what if we’re wrong about the people we deem bad and evil Zen master take not
deem bad and evil Zen master take not
deem bad and evil Zen master take not Han tells a great story about once
Han tells a great story about once
Han tells a great story about once hitting his thumb with a hammer while
hitting his thumb with a hammer while
hitting his thumb with a hammer while trying to hang a picture he says my left
trying to hang a picture he says my left
trying to hang a picture he says my left hand did not turn to my right hand and
hand did not turn to my right hand and
hand did not turn to my right hand and say give me that hammer I want to even
say give me that hammer I want to even
say give me that hammer I want to even the score my left hand knows it is part
the score my left hand knows it is part
the score my left hand knows it is part of my right hand the same is true of my
of my right hand the same is true of my
of my right hand the same is true of my right hand my two hands have the insight
right hand my two hands have the insight
right hand my two hands have the insight of interbeing we all share the same
of interbeing we all share the same
of interbeing we all share the same basic needs safety love autonomy our
basic needs safety love autonomy our
basic needs safety love autonomy our emotions are simply the expression of
emotions are simply the expression of
emotions are simply the expression of those needs being met or not it will
those needs being met or not it will
those needs being met or not it will make sense then that our focus and
make sense then that our focus and
make sense then that our focus and energy would go into communication and
energy would go into communication and
energy would go into communication and strategies that would result in
strategies that would result in
strategies that would result in obtaining our needs and while we’ve been
obtaining our needs and while we’ve been
obtaining our needs and while we’ve been taught some effective communication and
taught some effective communication and
taught some effective communication and strategies we are still far from being
strategies we are still far from being
strategies we are still far from being literate in this area of life we have
literate in this area of life we have
literate in this area of life we have yet to learn that hurtful behavior is
yet to learn that hurtful behavior is
yet to learn that hurtful behavior is counterproductive to meeting our needs
counterproductive to meeting our needs
counterproductive to meeting our needs we’re an intelligent species so how is
we’re an intelligent species so how is
we’re an intelligent species so how is it that we ended up with such a painful
it that we ended up with such a painful
it that we ended up with such a painful deficiency well for the past eight years
deficiency well for the past eight years
deficiency well for the past eight years I’ve delved into figuring this out and I
I’ve delved into figuring this out and I
I’ve delved into figuring this out and I believe the root of this hindrance is an
believe the root of this hindrance is an
believe the root of this hindrance is an illusion of separateness philosopher
illusion of separateness philosopher
illusion of separateness philosopher Alan Watts said we do not come into this
Alan Watts said we do not come into this
Alan Watts said we do not come into this world we come out of it as weeds from a
world we come out of it as weeds from a
world we come out of it as weeds from a tree as the ocean waves the universe
tree as the ocean waves the universe
tree as the ocean waves the universe people’s every individual is an
people’s every individual is an
people’s every individual is an expression of the entire realm of nature
expression of the entire realm of nature
expression of the entire realm of nature we’re connected to everything and it
we’re connected to everything and it
we’re connected to everything and it blows my mind that most of us on a daily
blows my mind that most of us on a daily
blows my mind that most of us on a daily basis experience the exact opposite I’m
basis experience the exact opposite I’m
basis experience the exact opposite I’m here and the rest of the world is out
here and the rest of the world is out
here and the rest of the world is out there
there
there imagine Elise thinking itself as
imagine Elise thinking itself as
imagine Elise thinking itself as separate from the other leaves and the
separate from the other leaves and the
separate from the other leaves and the tree it’s on you picture that it’s
tree it’s on you picture that it’s
tree it’s on you picture that it’s absurd and yet we don’t live with that
absurd and yet we don’t live with that
absurd and yet we don’t live with that experience of being a part of everything
experience of being a part of everything
experience of being a part of everything my mission in life is to get us present
my mission in life is to get us present
my mission in life is to get us present to our connectedness we are navigating
to our connectedness we are navigating
to our connectedness we are navigating life along with people of radically
life along with people of radically
life along with people of radically opposing views we are witnessing reports
opposing views we are witnessing reports
opposing views we are witnessing reports of violence hate and aggression on a
of violence hate and aggression on a
of violence hate and aggression on a regular basis and the age-old question
regular basis and the age-old question
regular basis and the age-old question arises why can’t we just get along we
arises why can’t we just get along we
arises why can’t we just get along we need a better way desperately and yet it
need a better way desperately and yet it
need a better way desperately and yet it seems difficult to even imagine feeling
seems difficult to even imagine feeling
seems difficult to even imagine feeling connected to people who we think are
connected to people who we think are
connected to people who we think are wrong in their beliefs judgment quickly
wrong in their beliefs judgment quickly
wrong in their beliefs judgment quickly arises there doesn’t seem to be a point
arises there doesn’t seem to be a point
arises there doesn’t seem to be a point of access and from the us-versus-them
of access and from the us-versus-them
of access and from the us-versus-them mentality there simply isn’t so where do
mentality there simply isn’t so where do
mentality there simply isn’t so where do we begin the experience of connection
we begin the experience of connection
we begin the experience of connection begins intentionally it begins in our
begins intentionally it begins in our
begins intentionally it begins in our daily lives in our encounters with
daily lives in our encounters with
daily lives in our encounters with everyone from the cashier at the grocery
everyone from the cashier at the grocery
everyone from the cashier at the grocery store to our co-workers to our parents
store to our co-workers to our parents
store to our co-workers to our parents it would be easy for me to think that an
it would be easy for me to think that an
it would be easy for me to think that an argument I have with a neighbor over
argument I have with a neighbor over
argument I have with a neighbor over noise has nothing to do with the news
noise has nothing to do with the news
noise has nothing to do with the news I’m seeing with the conflicts I’m seeing
I’m seeing with the conflicts I’m seeing
I’m seeing with the conflicts I’m seeing there but that’s just not so we have
there but that’s just not so we have
there but that’s just not so we have become addicts of a game called I’m
become addicts of a game called I’m
become addicts of a game called I’m right and you’re wrong
right and you’re wrong
right and you’re wrong it’s a destructive game and one we bring
it’s a destructive game and one we bring
it’s a destructive game and one we bring into every encounter and the
into every encounter and the
into every encounter and the consequences are exactly what we’re
consequences are exactly what we’re
consequences are exactly what we’re dealing with my hero and teacher
dealing with my hero and teacher
dealing with my hero and teacher Marshall B Rosenberg
Marshall B Rosenberg
Marshall B Rosenberg founder of the Center for nonviolent
founder of the Center for nonviolent
founder of the Center for nonviolent communication made the claim that in any
communication made the claim that in any
communication made the claim that in any conflict any conflict once each side can
conflict any conflict once each side can
conflict any conflict once each side can state the other sides needs it takes no
state the other sides needs it takes no
state the other sides needs it takes no more than twenty minutes to resolve it
more than twenty minutes to resolve it
more than twenty minutes to resolve it yeah 20 minutes any conflict it’s 20
yeah 20 minutes any conflict it’s 20
yeah 20 minutes any conflict it’s 20 minutes from the point both sides
minutes from the point both sides
minutes from the point both sides understand each other’s needs he
understand each other’s needs he
understand each other’s needs he discovered that would took time was
discovered that would took time was
discovered that would took time was getting each side to be willing to
getting each side to be willing to
getting each side to be willing to listen and understand their needs it
listen and understand their needs it
listen and understand their needs it turns out we don’t have conflicting
turns out we don’t have conflicting
turns out we don’t have conflicting needs we have complete these strategies
needs we have complete these strategies
needs we have complete these strategies and on their own they’re completely
and on their own they’re completely
and on their own they’re completely manageable the main issue is we haven’t
manageable the main issue is we haven’t
manageable the main issue is we haven’t been taught how to identify and Munich
been taught how to identify and Munich
been taught how to identify and Munich eight our own age and much less how to
eight our own age and much less how to
eight our own age and much less how to listen for those of another all anger is
listen for those of another all anger is
listen for those of another all anger is simply an expression of the frustration
simply an expression of the frustration
simply an expression of the frustration of not knowing how to meet one of our
of not knowing how to meet one of our
of not knowing how to meet one of our needs and here’s an example I think we
needs and here’s an example I think we
needs and here’s an example I think we can all relate with you know that point
can all relate with you know that point
can all relate with you know that point that you reach when you’re so hungry and
that you reach when you’re so hungry and
that you reach when you’re so hungry and you haven’t eaten anything and it seems
you haven’t eaten anything and it seems
you haven’t eaten anything and it seems like a really long time before you’re
like a really long time before you’re
like a really long time before you’re going to get to eat anything what do you
going to get to eat anything what do you
going to get to eat anything what do you get you get hangry exactly it’s a thing
get you get hangry exactly it’s a thing
get you get hangry exactly it’s a thing and we understand that one really well
and we understand that one really well
and we understand that one really well so much so that even candy companies
so much so that even candy companies
so much so that even candy companies have used it in advertising campaigns
have used it in advertising campaigns
have used it in advertising campaigns you’re just not yourself when you’re
you’re just not yourself when you’re
you’re just not yourself when you’re hungry all of our hurtful words and
hungry all of our hurtful words and
hungry all of our hurtful words and behaviors pour out of unmet needs needs
behaviors pour out of unmet needs needs
behaviors pour out of unmet needs needs of love of acceptance of autonomy of
of love of acceptance of autonomy of
of love of acceptance of autonomy of safety and once we realize this well
safety and once we realize this well
safety and once we realize this well then we catch that it’s based in
then we catch that it’s based in
then we catch that it’s based in ignorance it’s based in hurt and pain
ignorance it’s based in hurt and pain
ignorance it’s based in hurt and pain and our desire to retaliate begins to
and our desire to retaliate begins to
and our desire to retaliate begins to dissipate our goals can then shift to
dissipate our goals can then shift to
dissipate our goals can then shift to providing the empathic connection and
providing the empathic connection and
providing the empathic connection and education that will support all of us
listening intentionally without judgment
listening intentionally without judgment and with a desire to understand is the
and with a desire to understand is the
and with a desire to understand is the most powerful tool we have it has the
most powerful tool we have it has the
most powerful tool we have it has the ability to transform our relationship to
ability to transform our relationship to
ability to transform our relationship to everything so how do we apply this in
everything so how do we apply this in
everything so how do we apply this in our own life
our own life
our own life well let’s take a moment to think about
well let’s take a moment to think about
well let’s take a moment to think about the last few weeks how many of you in
the last few weeks how many of you in
the last few weeks how many of you in here find yourself disagreeing with
here find yourself disagreeing with
here find yourself disagreeing with someone like me neither is drama at work
someone like me neither is drama at work
someone like me neither is drama at work or maybe you’ve got into an argument
or maybe you’ve got into an argument
or maybe you’ve got into an argument with your spouse yeah how many of you
with your spouse yeah how many of you
with your spouse yeah how many of you here are parents maybe you got upset
here are parents maybe you got upset
here are parents maybe you got upset with one of your children maybe you
with one of your children maybe you
with one of your children maybe you asked one of them to do something and
asked one of them to do something and
asked one of them to do something and they reply to you with that nasty
they reply to you with that nasty
they reply to you with that nasty horrible word no when things don’t go
horrible word no when things don’t go
horrible word no when things don’t go the way we want it can be difficult to
the way we want it can be difficult to
the way we want it can be difficult to know what to do so I want you to really
know what to do so I want you to really
know what to do so I want you to really have that moment that you thought about
have that moment that you thought about
have that moment that you thought about right now in mind as we try this out
right now in mind as we try this out
right now in mind as we try this out three steps number one self empathy when
three steps number one self empathy when
three steps number one self empathy when we’re in a stressful situation it’s
we’re in a stressful situation it’s
we’re in a stressful situation it’s really important to begin by giving
really important to begin by giving
really important to begin by giving yourself empathy take a deep breath and
yourself empathy take a deep breath and
yourself empathy take a deep breath and notice what you’re feeling are you
notice what you’re feeling are you
notice what you’re feeling are you afraid
afraid
afraid frustrated sad and now identify what you
frustrated sad and now identify what you
frustrated sad and now identify what you might be needing are you needing some
might be needing are you needing some
might be needing are you needing some support some safety or acceptance number
support some safety or acceptance number
support some safety or acceptance number two acceptance let go of judgment keep
two acceptance let go of judgment keep
two acceptance let go of judgment keep reminding yourself and in trust me it’s
reminding yourself and in trust me it’s
reminding yourself and in trust me it’s gonna take a few times keep reminding
gonna take a few times keep reminding
gonna take a few times keep reminding yourself that any ugliness in speech or
yourself that any ugliness in speech or
yourself that any ugliness in speech or behavior comes from that special crazy
behavior comes from that special crazy
behavior comes from that special crazy combo of unmet needs and the lack of
combo of unmet needs and the lack of
combo of unmet needs and the lack of knowing how to obtain them and number
knowing how to obtain them and number
knowing how to obtain them and number three listening go beyond the words to
three listening go beyond the words to
three listening go beyond the words to what truly matters to that other person
what truly matters to that other person
what truly matters to that other person imagine what it might have been like to
imagine what it might have been like to
imagine what it might have been like to understand them in that moment what do
understand them in that moment what do
understand them in that moment what do you think they were feeling usually
you think they were feeling usually
you think they were feeling usually enough
enough
enough it’ll be something along the lines of
it’ll be something along the lines of
it’ll be something along the lines of fear frustration or sadness and now what
fear frustration or sadness and now what
fear frustration or sadness and now what do you think it was that they were
do you think it was that they were
do you think it was that they were needing were they needing some safety
needing were they needing some safety
needing were they needing some safety some acceptance or autonomy remember
some acceptance or autonomy remember
some acceptance or autonomy remember that in the heat of the moment you don’t
that in the heat of the moment you don’t
that in the heat of the moment you don’t need to do anything to fix it right away
need to do anything to fix it right away
need to do anything to fix it right away simply giving somebody else the
simply giving somebody else the
simply giving somebody else the experience of being heard without
experience of being heard without
experience of being heard without judgment is a rare gift and one which
judgment is a rare gift and one which
judgment is a rare gift and one which benefits all of us if we want to
benefits all of us if we want to
benefits all of us if we want to experience connection and have more
experience connection and have more
experience connection and have more peace in our world instead of the
peace in our world instead of the
peace in our world instead of the violence hate and aggression we’re
violence hate and aggression we’re
violence hate and aggression we’re seeing on the news we must be willing to
seeing on the news we must be willing to
seeing on the news we must be willing to take responsibility for the conflict in
take responsibility for the conflict in
take responsibility for the conflict in our own lives we must be willing to care
our own lives we must be willing to care
our own lives we must be willing to care and to put something at risk we must be
and to put something at risk we must be
and to put something at risk we must be willing to be made wrong and criticized
willing to be made wrong and criticized
willing to be made wrong and criticized and most of all we must be willing to
and most of all we must be willing to
and most of all we must be willing to let go of our favorite game of I’m right
let go of our favorite game of I’m right
let go of our favorite game of I’m right and you’re wrong
and you’re wrong
and you’re wrong the more we let go of our judgments of
the more we let go of our judgments of
the more we let go of our judgments of people the more we listen to each
people the more we listen to each
people the more we listen to each other’s needs the more power we have to
other’s needs the more power we have to
other’s needs the more power we have to truly transform what’s possible in our
truly transform what’s possible in our
truly transform what’s possible in our world so maybe we are wrong about the
world so maybe we are wrong about the
world so maybe we are wrong about the people we deem bad and evil maybe we
people we deem bad and evil maybe we
people we deem bad and evil maybe we really truly are all one and if we are
really truly are all one and if we are
really truly are all one and if we are all one well then that would mean that
all one well then that would mean that
all one well then that would mean that you are simply a part of me that’s just
you are simply a part of me that’s just
you are simply a part of me that’s just cleverly disguised as not me so you’re a
cleverly disguised as not me so you’re a
cleverly disguised as not me so you’re a part of me you’re a part of me you’re a
part of me you’re a part of me you’re a
part of me you’re a part of me you’re a part of me hello me
”
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