hello everybody my name is Ian and I’m an addict but I’m so much more than that
an addict but I’m so much more than that
an addict but I’m so much more than that today I’m a university student I’m an
today I’m a university student I’m an
today I’m a university student I’m an employee and I’m a member of society
employee and I’m a member of society
employee and I’m a member of society that makes a positive contribution it’s
that makes a positive contribution it’s
that makes a positive contribution it’s not always been that way for me I’ve
not always been that way for me I’ve
not always been that way for me I’ve known moments of desperation and I want
known moments of desperation and I want
known moments of desperation and I want to talk to you today about what I call
to talk to you today about what I call
to talk to you today about what I call the gift of desperation and I believe
the gift of desperation and I believe
the gift of desperation and I believe that these lessons are valuable to all
that these lessons are valuable to all
that these lessons are valuable to all of us and what happens when we don’t
of us and what happens when we don’t
of us and what happens when we don’t feel connected to our humanity and loved
feel connected to our humanity and loved
feel connected to our humanity and loved in my case it was drugs in your case it
in my case it was drugs in your case it
in my case it was drugs in your case it may be compulsive eating cereal
may be compulsive eating cereal
may be compulsive eating cereal relationships gambling ten years ago I
relationships gambling ten years ago I
relationships gambling ten years ago I was in the police station for a
was in the police station for a
was in the police station for a shoplifting charge I was sat at the
shoplifting charge I was sat at the
shoplifting charge I was sat at the table with a duty solicitor she was warm
table with a duty solicitor she was warm
table with a duty solicitor she was warm and kind towards me more so than I could
and kind towards me more so than I could
and kind towards me more so than I could ever be towards myself at that point
ever be towards myself at that point
ever be towards myself at that point before I had abandoned the human being
before I had abandoned the human being
before I had abandoned the human being inside of me I was 21 years old I was
inside of me I was 21 years old I was
inside of me I was 21 years old I was six-foot so eight stone in weight and
six-foot so eight stone in weight and
six-foot so eight stone in weight and washed or change my clothes for weeks as
washed or change my clothes for weeks as
washed or change my clothes for weeks as our street homeless and I had track
our street homeless and I had track
our street homeless and I had track marks all at my arms from injecting
marks all at my arms from injecting
marks all at my arms from injecting crack cocaine and heroin every day this
crack cocaine and heroin every day this
crack cocaine and heroin every day this solicitor was kind and warm towards me
solicitor was kind and warm towards me
solicitor was kind and warm towards me she showed me compassion in love and she
she showed me compassion in love and she
she showed me compassion in love and she told me that she used to have a drink
told me that she used to have a drink
told me that she used to have a drink problem she doesn’t drink anymore and
problem she doesn’t drink anymore and
problem she doesn’t drink anymore and that provided me of a window of
that provided me of a window of
that provided me of a window of opportunity to be honest about feeling
opportunity to be honest about feeling
opportunity to be honest about feeling like I was going to be judged I remember
like I was going to be judged I remember
like I was going to be judged I remember I sat back in the chair and I took a
I sat back in the chair and I took a
I sat back in the chair and I took a deep breath and I just said I don’t want
deep breath and I just said I don’t want
deep breath and I just said I don’t want to live like this anymore but I didn’t
to live like this anymore but I didn’t
to live like this anymore but I didn’t know what to do and it’s really
know what to do and it’s really
know what to do and it’s really important that the way I was living
important that the way I was living
important that the way I was living wasn’t a choice it wasn’t self-inflicted
wasn’t a choice it wasn’t self-inflicted
wasn’t a choice it wasn’t self-inflicted it wasn’t an ethical dilemma or a moral
it wasn’t an ethical dilemma or a moral
it wasn’t an ethical dilemma or a moral deficiency because I didn’t know there
deficiency because I didn’t know there
deficiency because I didn’t know there was another way to live and if there was
was another way to live and if there was
was another way to live and if there was it wasn’t impossible for someone like me
it wasn’t impossible for someone like me
it wasn’t impossible for someone like me the only thing that was holding me
the only thing that was holding me
the only thing that was holding me together at that point in my life was
together at that point in my life was
together at that point in my life was denial I now know that Dena was a
denial I now know that Dena was a
denial I now know that Dena was a psychological coping strategy designed
psychological coping strategy designed
psychological coping strategy designed to keep us emotionally stable in very
to keep us emotionally stable in very
to keep us emotionally stable in very unstable times
unstable times
unstable times every time I was released from prison if
every time I was released from prison if
every time I was released from prison if you ask me you’re going to use drugs I
you ask me you’re going to use drugs I
you ask me you’re going to use drugs I would have said no and if you lied me up
would have said no and if you lied me up
would have said no and if you lied me up to put me up to a lie-detector test
to put me up to a lie-detector test
to put me up to a lie-detector test I would have passed it because I was
I would have passed it because I was
I would have passed it because I was telling the truth but I want you to know
telling the truth but I want you to know
telling the truth but I want you to know that every time I left prison I couldn’t
that every time I left prison I couldn’t
that every time I left prison I couldn’t stop because I didn’t know how to I
stop because I didn’t know how to I
stop because I didn’t know how to I didn’t know that I suffered from an
didn’t know that I suffered from an
didn’t know that I suffered from an obsession beyond my mental control which
obsession beyond my mental control which
obsession beyond my mental control which drove and a compulsion to use drugs
drove and a compulsion to use drugs
drove and a compulsion to use drugs against my will and every time I sold my
against my will and every time I sold my
against my will and every time I sold my values I sold my hope
values I sold my hope
values I sold my hope I sold my being I gave up on everything
I sold my being I gave up on everything
I sold my being I gave up on everything that was important to me and the sadness
that was important to me and the sadness
that was important to me and the sadness deep inside my soul had never left I did
deep inside my soul had never left I did
deep inside my soul had never left I did not understand the diction I did not
not understand the diction I did not
not understand the diction I did not understand that I was sick I did not
understand that I was sick I did not
understand that I was sick I did not understand that had a problem and I had
understand that had a problem and I had
understand that had a problem and I had the fear of abandonment I believe that I
the fear of abandonment I believe that I
the fear of abandonment I believe that I was completely worthless I had a belief
was completely worthless I had a belief
was completely worthless I had a belief that I was unworthy of receiving love
that I was unworthy of receiving love
that I was unworthy of receiving love and I now know that our belief system is
and I now know that our belief system is
and I now know that our belief system is the engine that drives our behavior my
the engine that drives our behavior my
the engine that drives our behavior my ego and self-destructive behavior
ego and self-destructive behavior
ego and self-destructive behavior patterns came from a sense of
patterns came from a sense of
patterns came from a sense of worthlessness and I’d end up in a dark
worthlessness and I’d end up in a dark
worthlessness and I’d end up in a dark place not knowing where to turn or how
place not knowing where to turn or how
place not knowing where to turn or how to escape so why am I telling you this
to escape so why am I telling you this
to escape so why am I telling you this because I want you to know how it feels
because I want you to know how it feels
because I want you to know how it feels I believe that people who are suffering
I believe that people who are suffering
I believe that people who are suffering from the what we’re called for this
from the what we’re called for this
from the what we’re called for this argument disease of addiction deserved
argument disease of addiction deserved
argument disease of addiction deserved to be met with compassion kindness
to be met with compassion kindness
to be met with compassion kindness understanding not to be rejected from
understanding not to be rejected from
understanding not to be rejected from society
society
society starved of your social capital which is
starved of your social capital which is
starved of your social capital which is survival which is essential for human
survival which is essential for human
survival which is essential for human survival in modern-day society so I’m
survival in modern-day society so I’m
survival in modern-day society so I’m proposing that we change narrative the
proposing that we change narrative the
proposing that we change narrative the political undercurrent talks about the
political undercurrent talks about the
political undercurrent talks about the war on drugs I get this you know drugs
war on drugs I get this you know drugs
war on drugs I get this you know drugs you know they devastate communities and
you know they devastate communities and
you know they devastate communities and families and it’s very intimidating and
families and it’s very intimidating and
families and it’s very intimidating and we might feel like we’re under attack
we might feel like we’re under attack
we might feel like we’re under attack gable Matt say he’s a doctor and a
gable Matt say he’s a doctor and a
gable Matt say he’s a doctor and a writer an addiction a big inspiration of
writer an addiction a big inspiration of
writer an addiction a big inspiration of mine he says that we can’t wage war on
mine he says that we can’t wage war on
mine he says that we can’t wage war on an inanimate object so therefore we are
an inanimate object so therefore we are
an inanimate object so therefore we are waging war on society’s most vulnerable
waging war on society’s most vulnerable
waging war on society’s most vulnerable people so I proposed a question by
people so I proposed a question by
people so I proposed a question by criminalizing addicts are we creating
criminalizing addicts are we creating
criminalizing addicts are we creating barriers to recovery if a baby is put in
barriers to recovery if a baby is put in
barriers to recovery if a baby is put in an incubator when it’s born with
an incubator when it’s born with
an incubator when it’s born with human contact parts of the baby’s brain
human contact parts of the baby’s brain
human contact parts of the baby’s brain won’t develop in more serious cases the
won’t develop in more serious cases the
won’t develop in more serious cases the baby will die even if the baby is given
baby will die even if the baby is given
baby will die even if the baby is given a nutritious diet in order to aid
a nutritious diet in order to aid
a nutritious diet in order to aid physical development this is called the
physical development this is called the
physical development this is called the biopsychosocial model so the biology of
biopsychosocial model so the biology of
biopsychosocial model so the biology of the brain is impacted by psychological
the brain is impacted by psychological
the brain is impacted by psychological and sociological factors
and sociological factors
and sociological factors so if baby’s brains won’t develop we’re
so if baby’s brains won’t develop we’re
so if baby’s brains won’t develop we’re little or no human contact when we put
little or no human contact when we put
little or no human contact when we put them in an incubator what do we expect
them in an incubator what do we expect
them in an incubator what do we expect to happen to adults when we incarcerate
to happen to adults when we incarcerate
to happen to adults when we incarcerate them whose addiction is a symptom of
them whose addiction is a symptom of
them whose addiction is a symptom of similar causes I think we must
similar causes I think we must
similar causes I think we must understand people in different ways in
understand people in different ways in
understand people in different ways in some respects I propose the society just
some respects I propose the society just
some respects I propose the society just like myself is in desperation the
like myself is in desperation the
like myself is in desperation the desperation is now that we must finally
desperation is now that we must finally
desperation is now that we must finally consider an alternative route so I
consider an alternative route so I
consider an alternative route so I propose that we reconsider society’s
propose that we reconsider society’s
propose that we reconsider society’s response does the criminal justice
response does the criminal justice
response does the criminal justice system work or does it create further
system work or does it create further
system work or does it create further barriers to recovery could more be done
barriers to recovery could more be done
barriers to recovery could more be done with people while they are in prison why
with people while they are in prison why
with people while they are in prison why are there not more treatment programs
are there not more treatment programs
are there not more treatment programs and facilities in prison drugs are not
and facilities in prison drugs are not
and facilities in prison drugs are not addictive so if drugs are addictive than
addictive so if drugs are addictive than
addictive so if drugs are addictive than anyone ever took a drug would be a drug
anyone ever took a drug would be a drug
anyone ever took a drug would be a drug addict it’s a myth to think they are
addict it’s a myth to think they are
addict it’s a myth to think they are drugs don’t cause addiction we have to
drugs don’t cause addiction we have to
drugs don’t cause addiction we have to ask why people susceptible to addiction
ask why people susceptible to addiction
ask why people susceptible to addiction so perhaps could we decriminalize drugs
so perhaps could we decriminalize drugs
so perhaps could we decriminalize drugs could that work why are we scared of
could that work why are we scared of
could that work why are we scared of that idea why don’t we have money to
that idea why don’t we have money to
that idea why don’t we have money to send someone to treatment but we have a
send someone to treatment but we have a
send someone to treatment but we have a hundred and nineteen thousand pounds to
hundred and nineteen thousand pounds to
hundred and nineteen thousand pounds to put them in prison so the home office
put them in prison so the home office
put them in prison so the home office states that 65 percent of drug charges
states that 65 percent of drug charges
states that 65 percent of drug charges are due to possession the government
are due to possession the government
are due to possession the government spends 10 billion pounds on the war on
spends 10 billion pounds on the war on
spends 10 billion pounds on the war on drugs every year that’s a lot of money
drugs every year that’s a lot of money
drugs every year that’s a lot of money for a war that I don’t think is entirely
for a war that I don’t think is entirely
for a war that I don’t think is entirely real there are 85,000 human beings in
real there are 85,000 human beings in
real there are 85,000 human beings in prison any given time 35 percent of that
prison any given time 35 percent of that
prison any given time 35 percent of that prison population are addicted to drugs
prison population are addicted to drugs
prison population are addicted to drugs each new prison place costs 119 thousand
each new prison place costs 119 thousand
each new prison place costs 119 thousand pounds to get them into prison from what
pounds to get them into prison from what
pounds to get them into prison from what happens to the Dominican a become in
happens to the Dominican a become in
happens to the Dominican a become in conflict with the law to the point when
conflict with the law to the point when
conflict with the law to the point when they get in prison from then on every
they get in prison from then on every
they get in prison from then on every year it costs 40,000 pounds to keep an
year it costs 40,000 pounds to keep an
year it costs 40,000 pounds to keep an individual in prison
individual in prison
individual in prison one person being in prison for a year
one person being in prison for a year
one person being in prison for a year cost one hundred and fifty nine thousand
cost one hundred and fifty nine thousand
cost one hundred and fifty nine thousand pounds the cost of a rehab for six
pounds the cost of a rehab for six
pounds the cost of a rehab for six months is ten thousand pounds by
months is ten thousand pounds by
months is ten thousand pounds by thanking someone to treatment
thanking someone to treatment
thanking someone to treatment you’re not only identifying who
you’re not only identifying who
you’re not only identifying who committed the crime but you are
committed the crime but you are
committed the crime but you are identifying the reasons why they
identifying the reasons why they
identifying the reasons why they committed the crime when you treat that
committed the crime when you treat that
committed the crime when you treat that you rapidly reduce the risk of
you rapidly reduce the risk of
you rapidly reduce the risk of reoffending so this is make economic
reoffending so this is make economic
reoffending so this is make economic sense I’m not a criminologist I’m not a
sense I’m not a criminologist I’m not a
sense I’m not a criminologist I’m not a professor in addiction or economics I’m
professor in addiction or economics I’m
professor in addiction or economics I’m just an addict we’ve got clean and found
just an addict we’ve got clean and found
just an addict we’ve got clean and found another way to live and when I reflect I
another way to live and when I reflect I
another way to live and when I reflect I just felt that so much more could be
just felt that so much more could be
just felt that so much more could be done so I’m asking you if someone you
done so I’m asking you if someone you
done so I’m asking you if someone you loved or cared about furthermore
loved or cared about furthermore
loved or cared about furthermore yourself was in a similar situation how
yourself was in a similar situation how
yourself was in a similar situation how would you want them to be treated if you
would you want them to be treated if you
would you want them to be treated if you were in your moment in your darkest hour
were in your moment in your darkest hour
were in your moment in your darkest hour in your moment of desperation would you
in your moment of desperation would you
in your moment of desperation would you want to be demonized criminalized
want to be demonized criminalized
want to be demonized criminalized marginalized rejected from society
marginalized rejected from society
marginalized rejected from society starved of social capital removed from
starved of social capital removed from
starved of social capital removed from everyone that loves you would you want
everyone that loves you would you want
everyone that loves you would you want to be met compassion kindness love and
to be met compassion kindness love and
to be met compassion kindness love and acceptance and give you some kind of
acceptance and give you some kind of
acceptance and give you some kind of solution when I was at school I thought
solution when I was at school I thought
solution when I was at school I thought all the other children got took to one
all the other children got took to one
all the other children got took to one side and was told this is the secret for
side and was told this is the secret for
side and was told this is the secret for living life but whatever you do don’t
living life but whatever you do don’t
living life but whatever you do don’t tell him I was convinced there was this
tell him I was convinced there was this
tell him I was convinced there was this book this lesson this memo or something
book this lesson this memo or something
book this lesson this memo or something I observed all the other children the
I observed all the other children the
I observed all the other children the school and Hsu knew what to do they knew
school and Hsu knew what to do they knew
school and Hsu knew what to do they knew how to interact and talk and engage and
how to interact and talk and engage and
how to interact and talk and engage and I was it a lost ultimately I felt lost
I was it a lost ultimately I felt lost
I was it a lost ultimately I felt lost and alone I even asked one of my peers I
and alone I even asked one of my peers I
and alone I even asked one of my peers I said if they told you singing told you
said if they told you singing told you
said if they told you singing told you not to tell me
not to tell me
not to tell me he looked something like ours bonkers I
he looked something like ours bonkers I
he looked something like ours bonkers I get it now
get it now
get it now but I had a predisposition within myself
but I had a predisposition within myself
but I had a predisposition within myself and I projected that onto the
and I projected that onto the
and I projected that onto the environment around me and that’s why I
environment around me and that’s why I
environment around me and that’s why I felt like that and I look back at my
felt like that and I look back at my
felt like that and I look back at my school experience and it was all about
school experience and it was all about
school experience and it was all about telling me what to think where not how
telling me what to think where not how
telling me what to think where not how to think and for an emotionally
to think and for an emotionally
to think and for an emotionally preoccupied extremely sensitive child
preoccupied extremely sensitive child
preoccupied extremely sensitive child like me I was never going to fit into
like me I was never going to fit into
like me I was never going to fit into the status quo
the status quo
the status quo and I’ve realized that the world does
and I’ve realized that the world does
and I’ve realized that the world does not give us permission to truly feel
not give us permission to truly feel
not give us permission to truly feel what we feel and have the human
what we feel and have the human
what we feel and have the human experience that were all here to do
experience that were all here to do
experience that were all here to do I couldn’t rock up to the breakfast
I couldn’t rock up to the breakfast
I couldn’t rock up to the breakfast table as a child and say listen I feel
table as a child and say listen I feel
table as a child and say listen I feel really unworthy of receiving love today
really unworthy of receiving love today
really unworthy of receiving love today everybody you know when I’m smoking a
everybody you know when I’m smoking a
everybody you know when I’m smoking a spliff from a POW on a park bench and
spliff from a POW on a park bench and
spliff from a POW on a park bench and I’m getting into drugs listen mate I
I’m getting into drugs listen mate I
I’m getting into drugs listen mate I feel really scared and insecure right
feel really scared and insecure right
feel really scared and insecure right now I couldn’t say that stuff I had to
now I couldn’t say that stuff I had to
now I couldn’t say that stuff I had to suppress it and I couldn’t suppress it
suppress it and I couldn’t suppress it
suppress it and I couldn’t suppress it so I had to better self-medicate to
so I had to better self-medicate to
so I had to better self-medicate to manage that see I’d like you to imagine
manage that see I’d like you to imagine
manage that see I’d like you to imagine perhaps maybe a school system that
perhaps maybe a school system that
perhaps maybe a school system that nurtured the human experience a bit more
nurtured the human experience a bit more
nurtured the human experience a bit more I’d like you to imagine that on your
I’d like you to imagine that on your
I’d like you to imagine that on your first day of school you were met with a
first day of school you were met with a
first day of school you were met with a teaching team that said welcome we are a
teaching team that said welcome we are a
teaching team that said welcome we are a teaching team that is dedicated to your
teaching team that is dedicated to your
teaching team that is dedicated to your development we love and accept you just
development we love and accept you just
development we love and accept you just the way you are and we can’t wait for
the way you are and we can’t wait for
the way you are and we can’t wait for you to flourish into the beautiful human
you to flourish into the beautiful human
you to flourish into the beautiful human beings you’re all destined to be so I’m
beings you’re all destined to be so I’m
beings you’re all destined to be so I’m asking could more of a school system be
asking could more of a school system be
asking could more of a school system be a support could school be an arena where
a support could school be an arena where
a support could school be an arena where we take less of a focus on the academic
we take less of a focus on the academic
we take less of a focus on the academic learning and more of a focus on the
learning and more of a focus on the
learning and more of a focus on the human experience teaching kindness
human experience teaching kindness
human experience teaching kindness giving relationship building feelings
giving relationship building feelings
giving relationship building feelings thinking self value self esteem surely
thinking self value self esteem surely
thinking self value self esteem surely this is the path that drives us closer
this is the path that drives us closer
this is the path that drives us closer to our humanity and in supporting
to our humanity and in supporting
to our humanity and in supporting children on the human experience they’re
children on the human experience they’re
children on the human experience they’re embarking on I personally feel this
embarking on I personally feel this
embarking on I personally feel this might help create a healthier society
might help create a healthier society
might help create a healthier society and manage some of the symptoms like
and manage some of the symptoms like
and manage some of the symptoms like addiction it takes wisdom to see
addiction it takes wisdom to see
addiction it takes wisdom to see intention but are often judged in our
intention but are often judged in our
intention but are often judged in our actions I was misunderstood for a long
actions I was misunderstood for a long
actions I was misunderstood for a long time my focus and driver is that I want
time my focus and driver is that I want
time my focus and driver is that I want people to experience what I experienced
people to experience what I experienced
people to experience what I experienced I was met with love and acceptance
I was met with love and acceptance
I was met with love and acceptance compassion and kindness the therapeutic
compassion and kindness the therapeutic
compassion and kindness the therapeutic value one adds helping another runs a
value one adds helping another runs a
value one adds helping another runs a parallel when I really believed that we
parallel when I really believed that we
parallel when I really believed that we must build on this change is possible
must build on this change is possible
must build on this change is possible and I recognize that some of the things
and I recognize that some of the things
and I recognize that some of the things that I’m talking about involves change
that I’m talking about involves change
that I’m talking about involves change and I know that change is scary but in
and I know that change is scary but in
and I know that change is scary but in my experience it’s not as scary as doing
my experience it’s not as scary as doing
my experience it’s not as scary as doing it and resistance to change is harder
it and resistance to change is harder
it and resistance to change is harder than change we need to change the
than change we need to change the
than change we need to change the attitudes in the minds of each
attitudes in the minds of each
attitudes in the minds of each individual I want to talk to you about a
individual I want to talk to you about a
individual I want to talk to you about a story quickly
story quickly
story quickly today I choose to stay drug-free I’ve
today I choose to stay drug-free I’ve
today I choose to stay drug-free I’ve been blessed with an opportunity I
been blessed with an opportunity I
been blessed with an opportunity I couldn’t be held responsible for my
couldn’t be held responsible for my
couldn’t be held responsible for my addiction because I didn’t know what I
addiction because I didn’t know what I
addiction because I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t know how to stop
was doing and I didn’t know how to stop
was doing and I didn’t know how to stop but as a human being I recognize I have
but as a human being I recognize I have
but as a human being I recognize I have to be accountable and that’s why I went
to be accountable and that’s why I went
to be accountable and that’s why I went to prison but I although I choose to
to prison but I although I choose to
to prison but I although I choose to stay clean today it’s really important
stay clean today it’s really important
stay clean today it’s really important that you know that choice has been hard
that you know that choice has been hard
that you know that choice has been hard for me it’s probably the hardest choice
for me it’s probably the hardest choice
for me it’s probably the hardest choice I’ve ever made and I only don’t use just
I’ve ever made and I only don’t use just
I’ve ever made and I only don’t use just for today even after all this time and
for today even after all this time and
for today even after all this time and after about three years of recovery I
after about three years of recovery I
after about three years of recovery I relapsed I believe the lie that I wasn’t
relapsed I believe the lie that I wasn’t
relapsed I believe the lie that I wasn’t worth it I didn’t deserve him I was
worth it I didn’t deserve him I was
worth it I didn’t deserve him I was worthless and I was unworthy of
worthless and I was unworthy of
worthless and I was unworthy of receiving love and I behaved in ways
receiving love and I behaved in ways
receiving love and I behaved in ways that self-medicated that feeling until
that self-medicated that feeling until
that self-medicated that feeling until eventually I used and I said I’m just
eventually I used and I said I’m just
eventually I used and I said I’m just going to have one just to manage with
going to have one just to manage with
going to have one just to manage with this feeling just one just because I
this feeling just one just because I
this feeling just one just because I can’t bear this pain any longer
can’t bear this pain any longer
can’t bear this pain any longer five days later I’m injecting heroin
five days later I’m injecting heroin
five days later I’m injecting heroin down the train tracks and I’m in this
down the train tracks and I’m in this
down the train tracks and I’m in this city called Bristol and I reached out to
city called Bristol and I reached out to
city called Bristol and I reached out to one of my friends from the recovery
one of my friends from the recovery
one of my friends from the recovery support groups and I called him and I
support groups and I called him and I
support groups and I called him and I just said I’ve really messed up and I
just said I’ve really messed up and I
just said I’ve really messed up and I don’t know what to do he says I’m gonna
don’t know what to do he says I’m gonna
don’t know what to do he says I’m gonna come and get you so he picked me up and
come and get you so he picked me up and
come and get you so he picked me up and he took me to a recovery Support Group
he took me to a recovery Support Group
he took me to a recovery Support Group and halfway through the meeting I fell
and halfway through the meeting I fell
and halfway through the meeting I fell off the chair because the heroin was
off the chair because the heroin was
off the chair because the heroin was strong and I hadn’t used it for a long
strong and I hadn’t used it for a long
strong and I hadn’t used it for a long time and he got up and walked across the
time and he got up and walked across the
time and he got up and walked across the room and he picked me up off the chair
room and he picked me up off the chair
room and he picked me up off the chair and he put his arms around me and he
and he put his arms around me and he
and he put his arms around me and he rubbed my back and he said to me and you
rubbed my back and he said to me and you
rubbed my back and he said to me and you don’t have to be frightened it’s gonna
don’t have to be frightened it’s gonna
don’t have to be frightened it’s gonna be okay and we’re gonna get through this
be okay and we’re gonna get through this
be okay and we’re gonna get through this together because I love you and I don’t
together because I love you and I don’t
together because I love you and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you now
want anything bad to happen to you now
want anything bad to happen to you now the reason why I’m telling you that is
the reason why I’m telling you that is
the reason why I’m telling you that is because love is the weapon of our choice
because love is the weapon of our choice
because love is the weapon of our choice that’s that’s that’s that’s the weapon
that’s that’s that’s that’s the weapon
that’s that’s that’s that’s the weapon we have our humanity our connectedness
we have our humanity our connectedness
we have our humanity our connectedness to each other our compassion or
to each other our compassion or
to each other our compassion or understanding I didn’t have a defense
understanding I didn’t have a defense
understanding I didn’t have a defense for love reject me from society put me
for love reject me from society put me
for love reject me from society put me in an environment where the way I have
in an environment where the way I have
in an environment where the way I have to behave is conducive to my survival
to behave is conducive to my survival
to behave is conducive to my survival isn’t conducive to what I’m trying to
isn’t conducive to what I’m trying to
isn’t conducive to what I’m trying to promote now that’s familiar to me but I
promote now that’s familiar to me but I
promote now that’s familiar to me but I don’t want that to be familiar I don’t
don’t want that to be familiar I don’t
don’t want that to be familiar I don’t want to have
want to have
want to have to use those barriers and them defenses
to use those barriers and them defenses
to use those barriers and them defenses anymore Oh what love my friend after
anymore Oh what love my friend after
anymore Oh what love my friend after about seven years of recovery he had
about seven years of recovery he had
about seven years of recovery he had some back pain and he went to the doctor
some back pain and he went to the doctor
some back pain and he went to the doctor and the doctor prescribed him with
and the doctor prescribed him with
and the doctor prescribed him with valium for his back valium set off the
valium for his back valium set off the
valium for his back valium set off the obsessions and used drugs which created
obsessions and used drugs which created
obsessions and used drugs which created the compulsion and he couldn’t stop and
the compulsion and he couldn’t stop and
the compulsion and he couldn’t stop and he reverted back to street drugs and he
he reverted back to street drugs and he
he reverted back to street drugs and he went to prison and I remember being in
went to prison and I remember being in
went to prison and I remember being in prison that that torture in that cell
prison that that torture in that cell
prison that that torture in that cell the obsession the loneliness the
the obsession the loneliness the
the obsession the loneliness the degradation the desperation and every
degradation the desperation and every
degradation the desperation and every time you’re in that situation you know
time you’re in that situation you know
time you’re in that situation you know you you hurt people because you you
you you hurt people because you you
you you hurt people because you you don’t know what else to do and you run
don’t know what else to do and you run
don’t know what else to do and you run because the terror is back relapse is
because the terror is back relapse is
because the terror is back relapse is really painful
really painful
really painful my friends are his life because he
my friends are his life because he
my friends are his life because he couldn’t cope without feeling and often
couldn’t cope without feeling and often
couldn’t cope without feeling and often here recovering addicts safe I relapse
here recovering addicts safe I relapse
here recovering addicts safe I relapse if I’m lucky I’ll die if I’m unlucky I
if I’m lucky I’ll die if I’m unlucky I
if I’m lucky I’ll die if I’m unlucky I live for a long time
live for a long time
live for a long time and that’s because that’s a
and that’s because that’s a
and that’s because that’s a representation of how painful it is but
representation of how painful it is but
representation of how painful it is but I don’t believe my friend had to die I
I don’t believe my friend had to die I
I don’t believe my friend had to die I don’t believe that he had to be in that
don’t believe that he had to be in that
don’t believe that he had to be in that cell on his own I believe that society
cell on his own I believe that society
cell on his own I believe that society could have had a health healthier
could have had a health healthier
could have had a health healthier nurturing or humane humanitarian
nurturing or humane humanitarian
nurturing or humane humanitarian response so I’m calling on you to please
response so I’m calling on you to please
response so I’m calling on you to please reconsider how we feel about people in
reconsider how we feel about people in
reconsider how we feel about people in the grips of addiction and just it’s
the grips of addiction and just it’s
the grips of addiction and just it’s funny today is of all days my sister is
funny today is of all days my sister is
funny today is of all days my sister is gone into rehab and you know it’s so
gone into rehab and you know it’s so
gone into rehab and you know it’s so it’s been emotional and I’m on the phone
it’s been emotional and I’m on the phone
it’s been emotional and I’m on the phone to my brother this morning and I’m you
to my brother this morning and I’m you
to my brother this morning and I’m you know in my stuff around this TED talk
know in my stuff around this TED talk
know in my stuff around this TED talk and if I want it to be good I don’t want
and if I want it to be good I don’t want
and if I want it to be good I don’t want to be an amazing speaker I just want you
to be an amazing speaker I just want you
to be an amazing speaker I just want you to hear what I have to say and I’m
to hear what I have to say and I’m
to hear what I have to say and I’m hoping that you can change some thinking
hoping that you can change some thinking
hoping that you can change some thinking the way you see things and that can have
the way you see things and that can have
the way you see things and that can have a collective response you know but and
a collective response you know but and
a collective response you know but and I’m talking to my brother he’s been
I’m talking to my brother he’s been
I’m talking to my brother he’s been working really hard to get her in there
working really hard to get her in there
working really hard to get her in there we both have him and she won’t get in
we both have him and she won’t get in
we both have him and she won’t get in the car she won’t get in the car you
the car she won’t get in the car you
the car she won’t get in the car you know I’m driving here in a long way here
know I’m driving here in a long way here
know I’m driving here in a long way here and and I said to me you just need to
and and I said to me you just need to
and and I said to me you just need to tell her that you know she’s scared and
tell her that you know she’s scared and
tell her that you know she’s scared and we needed to be brave right now
we needed to be brave right now
we needed to be brave right now and she is so courageous and she’s on
and she is so courageous and she’s on
and she is so courageous and she’s on her way and she’s getting there and and
her way and she’s getting there and and
her way and she’s getting there and and it really took back to me how scared I
it really took back to me how scared I
it really took back to me how scared I was when I looked at myself and when I
was when I looked at myself and when I
was when I looked at myself and when I decided to live this new where life is I
decided to live this new where life is I
decided to live this new where life is I didn’t know what it meant and people in
didn’t know what it meant and people in
didn’t know what it meant and people in recovery they’re the most courageous
recovery they’re the most courageous
recovery they’re the most courageous people you will ever meet deep sensitive
people you will ever meet deep sensitive
people you will ever meet deep sensitive caring compassionate we’ve been in the
caring compassionate we’ve been in the
caring compassionate we’ve been in the gutter
gutter
gutter we’ve been on Britain scrapheap people
we’ve been on Britain scrapheap people
we’ve been on Britain scrapheap people ignored us
ignored us
ignored us I was sitting outside shops homeless
I was sitting outside shops homeless
I was sitting outside shops homeless hungry cold and people treat me
hungry cold and people treat me
hungry cold and people treat me different today and we a reflection of
different today and we a reflection of
different today and we a reflection of society true reflection is how we treat
society true reflection is how we treat
society true reflection is how we treat our most vulnerable members of society
our most vulnerable members of society
our most vulnerable members of society so I would like to dedicate this talk to
so I would like to dedicate this talk to
so I would like to dedicate this talk to my sister who I’m extremely proud of my
my sister who I’m extremely proud of my
my sister who I’m extremely proud of my mother who who lost her life to this
mother who who lost her life to this
mother who who lost her life to this illness three years ago and all the
illness three years ago and all the
illness three years ago and all the friends of mine that have died and I
friends of mine that have died and I
friends of mine that have died and I pray that they rest in peace as we try
pray that they rest in peace as we try
pray that they rest in peace as we try to understand more of what they suffered
to understand more of what they suffered
to understand more of what they suffered with my name is you know a recovering
with my name is you know a recovering
with my name is you know a recovering addict thank you
addict thank you
addict thank you [Applause]
”
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