I work with Intermountain children’s home I have been a counselor there since
home I have been a counselor there since
home I have been a counselor there since 2000 I went there with my bachelor’s in
2000 I went there with my bachelor’s in
2000 I went there with my bachelor’s in Bible and leadership in ministry and
Bible and leadership in ministry and
Bible and leadership in ministry and then I got my masters and became a
then I got my masters and became a
then I got my masters and became a therapist there in 2013 and I love the
therapist there in 2013 and I love the
therapist there in 2013 and I love the work I do I love working with these kids
work I do I love working with these kids
work I do I love working with these kids the kids that Intermountain works with
the kids that Intermountain works with
the kids that Intermountain works with are smart they’re great kids they just
are smart they’re great kids they just
are smart they’re great kids they just had a really rough beginning and they
had a really rough beginning and they
had a really rough beginning and they don’t often know what to do with the
don’t often know what to do with the
don’t often know what to do with the energy with the emotional trauma and the
energy with the emotional trauma and the
energy with the emotional trauma and the stress of trying to figure out their
stress of trying to figure out their
stress of trying to figure out their lives we work with ages 4 through 14 and
lives we work with ages 4 through 14 and
lives we work with ages 4 through 14 and so it’s a challenge sometimes I would
so it’s a challenge sometimes I would
so it’s a challenge sometimes I would say average it’s about eight or nine
say average it’s about eight or nine
say average it’s about eight or nine years old and the kids that come to
years old and the kids that come to
years old and the kids that come to Intermountain have already been through
Intermountain have already been through
Intermountain have already been through so much trauma we get kids with PTSD we
so much trauma we get kids with PTSD we
so much trauma we get kids with PTSD we get kids with reactive attachment
get kids with reactive attachment
get kids with reactive attachment disorder we get kids who have severe
disorder we get kids who have severe
disorder we get kids who have severe emotional disturbance they don’t know
emotional disturbance they don’t know
emotional disturbance they don’t know what to do with the heart that they have
what to do with the heart that they have
what to do with the heart that they have been given or grown some of the stories
been given or grown some of the stories
been given or grown some of the stories that that we have you know our tear
that that we have you know our tear
that that we have you know our tear wrenching one little boy came to us his
wrenching one little boy came to us his
wrenching one little boy came to us his parents kept him in a rabbit hutch
parents kept him in a rabbit hutch
parents kept him in a rabbit hutch because it was easier to clean up after
because it was easier to clean up after
because it was easier to clean up after him he came to us very very broken and
him he came to us very very broken and
him he came to us very very broken and the kids there keep you at bay with all
the kids there keep you at bay with all
the kids there keep you at bay with all kinds of defenses against feelings of
kinds of defenses against feelings of
kinds of defenses against feelings of shame against feelings of rage they just
shame against feelings of rage they just
shame against feelings of rage they just are trying to figure out how to live
are trying to figure out how to live
are trying to figure out how to live life kids that come to Intermountain
life kids that come to Intermountain
life kids that come to Intermountain have experienced severe abuse physical
have experienced severe abuse physical
have experienced severe abuse physical abuse sexual abuse emotional abuse
abuse sexual abuse emotional abuse
abuse sexual abuse emotional abuse relational abuse and it is heartbreaking
relational abuse and it is heartbreaking
relational abuse and it is heartbreaking but again at the same time when they are
but again at the same time when they are
but again at the same time when they are able to come into treatment and they
able to come into treatment and they
able to come into treatment and they begin to trust
begin to trust
begin to trust and they begin to allow us to touch
and they begin to allow us to touch
and they begin to allow us to touch those places that they’re so guarded
those places that they’re so guarded
those places that they’re so guarded against seeing the flower of their soul
against seeing the flower of their soul
against seeing the flower of their soul open up is an amazing thing and I’ve got
open up is an amazing thing and I’ve got
open up is an amazing thing and I’ve got to tell you that I’m here today because
to tell you that I’m here today because
to tell you that I’m here today because I’m not talking about my work at
I’m not talking about my work at
I’m not talking about my work at Intermountain I’m not talking about the
Intermountain I’m not talking about the
Intermountain I’m not talking about the kids of Intermountain I’m gonna be
kids of Intermountain I’m gonna be
kids of Intermountain I’m gonna be talking about me and my brothers my
talking about me and my brothers my
talking about me and my brothers my brothers Kenny David and Larry and I
brothers Kenny David and Larry and I
brothers Kenny David and Larry and I were those kids we had a pretty
were those kids we had a pretty
were those kids we had a pretty traumatic childhood we were always
traumatic childhood we were always
traumatic childhood we were always moving always the new kids in school in
moving always the new kids in school in
moving always the new kids in school in terrible places where we were physically
terrible places where we were physically
terrible places where we were physically abused sexually abused emotionally
abused sexually abused emotionally
abused sexually abused emotionally abused it was very very very hard we
abused it was very very very hard we
abused it was very very very hard we actually landed in the inner mountain in
actually landed in the inner mountain in
actually landed in the inner mountain in 1965 and we were there for a year it
1965 and we were there for a year it
1965 and we were there for a year it wasn’t more of an orphanage then at that
wasn’t more of an orphanage then at that
wasn’t more of an orphanage then at that time but – god I wish that it would have
time but – god I wish that it would have
time but – god I wish that it would have been a treatment center because perhaps
been a treatment center because perhaps
been a treatment center because perhaps they may have had a better outcome Larry
they may have had a better outcome Larry
they may have had a better outcome Larry my youngest brother he became very
my youngest brother he became very
my youngest brother he became very bitter very angry and swore that he
bitter very angry and swore that he
bitter very angry and swore that he would never end up like my dad my dad
would never end up like my dad my dad
would never end up like my dad my dad was a very angry alcoholic and he was
was a very angry alcoholic and he was
was a very angry alcoholic and he was brutal to us emotionally and physically
brutal to us emotionally and physically
brutal to us emotionally and physically and he allowed some things even that I
and he allowed some things even that I
and he allowed some things even that I don’t want to go into but it was very
don’t want to go into but it was very
don’t want to go into but it was very shaming to us as children so Larry
shaming to us as children so Larry
shaming to us as children so Larry became angry and bitter swore he’d never
became angry and bitter swore he’d never
became angry and bitter swore he’d never be like dad became exactly like that a
be like dad became exactly like that a
be like dad became exactly like that a raging alcoholic he actually traded his
raging alcoholic he actually traded his
raging alcoholic he actually traded his wife and young child for alcohol I was
wife and young child for alcohol I was
wife and young child for alcohol I was there when he did that Ellen said you
there when he did that Ellen said you
there when he did that Ellen said you have to make a choice it’s gonna be me
have to make a choice it’s gonna be me
have to make a choice it’s gonna be me and your child or alcohol and Larry said
and your child or alcohol and Larry said
and your child or alcohol and Larry said alcohol I couldn’t believe it
alcohol I couldn’t believe it
alcohol I couldn’t believe it Kenny my oldest brother and David
Kenny my oldest brother and David
Kenny my oldest brother and David they’re twins Kenny was born first he
they’re twins Kenny was born first he
they’re twins Kenny was born first he escaped from his life and emotional
escaped from his life and emotional
escaped from his life and emotional trauma with fantasy and unreality he
trauma with fantasy and unreality he
trauma with fantasy and unreality he ended up being very addicted to
ended up being very addicted to
ended up being very addicted to painkillers and he sees things that
painkillers and he sees things that
painkillers and he sees things that aren’t there hears things that aren’t
aren’t there hears things that aren’t
aren’t there hears things that aren’t there David went into radicalism he was
there David went into radicalism he was
there David went into radicalism he was a radical Christian radical Jew or
a radical Christian radical Jew or
a radical Christian radical Jew or radical Aryan he was a very angry and
radical Aryan he was a very angry and
radical Aryan he was a very angry and radical person and you could not be
radical person and you could not be
radical person and you could not be around him without
around him without
around him without being agitated all the time you never
being agitated all the time you never
being agitated all the time you never knew when he would explode I love my
knew when he would explode I love my
knew when he would explode I love my brothers but we weren’t always together
brothers but we weren’t always together
brothers but we weren’t always together my mom and dad each divorced four and
my mom and dad each divorced four and
my mom and dad each divorced four and five different times they were always
five different times they were always
five different times they were always moving so my life was flux we were
moving so my life was flux we were
moving so my life was flux we were abandoned in San Diego we were abandoned
abandoned in San Diego we were abandoned
abandoned in San Diego we were abandoned and Bynum you know we just mainly tried
and Bynum you know we just mainly tried
and Bynum you know we just mainly tried to take care of ourselves I’m the only
to take care of ourselves I’m the only
to take care of ourselves I’m the only one who graduated from high school I’m
one who graduated from high school I’m
one who graduated from high school I’m the only one now as a family intact I’ve
the only one now as a family intact I’ve
the only one now as a family intact I’ve been married for 27 years I’ve got four
been married for 27 years I’ve got four
been married for 27 years I’ve got four kids and three grandkids I’m the only
kids and three grandkids I’m the only
kids and three grandkids I’m the only one who went to college I’m the only one
one who went to college I’m the only one
one who went to college I’m the only one who’s had gainful employment Kenny and
who’s had gainful employment Kenny and
who’s had gainful employment Kenny and David homeless their whole life living
David homeless their whole life living
David homeless their whole life living in the brush living in a car their whole
in the brush living in a car their whole
in the brush living in a car their whole life homeless David died of pancreatic
life homeless David died of pancreatic
life homeless David died of pancreatic cancer about five years ago five six
cancer about five years ago five six
cancer about five years ago five six years ago because of the life that he
years ago because of the life that he
years ago because of the life that he led we went down to Yuma to find him in
led we went down to Yuma to find him in
led we went down to Yuma to find him in the brush and bring him home so he could
the brush and bring him home so he could
the brush and bring him home so he could die at peace it was amazing though he
die at peace it was amazing though he
die at peace it was amazing though he was a very peaceful man at the end
was a very peaceful man at the end
was a very peaceful man at the end that’s who he really was if he had only
that’s who he really was if he had only
that’s who he really was if he had only had a better chance
Kenny is still homeless I don’t know
Kenny is still homeless I don’t know where he’s at I was afraid I would never
where he’s at I was afraid I would never
where he’s at I was afraid I would never be able to let him know that our
be able to let him know that our
be able to let him know that our youngest brother Larry was shot and
youngest brother Larry was shot and
youngest brother Larry was shot and killed by his wife
killed by his wife
killed by his wife these were outcomes that came from the
these were outcomes that came from the
these were outcomes that came from the life we had and people asked me why were
life we had and people asked me why were
life we had and people asked me why were you different how come you turned out
you different how come you turned out
you different how come you turned out was such a more successful life what
was such a more successful life what
was such a more successful life what made you who you are and I asked myself
made you who you are and I asked myself
made you who you are and I asked myself that question too all the time and when
that question too all the time and when
that question too all the time and when Adam and asked me to talk and I just
Adam and asked me to talk and I just
Adam and asked me to talk and I just figured I’ll try to figure it out so
figured I’ll try to figure it out so
figured I’ll try to figure it out so maybe have some answers for me and maybe
maybe have some answers for me and maybe
maybe have some answers for me and maybe this will help you maybe be a help to
this will help you maybe be a help to
this will help you maybe be a help to kids the first thing that I thought
kids the first thing that I thought
kids the first thing that I thought about was I had a hero my hero was God
about was I had a hero my hero was God
about was I had a hero my hero was God my granny took me to Sunday school and I
my granny took me to Sunday school and I
my granny took me to Sunday school and I met God the Father who loves you accepts
met God the Father who loves you accepts
met God the Father who loves you accepts you is welcoming to you and so I at that
you is welcoming to you and so I at that
you is welcoming to you and so I at that young age I was only like five I traded
young age I was only like five I traded
young age I was only like five I traded my dad
my dad
my dad Oh God and what that provided for me was
Oh God and what that provided for me was
Oh God and what that provided for me was a moral compass so that I could be aimed
a moral compass so that I could be aimed
a moral compass so that I could be aimed in the right direction and that was
in the right direction and that was
in the right direction and that was reinforced by my granny that was
reinforced by my granny that was
reinforced by my granny that was reinforced by my aunt Lu we were always
reinforced by my aunt Lu we were always
reinforced by my aunt Lu we were always moving but aunt Lu promised me she’d
moving but aunt Lu promised me she’d
moving but aunt Lu promised me she’d stay in one place and I could always
stay in one place and I could always
stay in one place and I could always call her when we were in trouble two
call her when we were in trouble two
call her when we were in trouble two three five four three nine two that’s
three five four three nine two that’s
three five four three nine two that’s her phone number she just died at 95
her phone number she just died at 95
her phone number she just died at 95 last year and my mom whenever we were in
last year and my mom whenever we were in
last year and my mom whenever we were in trouble abandoned here there whatever I
trouble abandoned here there whatever I
trouble abandoned here there whatever I could always call her and she would come
could always call her and she would come
could always call her and she would come and get us
and get us
and get us so the first thing I had was a hero kids
so the first thing I had was a hero kids
so the first thing I had was a hero kids need a hero they need someone who’s
need a hero they need someone who’s
need a hero they need someone who’s going to accept them someone who’s going
going to accept them someone who’s going
going to accept them someone who’s going to forgive them someone who’s gonna help
to forgive them someone who’s gonna help
to forgive them someone who’s gonna help them figure out that it may not be okay
them figure out that it may not be okay
them figure out that it may not be okay right now but I’m gonna be here with you
right now but I’m gonna be here with you
right now but I’m gonna be here with you and you are gonna be okay so they need a
and you are gonna be okay so they need a
and you are gonna be okay so they need a hero the next thing I had I had refuge
hero the next thing I had I had refuge
hero the next thing I had I had refuge for me school was a refuge I loved going
for me school was a refuge I loved going
for me school was a refuge I loved going to school I loved being in class because
to school I loved being in class because
to school I loved being in class because when I was in class when I was in school
when I was in class when I was in school
when I was in class when I was in school I wasn’t in the trauma and the chaos if
I wasn’t in the trauma and the chaos if
I wasn’t in the trauma and the chaos if Dad got tired of a dog he’d take us out
Dad got tired of a dog he’d take us out
Dad got tired of a dog he’d take us out and we’d have to watch him shoot it
and we’d have to watch him shoot it
and we’d have to watch him shoot it school was a refuge from that I loved
school was a refuge from that I loved
school was a refuge from that I loved school Kenny and David and Larry not so
school Kenny and David and Larry not so
school Kenny and David and Larry not so much I don’t know why but it was really
much I don’t know why but it was really
much I don’t know why but it was really good the other thing I had was we lived
good the other thing I had was we lived
good the other thing I had was we lived in a lot of small places way out in the
in a lot of small places way out in the
in a lot of small places way out in the middle of nowhere I lived in Craig Wolf
middle of nowhere I lived in Craig Wolf
middle of nowhere I lived in Craig Wolf Creek Dayton Nevada lived in buying them
Creek Dayton Nevada lived in buying them
Creek Dayton Nevada lived in buying them you know and and I spent so much time by
you know and and I spent so much time by
you know and and I spent so much time by myself walking in the hills I prayed and
myself walking in the hills I prayed and
myself walking in the hills I prayed and I sang songs and I just contemplated my
I sang songs and I just contemplated my
I sang songs and I just contemplated my life and who I wanted to be and where I
life and who I wanted to be and where I
life and who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go and so that it was like a
wanted to go and so that it was like a
wanted to go and so that it was like a fortress of solitude I loved it so I had
fortress of solitude I loved it so I had
fortress of solitude I loved it so I had school as a refuge and I had my solitude
school as a refuge and I had my solitude
school as a refuge and I had my solitude where I could just be at peace the third
where I could just be at peace the third
where I could just be at peace the third thing that that I had was I had a voice
thing that that I had was I had a voice
thing that that I had was I had a voice I had an opportunity to be heard my soul
I had an opportunity to be heard my soul
I had an opportunity to be heard my soul could cry out and be heard I could I
could cry out and be heard I could I
could cry out and be heard I could I could speak my emotions and be accepted
could speak my emotions and be accepted
could speak my emotions and be accepted and the way that I did that mainly was
and the way that I did that mainly was
and the way that I did that mainly was when I was in a new
when I was in a new
when I was in a new school and I was in so many new schools
school and I was in so many new schools
school and I was in so many new schools though I couldn’t really be in sports we
though I couldn’t really be in sports we
though I couldn’t really be in sports we were never anywhere long enough we were
were never anywhere long enough we were
were never anywhere long enough we were there for just a few weeks maybe a few
there for just a few weeks maybe a few
there for just a few weeks maybe a few months rarely was I ever there for a
months rarely was I ever there for a
months rarely was I ever there for a whole year I don’t think I had a whole
whole year I don’t think I had a whole
whole year I don’t think I had a whole year anywhere I’m junior and senior high
year anywhere I’m junior and senior high
year anywhere I’m junior and senior high maybe was close but choir
maybe was close but choir
maybe was close but choir I could go to choir anywhere and I sang
I could go to choir anywhere and I sang
I could go to choir anywhere and I sang songs and some of those songs just
songs and some of those songs just
songs and some of those songs just really touched my soul and I could
really touched my soul and I could
really touched my soul and I could express myself and I wrote poetry but
express myself and I wrote poetry but
express myself and I wrote poetry but yeah when Dad when Dad was sober he was
yeah when Dad when Dad was sober he was
yeah when Dad when Dad was sober he was great but when he was drunk he was not
great but when he was drunk he was not
great but when he was drunk he was not great but he read to us Roberts service
great but he read to us Roberts service
great but he read to us Roberts service you know poetry and so forth and and so
you know poetry and so forth and and so
you know poetry and so forth and and so I became a poet and I could express
I became a poet and I could express
I became a poet and I could express myself what kids need is a voice they
myself what kids need is a voice they
myself what kids need is a voice they need to be able to externalize the
need to be able to externalize the
need to be able to externalize the internal so that they can emote and the
internal so that they can emote and the
internal so that they can emote and the last thing that that I need to say about
last thing that that I need to say about
last thing that that I need to say about that is that you need to have and find a
that is that you need to have and find a
that is that you need to have and find a purpose you need to be able to give of
purpose you need to be able to give of
purpose you need to be able to give of yourself to someone else so that you can
yourself to someone else so that you can
yourself to someone else so that you can gain perspective of who you are in the
gain perspective of who you are in the
gain perspective of who you are in the world and where you’re going my mom was
world and where you’re going my mom was
world and where you’re going my mom was always very giving very gracious in
always very giving very gracious in
always very giving very gracious in serving and she would take me with her
serving and she would take me with her
serving and she would take me with her so I will be able to help people who
so I will be able to help people who
so I will be able to help people who needed help and that’s how I was able to
needed help and that’s how I was able to
needed help and that’s how I was able to give so the message I have is if if you
give so the message I have is if if you
give so the message I have is if if you would like to help kids who are
would like to help kids who are
would like to help kids who are traumatized you have an opportunity be a
traumatized you have an opportunity be a
traumatized you have an opportunity be a hero love them accept them guide them
hero love them accept them guide them
hero love them accept them guide them teach them offer them a place of refuge
teach them offer them a place of refuge
teach them offer them a place of refuge give them your home give them your
give them your home give them your
give them your home give them your backyard give them your woods and the
backyard give them your woods and the
backyard give them your woods and the third thing is give them a voice listen
third thing is give them a voice listen
third thing is give them a voice listen to them help them to write or sing or
to them help them to write or sing or
to them help them to write or sing or pray or whatever just get it out and the
pray or whatever just get it out and the
pray or whatever just get it out and the last thing is give them a place where
last thing is give them a place where
last thing is give them a place where they can love somebody else because we
they can love somebody else because we
they can love somebody else because we all need to be loved and we can undo
all need to be loved and we can undo
all need to be loved and we can undo that best by giving love thank you
”
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