good evening ladies and gentlemen how are you all doing today that’s good
are you all doing today that’s good
are you all doing today that’s good that’s good so I’m going to talk to you
that’s good so I’m going to talk to you
that’s good so I’m going to talk to you guys about something that happened to me
guys about something that happened to me
guys about something that happened to me five months ago on October 6 at 9:30
five months ago on October 6 at 9:30
five months ago on October 6 at 9:30 p.m. I called home my mother picked up
p.m. I called home my mother picked up
p.m. I called home my mother picked up mama I need to tell you something yeah
mama I need to tell you something yeah
mama I need to tell you something yeah what is it I am NOT coming home oh so
what is it I am NOT coming home oh so
what is it I am NOT coming home oh so you need us to come pick you up no mama
you need us to come pick you up no mama
you need us to come pick you up no mama I’m not coming home I’ve chosen to live
I’m not coming home I’ve chosen to live
I’m not coming home I’ve chosen to live on campus what followed was a litany of
on campus what followed was a litany of
on campus what followed was a litany of accusations and recriminations
accusations and recriminations
accusations and recriminations what are you doing how could you do this
what are you doing how could you do this
what are you doing how could you do this what did we do to you and finally where
what did we do to you and finally where
what did we do to you and finally where did we go wrong what my mother could not
did we go wrong what my mother could not
did we go wrong what my mother could not know was that I had and that I am still
know was that I had and that I am still
know was that I had and that I am still asking myself those same questions my
asking myself those same questions my
asking myself those same questions my name is Ella holla’d but I was born in
name is Ella holla’d but I was born in
name is Ella holla’d but I was born in Pakistan raised as a Muslim and became
Pakistan raised as a Muslim and became
Pakistan raised as a Muslim and became an American these three identities of
an American these three identities of
an American these three identities of myself proscribed codes of conduct tacit
myself proscribed codes of conduct tacit
myself proscribed codes of conduct tacit rules of behavior and frequently
rules of behavior and frequently
rules of behavior and frequently burdensome expectations never had these
burdensome expectations never had these
burdensome expectations never had these three elements of myself been more in
three elements of myself been more in
three elements of myself been more in conflict than now with countless voices
conflict than now with countless voices
conflict than now with countless voices crying out trying to decide what it
crying out trying to decide what it
crying out trying to decide what it means to be a good Muslim or even a real
means to be a good Muslim or even a real
means to be a good Muslim or even a real American whatever country is struggling
American whatever country is struggling
American whatever country is struggling with today
with today
with today I have been struggling with my entire
I have been struggling with my entire
I have been struggling with my entire life how do I claim and honor the
life how do I claim and honor the
life how do I claim and honor the diverse influences of my cultures and
diverse influences of my cultures and
diverse influences of my cultures and decide who I am besides as a Pakistani
decide who I am besides as a Pakistani
decide who I am besides as a Pakistani girl I was expected to go to school to
girl I was expected to go to school to
girl I was expected to go to school to earn a degree however I was never
earn a degree however I was never
earn a degree however I was never supposed to use that degree rather I was
supposed to use that degree rather I was
supposed to use that degree rather I was to marry the man of my parents dreams
to marry the man of my parents dreams
to marry the man of my parents dreams preferably one they had chosen have
preferably one they had chosen have
preferably one they had chosen have children and spend the rest of my life
children and spend the rest of my life
children and spend the rest of my life raising a family and keeping a home I
raising a family and keeping a home I
raising a family and keeping a home I was never supposed to use my degree
was never supposed to use my degree
was never supposed to use my degree build a career or have a personal life
build a career or have a personal life
build a career or have a personal life outside of my home while I do respect
outside of my home while I do respect
outside of my home while I do respect the merit of these responsibilities I
the merit of these responsibilities I
the merit of these responsibilities I can
can
can not accept a culture that believes this
not accept a culture that believes this
not accept a culture that believes this is the only suitable life for a woman
is the only suitable life for a woman
is the only suitable life for a woman besides these limitations they do not
besides these limitations they do not
besides these limitations they do not have their roots in Islam and the Salaam
have their roots in Islam and the Salaam
have their roots in Islam and the Salaam women had the right to marry a spouse of
women had the right to marry a spouse of
women had the right to marry a spouse of their choice so as long as he is a just
their choice so as long as he is a just
their choice so as long as he is a just in righteous man who upholds his
in righteous man who upholds his
in righteous man who upholds his religious obligations ironically enough
religious obligations ironically enough
religious obligations ironically enough Pakistan itself was built on religious
Pakistan itself was built on religious
Pakistan itself was built on religious freedom that freedom to practice
freedom that freedom to practice
freedom that freedom to practice religion without persecution from any
religion without persecution from any
religion without persecution from any other groups nowadays many parts of the
other groups nowadays many parts of the
other groups nowadays many parts of the country uses Islam as a way to justify
country uses Islam as a way to justify
country uses Islam as a way to justify their own heinous acts
their own heinous acts
their own heinous acts unfortunately Haji song is not the only
unfortunately Haji song is not the only
unfortunately Haji song is not the only country to do so again I cannot accept a
country to do so again I cannot accept a
country to do so again I cannot accept a culture that manipulates the idea of
culture that manipulates the idea of
culture that manipulates the idea of Islam for their own oppression on women
Islam for their own oppression on women
Islam for their own oppression on women is there a way for me to claim my
is there a way for me to claim my
is there a way for me to claim my Pakistani heritage while refusing to
Pakistani heritage while refusing to
Pakistani heritage while refusing to accept their lifestyle for women of
accept their lifestyle for women of
accept their lifestyle for women of course I am by birth a Pakistani but I
course I am by birth a Pakistani but I
course I am by birth a Pakistani but I am by choice in American and yet America
am by choice in American and yet America
am by choice in American and yet America has expectations of me as well of course
has expectations of me as well of course
has expectations of me as well of course I have the freedom of religion right but
I have the freedom of religion right but
I have the freedom of religion right but don’t look to Muslim of course I have
don’t look to Muslim of course I have
don’t look to Muslim of course I have the freedom to worship but do you have
the freedom to worship but do you have
the freedom to worship but do you have to pray right now and of course America
to pray right now and of course America
to pray right now and of course America is a melting pot but they just aren’t
is a melting pot but they just aren’t
is a melting pot but they just aren’t like us
like us
like us and I have often felt like the day and
and I have often felt like the day and
and I have often felt like the day and not like the US is there a way for me to
not like the US is there a way for me to
not like the US is there a way for me to claim my American life while silencing
claim my American life while silencing
claim my American life while silencing those who believe I may cause another
those who believe I may cause another
those who believe I may cause another 9/11 the constant in both the Pakistani
9/11 the constant in both the Pakistani
9/11 the constant in both the Pakistani in the American culture was the practice
in the American culture was the practice
in the American culture was the practice of Islam however that did not come easy
of Islam however that did not come easy
of Islam however that did not come easy either like in all religions there are
either like in all religions there are
either like in all religions there are differences among believers on one hand
differences among believers on one hand
differences among believers on one hand I had my family who told who told me how
I had my family who told who told me how
I had my family who told who told me how to dress how to act in how to speak on
to dress how to act in how to speak on
to dress how to act in how to speak on the other hand I had people who asked me
the other hand I had people who asked me
the other hand I had people who asked me why do you oppress yourself take that
why do you oppress yourself take that
why do you oppress yourself take that his Yaba show the world how beautiful
his Yaba show the world how beautiful
his Yaba show the world how beautiful you really are in short I had Muslim
you really are in short I had Muslim
you really are in short I had Muslim brothers and sisters who told me that I
brothers and sisters who told me that I
brothers and sisters who told me that I was either not properly covered or I was
was either not properly covered or I was
was either not properly covered or I was too devout is there a way for me to show
too devout is there a way for me to show
too devout is there a way for me to show my commitment to Islam that does not
my commitment to Islam that does not
my commitment to Islam that does not garner indignation from other Muslims
garner indignation from other Muslims
garner indignation from other Muslims how could I possibly fulfill the
how could I possibly fulfill the
how could I possibly fulfill the expectations of each of these three
expectations of each of these three
expectations of each of these three elements in my life and be who I wanted
elements in my life and be who I wanted
elements in my life and be who I wanted to be the Weasly the weeks leading up to
to be the Weasly the weeks leading up to
to be the Weasly the weeks leading up to that phone call to my mother I struggled
that phone call to my mother I struggled
that phone call to my mother I struggled with the reality I wrestled with the
with the reality I wrestled with the
with the reality I wrestled with the reality that I was not enough not enough
reality that I was not enough not enough
reality that I was not enough not enough of a Pakistani not enough an American
of a Pakistani not enough an American
of a Pakistani not enough an American not enough of a Muslim as I confronted
not enough of a Muslim as I confronted
not enough of a Muslim as I confronted my shortcomings as I tried and tried
my shortcomings as I tried and tried
my shortcomings as I tried and tried again to fulfill those same expectations
again to fulfill those same expectations
again to fulfill those same expectations I was convinced that I was not enough
I was convinced that I was not enough
I was convinced that I was not enough but then I began to hear those around me
but then I began to hear those around me
but then I began to hear those around me they expect me to publish they expect me
they expect me to publish they expect me
they expect me to publish they expect me to have a 4.0 they expect me to solve
to have a 4.0 they expect me to solve
to have a 4.0 they expect me to solve their problems they expect me to pay my
their problems they expect me to pay my
their problems they expect me to pay my own tuition they expect and they expect
own tuition they expect and they expect
own tuition they expect and they expect and they expect rarely did these
and they expect rarely did these
and they expect rarely did these conversations begin with hey do you know
conversations begin with hey do you know
conversations begin with hey do you know what I want really was anyone being
what I want really was anyone being
what I want really was anyone being asked what do you want to do with your
asked what do you want to do with your
asked what do you want to do with your passion your gift or your faith rarely
passion your gift or your faith rarely
passion your gift or your faith rarely was anyone saying anything that meant
was anyone saying anything that meant
was anyone saying anything that meant hey I know what your expectations of me
hey I know what your expectations of me
hey I know what your expectations of me are and I just don’t want to meet them
are and I just don’t want to meet them
are and I just don’t want to meet them in my case no one ever asked me
in my case no one ever asked me
in my case no one ever asked me sella what do you want as a Pakistani as
sella what do you want as a Pakistani as
sella what do you want as a Pakistani as a Muslim as an American and how will you
a Muslim as an American and how will you
a Muslim as an American and how will you use your own expectations to form your
use your own expectations to form your
use your own expectations to form your wider world your own career and most
wider world your own career and most
wider world your own career and most importantly yourself I understand we all
importantly yourself I understand we all
importantly yourself I understand we all have and we all meet expectations others
have and we all meet expectations others
have and we all meet expectations others have of us some reluctantly and others
have of us some reluctantly and others
have of us some reluctantly and others joyfully but when those same
joyfully but when those same
joyfully but when those same expectations smother our individuality
expectations smother our individuality
expectations smother our individuality silence our inner voice or even erode
silence our inner voice or even erode
silence our inner voice or even erode our beliefs it is our duty to question
our beliefs it is our duty to question
our beliefs it is our duty to question those expectations and when I did I
those expectations and when I did I
those expectations and when I did I didn’t know who I was anymore
didn’t know who I was anymore
didn’t know who I was anymore I didn’t know what I expected of myself
I didn’t know what I expected of myself
I didn’t know what I expected of myself and I didn’t know what to do so I gave
and I didn’t know what to do so I gave
and I didn’t know what to do so I gave it some thought actually a lot of
it some thought actually a lot of
it some thought actually a lot of thought and I realized that I expected
thought and I realized that I expected
thought and I realized that I expected myself to take back control of my life
myself to take back control of my life
myself to take back control of my life and I expected myself to make decisions
and I expected myself to make decisions
and I expected myself to make decisions for and
for and
for and by myself deciding to leave my parents
by myself deciding to leave my parents
by myself deciding to leave my parents home was the first the first decision I
home was the first the first decision I
home was the first the first decision I ever made for and by myself because I
ever made for and by myself because I
ever made for and by myself because I had been pushed I had been nudged to
had been pushed I had been nudged to
had been pushed I had been nudged to abide by the expectations of culture
abide by the expectations of culture
abide by the expectations of culture religion and gender I was taught to
religion and gender I was taught to
religion and gender I was taught to honor others I was taught to fit in and
honor others I was taught to fit in and
honor others I was taught to fit in and I was taught to live within very narrow
I was taught to live within very narrow
I was taught to live within very narrow lanes of what was expected of me so I
lanes of what was expected of me so I
lanes of what was expected of me so I knew right then and there I had to free
knew right then and there I had to free
knew right then and there I had to free myself from the environment that had
myself from the environment that had
myself from the environment that had trapped me mentally and emotionally from
trapped me mentally and emotionally from
trapped me mentally and emotionally from being who I wanted to be but I did not
being who I wanted to be but I did not
being who I wanted to be but I did not do it alone I had a lot of help from
do it alone I had a lot of help from
do it alone I had a lot of help from friends who supported me in this
friends who supported me in this
friends who supported me in this decision and I thank them for that as
decision and I thank them for that as
decision and I thank them for that as for my parents well let’s just say
for my parents well let’s just say
for my parents well let’s just say they’re having a hard time adjusting to
they’re having a hard time adjusting to
they’re having a hard time adjusting to my decision but I know by the will of
my decision but I know by the will of
my decision but I know by the will of God they will come around as I end my
God they will come around as I end my
God they will come around as I end my speech I want to say a few things it is
speech I want to say a few things it is
speech I want to say a few things it is time as human beings we learn to choose
time as human beings we learn to choose
time as human beings we learn to choose and make choices for ourselves to
and make choices for ourselves to
and make choices for ourselves to thoughtfully choose through the
thoughtfully choose through the
thoughtfully choose through the expectations we wish to follow and if
expectations we wish to follow and if
expectations we wish to follow and if you have never done so it will feel like
you have never done so it will feel like
you have never done so it will feel like you don’t know who you are you will be
you don’t know who you are you will be
you don’t know who you are you will be so insecure about yourself you will feel
so insecure about yourself you will feel
so insecure about yourself you will feel like a failure I did and yes it does
like a failure I did and yes it does
like a failure I did and yes it does take a while to revive from all this but
take a while to revive from all this but
take a while to revive from all this but what I learned was that I am strong
what I learned was that I am strong
what I learned was that I am strong enough I am capable enough I am
enough I am capable enough I am
enough I am capable enough I am resilient enough to get through this
resilient enough to get through this
resilient enough to get through this hardship today and forever and I expect
hardship today and forever and I expect
hardship today and forever and I expect you will to thank
you will to thank
you will to thank [Applause]
”
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