let me tell you a story and like all good stories this one starts with
good stories this one starts with
good stories this one starts with science okay so maybe it’s a nerd story
science okay so maybe it’s a nerd story
science okay so maybe it’s a nerd story about the mind in the body but it’s
about the mind in the body but it’s
about the mind in the body but it’s still worth hearing what science tells
still worth hearing what science tells
still worth hearing what science tells us is that some of us are more likely to
us is that some of us are more likely to
us is that some of us are more likely to have terrible adulthoods the depth of
have terrible adulthoods the depth of
have terrible adulthoods the depth of terrible and the likelihood of terrible
terrible and the likelihood of terrible
terrible and the likelihood of terrible is determined by what happens to us as
is determined by what happens to us as
is determined by what happens to us as children particularly negative
children particularly negative
children particularly negative experiences scientists like to use terms
experiences scientists like to use terms
experiences scientists like to use terms that can be quantified so they refer to
that can be quantified so they refer to
that can be quantified so they refer to these negative experiences as early life
these negative experiences as early life
these negative experiences as early life adversity or adverse childhood
adversity or adverse childhood
adversity or adverse childhood experiences also known as aces aces
experiences also known as aces aces
experiences also known as aces aces include things like poverty and not kind
include things like poverty and not kind
include things like poverty and not kind of poverty where your parents couldn’t
of poverty where your parents couldn’t
of poverty where your parents couldn’t afford a second home by the lake but the
afford a second home by the lake but the
afford a second home by the lake but the kind of poverty that makes you feel
kind of poverty that makes you feel
kind of poverty that makes you feel unsafe your well-being is in question
unsafe your well-being is in question
unsafe your well-being is in question you don’t know where your next meal is
you don’t know where your next meal is
you don’t know where your next meal is coming from you don’t know if you’re
coming from you don’t know if you’re
coming from you don’t know if you’re going to have safe housing having a
going to have safe housing having a
going to have safe housing having a parent with drug and alcohol abuse
parent with drug and alcohol abuse
parent with drug and alcohol abuse problems a parent with mental illness
problems a parent with mental illness
problems a parent with mental illness all aces abuse whether it’s physical
all aces abuse whether it’s physical
all aces abuse whether it’s physical mental or sexual high on the a scale the
mental or sexual high on the a scale the
mental or sexual high on the a scale the list goes on and on but I think you get
list goes on and on but I think you get
list goes on and on but I think you get the idea anything that feels terrible
the idea anything that feels terrible
the idea anything that feels terrible and causes a strong stress response
and causes a strong stress response
and causes a strong stress response probably an ace so what’s a nice poster
probably an ace so what’s a nice poster
probably an ace so what’s a nice poster child look like yep that’s me age eight
child look like yep that’s me age eight
child look like yep that’s me age eight this photo was taken shortly after I
this photo was taken shortly after I
this photo was taken shortly after I entered into the foster care system
entered into the foster care system
entered into the foster care system unfortunately for me on the day that
unfortunately for me on the day that
unfortunately for me on the day that that happened they couldn’t find a
that happened they couldn’t find a
that happened they couldn’t find a placement so I was taken to juvie for
placement so I was taken to juvie for
placement so I was taken to juvie for those of you unacquainted with the
those of you unacquainted with the
those of you unacquainted with the juvenile
juvenile
juvenile justice system that’s a prison for young
justice system that’s a prison for young
justice system that’s a prison for young offenders and when you get to juvie
offenders and when you get to juvie
offenders and when you get to juvie there’s a procedure doesn’t matter how
there’s a procedure doesn’t matter how
there’s a procedure doesn’t matter how you got there you got to follow the
you got there you got to follow the
you got there you got to follow the procedure so I was driven into a
procedure so I was driven into a
procedure so I was driven into a compound surrounded by razor wire take
compound surrounded by razor wire take
compound surrounded by razor wire take into a reception area let me tell you it
into a reception area let me tell you it
into a reception area let me tell you it was not like a hotel and I was sat down
was not like a hotel and I was sat down
was not like a hotel and I was sat down at a desk and I was told to remove all
at a desk and I was told to remove all
at a desk and I was told to remove all of my personal items and I had just had
of my personal items and I had just had
of my personal items and I had just had my ears pierced and I was so sad because
my ears pierced and I was so sad because
my ears pierced and I was so sad because I knew that the holes would close up so
I knew that the holes would close up so
I knew that the holes would close up so they locked away my personal items in a
they locked away my personal items in a
they locked away my personal items in a filing cabinet and I was taken to a
filing cabinet and I was taken to a
filing cabinet and I was taken to a shower area where I was told to strip
shower area where I was told to strip
shower area where I was told to strip and shower in front of a complete
and shower in front of a complete
and shower in front of a complete stranger and then I was deloused with
stranger and then I was deloused with
stranger and then I was deloused with the lousy powder and I was given a set
the lousy powder and I was given a set
the lousy powder and I was given a set of juvie clothes and taken to my room
of juvie clothes and taken to my room
of juvie clothes and taken to my room which in juvie even in the least
which in juvie even in the least
which in juvie even in the least restrictive unit there is a cell talk
restrictive unit there is a cell talk
restrictive unit there is a cell talk about an adverse childhood experience
about an adverse childhood experience
about an adverse childhood experience remember I’m age eight so what happens
remember I’m age eight so what happens
remember I’m age eight so what happens to a kid that’s had a lot of aces well
to a kid that’s had a lot of aces well
to a kid that’s had a lot of aces well unfortunately science tells us that the
unfortunately science tells us that the
unfortunately science tells us that the outcomes are not very good a large study
outcomes are not very good a large study
outcomes are not very good a large study done by Kaiser Permanente and the
done by Kaiser Permanente and the
done by Kaiser Permanente and the Centers for Disease Control published by
Centers for Disease Control published by
Centers for Disease Control published by silletti and colleagues in 1998 told us
silletti and colleagues in 1998 told us
silletti and colleagues in 1998 told us that folks like me have a common
that folks like me have a common
that folks like me have a common trajectory and that led to the
trajectory and that led to the
trajectory and that led to the development of the ACE pyramid which I
development of the ACE pyramid which I
development of the ACE pyramid which I have rien visioned here so basically
have rien visioned here so basically
have rien visioned here so basically what happens is you have those aces and
what happens is you have those aces and
what happens is you have those aces and as a kid you’re gonna struggle
as a kid you’re gonna struggle
as a kid you’re gonna struggle emotionally cognitively socially in my
emotionally cognitively socially in my
emotionally cognitively socially in my case I had very severe learning
case I had very severe learning
case I had very severe learning disabilities and I didn’t learn to read
disabilities and I didn’t learn to read
disabilities and I didn’t learn to read functionally until almost the fourth
functionally until almost the fourth
functionally until almost the fourth grade math was a huge problem and
grade math was a huge problem and
grade math was a huge problem and remained a huge problem
remained a huge problem
remained a huge problem then you enter adolescence and you want
then you enter adolescence and you want
then you enter adolescence and you want to escape
to escape
to escape from all those adverse childhood
from all those adverse childhood
from all those adverse childhood experiences all that stress and he
experiences all that stress and he
experiences all that stress and he started to engage in high-risk behaviors
started to engage in high-risk behaviors
started to engage in high-risk behaviors like drug and alcohol abuse I’ve been
like drug and alcohol abuse I’ve been
like drug and alcohol abuse I’ve been there I’ve done that aces high risk
there I’ve done that aces high risk
there I’ve done that aces high risk behaviors galore then you get to
behaviors galore then you get to
behaviors galore then you get to adulthood and unfortunately all those
adulthood and unfortunately all those
adulthood and unfortunately all those high risk behaviors and all that stress
high risk behaviors and all that stress
high risk behaviors and all that stress begins to take a toll on the body and
begins to take a toll on the body and
begins to take a toll on the body and you begin to get sick and you begin to
you begin to get sick and you begin to
you begin to get sick and you begin to have disease and you begin to have
have disease and you begin to have
have disease and you begin to have problems in society if you keep up those
problems in society if you keep up those
problems in society if you keep up those high-risk behaviors when someone like me
high-risk behaviors when someone like me
high-risk behaviors when someone like me sees the ACE pyramid it’s hard not to be
sees the ACE pyramid it’s hard not to be
sees the ACE pyramid it’s hard not to be disheartened really that’s my future and
disheartened really that’s my future and
disheartened really that’s my future and early death and the good news it goes on
early death and the good news it goes on
early death and the good news it goes on and that’s sarcasm of course it turns
and that’s sarcasm of course it turns
and that’s sarcasm of course it turns out that if your brain is bathed in
out that if your brain is bathed in
out that if your brain is bathed in stress hormones growing up particularly
stress hormones growing up particularly
stress hormones growing up particularly during critical periods of development
during critical periods of development
during critical periods of development the structure of the brain becomes
the structure of the brain becomes
the structure of the brain becomes altered the gray matter which is the
altered the gray matter which is the
altered the gray matter which is the neurons and combined with the support
neurons and combined with the support
neurons and combined with the support cells that gray matter gets altered and
cells that gray matter gets altered and
cells that gray matter gets altered and the white matter which are the ways that
the white matter which are the ways that
the white matter which are the ways that neurons communicate with each other
neurons communicate with each other
neurons communicate with each other through axonal tracts those are those
through axonal tracts those are those
through axonal tracts those are those fiber tracts the white matter gets
fiber tracts the white matter gets
fiber tracts the white matter gets changed also
changed also
changed also for example the hippocampus which is an
for example the hippocampus which is an
for example the hippocampus which is an area of the brain critical for the
area of the brain critical for the
area of the brain critical for the development of long term memory that
development of long term memory that
development of long term memory that gets affected fewer cells there also
gets affected fewer cells there also
gets affected fewer cells there also another part of the limbic system the
another part of the limbic system the
another part of the limbic system the amygdala that helps us respond to the
amygdala that helps us respond to the
amygdala that helps us respond to the threats
threats
threats it’s our fear and aggression Center how
it’s our fear and aggression Center how
it’s our fear and aggression Center how it gets wired is different and the
it gets wired is different and the
it gets wired is different and the prefrontal cortex that’s our executive
prefrontal cortex that’s our executive
prefrontal cortex that’s our executive part of the brain and
part of the brain and
part of the brain and helps with decision-making and planning
helps with decision-making and planning
helps with decision-making and planning and controlling the rest of the brain so
and controlling the rest of the brain so
and controlling the rest of the brain so it doesn’t respond to everything as a
it doesn’t respond to everything as a
it doesn’t respond to everything as a threat that gets affected too when you
threat that gets affected too when you
threat that gets affected too when you have a lot of trauma or aces growing up
have a lot of trauma or aces growing up
have a lot of trauma or aces growing up a study done by Wang and colleagues and
a study done by Wang and colleagues and
a study done by Wang and colleagues and published in 2012 examined white matter
published in 2012 examined white matter
published in 2012 examined white matter changes in adolescents exposed to trauma
changes in adolescents exposed to trauma
changes in adolescents exposed to trauma or maltreatment growing up and
or maltreatment growing up and
or maltreatment growing up and adolescents who had not been and the way
adolescents who had not been and the way
adolescents who had not been and the way Wang colleagues did this study was they
Wang colleagues did this study was they
Wang colleagues did this study was they used a technique called fractional angio
used a technique called fractional angio
used a technique called fractional angio trophy and that’s a MRI assisted
trophy and that’s a MRI assisted
trophy and that’s a MRI assisted diffusion measurement that looks at the
diffusion measurement that looks at the
diffusion measurement that looks at the white matter you don’t have to
white matter you don’t have to
white matter you don’t have to understand all of the neurobiology and
understand all of the neurobiology and
understand all of the neurobiology and her anatomy technology here I had to get
her anatomy technology here I had to get
her anatomy technology here I had to get a PhD in neurobiology behavior from the
a PhD in neurobiology behavior from the
a PhD in neurobiology behavior from the University of Washington in Seattle to
University of Washington in Seattle to
University of Washington in Seattle to be able to do that but what I would like
be able to do that but what I would like
be able to do that but what I would like you to do is to be able to look at this
you to do is to be able to look at this
you to do is to be able to look at this image and on the top panel you can see
image and on the top panel you can see
image and on the top panel you can see the areas of the brain that were
the areas of the brain that were
the areas of the brain that were affected where Wang found changes and
affected where Wang found changes and
affected where Wang found changes and down below are those fa scores and if
down below are those fa scores and if
down below are those fa scores and if you look you can see that the maltreated
you look you can see that the maltreated
you look you can see that the maltreated youth consistently have lower scores and
youth consistently have lower scores and
youth consistently have lower scores and that’s across that panel additionally
that’s across that panel additionally
that’s across that panel additionally when they measure these youths again
when they measure these youths again
when they measure these youths again five years later the ones that have
five years later the ones that have
five years later the ones that have lower SI scores they had higher rates of
lower SI scores they had higher rates of
lower SI scores they had higher rates of depression so this is just a single
depression so this is just a single
depression so this is just a single study we have to be cautious about how
study we have to be cautious about how
study we have to be cautious about how we interpret a single study but lots of
we interpret a single study but lots of
we interpret a single study but lots of research has been done since then
research has been done since then
research has been done since then showing both gray and white matter
showing both gray and white matter
showing both gray and white matter changes in individuals who’ve
changes in individuals who’ve
changes in individuals who’ve experienced a lot of aces so with a
experienced a lot of aces so with a
experienced a lot of aces so with a neurobiologist I felt pretty safe in
neurobiologist I felt pretty safe in
neurobiologist I felt pretty safe in saying the researchers are probably
saying the researchers are probably
saying the researchers are probably right my brain it is whacked this is a
right my brain it is whacked this is a
right my brain it is whacked this is a picture of my mother as a young girl
picture of my mother as a young girl
picture of my mother as a young girl woman adolescent
woman adolescent
woman adolescent and she had a whacked brain too like me
and she had a whacked brain too like me
and she had a whacked brain too like me she ended up being taken away because of
she ended up being taken away because of
she ended up being taken away because of her mother’s mental illness she went
her mother’s mental illness she went
her mother’s mental illness she went into an orphanage and at age seven she
into an orphanage and at age seven she
into an orphanage and at age seven she was adopted but that worked out kind of
was adopted but that worked out kind of
was adopted but that worked out kind of like somebody getting a pet from the
like somebody getting a pet from the
like somebody getting a pet from the shelter giving it a name and the
shelter giving it a name and the
shelter giving it a name and the deciding that they didn’t like it and
deciding that they didn’t like it and
deciding that they didn’t like it and taking it back I went into foster care
taking it back I went into foster care
taking it back I went into foster care at age eight and although I was never
at age eight and although I was never
at age eight and although I was never adopted I bounced around from home to
adopted I bounced around from home to
adopted I bounced around from home to home just like my mother did at 13 my
home just like my mother did at 13 my
home just like my mother did at 13 my mom ran away and she became a teen
mom ran away and she became a teen
mom ran away and she became a teen parents I ran away at almost sixteen and
parents I ran away at almost sixteen and
parents I ran away at almost sixteen and I at 17 became a teen parents neither my
I at 17 became a teen parents neither my
I at 17 became a teen parents neither my mother nor I graduated from high school
mother nor I graduated from high school
mother nor I graduated from high school both of us ended up in abusive
both of us ended up in abusive
both of us ended up in abusive relationships both of us sadly attempted
relationships both of us sadly attempted
relationships both of us sadly attempted suicide so how is it that I went on to
suicide so how is it that I went on to
suicide so how is it that I went on to get a PhD and my mother bounced in and
get a PhD and my mother bounced in and
get a PhD and my mother bounced in and out of mental institutions eventually
out of mental institutions eventually
out of mental institutions eventually becoming a missing person under
becoming a missing person under
becoming a missing person under suspicious circumstances
suspicious circumstances
suspicious circumstances the police thinks she was murdered but
the police thinks she was murdered but
the police thinks she was murdered but unfortunately her body was never found
unfortunately her body was never found
unfortunately her body was never found and I I raised a daughter who never went
and I I raised a daughter who never went
and I I raised a daughter who never went into foster care
into foster care
into foster care overcame winding poverty homelessness
overcame winding poverty homelessness
overcame winding poverty homelessness with a baby in tow over to low
with a baby in tow over to low
with a baby in tow over to low self-worth I came to terms with my
self-worth I came to terms with my
self-worth I came to terms with my learning disabilities and my mental
learning disabilities and my mental
learning disabilities and my mental health challenges and I’m standing here
health challenges and I’m standing here
health challenges and I’m standing here today giving a TEDx talk whoa how did
today giving a TEDx talk whoa how did
today giving a TEDx talk whoa how did that happen seriously how did that
that happen seriously how did that
that happen seriously how did that happen well I can tell you one reason it
happen well I can tell you one reason it
happen well I can tell you one reason it half
half
half it’s because I decided not to be a
it’s because I decided not to be a
it’s because I decided not to be a victim of my past that’s easier said
victim of my past that’s easier said
victim of my past that’s easier said than done of course and I am NOT going
than done of course and I am NOT going
than done of course and I am NOT going to pretend otherwise this is a picture
to pretend otherwise this is a picture
to pretend otherwise this is a picture taken from my book alternate ending an
taken from my book alternate ending an
taken from my book alternate ending an inspirational true story about beating
inspirational true story about beating
inspirational true story about beating the odds it’s a double exposure maybe
the odds it’s a double exposure maybe
the odds it’s a double exposure maybe some of you are too young to know what
some of you are too young to know what
some of you are too young to know what that is but that’s back when cameras use
that is but that’s back when cameras use
that is but that’s back when cameras use film and the film wouldn’t advance all
film and the film wouldn’t advance all
film and the film wouldn’t advance all of the way and he would end up with two
of the way and he would end up with two
of the way and he would end up with two images in the same frame’
images in the same frame’
images in the same frame’ I picked it for the cover of my book
I picked it for the cover of my book
I picked it for the cover of my book because I think it represents the parts
because I think it represents the parts
because I think it represents the parts that we all have inside each of us has
that we all have inside each of us has
that we all have inside each of us has the potential to be a victim or maybe
the potential to be a victim or maybe
the potential to be a victim or maybe we’ve been a victim but we also have the
we’ve been a victim but we also have the
we’ve been a victim but we also have the potential to be our own hero and that’s
potential to be our own hero and that’s
potential to be our own hero and that’s me with my hands on my hips we are more
me with my hands on my hips we are more
me with my hands on my hips we are more than the product of our past we are the
than the product of our past we are the
than the product of our past we are the product of our actions and our beliefs
product of our actions and our beliefs
product of our actions and our beliefs this isn’t about being sunny or
this isn’t about being sunny or
this isn’t about being sunny or optimistic or saying positive
optimistic or saying positive
optimistic or saying positive affirmations every day those things will
affirmations every day those things will
affirmations every day those things will help but they will never be enough when
help but they will never be enough when
help but they will never be enough when all you want to do is lay down in the
all you want to do is lay down in the
all you want to do is lay down in the middle of the road
middle of the road
middle of the road and die this is about getting up
and die this is about getting up
and die this is about getting up brushing your dirty hair because you
brushing your dirty hair because you
brushing your dirty hair because you didn’t have enough energy to take a
didn’t have enough energy to take a
didn’t have enough energy to take a shower and putting one foot in front of
shower and putting one foot in front of
shower and putting one foot in front of the other and tell you we’re sitting in
the other and tell you we’re sitting in
the other and tell you we’re sitting in your classroom sitting at your dusting
your classroom sitting at your dusting
your classroom sitting at your dusting at work or if needed sitting in a
at work or if needed sitting in a
at work or if needed sitting in a doctor’s office asking for help this is
doctor’s office asking for help this is
doctor’s office asking for help this is about using your strengths and not
about using your strengths and not
about using your strengths and not spending all your time focusing on your
spending all your time focusing on your
spending all your time focusing on your weaknesses it’s about not expecting your
weaknesses it’s about not expecting your
weaknesses it’s about not expecting your road
road
road to look like anyone else’s it’s your
to look like anyone else’s it’s your
to look like anyone else’s it’s your Road and your road alone
Road and your road alone
Road and your road alone it’s about owning up the fact that your
it’s about owning up the fact that your
it’s about owning up the fact that your brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s
brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s
brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s but being willing to try and try again
but being willing to try and try again
but being willing to try and try again anyway it’s about making sacrifices and
anyway it’s about making sacrifices and
anyway it’s about making sacrifices and feeling uncomfortable really often so
feeling uncomfortable really often so
feeling uncomfortable really often so what happens if you do all that can you
what happens if you do all that can you
what happens if you do all that can you do it over and over and over again well
do it over and over and over again well
do it over and over and over again well as a neurobiologist I can tell you that
as a neurobiologist I can tell you that
as a neurobiologist I can tell you that eventually your brain will change it
eventually your brain will change it
eventually your brain will change it will start to look like all those people
will start to look like all those people
will start to look like all those people who didn’t have a bunch of aces growing
who didn’t have a bunch of aces growing
who didn’t have a bunch of aces growing up not exactly like theirs but more
up not exactly like theirs but more
up not exactly like theirs but more similar over time the things that once
similar over time the things that once
similar over time the things that once seemed hard will get easier your goals
seemed hard will get easier your goals
seemed hard will get easier your goals will get closer and closer and closer
will get closer and closer and closer
will get closer and closer and closer and then one day you will have achieved
and then one day you will have achieved
and then one day you will have achieved them but only if you swim through all of
them but only if you swim through all of
them but only if you swim through all of the muck scientists and research studies
the muck scientists and research studies
the muck scientists and research studies they do not define us we define us the
they do not define us we define us the
they do not define us we define us the ongoing unsexy application of will that
ongoing unsexy application of will that
ongoing unsexy application of will that defines us I think it’s important to
defines us I think it’s important to
defines us I think it’s important to note here that other people can make the
note here that other people can make the
note here that other people can make the application of will either easier or
application of will either easier or
application of will either easier or harder if you’re someone in the audience
harder if you’re someone in the audience
harder if you’re someone in the audience that wants to help a grown age poster
that wants to help a grown age poster
that wants to help a grown age poster child like me please know that you can’t
child like me please know that you can’t
child like me please know that you can’t rescue them they actually have to rescue
rescue them they actually have to rescue
rescue them they actually have to rescue themselves but what you can do is you
themselves but what you can do is you
themselves but what you can do is you can offer them love and you can offer
can offer them love and you can offer
can offer them love and you can offer them support and you can offer them
them support and you can offer them
them support and you can offer them encouragement and that is a blessing of
encouragement and that is a blessing of
encouragement and that is a blessing of immense proportion and it will make a
immense proportion and it will make a
immense proportion and it will make a difference
difference
difference any other eighth poster children out
any other eighth poster children out
any other eighth poster children out there in the audience maybe you’re
there in the audience maybe you’re
there in the audience maybe you’re sitting there you’re really wondering
sitting there you’re really wondering
sitting there you’re really wondering can I have a better life well my life
can I have a better life well my life
can I have a better life well my life ever be happy absolutely absolutely
ever be happy absolutely absolutely
ever be happy absolutely absolutely I’m standing here today as proof I got
I’m standing here today as proof I got
I’m standing here today as proof I got here because I was willing to take risks
here because I was willing to take risks
here because I was willing to take risks you don’t have to drive a motorcycle
you don’t have to drive a motorcycle
you don’t have to drive a motorcycle 6,000 miles cross country solo like I
6,000 miles cross country solo like I
6,000 miles cross country solo like I did but you have to be willing to be
did but you have to be willing to be
did but you have to be willing to be scared some of the time and keep moving
scared some of the time and keep moving
scared some of the time and keep moving forward
forward
forward science it informs but there are always
science it informs but there are always
science it informs but there are always exceptions to the studies out there and
exceptions to the studies out there and
exceptions to the studies out there and you if you’re an ace poster child you
you if you’re an ace poster child you
you if you’re an ace poster child you can be one of those exceptions don’t let
can be one of those exceptions don’t let
can be one of those exceptions don’t let anyone tell you otherwise thank you
you
you [Music]
”
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