[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] hi everyone my name is Noel Clarke and
hi everyone my name is Noel Clarke and
hi everyone my name is Noel Clarke and from IC BSL project i’m working with a
from IC BSL project i’m working with a
from IC BSL project i’m working with a local nonprofit called the beer ad
local nonprofit called the beer ad
local nonprofit called the beer ad foundation it was created in the honor
foundation it was created in the honor
foundation it was created in the honor of the life of brad parker a man who
of the life of brad parker a man who
of the life of brad parker a man who died while rock climbing in Yosemite
died while rock climbing in Yosemite
died while rock climbing in Yosemite Brad’s friends and family members joined
Brad’s friends and family members joined
Brad’s friends and family members joined together in the wake of his death and
together in the wake of his death and
together in the wake of his death and created the foundation so that they
created the foundation so that they
created the foundation so that they could continue spreading his positive
could continue spreading his positive
could continue spreading his positive outlook and his belief in the next
outlook and his belief in the next
outlook and his belief in the next generation Brad’s good friend Jerry
generation Brad’s good friend Jerry
generation Brad’s good friend Jerry dodgeville once said of him you need a
dodgeville once said of him you need a
dodgeville once said of him you need a lot of people in the course of life but
lot of people in the course of life but
lot of people in the course of life but every now and then you meet someone who
every now and then you meet someone who
every now and then you meet someone who is a special being he was one of those
is a special being he was one of those
is a special being he was one of those people when I first heard the statement
people when I first heard the statement
people when I first heard the statement I was struck with an interesting
I was struck with an interesting
I was struck with an interesting question why do some people we meet
question why do some people we meet
question why do some people we meet leave such lasting effects on us even
leave such lasting effects on us even
leave such lasting effects on us even after they die in search for an answer I
after they die in search for an answer I
after they die in search for an answer I began looking at cultures with strong
began looking at cultures with strong
began looking at cultures with strong ties to death and the dying and this led
ties to death and the dying and this led
ties to death and the dying and this led me to the Tanner tirage and culture in a
me to the Tanner tirage and culture in a
me to the Tanner tirage and culture in a TED talk entitled life that doesn’t end
TED talk entitled life that doesn’t end
TED talk entitled life that doesn’t end in death I learned that funerals in the
in death I learned that funerals in the
in death I learned that funerals in the Trojan culture are more cause for
Trojan culture are more cause for
Trojan culture are more cause for celebration than for morning Tanner
celebration than for morning Tanner
celebration than for morning Tanner trojans are a group of indigenous people
trojans are a group of indigenous people
trojans are a group of indigenous people living in Sulawesi Indonesia and because
living in Sulawesi Indonesia and because
living in Sulawesi Indonesia and because of their belief that death isn’t simply
of their belief that death isn’t simply
of their belief that death isn’t simply an end and that life continues on in
an end and that life continues on in
an end and that life continues on in another stage they are able to view
another stage they are able to view
another stage they are able to view funerals as a celebration of the past
funerals as a celebration of the past
funerals as a celebration of the past loved one’s life and the impacts that
loved one’s life and the impacts that
loved one’s life and the impacts that they had on those around them an
they had on those around them an
they had on those around them an interesting story that I heard in this
interesting story that I heard in this
interesting story that I heard in this TED talk was of a woman who died and
TED talk was of a woman who died and
TED talk was of a woman who died and whose funeral was held 20 years later
whose funeral was held 20 years later
whose funeral was held 20 years later she resided in her home until this time
she resided in her home until this time
she resided in her home until this time and was symbolically fed and cared for
and was symbolically fed and cared for
and was symbolically fed and cared for by her children and grandchildren until
by her children and grandchildren until
by her children and grandchildren until they could Acura nuff resources to put
they could Acura nuff resources to put
they could Acura nuff resources to put on a funeral they felt was fitting for
on a funeral they felt was fitting for
on a funeral they felt was fitting for her this may seem like a rare occurrence
her this may seem like a rare occurrence
her this may seem like a rare occurrence in our culture but in the Trojan culture
in our culture but in the Trojan culture
in our culture but in the Trojan culture it is seen as entirely respectful and
it is seen as entirely respectful and
it is seen as entirely respectful and highly commonplace and this reflects the
highly commonplace and this reflects the
highly commonplace and this reflects the belief that death isn’t an end to a
belief that death isn’t an end to a
belief that death isn’t an end to a relationship but merely a transformation
relationship but merely a transformation
relationship but merely a transformation of its nature this belief is further
of its nature this belief is further
of its nature this belief is further reflected in the
reflected in the
reflected in the presence of the tone Conan or the
presence of the tone Conan or the
presence of the tone Conan or the traditional ancestral homes of the
traditional ancestral homes of the
traditional ancestral homes of the Trojan people these beautifully
Trojan people these beautifully
Trojan people these beautifully decorated homes function as the center
decorated homes function as the center
decorated homes function as the center of life and how’s the deceased loved
of life and how’s the deceased loved
of life and how’s the deceased loved ones when I realized the tangent rajan’s
ones when I realized the tangent rajan’s
ones when I realized the tangent rajan’s great acceptance of death and the dying
great acceptance of death and the dying
great acceptance of death and the dying I began looking at Western cultures view
I began looking at Western cultures view
I began looking at Western cultures view and how it is so vastly different from
and how it is so vastly different from
and how it is so vastly different from the Tana Trojans when I first thought
the Tana Trojans when I first thought
the Tana Trojans when I first thought about grief I thought about the
about grief I thought about the
about grief I thought about the five-step grieving process this is a
five-step grieving process this is a
five-step grieving process this is a process that includes denial anger
process that includes denial anger
process that includes denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance
bargaining depression and acceptance
bargaining depression and acceptance when I first thought about it I thought
when I first thought about it I thought
when I first thought about it I thought it was a great way to simplify the
it was a great way to simplify the
it was a great way to simplify the stages of grief for those who may be
stages of grief for those who may be
stages of grief for those who may be experiencing a hard loss but later I
experiencing a hard loss but later I
experiencing a hard loss but later I learned that I can actually function to
learned that I can actually function to
learned that I can actually function to isolate those who aren’t feeling grief
isolate those who aren’t feeling grief
isolate those who aren’t feeling grief in the same way I in the book the other
in the same way I in the book the other
in the same way I in the book the other side of sadness by bereavement
side of sadness by bereavement
side of sadness by bereavement psychologist George a banana I heard a
psychologist George a banana I heard a
psychologist George a banana I heard a story of a woman who lost her daughter
story of a woman who lost her daughter
story of a woman who lost her daughter in the events of 911 she returned to
in the events of 911 she returned to
in the events of 911 she returned to work nearly a week later and her friends
work nearly a week later and her friends
work nearly a week later and her friends and family members were concerned that
and family members were concerned that
and family members were concerned that she was caught up in the denial stage of
she was caught up in the denial stage of
she was caught up in the denial stage of her grief they couldn’t accept that her
her grief they couldn’t accept that her
her grief they couldn’t accept that her experience of grief was different from
experience of grief was different from
experience of grief was different from their own experience another thing I
their own experience another thing I
their own experience another thing I learned from this same book is that more
learned from this same book is that more
learned from this same book is that more often than not we show signs of
often than not we show signs of
often than not we show signs of resilience shortly after experiencing a
resilience shortly after experiencing a
resilience shortly after experiencing a hard loss and this goes entirely against
hard loss and this goes entirely against
hard loss and this goes entirely against the thinking of the five-step grieving
the thinking of the five-step grieving
the thinking of the five-step grieving process I came to the conclusion that
process I came to the conclusion that
process I came to the conclusion that our process of grief should not be
our process of grief should not be
our process of grief should not be widely defined for individuals whose
widely defined for individuals whose
widely defined for individuals whose experiences of grief are as unique as
experiences of grief are as unique as
experiences of grief are as unique as their own experiences in life I read a
their own experiences in life I read a
their own experiences in life I read a poem called patterns by Amy Lowell which
poem called patterns by Amy Lowell which
poem called patterns by Amy Lowell which reflects the same thinking patterns is
reflects the same thinking patterns is
reflects the same thinking patterns is about a woman who lost her soon-to-be
about a woman who lost her soon-to-be
about a woman who lost her soon-to-be husband to war it has now caught up in
husband to war it has now caught up in
husband to war it has now caught up in following the patterns of grief and
following the patterns of grief and
following the patterns of grief and being a pattern herself she must display
being a pattern herself she must display
being a pattern herself she must display the correct signs of grief so that the
the correct signs of grief so that the
the correct signs of grief so that the love for loss fiance is not question
love for loss fiance is not question
love for loss fiance is not question instead of functioning to console her
instead of functioning to console her
instead of functioning to console her and give her a community of people to
and give her a community of people to
and give her a community of people to turn to this instead makes her feel more
turn to this instead makes her feel more
turn to this instead makes her feel more isolated she wears a stiff and lavish
isolated she wears a stiff and lavish
isolated she wears a stiff and lavish gown decorated with jewels and
gown decorated with jewels and
gown decorated with jewels and embroidered in patterns to cover up her
embroidered in patterns to cover up her
embroidered in patterns to cover up her grief broken body
grief broken body
grief broken body reading this poem reminded me of the
reading this poem reminded me of the
reading this poem reminded me of the time that I met Brad Parker’s fiancee
time that I met Brad Parker’s fiancee
time that I met Brad Parker’s fiancee about a year ago he died on the day he
about a year ago he died on the day he
about a year ago he died on the day he proposed to her and even two years later
proposed to her and even two years later
proposed to her and even two years later I could still see the grief she felt
I could still see the grief she felt
I could still see the grief she felt when she talked about him even though I
when she talked about him even though I
when she talked about him even though I could tell she was also very happy I had
could tell she was also very happy I had
could tell she was also very happy I had been positively affected by the beer ad
been positively affected by the beer ad
been positively affected by the beer ad foundation well I had never experienced
foundation well I had never experienced
foundation well I had never experienced a profound loss in my own life merely
a profound loss in my own life merely
a profound loss in my own life merely thinking about losing those I love is
thinking about losing those I love is
thinking about losing those I love is enough to send me into fits of anxiety
enough to send me into fits of anxiety
enough to send me into fits of anxiety and makes me beg an answer to the
and makes me beg an answer to the
and makes me beg an answer to the question how do they go on the answer is
question how do they go on the answer is
question how do they go on the answer is they don’t at least not in the same way
they don’t at least not in the same way
they don’t at least not in the same way i watch the film manchester-by-the-sea
i watch the film manchester-by-the-sea
i watch the film manchester-by-the-sea in which the protagonist brother dies
in which the protagonist brother dies
in which the protagonist brother dies and he is now charged with the task of
and he is now charged with the task of
and he is now charged with the task of being his nephews legal guardian the
being his nephews legal guardian the
being his nephews legal guardian the film portrays their relationships and
film portrays their relationships and
film portrays their relationships and the unique unique experiences they have
the unique unique experiences they have
the unique unique experiences they have with their grief it ends and medea
with their grief it ends and medea
with their grief it ends and medea stress or in the midst of things and I
stress or in the midst of things and I
stress or in the midst of things and I think this speaks volumes unto the very
think this speaks volumes unto the very
think this speaks volumes unto the very nature of bereavement and resilience our
nature of bereavement and resilience our
nature of bereavement and resilience our hearts continue to beat even if they do
hearts continue to beat even if they do
hearts continue to beat even if they do so painfully why bread literature and
so painfully why bread literature and
so painfully why bread literature and watch film on the human characteristic
watch film on the human characteristic
watch film on the human characteristic of resilience I’d never felt it
of resilience I’d never felt it
of resilience I’d never felt it personally in my own life and so I
personally in my own life and so I
personally in my own life and so I wanted more depth on the topic I went in
wanted more depth on the topic I went in
wanted more depth on the topic I went in to talk to mr. Scharffen about his
to talk to mr. Scharffen about his
to talk to mr. Scharffen about his opinion of resilience and what I didn’t
opinion of resilience and what I didn’t
opinion of resilience and what I didn’t know is that recently he had just lost a
know is that recently he had just lost a
know is that recently he had just lost a very dear friend and he told me he could
very dear friend and he told me he could
very dear friend and he told me he could still feel the presence of this friend
still feel the presence of this friend
still feel the presence of this friend in his life and thought this was an
in his life and thought this was an
in his life and thought this was an example of resilience working in his
example of resilience working in his
example of resilience working in his life he defined resilience as the deeper
life he defined resilience as the deeper
life he defined resilience as the deeper understanding that death isn’t simply a
understanding that death isn’t simply a
understanding that death isn’t simply a meaningless end I don’t know about you
meaningless end I don’t know about you
meaningless end I don’t know about you all but this to me sounds a little bit
all but this to me sounds a little bit
all but this to me sounds a little bit like the Tanner triage and belief
like the Tanner triage and belief
like the Tanner triage and belief comparing it to the idea of birth as a
comparing it to the idea of birth as a
comparing it to the idea of birth as a death to one stage in life mr. Scharffen
death to one stage in life mr. Scharffen
death to one stage in life mr. Scharffen said that the death we are accustomed to
said that the death we are accustomed to
said that the death we are accustomed to might just be the end of the
might just be the end of the
might just be the end of the developmental process of our spirits
developmental process of our spirits
developmental process of our spirits just as we need nine months in the womb
just as we need nine months in the womb
just as we need nine months in the womb for our cells to develop and our bodies
for our cells to develop and our bodies
for our cells to develop and our bodies to take form maybe our years here on
to take form maybe our years here on
to take form maybe our years here on this earth our developmental process for
this earth our developmental process for
this earth our developmental process for the formation and maturation of our
the formation and maturation of our
the formation and maturation of our spiritual selves part of the reason we
spiritual selves part of the reason we
spiritual selves part of the reason we fear death so much
fear death so much
fear death so much is that we never think about it for
is that we never think about it for
is that we never think about it for longer than just in passing we are so
longer than just in passing we are so
longer than just in passing we are so caught up in progressing and our daily
caught up in progressing and our daily
caught up in progressing and our daily lives we don’t give ourselves time to
lives we don’t give ourselves time to
lives we don’t give ourselves time to stop and think about the deeper
stop and think about the deeper
stop and think about the deeper existential questions like why am I here
existential questions like why am I here
existential questions like why am I here and what is my purpose in this life the
and what is my purpose in this life the
and what is my purpose in this life the death of a loved one however gives us a
death of a loved one however gives us a
death of a loved one however gives us a jolt and awakens us to these questions
jolt and awakens us to these questions
jolt and awakens us to these questions and where we stand on them my challenge
and where we stand on them my challenge
and where we stand on them my challenge for all of you is to not wait for the
for all of you is to not wait for the
for all of you is to not wait for the death of a loved one to change something
death of a loved one to change something
death of a loved one to change something about your relationships or your life
about your relationships or your life
about your relationships or your life and to remember that you are more
and to remember that you are more
and to remember that you are more resilient than you may think thank you
resilient than you may think thank you
resilient than you may think thank you [Applause]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
”
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