this is my grandmother she had nine children my mother is the one on the top
children my mother is the one on the top
children my mother is the one on the top right
right
right she had my brother and I quite young and
she had my brother and I quite young and
she had my brother and I quite young and my second brother in her late 30s babies
my second brother in her late 30s babies
my second brother in her late 30s babies and our family were adored and abundant
and our family were adored and abundant
and our family were adored and abundant in fact I over have over twenty first
in fact I over have over twenty first
in fact I over have over twenty first cousins even as a child I always knew I
cousins even as a child I always knew I
cousins even as a child I always knew I wanted to be mother so I assumed get
wanted to be mother so I assumed get
wanted to be mother so I assumed get getting pregnant was the easy part but
getting pregnant was the easy part but
getting pregnant was the easy part but not getting pregnant before I was ready
not getting pregnant before I was ready
not getting pregnant before I was ready was crucial
was crucial
was crucial when I married my husband Steven at age
when I married my husband Steven at age
when I married my husband Steven at age thirty we figured we had no reason to
thirty we figured we had no reason to
thirty we figured we had no reason to rush we started trying in 2003 when I
rush we started trying in 2003 when I
rush we started trying in 2003 when I was 32
was 32
was 32 I was so optimistic that I bought the
I was so optimistic that I bought the
I was so optimistic that I bought the book what to Expect When You’re
book what to Expect When You’re
book what to Expect When You’re Expecting after a month during routine
Expecting after a month during routine
Expecting after a month during routine annual physical my OB suggested we not
annual physical my OB suggested we not
annual physical my OB suggested we not wait a full year before we thought about
wait a full year before we thought about
wait a full year before we thought about seeing a fertility specialist if I
seeing a fertility specialist if I
seeing a fertility specialist if I didn’t get pregnant and I thought what
didn’t get pregnant and I thought what
didn’t get pregnant and I thought what are you talking about my grandmother had
are you talking about my grandmother had
are you talking about my grandmother had nine kids turns out that my grandmother
nine kids turns out that my grandmother
nine kids turns out that my grandmother and my mother’s fertility had nothing to
and my mother’s fertility had nothing to
and my mother’s fertility had nothing to do with mine I had to learn the hard way
do with mine I had to learn the hard way
do with mine I had to learn the hard way that I had spent most of my life trying
that I had spent most of my life trying
that I had spent most of my life trying not to get pregnant I had no idea that
not to get pregnant I had no idea that
not to get pregnant I had no idea that fertility in women begins to decline in
fertility in women begins to decline in
fertility in women begins to decline in our mid 20s and drops sharply after 35
our mid 20s and drops sharply after 35
our mid 20s and drops sharply after 35 this chart steep angle tells part of
this chart steep angle tells part of
this chart steep angle tells part of what may have been happening with me so
what may have been happening with me so
what may have been happening with me so we entered the rotten world of
we entered the rotten world of
we entered the rotten world of infertility quietly like most people do
infertility quietly like most people do
infertility quietly like most people do afraid to admit that we couldn’t get
afraid to admit that we couldn’t get
afraid to admit that we couldn’t get pregnant like everyone else we told no
pregnant like everyone else we told no
pregnant like everyone else we told no one and cringed when we were asked why
one and cringed when we were asked why
one and cringed when we were asked why we didn’t have kids
we didn’t have kids
we didn’t have kids despite being nervous about taking any
despite being nervous about taking any
despite being nervous about taking any medication risk of multiples and unknown
medication risk of multiples and unknown
medication risk of multiples and unknown long-term side effects the first drug I
long-term side effects the first drug I
long-term side effects the first drug I was prescribed was clomid I think lots
was prescribed was clomid I think lots
was prescribed was clomid I think lots of hormones lots of eggs and lots of
of hormones lots of eggs and lots of
of hormones lots of eggs and lots of side effects
side effects
side effects I took three cycles of clomid and didn’t
I took three cycles of clomid and didn’t
I took three cycles of clomid and didn’t get pregnant it was time to up the ante
get pregnant it was time to up the ante
get pregnant it was time to up the ante in the next procedure I you I you’re
in the next procedure I you I you’re
in the next procedure I you I you’re jacked up on more hormones that you and
jacked up on more hormones that you and
jacked up on more hormones that you and Rhett inject directly into your belly
Rhett inject directly into your belly
Rhett inject directly into your belly twice a day in order to produce more
twice a day in order to produce more
twice a day in order to produce more eggs sperm is then placed directly in
eggs sperm is then placed directly in
eggs sperm is then placed directly in your uterus while you’re on a cold
your uterus while you’re on a cold
your uterus while you’re on a cold medical room staring staring at the
medical room staring staring at the
medical room staring staring at the ceiling tile it’s not exactly romantic
ceiling tile it’s not exactly romantic
ceiling tile it’s not exactly romantic in fact I hated it I hated the small
in fact I hated it I hated the small
in fact I hated it I hated the small needles I hated the giant intramuscular
needles I hated the giant intramuscular
needles I hated the giant intramuscular needles the bruising the hormone patches
needles the bruising the hormone patches
needles the bruising the hormone patches pills night sweats weight gain
pills night sweats weight gain
pills night sweats weight gain I hated the endless fighting with
I hated the endless fighting with
I hated the endless fighting with insurance companies and I hated how sad
insurance companies and I hated how sad
insurance companies and I hated how sad and alone I felt out of sheer exhaustion
and alone I felt out of sheer exhaustion
and alone I felt out of sheer exhaustion I think we started sharing our struggles
I think we started sharing our struggles
I think we started sharing our struggles it was difficult fielding unsolicited
it was difficult fielding unsolicited
it was difficult fielding unsolicited advice like you’ll be fine my friend’s
advice like you’ll be fine my friend’s
advice like you’ll be fine my friend’s cousin got pregnant at 42 or why don’t
cousin got pregnant at 42 or why don’t
cousin got pregnant at 42 or why don’t you just adopt or you need to just relax
you just adopt or you need to just relax
you just adopt or you need to just relax despite our pain we marched on and
despite our pain we marched on and
despite our pain we marched on and although we felt so isolated we were in
although we felt so isolated we were in
although we felt so isolated we were in fact not marching alone one in eight
fact not marching alone one in eight
fact not marching alone one in eight couples struggle with infertility one in
couples struggle with infertility one in
couples struggle with infertility one in eight the CDC finds that the number of
eight the CDC finds that the number of
eight the CDC finds that the number of women in the United States aged 15 to 44
women in the United States aged 15 to 44
women in the United States aged 15 to 44 that experienced infertility is 6.7
that experienced infertility is 6.7
that experienced infertility is 6.7 million we were getting frustrated so we
million we were getting frustrated so we
million we were getting frustrated so we did research alternative therapies seem
did research alternative therapies seem
did research alternative therapies seem promising so we went to Boston to
promising so we went to Boston to
promising so we went to Boston to consult the Chinese herbalist I drank
consult the Chinese herbalist I drank
consult the Chinese herbalist I drank tea that I’m pretty sure was dirt I
tea that I’m pretty sure was dirt I
tea that I’m pretty sure was dirt I received acupuncture stopped running for
received acupuncture stopped running for
received acupuncture stopped running for a while which was a bad idea I meditated
a while which was a bad idea I meditated
a while which was a bad idea I meditated and did yoga which was a good idea our
and did yoga which was a good idea our
and did yoga which was a good idea our calendar year went like this I UI one
calendar year went like this I UI one
calendar year went like this I UI one failed iy 2 failed take a month off and
failed iy 2 failed take a month off and
failed iy 2 failed take a month off and exhausted
exhausted
exhausted iy three failed take a few months off
iy three failed take a few months off
iy three failed take a few months off start antidepressants iy four failed
start antidepressants iy four failed
start antidepressants iy four failed take another month or three off i ui5
take another month or three off i ui5
take another month or three off i ui5 bull’s-eye
bull’s-eye
bull’s-eye this was in fact the tasteful way we
this was in fact the tasteful way we
this was in fact the tasteful way we chose to tell our parents that I was
chose to tell our parents that I was
chose to tell our parents that I was finally pregnant our first ultrasound
finally pregnant our first ultrasound
finally pregnant our first ultrasound confirmed that I was in fact pregnant
confirmed that I was in fact pregnant
confirmed that I was in fact pregnant with triplets despite my panic over
with triplets despite my panic over
with triplets despite my panic over having multiples I grew to embrace the
having multiples I grew to embrace the
having multiples I grew to embrace the idea of our little three pack began a
idea of our little three pack began a
idea of our little three pack began a pregnancy journal and made a list of
pregnancy journal and made a list of
pregnancy journal and made a list of baby names Alex Katie Sam
baby names Alex Katie Sam
baby names Alex Katie Sam Elizabeth Shane Tierney I was incredibly
Elizabeth Shane Tierney I was incredibly
Elizabeth Shane Tierney I was incredibly nauseous and exhausted like any other
nauseous and exhausted like any other
nauseous and exhausted like any other pregnant woman I was thrilled and my
pregnant woman I was thrilled and my
pregnant woman I was thrilled and my eight-week appointment the ultrasound
eight-week appointment the ultrasound
eight-week appointment the ultrasound tech told us that one of the heartbeats
tech told us that one of the heartbeats
tech told us that one of the heartbeats had stopped this news was devastating
had stopped this news was devastating
had stopped this news was devastating but we figured there are two other
but we figured there are two other
but we figured there are two other babies and they’ll be fine however at
babies and they’ll be fine however at
babies and they’ll be fine however at the next ultrasound the other two
the next ultrasound the other two
the next ultrasound the other two heartbeats had slowed they told me to go
heartbeats had slowed they told me to go
heartbeats had slowed they told me to go home for the weekend and see how things
home for the weekend and see how things
home for the weekend and see how things looked on Monday my Monday the other two
looked on Monday my Monday the other two
looked on Monday my Monday the other two heartbeats had stopped I had lost all
heartbeats had stopped I had lost all
heartbeats had stopped I had lost all three we planted crocuses that would
three we planted crocuses that would
three we planted crocuses that would come up the early in the early spring
come up the early in the early spring
come up the early in the early spring the time the babies would have been born
the time the babies would have been born
the time the babies would have been born I was utterly distraught as you can
I was utterly distraught as you can
I was utterly distraught as you can imagine but eventually I thought well at
imagine but eventually I thought well at
imagine but eventually I thought well at least I got pregnant and I still had
least I got pregnant and I still had
least I got pregnant and I still had some hope the next step is IVF and in
some hope the next step is IVF and in
some hope the next step is IVF and in this procedure your surge if you
this procedure your surge if you
this procedure your surge if you surgically remove an egg fertilize it in
surgically remove an egg fertilize it in
surgically remove an egg fertilize it in a lab and then return it to uterus once
a lab and then return it to uterus once
a lab and then return it to uterus once it’s dividing properly after the fourth
it’s dividing properly after the fourth
it’s dividing properly after the fourth IVF failed our doctor called us in to
IVF failed our doctor called us in to
IVF failed our doctor called us in to discuss next steps my chart red
discuss next steps my chart red
discuss next steps my chart red decreased ovarian reserve just kind of
decreased ovarian reserve just kind of
decreased ovarian reserve just kind of like a catch-all
like a catch-all
like a catch-all this meant that given my age my eggs
this meant that given my age my eggs
this meant that given my age my eggs were not of the quantity or quality that
were not of the quantity or quality that
were not of the quantity or quality that you would expect no one knew why then
you would expect no one knew why then
you would expect no one knew why then she said something I’ll never forget you
she said something I’ll never forget you
she said something I’ll never forget you should consider donor egg or adoption
should consider donor egg or adoption
should consider donor egg or adoption and I can recall the details of that
and I can recall the details of that
and I can recall the details of that conversation so vividly I felt like my
conversation so vividly I felt like my
conversation so vividly I felt like my support team had given up I thought have
support team had given up I thought have
support team had given up I thought have my husband’s sperm fertilize an egg from
my husband’s sperm fertilize an egg from
my husband’s sperm fertilize an egg from another woman are you kidding this
another woman are you kidding this
another woman are you kidding this sounded like science fiction and I was
sounded like science fiction and I was
sounded like science fiction and I was sure she was wrong and just not trying
sure she was wrong and just not trying
sure she was wrong and just not trying hard enough
hard enough
hard enough Stephen again did extensive research
Stephen again did extensive research
Stephen again did extensive research he’s good at that
he’s good at that
he’s good at that and found a leading fertility doctor in
and found a leading fertility doctor in
and found a leading fertility doctor in Boston after reviewing our giant file he
Boston after reviewing our giant file he
Boston after reviewing our giant file he confirmed our previous doctor’s
confirmed our previous doctor’s
confirmed our previous doctor’s recommendation to tried donor egg but
recommendation to tried donor egg but
recommendation to tried donor egg but said he would support us if we wanted to
said he would support us if we wanted to
said he would support us if we wanted to give my eggs one last try a new team a
give my eggs one last try a new team a
give my eggs one last try a new team a big-name Hospital and renewed hope of
big-name Hospital and renewed hope of
big-name Hospital and renewed hope of course I would try again
course I would try again
course I would try again we drove four hours round-trip for ten
we drove four hours round-trip for ten
we drove four hours round-trip for ten minute ultrasounds time and time again
minute ultrasounds time and time again
minute ultrasounds time and time again more needles more hormones more fighting
more needles more hormones more fighting
more needles more hormones more fighting with insurance companies they placed our
with insurance companies they placed our
with insurance companies they placed our last hope embryo in my uterus and we
last hope embryo in my uterus and we
last hope embryo in my uterus and we were instructed to return two weeks for
were instructed to return two weeks for
were instructed to return two weeks for a blood test to see if it took they
a blood test to see if it took they
a blood test to see if it took they recommended against using at-home
recommended against using at-home
recommended against using at-home pregnancy tests we did not listen
pregnancy tests we did not listen
pregnancy tests we did not listen friends and family were as elated as we
friends and family were as elated as we
friends and family were as elated as we were finally it was our time I drove
were finally it was our time I drove
were finally it was our time I drove again to Boston to get the ultrasound
again to Boston to get the ultrasound
again to Boston to get the ultrasound around two months to see our little baby
around two months to see our little baby
around two months to see our little baby growing but the look on the Tech’s face
growing but the look on the Tech’s face
growing but the look on the Tech’s face we could tell that it was again for us
we could tell that it was again for us
we could tell that it was again for us bad news it was a silent long ride home
bad news it was a silent long ride home
bad news it was a silent long ride home in April of 2008 I lost another
in April of 2008 I lost another
in April of 2008 I lost another pregnancy this time we planted a
pregnancy this time we planted a
pregnancy this time we planted a Japanese maple tree despite being
Japanese maple tree despite being
Japanese maple tree despite being emotionally raw we decided to attend a
emotionally raw we decided to attend a
emotionally raw we decided to attend a seminar aimed at those considering donor
seminar aimed at those considering donor
seminar aimed at those considering donor egg or adoption couple after couples
egg or adoption couple after couples
egg or adoption couple after couples shared their painful infertility stories
shared their painful infertility stories
shared their painful infertility stories that ended with Parenthood I asked
that ended with Parenthood I asked
that ended with Parenthood I asked through tears what does it feel like not
through tears what does it feel like not
through tears what does it feel like not to be able to pass on your own genes
to be able to pass on your own genes
to be able to pass on your own genes that were so important to me your family
that were so important to me your family
that were so important to me your family history and how could you ever recover
history and how could you ever recover
history and how could you ever recover from that loss couple after coupler
from that loss couple after coupler
from that loss couple after coupler assured me once you have your child that
assured me once you have your child that
assured me once you have your child that loss isn’t and is important but at that
loss isn’t and is important but at that
loss isn’t and is important but at that point I didn’t believe them after the
point I didn’t believe them after the
point I didn’t believe them after the conference one generous couple who has
conference one generous couple who has
conference one generous couple who has two boys through donor egg invited us
two boys through donor egg invited us
two boys through donor egg invited us over to their home they were sincere and
over to their home they were sincere and
over to their home they were sincere and very funny so we decided to take them up
very funny so we decided to take them up
very funny so we decided to take them up on the offer what did we have to lose at
on the offer what did we have to lose at
on the offer what did we have to lose at this point they apologized for the toys
this point they apologized for the toys
this point they apologized for the toys everywhere they put the kids to bed it
everywhere they put the kids to bed it
everywhere they put the kids to bed it and we talked about hard the first three
and we talked about hard the first three
and we talked about hard the first three months of Parenthood can be but what
months of Parenthood can be but what
months of Parenthood can be but what about being so different the husband
about being so different the husband
about being so different the husband Larry’s replies edged in my memory
Larry’s replies edged in my memory
Larry’s replies edged in my memory forever don’t
forever don’t
forever don’t me wrong he said our kids are weird but
me wrong he said our kids are weird but
me wrong he said our kids are weird but it isn’t because of how they were
it isn’t because of how they were
it isn’t because of how they were conceived he’s great and he doesn’t
conceived he’s great and he doesn’t
conceived he’s great and he doesn’t remember saying that it’s so changed my
remember saying that it’s so changed my
remember saying that it’s so changed my life through the kindness of strangers
life through the kindness of strangers
life through the kindness of strangers we imagined ourselves jumping in so
we imagined ourselves jumping in so
we imagined ourselves jumping in so donor-egg it is and again we were not as
donor-egg it is and again we were not as
donor-egg it is and again we were not as alone as we thought we were between 2005
alone as we thought we were between 2005
alone as we thought we were between 2005 and 2014 the number of cycles performed
and 2014 the number of cycles performed
and 2014 the number of cycles performed using donor egg increased almost 27
using donor egg increased almost 27
using donor egg increased almost 27 percent interestingly the CDC reported
percent interestingly the CDC reported
percent interestingly the CDC reported in January of 2016 that for the first
in January of 2016 that for the first
in January of 2016 that for the first time ever the birth rate of women in
time ever the birth rate of women in
time ever the birth rate of women in their 30s was greater than those in
their 30s was greater than those in
their 30s was greater than those in their 20s this is a significant shift
their 20s this is a significant shift
their 20s this is a significant shift that may also lead to more use of
that may also lead to more use of
that may also lead to more use of assisted reproductive technologies we
assisted reproductive technologies we
assisted reproductive technologies we then began the conversation with our
then began the conversation with our
then began the conversation with our fertility clinic back here in
fertility clinic back here in
fertility clinic back here in Springfield to review anonymous
Springfield to review anonymous
Springfield to review anonymous potential donors Stephen and I
potential donors Stephen and I
potential donors Stephen and I considered what traits and medical
considered what traits and medical
considered what traits and medical history were priorities to us and put
history were priorities to us and put
history were priorities to us and put our faith in the nurse was screening and
our faith in the nurse was screening and
our faith in the nurse was screening and would match us with a donor a few weeks
would match us with a donor a few weeks
would match us with a donor a few weeks later I was having my first photography
later I was having my first photography
later I was having my first photography exhibit in the middle of the evening my
exhibit in the middle of the evening my
exhibit in the middle of the evening my cousin Marie approached me and said I
cousin Marie approached me and said I
cousin Marie approached me and said I heard you were looking for some eggs I’m
heard you were looking for some eggs I’m
heard you were looking for some eggs I’m not that tall but my SAT scores are
not that tall but my SAT scores are
not that tall but my SAT scores are really good through my father Murray had
really good through my father Murray had
really good through my father Murray had learned of our struggles and she stepped
learned of our struggles and she stepped
learned of our struggles and she stepped forward
forward
forward it’s a moment so utterly generous at
it’s a moment so utterly generous at
it’s a moment so utterly generous at such a dark time in my life that
such a dark time in my life that
such a dark time in my life that remembering is always overwhelming
despite the potential risks to family
despite the potential risks to family relationships I decided that the idea of
relationships I decided that the idea of
relationships I decided that the idea of having a donor I was related to was
having a donor I was related to was
having a donor I was related to was preferable I would be able to have some
preferable I would be able to have some
preferable I would be able to have some genes in common with our child I could
genes in common with our child I could
genes in common with our child I could contact Murray about family medical
contact Murray about family medical
contact Murray about family medical history and our baby would never have
history and our baby would never have
history and our baby would never have unknown gaps in her genealogy he was a
unknown gaps in her genealogy he was a
unknown gaps in her genealogy he was a lawyer bright thoughtful woman who
lawyer bright thoughtful woman who
lawyer bright thoughtful woman who clearly understood the ramifications of
clearly understood the ramifications of
clearly understood the ramifications of egg donor
egg donor
egg donor I took comfort in that but still it was
I took comfort in that but still it was
I took comfort in that but still it was my husband’s sperm and her egg and that
my husband’s sperm and her egg and that
my husband’s sperm and her egg and that was so difficult to wrap my head around
was so difficult to wrap my head around
was so difficult to wrap my head around sometimes but at this point we had been
sometimes but at this point we had been
sometimes but at this point we had been through so much
through so much
through so much that the idea of being at the forefront
that the idea of being at the forefront
that the idea of being at the forefront of fertility science and family making
of fertility science and family making
of fertility science and family making seemed surmountable compared to our life
seemed surmountable compared to our life
seemed surmountable compared to our life where I could never get pregnant and
where I could never get pregnant and
where I could never get pregnant and give birth on the day of the transfer I
give birth on the day of the transfer I
give birth on the day of the transfer I was again optimistic after fertilization
was again optimistic after fertilization
was again optimistic after fertilization the team chose the best embryo out of
the team chose the best embryo out of
the team chose the best embryo out of the two and placed it in my uterus I
the two and placed it in my uterus I
the two and placed it in my uterus I sobbed when the procedure was complete
sobbed when the procedure was complete
sobbed when the procedure was complete as I had done every single time before
as I had done every single time before
as I had done every single time before now we wait she was worth the wait
during my pregnancy and even right after
during my pregnancy and even right after the birth I worried the tyranny was not
the birth I worried the tyranny was not
the birth I worried the tyranny was not fully mine that anxiety grew when a few
fully mine that anxiety grew when a few
fully mine that anxiety grew when a few people referred to Marie incorrectly as
people referred to Marie incorrectly as
people referred to Marie incorrectly as the real mother however my insecurity
the real mother however my insecurity
the real mother however my insecurity about being so different was replaced
about being so different was replaced
about being so different was replaced with the reality of breastfeeding every
with the reality of breastfeeding every
with the reality of breastfeeding every four hours
four hours
four hours poop explosions and the most
poop explosions and the most
poop explosions and the most overwhelming love like I have never
overwhelming love like I have never
overwhelming love like I have never experienced
Tierney’s now seven and she is a strong
Tierney’s now seven and she is a strong inquisitive thoughtful girl without the
inquisitive thoughtful girl without the
inquisitive thoughtful girl without the slightest exaggeration we are grateful
slightest exaggeration we are grateful
slightest exaggeration we are grateful for her every day of our life about two
for her every day of our life about two
for her every day of our life about two years later we were ready to roll the
years later we were ready to roll the
years later we were ready to roll the dice again with our second embryo and
dice again with our second embryo and
dice again with our second embryo and given the success with tyranny I was
given the success with tyranny I was
given the success with tyranny I was sure we would get pregnant again but I
sure we would get pregnant again but I
sure we would get pregnant again but I was devastated once again remarkably
was devastated once again remarkably
was devastated once again remarkably another one of my cousins from the other
another one of my cousins from the other
another one of my cousins from the other side of my family Kelsey offered to help
side of my family Kelsey offered to help
side of my family Kelsey offered to help this time despite being almost half my
this time despite being almost half my
this time despite being almost half my age she appreciated the pain we didn’t
age she appreciated the pain we didn’t
age she appreciated the pain we didn’t doored
doored
doored we were overwhelmed to be lucky twice
we were overwhelmed to be lucky twice
we were overwhelmed to be lucky twice plus she was good buddies with tyranny
plus she was good buddies with tyranny
plus she was good buddies with tyranny the first transfer with Kelsey’s eggs
the first transfer with Kelsey’s eggs
the first transfer with Kelsey’s eggs did not work and all the previous
did not work and all the previous
did not work and all the previous disappointments reemerged we waited and
disappointments reemerged we waited and
disappointments reemerged we waited and tried the second embryo when I had been
tried the second embryo when I had been
tried the second embryo when I had been pregnant for several months we literally
pregnant for several months we literally
pregnant for several months we literally had a bonfire with the mountains of
had a bonfire with the mountains of
had a bonfire with the mountains of paperwork that we had accumulated from
paperwork that we had accumulated from
paperwork that we had accumulated from over a decade of infertility we weren’t
over a decade of infertility we weren’t
over a decade of infertility we weren’t done
here is Elizabeth and Elizabeth sang
here is Elizabeth and Elizabeth sang cheese
cheese
cheese Elizabeth eating black cake and
Elizabeth eating black cake and
Elizabeth eating black cake and Elizabeth not using her gentle hands
Elizabeth not using her gentle hands
Elizabeth not using her gentle hands with her sister Elizabeth is three and
with her sister Elizabeth is three and
with her sister Elizabeth is three and very funny and I will say strong-willed
very funny and I will say strong-willed
very funny and I will say strong-willed she’s perfect
she’s perfect
she’s perfect she squeals with delight when she hears
she squeals with delight when she hears
she squeals with delight when she hears her sisters up in the morning and some
her sisters up in the morning and some
her sisters up in the morning and some days I think my chest could burst when I
days I think my chest could burst when I
days I think my chest could burst when I see them together when they’re not
see them together when they’re not
see them together when they’re not punching each other we are now the
punching each other we are now the
punching each other we are now the regular parents we worried we would
regular parents we worried we would
regular parents we worried we would never be and this is our beautiful mess
never be and this is our beautiful mess
never be and this is our beautiful mess she only has one shoe on we dragged
she only has one shoe on we dragged
she only has one shoe on we dragged through vomit covered nights we lose our
through vomit covered nights we lose our
through vomit covered nights we lose our patience and we forget to fill out
patience and we forget to fill out
patience and we forget to fill out school forms tyranny has memorized every
school forms tyranny has memorized every
school forms tyranny has memorized every single Lego Star Wars Episode that
single Lego Star Wars Episode that
single Lego Star Wars Episode that exists and Elizabeth wears bathing suits
exists and Elizabeth wears bathing suits
exists and Elizabeth wears bathing suits in our house 12 months out of the year
in our house 12 months out of the year
in our house 12 months out of the year for some reason I don’t know why Larry
for some reason I don’t know why Larry
for some reason I don’t know why Larry was right our kids are weird and it has
was right our kids are weird and it has
was right our kids are weird and it has nothing to do with how they were
nothing to do with how they were
nothing to do with how they were conceived and they know how they were
conceived and they know how they were
conceived and they know how they were conceived
conceived
conceived we have always told them their
we have always told them their
we have always told them their conception stories and in fact they will
conception stories and in fact they will
conception stories and in fact they will be quite surprised to know that two
be quite surprised to know that two
be quite surprised to know that two people can make a baby without the help
people can make a baby without the help
people can make a baby without the help of a team of doctors and a donor I’m not
of a team of doctors and a donor I’m not
of a team of doctors and a donor I’m not the same person I was before all of this
the same person I was before all of this
the same person I was before all of this I wish infertility wasn’t something that
I wish infertility wasn’t something that
I wish infertility wasn’t something that I had only heard about because it was
I had only heard about because it was
I had only heard about because it was happening to me
happening to me
happening to me I wish I hadn’t felt so alone so what do
I wish I hadn’t felt so alone so what do
I wish I hadn’t felt so alone so what do I do with that well I want better for
I do with that well I want better for
I do with that well I want better for couples going forward and I wish there
couples going forward and I wish there
couples going forward and I wish there was more awareness about the prevalence
was more awareness about the prevalence
was more awareness about the prevalence of infertility I know that nothing can
of infertility I know that nothing can
of infertility I know that nothing can take away the pain of an empty crib but
take away the pain of an empty crib but
take away the pain of an empty crib but I also know that generous listening can
I also know that generous listening can
I also know that generous listening can dissolve shame and change lives
dissolve shame and change lives
dissolve shame and change lives I run an infertility Support Group and I
I run an infertility Support Group and I
I run an infertility Support Group and I have seen that firsthand University of
have seen that firsthand University of
have seen that firsthand University of Houston research professor dr. Renee
Houston research professor dr. Renee
Houston research professor dr. Renee Brown my TED talk hero puts it like this
Brown my TED talk hero puts it like this
Brown my TED talk hero puts it like this shame depends on me buying into the
shame depends on me buying into the
shame depends on me buying into the belief that I am alone shame cannot
belief that I am alone shame cannot
belief that I am alone shame cannot survive being spoken and met with
survive being spoken and met with
survive being spoken and met with empathy
I’m not alone there are millions and
I’m not alone there are millions and millions of us and I’m here to say that
millions of us and I’m here to say that
millions of us and I’m here to say that I’m done with fertility shame I’m here
I’m done with fertility shame I’m here
I’m done with fertility shame I’m here to speak that unspoken I had
to speak that unspoken I had
to speak that unspoken I had miscarriages I was infertile and it
miscarriages I was infertile and it
miscarriages I was infertile and it nearly crushed me
nearly crushed me
nearly crushed me the way out was a path I never
the way out was a path I never
the way out was a path I never envisioned and I never even knew existed
envisioned and I never even knew existed
envisioned and I never even knew existed but luckily for us the empathy of two
but luckily for us the empathy of two
but luckily for us the empathy of two amazing women one kind and funny couple
amazing women one kind and funny couple
amazing women one kind and funny couple and a team of medical experts helped us
and a team of medical experts helped us
and a team of medical experts helped us plant our family tree but also helped
plant our family tree but also helped
plant our family tree but also helped heal our pain but this really isn’t
heal our pain but this really isn’t
heal our pain but this really isn’t about me I ask you today to think about
about me I ask you today to think about
about me I ask you today to think about your own family your friends your
your own family your friends your
your own family your friends your colleagues remember one-in-eight think
colleagues remember one-in-eight think
colleagues remember one-in-eight think about the childless couple whose wedding
about the childless couple whose wedding
about the childless couple whose wedding you attended seven years ago but doesn’t
you attended seven years ago but doesn’t
you attended seven years ago but doesn’t have kids the woman in your office who
have kids the woman in your office who
have kids the woman in your office who has a lot of doctor’s appointments
has a lot of doctor’s appointments
has a lot of doctor’s appointments your brother-in-law who’s really good
your brother-in-law who’s really good
your brother-in-law who’s really good with kids but never mentions having any
with kids but never mentions having any
with kids but never mentions having any some of those couples want to keep their
some of those couples want to keep their
some of those couples want to keep their stories to themselves but others will
stories to themselves but others will
stories to themselves but others will appreciate your thoughtful support feel
appreciate your thoughtful support feel
appreciate your thoughtful support feel free to borrow my story forward this
free to borrow my story forward this
free to borrow my story forward this talk just make sure you follow up in
talk just make sure you follow up in
talk just make sure you follow up in person and say I just watch this what do
person and say I just watch this what do
person and say I just watch this what do you think then just listen don’t give
you think then just listen don’t give
you think then just listen don’t give advice don’t offer solutions please
advice don’t offer solutions please
advice don’t offer solutions please don’t say you should just relax maybe
don’t say you should just relax maybe
don’t say you should just relax maybe try I’m so sorry and I appreciate your
try I’m so sorry and I appreciate your
try I’m so sorry and I appreciate your sharing this with me it will be hard to
sharing this with me it will be hard to
sharing this with me it will be hard to listen to those stories it will be
listen to those stories it will be
listen to those stories it will be really hard to stay quiet
really hard to stay quiet
really hard to stay quiet but do it anyway just sit with them in
but do it anyway just sit with them in
but do it anyway just sit with them in their pain
”
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