well I thought I had it all a wonderful husband a cozy cottage in the
husband a cozy cottage in the
husband a cozy cottage in the countryside good health financial ease a
countryside good health financial ease a
countryside good health financial ease a nice job as an independent consultant
nice job as an independent consultant
nice job as an independent consultant and even a beautiful one-year-old baby
and even a beautiful one-year-old baby
and even a beautiful one-year-old baby boy and then one day I got up ready to
boy and then one day I got up ready to
boy and then one day I got up ready to go to yet another clients and I just
go to yet another clients and I just
go to yet another clients and I just collapsed I collapsed into the sofa and
collapsed I collapsed into the sofa and
collapsed I collapsed into the sofa and I started to cry and I could not stop
I started to cry and I could not stop
I started to cry and I could not stop anymore nobody understood I didn’t
anymore nobody understood I didn’t
anymore nobody understood I didn’t understand my husband didn’t understand
understand my husband didn’t understand
understand my husband didn’t understand the doctor didn’t understand so what was
the doctor didn’t understand so what was
the doctor didn’t understand so what was wrong with me I started searching I got
wrong with me I started searching I got
wrong with me I started searching I got a lot of advice drink bedtime tea do
a lot of advice drink bedtime tea do
a lot of advice drink bedtime tea do yoga do breathing exercises take
yoga do breathing exercises take
yoga do breathing exercises take sleeping pills and do psychotherapy well
sleeping pills and do psychotherapy well
sleeping pills and do psychotherapy well I tried almost everything but it didn’t
I tried almost everything but it didn’t
I tried almost everything but it didn’t help one and a half years earlier I was
help one and a half years earlier I was
help one and a half years earlier I was five months pregnant
five months pregnant
five months pregnant on a Friday my husband told me that he
on a Friday my husband told me that he
on a Friday my husband told me that he had lost his job and from that moment on
had lost his job and from that moment on
had lost his job and from that moment on I started suffering from insomnia after
I started suffering from insomnia after
I started suffering from insomnia after yet another sleepless night I was
yet another sleepless night I was
yet another sleepless night I was desperate there were days where I could
desperate there were days where I could
desperate there were days where I could hardly do more than just lie in a chair
hardly do more than just lie in a chair
hardly do more than just lie in a chair and I had my baby boy how could I give
and I had my baby boy how could I give
and I had my baby boy how could I give him all the attention and the love that
him all the attention and the love that
him all the attention and the love that I wanted to give him now he is a
I wanted to give him now he is a
I wanted to give him now he is a wonderful young man of 24 years old and
wonderful young man of 24 years old and
wonderful young man of 24 years old and it’s very touching for me that he’s here
it’s very touching for me that he’s here
it’s very touching for me that he’s here with us hello Kirsten
so I was completely exhausted and burnt
so I was completely exhausted and burnt out and nothing seemed to help the
out and nothing seemed to help the
out and nothing seemed to help the doctor told me just let your baby cry
doctor told me just let your baby cry
doctor told me just let your baby cry he’s big enough he’s three months old
he’s big enough he’s three months old
he’s big enough he’s three months old now he can cry through the night and
now he can cry through the night and
now he can cry through the night and then you will sleep so was that going to
then you will sleep so was that going to
then you will sleep so was that going to make it better no that just made it
make it better no that just made it
make it better no that just made it worse again because now my husband and I
worse again because now my husband and I
worse again because now my husband and I would be lying in bed completely
would be lying in bed completely
would be lying in bed completely stressed out desperately listening to
stressed out desperately listening to
stressed out desperately listening to our baby desperately crying so there
our baby desperately crying so there
our baby desperately crying so there seemed to be no solution I kept on
seemed to be no solution I kept on
seemed to be no solution I kept on searching and in the end I did find
searching and in the end I did find
searching and in the end I did find something in the meantime we were
something in the meantime we were
something in the meantime we were blessed with our beautiful daughter Lana
blessed with our beautiful daughter Lana
blessed with our beautiful daughter Lana but we did not let her cry six years it
but we did not let her cry six years it
but we did not let her cry six years it took me four years actually to get back
took me four years actually to get back
took me four years actually to get back on my feet again after the day I
on my feet again after the day I
on my feet again after the day I collapsed and six years after the day I
collapsed and six years after the day I
collapsed and six years after the day I collapsed my first book was published
collapsed my first book was published
collapsed my first book was published and I’m so happy to say that last year
and I’m so happy to say that last year
and I’m so happy to say that last year it saw its 25th printing four more books
it saw its 25th printing four more books
it saw its 25th printing four more books were to follow published in several
were to follow published in several
were to follow published in several languages and there are now seventy
languages and there are now seventy
languages and there are now seventy therapists assisting those that need
therapists assisting those that need
therapists assisting those that need more help than the books can offer so I
more help than the books can offer so I
more help than the books can offer so I can’t say how grateful and humbled I am
can’t say how grateful and humbled I am
can’t say how grateful and humbled I am to see that my suffering bore fruit and
to see that my suffering bore fruit and
to see that my suffering bore fruit and has been of help to so many now what did
has been of help to so many now what did
has been of help to so many now what did I what did I find I kept on searching
I what did I find I kept on searching
I what did I find I kept on searching and the first thing that I found
and the first thing that I found
and the first thing that I found actually was that I was sure not the
actually was that I was sure not the
actually was that I was sure not the only one suffering the World Health
only one suffering the World Health
only one suffering the World Health Organization research shows that in the
Organization research shows that in the
Organization research shows that in the last year approximately 30% of all
last year approximately 30% of all
last year approximately 30% of all Europeans will have been suffering from
Europeans will have been suffering from
Europeans will have been suffering from mental emotional disease 30 almost 30
mental emotional disease 30 almost 30
mental emotional disease 30 almost 30 percent that’s not counting people over
percent that’s not counting people over
percent that’s not counting people over 65 if we would add those and we would
65 if we would add those and we would
65 if we would add those and we would add people suffering from burnout I
add people suffering from burnout I
add people suffering from burnout I imagine the figures would
imagine the figures would
imagine the figures would more or less 50% and that’s not counting
more or less 50% and that’s not counting
more or less 50% and that’s not counting all the people suffering from physical
all the people suffering from physical
all the people suffering from physical disease so that’s enormous what is going
disease so that’s enormous what is going
disease so that’s enormous what is going on we have all these research
on we have all these research
on we have all these research institutions state of the arts we are
institutions state of the arts we are
institutions state of the arts we are putting billions of dollars into them
putting billions of dollars into them
putting billions of dollars into them more research we have all the medical
more research we have all the medical
more research we have all the medical help all the evidence-based
help all the evidence-based
help all the evidence-based psychotherapies
psychotherapies
psychotherapies all the wise men and women and their
all the wise men and women and their
all the wise men and women and their wise books but still we are so sick
wise books but still we are so sick
wise books but still we are so sick what’s going on I kept on searching in
what’s going on I kept on searching in
what’s going on I kept on searching in my second discovery was that the mental
my second discovery was that the mental
my second discovery was that the mental and emotional suffering but also the
and emotional suffering but also the
and emotional suffering but also the physical diseases are linked directly to
physical diseases are linked directly to
physical diseases are linked directly to childhood suffering and a very big
childhood suffering and a very big
childhood suffering and a very big discovery for me was that even what we
discovery for me was that even what we
discovery for me was that even what we call a so-called
call a so-called
call a so-called normal childhood caries trauma for a
normal childhood caries trauma for a
normal childhood caries trauma for a small child it’s imprinted in our brains
small child it’s imprinted in our brains
small child it’s imprinted in our brains and in our bodies it’s normal it’s so
and in our bodies it’s normal it’s so
and in our bodies it’s normal it’s so prevalent
prevalent
prevalent we all carry old pain pain from our
we all carry old pain pain from our
we all carry old pain pain from our childhood just imagine being a small
childhood just imagine being a small
childhood just imagine being a small baby being completely dependent on your
baby being completely dependent on your
baby being completely dependent on your caregivers who are not fulfilling your
caregivers who are not fulfilling your
caregivers who are not fulfilling your needs and there’s no way that you can
needs and there’s no way that you can
needs and there’s no way that you can tell them you also can’t get out of the
tell them you also can’t get out of the
tell them you also can’t get out of the situation and go elsewhere to get your
situation and go elsewhere to get your
situation and go elsewhere to get your needs fulfilled you can’t fulfill your
needs fulfilled you can’t fulfill your
needs fulfilled you can’t fulfill your own needs and the worst of all you have
own needs and the worst of all you have
own needs and the worst of all you have no time perspective making the
no time perspective making the
no time perspective making the experience feel as if it will be like
experience feel as if it will be like
experience feel as if it will be like that forever this makes the experience
that forever this makes the experience
that forever this makes the experience that we might think is normal letting a
that we might think is normal letting a
that we might think is normal letting a baby cry or yelling at a child being
baby cry or yelling at a child being
baby cry or yelling at a child being irritated with a child these normal
irritated with a child these normal
irritated with a child these normal things they actually give a small child
things they actually give a small child
things they actually give a small child overwhelming pain and this is something
overwhelming pain and this is something
overwhelming pain and this is something we all carry in our
we all carry in our
we all carry in our system so small children are completely
system so small children are completely
system so small children are completely at the mercy of their parents no matter
at the mercy of their parents no matter
at the mercy of their parents no matter how much parents usually love their
how much parents usually love their
how much parents usually love their child like my parents did and like I did
child like my parents did and like I did
child like my parents did and like I did well dr. Guevara mati the retired
well dr. Guevara mati the retired
well dr. Guevara mati the retired physician with whom I’m happy to
physician with whom I’m happy to
physician with whom I’m happy to collaborate and whose states that we do
collaborate and whose states that we do
collaborate and whose states that we do not need a stitch more research it’s
not need a stitch more research it’s
not need a stitch more research it’s that simple there is an overwhelming
that simple there is an overwhelming
that simple there is an overwhelming body of research showing that early pain
body of research showing that early pain
body of research showing that early pain is at the basis of mental emotional and
is at the basis of mental emotional and
is at the basis of mental emotional and physical suffering however it seems that
physical suffering however it seems that
physical suffering however it seems that many healthcare professionals have an
many healthcare professionals have an
many healthcare professionals have an emotional bloc against this information
emotional bloc against this information
emotional bloc against this information because opening up would mean having to
because opening up would mean having to
because opening up would mean having to confront the childhood pain trauma and
confront the childhood pain trauma and
confront the childhood pain trauma and suffering of their patients as well as
suffering of their patients as well as
suffering of their patients as well as their own so what can we do if we all
their own so what can we do if we all
their own so what can we do if we all carry trauma then where where is it
carry trauma then where where is it
carry trauma then where where is it well it’s neatly stored in our emotional
well it’s neatly stored in our emotional
well it’s neatly stored in our emotional brain it’s all up there and is that then
brain it’s all up there and is that then
brain it’s all up there and is that then the real solution to just go back and
the real solution to just go back and
the real solution to just go back and feel all this old pain no I don’t think
feel all this old pain no I don’t think
feel all this old pain no I don’t think that that’s the real solution and that
that that’s the real solution and that
that that’s the real solution and that brings me maybe to my most important the
brings me maybe to my most important the
brings me maybe to my most important the third discovery is that life in the
third discovery is that life in the
third discovery is that life in the first few years programs each one of us
first few years programs each one of us
first few years programs each one of us and it’s like putting on a pair of
and it’s like putting on a pair of
and it’s like putting on a pair of glasses and from that moment on we will
glasses and from that moment on we will
glasses and from that moment on we will perceive the present the way it was when
perceive the present the way it was when
perceive the present the way it was when we were very small children and not the
we were very small children and not the
we were very small children and not the way it is now so imagine if I grew up in
way it is now so imagine if I grew up in
way it is now so imagine if I grew up in a family with violence and hostility I
a family with violence and hostility I
a family with violence and hostility I will see
will see
will see and expect to see a violent and hostile
and expect to see a violent and hostile
and expect to see a violent and hostile world even if it’s not there now this is
world even if it’s not there now this is
world even if it’s not there now this is important even if it’s not there I will
important even if it’s not there I will
important even if it’s not there I will be seeing through these glasses so if my
be seeing through these glasses so if my
be seeing through these glasses so if my neighbor doesn’t greet me in the morning
neighbor doesn’t greet me in the morning
neighbor doesn’t greet me in the morning it might well become an unintentionally
it might well become an unintentionally
it might well become an unintentionally hostile act he doesn’t like me and he
hostile act he doesn’t like me and he
hostile act he doesn’t like me and he wants to show me or if as a child I grew
wants to show me or if as a child I grew
wants to show me or if as a child I grew up in a family where I was neglected or
up in a family where I was neglected or
up in a family where I was neglected or maybe even abandoned I will grow up to
maybe even abandoned I will grow up to
maybe even abandoned I will grow up to be an adult who will see a cold and
be an adult who will see a cold and
be an adult who will see a cold and indifferent world not caring for me and
indifferent world not caring for me and
indifferent world not caring for me and no matter how much love there might be
no matter how much love there might be
no matter how much love there might be around me somewhere inside I will keep
around me somewhere inside I will keep
around me somewhere inside I will keep on feeling that something is missing we
on feeling that something is missing we
on feeling that something is missing we all know the tragic story of Robin
all know the tragic story of Robin
all know the tragic story of Robin Williams loved by everybody but feeling
Williams loved by everybody but feeling
Williams loved by everybody but feeling so alone inside that he had to take his
so alone inside that he had to take his
so alone inside that he had to take his own life so we see what we expect to see
own life so we see what we expect to see
own life so we see what we expect to see even if it’s not there and we will react
even if it’s not there and we will react
even if it’s not there and we will react to what we perceive and in that way we
to what we perceive and in that way we
to what we perceive and in that way we will install a vicious circle so without
will install a vicious circle so without
will install a vicious circle so without knowing it we keep on seeing the world
knowing it we keep on seeing the world
knowing it we keep on seeing the world and reacting to it the way it was when
and reacting to it the way it was when
and reacting to it the way it was when we were very small children and that’s
we were very small children and that’s
we were very small children and that’s what makes us sick so real true healing
what makes us sick so real true healing
what makes us sick so real true healing is not just about feeling on pain but
is not just about feeling on pain but
is not just about feeling on pain but it’s about discovering that we are
it’s about discovering that we are
it’s about discovering that we are wearing these glasses and taking them
wearing these glasses and taking them
wearing these glasses and taking them off so that we can stop reacting as if
off so that we can stop reacting as if
off so that we can stop reacting as if we are in the past now I can talk about
we are in the past now I can talk about
we are in the past now I can talk about PRI past reality integration the method
PRI past reality integration the method
PRI past reality integration the method I created I can talk about it forever
I created I can talk about it forever
I created I can talk about it forever but I think the best way to explain it
but I think the best way to explain it
but I think the best way to explain it to you is to give you a first-hand
to you is to give you a first-hand
to you is to give you a first-hand experience so let’s give it a try are
experience so let’s give it a try are
experience so let’s give it a try are you ready yes oh
you ready yes oh
you ready yes oh so please if you would close your eyes
take a few deep breaths and then go back
take a few deep breaths and then go back today or yesterday in search for just
today or yesterday in search for just
today or yesterday in search for just some normal situation but that was
some normal situation but that was
some normal situation but that was somehow unpleasant for you and once you
somehow unpleasant for you and once you
somehow unpleasant for you and once you found this normal situation yet
found this normal situation yet
found this normal situation yet unpleasant please raise your hand okay
wonderful then zoom in on this situation
wonderful then zoom in on this situation and try to find the detail of the
and try to find the detail of the
and try to find the detail of the situation which was most unpleasant for
situation which was most unpleasant for
situation which was most unpleasant for you usually it’s something that you see
you usually it’s something that you see
you usually it’s something that you see or something that you hear so it could
or something that you hear so it could
or something that you hear so it could be a tone of voice it could be
be a tone of voice it could be
be a tone of voice it could be particular words maybe it’s a look maybe
particular words maybe it’s a look maybe
particular words maybe it’s a look maybe it’s a gesture trying to scan the
it’s a gesture trying to scan the
it’s a gesture trying to scan the situation or the person and see the
situation or the person and see the
situation or the person and see the detail which is most upsetting to you
detail which is most upsetting to you
detail which is most upsetting to you and once you’ve found it please raise
and once you’ve found it please raise
and once you’ve found it please raise your hand
okay then zoom in even further on this
okay then zoom in even further on this detail imagine the detail becoming
detail imagine the detail becoming
detail imagine the detail becoming bigger and bigger while at the same time
bigger and bigger while at the same time
bigger and bigger while at the same time you imagine yourself your body becoming
you imagine yourself your body becoming
you imagine yourself your body becoming smaller and smaller and then ask
smaller and smaller and then ask
smaller and smaller and then ask yourself the question which message do I
yourself the question which message do I
yourself the question which message do I feel coming towards me from this detail
feel coming towards me from this detail
feel coming towards me from this detail so now this is not about the present
so now this is not about the present
so now this is not about the present this is not about your rational mind
this is not about your rational mind
this is not about your rational mind allow your emotions to speak so
allow your emotions to speak so
allow your emotions to speak so exaggerated make it worse make it bigger
exaggerated make it worse make it bigger
exaggerated make it worse make it bigger and put it in the words of a small child
and put it in the words of a small child
and put it in the words of a small child for example what are you doing here
for example what are you doing here
for example what are you doing here or I can’t stand you or get out of here
or I can’t stand you or get out of here
or I can’t stand you or get out of here so try to feel inside only you can feel
so try to feel inside only you can feel
so try to feel inside only you can feel what is the message that seems to be
what is the message that seems to be
what is the message that seems to be coming towards me from this detail and
coming towards me from this detail and
coming towards me from this detail and please raise your hands once you’ve
please raise your hands once you’ve
please raise your hands once you’ve found the message
okay and then lastly ask yourself what
okay and then lastly ask yourself what was my reaction in the situation did I
was my reaction in the situation did I
was my reaction in the situation did I start to become anxious did I start to
start to become anxious did I start to
start to become anxious did I start to feel inferior did I start to become
feel inferior did I start to become
feel inferior did I start to become irritated angry or judgmental
irritated angry or judgmental
irritated angry or judgmental did I starts becoming stressed and
did I starts becoming stressed and
did I starts becoming stressed and trying to please the other person or did
trying to please the other person or did
trying to please the other person or did I just shrug it off as if it was not
I just shrug it off as if it was not
I just shrug it off as if it was not important and then please once you’ve
important and then please once you’ve
important and then please once you’ve found your reaction open your eyes and
found your reaction open your eyes and
found your reaction open your eyes and come back
okay and then when you open your eyes
okay and then when you open your eyes please take a few deep breaths to be
please take a few deep breaths to be
please take a few deep breaths to be back here so now you have a small taste
back here so now you have a small taste
back here so now you have a small taste of what your glasses look like first of
of what your glasses look like first of
of what your glasses look like first of all the normal yet unpleasant daily
all the normal yet unpleasant daily
all the normal yet unpleasant daily situation somehow reflects something
situation somehow reflects something
situation somehow reflects something about your repressed and denied pain
about your repressed and denied pain
about your repressed and denied pain from your childhood which activated your
from your childhood which activated your
from your childhood which activated your defenses in order not to feel that
defenses in order not to feel that
defenses in order not to feel that repressed pain that’s stored in your
repressed pain that’s stored in your
repressed pain that’s stored in your emotional brain the message that you
emotional brain the message that you
emotional brain the message that you felt coming towards you
felt coming towards you
felt coming towards you echoes something about the way that you
echoes something about the way that you
echoes something about the way that you were treated as a small child and your
were treated as a small child and your
were treated as a small child and your reaction shows you which defense mode
reaction shows you which defense mode
reaction shows you which defense mode was activated actually it’s like a
was activated actually it’s like a
was activated actually it’s like a survival mode that you go into without
survival mode that you go into without
survival mode that you go into without knowing it and once we’re in survival
knowing it and once we’re in survival
knowing it and once we’re in survival mode we will see the present the way it
mode we will see the present the way it
mode we will see the present the way it was when we were very small children so
was when we were very small children so
was when we were very small children so knowing these five defenses and how and
knowing these five defenses and how and
knowing these five defenses and how and why they are activated by a normal
why they are activated by a normal
why they are activated by a normal everyday situation and then knowing that
everyday situation and then knowing that
everyday situation and then knowing that behind these defenses actually is pain
behind these defenses actually is pain
behind these defenses actually is pain that you needed to repress as a small
that you needed to repress as a small
that you needed to repress as a small child because remember the pain of this
child because remember the pain of this
child because remember the pain of this small child we were was overwhelming
small child we were was overwhelming
small child we were was overwhelming knowing all of this then enables you to
knowing all of this then enables you to
knowing all of this then enables you to come back into the present as the adult
come back into the present as the adult
come back into the present as the adult you are instead of living in the past in
you are instead of living in the past in
you are instead of living in the past in the survival mode of the small child you
the survival mode of the small child you
the survival mode of the small child you were so pure I can give you the concrete
were so pure I can give you the concrete
were so pure I can give you the concrete tools to do this now I’d like to share a
tools to do this now I’d like to share a
tools to do this now I’d like to share a few examples with you of how this works
few examples with you of how this works
few examples with you of how this works out in daily life people that recognize
out in daily life people that recognize
out in daily life people that recognize their glasses were able to take them off
their glasses were able to take them off
their glasses were able to take them off and access the pain and come back into
and access the pain and come back into
and access the pain and come back into the present one of my clients was a
the present one of my clients was a
the present one of my clients was a woman who had been suffering from a
woman who had been suffering from a
woman who had been suffering from a phobia of driving for 20 years we found
phobia of driving for 20 years we found
phobia of driving for 20 years we found out that
out that
out that what her fear was really about was being
what her fear was really about was being
what her fear was really about was being hit from the back by another car then we
hit from the back by another car then we
hit from the back by another car then we found out that as a small child
found out that as a small child
found out that as a small child two-year-old child she would be sitting
two-year-old child she would be sitting
two-year-old child she would be sitting playing on the floor and her father
playing on the floor and her father
playing on the floor and her father frustrated angry because he had lost job
frustrated angry because he had lost job
frustrated angry because he had lost job sometimes would come up from the back
sometimes would come up from the back
sometimes would come up from the back and actually kick her while she was
and actually kick her while she was
and actually kick her while she was sitting there playing her mother in the
sitting there playing her mother in the
sitting there playing her mother in the kitchen too afraid of her aggressive
kitchen too afraid of her aggressive
kitchen too afraid of her aggressive husband wouldn’t do anything and just
husband wouldn’t do anything and just
husband wouldn’t do anything and just left the child now imagine the link
left the child now imagine the link
left the child now imagine the link between her fear and her old pain was so
between her fear and her old pain was so
between her fear and her old pain was so direct I mean it’s the exact link now
direct I mean it’s the exact link now
direct I mean it’s the exact link now this woman drives around everywhere
this woman drives around everywhere
this woman drives around everywhere happily even after her worst nightmare
happily even after her worst nightmare
happily even after her worst nightmare came true and she was hit by a truck
came true and she was hit by a truck
came true and she was hit by a truck imagine from behind she managed to stay
imagine from behind she managed to stay
imagine from behind she managed to stay calm throughout the whole ordeal and no
calm throughout the whole ordeal and no
calm throughout the whole ordeal and no fear came back another example is that
fear came back another example is that
fear came back another example is that of a 65 year old man who had been taking
of a 65 year old man who had been taking
of a 65 year old man who had been taking a cocktail of different antidepressants
a cocktail of different antidepressants
a cocktail of different antidepressants for 15 years because he was unable to
for 15 years because he was unable to
for 15 years because he was unable to connect emotionally to others he was
connect emotionally to others he was
connect emotionally to others he was feeling no joy he was feeling numbed and
feeling no joy he was feeling numbed and
feeling no joy he was feeling numbed and especially with his children he was not
especially with his children he was not
especially with his children he was not able to have a good relationship he
able to have a good relationship he
able to have a good relationship he found out that as a child emotional
found out that as a child emotional
found out that as a child emotional connection was really lacking because
connection was really lacking because
connection was really lacking because first of all his mother died when he was
first of all his mother died when he was
first of all his mother died when he was only six then his father started
only six then his father started
only six then his father started struggling with alcoholism then he was
struggling with alcoholism then he was
struggling with alcoholism then he was dumped with an aunt who felt obliged to
dumped with an aunt who felt obliged to
dumped with an aunt who felt obliged to take care of him but who didn’t really
take care of him but who didn’t really
take care of him but who didn’t really want to and now he is able to live
want to and now he is able to live
want to and now he is able to live without pills completely he’s able to
without pills completely he’s able to
without pills completely he’s able to feel joy again and he is able to connect
feel joy again and he is able to connect
feel joy again and he is able to connect to his children emotionally and to
to his children emotionally and to
to his children emotionally and to others in general and standing here in
others in general and standing here in
others in general and standing here in front of you is a woman who used to
front of you is a woman who used to
front of you is a woman who used to suffer from a fear of speaking in public
suffer from a fear of speaking in public
suffer from a fear of speaking in public that was enormous I would have rather
that was enormous I would have rather
that was enormous I would have rather died
died
died then stand here tonight I discovered
then stand here tonight I discovered
then stand here tonight I discovered that behind my fear was childhood
that behind my fear was childhood
that behind my fear was childhood rejection and now public speaking is
rejection and now public speaking is
rejection and now public speaking is part of my life so during my burnout
part of my life so during my burnout
part of my life so during my burnout I was not suffering from some mysterious
I was not suffering from some mysterious
I was not suffering from some mysterious physical disease nor from some chemical
physical disease nor from some chemical
physical disease nor from some chemical imbalance in my brain nor from some
imbalance in my brain nor from some
imbalance in my brain nor from some genetic predisposition what had happened
genetic predisposition what had happened
genetic predisposition what had happened was that my husband’s losing his job had
was that my husband’s losing his job had
was that my husband’s losing his job had actually touched upon all pain of the
actually touched upon all pain of the
actually touched upon all pain of the small and helpless child that I was
small and helpless child that I was
small and helpless child that I was without me realizing it and my babies
without me realizing it and my babies
without me realizing it and my babies crying had awakened directly the old
crying had awakened directly the old
crying had awakened directly the old pain of myself crying as a small baby so
pain of myself crying as a small baby so
pain of myself crying as a small baby so the two events without me realizing it
the two events without me realizing it
the two events without me realizing it had touched my own old trauma from the
had touched my own old trauma from the
had touched my own old trauma from the child I was activating my defenses
child I was activating my defenses
child I was activating my defenses putting me in survival mode and thus in
putting me in survival mode and thus in
putting me in survival mode and thus in total stress now what would have
total stress now what would have
total stress now what would have happened if back then I would have met
happened if back then I would have met
happened if back then I would have met someone who would have said you know in
someone who would have said you know in
someone who would have said you know in a war what what’s happening what do you
a war what what’s happening what do you
a war what what’s happening what do you perceive when now that your husband is
perceive when now that your husband is
perceive when now that your husband is out of work and what do you perceive
out of work and what do you perceive
out of work and what do you perceive when you hear your baby crying in a work
when you hear your baby crying in a work
when you hear your baby crying in a work do you know that there is a direct link
do you know that there is a direct link
do you know that there is a direct link between your perception and something
between your perception and something
between your perception and something that you experienced as a small child
that you experienced as a small child
that you experienced as a small child putting you into survival mode and thus
putting you into survival mode and thus
putting you into survival mode and thus in total stress and that’s the reason
in total stress and that’s the reason
in total stress and that’s the reason why you can’t sleep and something can be
why you can’t sleep and something can be
why you can’t sleep and something can be done about that if I would have known
done about that if I would have known
done about that if I would have known that those two events have put me in
that those two events have put me in
that those two events have put me in survival mode perceiving the present
survival mode perceiving the present
survival mode perceiving the present through the glasses of my childhood how
through the glasses of my childhood how
through the glasses of my childhood how much suffering
much suffering
much suffering how much disconnection from myself and
how much disconnection from myself and
how much disconnection from myself and others with such vast consequences could
others with such vast consequences could
others with such vast consequences could have been prevented now you can do this
have been prevented now you can do this
have been prevented now you can do this you can take off your glasses you can
you can take off your glasses you can
you can take off your glasses you can get out of
get out of
get out of you can live in the present and
you can live in the present and
you can live in the present and ascetically connect to yourself and to
ascetically connect to yourself and to
ascetically connect to yourself and to others imagine the difference this could
others imagine the difference this could
others imagine the difference this could make for the world that we live in thank
make for the world that we live in thank
make for the world that we live in thank you very much
you very much
you very much [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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