hello can everyone hear me okay so I grew up in a pretty laid-back
so I grew up in a pretty laid-back
so I grew up in a pretty laid-back family there weren’t that many
family there weren’t that many
family there weren’t that many restrictions for being going up there as
restrictions for being going up there as
restrictions for being going up there as a girl I grew up at the time when haka
a girl I grew up at the time when haka
a girl I grew up at the time when haka still had very much a part of culture so
still had very much a part of culture so
still had very much a part of culture so I was out in the fields in our para mat
I was out in the fields in our para mat
I was out in the fields in our para mat with all the boys every afternoon
with all the boys every afternoon
with all the boys every afternoon running around and playing and you know
running around and playing and you know
running around and playing and you know it started with the usual childhood
it started with the usual childhood
it started with the usual childhood games kind of machito a tree but as we
games kind of machito a tree but as we
games kind of machito a tree but as we grew older of course our games involved
grew older of course our games involved
grew older of course our games involved and became more adult so we moved into
and became more adult so we moved into
and became more adult so we moved into basketball cricket and football a buddy
basketball cricket and football a buddy
basketball cricket and football a buddy I have to say I’m not a cricket fan I
I have to say I’m not a cricket fan I
I have to say I’m not a cricket fan I used to find it really boring you know a
used to find it really boring you know a
used to find it really boring you know a lot of standing around and waiting and
lot of standing around and waiting and
lot of standing around and waiting and then you get to run a little and then
then you get to run a little and then
then you get to run a little and then stand more I hope this does not you know
stand more I hope this does not you know
stand more I hope this does not you know write me off as a legitimate but mother
write me off as a legitimate but mother
write me off as a legitimate but mother she so you know I didn’t grow up really
she so you know I didn’t grow up really
she so you know I didn’t grow up really thinking about differences between being
thinking about differences between being
thinking about differences between being a boy and a girl
a boy and a girl
a boy and a girl but even then I definitely realized that
but even then I definitely realized that
but even then I definitely realized that how I was who I was I was definitely in
how I was who I was I was definitely in
how I was who I was I was definitely in fact a girl
fact a girl
fact a girl and if you ask me when it was the first
and if you ask me when it was the first
and if you ask me when it was the first time that I realized that being a girl
time that I realized that being a girl
time that I realized that being a girl was different from being a boy it’d be
was different from being a boy it’d be
was different from being a boy it’d be difficult for me to pinpoint but I do
difficult for me to pinpoint but I do
difficult for me to pinpoint but I do remember this one time maybe I was seven
remember this one time maybe I was seven
remember this one time maybe I was seven or eight years old and me and my brother
or eight years old and me and my brother
or eight years old and me and my brother who is a few years younger to me we went
who is a few years younger to me we went
who is a few years younger to me we went and we were staying over at my great
and we were staying over at my great
and we were staying over at my great grandmother’s house and the household
grandmother’s house and the household
grandmother’s house and the household there during the meal insisted that my
there during the meal insisted that my
there during the meal insisted that my brother could not have the chicken feet
brother could not have the chicken feet
brother could not have the chicken feet which was in the curry chicken feet not
which was in the curry chicken feet not
which was in the curry chicken feet not chicken leg by the way she insisted that
chicken leg by the way she insisted that
chicken leg by the way she insisted that he cannot have it but if I wanted to I
he cannot have it but if I wanted to I
he cannot have it but if I wanted to I could which was odd but fine I took it
could which was odd but fine I took it
could which was odd but fine I took it on my plate and eventually sneaked it
on my plate and eventually sneaked it
on my plate and eventually sneaked it over to my brother when she wasn’t
over to my brother when she wasn’t
over to my brother when she wasn’t noticing now if they actually went and
noticing now if they actually went and
noticing now if they actually went and told my mother about this story and I
told my mother about this story and I
told my mother about this story and I asked her what this was about
asked her what this was about
asked her what this was about and even for her it took her a little
and even for her it took her a little
and even for her it took her a little while to think about this and remember
while to think about this and remember
while to think about this and remember that there is some kind of a myth where
that there is some kind of a myth where
that there is some kind of a myth where boys are not allowed to eat chicken feet
boys are not allowed to eat chicken feet
boys are not allowed to eat chicken feet and chicken hearts because one is
and chicken hearts because one is
and chicken hearts because one is considered a waist part and the other
considered a waist part and the other
considered a waist part and the other will apparently make young boys grow up
will apparently make young boys grow up
will apparently make young boys grow up to be cowardly men funny right of course
to be cowardly men funny right of course
to be cowardly men funny right of course my mother laughed at this and laughed it
my mother laughed at this and laughed it
my mother laughed at this and laughed it off and me when I was hearing this story
off and me when I was hearing this story
off and me when I was hearing this story from her I laughed along with her and I
from her I laughed along with her and I
from her I laughed along with her and I didn’t think much about it at least not
didn’t think much about it at least not
didn’t think much about it at least not then but I guess in many ways they stuck
then but I guess in many ways they stuck
then but I guess in many ways they stuck with me and I realized that even if my
with me and I realized that even if my
with me and I realized that even if my parents didn’t really make differences
parents didn’t really make differences
parents didn’t really make differences between us being a boy and a girl
between us being a boy and a girl
between us being a boy and a girl people other people around us definitely
people other people around us definitely
people other people around us definitely sauce differently and not only did this
sauce differently and not only did this
sauce differently and not only did this see us differently they believed that we
see us differently they believed that we
see us differently they believed that we deserved different things so I guess
deserved different things so I guess
deserved different things so I guess this was my introduction to gender 101
this was my introduction to gender 101
this was my introduction to gender 101 just to ensure that we are all on the
just to ensure that we are all on the
just to ensure that we are all on the same page I would like to ask with a
same page I would like to ask with a
same page I would like to ask with a show of hands how many of you know the
show of hands how many of you know the
show of hands how many of you know the difference between sex and gender
okay about 50% how many of you think
okay about 50% how many of you think that sex and gender is the same thing
alright so they’re not just for the
alright so they’re not just for the basics sex is the biological difference
basics sex is the biological difference
basics sex is the biological difference between males and females so pretty
between males and females so pretty
between males and females so pretty simply if you’re born with a penis man
simply if you’re born with a penis man
simply if you’re born with a penis man you’re born with a vagina female sorry
you’re born with a vagina female sorry
you’re born with a vagina female sorry male and female there’s also the term
male and female there’s also the term
male and female there’s also the term intersex which is if which is typically
intersex which is if which is typically
intersex which is if which is typically people who are not necessarily born with
people who are not necessarily born with
people who are not necessarily born with any one of these specifically defined
any one of these specifically defined
any one of these specifically defined body parts gender on the other hand is a
body parts gender on the other hand is a
body parts gender on the other hand is a social cultural attribute that is placed
social cultural attribute that is placed
social cultural attribute that is placed upon males and females so it’s what we
upon males and females so it’s what we
upon males and females so it’s what we expect males and females to look like or
expect males and females to look like or
expect males and females to look like or behave for example let’s say boys we
behave for example let’s say boys we
behave for example let’s say boys we have short hair and girls will have long
have short hair and girls will have long
have short hair and girls will have long hair it’s not necessarily part of our
hair it’s not necessarily part of our
hair it’s not necessarily part of our sex because face it we can both grow our
sex because face it we can both grow our
sex because face it we can both grow our hair then we can both got our hairs
hair then we can both got our hairs
hair then we can both got our hairs right but we also say things like boys
right but we also say things like boys
right but we also say things like boys or men would be interested in cards and
or men would be interested in cards and
or men would be interested in cards and women on the other hand will be
women on the other hand will be
women on the other hand will be interested in baking this is a social
interested in baking this is a social
interested in baking this is a social expectation of what we’re supposed to be
expectation of what we’re supposed to be
expectation of what we’re supposed to be interested in or we are supposed to move
interested in or we are supposed to move
interested in or we are supposed to move towards our roles that we expected to
towards our roles that we expected to
towards our roles that we expected to play so I would think cooler ones for
play so I would think cooler ones for
play so I would think cooler ones for for one of my work projects I get to
for one of my work projects I get to
for one of my work projects I get to travel a lot around Bangladesh for the
travel a lot around Bangladesh for the
travel a lot around Bangladesh for the work I do and go to really rural parts
work I do and go to really rural parts
work I do and go to really rural parts of the country very green very beautiful
of the country very green very beautiful
of the country very green very beautiful it’s one of the perks I have and we were
it’s one of the perks I have and we were
it’s one of the perks I have and we were at lunch at this public officials house
at lunch at this public officials house
at lunch at this public officials house and he happened to also be involved in
and he happened to also be involved in
and he happened to also be involved in fish farming star team two women and two
fish farming star team two women and two
fish farming star team two women and two men we’re standing around this table
men we’re standing around this table
men we’re standing around this table which is laid out with a whole different
which is laid out with a whole different
which is laid out with a whole different bunch of fish and prawn curries and our
bunch of fish and prawn curries and our
bunch of fish and prawn curries and our gracious host
gracious host
gracious host exclaims please please good serve
exclaims please please good serve
exclaims please please good serve yourself you know how to do it the men
yourself you know how to do it the men
yourself you know how to do it the men might have some trouble with it talk
might have some trouble with it talk
might have some trouble with it talk about this I actually wonder sometimes
about this I actually wonder sometimes
about this I actually wonder sometimes what I should be more offended by
what I should be more offended by
what I should be more offended by whether it’s the fact that he thinks
whether it’s the fact that he thinks
whether it’s the fact that he thinks serving food is only for women to do or
serving food is only for women to do or
serving food is only for women to do or that men are partly so inept they don’t
that men are partly so inept they don’t
that men are partly so inept they don’t know how to reach out pick up a spoon
know how to reach out pick up a spoon
know how to reach out pick up a spoon and put food on their plates this is
and put food on their plates this is
and put food on their plates this is what gender has told this man he had
what gender has told this man he had
what gender has told this man he had learned that cooking and serving food is
learned that cooking and serving food is
learned that cooking and serving food is woman’s work and men don’t do it so
woman’s work and men don’t do it so
woman’s work and men don’t do it so there we are asked multi-talented women
there we are asked multi-talented women
there we are asked multi-talented women we start serving our food and the house
we start serving our food and the house
we start serving our food and the house health work walks in to start serving
health work walks in to start serving
health work walks in to start serving the men going to be noted the house help
the men going to be noted the house help
the men going to be noted the house help was actually a young man so this is what
was actually a young man so this is what
was actually a young man so this is what gendering had also taught our gracious
gendering had also taught our gracious
gendering had also taught our gracious hosts cooking and serving food is
hosts cooking and serving food is
hosts cooking and serving food is woman’s jaw is a woman’s job men don’t
woman’s jaw is a woman’s job men don’t
woman’s jaw is a woman’s job men don’t do it unless it’s a man who is providing
do it unless it’s a man who is providing
do it unless it’s a man who is providing a service and preferably of a
a service and preferably of a
a service and preferably of a socio-economic position which is
socio-economic position which is
socio-economic position which is inferior to him and that’s what we’ve
inferior to him and that’s what we’ve
inferior to him and that’s what we’ve learnt as well we’ve learned that
learnt as well we’ve learned that
learnt as well we’ve learned that different things that different
different things that different
different things that different attributes of males and females are
attributes of males and females are
attributes of males and females are valued in different ways we have been
valued in different ways we have been
valued in different ways we have been taught that as a woman we’ve been taught
taught that as a woman we’ve been taught
taught that as a woman we’ve been taught that certain things such as certain
that certain things such as certain
that certain things such as certain attributes that are considered to be
attributes that are considered to be
attributes that are considered to be masculine like say being independent
masculine like say being independent
masculine like say being independent being opinionated or analytical
being opinionated or analytical
being opinionated or analytical these are attributes we we all want
these are attributes we we all want
these are attributes we we all want these are all attributes of leadership
these are all attributes of leadership
these are all attributes of leadership and both men and women we want to have
and both men and women we want to have
and both men and women we want to have them on the other hand we’ve also taught
them on the other hand we’ve also taught
them on the other hand we’ve also taught we are also thinking that certain
we are also thinking that certain
we are also thinking that certain attributes which are considered to be
attributes which are considered to be
attributes which are considered to be feminine being emotional being soft
feminine being emotional being soft
feminine being emotional being soft these are looked at as weaknesses and
these are looked at as weaknesses and
these are looked at as weaknesses and we’ve picked this up in life
we’ve picked this up in life
we’ve picked this up in life for the longest time when I was a kid I
for the longest time when I was a kid I
for the longest time when I was a kid I wished I was a boy and nobody had told
wished I was a boy and nobody had told
wished I was a boy and nobody had told me this I wished it because I liked to
me this I wished it because I liked to
me this I wished it because I liked to do things which when thought of as
do things which when thought of as
do things which when thought of as things girls did I liked running around
things girls did I liked running around
things girls did I liked running around and playing sports and I watched on TV
and playing sports and I watched on TV
and playing sports and I watched on TV cricket games and football games where
cricket games and football games where
cricket games and football games where the only people on the field we’re men
the only people on the field we’re men
the only people on the field we’re men so it’s supposed to be things boys do I
so it’s supposed to be things boys do I
so it’s supposed to be things boys do I learned it by seeing other girls in my
learned it by seeing other girls in my
learned it by seeing other girls in my school who have been told not to go out
school who have been told not to go out
school who have been told not to go out doors so in games classes they stayed in
doors so in games classes they stayed in
doors so in games classes they stayed in the class which is not something I
the class which is not something I
the class which is not something I wanted to do so it took me a long time
wanted to do so it took me a long time
wanted to do so it took me a long time you know I wasn’t as cool as Nancy over
you know I wasn’t as cool as Nancy over
you know I wasn’t as cool as Nancy over there so it took me a long time to
there so it took me a long time to
there so it took me a long time to embrace my own femininity and I don’t
embrace my own femininity and I don’t
embrace my own femininity and I don’t mean wearing earrings or putting on
mean wearing earrings or putting on
mean wearing earrings or putting on lipstick I mean more the attributes that
lipstick I mean more the attributes that
lipstick I mean more the attributes that I talked about earlier what are
I talked about earlier what are
I talked about earlier what are considered feminine and what are
considered feminine and what are
considered feminine and what are considered masculine and I learned to
considered masculine and I learned to
considered masculine and I learned to embrace both those sides of myself but
embrace both those sides of myself but
embrace both those sides of myself but as I did that I also kept on questioning
as I did that I also kept on questioning
as I did that I also kept on questioning whether these beliefs that I bring
whether these beliefs that I bring
whether these beliefs that I bring myself not just the boxes that society
myself not just the boxes that society
myself not just the boxes that society expects us to fit into but what are the
expects us to fit into but what are the
expects us to fit into but what are the believes what are the constrictions that
believes what are the constrictions that
believes what are the constrictions that I put on myself I know the more I
I put on myself I know the more I
I put on myself I know the more I thought about this the more I read about
thought about this the more I read about
thought about this the more I read about this I kept on realizing that I judged
this I kept on realizing that I judged
this I kept on realizing that I judged myself so many times because I felt I
myself so many times because I felt I
myself so many times because I felt I was showing too much anger for a woman
was showing too much anger for a woman
was showing too much anger for a woman I’ve just other woman too by the way
I’ve just other woman too by the way
I’ve just other woman too by the way they behaved or chose to dress because I
they behaved or chose to dress because I
they behaved or chose to dress because I felt they didn’t fit into what I thought
felt they didn’t fit into what I thought
felt they didn’t fit into what I thought was womanly enough I’ve just judged men
was womanly enough I’ve just judged men
was womanly enough I’ve just judged men around me because I thought they weren’t
around me because I thought they weren’t
around me because I thought they weren’t being as much go-getters as I expected
being as much go-getters as I expected
being as much go-getters as I expected them to be so what I’m saying is a lot
them to be so what I’m saying is a lot
them to be so what I’m saying is a lot of the issues around gender is not just
of the issues around gender is not just
of the issues around gender is not just society putting it on us most of it is
society putting it on us most of it is
society putting it on us most of it is all the things that we’ve learned in our
all the things that we’ve learned in our
all the things that we’ve learned in our lives and how we reproduce them in our
lives and how we reproduce them in our
lives and how we reproduce them in our everyday lives
everyday lives
everyday lives to ourselves and others around us and it
to ourselves and others around us and it
to ourselves and others around us and it doesn’t make my life easier I get to be
doesn’t make my life easier I get to be
doesn’t make my life easier I get to be in situations and positions and I have
in situations and positions and I have
in situations and positions and I have to keep on questioning myself if we’re
to keep on questioning myself if we’re
to keep on questioning myself if we’re I’m expecting out of that situation if
I’m expecting out of that situation if
I’m expecting out of that situation if what I want to say is based on what I
what I want to say is based on what I
what I want to say is based on what I think is supposed to be or it’s my own
think is supposed to be or it’s my own
think is supposed to be or it’s my own unadulterated choice and the more I
unadulterated choice and the more I
unadulterated choice and the more I question myself about this I realized
question myself about this I realized
question myself about this I realized that we are nothing called unadulterated
that we are nothing called unadulterated
that we are nothing called unadulterated choice everything that I’ve learned in
choice everything that I’ve learned in
choice everything that I’ve learned in life and picked up by seeing things
life and picked up by seeing things
life and picked up by seeing things around me hearing things there are me
around me hearing things there are me
around me hearing things there are me reading things around me I the normal
reading things around me I the normal
reading things around me I the normal way is for me to just reproduce them and
way is for me to just reproduce them and
way is for me to just reproduce them and I fail at it continuously but you know
I fail at it continuously but you know
I fail at it continuously but you know what they say if you don’t fail you
what they say if you don’t fail you
what they say if you don’t fail you don’t learn and if you don’t learn you
don’t learn and if you don’t learn you
don’t learn and if you don’t learn you can’t change so hopefully as we fail
can’t change so hopefully as we fail
can’t change so hopefully as we fail every day we would start to unlearn
every day we would start to unlearn
every day we would start to unlearn everything that we’ve learned before and
everything that we’ve learned before and
everything that we’ve learned before and maybe one day we can stand around and
maybe one day we can stand around and
maybe one day we can stand around and see each other for just our human
see each other for just our human
see each other for just our human elements not the length of our hairs or
elements not the length of our hairs or
elements not the length of our hairs or the clothes we wear or even the roles we
the clothes we wear or even the roles we
the clothes we wear or even the roles we play thank you
play thank you
play thank you [Applause]
”
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