[Applause] hello I’m rejected I’m an anxious
hello I’m rejected I’m an anxious
hello I’m rejected I’m an anxious depressed
depressed
depressed obsessive-compulsive 21 year old woman
obsessive-compulsive 21 year old woman
obsessive-compulsive 21 year old woman and I’m a victim of a type of sexual
and I’m a victim of a type of sexual
and I’m a victim of a type of sexual assault I don’t know existed until six
assault I don’t know existed until six
assault I don’t know existed until six months ago but despite all that I’m here
months ago but despite all that I’m here
months ago but despite all that I’m here I’m alive and well and I’m really happy
I’m alive and well and I’m really happy
I’m alive and well and I’m really happy considering unfortunately many people in
considering unfortunately many people in
considering unfortunately many people in my position aren’t so happy also fine
my position aren’t so happy also fine
my position aren’t so happy also fine after their dealings with the murky
after their dealings with the murky
after their dealings with the murky mystical gray area of section of that is
mystical gray area of section of that is
mystical gray area of section of that is unwilling consent so over the next 50
unwilling consent so over the next 50
unwilling consent so over the next 50 minutes or so I want to use my
minutes or so I want to use my
minutes or so I want to use my experiences and what I’ve learned
experiences and what I’ve learned
experiences and what I’ve learned through them to make you think about how
through them to make you think about how
through them to make you think about how we can better around the subject so I
we can better around the subject so I
we can better around the subject so I was 13 that’s that’s yeah sorry
was 13 that’s that’s yeah sorry
was 13 that’s that’s yeah sorry but anyway 13 yeah judging me in the
but anyway 13 yeah judging me in the
but anyway 13 yeah judging me in the background and those are lipstick stains
background and those are lipstick stains
background and those are lipstick stains on my walls this was the night I met him
on my walls this was the night I met him
on my walls this was the night I met him I couldn’t be so excited he was 14 one
I couldn’t be so excited he was 14 one
I couldn’t be so excited he was 14 one year older than me I could not believe
year older than me I could not believe
year older than me I could not believe that someone older than me was
that someone older than me was
that someone older than me was interested because yeah it was outgoing
interested because yeah it was outgoing
interested because yeah it was outgoing I was confident but deep down I was
I was confident but deep down I was
I was confident but deep down I was still painfully shy and extremely
still painfully shy and extremely
still painfully shy and extremely insecure so age meant Authority if I had
insecure so age meant Authority if I had
insecure so age meant Authority if I had if someone older than me about their
if someone older than me about their
if someone older than me about their interests I would immediately battle
interests I would immediately battle
interests I would immediately battle down I’m you know like this thank you so
down I’m you know like this thank you so
down I’m you know like this thank you so much I am so validated thank you so it
much I am so validated thank you so it
much I am so validated thank you so it was validation right I thought the world
was validation right I thought the world
was validation right I thought the world of
of
of even though I only met him at a youth 16
even though I only met him at a youth 16
even though I only met him at a youth 16 event which is essentially non 60s disco
event which is essentially non 60s disco
event which is essentially non 60s disco my friends also met some I may like that
my friends also met some I may like that
my friends also met some I may like that night it was amazing it was like there
night it was amazing it was like there
night it was amazing it was like there was this divine cosmic tapestry movement
was this divine cosmic tapestry movement
was this divine cosmic tapestry movement in front of our very eyes and we’d
in front of our very eyes and we’d
in front of our very eyes and we’d already started dreaming about all
already started dreaming about all
already started dreaming about all wonderful things we could do together
wonderful things we could do together
wonderful things we could do together with our newfound partners walking
with our newfound partners walking
with our newfound partners walking hand-in-hand on the beach walking arm
hand-in-hand on the beach walking arm
hand-in-hand on the beach walking arm into a cinema perhaps lucky us that
into a cinema perhaps lucky us that
into a cinema perhaps lucky us that happened a few days after we went to see
this spot the conflicts in my mind
this spot the conflicts in my mind because I was meeting the boy I was
because I was meeting the boy I was
because I was meeting the boy I was going on a date this is my step into
going on a date this is my step into
going on a date this is my step into adulthood but yes we will see the
adulthood but yes we will see the
adulthood but yes we will see the ultimate children’s movie Shrek will be
ultimate children’s movie Shrek will be
ultimate children’s movie Shrek will be I’ve got some children at the same time
I’ve got some children at the same time
I’ve got some children at the same time it’s fine it gets uncomfortable hey guys
it’s fine it gets uncomfortable hey guys
it’s fine it gets uncomfortable hey guys because it’s about sexual assault and in
because it’s about sexual assault and in
because it’s about sexual assault and in both Frank I want you to fight through
both Frank I want you to fight through
both Frank I want you to fight through that uncomfortable feeling Detroit find
that uncomfortable feeling Detroit find
that uncomfortable feeling Detroit find an element of comedy because that’s what
an element of comedy because that’s what
an element of comedy because that’s what I’ve had to learn to do he texted me
I’ve had to learn to do he texted me
I’ve had to learn to do he texted me before he said good morning I’m very
before he said good morning I’m very
before he said good morning I’m very excited to see you
excited to see you
excited to see you I responded I have these expectations I
I responded I have these expectations I
I responded I have these expectations I could not wait to see come to life you
could not wait to see come to life you
could not wait to see come to life you know and perhaps a young around they’re
know and perhaps a young around they’re
know and perhaps a young around they’re exchanging glances with my friends over
exchanging glances with my friends over
exchanging glances with my friends over there
there
there so the day P we stopped a few rows along
so the day P we stopped a few rows along
so the day P we stopped a few rows along from my craft we wanted to be alone we
from my craft we wanted to be alone we
from my craft we wanted to be alone we wanted to be step right remember we were
wanted to be step right remember we were
wanted to be step right remember we were adults watching Shrek but we were adults
adults watching Shrek but we were adults
adults watching Shrek but we were adults at the same time it’s fine it’s fine so
at the same time it’s fine it’s fine so
at the same time it’s fine it’s fine so he puts his hand on my neck
it’s happening I’ve entered a corporate
it’s happening I’ve entered a corporate adult leaders here this is happening
adult leaders here this is happening
adult leaders here this is happening okay and then he put sound of it oh my
okay and then he put sound of it oh my
okay and then he put sound of it oh my oh there this is not viable no this is
oh there this is not viable no this is
oh there this is not viable no this is not what I wanted you know hot this know
not what I wanted you know hot this know
not what I wanted you know hot this know our shit want this I’m an adult
our shit want this I’m an adult
our shit want this I’m an adult this is what adults do I should be
this is what adults do I should be
this is what adults do I should be excited this is what people do you see
excited this is what people do you see
excited this is what people do you see in the movies all the time you know kind
in the movies all the time you know kind
in the movies all the time you know kind of they’re very nice exciting but
of they’re very nice exciting but
of they’re very nice exciting but nevertheless like I didn’t want it so I
nevertheless like I didn’t want it so I
nevertheless like I didn’t want it so I put my hand there I’ll stop there in
put my hand there I’ll stop there in
put my hand there I’ll stop there in terms of detail so it’s awkward because
terms of detail so it’s awkward because
terms of detail so it’s awkward because I said no with my hands but I have eased
I said no with my hands but I have eased
I said no with my hands but I have eased my voice so didn’t I consent to it I
my voice so didn’t I consent to it I
my voice so didn’t I consent to it I still don’t know it happened to me I
still don’t know it happened to me I
still don’t know it happened to me I have no idea
have no idea
have no idea anyway it happened I hated every minute
anyway it happened I hated every minute
anyway it happened I hated every minute of it
of it
of it but it happened we all came tired me a
but it happened we all came tired me a
but it happened we all came tired me a big girl asleep over and I thought to
big girl asleep over and I thought to
big girl asleep over and I thought to myself you know my control I couldn’t do
myself you know my control I couldn’t do
myself you know my control I couldn’t do anything about that was out of my
anything about that was out of my
anything about that was out of my control said you know what I’m going to
control said you know what I’m going to
control said you know what I’m going to do I’m gonna try and get some control
do I’m gonna try and get some control
do I’m gonna try and get some control back so I thought I’ll tell my closest
back so I thought I’ll tell my closest
back so I thought I’ll tell my closest friends why not do you want to help me
friends why not do you want to help me
friends why not do you want to help me I’ll make it sound like I wanted it
I’ll make it sound like I wanted it
I’ll make it sound like I wanted it because they don’t you convinced myself
because they don’t you convinced myself
because they don’t you convinced myself I wanted it it didn’t happen so I told
I wanted it it didn’t happen so I told
I wanted it it didn’t happen so I told them my closest friends and they reacted
them my closest friends and they reacted
them my closest friends and they reacted oh they were very excited so I arrived
oh they were very excited so I arrived
oh they were very excited so I arrived at school the next day everybody knew
at school the next day everybody knew
at school the next day everybody knew they had told everyone they’ve taken
they had told everyone they’ve taken
they had told everyone they’ve taken something so personal to me and felt so
something so personal to me and felt so
something so personal to me and felt so they can shout it from the rooftops
they can shout it from the rooftops
they can shout it from the rooftops that’s what people do especially
that’s what people do especially
that’s what people do especially thirteen-year-old girls I got the
thirteen-year-old girls I got the
thirteen-year-old girls I got the classic I got the slut I got the slacks
classic I got the slut I got the slacks
classic I got the slut I got the slacks I got the whole I was 30
I got the whole I was 30
I got the whole I was 30 I got someone come up today and say I
I got someone come up today and say I
I got someone come up today and say I heard he used strong no let me get you
heard he used strong no let me get you
heard he used strong no let me get you strong actually Boston my head thinking
strong actually Boston my head thinking
strong actually Boston my head thinking [Music]
[Music]
[Music] that gives you an idea of the sort of
that gives you an idea of the sort of
that gives you an idea of the sort of shape the room has started to take they
shape the room has started to take they
shape the room has started to take they created their own narrative and now it’s
created their own narrative and now it’s
created their own narrative and now it’s a great sort of my closest friends
a great sort of my closest friends
a great sort of my closest friends threatened to sell it to the newspapers
so I don’t know a 13 year old girl
so I don’t know a 13 year old girl doesn’t when they are upset in there her
doesn’t when they are upset in there her
doesn’t when they are upset in there her and I came back to my mum and I cried I
and I came back to my mum and I cried I
and I came back to my mum and I cried I cried and cried and cried and she did
cried and cried and cried and she did
cried and cried and cried and she did that what to do so she just came to the
that what to do so she just came to the
that what to do so she just came to the best advice she is she texting Ted how
best advice she is she texting Ted how
best advice she is she texting Ted how you feel so I took part of that advice I
you feel so I took part of that advice I
you feel so I took part of that advice I texted him I told him how I felt I also
texted him I told him how I felt I also
texted him I told him how I felt I also asked him what I should do calling me
asked him what I should do calling me
asked him what I should do calling me names I don’t know what to do what
names I don’t know what to do what
names I don’t know what to do what should I do
should I do
should I do you know we should did kill yourself
you know we should did kill yourself
you know we should did kill yourself slut Hugh by depression making its grand
slut Hugh by depression making its grand
slut Hugh by depression making its grand entrance
entrance
entrance Stage Left so yes okay hate yes after it
Stage Left so yes okay hate yes after it
Stage Left so yes okay hate yes after it all happened I saw him no Club I went
all happened I saw him no Club I went
all happened I saw him no Club I went back into that same to say of panic and
back into that same to say of panic and
back into that same to say of panic and dread in after shame that I felt all
dread in after shame that I felt all
dread in after shame that I felt all those years ago at school
those years ago at school
those years ago at school and I ran out of crying I’ve got a taxi
and I ran out of crying I’ve got a taxi
and I ran out of crying I’ve got a taxi home and I figure out why I was still
home and I figure out why I was still
home and I figure out why I was still annoyed which is kick as many years ago
annoyed which is kick as many years ago
annoyed which is kick as many years ago and then I saw this post or night so the
and then I saw this post or night so the
and then I saw this post or night so the key parts of this post are unwittingly
key parts of this post are unwittingly
key parts of this post are unwittingly consented enacted or violated but don’t
consented enacted or violated but don’t
consented enacted or violated but don’t feel like they can say they were raped
feel like they can say they were raped
feel like they can say they were raped or molested nobody talks about
or molested nobody talks about
or molested nobody talks about today nobody tells you that you were in
today nobody tells you that you were in
today nobody tells you that you were in fact abused and it could take you years
fact abused and it could take you years
fact abused and it could take you years to realize that what happened to you is
to realize that what happened to you is
to realize that what happened to you is wrong rape and molestation it can happen
wrong rape and molestation it can happen
wrong rape and molestation it can happen in many circumstances and not just the
in many circumstances and not just the
in many circumstances and not just the ones we talk
ones we talk
ones we talk I still get really emotional when I read
I still get really emotional when I read
I still get really emotional when I read this piece because it’s very validating
this piece because it’s very validating
this piece because it’s very validating you know and I really hope some of you
you know and I really hope some of you
you know and I really hope some of you out there that may have a similar
out there that may have a similar
out there that may have a similar situation to this you know unfortunately
situation to this you know unfortunately
situation to this you know unfortunately these cases on human far between and and
these cases on human far between and and
these cases on human far between and and we have our trauma backpacks
we have our trauma backpacks
we have our trauma backpacks you know I’m reading things like this
you know I’m reading things like this
you know I’m reading things like this because help us just take them off and
because help us just take them off and
because help us just take them off and put them on the door walk away stopping
put them on the door walk away stopping
put them on the door walk away stopping you know you can call yourself a victim
you know you can call yourself a victim
you know you can call yourself a victim and you do do some of the supports well
and you do do some of the supports well
and you do do some of the supports well so there’s a reason I’m telling people
so there’s a reason I’m telling people
so there’s a reason I’m telling people this and it’s not too depressed to you
this and it’s not too depressed to you
this and it’s not too depressed to you and it’s not to make you pity me but as
and it’s not to make you pity me but as
and it’s not to make you pity me but as I said these situations are not few and
I said these situations are not few and
I said these situations are not few and far between and many of you here will
far between and many of you here will
far between and many of you here will have experienced something like this
have experienced something like this
have experienced something like this it’s devastating this is the first time
it’s devastating this is the first time
it’s devastating this is the first time something like this happened to me but
something like this happened to me but
something like this happened to me but not last so according to the Association
not last so according to the Association
not last so according to the Association of American Universities 33.1% within
of American Universities 33.1% within
of American Universities 33.1% within thirty nine point one percent of
thirty nine point one percent of
thirty nine point one percent of transgender students as eight point six
transgender students as eight point six
transgender students as eight point six percent of men experience non sexual or
percent of men experience non sexual or
percent of men experience non sexual or non-sexual normal sexual sexual assault
non-sexual normal sexual sexual assault
non-sexual normal sexual sexual assault or contact during college or university
these friends and relished your
these friends and relished your experiences isn’t it awful but
experiences isn’t it awful but
experiences isn’t it awful but non-consensual sexual contact even makes
non-consensual sexual contact even makes
non-consensual sexual contact even makes an appearance that I’m such a prolific
an appearance that I’m such a prolific
an appearance that I’m such a prolific one now a lot of victims they’re not
one now a lot of victims they’re not
one now a lot of victims they’re not always scared to come forward because
always scared to come forward because
always scared to come forward because like me some didn’t report it because
like me some didn’t report it because
like me some didn’t report it because they didn’t know that it was assault
they didn’t know that it was assault
they didn’t know that it was assault and that’s quite believable when you
and that’s quite believable when you
and that’s quite believable when you realize that eighty percent of college
realize that eighty percent of college
realize that eighty percent of college students self thing
students self thing
students self thing incentives as long as I haven’t said no
incentives as long as I haven’t said no
incentives as long as I haven’t said no Oh Julie it’s common sense isn’t it you
Oh Julie it’s common sense isn’t it you
Oh Julie it’s common sense isn’t it you know number views and if someone’s not
know number views and if someone’s not
know number views and if someone’s not into it
into it
into it you should not continue easy now it’s
you should not continue easy now it’s
you should not continue easy now it’s pretty closer to home a survey covered
pretty closer to home a survey covered
pretty closer to home a survey covered carried out by The Telegraph in 2015
carried out by The Telegraph in 2015
carried out by The Telegraph in 2015 showed that one in three you can clean
showed that one in three you can clean
showed that one in three you can clean your students a sexually assaulted or
your students a sexually assaulted or
your students a sexually assaulted or abused all your campus this should make
abused all your campus this should make
abused all your campus this should make it uncomfortable it makes me feel
it uncomfortable it makes me feel
it uncomfortable it makes me feel comfortable it makes me feel unsafe now
comfortable it makes me feel unsafe now
comfortable it makes me feel unsafe now I’m aware that due to all the recent
I’m aware that due to all the recent
I’m aware that due to all the recent outflow of allegations are you suggest a
outflow of allegations are you suggest a
outflow of allegations are you suggest a backlash because there is long it’s true
backlash because there is long it’s true
backlash because there is long it’s true that if not all people who are accused
that if not all people who are accused
that if not all people who are accused of sexual assault are true perpetrators
of sexual assault are true perpetrators
of sexual assault are true perpetrators and for the wrongly accused just about
and for the wrongly accused just about
and for the wrongly accused just about their life terribly and the reporting
their life terribly and the reporting
their life terribly and the reporting unjustly and we all remember the Rock
unjustly and we all remember the Rock
unjustly and we all remember the Rock Turner case 2015 right yeah this is the
Turner case 2015 right yeah this is the
Turner case 2015 right yeah this is the case he almost got away with because it
case he almost got away with because it
case he almost got away with because it might help his swimming career what what
might help his swimming career what what
might help his swimming career what what industry we have a tendency to
industry we have a tendency to
industry we have a tendency to immediately blame the victim and we need
immediately blame the victim and we need
immediately blame the victim and we need you to give our sympathy to be accused
you to give our sympathy to be accused
you to give our sympathy to be accused this doesn’t make sense but this in mind
this doesn’t make sense but this in mind
this doesn’t make sense but this in mind accusations was being done but seriously
accusations was being done but seriously
accusations was being done but seriously need to be carefully examined and dealt
need to be carefully examined and dealt
need to be carefully examined and dealt with meticulously with justice being
with meticulously with justice being
with meticulously with justice being from regard but not blame of course a
from regard but not blame of course a
from regard but not blame of course a bit more difficult if like me you did
bit more difficult if like me you did
bit more difficult if like me you did not know so where do we go education
not know so where do we go education
not know so where do we go education this is what people learn it’s amazing
this is what people learn it’s amazing
this is what people learn it’s amazing people have brilliant should study show
people have brilliant should study show
people have brilliant should study show that in education we have stills for
that in education we have stills for
that in education we have stills for self defense
self defense
self defense before we talk about respect isn’t that
before we talk about respect isn’t that
before we talk about respect isn’t that baffling why teach retaliation
baffling why teach retaliation
baffling why teach retaliation the foundation of human relationships
the foundation of human relationships
the foundation of human relationships respect so it’s not all bad
respect so it’s not all bad
respect so it’s not all bad really for 2019 we should see the rise
really for 2019 we should see the rise
really for 2019 we should see the rise of age-appropriate sexual content being
of age-appropriate sexual content being
of age-appropriate sexual content being taught in schools this includes mental
taught in schools this includes mental
taught in schools this includes mental well-being consent resilience and
well-being consent resilience and
well-being consent resilience and characteristics of healthy relationships
characteristics of healthy relationships
characteristics of healthy relationships and safety of life now this is a huge
and safety of life now this is a huge
and safety of life now this is a huge improvement and I’m beyond annoyed about
improvement and I’m beyond annoyed about
improvement and I’m beyond annoyed about this bring it an even bigger improvement
this bring it an even bigger improvement
this bring it an even bigger improvement it’s that going to be made compulsory
it’s that going to be made compulsory
it’s that going to be made compulsory for all UK schools to teach and sexual
for all UK schools to teach and sexual
for all UK schools to teach and sexual educate educate something that
educate educate something that
educate educate something that previously weirdly was not a requirement
previously weirdly was not a requirement
previously weirdly was not a requirement and although this is amazing truth is
and although this is amazing truth is
and although this is amazing truth is there’s still these real emphasis on
there’s still these real emphasis on
there’s still these real emphasis on types of consent and we need to build a
types of consent and we need to build a
types of consent and we need to build a support network built our core teachers
support network built our core teachers
support network built our core teachers and students and peers because there
and students and peers because there
and students and peers because there should be central focus for pupils of
should be central focus for pupils of
should be central focus for pupils of the future so they can be better than
the future so they can be better than
the future so they can be better than the catch Mystics of a healthy
the catch Mystics of a healthy
the catch Mystics of a healthy relationship which is intrinsically
relationship which is intrinsically
relationship which is intrinsically include consent school staff should be
include consent school staff should be
include consent school staff should be given flexibility and how they teach
given flexibility and how they teach
given flexibility and how they teach this topic so they can sensitively
this topic so they can sensitively
this topic so they can sensitively adjust how they give the information the
adjust how they give the information the
adjust how they give the information the cases such as religious background for
cases such as religious background for
cases such as religious background for example we could do one more thing one
example we could do one more thing one
example we could do one more thing one more person to love this to help them
more person to love this to help them
more person to love this to help them teaching the sexual education and
teaching the sexual education and
teaching the sexual education and consent the respect and schools it
consent the respect and schools it
consent the respect and schools it should be to make sure that all
should be to make sure that all
should be to make sure that all departments themselves are aware of what
departments themselves are aware of what
departments themselves are aware of what consent actually is because we don’t you
consent actually is because we don’t you
consent actually is because we don’t you know in this fuzzy very day and age
know in this fuzzy very day and age
know in this fuzzy very day and age where the lives are not fixed we need to
where the lives are not fixed we need to
where the lives are not fixed we need to open up a discussion between stars
open up a discussion between stars
open up a discussion between stars adults and children alike so that we can
adults and children alike so that we can
adults and children alike so that we can all come together and work out how to
all come together and work out how to
all come together and work out how to put firm and two types of concern
put firm and two types of concern
put firm and two types of concern still elude education because as a whole
still elude education because as a whole
still elude education because as a whole we do like a basic understanding the
we do like a basic understanding the
we do like a basic understanding the shipping against women men transgender
shipping against women men transgender
shipping against women men transgender students ethnic minorities children and
students ethnic minorities children and
students ethnic minorities children and every human on the terms for that matter
every human on the terms for that matter
every human on the terms for that matter needs to stop we need to build a
needs to stop we need to build a
needs to stop we need to build a supportive community where we can
supportive community where we can
supportive community where we can discuss methods of learning being online
discuss methods of learning being online
discuss methods of learning being online or at school so we have a global
or at school so we have a global
or at school so we have a global understanding of what concern actually
understanding of what concern actually
understanding of what concern actually is then maybe we can put an end to the
is then maybe we can put an end to the
is then maybe we can put an end to the murky mystical gray area that we have so
murky mystical gray area that we have so
murky mystical gray area that we have so much trouble processing in our complex
much trouble processing in our complex
much trouble processing in our complex human brains so these are a list of UK
human brains so these are a list of UK
human brains so these are a list of UK help lights that anyone has been
help lights that anyone has been
help lights that anyone has been affected by what I’m talking about today
affected by what I’m talking about today
affected by what I’m talking about today so take a picture of everyone and yeah
so take a picture of everyone and yeah
so take a picture of everyone and yeah thank you for listening
thank you for listening
thank you for listening [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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