usually at the heart at the center at the root of
the heart at the center at the root of
the heart at the center at the root of our contribution and knowing those is
our contribution and knowing those is
our contribution and knowing those is important and it’s important because one
important and it’s important because one
important and it’s important because one it allows us to ask for help when we
it allows us to ask for help when we
it allows us to ask for help when we need to have someone else work with us
need to have someone else work with us
need to have someone else work with us or be a partner with us in one of the
or be a partner with us in one of the
or be a partner with us in one of the areas that were not that strong and two
areas that were not that strong and two
areas that were not that strong and two it allows us to balance out as we move
it allows us to balance out as we move
it allows us to balance out as we move through life the people that we have as
through life the people that we have as
through life the people that we have as friends the people that we have in our
friends the people that we have in our
friends the people that we have in our teams the people that we interact with
teams the people that we interact with
teams the people that we interact with the people that we work with so I want
the people that we work with so I want
the people that we work with so I want to give you a sense very quickly of the
to give you a sense very quickly of the
to give you a sense very quickly of the twelve and the first one is the fixer
twelve and the first one is the fixer
twelve and the first one is the fixer you know this is the person you can
you know this is the person you can
you know this is the person you can count on they heal they restore they men
count on they heal they restore they men
count on they heal they restore they men this is the person that you send in to
this is the person that you send in to
this is the person that you send in to get things figured out and fixed out
get things figured out and fixed out
get things figured out and fixed out when you need to have it done and as I’m
when you need to have it done and as I’m
when you need to have it done and as I’m going through these really think about
going through these really think about
going through these really think about where you fit in but you’ll also
where you fit in but you’ll also
where you fit in but you’ll also probably start to think about people who
probably start to think about people who
probably start to think about people who you know and they’ll start to pop into
you know and they’ll start to pop into
you know and they’ll start to pop into your head the next is the facilitator
your head the next is the facilitator
your head the next is the facilitator you know these are the people that are
you know these are the people that are
you know these are the people that are have this great gift for moderating and
have this great gift for moderating and
have this great gift for moderating and mediating and being the go-between you
mediating and being the go-between you
mediating and being the go-between you know they’re the person you call when
know they’re the person you call when
know they’re the person you call when you need someone to sit down and get
you need someone to sit down and get
you need someone to sit down and get everybody going in the same direction
everybody going in the same direction
everybody going in the same direction when there’s a lot of disparity going on
when there’s a lot of disparity going on
when there’s a lot of disparity going on there’s the storytellers and these are
there’s the storytellers and these are
there’s the storytellers and these are the people who are our narrators and our
the people who are our narrators and our
the people who are our narrators and our actors and our minstrels and they can be
actors and our minstrels and they can be
actors and our minstrels and they can be storytelling and dance or in song or in
storytelling and dance or in song or in
storytelling and dance or in song or in writing or orally but they’re the people
writing or orally but they’re the people
writing or orally but they’re the people that really are the ones that bring
that really are the ones that bring
that really are the ones that bring forth this kind of storytelling there
forth this kind of storytelling there
forth this kind of storytelling there are the synthesizers these are the
are the synthesizers these are the
are the synthesizers these are the people who integrate and blend and
people who integrate and blend and
people who integrate and blend and produce they take all these different
produce they take all these different
produce they take all these different elements and they manage to put them in
elements and they manage to put them in
elements and they manage to put them in together in a way where something
together in a way where something
together in a way where something absolutely new appears and occurs that
absolutely new appears and occurs that
absolutely new appears and occurs that no one could have seen happening from
no one could have seen happening from
no one could have seen happening from all of those different avenues there are
all of those different avenues there are
all of those different avenues there are the mentors and these are the people
the mentors and these are the people
the mentors and these are the people that we look up to that we feel have our
that we look up to that we feel have our
that we look up to that we feel have our back these are the people that we are we
back these are the people that we are we
back these are the people that we are we know we can count on in terms of
know we can count on in terms of
know we can count on in terms of advising us and teaching us and guiding
advising us and teaching us and guiding
advising us and teaching us and guiding us there are the connectors you know we
us there are the connectors you know we
us there are the connectors you know we all know those people that are just
all know those people that are just
all know those people that are just super networkers right they’ll say hey
super networkers right they’ll say hey
super networkers right they’ll say hey you should talk to such-and-such because
you should talk to such-and-such because
you should talk to such-and-such because I think the two of you should know each
I think the two of you should know each
I think the two of you should know each other because he’s doing this and you’re
other because he’s doing this and you’re
other because he’s doing this and you’re doing that and that’s what they’ll just
doing that and that’s what they’ll just
doing that and that’s what they’ll just do all day long their whole world
do all day long their whole world
do all day long their whole world is about making those connections and
is about making those connections and
is about making those connections and those coordination Zand that networking
those coordination Zand that networking
those coordination Zand that networking then there are the visionaries and these
then there are the visionaries and these
then there are the visionaries and these are the people that have the ability to
are the people that have the ability to
are the people that have the ability to see the concepts they’re the idealists
see the concepts they’re the idealists
see the concepts they’re the idealists and the dreamers you know these are the
and the dreamers you know these are the
and the dreamers you know these are the people you want on your team when you’re
people you want on your team when you’re
people you want on your team when you’re looking for those big out-of-the-box
looking for those big out-of-the-box
looking for those big out-of-the-box pictures that are beyond expectations
pictures that are beyond expectations
pictures that are beyond expectations that are beyond the easy answer and then
that are beyond the easy answer and then
that are beyond the easy answer and then there are the motivators these are the
there are the motivators these are the
there are the motivators these are the people that are the cheerleaders the
people that are the cheerleaders the
people that are the cheerleaders the influencer the persuaders they light a
influencer the persuaders they light a
influencer the persuaders they light a fire under us I think my lady directing
fire under us I think my lady directing
fire under us I think my lady directing traffic there my New York cop directing
traffic there my New York cop directing
traffic there my New York cop directing traffic to me that’s what she was at her
traffic to me that’s what she was at her
traffic to me that’s what she was at her fundamental core what she was bringing
fundamental core what she was bringing
fundamental core what she was bringing to that situation was this quality this
to that situation was this quality this
to that situation was this quality this energy this brand of cheerleading of
energy this brand of cheerleading of
energy this brand of cheerleading of influencing that was what made what she
influencing that was what made what she
influencing that was what made what she was doing so beyond just the normal way
was doing so beyond just the normal way
was doing so beyond just the normal way that people do that job then there’s the
that people do that job then there’s the
that people do that job then there’s the makers and these are the people that are
makers and these are the people that are
makers and these are the people that are the artisans and the creators and the
the artisans and the creators and the
the artisans and the creators and the inventors and the advocates we all know
inventors and the advocates we all know
inventors and the advocates we all know some of these these are the people that
some of these these are the people that
some of these these are the people that are the activists and the campaigners
are the activists and the campaigners
are the activists and the campaigners and the champions so these are the
and the champions so these are the
and the champions so these are the people that you invite them to dinner
people that you invite them to dinner
people that you invite them to dinner and it doesn’t matter that it’s a dinner
and it doesn’t matter that it’s a dinner
and it doesn’t matter that it’s a dinner party they will be champion and
party they will be champion and
party they will be champion and advocating for whatever it is that they
advocating for whatever it is that they
advocating for whatever it is that they believe in there are the implementers
believe in there are the implementers
believe in there are the implementers and these people are the achievers the
and these people are the achievers the
and these people are the achievers the administrators the executors these are
administrators the executors these are
administrators the executors these are the people that is people other people
the people that is people other people
the people that is people other people say about them they give them that job
say about them they give them that job
say about them they give them that job they know how to get something done
they know how to get something done
they know how to get something done that’s who the implementers are and then
that’s who the implementers are and then
that’s who the implementers are and then there are the interpreters and these are
there are the interpreters and these are
there are the interpreters and these are the people that translate and transform
the people that translate and transform
the people that translate and transform and change they take different elements
and change they take different elements
and change they take different elements and they transform and they change them
and they transform and they change them
and they transform and they change them into something completely new and it’s
into something completely new and it’s
into something completely new and it’s not that those 12 brand archetypes are
not that those 12 brand archetypes are
not that those 12 brand archetypes are the only way we can contribute but in my
the only way we can contribute but in my
the only way we can contribute but in my research what I found is that really at
research what I found is that really at
research what I found is that really at the heart of people’s contribution is
the heart of people’s contribution is
the heart of people’s contribution is this is this sense of something that’s
this is this sense of something that’s
this is this sense of something that’s been with them since their children that
been with them since their children that
been with them since their children that they can look back and go yes that’s me
they can look back and go yes that’s me
they can look back and go yes that’s me that’s what I bring to the party that’s
that’s what I bring to the party that’s
that’s what I bring to the party that’s the weather I bring with me and I think
the weather I bring with me and I think
the weather I bring with me and I think we need to have a new conversation in
we need to have a new conversation in
we need to have a new conversation in our schools in our workplaces in our
our schools in our workplaces in our
our schools in our workplaces in our families about what it means to live our
families about what it means to live our
families about what it means to live our life and have our personal brands have
life and have our personal brands have
life and have our personal brands have the our contributions be at the heart of
the our contributions be at the heart of
the our contributions be at the heart of those things
those things
those things so how do you do that well the first
so how do you do that well the first
so how do you do that well the first thing is to realize what gets in the way
thing is to realize what gets in the way
thing is to realize what gets in the way of that and one of the big things that
of that and one of the big things that
of that and one of the big things that gets in the way of that is FOMO the fear
gets in the way of that is FOMO the fear
gets in the way of that is FOMO the fear of missing out Geno’s and so many of us
of missing out Geno’s and so many of us
of missing out Geno’s and so many of us today we live a life where we’re so
today we live a life where we’re so
today we live a life where we’re so connected with social media that it
connected with social media that it
connected with social media that it always looks like someone is having a
always looks like someone is having a
always looks like someone is having a better life than us doesn’t it right
better life than us doesn’t it right
better life than us doesn’t it right there’s that person on Instagram that we
there’s that person on Instagram that we
there’s that person on Instagram that we go wow their life just looks so good how
go wow their life just looks so good how
go wow their life just looks so good how come mine doesn’t look like that right
come mine doesn’t look like that right
come mine doesn’t look like that right or theirs that person who’s posting
or theirs that person who’s posting
or theirs that person who’s posting pictures of their food on Pinterest and
pictures of their food on Pinterest and
pictures of their food on Pinterest and we’re going how come my pictures of food
we’re going how come my pictures of food
we’re going how come my pictures of food on Pinterest aren’t getting as many hits
on Pinterest aren’t getting as many hits
on Pinterest aren’t getting as many hits as the bacon-wrapped grilled cheese
as the bacon-wrapped grilled cheese
as the bacon-wrapped grilled cheese sandwich that’s not fair you know we’re
sandwich that’s not fair you know we’re
sandwich that’s not fair you know we’re sitting there on our mobile devices
sitting there on our mobile devices
sitting there on our mobile devices going you know we’re sitting there
going you know we’re sitting there
going you know we’re sitting there working on our mobile devices looking at
working on our mobile devices looking at
working on our mobile devices looking at all the social media and saying WOW
all the social media and saying WOW
all the social media and saying WOW instead of being in my pajamas right now
instead of being in my pajamas right now
instead of being in my pajamas right now I should be at the Adele concert like
I should be at the Adele concert like
I should be at the Adele concert like all these other people or how come the
all these other people or how come the
all these other people or how come the Kardashians never retweet me or I want
Kardashians never retweet me or I want
Kardashians never retweet me or I want to be the mother of dragons you know
to be the mother of dragons you know
to be the mother of dragons you know it’s whatever that’s a game of Thrones
it’s whatever that’s a game of Thrones
it’s whatever that’s a game of Thrones joke for those of you that don’t know
joke for those of you that don’t know
joke for those of you that don’t know Game of Thrones so
Game of Thrones so
Game of Thrones so it’s this thing that’s been happening
it’s this thing that’s been happening
it’s this thing that’s been happening and this sounds kind of innocuous but I
and this sounds kind of innocuous but I
and this sounds kind of innocuous but I will tell you that part of what I found
will tell you that part of what I found
will tell you that part of what I found in the research is this is having an
in the research is this is having an
in the research is this is having an incredibly damaging and dampening effect
incredibly damaging and dampening effect
incredibly damaging and dampening effect on our sense of contribution as
on our sense of contribution as
on our sense of contribution as individuals because we’re so used to
individuals because we’re so used to
individuals because we’re so used to comparing our contribution to everyone
comparing our contribution to everyone
comparing our contribution to everyone else that we think it has to be some big
else that we think it has to be some big
else that we think it has to be some big gigantic major thing and what it’s
gigantic major thing and what it’s
gigantic major thing and what it’s creating for a lot of people is a sense
creating for a lot of people is a sense
creating for a lot of people is a sense of emptiness a sense of that what they
of emptiness a sense of that what they
of emptiness a sense of that what they have to bring to something isn’t as
have to bring to something isn’t as
have to bring to something isn’t as important doesn’t matter as much when in
important doesn’t matter as much when in
important doesn’t matter as much when in fact it does and the problem with this
fact it does and the problem with this
fact it does and the problem with this is that it has us avoid making mistakes
is that it has us avoid making mistakes
is that it has us avoid making mistakes and taking risks and what my research
and taking risks and what my research
and taking risks and what my research showed was that the people that make the
showed was that the people that make the
showed was that the people that make the greatest contribution regardless of
greatest contribution regardless of
greatest contribution regardless of their job regardless of their knowledge
their job regardless of their knowledge
their job regardless of their knowledge regardless of what they do regardless of
regardless of what they do regardless of
regardless of what they do regardless of what their role is is that the people
what their role is is that the people
what their role is is that the people that make the greatest contribution are
that make the greatest contribution are
that make the greatest contribution are willing to take risks and they are
willing to take risks and they are
willing to take risks and they are willing to make mistakes and then learn
willing to make mistakes and then learn
willing to make mistakes and then learn from those mistakes and so this FOMO
from those mistakes and so this FOMO
from those mistakes and so this FOMO this fear of missing out in part is what
this fear of missing out in part is what
this fear of missing out in part is what keeps us from doing that and I will be
keeps us from doing that and I will be
keeps us from doing that and I will be really honest and tell you that for
really honest and tell you that for
really honest and tell you that for myself one of the things that happened
myself one of the things that happened
myself one of the things that happened in this transfer
in this transfer
in this transfer Meishan that i went through out of my
Meishan that i went through out of my
Meishan that i went through out of my father dying and getting divorced and
father dying and getting divorced and
father dying and getting divorced and some other things that happened in that
some other things that happened in that
some other things that happened in that year was that I realized how much I was
year was that I realized how much I was
year was that I realized how much I was living in that fear of missing out I was
living in that fear of missing out I was
living in that fear of missing out I was living in that expectation of the script
living in that expectation of the script
living in that expectation of the script and I started to practice what a friend
and I started to practice what a friend
and I started to practice what a friend my friend Lynette calls Jomo or the joy
my friend Lynette calls Jomo or the joy
my friend Lynette calls Jomo or the joy of missing out right I started to
of missing out right I started to
of missing out right I started to practice this it I was so intent on
practice this it I was so intent on
practice this it I was so intent on doing this that it almost became and
doing this that it almost became and
doing this that it almost became and still is like a spiritual practice for
still is like a spiritual practice for
still is like a spiritual practice for me it’s really this idea of saying no to
me it’s really this idea of saying no to
me it’s really this idea of saying no to the things that I think I should do
the things that I think I should do
the things that I think I should do because they’re expected of me or saying
because they’re expected of me or saying
because they’re expected of me or saying no or just because they’re expected of
no or just because they’re expected of
no or just because they’re expected of me or saying no to things because I want
me or saying no to things because I want
me or saying no to things because I want to be look as good as other people you
to be look as good as other people you
to be look as good as other people you know how we all want to look good like
know how we all want to look good like
know how we all want to look good like other people we don’t want to look worse
other people we don’t want to look worse
other people we don’t want to look worse than other people we all want to be seen
than other people we all want to be seen
than other people we all want to be seen as less than that’s true for everyone
as less than that’s true for everyone
as less than that’s true for everyone and instead I started to practice what
and instead I started to practice what
and instead I started to practice what are the things that give me the greatest
are the things that give me the greatest
are the things that give me the greatest joy what are the things that I feel are
joy what are the things that I feel are
joy what are the things that I feel are in line with my truest contribution and
in line with my truest contribution and
in line with my truest contribution and I’ll be honest with you about five times
I’ll be honest with you about five times
I’ll be honest with you about five times a day I fail at this but there’s another
a day I fail at this but there’s another
a day I fail at this but there’s another 20 times a day I’m successful at it and
20 times a day I’m successful at it and
20 times a day I’m successful at it and so it isn’t about being perfect but it
so it isn’t about being perfect but it
so it isn’t about being perfect but it is about practicing this joy of missing
is about practicing this joy of missing
is about practicing this joy of missing out so I have a contribution challenge
out so I have a contribution challenge
out so I have a contribution challenge for you and here is my contribution
for you and here is my contribution
for you and here is my contribution challenge for the next period of time
challenge for the next period of time
challenge for the next period of time today tomorrow think back on your life
today tomorrow think back on your life
today tomorrow think back on your life and ask yourself what is the weather
and ask yourself what is the weather
and ask yourself what is the weather that I bring with me and if you don’t
that I bring with me and if you don’t
that I bring with me and if you don’t know ask one of your parents or friends
know ask one of your parents or friends
know ask one of your parents or friends or somebody who’s close to you because I
or somebody who’s close to you because I
or somebody who’s close to you because I promise you they will know what is the
promise you they will know what is the
promise you they will know what is the weather that you bring with you and then
weather that you bring with you and then
weather that you bring with you and then for a period of one week just one week
for a period of one week just one week
for a period of one week just one week practice the joy of missing out avoid
practice the joy of missing out avoid
practice the joy of missing out avoid the fear of missing out and practice the
the fear of missing out and practice the
the fear of missing out and practice the joy of missing out because a lot of what
joy of missing out because a lot of what
joy of missing out because a lot of what contributes to the contribution gap is
contributes to the contribution gap is
contributes to the contribution gap is that we’re going for the things that are
that we’re going for the things that are
that we’re going for the things that are in the fear of missing out and rather
in the fear of missing out and rather
in the fear of missing out and rather than going for the things that are in
than going for the things that are in
than going for the things that are in the joy of missing out rather than going
the joy of missing out rather than going
the joy of missing out rather than going for those things that are part of our
for those things that are part of our
for those things that are part of our greatest contribution so for a week just
greatest contribution so for a week just
greatest contribution so for a week just try practicing this joy of missing out
try practicing this joy of missing out
try practicing this joy of missing out you know what are the say yes to the
you know what are the say yes to the
you know what are the say yes to the people the places the things that you
people the places the things that you
people the places the things that you find really not only make your heart
find really not only make your heart
find really not only make your heart sing but give you that sense of where
sing but give you that sense of where
sing but give you that sense of where you know you have your greatest
you know you have your greatest
you know you have your greatest contribution to make because who knows
contribution to make because who knows
contribution to make because who knows you will be able to probably bridge
you will be able to probably bridge
you will be able to probably bridge gap for yourself at least to a small
gap for yourself at least to a small
gap for yourself at least to a small degree and the more you practice this to
degree and the more you practice this to
degree and the more you practice this to a larger degree you will find that you
a larger degree you will find that you
a larger degree you will find that you will bridge that contribution gap and
will bridge that contribution gap and
will bridge that contribution gap and you know you may even end up one day
you know you may even end up one day
you know you may even end up one day even if you end up directing traffic on
even if you end up directing traffic on
even if you end up directing traffic on a busy street channeling your inner
a busy street channeling your inner
a busy street channeling your inner ballet dancer you never know but it’s
ballet dancer you never know but it’s
ballet dancer you never know but it’s really not about what you’re doing it’s
really not about what you’re doing it’s
really not about what you’re doing it’s about doing it with that sense of the
about doing it with that sense of the
about doing it with that sense of the weather that you bring with you so in
weather that you bring with you so in
weather that you bring with you so in closing I’d like to to give you a
closing I’d like to to give you a
closing I’d like to to give you a summation of the things that I’ve
summation of the things that I’ve
summation of the things that I’ve learned over the last two years of doing
learned over the last two years of doing
learned over the last two years of doing this research and I’d also like to tell
this research and I’d also like to tell
this research and I’d also like to tell you what I’ve learned in the history
you what I’ve learned in the history
you what I’ve learned in the history because this really parallels in the
because this really parallels in the
because this really parallels in the history of the research I’ve done over
history of the research I’ve done over
history of the research I’ve done over 25 years as a branding strategist I’ve
25 years as a branding strategist I’ve
25 years as a branding strategist I’ve even even have written a book about this
even even have written a book about this
even even have written a book about this and there’s three things that I’d like
and there’s three things that I’d like
and there’s three things that I’d like to leave you with and the first is it’s
to leave you with and the first is it’s
to leave you with and the first is it’s not what you know it’s knowing what’s
not what you know it’s knowing what’s
not what you know it’s knowing what’s important if you remember that that is
important if you remember that that is
important if you remember that that is one of the things that can powerfully
one of the things that can powerfully
one of the things that can powerfully help close that gap and the second thing
help close that gap and the second thing
help close that gap and the second thing is it’s not the script that you follow
is it’s not the script that you follow
is it’s not the script that you follow it’s the script that you write and the
it’s the script that you write and the
it’s the script that you write and the third one is it’s not the weather that
third one is it’s not the weather that
third one is it’s not the weather that you find it’s the weather that you bring
you find it’s the weather that you bring
you find it’s the weather that you bring with you thank you very much
with you thank you very much
with you thank you very much [Applause]
you
you [Music]
”
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