You Are Not Who You Think You Are | Jeffrey Butler | TEDxLosGatosHighSchool

Who am I

Who am I or better yet who do I think I am these

or better yet who do I think I am these

or better yet who do I think I am these may be the most common questions in all

may be the most common questions in all

may be the most common questions in all of history ranging back to the

of history ranging back to the

of history ranging back to the philosophers Aristotle Prince wall

philosophers Aristotle Prince wall

philosophers Aristotle Prince wall Voltaire or even our very own Homer

Voltaire or even our very own Homer

Voltaire or even our very own Homer Simpson

Simpson

Simpson but regards to the challenge that this

but regards to the challenge that this

but regards to the challenge that this question brings us it’s well worth the

question brings us it’s well worth the

question brings us it’s well worth the pursuit find the answer to who one is is

pursuit find the answer to who one is is

pursuit find the answer to who one is is like finding the golden key to your life

like finding the golden key to your life

like finding the golden key to your life with it you can lock person alignment

with it you can lock person alignment

with it you can lock person alignment fulfillment and yes the all too common

fulfillment and yes the all too common

fulfillment and yes the all too common TEDx theme happiness but today I’m not

TEDx theme happiness but today I’m not

TEDx theme happiness but today I’m not going to talk to you about who you

going to talk to you about who you

going to talk to you about who you uniquely are that’s for you to find out

uniquely are that’s for you to find out

uniquely are that’s for you to find out on your own personal journey but what I

on your own personal journey but what I

on your own personal journey but what I am here to do is show you the subtle

am here to do is show you the subtle

am here to do is show you the subtle difference between who you are and who

difference between who you are and who

difference between who you are and who you think you are I believe knowing this

you think you are I believe knowing this

you think you are I believe knowing this difference could be when the biggest

difference could be when the biggest

difference could be when the biggest breakthroughs you can make in your life

breakthroughs you can make in your life

breakthroughs you can make in your life as it did my own

as it did my own

as it did my own now since this TEDx talk or TEDx theme

now since this TEDx talk or TEDx theme

now since this TEDx talk or TEDx theme is shift what I want you guys to do is

is shift what I want you guys to do is

is shift what I want you guys to do is when I do this you say the theme you

when I do this you say the theme you

when I do this you say the theme you ready yes I’m ready

ready yes I’m ready

ready yes I’m ready let’s hear again yeah okay there we go

let’s hear again yeah okay there we go

let’s hear again yeah okay there we go all right so ready and oh man nailed it

all right so ready and oh man nailed it

all right so ready and oh man nailed it okay cool all right now we can get

okay cool all right now we can get

okay cool all right now we can get started so I started asking the question

started so I started asking the question

started so I started asking the question Who am I

Who am I

Who am I all the way back seven years at Los

all the way back seven years at Los

all the way back seven years at Los Gatos high school right over in that

Gatos high school right over in that

Gatos high school right over in that building and mr. Sakamoto is classroom

building and mr. Sakamoto is classroom

building and mr. Sakamoto is classroom and there I sat next to a friend named

and there I sat next to a friend named

and there I sat next to a friend named John for a talkative bright guy but he

John for a talkative bright guy but he

John for a talkative bright guy but he met me during a very dark time in my

met me during a very dark time in my

met me during a very dark time in my life you see I used to have a dog and

life you see I used to have a dog and

life you see I used to have a dog and for those of you who don’t have a dog

for those of you who don’t have a dog

for those of you who don’t have a dog hear what I’m about to tell you is gonna

hear what I’m about to tell you is gonna

hear what I’m about to tell you is gonna sound really weird but whenever

sound really weird but whenever

sound really weird but whenever something was little distressful my life

something was little distressful my life

something was little distressful my life and no human could understand I would

and no human could understand I would

and no human could understand I would take my dog on a walk and talk to him

take my dog on a walk and talk to him

take my dog on a walk and talk to him tied him all my deepest and darkest

tied him all my deepest and darkest

tied him all my deepest and darkest secrets he’s essentially my personal

secrets he’s essentially my personal

secrets he’s essentially my personal therapist

therapist

therapist so one day like all living things do he

so one day like all living things do he

so one day like all living things do he died and all those memories went with

died and all those memories went with

died and all those memories went with him and so was at school one day and

him and so was at school one day and

him and so was at school one day and that’s when I met John he looked over

that’s when I met John he looked over

that’s when I met John he looked over and said hey what’s going on what’s on

and said hey what’s going on what’s on

and said hey what’s going on what’s on your mind

your mind

your mind and I told him he actually listened the

and I told him he actually listened the

and I told him he actually listened the kind of friend that everyone should have

kind of friend that everyone should have

kind of friend that everyone should have one that reaches out so there it was

one that reaches out so there it was

one that reaches out so there it was sitting next to John the classroom and

sitting next to John the classroom and

sitting next to John the classroom and instead of me being depressed it was him

instead of me being depressed it was him

instead of me being depressed it was him that day he was withdrawn quiet so I

that day he was withdrawn quiet so I

that day he was withdrawn quiet so I thought being a high school student I

thought being a high school student I

thought being a high school student I immediately assumed that he was on drugs

immediately assumed that he was on drugs

immediately assumed that he was on drugs so being bold and insensitive I turned

so being bold and insensitive I turned

so being bold and insensitive I turned and looked at him and I said John are

and looked at him and I said John are

and looked at him and I said John are you on drugs and he turned and looked at

you on drugs and he turned and looked at

you on drugs and he turned and looked at me and said you’ll never believe it my

me and said you’ll never believe it my

me and said you’ll never believe it my family thought the same thing

family thought the same thing

family thought the same thing so they took me to see a doctor and he

so they took me to see a doctor and he

so they took me to see a doctor and he ran all these tests on me and they came

ran all these tests on me and they came

ran all these tests on me and they came back and they told me I wasn’t on drugs

back and they told me I wasn’t on drugs

back and they told me I wasn’t on drugs of course not but they found something

of course not but they found something

of course not but they found something else that I have a disorder called

else that I have a disorder called

else that I have a disorder called unipolar disorder essentially a genetic

unipolar disorder essentially a genetic

unipolar disorder essentially a genetic form of depression my brain isn’t

form of depression my brain isn’t

form of depression my brain isn’t produced the right number chemicals to

produced the right number chemicals to

produced the right number chemicals to feel things such as happiness and it

feel things such as happiness and it

feel things such as happiness and it turns out most people who commit suicide

turns out most people who commit suicide

turns out most people who commit suicide in the United States have these symptoms

in the United States have these symptoms

in the United States have these symptoms so I guess I know how I’m going to die

so I guess I know how I’m going to die

so I guess I know how I’m going to die and to help the doctors put me on drugs

and to help the doctors put me on drugs

and to help the doctors put me on drugs cij I’m on drugs have you ever asked a

cij I’m on drugs have you ever asked a

cij I’m on drugs have you ever asked a question and when you heard the answer

question and when you heard the answer

question and when you heard the answer you wish you never asked it well that’s

you wish you never asked it well that’s

you wish you never asked it well that’s where I was in that classroom here I was

where I was in that classroom here I was

where I was in that classroom here I was trying to crack a joke and now my friend

trying to crack a joke and now my friend

trying to crack a joke and now my friend has a life sentence confused stunned

has a life sentence confused stunned

has a life sentence confused stunned depressed was really surreal so did the

depressed was really surreal so did the

depressed was really surreal so did the only thing I thought was appropriate and

only thing I thought was appropriate and

only thing I thought was appropriate and I just said hey if you need to talk let

I just said hey if you need to talk let

I just said hey if you need to talk let me know he said okay but we didn’t talk

me know he said okay but we didn’t talk

me know he said okay but we didn’t talk much after that we sort of drifted apart

much after that we sort of drifted apart

much after that we sort of drifted apart but little did he know though the worst

but little did he know though the worst

but little did he know though the worst is yet to come and that’s when I started

is yet to come and that’s when I started

is yet to come and that’s when I started asking the question who am i but not who

asking the question who am i but not who

asking the question who am i but not who am i quoting John think he was because

am i quoting John think he was because

am i quoting John think he was because whenever we hear something about someone

whenever we hear something about someone

whenever we hear something about someone diagnosed as’ or a new label we sort of

diagnosed as’ or a new label we sort of

diagnosed as’ or a new label we sort of have a shift in our minds so when he was

have a shift in our minds so when he was

have a shift in our minds so when he was John the good friend it became John the

John the good friend it became John the

John the good friend it became John the good friend with you know pore disorder

good friend with you know pore disorder

good friend with you know pore disorder my mind get ready for it started to have

my mind get ready for it started to have

my mind get ready for it started to have a I’ll nailed it

a I’ll nailed it

a I’ll nailed it and I started to see him differently and

and I started to see him differently and

and I started to see him differently and his friends found out family found out

his friends found out family found out

his friends found out family found out even teachers and everyone saw him

even teachers and everyone saw him

even teachers and everyone saw him differently and eventually John had his

differently and eventually John had his

differently and eventually John had his own ship and his self-image now what is

own ship and his self-image now what is

own ship and his self-image now what is his self-image

his self-image

his self-image we’ll all can be broken into two

we’ll all can be broken into two

we’ll all can be broken into two different parts the first part is pretty

different parts the first part is pretty

different parts the first part is pretty simple essentially how you see yourself

simple essentially how you see yourself

simple essentially how you see yourself all the labels you’ve assigned yourself

all the labels you’ve assigned yourself

all the labels you’ve assigned yourself when you have the question Who am I or

when you have the question Who am I or

when you have the question Who am I or I’m the kind of person that is fill in

I’m the kind of person that is fill in

I’m the kind of person that is fill in the blank

the blank

the blank that’s your self-image I’m a passionate

that’s your self-image I’m a passionate

that’s your self-image I’m a passionate person aggressive successful whatever it

person aggressive successful whatever it

person aggressive successful whatever it may be

may be

may be now you probably could have deduced that

now you probably could have deduced that

now you probably could have deduced that just by looking at the word but the next

just by looking at the word but the next

just by looking at the word but the next parts super interesting to me you see

parts super interesting to me you see

parts super interesting to me you see the self-image is like a rubber band if

the self-image is like a rubber band if

the self-image is like a rubber band if you try and outperform that label you

you try and outperform that label you

you try and outperform that label you have you’ll snap down you try and

have you’ll snap down you try and

have you’ll snap down you try and underperform you’ll snap back up so you

underperform you’ll snap back up so you

underperform you’ll snap back up so you essentially box yourself in in a level

essentially box yourself in in a level

essentially box yourself in in a level performance just by your label and

performance just by your label and

performance just by your label and that’s why it’s so important under scent

that’s why it’s so important under scent

that’s why it’s so important under scent of self-image because most people get

of self-image because most people get

of self-image because most people get confused between their self-image and

confused between their self-image and

confused between their self-image and what they’re really capable of now

what they’re really capable of now

what they’re really capable of now that’s the self-image but what happens

that’s the self-image but what happens

that’s the self-image but what happens when everyone around you sees you

when everyone around you sees you

when everyone around you sees you differently well in psychology this is

differently well in psychology this is

differently well in psychology this is called the Pygmalion effect or the

called the Pygmalion effect or the

called the Pygmalion effect or the polygamy effect as I once thought I did

polygamy effect as I once thought I did

polygamy effect as I once thought I did seriously I literally did that was like

seriously I literally did that was like

seriously I literally did that was like put polygamy

put polygamy

put polygamy so is it Pygmalion effect and what this

so is it Pygmalion effect and what this

so is it Pygmalion effect and what this is is when you see someone differently

is is when you see someone differently

is is when you see someone differently that actually has a role and how that

that actually has a role and how that

that actually has a role and how that person behaves for instance there was a

person behaves for instance there was a

person behaves for instance there was a study in the military where they had 105

study in the military where they had 105

study in the military where they had 105 troops for 15 weeks

troops for 15 weeks

troops for 15 weeks and the commanding officer who was in

and the commanding officer who was in

and the commanding officer who was in charge that all the bios that all the

charge that all the bios that all the

charge that all the bios that all the tests and then some researchers came in

tests and then some researchers came in

tests and then some researchers came in and said hey here’s the highest

and said hey here’s the highest

and said hey here’s the highest potential median potential and lowest

potential median potential and lowest

potential median potential and lowest potential with that information during

potential with that information during

potential with that information during those 15 weeks the command officer

those 15 weeks the command officer

those 15 weeks the command officer focused on those high potential

focused on those high potential

focused on those high potential shoulders and through that time at the

shoulders and through that time at the

shoulders and through that time at the end they were tested and of course the

end they were tested and of course the

end they were tested and of course the highest potential soldiers scored 15%

highest potential soldiers scored 15%

highest potential soldiers scored 15% better but here’s the twist the highest

better but here’s the twist the highest

better but here’s the twist the highest potential group

potential group

potential group the researchers lied they just made up

the researchers lied they just made up

the researchers lied they just made up some random people and said oh they’re

some random people and said oh they’re

some random people and said oh they’re the highest potential go ahead and mess

the highest potential go ahead and mess

the highest potential go ahead and mess with it but the fascinating part is

with it but the fascinating part is

with it but the fascinating part is simply by the commanding officer seen

simply by the commanding officer seen

simply by the commanding officer seen these people and treating them

these people and treating them

these people and treating them differently those troops start to think

differently those troops start to think

differently those troops start to think act and believe it so and then perform

act and believe it so and then perform

act and believe it so and then perform as high performing troops what this

as high performing troops what this

as high performing troops what this means for you is that when you see

means for you is that when you see

means for you is that when you see someone and treat them differently based

someone and treat them differently based

someone and treat them differently based off of some label you have in your mind

off of some label you have in your mind

off of some label you have in your mind that actually plays a role and who they

that actually plays a role and who they

that actually plays a role and who they become now that we understand a little

become now that we understand a little

become now that we understand a little bit more about the self-image and the

bit more about the self-image and the

bit more about the self-image and the Pygmalion effect that’s the who you

Pygmalion effect that’s the who you

Pygmalion effect that’s the who you think you are part but what about the

think you are part but what about the

think you are part but what about the who you are what is that really well

who you are what is that really well

who you are what is that really well I’ll walk you through a simple thought

I’ll walk you through a simple thought

I’ll walk you through a simple thought experiment imagine that we’re in a world

experiment imagine that we’re in a world

experiment imagine that we’re in a world that we can create anything so we decide

that we can create anything so we decide

that we can create anything so we decide to make one basketball player who’s

to make one basketball player who’s

to make one basketball player who’s going to shoot basketball shots and

going to shoot basketball shots and

going to shoot basketball shots and named her Alice and Alice has a 50%

named her Alice and Alice has a 50%

named her Alice and Alice has a 50% ability to make a shot but she doesn’t

ability to make a shot but she doesn’t

ability to make a shot but she doesn’t know that so one day we give her the

know that so one day we give her the

know that so one day we give her the ball and say go ahead and shoot and

ball and say go ahead and shoot and

ball and say go ahead and shoot and she’s on fire she makes every single one

she’s on fire she makes every single one

she’s on fire she makes every single one comes back giving the ball and sits down

comes back giving the ball and sits down

comes back giving the ball and sits down pawns

pawns

pawns where do you think her self images

where do you think her self images

where do you think her self images probably really high because she’s made

probably really high because she’s made

probably really high because she’s made every single shot in her life but what

every single shot in her life but what

every single shot in her life but what if she missed all of them forward

if she missed all of them forward

if she missed all of them forward himself image be probably really low so

himself image be probably really low so

himself image be probably really low so here’s the follow-up question if Alice

here’s the follow-up question if Alice

here’s the follow-up question if Alice with the high self image kept shooting

with the high self image kept shooting

with the high self image kept shooting over and over again which she converts

over and over again which she converts

over and over again which she converts to 50% that we assigned her

to 50% that we assigned her

to 50% that we assigned her well yes but what if she had a low

well yes but what if she had a low

well yes but what if she had a low self-image would she converge no and

self-image would she converge no and

self-image would she converge no and that doesn’t make mathematical sense but

that doesn’t make mathematical sense but

that doesn’t make mathematical sense but here’s why as we learned earlier the

here’s why as we learned earlier the

here’s why as we learned earlier the self-image we get boxed in to who we

self-image we get boxed in to who we

self-image we get boxed in to who we think we are and with that we start to

think we are and with that we start to

think we are and with that we start to think act and believe in accordance even

think act and believe in accordance even

think act and believe in accordance even though we have more potential and that

though we have more potential and that

though we have more potential and that is the biggest fallacy that we make we

is the biggest fallacy that we make we

is the biggest fallacy that we make we go out in life make a mistake 5 10 15

go out in life make a mistake 5 10 15

go out in life make a mistake 5 10 15 times with trying something and conclude

times with trying something and conclude

times with trying something and conclude I’m no good at this I suck and then you

I’m no good at this I suck and then you

I’m no good at this I suck and then you get boxed in risking never fooling what

get boxed in risking never fooling what

get boxed in risking never fooling what you’re truly capable of becoming and

you’re truly capable of becoming and

you’re truly capable of becoming and that’s why it’s so critical to

that’s why it’s so critical to

that’s why it’s so critical to understand that who you think you are is

understand that who you think you are is

understand that who you think you are is a self-image and the Pygmalion effect

a self-image and the Pygmalion effect

a self-image and the Pygmalion effect but who you are is this percentage that

but who you are is this percentage that

but who you are is this percentage that Alice may never know she will never know

Alice may never know she will never know

Alice may never know she will never know that in her life just how you will not

that in her life just how you will not

that in her life just how you will not know who you are capable of becoming in

know who you are capable of becoming in

know who you are capable of becoming in your life so what does this have to do

your life so what does this have to do

your life so what does this have to do with John the guy in the classroom well

with John the guy in the classroom well

with John the guy in the classroom well I found out later that John went to a

I found out later that John went to a

I found out later that John went to a very prestigious College but after many

very prestigious College but after many

very prestigious College but after many diagnosis he didn’t breakthrough so he

diagnosis he didn’t breakthrough so he

diagnosis he didn’t breakthrough so he went to see a very prestigious doctor in

went to see a very prestigious doctor in

went to see a very prestigious doctor in the Bay Area hoping she would tell him

the Bay Area hoping she would tell him

the Bay Area hoping she would tell him something different so she goes to see

something different so she goes to see

something different so she goes to see him and she tells him something that

him and she tells him something that

him and she tells him something that changed his life what she told him was

changed his life what she told him was

changed his life what she told him was John I don’t think you have a permanent

John I don’t think you have a permanent

John I don’t think you have a permanent diagnosis but rather a temporary

diagnosis but rather a temporary

diagnosis but rather a temporary situation that if you change the

situation that if you change the

situation that if you change the environment your symptoms will go away

now here is the first time in John’s

now here is the first time in John’s life that someone told him I don’t think

life that someone told him I don’t think

life that someone told him I don’t think you have unipolar disorder so we started

you have unipolar disorder so we started

you have unipolar disorder so we started to question this over and over and he

to question this over and over and he

to question this over and over and he started to have get ready for it a

started to have get ready for it a

started to have get ready for it a awesome job

awesome job

awesome job in his mind of how he saw himself he

in his mind of how he saw himself he

in his mind of how he saw himself he started asked am i a person with

started asked am i a person with

started asked am i a person with unipolar disorder or is that who I think

unipolar disorder or is that who I think

unipolar disorder or is that who I think I am and he worked with this doctor

I am and he worked with this doctor

I am and he worked with this doctor week after week month after month three

week after week month after month three

week after week month after month three months go by six months go by a whole

months go by six months go by a whole

months go by six months go by a whole year goes by and he’s sitting in the

year goes by and he’s sitting in the

year goes by and he’s sitting in the classroom and the first time he felt

classroom and the first time he felt

classroom and the first time he felt felt an emotion that he hadn’t felt in

felt an emotion that he hadn’t felt in

felt an emotion that he hadn’t felt in years that regardless of all the past

years that regardless of all the past

years that regardless of all the past diagnoses and all the close calls of

diagnoses and all the close calls of

diagnoses and all the close calls of mortality he felt happiness symbolic

mortality he felt happiness symbolic

mortality he felt happiness symbolic that there is hope for a normal life and

that there is hope for a normal life and

that there is hope for a normal life and little did he know that seven years

little did he know that seven years

little did he know that seven years later she would be in the same town same

later she would be in the same town same

later she would be in the same town same school same building when he first felt

school same building when he first felt

school same building when he first felt these symptoms staying on this stage

these symptoms staying on this stage

these symptoms staying on this stage sharing his message with you John is not

sharing his message with you John is not

sharing his message with you John is not real I am John the conversation in the

real I am John the conversation in the

real I am John the conversation in the classroom how was my friend asking me if

classroom how was my friend asking me if

classroom how was my friend asking me if I was on drugs there’s story about the

I was on drugs there’s story about the

I was on drugs there’s story about the dog yeah he died but that was the first

dog yeah he died but that was the first

dog yeah he died but that was the first time my life I learned who I really was

time my life I learned who I really was

time my life I learned who I really was and how I can break through but it

and how I can break through but it

and how I can break through but it wasn’t a diagnosis that was the problem

wasn’t a diagnosis that was the problem

wasn’t a diagnosis that was the problem for was completely accurate it

for was completely accurate it

for was completely accurate it summarized my past experiences genetics

summarized my past experiences genetics

summarized my past experiences genetics and formed a conclusion to help but what

and formed a conclusion to help but what

and formed a conclusion to help but what also happened was they begin to

also happened was they begin to

also happened was they begin to associate myself with the label limiting

associate myself with the label limiting

associate myself with the label limiting my chance of breaking through and I got

my chance of breaking through and I got

my chance of breaking through and I got lucky I had someone sees something in me

lucky I had someone sees something in me

lucky I had someone sees something in me that I did not see myself and that’s

that I did not see myself and that’s

that I did not see myself and that’s what led to the breakthrough and that’s

what led to the breakthrough and that’s

what led to the breakthrough and that’s exactly the reason why I’m here today

exactly the reason why I’m here today

exactly the reason why I’m here today because you may know someone who has a

because you may know someone who has a

because you may know someone who has a label that’s holding them back or maybe

label that’s holding them back or maybe

label that’s holding them back or maybe that’s you and hopefully from the

that’s you and hopefully from the

that’s you and hopefully from the information stalk you can create that

information stalk you can create that

information stalk you can create that breakthrough you were looking for to

breakthrough you were looking for to

breakthrough you were looking for to wrap up I hope you had a get ready for

wrap up I hope you had a get ready for

wrap up I hope you had a get ready for it

it

it and you’re thinking that who you think

and you’re thinking that who you think

and you’re thinking that who you think you are is your past experiences but who

you are is your past experiences but who

you are is your past experiences but who you are lies dormant and for you to

you are lies dormant and for you to

you are lies dormant and for you to discover at the labels that you see

discover at the labels that you see

discover at the labels that you see people actually change the way they

people actually change the way they

people actually change the way they become for the better or for the worse

and lastly

and lastly that you had a that you’re not who you

that you had a that you’re not who you

that you had a that you’re not who you think you are