running plaster everyone who have made it to the tough traffic jam really give
it to the tough traffic jam really give
it to the tough traffic jam really give you second round of applause everyone
you second round of applause everyone
you second round of applause everyone settle down everyone have the lunch yes
settle down everyone have the lunch yes
settle down everyone have the lunch yes we’re good
we’re good
we’re good great it’s okay you can talk it’s not a
great it’s okay you can talk it’s not a
great it’s okay you can talk it’s not a problem everyone had the lunch yes yeah
problem everyone had the lunch yes yeah
problem everyone had the lunch yes yeah I’ll be honest with you banger this
I’ll be honest with you banger this
I’ll be honest with you banger this traffic jam is it’s an animal on its own
traffic jam is it’s an animal on its own
traffic jam is it’s an animal on its own isn’t it
isn’t it
isn’t it it’s create I mean but I’ll tell you
it’s create I mean but I’ll tell you
it’s create I mean but I’ll tell you this Bangla this is the only country
this Bangla this is the only country
this Bangla this is the only country that in a traffic jam they sell popcorns
that in a traffic jam they sell popcorns
that in a traffic jam they sell popcorns what sort of a movie am i watching
what sort of a movie am i watching
what sort of a movie am i watching doesn’t even make sense
doesn’t even make sense
doesn’t even make sense now Abdul you know I really like of
now Abdul you know I really like of
now Abdul you know I really like of among others traffic jam it’s the girls
among others traffic jam it’s the girls
among others traffic jam it’s the girls that are crossing the street and they
that are crossing the street and they
that are crossing the street and they have this command it’s like they’re a
have this command it’s like they’re a
have this command it’s like they’re a superhero let’s go
superhero let’s go
superhero let’s go I am not stopping my car because you’re
I am not stopping my car because you’re
I am not stopping my car because you’re doing this I’m stopping cuz you’re in
doing this I’m stopping cuz you’re in
doing this I’m stopping cuz you’re in front of my car it’s that simple but
front of my car it’s that simple but
front of my car it’s that simple but I’ll be honest I’m I really don’t know
I’ll be honest I’m I really don’t know
I’ll be honest I’m I really don’t know why I’m here today I mean we’re having
why I’m here today I mean we’re having
why I’m here today I mean we’re having great speakers I mean got it valve I was
great speakers I mean got it valve I was
great speakers I mean got it valve I was saving the Tigers saving the tiger Wow
saving the Tigers saving the tiger Wow
saving the Tigers saving the tiger Wow I mean let’s be honest I feel that the
I mean let’s be honest I feel that the
I mean let’s be honest I feel that the only way to save the Tigers is if we
only way to save the Tigers is if we
only way to save the Tigers is if we start naming the Tigers to cricket
start naming the Tigers to cricket
start naming the Tigers to cricket players there’s gonna be one Tiger all
players there’s gonna be one Tiger all
players there’s gonna be one Tiger all the villagers are gonna go out though
the villagers are gonna go out though
the villagers are gonna go out though he’s not gonna eat now he’s taking six
he’s not gonna eat now he’s taking six
he’s not gonna eat now he’s taking six months off he’s the greatest tiger ever
months off he’s the greatest tiger ever
months off he’s the greatest tiger ever he’s just taking six months off and the
he’s just taking six months off and the
he’s just taking six months off and the little ones are going to be calling him
little ones are going to be calling him
little ones are going to be calling him mineral and most shaker for obvious
mineral and most shaker for obvious
mineral and most shaker for obvious reasons and there’s gonna be one tiger
reasons and there’s gonna be one tiger
reasons and there’s gonna be one tiger that’s going to be behind a bush doing
that’s going to be behind a bush doing
that’s going to be behind a bush doing something funky we don’t know that we
something funky we don’t know that we
something funky we don’t know that we know he’s very happy
well I mean let me talk about myself
well I mean let me talk about myself since we’ve all warmed up um I remember
since we’ve all warmed up um I remember
since we’ve all warmed up um I remember when I was 13 years old I was sent to a
when I was 13 years old I was sent to a
when I was 13 years old I was sent to a boarding school it was in Singapore and
boarding school it was in Singapore and
boarding school it was in Singapore and over there I was made fun of something
over there I was made fun of something
over there I was made fun of something and by now you can tell that it was
and by now you can tell that it was
and by now you can tell that it was because of my height I’m not the tallest
because of my height I’m not the tallest
because of my height I’m not the tallest it’s okay I have an advantage every time
it’s okay I have an advantage every time
it’s okay I have an advantage every time I come on a stage the stage looks bigger
I come on a stage the stage looks bigger
I come on a stage the stage looks bigger everyone’s like oh wow this is a huge
everyone’s like oh wow this is a huge
everyone’s like oh wow this is a huge stage we didn’t notice before but I mean
stage we didn’t notice before but I mean
stage we didn’t notice before but I mean I remember in Singapore the first time I
I remember in Singapore the first time I
I remember in Singapore the first time I got made fun of my height was this
got made fun of my height was this
got made fun of my height was this Singaporean guy goes hey I shake good
Singaporean guy goes hey I shake good
Singaporean guy goes hey I shake good morning to you
morning to you
morning to you well you so salt whoa you so we saw that
well you so salt whoa you so we saw that
well you so salt whoa you so we saw that a Chinese noodle is taller than you are
what I have my breakfast he goes oh no
what I have my breakfast he goes oh no no no I’m not done yet I need to tell
no no I’m not done yet I need to tell
no no I’m not done yet I need to tell you more cause a you so sure but you
you more cause a you so sure but you
you more cause a you so sure but you need a ladder to climb another what I
need a ladder to climb another what I
need a ladder to climb another what I was not the coolest I remember when
was not the coolest I remember when
was not the coolest I remember when everyone was going like hey man we’re
everyone was going like hey man we’re
everyone was going like hey man we’re gonna be cool you were gonna be black
gonna be cool you were gonna be black
gonna be cool you were gonna be black everyone was like yeah we saw we saw dad
everyone was like yeah we saw we saw dad
everyone was like yeah we saw we saw dad how you been
how you been
how you been I thought African was going full African
I thought African was going full African
I thought African was going full African so I started copying the Nigerians so
so I started copying the Nigerians so
so I started copying the Nigerians so when someone came up to me I said you
when someone came up to me I said you
when someone came up to me I said you say what is up
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] you say
you say
you say teas up but what you are doing is
teas up but what you are doing is
teas up but what you are doing is putting your people down but I got this
putting your people down but I got this
putting your people down but I got this accent for my Nigerian friend he may
accent for my Nigerian friend he may
accent for my Nigerian friend he may follow me the worse way because a sheik
follow me the worse way because a sheik
follow me the worse way because a sheik you are so small that my pin is bigger
you are so small that my pin is bigger
you are so small that my pin is bigger than you I apologize to you all the
than you I apologize to you all the
than you I apologize to you all the elderlies that are here today this is
elderlies that are here today this is
elderlies that are here today this is gonna get much worse as soon as I
gonna get much worse as soon as I
gonna get much worse as soon as I finished high school I went to London to
finished high school I went to London to
finished high school I went to London to study law and I realized that the only
study law and I realized that the only
study law and I realized that the only way I can get our out of trouble was by
way I can get our out of trouble was by
way I can get our out of trouble was by saying very cowardly things in a tough
saying very cowardly things in a tough
saying very cowardly things in a tough way so when someone goes like hey I’m
way so when someone goes like hey I’m
way so when someone goes like hey I’m gonna beat you up I’m like oh yeah you
gonna beat you up I’m like oh yeah you
gonna beat you up I’m like oh yeah you better catch me first
better catch me first
better catch me first it’s to confuse them man and as I
it’s to confuse them man and as I
it’s to confuse them man and as I started studying you know I started
started studying you know I started
started studying you know I started developing my stand-up career by now
developing my stand-up career by now
developing my stand-up career by now you’ve already understood that by the
you’ve already understood that by the
you’ve already understood that by the laughter thank you so I remember I was
laughter thank you so I remember I was
laughter thank you so I remember I was performing one day and this guy just
performing one day and this guy just
performing one day and this guy just white East and urgh I just gets up and
white East and urgh I just gets up and
white East and urgh I just gets up and goes away
goes away
goes away you got six siblings black I’m excuse me
you got six siblings black I’m excuse me
you got six siblings black I’m excuse me sir
sir
sir just because I’m from a developing
just because I’m from a developing
just because I’m from a developing country does not mean I’ve got a big
country does not mean I’ve got a big
country does not mean I’ve got a big family
family
family we believe in conservation we believe in
we believe in conservation we believe in
we believe in conservation we believe in protecting the population because no
protecting the population because no
protecting the population because no blood I meant seven God’s you one of
blood I meant seven God’s you one of
blood I meant seven God’s you one of them oh sure why not
them oh sure why not
them oh sure why not I started beginning I graduated and I
I started beginning I graduated and I
I started beginning I graduated and I went to mom I went to bar I started
went to mom I went to bar I started
went to mom I went to bar I started becoming a barrister I started studying
becoming a barrister I started studying
becoming a barrister I started studying for it and there I met people I had
for it and there I met people I had
for it and there I met people I had never seen her I’ve seen Bangladeshis
never seen her I’ve seen Bangladeshis
never seen her I’ve seen Bangladeshis who were far more you know regal than us
who were far more you know regal than us
who were far more you know regal than us he di I could not relate to them I
he di I could not relate to them I
he di I could not relate to them I remember one guy came up coming up to me
remember one guy came up coming up to me
remember one guy came up coming up to me goes hello I’ll shake okay
goes hello I’ll shake okay
goes hello I’ll shake okay you’re Bangladeshi who’s this what ababa
you’re Bangladeshi who’s this what ababa
you’re Bangladeshi who’s this what ababa morning I’m like Barbie would you like
morning I’m like Barbie would you like
morning I’m like Barbie would you like some tea and scones for breakfast I’m
some tea and scones for breakfast I’m
some tea and scones for breakfast I’m like dude are you British because man
like dude are you British because man
like dude are you British because man but I do travel on British Airways but
but I do travel on British Airways but
but I do travel on British Airways but you see I never knew what to do like III
you see I never knew what to do like III
you see I never knew what to do like III you know I’ve seen a few girls over here
you know I’ve seen a few girls over here
you know I’ve seen a few girls over here that talk like American you know just oh
that talk like American you know just oh
that talk like American you know just oh my god you’re like so whatever oh my god
my god you’re like so whatever oh my god
my god you’re like so whatever oh my god why the people going through lunch right
why the people going through lunch right
why the people going through lunch right now it’s like so late well you know this
now it’s like so late well you know this
now it’s like so late well you know this can only work if they’re Bangladeshi
can only work if they’re Bangladeshi
can only work if they’re Bangladeshi because if they say the same thing all
because if they say the same thing all
because if they say the same thing all it will make any sense
it will make any sense
it will make any sense hi Dakota to be the cabin kitchen I came
hi Dakota to be the cabin kitchen I came
hi Dakota to be the cabin kitchen I came back I started practicing law in intok I
back I started practicing law in intok I
back I started practicing law in intok I realized that my comedy carry is not
realized that my comedy carry is not
realized that my comedy carry is not going anywhere – or a common practice so
going anywhere – or a common practice so
going anywhere – or a common practice so I started practicing really hard and I
I started practicing really hard and I
I started practicing really hard and I was doing really well I remember once
was doing really well I remember once
was doing really well I remember once the judge went I said what is your beef
the judge went I said what is your beef
the judge went I said what is your beef why aren’t you getting it I said sir I
why aren’t you getting it I said sir I
why aren’t you getting it I said sir I am wearing it that’s a bad joke okay
am wearing it that’s a bad joke okay
am wearing it that’s a bad joke okay well and then as I started practicing I
well and then as I started practicing I
well and then as I started practicing I got really good at and then suddenly I
got really good at and then suddenly I
got really good at and then suddenly I had to tell my father that I’m a
had to tell my father that I’m a
had to tell my father that I’m a comedian so there I was with my father
comedian so there I was with my father
comedian so there I was with my father and said dad I’m a comedian
and said dad I’m a comedian
and said dad I’m a comedian he wasn’t shocked he said make sense you
he wasn’t shocked he said make sense you
he wasn’t shocked he said make sense you are a joke
my father was very strict
my father was very strict they’re very conservative and it’s not
they’re very conservative and it’s not
they’re very conservative and it’s not their fault it’s how they became do you
their fault it’s how they became do you
their fault it’s how they became do you know I don’t blame them um I remember
know I don’t blame them um I remember
know I don’t blame them um I remember when I was young my father used to tell
when I was young my father used to tell
when I was young my father used to tell me off I can see some of them will
me off I can see some of them will
me off I can see some of them will understand what I’m saying my father
understand what I’m saying my father
understand what I’m saying my father used to go Ashley why don’t you wake up
used to go Ashley why don’t you wake up
used to go Ashley why don’t you wake up in the morning I’m like father it comes
in the morning I’m like father it comes
in the morning I’m like father it comes too early that’s why I remember my
too early that’s why I remember my
too early that’s why I remember my father was once explaining why I should
father was once explaining why I should
father was once explaining why I should do good work
do good work
do good work why should be a good person he said I
why should be a good person he said I
why should be a good person he said I shake there are two engines ones on your
shake there are two engines ones on your
shake there are two engines ones on your right the others on your left when you
right the others on your left when you
right the others on your left when you do all the good things you will write it
do all the good things you will write it
do all the good things you will write it down when you do all the bad things you
down when you do all the bad things you
down when you do all the bad things you will write it down so from now on I
will write it down so from now on I
will write it down so from now on I shake what should you do that every time
shake what should you do that every time
shake what should you do that every time I do something bad I’m just going to go
I do something bad I’m just going to go
I do something bad I’m just going to go like this damn I still remember that
like this damn I still remember that
like this damn I still remember that slab so my father we realized that my
slab so my father we realized that my
slab so my father we realized that my father suddenly fell ill we took him to
father suddenly fell ill we took him to
father suddenly fell ill we took him to that’s a really polite thing to do to
that’s a really polite thing to do to
that’s a really polite thing to do to have yourself or not I remember we went
have yourself or not I remember we went
have yourself or not I remember we went to the doctor and the doctor said mr.
to the doctor and the doctor said mr.
to the doctor and the doctor said mr. Hamid you have a 70% block on your heart
Hamid you have a 70% block on your heart
Hamid you have a 70% block on your heart now my dad been competitive said that’s
now my dad been competitive said that’s
now my dad been competitive said that’s nothing I could have done better
nothing I could have done better
nothing I could have done better I’m like dude this is not a competition
I’m like dude this is not a competition
I’m like dude this is not a competition 70 is good for now so he he I never got
70 is good for now so he he I never got
70 is good for now so he he I never got to understand where he came from I had
to understand where he came from I had
to understand where he came from I had to do my own thing so as soon as he got
to do my own thing so as soon as he got
to do my own thing so as soon as he got unwell I suddenly got into the business
unwell I suddenly got into the business
unwell I suddenly got into the business the one he had and he was selling
the one he had and he was selling
the one he had and he was selling bedsheets straight but I have no idea
bedsheets straight but I have no idea
bedsheets straight but I have no idea about matching and there I was within a
about matching and there I was within a
about matching and there I was within a month in France talking to this buyer
month in France talking to this buyer
month in France talking to this buyer for a tender for buying bedsheets or
for a tender for buying bedsheets or
for a tender for buying bedsheets or selling bedsheets and I had no idea what
selling bedsheets and I had no idea what
selling bedsheets and I had no idea what to do
to do
to do so this French guy comes up to me
so this French guy comes up to me
so this French guy comes up to me because I’m Monsieur Ahmet you know how
because I’m Monsieur Ahmet you know how
because I’m Monsieur Ahmet you know how French people talk good I miss your
French people talk good I miss your
French people talk good I miss your image
image
image why must we sell your butt cheek what is
why must we sell your butt cheek what is
why must we sell your butt cheek what is so good about it I want I had no idea
so good about it I want I had no idea
so good about it I want I had no idea about that she I had no idea what to say
about that she I had no idea what to say
about that she I had no idea what to say so then I started thinking quickly I
so then I started thinking quickly I
so then I started thinking quickly I said okay france paris eiffel tower love
said okay france paris eiffel tower love
said okay france paris eiffel tower love lust I have got it I said Monsieur my
lust I have got it I said Monsieur my
lust I have got it I said Monsieur my bed sheet is so good you won’t sleep on
bed sheet is so good you won’t sleep on
bed sheet is so good you won’t sleep on it you will sleep with it we recorded
it you will sleep with it we recorded
it you will sleep with it we recorded our biggest loss that you know as you
our biggest loss that you know as you
our biggest loss that you know as you can tell about our I am single surprised
can tell about our I am single surprised
can tell about our I am single surprised I had a girlfriend recently we had a
I had a girlfriend recently we had a
I had a girlfriend recently we had a breakup choose the love of my love she
breakup choose the love of my love she
breakup choose the love of my love she was the love of my life I want to give
was the love of my life I want to give
was the love of my life I want to give her everything I had she had my heart
her everything I had she had my heart
her everything I had she had my heart she had my soul she had my everything
she had my soul she had my everything
she had my soul she had my everything but then she asked for my facebook
but then she asked for my facebook
but then she asked for my facebook password maybe I don’t know I shouldn’t
password maybe I don’t know I shouldn’t
password maybe I don’t know I shouldn’t give it to you but you know just calm
give it to you but you know just calm
give it to you but you know just calm down for a bit because I’ll tell you
down for a bit because I’ll tell you
down for a bit because I’ll tell you this guys we know here that we are not
this guys we know here that we are not
this guys we know here that we are not afraid to show if we’re talking to girls
afraid to show if we’re talking to girls
afraid to show if we’re talking to girls it’s what the conversation we have other
it’s what the conversation we have other
it’s what the conversation we have other guys were worried about coz if a girl
guys were worried about coz if a girl
guys were worried about coz if a girl season me like you’re a bloody monster
season me like you’re a bloody monster
season me like you’re a bloody monster man well yeah we hide that and I
man well yeah we hide that and I
man well yeah we hide that and I remember like even with all my
remember like even with all my
remember like even with all my relationships it was very tough my
relationships it was very tough my
relationships it was very tough my girlfriend once said a secure only
girlfriend once said a secure only
girlfriend once said a secure only interested in my body I said baby that’s
interested in my body I said baby that’s
interested in my body I said baby that’s all I can reach I can’t go any higher
all I can reach I can’t go any higher
all I can reach I can’t go any higher than that when my girlfriend called me
than that when my girlfriend called me
than that when my girlfriend called me baby she meant it
so scary that I remember my my
so scary that I remember my my girlfriend was frustrated you I see you
girlfriend was frustrated you I see you
girlfriend was frustrated you I see you I’m like I’m trying I’ll be more serious
I’m like I’m trying I’ll be more serious
I’m like I’m trying I’ll be more serious because no throw up please go up I got
because no throw up please go up I got
because no throw up please go up I got so desperate I started rubbing Horlicks
so desperate I started rubbing Horlicks
so desperate I started rubbing Horlicks on my feet didn’t work the one next what
on my feet didn’t work the one next what
on my feet didn’t work the one next what next for me I realized that as and as
next for me I realized that as and as
next for me I realized that as and as much as I’m getting the laughter I’m
much as I’m getting the laughter I’m
much as I’m getting the laughter I’m enjoying what do I do afterwards
enjoying what do I do afterwards
enjoying what do I do afterwards what is the point of this and that’s
what is the point of this and that’s
what is the point of this and that’s when I started understanding that my
when I started understanding that my
when I started understanding that my comedy does not end with just a laughter
comedy does not end with just a laughter
comedy does not end with just a laughter I need to do something more and what I
I need to do something more and what I
I need to do something more and what I decided was that I started a charity
decided was that I started a charity
decided was that I started a charity where instead of coming in with money to
where instead of coming in with money to
where instead of coming in with money to buy the tickets you bring one copy and
buy the tickets you bring one copy and
buy the tickets you bring one copy and stationaries and all the collection goes
stationaries and all the collection goes
stationaries and all the collection goes to an underprivileged school because as
to an underprivileged school because as
to an underprivileged school because as far as I have done so far what I’ve told
far as I have done so far what I’ve told
far as I have done so far what I’ve told about my life I’ve talked about my
about my life I’ve talked about my
about my life I’ve talked about my insecurities I’ve talked about my
insecurities I’ve talked about my
insecurities I’ve talked about my failures and work I’ve talked about my
failures and work I’ve talked about my
failures and work I’ve talked about my lack of relationships and I’ve talked
lack of relationships and I’ve talked
lack of relationships and I’ve talked about my consistent way of failing but I
about my consistent way of failing but I
about my consistent way of failing but I have found a way to channel it in a
have found a way to channel it in a
have found a way to channel it in a positive way and I feel that most of you
positive way and I feel that most of you
positive way and I feel that most of you in here have something within you that
in here have something within you that
in here have something within you that you can use it in a positive way it
you can use it in a positive way it
you can use it in a positive way it doesn’t matter how much it doesn’t
doesn’t matter how much it doesn’t
doesn’t matter how much it doesn’t matter how long you spend on it but you
matter how long you spend on it but you
matter how long you spend on it but you just have to be positive about it and
just have to be positive about it and
just have to be positive about it and use it for the greater purpose I believe
use it for the greater purpose I believe
use it for the greater purpose I believe that with my model you won’t be famous
that with my model you won’t be famous
that with my model you won’t be famous you will not be popular on Facebook or
you will not be popular on Facebook or
you will not be popular on Facebook or social media or anything else now what
social media or anything else now what
social media or anything else now what you will have is a sense of fulfillment
you will have is a sense of fulfillment
you will have is a sense of fulfillment that what you’re doing is making a
that what you’re doing is making a
that what you’re doing is making a difference be that me in a small way but
difference be that me in a small way but
difference be that me in a small way but it’s making a difference I’ll end with a
it’s making a difference I’ll end with a
it’s making a difference I’ll end with a quart it’s my great philosopher called
quart it’s my great philosopher called
quart it’s my great philosopher called Joker and it was from the movie Dark
Joker and it was from the movie Dark
Joker and it was from the movie Dark Knight
Knight
Knight great philosopher Jacques said if you’re
great philosopher Jacques said if you’re
great philosopher Jacques said if you’re good at something never do it for free
good at something never do it for free
good at something never do it for free well I believe if you’re brilliant at
well I believe if you’re brilliant at
well I believe if you’re brilliant at something why care what you’re doing it
something why care what you’re doing it
something why care what you’re doing it for my name is Alma – ik it’s been a
for my name is Alma – ik it’s been a
for my name is Alma – ik it’s been a pleasure thank you
pleasure thank you
pleasure thank you [Applause]
”
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