I come from a perfect family and by perfect I mean we all have a therapist
perfect I mean we all have a therapist
perfect I mean we all have a therapist I’ve inherited anxiety so and by perfect
I’ve inherited anxiety so and by perfect
I’ve inherited anxiety so and by perfect I mean sometimes we smile when we are
I mean sometimes we smile when we are
I mean sometimes we smile when we are not okay and by perfect I mean sometimes
not okay and by perfect I mean sometimes
not okay and by perfect I mean sometimes we struggle alone have you ever been
we struggle alone have you ever been
we struggle alone have you ever been surrounded by people yet still felt
surrounded by people yet still felt
surrounded by people yet still felt alone because the pressure to be someone
alone because the pressure to be someone
alone because the pressure to be someone is overwhelming us to isolation and
is overwhelming us to isolation and
is overwhelming us to isolation and isolation is overwhelming a stint
isolation is overwhelming a stint
isolation is overwhelming a stint anxiety – depression addictions and
anxiety – depression addictions and
anxiety – depression addictions and self-harm what if we could make it safe
self-harm what if we could make it safe
self-harm what if we could make it safe I believe there’s a fresh definition of
I believe there’s a fresh definition of
I believe there’s a fresh definition of laughter that can connect us and it’s
laughter that can connect us and it’s
laughter that can connect us and it’s something called shared laughter it
something called shared laughter it
something called shared laughter it makes it safe to be human shared
makes it safe to be human shared
makes it safe to be human shared laughter is about sharing your flaws
laughter is about sharing your flaws
laughter is about sharing your flaws your fears your failure and your effort
your fears your failure and your effort
your fears your failure and your effort it’s about that release that we
it’s about that release that we
it’s about that release that we experience when we realize that we are
experience when we realize that we are
experience when we realize that we are not alone if I can do it you can do it
not alone if I can do it you can do it
not alone if I can do it you can do it and if you can do it I can do it and we
and if you can do it I can do it and we
and if you can do it I can do it and we have seen so many experience of this
have seen so many experience of this
have seen so many experience of this honest stage today and really it’s just
honest stage today and really it’s just
honest stage today and really it’s just about talking more about that time you
about talking more about that time you
about talking more about that time you didn’t get the job that you wanted it’s
didn’t get the job that you wanted it’s
didn’t get the job that you wanted it’s about that time that you know you put in
about that time that you know you put in
about that time that you know you put in so much effort and things didn’t go
so much effort and things didn’t go
so much effort and things didn’t go right or you fell down the stairs or
right or you fell down the stairs or
right or you fell down the stairs or that time when you’re on your diet and
that time when you’re on your diet and
that time when you’re on your diet and you celebrated cuz you ate a low-fat
you celebrated cuz you ate a low-fat
you celebrated cuz you ate a low-fat salad and then an entire pan of brownies
salad and then an entire pan of brownies
salad and then an entire pan of brownies with ice cream on the top of it yeah I
with ice cream on the top of it yeah I
with ice cream on the top of it yeah I call that a snack sidin by the way
call that a snack sidin by the way
call that a snack sidin by the way I love laughter so much because it’s a
I love laughter so much because it’s a
I love laughter so much because it’s a way that we can honor people do you
way that we can honor people do you
way that we can honor people do you realize laughter heals and strengthens
realize laughter heals and strengthens
realize laughter heals and strengthens us when sometimes nothing else can we
us when sometimes nothing else can we
us when sometimes nothing else can we can do this now I’m not telling you to
can do this now I’m not telling you to
can do this now I’m not telling you to go tell jokes to your friends if they’re
go tell jokes to your friends if they’re
go tell jokes to your friends if they’re checked out
checked out
checked out what I am telling you to do is to help
what I am telling you to do is to help
what I am telling you to do is to help them look up let’s help each other look
them look up let’s help each other look
them look up let’s help each other look up and this is vitally important because
up and this is vitally important because
up and this is vitally important because I think every family has something we
I think every family has something we
I think every family has something we all have things that we don’t like to
all have things that we don’t like to
all have things that we don’t like to talk about we hide things we hide things
talk about we hide things we hide things
talk about we hide things we hide things like addiction mental illness or the
like addiction mental illness or the
like addiction mental illness or the banana peel in our couch cushions it’s
banana peel in our couch cushions it’s
banana peel in our couch cushions it’s this mindset that I don’t want people to
this mindset that I don’t want people to
this mindset that I don’t want people to see my dishes because I don’t want
see my dishes because I don’t want
see my dishes because I don’t want people to think I eat
I’ve spent five hours cleaning before
I’ve spent five hours cleaning before and still use the word sorry for the
and still use the word sorry for the
and still use the word sorry for the mess she realized that flawless and
mess she realized that flawless and
mess she realized that flawless and staged feel so much safer than raw and
staged feel so much safer than raw and
staged feel so much safer than raw and real there is no shared laughter
real there is no shared laughter
real there is no shared laughter imperfection now I recently walked into
imperfection now I recently walked into
imperfection now I recently walked into my 13 year old son’s room and I could
my 13 year old son’s room and I could
my 13 year old son’s room and I could just smell the guinea pig cage the thing
just smell the guinea pig cage the thing
just smell the guinea pig cage the thing is we don’t have a guinea pig and we
is we don’t have a guinea pig and we
is we don’t have a guinea pig and we don’t like to talk about things like
don’t like to talk about things like
don’t like to talk about things like this what would happen if we came
this what would happen if we came
this what would happen if we came together and we talked more about these
together and we talked more about these
together and we talked more about these things because we all have flaws we
things because we all have flaws we
things because we all have flaws we should stop making each other feel bad
should stop making each other feel bad
should stop making each other feel bad for having flaws now the first time I
for having flaws now the first time I
for having flaws now the first time I decided I was gonna see her share
decided I was gonna see her share
decided I was gonna see her share something real at a women’s event I had
something real at a women’s event I had
something real at a women’s event I had a respected woman come up to me after
a respected woman come up to me after
a respected woman come up to me after because instead of sharing accolades I
because instead of sharing accolades I
because instead of sharing accolades I decided that I was going to tell them
decided that I was going to tell them
decided that I was going to tell them that I once went four months without
that I once went four months without
that I once went four months without mopping my kitchen floor thank you well
mopping my kitchen floor thank you well
mopping my kitchen floor thank you well the thing is I had a respected woman
the thing is I had a respected woman
the thing is I had a respected woman come up to me after and she caressed my
come up to me after and she caressed my
come up to me after and she caressed my shoulder and she said Oh sweetie you
shoulder and she said Oh sweetie you
shoulder and she said Oh sweetie you don’t need to say that out loud
well if that’s the case there’s so many
well if that’s the case there’s so many other things I probably shouldn’t say
other things I probably shouldn’t say
other things I probably shouldn’t say out loud like I accidentally walked into
out loud like I accidentally walked into
out loud like I accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom I stay up until 2:00
the wrong bathroom I stay up until 2:00
the wrong bathroom I stay up until 2:00 a.m. analyzing my conversations I
believe at any given moment someone can
believe at any given moment someone can fall out of a window drown in the
fall out of a window drown in the
fall out of a window drown in the bathtub or run with scissors
bathtub or run with scissors
bathtub or run with scissors I’m always planning where the emergency
I’m always planning where the emergency
I’m always planning where the emergency helicopter can land and it’s definitely
helicopter can land and it’s definitely
helicopter can land and it’s definitely not in that parking lot
she realized shared laughter is a way to
she realized shared laughter is a way to honor people all our culture likes to
honor people all our culture likes to
honor people all our culture likes to reward perfection and end results and
reward perfection and end results and
reward perfection and end results and the trophy but we’re not talking about
the trophy but we’re not talking about
the trophy but we’re not talking about the effort and everything that took to
the effort and everything that took to
the effort and everything that took to get to that trophy I have a friend I
get to that trophy I have a friend I
get to that trophy I have a friend I have she was recently at a high-end
have she was recently at a high-end
have she was recently at a high-end party and she dished she dished herself
party and she dished she dished herself
party and she dished she dished herself out this beautiful piece of cheesecake
out this beautiful piece of cheesecake
out this beautiful piece of cheesecake and when she went to take a bite she
and when she went to take a bite she
and when she went to take a bite she discovered it was brie you guys the
discovered it was brie you guys the
discovered it was brie you guys the bitter cheese she ate the whole thing so
bitter cheese she ate the whole thing so
bitter cheese she ate the whole thing so that’s what everyone thought that she
that’s what everyone thought that she
that’s what everyone thought that she meant to do she didn’t even wash it down
meant to do she didn’t even wash it down
meant to do she didn’t even wash it down with a cracker I feel so connected every
with a cracker I feel so connected every
with a cracker I feel so connected every time I think of that
time I think of that
time I think of that I don’t want you to experience shared
I don’t want you to experience shared
I don’t want you to experience shared laughter for yourself is something I
laughter for yourself is something I
laughter for yourself is something I like to do called an audience list
like to do called an audience list
like to do called an audience list meaning the shared laughter comes from
meaning the shared laughter comes from
meaning the shared laughter comes from you some of you might have seen me
you some of you might have seen me
you some of you might have seen me asking around some of the craziest
asking around some of the craziest
asking around some of the craziest things you’ve done with you when you’re
things you’ve done with you when you’re
things you’ve done with you when you’re tired I’ve been asking you today and
tired I’ve been asking you today and
tired I’ve been asking you today and Ivan gathering your responses I was like
Ivan gathering your responses I was like
Ivan gathering your responses I was like you are tired you’re pretty you’re
you are tired you’re pretty you’re
you are tired you’re pretty you’re pretty tired
pretty tired
pretty tired I even had Nate come running down the
I even had Nate come running down the
I even had Nate come running down the hall to catch me character I thought
hall to catch me character I thought
hall to catch me character I thought something
something
something get this hismus he forgot his name he
get this hismus he forgot his name he
get this hismus he forgot his name he was working a graveyard shift just got a
was working a graveyard shift just got a
was working a graveyard shift just got a new team was about to send an email he’s
new team was about to send an email he’s
new team was about to send an email he’s like I wonder if my name is different
like I wonder if my name is different
like I wonder if my name is different don’t you love it you guys you might be
don’t you love it you guys you might be
don’t you love it you guys you might be tired
tired
tired if you’ve ever said congratulations at a
if you’ve ever said congratulations at a
if you’ve ever said congratulations at a Funeral comes can you just look to be
Funeral comes can you just look to be
Funeral comes can you just look to be there you’ll be like congratulations I’m
there you’ll be like congratulations I’m
there you’ll be like congratulations I’m sorry for your loss you know you’re
sorry for your loss you know you’re
sorry for your loss you know you’re tired of have you ever taken the wrong
tired of have you ever taken the wrong
tired of have you ever taken the wrong freeway exit you know you’re tired of
freeway exit you know you’re tired of
freeway exit you know you’re tired of you put the milk and the pantry and the
you put the milk and the pantry and the
you put the milk and the pantry and the cereal in the fridge or you’ve been
cereal in the fridge or you’ve been
cereal in the fridge or you’ve been driving you don’t know where you’re
driving you don’t know where you’re
driving you don’t know where you’re driving or your mix up your words that
driving or your mix up your words that
driving or your mix up your words that all came from you now might suit two of
all came from you now might suit two of
all came from you now might suit two of my favorite answers I love this fun you
my favorite answers I love this fun you
my favorite answers I love this fun you know you’re tired when you put your PIN
know you’re tired when you put your PIN
know you’re tired when you put your PIN number in the microwave
it’s just a burrito you know you’re
it’s just a burrito you know you’re tired when you wake up in the middle of
tired when you wake up in the middle of
tired when you wake up in the middle of the night to change the baby’s diaper
the night to change the baby’s diaper
the night to change the baby’s diaper early in the morning you discover the
early in the morning you discover the
early in the morning you discover the baby’s wearing two diapers bottom one
baby’s wearing two diapers bottom one
baby’s wearing two diapers bottom one still poopy this is shared laughter and
still poopy this is shared laughter and
still poopy this is shared laughter and it matters and it matters so much and
it matters and it matters so much and
it matters and it matters so much and this is why it took me eight years of a
this is why it took me eight years of a
this is why it took me eight years of a research project to understand something
research project to understand something
research project to understand something eight years to understand why this
eight years to understand why this
eight years to understand why this matters so much because in the spring of
matters so much because in the spring of
matters so much because in the spring of 2008 I was involved in something called
2008 I was involved in something called
2008 I was involved in something called the under-pressure project I wanted to
the under-pressure project I wanted to
the under-pressure project I wanted to know the biggest struggles that students
know the biggest struggles that students
know the biggest struggles that students were facing I wanted to know what those
were facing I wanted to know what those
were facing I wanted to know what those were and more specifically what got them
were and more specifically what got them
were and more specifically what got them through like what were their solutions
through like what were their solutions
through like what were their solutions and so I got a pile of about 500 surveys
and so I got a pile of about 500 surveys
and so I got a pile of about 500 surveys and it had the heart and soul of these
and it had the heart and soul of these
and it had the heart and soul of these students they’re open-ended responses
students they’re open-ended responses
students they’re open-ended responses and so I started looking for patterns I
and so I started looking for patterns I
and so I started looking for patterns I just opened it up and I saw once they
just opened it up and I saw once they
just opened it up and I saw once they said my biggest pressure it’s it’s peer
said my biggest pressure it’s it’s peer
said my biggest pressure it’s it’s peer pressure so he put a tally mark in peer
pressure so he put a tally mark in peer
pressure so he put a tally mark in peer pressure my biggest struggle drug abuse
pressure my biggest struggle drug abuse
pressure my biggest struggle drug abuse so I put that in that tally mark might
so I put that in that tally mark might
so I put that in that tally mark might be self esteem so he put up a tally mark
be self esteem so he put up a tally mark
be self esteem so he put up a tally mark and it took a couple of months but I had
and it took a couple of months but I had
and it took a couple of months but I had a scientific answer the biggest struggle
a scientific answer the biggest struggle
a scientific answer the biggest struggle overwhelmingly that students said they
overwhelmingly that students said they
overwhelmingly that students said they faced was achievement we have this
faced was achievement we have this
faced was achievement we have this culture that we have got to be someone
culture that we have got to be someone
culture that we have got to be someone we are hard on ourselves we are hard on
we are hard on ourselves we are hard on
we are hard on ourselves we are hard on our students to try to get there and be
our students to try to get there and be
our students to try to get there and be the best that you can be because that
the best that you can be because that
the best that you can be because that was responded to over and over and their
was responded to over and over and their
was responded to over and over and their most overwhelming response on their
most overwhelming response on their
most overwhelming response on their solution was to develop a support
solution was to develop a support
solution was to develop a support network and I love that I read the
network and I love that I read the
network and I love that I read the responses like if my mom sees me I know
responses like if my mom sees me I know
responses like if my mom sees me I know I can do anything a support network now
I can do anything a support network now
I can do anything a support network now I set the survey’s aside and in my daily
I set the survey’s aside and in my daily
I set the survey’s aside and in my daily life or my routines I couldn’t stop
life or my routines I couldn’t stop
life or my routines I couldn’t stop looking for patterns so I saw the
looking for patterns so I saw the
looking for patterns so I saw the neighborhood gossip and I saw something
neighborhood gossip and I saw something
neighborhood gossip and I saw something going on there
going on there
going on there and they put a battalion mark and I saw
and they put a battalion mark and I saw
and they put a battalion mark and I saw you know those professional networking
you know those professional networking
you know those professional networking meetings you know where everyone’s
meetings you know where everyone’s
meetings you know where everyone’s fronting trying to show their best I saw
fronting trying to show their best I saw
fronting trying to show their best I saw something and I put up a tally mark and
something and I put up a tally mark and
something and I put up a tally mark and I saw something with the young mother
I saw something with the young mother
I saw something with the young mother who’s surrounded by her kids all day but
who’s surrounded by her kids all day but
who’s surrounded by her kids all day but she definitely feels alone and I saw
she definitely feels alone and I saw
she definitely feels alone and I saw something and I put a batali mark and I
something and I put a batali mark and I
something and I put a batali mark and I had to go back to the under-pressure
had to go back to the under-pressure
had to go back to the under-pressure project and look at all of those
project and look at all of those
project and look at all of those responses because overwhelmingly again
responses because overwhelmingly again
responses because overwhelmingly again the most dangerous and universal
the most dangerous and universal
the most dangerous and universal experience that we can all face is
experience that we can all face is
experience that we can all face is mental isolation isolation this means
mental isolation isolation this means
mental isolation isolation this means that we are alone in our minds with
that we are alone in our minds with
that we are alone in our minds with thoughts that were diminished flawed and
thoughts that were diminished flawed and
thoughts that were diminished flawed and excluded this is universal and it’s very
excluded this is universal and it’s very
excluded this is universal and it’s very dangerous now to those students who are
dangerous now to those students who are
dangerous now to those students who are feeling isolated or anyone here in this
feeling isolated or anyone here in this
feeling isolated or anyone here in this room if you were feeling isolated you
room if you were feeling isolated you
room if you were feeling isolated you find someone to connect with find
find someone to connect with find
find someone to connect with find someone who can get real with you over
someone who can get real with you over
someone who can get real with you over our flaws our fears our failures and our
our flaws our fears our failures and our
our flaws our fears our failures and our effort to that young mom I want to tell
effort to that young mom I want to tell
effort to that young mom I want to tell you that you can do this I believe that
you that you can do this I believe that
you that you can do this I believe that being a mom is like running a marathon
being a mom is like running a marathon
being a mom is like running a marathon in flip-flops
on a treadmill you’re gonna put in a lot
on a treadmill you’re gonna put in a lot of effort but you’re never going across
of effort but you’re never going across
of effort but you’re never going across the finish line
to all of us our job for for everyone is
to all of us our job for for everyone is to get real get more real with each
to get real get more real with each
to get real get more real with each other now I do have something to say
other now I do have something to say
other now I do have something to say also to those professionals in that
also to those professionals in that
also to those professionals in that networking being where everyone’s
networking being where everyone’s
networking being where everyone’s fronting I wanted sometimes I want to
fronting I wanted sometimes I want to
fronting I wanted sometimes I want to bring my voice down and sometimes I want
bring my voice down and sometimes I want
bring my voice down and sometimes I want to wear jeans and I want to tell you
to wear jeans and I want to tell you
to wear jeans and I want to tell you what my mailman said the very first day
what my mailman said the very first day
what my mailman said the very first day I opened a business because get this he
I opened a business because get this he
I opened a business because get this he handed me my mail and he said good luck
and it wasn’t seven months later but we
and it wasn’t seven months later but we had to close the doors of the business
had to close the doors of the business
had to close the doors of the business because of lack of funding I have never
because of lack of funding I have never
because of lack of funding I have never felt safe enough to share that in the
felt safe enough to share that in the
felt safe enough to share that in the professional networking meetings I feel
professional networking meetings I feel
professional networking meetings I feel like sometimes we’re too busy trying to
like sometimes we’re too busy trying to
like sometimes we’re too busy trying to impress each other that we fail to get
impress each other that we fail to get
impress each other that we fail to get real with each other you don’t need to
real with each other you don’t need to
real with each other you don’t need to try and tell me you matter because you
try and tell me you matter because you
try and tell me you matter because you already do you already have my
already do you already have my
already do you already have my admiration
admiration
admiration let’s stop fronting let’s start
let’s stop fronting let’s start
let’s stop fronting let’s start connecting now this doesn’t mean that
connecting now this doesn’t mean that
connecting now this doesn’t mean that anytime someone says how are you you
anytime someone says how are you you
anytime someone says how are you you should emotionally overload on people
should emotionally overload on people
should emotionally overload on people okay and our culture sometimes we like
okay and our culture sometimes we like
okay and our culture sometimes we like to just say how are you is a greeting
to just say how are you is a greeting
to just say how are you is a greeting like how are you how are you good
like how are you how are you good
like how are you how are you good sometimes we don’t even respond like how
sometimes we don’t even respond like how
sometimes we don’t even respond like how are you how are you and we probably
are you how are you and we probably
are you how are you and we probably shouldn’t say like well my foot fungus
shouldn’t say like well my foot fungus
shouldn’t say like well my foot fungus is acting up and having a bad hair day
is acting up and having a bad hair day
is acting up and having a bad hair day and my dog died that’s not shared
and my dog died that’s not shared
and my dog died that’s not shared laughter that’s poor boundaries that
laughter that’s poor boundaries that
laughter that’s poor boundaries that makes people wish for isolation
we should share our most tender moments
we should share our most tender moments with people who can honor us and
with people who can honor us and
with people who can honor us and sometimes that means we just show
sometimes that means we just show
sometimes that means we just show glimpses glimpses of our flaws our fears
glimpses glimpses of our flaws our fears
glimpses glimpses of our flaws our fears our failure and our effort instead of
our failure and our effort instead of
our failure and our effort instead of showing the world that you have a
showing the world that you have a
showing the world that you have a perfect family let’s show the world you
perfect family let’s show the world you
perfect family let’s show the world you have a real family because perfect
have a real family because perfect
have a real family because perfect isolates human connects let’s make it
isolates human connects let’s make it
isolates human connects let’s make it safe to be human
”
Be First to Comment