good afternoon everyone it’s exciting to be here before I start
it’s exciting to be here before I start
it’s exciting to be here before I start I’d like to ask all of you two simple
I’d like to ask all of you two simple
I’d like to ask all of you two simple questions with a show of hands how many
questions with a show of hands how many
questions with a show of hands how many of you have wanted something and tried
of you have wanted something and tried
of you have wanted something and tried to get it by asking for it great that’s
to get it by asking for it great that’s
to get it by asking for it great that’s all of us now keep your hands up
all of us now keep your hands up
all of us now keep your hands up if you have gotten everything that you
if you have gotten everything that you
if you have gotten everything that you asked for yeah that’s what I thought
asked for yeah that’s what I thought
asked for yeah that’s what I thought none of us so we’re at least on the same
none of us so we’re at least on the same
none of us so we’re at least on the same page we have all had some of our
page we have all had some of our
page we have all had some of our requests refused or to put it in terms
requests refused or to put it in terms
requests refused or to put it in terms of my talk today we have all experienced
of my talk today we have all experienced
of my talk today we have all experienced rejection rejection is pervasive
rejection rejection is pervasive
rejection rejection is pervasive throughout our lives I remember as a
throughout our lives I remember as a
throughout our lives I remember as a child I was always refused second
child I was always refused second
child I was always refused second servings of dessert I’ve had school
servings of dessert I’ve had school
servings of dessert I’ve had school applications and job applications
applications and job applications
applications and job applications rejected I’ve asked to go out on dates
rejected I’ve asked to go out on dates
rejected I’ve asked to go out on dates and been turned down and I’ve even asked
and been turned down and I’ve even asked
and been turned down and I’ve even asked for help from friends and sometimes been
for help from friends and sometimes been
for help from friends and sometimes been ignored rejection exists everywhere
ignored rejection exists everywhere
ignored rejection exists everywhere including in my industry my career
including in my industry my career
including in my industry my career involves traveling the globe teaching
involves traveling the globe teaching
involves traveling the globe teaching people how to connect through salsa
people how to connect through salsa
people how to connect through salsa dancing not sure how many of you are
dancing not sure how many of you are
dancing not sure how many of you are familiar with the dance but for most of
familiar with the dance but for most of
familiar with the dance but for most of us the image that comes to mind is one
us the image that comes to mind is one
us the image that comes to mind is one of fun passion and lots of smiles it’s
of fun passion and lots of smiles it’s
of fun passion and lots of smiles it’s also a great environment to experience a
also a great environment to experience a
also a great environment to experience a lot of rejection and it’s actually where
lot of rejection and it’s actually where
lot of rejection and it’s actually where I learned the most about it when I first
I learned the most about it when I first
I learned the most about it when I first started dancing I used to get asked to
started dancing I used to get asked to
started dancing I used to get asked to dance a lot could have been because I
dance a lot could have been because I
dance a lot could have been because I was always bubbly and smiling or maybe
was always bubbly and smiling or maybe
was always bubbly and smiling or maybe just because I was a new face on the
just because I was a new face on the
just because I was a new face on the block either way I was always on the
block either way I was always on the
block either way I was always on the dance floor with very little effort of
dance floor with very little effort of
dance floor with very little effort of my party eventually however people
my party eventually however people
my party eventually however people realized that I was an absolute beginner
realized that I was an absolute beginner
realized that I was an absolute beginner with zero technique and Dancing with me
with zero technique and Dancing with me
with zero technique and Dancing with me was a little bit more pain than pleasure
was a little bit more pain than pleasure
was a little bit more pain than pleasure so naturally the requests to ask me to
so naturally the requests to ask me to
so naturally the requests to ask me to dance declined and if I wanted to dance
dance declined and if I wanted to dance
dance declined and if I wanted to dance I had to be the one asking now it’s
I had to be the one asking now it’s
I had to be the one asking now it’s nerve-racking especially as a beginner
nerve-racking especially as a beginner
nerve-racking especially as a beginner not knowing anyone to work up the
not knowing anyone to work up the
not knowing anyone to work up the courage and ask someone
courage and ask someone
courage and ask someone dents it was even harder if that person
dents it was even harder if that person
dents it was even harder if that person happened to be surrounded by all of
happened to be surrounded by all of
happened to be surrounded by all of their cool friends and then the hardest
their cool friends and then the hardest
their cool friends and then the hardest part was finally asking and hearing no
part was finally asking and hearing no
part was finally asking and hearing no now maybe you’re thinking
now maybe you’re thinking
now maybe you’re thinking so what Magna you said it yourself we’ve
so what Magna you said it yourself we’ve
so what Magna you said it yourself we’ve all experienced rejection we’ve all
all experienced rejection we’ve all
all experienced rejection we’ve all heard the word know what makes dance so
heard the word know what makes dance so
heard the word know what makes dance so different and you’re partially right but
different and you’re partially right but
different and you’re partially right but let’s take the example of getting
let’s take the example of getting
let’s take the example of getting rejected from a job or a date the
rejected from a job or a date the
rejected from a job or a date the chances of us asking again within
chances of us asking again within
chances of us asking again within seconds are pretty slim most likely a
seconds are pretty slim most likely a
seconds are pretty slim most likely a few days weeks or even months will pass
few days weeks or even months will pass
few days weeks or even months will pass before we make another attempt partner
before we make another attempt partner
before we make another attempt partner dancing on the other hand takes
dancing on the other hand takes
dancing on the other hand takes rejection to a whole new level nowhere
rejection to a whole new level nowhere
rejection to a whole new level nowhere have I experienced as much rejection as
have I experienced as much rejection as
have I experienced as much rejection as I haven’t danced let me take you through
I haven’t danced let me take you through
I haven’t danced let me take you through a typical night out to try and explain I
a typical night out to try and explain I
a typical night out to try and explain I would usually go out dancing for about
would usually go out dancing for about
would usually go out dancing for about three or four hours the average song
three or four hours the average song
three or four hours the average song lasts five minutes so that’s about 12
lasts five minutes so that’s about 12
lasts five minutes so that’s about 12 songs in an hour I of course wanted to
songs in an hour I of course wanted to
songs in an hour I of course wanted to dance to all of them but initially I was
dance to all of them but initially I was
dance to all of them but initially I was getting rejected at least half the time
getting rejected at least half the time
getting rejected at least half the time which meant six rejections in just one
which meant six rejections in just one
which meant six rejections in just one hour and sometimes if I really want us
hour and sometimes if I really want us
hour and sometimes if I really want us to dance to a particular song I would
to dance to a particular song I would
to dance to a particular song I would ask until I got on the dance floor which
ask until I got on the dance floor which
ask until I got on the dance floor which sometimes meant three or four rejections
sometimes meant three or four rejections
sometimes meant three or four rejections within the first 30 seconds of a song
within the first 30 seconds of a song
within the first 30 seconds of a song those numbers are ridiculous I can’t
those numbers are ridiculous I can’t
those numbers are ridiculous I can’t think of any other aspect of life where
think of any other aspect of life where
think of any other aspect of life where you have that many rejections in that
you have that many rejections in that
you have that many rejections in that short of a time
short of a time
short of a time well maybe telemarketing I don’t know
well maybe telemarketing I don’t know
well maybe telemarketing I don’t know but even then now the problem with
but even then now the problem with
but even then now the problem with rejection is not so much in the word no
rejection is not so much in the word no
rejection is not so much in the word no it’s the way it makes us feel think
it’s the way it makes us feel think
it’s the way it makes us feel think about the last time you were rejected
about the last time you were rejected
about the last time you were rejected from something how did you feel
from something how did you feel
from something how did you feel were you tense did your heart sink into
were you tense did your heart sink into
were you tense did your heart sink into your stomach did you feel defeated and
your stomach did you feel defeated and
your stomach did you feel defeated and worthless
now take that feeling and multiply it by
now take that feeling and multiply it by the numbers in the frequency of
the numbers in the frequency of
the numbers in the frequency of rejections I was receiving and you might
rejections I was receiving and you might
rejections I was receiving and you might have an idea of how low I felt of course
have an idea of how low I felt of course
have an idea of how low I felt of course my initial reaction to this experience
my initial reaction to this experience
my initial reaction to this experience was this sucks I’m gonna pretend it
was this sucks I’m gonna pretend it
was this sucks I’m gonna pretend it never happened
never happened
never happened but dance doesn’t afford that luxury
but dance doesn’t afford that luxury
but dance doesn’t afford that luxury because if you wanted to improve which I
because if you wanted to improve which I
because if you wanted to improve which I clearly did you had to keep on dancing
clearly did you had to keep on dancing
clearly did you had to keep on dancing and in order to dance you had to keep on
and in order to dance you had to keep on
and in order to dance you had to keep on asking which basically meant every five
asking which basically meant every five
asking which basically meant every five minutes you had to set yourself up for
minutes you had to set yourself up for
minutes you had to set yourself up for another potential rejection and it took
another potential rejection and it took
another potential rejection and it took me some time to realize that rejection
me some time to realize that rejection
me some time to realize that rejection was like any other experience in life
was like any other experience in life
was like any other experience in life there were lessons to be learned and
there were lessons to be learned and
there were lessons to be learned and opportunities for growth I just had to
opportunities for growth I just had to
opportunities for growth I just had to find them but I couldn’t do that if I
find them but I couldn’t do that if I
find them but I couldn’t do that if I kept on pretending it never happened
kept on pretending it never happened
kept on pretending it never happened so I revisited some of those experiences
so I revisited some of those experiences
so I revisited some of those experiences and the first lesson I learned was to
and the first lesson I learned was to
and the first lesson I learned was to not take rejection personally even if it
not take rejection personally even if it
not take rejection personally even if it was personal against my level of skill
was personal against my level of skill
was personal against my level of skill at that moment it said nothing about my
at that moment it said nothing about my
at that moment it said nothing about my ability to improve and be better in the
ability to improve and be better in the
ability to improve and be better in the future
the second lesson I learned was to take
the second lesson I learned was to take each request I made and each rejection I
each request I made and each rejection I
each request I made and each rejection I received like a case study and analyze
received like a case study and analyze
received like a case study and analyze it and refine my technique for asking
it and refine my technique for asking
it and refine my technique for asking how I asked when I asked in whom I asked
how I asked when I asked in whom I asked
how I asked when I asked in whom I asked I ended up learning a lot more about
I ended up learning a lot more about
I ended up learning a lot more about myself and how to read people
myself and how to read people
myself and how to read people and what I found was when I took
and what I found was when I took
and what I found was when I took rejection personally I was hurt and I
rejection personally I was hurt and I
rejection personally I was hurt and I was disappointed sure maybe my first and
was disappointed sure maybe my first and
was disappointed sure maybe my first and second rejections were full of
second rejections were full of
second rejections were full of enthusiasm with this big smile and a
enthusiasm with this big smile and a
enthusiasm with this big smile and a high would you like to dance
but after getting that smile but after
but after getting that smile but after getting rejected a couple of times I was
getting rejected a couple of times I was
getting rejected a couple of times I was dull and resentful I had a look of
dull and resentful I had a look of
dull and resentful I had a look of misery on my face and my requests
misery on my face and my requests
misery on my face and my requests sounded more like you want to dance no
sounded more like you want to dance no
sounded more like you want to dance no how about you you want to dance okay
how about you you want to dance okay
how about you you want to dance okay maybe I didn’t turn into grumpy cat but
maybe I didn’t turn into grumpy cat but
maybe I didn’t turn into grumpy cat but needless to say people were rejecting my
needless to say people were rejecting my
needless to say people were rejecting my negative energy well before I had a
negative energy well before I had a
negative energy well before I had a chance to ask them for anything when I
chance to ask them for anything when I
chance to ask them for anything when I switched and stopped making it personal
switched and stopped making it personal
switched and stopped making it personal and focused instead on my goal of
and focused instead on my goal of
and focused instead on my goal of getting on the dance floor and having
getting on the dance floor and having
getting on the dance floor and having fun
fun
fun my entire demeanor was much more
my entire demeanor was much more
my entire demeanor was much more positive and pleasant I was confident
positive and pleasant I was confident
positive and pleasant I was confident and accepting of whatever answer I would
and accepting of whatever answer I would
and accepting of whatever answer I would receive add to that the fact that I no
receive add to that the fact that I no
receive add to that the fact that I no longer asked just anyone and everyone to
longer asked just anyone and everyone to
longer asked just anyone and everyone to dance but I focused my efforts on asking
dance but I focused my efforts on asking
dance but I focused my efforts on asking people that seemed equally enthusiastic
people that seemed equally enthusiastic
people that seemed equally enthusiastic about getting on the dance floor well
about getting on the dance floor well
about getting on the dance floor well you can guess I ended up getting a lot
you can guess I ended up getting a lot
you can guess I ended up getting a lot more yeses and this whole experience
more yeses and this whole experience
more yeses and this whole experience helped me redefine success as not just
helped me redefine success as not just
helped me redefine success as not just including the yes but also including
including the yes but also including
including the yes but also including this learning process and these two
this learning process and these two
this learning process and these two tools that I used learning from it and
tools that I used learning from it and
tools that I used learning from it and not taking it personally
not taking it personally
not taking it personally we’re invaluable not only in my dance
we’re invaluable not only in my dance
we’re invaluable not only in my dance life but also my personal and
life but also my personal and
life but also my personal and professional life in dealing with
professional life in dealing with
professional life in dealing with rejection but there’s a flipside clearly
rejection but there’s a flipside clearly
rejection but there’s a flipside clearly if someone is receiving a rejection
if someone is receiving a rejection
if someone is receiving a rejection someone is dishing it out and I’m not
someone is dishing it out and I’m not
someone is dishing it out and I’m not sure about all of you but as hard as it
sure about all of you but as hard as it
sure about all of you but as hard as it is for me to hear the word no it’s
is for me to hear the word no it’s
is for me to hear the word no it’s always been much harder for me to tell
always been much harder for me to tell
always been much harder for me to tell someone now because of saying no hurts
someone now because of saying no hurts
someone now because of saying no hurts then I’m responsible for hurting someone
then I’m responsible for hurting someone
then I’m responsible for hurting someone and since hurting someone isn’t socially
and since hurting someone isn’t socially
and since hurting someone isn’t socially acceptable I always had this feeling
acceptable I always had this feeling
acceptable I always had this feeling that rejecting someone wasn’t either
unfortunately we live in this world
unfortunately we live in this world where being agreeable is praised over
where being agreeable is praised over
where being agreeable is praised over being objectionable
being objectionable
being objectionable we’re sacrificing your wants and desires
we’re sacrificing your wants and desires
we’re sacrificing your wants and desires are held in higher regard than standing
are held in higher regard than standing
are held in higher regard than standing up for them where when I say yes people
up for them where when I say yes people
up for them where when I say yes people call me a sweetheart
call me a sweetheart
call me a sweetheart and when I say no people call me a bitch
we feel entitled when asking and obliged
we feel entitled when asking and obliged when asked in my dance community it’s no
when asked in my dance community it’s no
when asked in my dance community it’s no different in fact there’s this unspoken
different in fact there’s this unspoken
different in fact there’s this unspoken expectation that if someone works up the
expectation that if someone works up the
expectation that if someone works up the courage and asks you to dance you better
courage and asks you to dance you better
courage and asks you to dance you better honor it and say yes no matter what
honor it and say yes no matter what
honor it and say yes no matter what because rejecting them would have a
because rejecting them would have a
because rejecting them would have a negative impact on them sure when I was
negative impact on them sure when I was
negative impact on them sure when I was doing all the asking couldn’t agree more
doing all the asking couldn’t agree more
doing all the asking couldn’t agree more but when I improved and started being
but when I improved and started being
but when I improved and started being asked more often I realized that saying
asked more often I realized that saying
asked more often I realized that saying yes could also have a negative impact so
yes could also have a negative impact so
yes could also have a negative impact so I had to learn how and when it was
I had to learn how and when it was
I had to learn how and when it was important to say no unfortunately my
important to say no unfortunately my
important to say no unfortunately my lesson came in the form of an injury
lesson came in the form of an injury
lesson came in the form of an injury it’s a little bit of background
it’s a little bit of background
it’s a little bit of background information my reputation in my dance
information my reputation in my dance
information my reputation in my dance community is one of this kind and sweet
community is one of this kind and sweet
community is one of this kind and sweet Energizer Bunny who dances all night
Energizer Bunny who dances all night
Energizer Bunny who dances all night with everyone and almost never says no
with everyone and almost never says no
with everyone and almost never says no but then I got injured sprained ankle
but then I got injured sprained ankle
but then I got injured sprained ankle and broke my toe twice on the same foot
and broke my toe twice on the same foot
and broke my toe twice on the same foot and despite the pain my fear of losing
and despite the pain my fear of losing
and despite the pain my fear of losing my reputation outweighed any respect I
my reputation outweighed any respect I
my reputation outweighed any respect I had for my body it was only after three
had for my body it was only after three
had for my body it was only after three years of being at sub-optimal health
years of being at sub-optimal health
years of being at sub-optimal health that I realized if I didn’t learn how to
that I realized if I didn’t learn how to
that I realized if I didn’t learn how to say no and take care of myself I could
say no and take care of myself I could
say no and take care of myself I could cause permanent damage to my body so
cause permanent damage to my body so
cause permanent damage to my body so finally learning how to say no helped me
finally learning how to say no helped me
finally learning how to say no helped me recover and get back into dance full
recover and get back into dance full
recover and get back into dance full force so obviously this was a case where
force so obviously this was a case where
force so obviously this was a case where my rejection was a benefit to me but
my rejection was a benefit to me but
my rejection was a benefit to me but there are plenty of occasions in dance
there are plenty of occasions in dance
there are plenty of occasions in dance where my rejection was also a benefit to
where my rejection was also a benefit to
where my rejection was also a benefit to someone else as I mentioned before salsa
someone else as I mentioned before salsa
someone else as I mentioned before salsa dancing is a social dance which involves
dancing is a social dance which involves
dancing is a social dance which involves a lot of asking and sure there were
a lot of asking and sure there were
a lot of asking and sure there were times when I was on the fence when asked
times when I was on the fence when asked
times when I was on the fence when asked but once I said yes I ended up having a
but once I said yes I ended up having a
but once I said yes I ended up having a great time but they were also time
great time but they were also time
great time but they were also time when I really didn’t want to dance with
when I really didn’t want to dance with
when I really didn’t want to dance with the person that asked me and whatever
the person that asked me and whatever
the person that asked me and whatever the reason when I caved and I said yes I
the reason when I caved and I said yes I
the reason when I caved and I said yes I ended up causing more harm than good
ended up causing more harm than good
ended up causing more harm than good because my heart and my mind were
because my heart and my mind were
because my heart and my mind were elsewhere I was distracted sometimes I
elsewhere I was distracted sometimes I
elsewhere I was distracted sometimes I was even annoyed and resentful for
was even annoyed and resentful for
was even annoyed and resentful for feeling like I got sucked into doing
feeling like I got sucked into doing
feeling like I got sucked into doing something I didn’t want to do I might
something I didn’t want to do I might
something I didn’t want to do I might have been smiling but it wasn’t genuine
have been smiling but it wasn’t genuine
have been smiling but it wasn’t genuine and I’m sure my body language revealed
and I’m sure my body language revealed
and I’m sure my body language revealed that by avoiding eye contact easily
that by avoiding eye contact easily
that by avoiding eye contact easily irritated dismissive of my partner’s
irritated dismissive of my partner’s
irritated dismissive of my partner’s enjoyment and just not participating
enjoyment and just not participating
enjoyment and just not participating wholeheartedly I treated my partner like
wholeheartedly I treated my partner like
wholeheartedly I treated my partner like a chore that I couldn’t wait to finish I
a chore that I couldn’t wait to finish I
a chore that I couldn’t wait to finish I know that sounds harsh but it’s the
know that sounds harsh but it’s the
know that sounds harsh but it’s the truth and I’d like to think that I’m a
truth and I’d like to think that I’m a
truth and I’d like to think that I’m a great person once you get to know me but
great person once you get to know me but
great person once you get to know me but if that five minute introduction was all
if that five minute introduction was all
if that five minute introduction was all you had I doubt you’d want to spend
you had I doubt you’d want to spend
you had I doubt you’d want to spend another minute in my presence at least
another minute in my presence at least
another minute in my presence at least that’s how I felt when I danced with
that’s how I felt when I danced with
that’s how I felt when I danced with someone like that so these days if I
someone like that so these days if I
someone like that so these days if I feel I can’t be a hundred percent
feel I can’t be a hundred percent
feel I can’t be a hundred percent present 100% present I’d rather say no
present 100% present I’d rather say no
present 100% present I’d rather say no because my partner deserves better than
because my partner deserves better than
because my partner deserves better than that now these are examples and dance
that now these are examples and dance
that now these are examples and dance but there are plenty of moments like
but there are plenty of moments like
but there are plenty of moments like this in life as well think about the
this in life as well think about the
this in life as well think about the time that you weren’t feeling well and
time that you weren’t feeling well and
time that you weren’t feeling well and you didn’t want to go out and your
you didn’t want to go out and your
you didn’t want to go out and your friends begged you to come out and you
friends begged you to come out and you
friends begged you to come out and you said yes
said yes
said yes were you miserable and complaining even
were you miserable and complaining even
were you miserable and complaining even if it was to yourself did you end up
if it was to yourself did you end up
if it was to yourself did you end up feeling worse the next day because you
feeling worse the next day because you
feeling worse the next day because you should have stayed home and rested I
should have stayed home and rested I
should have stayed home and rested I know it’s hard to say no especially to
know it’s hard to say no especially to
know it’s hard to say no especially to those people that are close to us but if
those people that are close to us but if
those people that are close to us but if we can’t be our best then why are we
we can’t be our best then why are we
we can’t be our best then why are we ruining their day also or how about that
ruining their day also or how about that
ruining their day also or how about that time you said yes to a second date with
time you said yes to a second date with
time you said yes to a second date with that person that you had zero interest
that person that you had zero interest
that person that you had zero interest in because you didn’t want to be mean
in because you didn’t want to be mean
in because you didn’t want to be mean was it nicer to get their hopes up
was it nicer to get their hopes up
was it nicer to get their hopes up unnecessarily did you think that they
unnecessarily did you think that they
unnecessarily did you think that they wanted to spend their valuable time
wanted to spend their valuable time
wanted to spend their valuable time planning a special dinner only to have
planning a special dinner only to have
planning a special dinner only to have you sit there for two hours revealing
you sit there for two hours revealing
you sit there for two hours revealing your lack of interest with your short
your lack of interest with your short
your lack of interest with your short replies and your frequent glances at
replies and your frequent glances at
replies and your frequent glances at your cellphone if a five-minute dance
your cellphone if a five-minute dance
your cellphone if a five-minute dance can have such an impact on us what do
can have such an impact on us what do
can have such an impact on us what do you think the impact of a two-hour
you think the impact of a two-hour
you think the impact of a two-hour dinner would be now when we look at
dinner would be now when we look at
dinner would be now when we look at things this way meaning when we look at
things this way meaning when we look at
things this way meaning when we look at the consequences of our words and our
the consequences of our words and our
the consequences of our words and our actions I hope we can start to see where
actions I hope we can start to see where
actions I hope we can start to see where our responsibility lies in all of it and
our responsibility lies in all of it and
our responsibility lies in all of it and why it’s important to say no sometimes
why it’s important to say no sometimes
why it’s important to say no sometimes our definition of rejection makes us
our definition of rejection makes us
our definition of rejection makes us think that we’re delivering an insult
think that we’re delivering an insult
think that we’re delivering an insult when we say no so I understand why there
when we say no so I understand why there
when we say no so I understand why there is hesitancy but we can see that it can
is hesitancy but we can see that it can
is hesitancy but we can see that it can also come from a place of respect and
also come from a place of respect and
also come from a place of respect and consideration think of the examples I
consideration think of the examples I
consideration think of the examples I just mentioned would you rather receive
just mentioned would you rather receive
just mentioned would you rather receive an honest two-second no or spend hours
an honest two-second no or spend hours
an honest two-second no or spend hours or more in the presence of a dishonest
or more in the presence of a dishonest
or more in the presence of a dishonest yes not sure about all of you but
yes not sure about all of you but
yes not sure about all of you but painful as it may be I would prefer the
painful as it may be I would prefer the
painful as it may be I would prefer the honesty an honesty is important it’s
honesty an honesty is important it’s
honesty an honesty is important it’s crucial but the actual line between
crucial but the actual line between
crucial but the actual line between respect and insults lies in the delivery
respect and insults lies in the delivery
respect and insults lies in the delivery in the key to a good delivery is empathy
whether we are receiving or delivering a
whether we are receiving or delivering a rejection we are dealing with human
rejection we are dealing with human
rejection we are dealing with human beings treating them with compassion
beings treating them with compassion
beings treating them with compassion politeness and respect makes it much
politeness and respect makes it much
politeness and respect makes it much easier for us to speak openly and when
easier for us to speak openly and when
easier for us to speak openly and when we don’t take or make things personal
we don’t take or make things personal
we don’t take or make things personal and our kind with our words people are
and our kind with our words people are
and our kind with our words people are more receptive to what we have to say we
more receptive to what we have to say we
more receptive to what we have to say we can’t necessarily control their reaction
can’t necessarily control their reaction
can’t necessarily control their reaction to our rejection but at least we can
to our rejection but at least we can
to our rejection but at least we can walk away with a clear conscience when
walk away with a clear conscience when
walk away with a clear conscience when we’ve taken extra care to be sensitive
we’ve taken extra care to be sensitive
we’ve taken extra care to be sensitive when delivering it I know personally
when delivering it I know personally
when delivering it I know personally switching from this attitude of
switching from this attitude of
switching from this attitude of entitlement and obligation to one of
entitlement and obligation to one of
entitlement and obligation to one of understanding and respect has
understanding and respect has
understanding and respect has significantly improved not only my
significantly improved not only my
significantly improved not only my dances but also my relationships off the
dances but also my relationships off the
dances but also my relationships off the dance floor I’m more present now because
dance floor I’m more present now because
dance floor I’m more present now because I value other people’s time and I take
I value other people’s time and I take
I value other people’s time and I take responsibility for my choices I’m more
responsibility for my choices I’m more
responsibility for my choices I’m more generous because I know that at least I
generous because I know that at least I
generous because I know that at least I will respect my boundaries and my limits
will respect my boundaries and my limits
will respect my boundaries and my limits and I’m kinder because I always engage
and I’m kinder because I always engage
and I’m kinder because I always engage from a place of empathy it’s empowering
from a place of empathy it’s empowering
from a place of empathy it’s empowering to take control of your yeses in your
to take control of your yeses in your
to take control of your yeses in your nose and it’s liberating to not feel
nose and it’s liberating to not feel
nose and it’s liberating to not feel obliged when asked and to not feel like
obliged when asked and to not feel like
obliged when asked and to not feel like a victim of rejection and this comfort
a victim of rejection and this comfort
a victim of rejection and this comfort was saying no is fantastic but getting
was saying no is fantastic but getting
was saying no is fantastic but getting comfortable with saying no is not so
comfortable with saying no is not so
comfortable with saying no is not so that we can walk out into the world
that we can walk out into the world
that we can walk out into the world rejecting new people and new experiences
rejecting new people and new experiences
rejecting new people and new experiences right left and center it’s just to
right left and center it’s just to
right left and center it’s just to enable us to be honest about what we
enable us to be honest about what we
enable us to be honest about what we want and what we can give at any
want and what we can give at any
want and what we can give at any particular moment rejection does not
particular moment rejection does not
particular moment rejection does not have to be this monster that we’re
have to be this monster that we’re
have to be this monster that we’re scared to confront or scare to release
scared to confront or scare to release
scared to confront or scare to release it is just an answer to a question
it is just an answer to a question
it is just an answer to a question unless we define it differently and
unless we define it differently and
unless we define it differently and compassion empathy resilience these are
compassion empathy resilience these are
compassion empathy resilience these are all skills that we can develop I’ve
all skills that we can develop I’ve
all skills that we can develop I’ve worked on them mainly through dance but
worked on them mainly through dance but
worked on them mainly through dance but I get plenty of opportunities in life to
I get plenty of opportunities in life to
I get plenty of opportunities in life to do that as well and so do you
do that as well and so do you
do that as well and so do you so the next time you have to deal with
so the next time you have to deal with
so the next time you have to deal with rejection don’t take it personally try
rejection don’t take it personally try
rejection don’t take it personally try to learn from it and the next time you
to learn from it and the next time you
to learn from it and the next time you have to deliver a rejection be kind
have to deliver a rejection be kind
have to deliver a rejection be kind respectful empathetic and know that your
respectful empathetic and know that your
respectful empathetic and know that your honesty in that moment is not an insult
honesty in that moment is not an insult
honesty in that moment is not an insult it is the greatest sign of respect that
it is the greatest sign of respect that
it is the greatest sign of respect that you can show to yourself and to someone
you can show to yourself and to someone
you can show to yourself and to someone else now before I wrap up I would like
else now before I wrap up I would like
else now before I wrap up I would like to share a short poem that I had written
to share a short poem that I had written
to share a short poem that I had written it was at the TEDx speaker workshop we
it was at the TEDx speaker workshop we
it was at the TEDx speaker workshop we were asked to summarize the impact of
were asked to summarize the impact of
were asked to summarize the impact of our speech in a haiku and I hope that
our speech in a haiku and I hope that
our speech in a haiku and I hope that these words will have an impact on you
these words will have an impact on you
these words will have an impact on you as well now we are both here present and
as well now we are both here present and
as well now we are both here present and sincere this is how we choose to live
sincere this is how we choose to live
sincere this is how we choose to live thank you very much
thank you very much
thank you very much [Applause]
”
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