“The Backstage of Motivation” | Paul McCarthy | TEDxUniversityofGlasgow

the title of my talk today is if at

the title of my talk today is if at first you don’t succeed I think most

first you don’t succeed I think most

first you don’t succeed I think most people can finish this often-quoted line

people can finish this often-quoted line

people can finish this often-quoted line so when I was in primary school one of

so when I was in primary school one of

so when I was in primary school one of our teachers had two quotations over the

our teachers had two quotations over the

our teachers had two quotations over the blackboard the first one was do what you

blackboard the first one was do what you

blackboard the first one was do what you do do well and the second was if at

do do well and the second was if at

do do well and the second was if at first you don’t succeed try try again

first you don’t succeed try try again

first you don’t succeed try try again and it was a picture of Dennis Taylor

and it was a picture of Dennis Taylor

and it was a picture of Dennis Taylor who had won the 1985 World Snooker

who had won the 1985 World Snooker

who had won the 1985 World Snooker Championships was interesting about

Championships was interesting about

Championships was interesting about these two quotes is that they’ve served

these two quotes is that they’ve served

these two quotes is that they’ve served me well over the years but more recently

me well over the years but more recently

me well over the years but more recently I’ve come to enjoy a new interpretation

I’ve come to enjoy a new interpretation

I’ve come to enjoy a new interpretation of if at first you don’t succeed try try

of if at first you don’t succeed try try

of if at first you don’t succeed try try again it’s the one by David Brent from

again it’s the one by David Brent from

again it’s the one by David Brent from the office if at first you don’t succeed

the office if at first you don’t succeed

the office if at first you don’t succeed hide all evidence you ever tried in the

hide all evidence you ever tried in the

hide all evidence you ever tried in the first place

so if it doesn’t work out today

so if it doesn’t work out today okay I’m snow Gert the notion of trying

okay I’m snow Gert the notion of trying

okay I’m snow Gert the notion of trying and failing and continuing is a really

and failing and continuing is a really

and failing and continuing is a really interesting one and it’s kind of the

interesting one and it’s kind of the

interesting one and it’s kind of the theme of my talk here today but to

theme of my talk here today but to

theme of my talk here today but to introduce myself properly my name is dr.

introduce myself properly my name is dr.

introduce myself properly my name is dr. Paul McCarthy and I’m saying that with

Paul McCarthy and I’m saying that with

Paul McCarthy and I’m saying that with emphasis not because I’ve earned that

emphasis not because I’ve earned that

emphasis not because I’ve earned that PhD but more for the notion that I carry

PhD but more for the notion that I carry

PhD but more for the notion that I carry a level of competence or at least I’m

a level of competence or at least I’m

a level of competence or at least I’m supposed to have when I work with people

supposed to have when I work with people

supposed to have when I work with people and I work a lot in sport and this

and I work a lot in sport and this

and I work a lot in sport and this notion of working in sport is really

notion of working in sport is really

notion of working in sport is really important because the people who are

important because the people who are

important because the people who are seeing a psychologist often feel that

seeing a psychologist often feel that

seeing a psychologist often feel that there is some stigma attached to it if

there is some stigma attached to it if

there is some stigma attached to it if you’re working with a psychologist you

you’re working with a psychologist you

you’re working with a psychologist you must have problems but once you come to

must have problems but once you come to

must have problems but once you come to see a psychologist we do a very clever

see a psychologist we do a very clever

see a psychologist we do a very clever thing we turn your problems into issues

thing we turn your problems into issues

thing we turn your problems into issues no more problems but that notion that

no more problems but that notion that

no more problems but that notion that psychologists are working with problems

psychologists are working with problems

psychologists are working with problems and dealing with issues it’s a really

and dealing with issues it’s a really

and dealing with issues it’s a really narrow view and we’re really looking at

narrow view and we’re really looking at

narrow view and we’re really looking at enlightened self-interest how do I get

enlightened self-interest how do I get

enlightened self-interest how do I get the best out of myself in every possible

the best out of myself in every possible

the best out of myself in every possible way and getting the best out of

way and getting the best out of

way and getting the best out of ourselves often means that we are trying

ourselves often means that we are trying

ourselves often means that we are trying to understand who we are now and where

to understand who we are now and where

to understand who we are now and where we want to go to in the future that

we want to go to in the future that

we want to go to in the future that process of enlightened self-interest is

process of enlightened self-interest is

process of enlightened self-interest is really about seeing the whole picture

really about seeing the whole picture

really about seeing the whole picture and there’s a lovely quote ever tried

and there’s a lovely quote ever tried

and there’s a lovely quote ever tried ever field no matter try again fail

ever field no matter try again fail

ever field no matter try again fail again feel better and support by Samuel

again feel better and support by Samuel

again feel better and support by Samuel Beckett but the notion of that trying

Beckett but the notion of that trying

Beckett but the notion of that trying and failing doesn’t work well for

and failing doesn’t work well for

and failing doesn’t work well for everybody so when we work with athletes

everybody so when we work with athletes

everybody so when we work with athletes we’re looking at different components

we’re looking at different components

we’re looking at different components physical mental technical tactical and

physical mental technical tactical and

physical mental technical tactical and lifestyle we’re trying to present an

lifestyle we’re trying to present an

lifestyle we’re trying to present an entire view of the athletes life and why

entire view of the athletes life and why

entire view of the athletes life and why the psychologist has a unique role

the psychologist has a unique role

the psychologist has a unique role because he or she is set is usually

because he or she is set is usually

because he or she is set is usually stepping a little bit further away than

stepping a little bit further away than

stepping a little bit further away than the code

the code

the code strength and conditioning coach

strength and conditioning coach

strength and conditioning coach nutritionist and so on there there is a

nutritionist and so on there there is a

nutritionist and so on there there is a sounding board and they’re there to give

sounding board and they’re there to give

sounding board and they’re there to give a perspective that most athletes might

a perspective that most athletes might

a perspective that most athletes might not ordinarily get from the team around

not ordinarily get from the team around

not ordinarily get from the team around them and in sports just as in life we

them and in sports just as in life we

them and in sports just as in life we have a lot of compare and despair you

have a lot of compare and despair you

have a lot of compare and despair you look at yourself you see somebody else

look at yourself you see somebody else

look at yourself you see somebody else and you come up short and we do this all

and you come up short and we do this all

and you come up short and we do this all the time what we wear what we achieve

the time what we wear what we achieve

the time what we wear what we achieve the car we drive the holidays we go on

the car we drive the holidays we go on

the car we drive the holidays we go on so what we tend to do is poison the

so what we tend to do is poison the

so what we tend to do is poison the present with this compare and despair

present with this compare and despair

present with this compare and despair we’re sad about what happened in the

we’re sad about what happened in the

we’re sad about what happened in the past worried about what might happen in

past worried about what might happen in

past worried about what might happen in the future and the present doesn’t get

the future and the present doesn’t get

the future and the present doesn’t get any better so most of the work are the

any better so most of the work are the

any better so most of the work are the psychologists and especially in sport is

psychologists and especially in sport is

psychologists and especially in sport is trying to look at psychological fitness

trying to look at psychological fitness

trying to look at psychological fitness how do we manage ourselves better seeing

how do we manage ourselves better seeing

how do we manage ourselves better seeing the challenges that we experience every

the challenges that we experience every

the challenges that we experience every day and this notion and the thread of

day and this notion and the thread of

day and this notion and the thread of today’s talk is about that resilience

today’s talk is about that resilience

today’s talk is about that resilience that we have a notion of motivation now

that we have a notion of motivation now

that we have a notion of motivation now I’m going to do with the service to all

I’m going to do with the service to all

I’m going to do with the service to all the motivational fear result here by

the motivational fear result here by

the motivational fear result here by next analogy I’m going to use a bulk or

next analogy I’m going to use a bulk or

next analogy I’m going to use a bulk or evasion but if we conceptualize

evasion but if we conceptualize

evasion but if we conceptualize motivation as energy and direction I’ll

motivation as energy and direction I’ll

motivation as energy and direction I’ll explain it like this

explain it like this

explain it like this imagine you are a car in a car park

imagine you are a car in a car park

imagine you are a car in a car park filled with petrol but you keep going

filled with petrol but you keep going

filled with petrol but you keep going around the car park you’re lots of

around the car park you’re lots of

around the car park you’re lots of energy with no direction alternatively

energy with no direction alternatively

energy with no direction alternatively you could be a car on the motorway

you could be a car on the motorway

you could be a car on the motorway knowing where you’re going but no petrol

knowing where you’re going but no petrol

knowing where you’re going but no petrol and no energy to drive you where you’re

and no energy to drive you where you’re

and no energy to drive you where you’re going so that notion of energy and

going so that notion of energy and

going so that notion of energy and direction is it’s interesting because

direction is it’s interesting because

direction is it’s interesting because sometimes we read out energy sometimes

sometimes we read out energy sometimes

sometimes we read out energy sometimes we read out Direction sometimes we’re

we read out Direction sometimes we’re

we read out Direction sometimes we’re without both and many people seek the

without both and many people seek the

without both and many people seek the help of a psychologist to be able to

help of a psychologist to be able to

help of a psychologist to be able to deal with these issues but the

deal with these issues but the

deal with these issues but the psychologists can only work with these

psychologists can only work with these

psychologists can only work with these issues if the person coming to see us is

issues if the person coming to see us is

issues if the person coming to see us is willing to work on these things him or

willing to work on these things him or

willing to work on these things him or herself so we need the client to be

herself so we need the client to be

herself so we need the client to be engaged and that’s the really hard part

engaged and that’s the really hard part

engaged and that’s the really hard part because most people who come to see us

because most people who come to see us

because most people who come to see us would like us to take away

would like us to take away

would like us to take away all the issues that seem to surround

all the issues that seem to surround

all the issues that seem to surround them and then we tell them we can’t

them and then we tell them we can’t

them and then we tell them we can’t until they start to help themselves but

until they start to help themselves but

until they start to help themselves but this notion of motivation then when we

this notion of motivation then when we

this notion of motivation then when we think about it how you might have been

think about it how you might have been

think about it how you might have been motivated in the past especially if you

motivated in the past especially if you

motivated in the past especially if you have been involved in sport much of it

have been involved in sport much of it

have been involved in sport much of it is shouting screaming swearing demeaning

is shouting screaming swearing demeaning

is shouting screaming swearing demeaning running you down running other people

running you down running other people

running you down running other people down and we’ve all had a lot of that

down and we’ve all had a lot of that

down and we’ve all had a lot of that does it make you feel good doesn’t seem

does it make you feel good doesn’t seem

does it make you feel good doesn’t seem to but somehow we think this must be the

to but somehow we think this must be the

to but somehow we think this must be the way forward to threaten people put them

way forward to threaten people put them

way forward to threaten people put them under pressure so what we often tend to

under pressure so what we often tend to

under pressure so what we often tend to do is we end up attacking somebody’s

do is we end up attacking somebody’s

do is we end up attacking somebody’s personality their attributes and their

personality their attributes and their

personality their attributes and their character so we are attacking them

character so we are attacking them

character so we are attacking them personally and the interesting thing

personally and the interesting thing

personally and the interesting thing about is is that it doesn’t tend to work

about is is that it doesn’t tend to work

about is is that it doesn’t tend to work so well because words are knives so

so well because words are knives so

so well because words are knives so here’s my problem I’m not going to work

here’s my problem I’m not going to work

here’s my problem I’m not going to work to anybody here today but just to

to anybody here today but just to

to anybody here today but just to illustrate what I mean if I say words or

illustrate what I mean if I say words or

illustrate what I mean if I say words or knives I said this to my little boy and

knives I said this to my little boy and

knives I said this to my little boy and he said you had that of course they’re

he said you had that of course they’re

he said you had that of course they’re words heart

words heart

words heart or it’s heart if I use this knife in my

or it’s heart if I use this knife in my

or it’s heart if I use this knife in my interactions with other people I could

interactions with other people I could

interactions with other people I could hand them as we are safely asked to do

hand them as we are safely asked to do

hand them as we are safely asked to do the handle or I could hand them the

the handle or I could hand them the

the handle or I could hand them the blade now we all know the right thing to

blade now we all know the right thing to

blade now we all know the right thing to do but here our interactions with others

do but here our interactions with others

do but here our interactions with others often mean that we are handing them to

often mean that we are handing them to

often mean that we are handing them to bleed and our interactions with ourself

bleed and our interactions with ourself

bleed and our interactions with ourself we’re often handy ourselves to bleed

we’re often handy ourselves to bleed

we’re often handy ourselves to bleed we’re heartful totters hurtful to

we’re heartful totters hurtful to

we’re heartful totters hurtful to ourselves some people think this works

ourselves some people think this works

ourselves some people think this works and I guess a little bit of it does but

and I guess a little bit of it does but

and I guess a little bit of it does but we’re trying to move away from that

we’re trying to move away from that

we’re trying to move away from that notion towards a more enlightened view

notion towards a more enlightened view

notion towards a more enlightened view that we have alternatives we could

that we have alternatives we could

that we have alternatives we could listen to somebody to motivate them we

listen to somebody to motivate them we

listen to somebody to motivate them we could ask them what they enjoy we could

could ask them what they enjoy we could

could ask them what they enjoy we could ask them what it is they need and how

ask them what it is they need and how

ask them what it is they need and how they need at under way in which they

they need at under way in which they

they need at under way in which they need it we could provide a supportive

need it we could provide a supportive

need it we could provide a supportive environment no that’s not be for me to

environment no that’s not be for me to

environment no that’s not be for me to stand up here and say this but in the

stand up here and say this but in the

stand up here and say this but in the world of professional sport or in

world of professional sport or in

world of professional sport or in education or in business it doesn’t go

education or in business it doesn’t go

education or in business it doesn’t go down so well because it takes a lot of

down so well because it takes a lot of

down so well because it takes a lot of time it takes a lot of endeavor

time it takes a lot of endeavor

time it takes a lot of endeavor and that notion of hard work seems like

and that notion of hard work seems like

and that notion of hard work seems like too much it’s much easier to shout at

too much it’s much easier to shout at

too much it’s much easier to shout at somebody or scream but the difficulty

somebody or scream but the difficulty

somebody or scream but the difficulty with that is that the emotional bomb

with that is that the emotional bomb

with that is that the emotional bomb we’re all looking for we rarely get that

we’re all looking for we rarely get that

we’re all looking for we rarely get that we might be able to get in other ways to

we might be able to get in other ways to

we might be able to get in other ways to maybe tranquilizing our emotions to

maybe tranquilizing our emotions to

maybe tranquilizing our emotions to maybe alcohol or food or whatever we can

maybe alcohol or food or whatever we can

maybe alcohol or food or whatever we can but we never really get to the root of

but we never really get to the root of

but we never really get to the root of what’s going on and recently a golf

what’s going on and recently a golf

what’s going on and recently a golf coach asks me well I suppose a few years

coach asks me well I suppose a few years

coach asks me well I suppose a few years ago now asked me if I would see one of

ago now asked me if I would see one of

ago now asked me if I would see one of his players and he said he’s a great guy

his players and he said he’s a great guy

his players and he said he’s a great guy but he’s so negative in fact he’s so

but he’s so negative in fact he’s so

but he’s so negative in fact he’s so negative the court said that he loses

negative the court said that he loses

negative the court said that he loses mobile phone reception and he’s working

mobile phone reception and he’s working

mobile phone reception and he’s working with him this is interesting so he said

with him this is interesting so he said

with him this is interesting so he said I’d like you to see what you could do so

I’d like you to see what you could do so

I’d like you to see what you could do so when I met him things weren’t going so

when I met him things weren’t going so

when I met him things weren’t going so well and he said that he had made so

well and he said that he had made so

well and he said that he had made so little on tour this year that money

little on tour this year that money

little on tour this year that money thought he was dead and he was really

thought he was dead and he was really

thought he was dead and he was really looking for a helping hand here so I

looking for a helping hand here so I

looking for a helping hand here so I said well let’s see where we can go when

said well let’s see where we can go when

said well let’s see where we can go when we started talking it became clear that

we started talking it became clear that

we started talking it became clear that his interpretation of the world his way

his interpretation of the world his way

his interpretation of the world his way of making sense of it was that he was a

of making sense of it was that he was a

of making sense of it was that he was a victim fair enough but more than that

victim fair enough but more than that

victim fair enough but more than that the way he treated himself was a bit

the way he treated himself was a bit

the way he treated himself was a bit like that knife the blade went in a lot

like that knife the blade went in a lot

like that knife the blade went in a lot so what he did to the ball he stopped he

so what he did to the ball he stopped he

so what he did to the ball he stopped he thought was the coach’s domain but what

thought was the coach’s domain but what

thought was the coach’s domain but what the ball did to him was my domain

the ball did to him was my domain

the ball did to him was my domain how was I going to help him feel better

how was I going to help him feel better

how was I going to help him feel better about what was going on on off the golf

about what was going on on off the golf

about what was going on on off the golf course but after speaking for a little

course but after speaking for a little

course but after speaking for a little while we said the best way to begin here

while we said the best way to begin here

while we said the best way to begin here it’s a little bit of self-awareness

it’s a little bit of self-awareness

it’s a little bit of self-awareness getting to know yourself and because he

getting to know yourself and because he

getting to know yourself and because he was going back out into her I just

was going back out into her I just

was going back out into her I just suggested he might read a book for a

suggested he might read a book for a

suggested he might read a book for a little bit of enlightenment which he did

little bit of enlightenment which he did

little bit of enlightenment which he did and a notion within this book is trying

and a notion within this book is trying

and a notion within this book is trying to help us to see ourselves and nobody

to help us to see ourselves and nobody

to help us to see ourselves and nobody really wants to see ourselves because if

really wants to see ourselves because if

really wants to see ourselves because if anyone has read in Scott pecks book the

anyone has read in Scott pecks book the

anyone has read in Scott pecks book the road less traveled you might understand

road less traveled you might understand

road less traveled you might understand the very first line of this book says

the very first line of this book says

the very first line of this book says life is difficult and it’s a line all on

life is difficult and it’s a line all on

life is difficult and it’s a line all on its own a sentence all on its own and

its own a sentence all on its own and

its own a sentence all on its own and what it goes on to see is that if you

what it goes on to see is that if you

what it goes on to see is that if you accept that life is difficult

accept that life is difficult

accept that life is difficult life becomes easy because you never

life becomes easy because you never

life becomes easy because you never expect anything to be easy because you

expect anything to be easy because you

expect anything to be easy because you already accepted that life was difficult

already accepted that life was difficult

already accepted that life was difficult nice and easy so we’re trying to hold

nice and easy so we’re trying to hold

nice and easy so we’re trying to hold this notion in mind that if we accept

this notion in mind that if we accept

this notion in mind that if we accept that Golf is difficult or sport is

that Golf is difficult or sport is

that Golf is difficult or sport is difficult we very little to complain

difficult we very little to complain

difficult we very little to complain about and that’s wonderful for me within

about and that’s wonderful for me within

about and that’s wonderful for me within this book M Scott Peck spoke about this

this book M Scott Peck spoke about this

this book M Scott Peck spoke about this dilemma that he had he was working

dilemma that he had he was working

dilemma that he had he was working really hard working late and his

really hard working late and his

really hard working late and his colleagues were leaving early even

colleagues were leaving early even

colleagues were leaving early even though they had the same caseload but he

though they had the same caseload but he

though they had the same caseload but he was working because he was working down

was working because he was working down

was working because he was working down reproduce he was putting in a little bit

reproduce he was putting in a little bit

reproduce he was putting in a little bit more effort into the process so he went

more effort into the process so he went

more effort into the process so he went to see his line manager as line manager

to see his line manager as line manager

to see his line manager as line manager said to him you have a problem with your

said to him you have a problem with your

said to him you have a problem with your time and he goes I know I have I just

time and he goes I know I have I just

time and he goes I know I have I just told you

told you

told you I’m having to work much later can you

I’m having to work much later can you

I’m having to work much later can you alter my load for me so he he just left

alter my load for me so he he just left

alter my load for me so he he just left him he approached him again and asked

him he approached him again and asked

him he approached him again and asked him you know I told you about the

him you know I told you about the

him you know I told you about the problem I was having can you do

problem I was having can you do

problem I was having can you do something about it to which the reply

something about it to which the reply

something about it to which the reply came you have a problem with your time

came you have a problem with your time

came you have a problem with your time now impact left very angry with this and

now impact left very angry with this and

now impact left very angry with this and he was angry for about three months

he was angry for about three months

he was angry for about three months until he realized the lesson that his

until he realized the lesson that his

until he realized the lesson that his lying manager was trying to teach him he

lying manager was trying to teach him he

lying manager was trying to teach him he was trying to tell them that the way you

was trying to tell them that the way you

was trying to tell them that the way you live your life the way you set your

live your life the way you set your

live your life the way you set your standards they become the cause of your

standards they become the cause of your

standards they become the cause of your disappointment and anger later he chose

disappointment and anger later he chose

disappointment and anger later he chose to put in all the effort extra effort

to put in all the effort extra effort

to put in all the effort extra effort more than his colleagues yet he was

more than his colleagues yet he was

more than his colleagues yet he was angry at somebody else not himself it’s

angry at somebody else not himself it’s

angry at somebody else not himself it’s a strange situation but one which when

a strange situation but one which when

a strange situation but one which when we look at our own lives we realize that

we look at our own lives we realize that

we look at our own lives we realize that we have a sense of responsibility and

we have a sense of responsibility and

we have a sense of responsibility and accountability to be able to look after

accountability to be able to look after

accountability to be able to look after ourselves in the right way and once we

ourselves in the right way and once we

ourselves in the right way and once we have that sense of accountability and

have that sense of accountability and

have that sense of accountability and responsibility we start to drive our

responsibility we start to drive our

responsibility we start to drive our motivation in a direction in which we

motivation in a direction in which we

motivation in a direction in which we are willing to travel now if I said to

are willing to travel now if I said to

are willing to travel now if I said to you can you write a book object pop

you can you write a book object pop

you can you write a book object pop might you say I often ask my students

might you say I often ask my students

might you say I often ask my students and they say no and then I tell them

and they say no and then I tell them

and they say no and then I tell them about the diving bell and the butterfly

about the diving bell and the butterfly

about the diving bell and the butterfly a story about Jean Dominique Bobby who

a story about Jean Dominique Bobby who

a story about Jean Dominique Bobby who had locked-in syndrome and only had the

had locked-in syndrome and only had the

had locked-in syndrome and only had the use of his left eyelid and he brought a

use of his left eyelid and he brought a

use of his left eyelid and he brought a book I read it it’s a lovely book now if

book I read it it’s a lovely book now if

book I read it it’s a lovely book now if I provide that perspective you might say

I provide that perspective you might say

I provide that perspective you might say to yourself well

to yourself well

to yourself well he was able to write a book with his

he was able to write a book with his

he was able to write a book with his left eyelid how did he do it well

left eyelid how did he do it well

left eyelid how did he do it well there’s a specific way of doing that

there’s a specific way of doing that

there’s a specific way of doing that right most frequently-used that letters

right most frequently-used that letters

right most frequently-used that letters in the alphabet are presented first then

in the alphabet are presented first then

in the alphabet are presented first then you get somebody to help you and

you get somebody to help you and

you get somebody to help you and obviously that’s how the book but it’s a

obviously that’s how the book but it’s a

obviously that’s how the book but it’s a lot of blinking to say yes that’s the

lot of blinking to say yes that’s the

lot of blinking to say yes that’s the letter I’m looking for it was a

letter I’m looking for it was a

letter I’m looking for it was a difficult process the difficult process

difficult process the difficult process

difficult process the difficult process meant a lot of time but the principle

meant a lot of time but the principle

meant a lot of time but the principle behind it was that somebody could do

behind it was that somebody could do

behind it was that somebody could do something that ordinarily you might

something that ordinarily you might

something that ordinarily you might think was not possible not just because

think was not possible not just because

think was not possible not just because they’re spending time but because

they’re spending time but because

they’re spending time but because they’re investing in a process with

they’re investing in a process with

they’re investing in a process with values they believe in so being

values they believe in so being

values they believe in so being motivators really is following the

motivators really is following the

motivators really is following the values you hold for yourself I like

values you hold for yourself I like

values you hold for yourself I like books I like to read but this is a

books I like to read but this is a

books I like to read but this is a lovely one that you might read maybe

lovely one that you might read maybe

lovely one that you might read maybe sometime in the future it’s about a

sometime in the future it’s about a

sometime in the future it’s about a seagull called Jonathan Livingston

seagull called Jonathan Livingston

seagull called Jonathan Livingston Seagull he was no ordinary seagull he

Seagull he was no ordinary seagull he

Seagull he was no ordinary seagull he wanted to find out how fast he could fly

wanted to find out how fast he could fly

wanted to find out how fast he could fly how low he could fly but he wasn’t like

how low he could fly but he wasn’t like

how low he could fly but he wasn’t like other seagulls who just looked for food

other seagulls who just looked for food

other seagulls who just looked for food and and flow out after trawlers and then

and and flow out after trawlers and then

and and flow out after trawlers and then back to the shore he wanted to become

back to the shore he wanted to become

back to the shore he wanted to become faster and faster and faster and as you

faster and faster and faster and as you

faster and faster and faster and as you read and book the story shows him

read and book the story shows him

read and book the story shows him getting very very good at something

getting very very good at something

getting very very good at something DubLi as thought he could do but the

DubLi as thought he could do but the

DubLi as thought he could do but the flock didn’t like that he was really

flock didn’t like that he was really

flock didn’t like that he was really good at this they wanted him to be just

good at this they wanted him to be just

good at this they wanted him to be just like them but he wanted to be different

like them but he wanted to be different

like them but he wanted to be different he was motivated to change the maximize

he was motivated to change the maximize

he was motivated to change the maximize his potential and it saw him being

his potential and it saw him being

his potential and it saw him being excluded from the flock he went away and

excluded from the flock he went away and

excluded from the flock he went away and came back but he wasn’t allowed to join

came back but he wasn’t allowed to join

came back but he wasn’t allowed to join the flock but others within the flock

the flock but others within the flock

the flock but others within the flock thought I’d like to be able to do what

thought I’d like to be able to do what

thought I’d like to be able to do what he’s doing

he’s doing

he’s doing so they went to seek his help and they

so they went to seek his help and they

so they went to seek his help and they tried to learn from him and after a

tried to learn from him and after a

tried to learn from him and after a while they thought that everything he

while they thought that everything he

while they thought that everything he possessed was something extraordinary

possessed was something extraordinary

possessed was something extraordinary nothing that the seagulls themselves

nothing that the seagulls themselves

nothing that the seagulls themselves could have but what he was trying to

could have but what he was trying to

could have but what he was trying to explain to them was he got better at

explain to them was he got better at

explain to them was he got better at flying simply by investing time and

flying simply by investing time and

flying simply by investing time and effort and learning and fundamentally

effort and learning and fundamentally

effort and learning and fundamentally that’s all we’re ever trying to do we

that’s all we’re ever trying to do we

that’s all we’re ever trying to do we get better at what we do by investing

get better at what we do by investing

get better at what we do by investing time so we could solve most problems we

time so we could solve most problems we

time so we could solve most problems we have true effort strategy and health

have true effort strategy and health

have true effort strategy and health modders if you think about that that’s

modders if you think about that that’s

modders if you think about that that’s pretty good

pretty good

pretty good there’s a little bit more to it than

there’s a little bit more to it than

there’s a little bit more to it than that but that’s pretty helpful

that but that’s pretty helpful

that but that’s pretty helpful effort strategy and helpful mothers you

effort strategy and helpful mothers you

effort strategy and helpful mothers you can always put in effort you can always

can always put in effort you can always

can always put in effort you can always change your strategy and you can always

change your strategy and you can always

change your strategy and you can always get help from others lots of people come

get help from others lots of people come

get help from others lots of people come to see me and they say I’ve tried

to see me and they say I’ve tried

to see me and they say I’ve tried everything and I say everything ok maybe

everything and I say everything ok maybe

everything and I say everything ok maybe not everything

not everything

not everything ten things really ten ok maybe not 10

ten things really ten ok maybe not 10

ten things really ten ok maybe not 10 two things and Portland don’t work and

two things and Portland don’t work and

two things and Portland don’t work and usually that notion that they’ve tried

usually that notion that they’ve tried

usually that notion that they’ve tried everything isn’t true and even the

everything isn’t true and even the

everything isn’t true and even the everyday protein might be true either

everyday protein might be true either

everyday protein might be true either so as psychologists we’re trying to help

so as psychologists we’re trying to help

so as psychologists we’re trying to help people to value themselves first to make

people to value themselves first to make

people to value themselves first to make the change possible and then figure out

the change possible and then figure out

the change possible and then figure out what’s the right strategy working with

what’s the right strategy working with

what’s the right strategy working with the client towards their ends now when

the client towards their ends now when

the client towards their ends now when we look at ourselves we see ourselves as

we look at ourselves we see ourselves as

we look at ourselves we see ourselves as we were born and was we grew up there

we were born and was we grew up there

we were born and was we grew up there was you know a rarely childhood was the

was you know a rarely childhood was the

was you know a rarely childhood was the authentic self we just went around as we

authentic self we just went around as we

authentic self we just went around as we did our lives our youngest is two and

did our lives our youngest is two and

did our lives our youngest is two and she will happily run around with no

she will happily run around with no

she will happily run around with no nappy on happy happy happy

nappy on happy happy happy

nappy on happy happy happy and when she’s sad she cries and when

and when she’s sad she cries and when

and when she’s sad she cries and when she’s angry she throws things but as she

she’s angry she throws things but as she

she’s angry she throws things but as she gets older that authentic self changes a

gets older that authentic self changes a

gets older that authentic self changes a little bit because people tell her that

little bit because people tell her that

little bit because people tell her that you can’t do that and you need to do

you can’t do that and you need to do

you can’t do that and you need to do things that are well are the right

things that are well are the right

things that are well are the right things

things

things so she becomes an adapted child and she

so she becomes an adapted child and she

so she becomes an adapted child and she learns to do things that mommy and daddy

learns to do things that mommy and daddy

learns to do things that mommy and daddy think are the right things to do and

think are the right things to do and

think are the right things to do and after a while she realizes that as I am

after a while she realizes that as I am

after a while she realizes that as I am I’m unacceptable but if I do the right

I’m unacceptable but if I do the right

I’m unacceptable but if I do the right things I become acceptable and that

things I become acceptable and that

things I become acceptable and that works for us for most of her lives but

works for us for most of her lives but

works for us for most of her lives but at this stage of our lives we often

at this stage of our lives we often

at this stage of our lives we often think about what would I be like if I

think about what would I be like if I

think about what would I be like if I had the best parts of myself so if I was

had the best parts of myself so if I was

had the best parts of myself so if I was going to change my diet go to the gym

going to change my diet go to the gym

going to change my diet go to the gym eat fruit for breakfast drink water all

eat fruit for breakfast drink water all

eat fruit for breakfast drink water all day get up in the morning air early hit

day get up in the morning air early hit

day get up in the morning air early hit the gym all of these things that we

the gym all of these things that we

the gym all of these things that we promised ourselves and reluctantly can’t

promised ourselves and reluctantly can’t

promised ourselves and reluctantly can’t keep can’t follow through a bit like the

keep can’t follow through a bit like the

keep can’t follow through a bit like the new year’s resolution we want something

new year’s resolution we want something

new year’s resolution we want something but somehow either the effort or the

but somehow either the effort or the

but somehow either the effort or the strategy goes awry and part of the

strategy goes awry and part of the

strategy goes awry and part of the reason why the effort or strategy goes

reason why the effort or strategy goes

reason why the effort or strategy goes awry is because we’re looking for

awry is because we’re looking for

awry is because we’re looking for something but in the wrong place if I

something but in the wrong place if I

something but in the wrong place if I said just like we had spoken with the

said just like we had spoken with the

said just like we had spoken with the golfer that we were going to look for

golfer that we were going to look for

golfer that we were going to look for something that we are choosing not that

something that we are choosing not that

something that we are choosing not that what somebody else wants but something

what somebody else wants but something

what somebody else wants but something of our own choosing

of our own choosing

of our own choosing we would be much closer to finding what

we would be much closer to finding what

we would be much closer to finding what we are looking for so when somebody

we are looking for so when somebody

we are looking for so when somebody comes to see a psychologist

comes to see a psychologist

comes to see a psychologist we’re firstly working on their awareness

we’re firstly working on their awareness

we’re firstly working on their awareness getting to know themselves and all they

getting to know themselves and all they

getting to know themselves and all they want really is the opportunity to get to

want really is the opportunity to get to

want really is the opportunity to get to know themselves they’re scared by it but

know themselves they’re scared by it but

know themselves they’re scared by it but the in the end value of the opportunity

the in the end value of the opportunity

the in the end value of the opportunity and there’s a lovely quote by TS Eliot

and there’s a lovely quote by TS Eliot

and there’s a lovely quote by TS Eliot that says footfalls echo in the memory

that says footfalls echo in the memory

that says footfalls echo in the memory down the passage we did not take towards

down the passage we did not take towards

down the passage we did not take towards the door we never opened and it is about

the door we never opened and it is about

the door we never opened and it is about regrets of all regrets of tongue and pen

regrets of all regrets of tongue and pen

regrets of all regrets of tongue and pen the saddest are DS what might have been

the saddest are DS what might have been

the saddest are DS what might have been and that quote helps us to see a world

and that quote helps us to see a world

and that quote helps us to see a world of future a future if we travel down a

of future a future if we travel down a

of future a future if we travel down a particular route we don’t know what

particular route we don’t know what

particular route we don’t know what other rolls are going to be like but

other rolls are going to be like but

other rolls are going to be like but we’re going down there in an enlightened

we’re going down there in an enlightened

we’re going down there in an enlightened way we’ve taken a look at ourselves we

way we’ve taken a look at ourselves we

way we’ve taken a look at ourselves we said change is possible and we’re

said change is possible and we’re

said change is possible and we’re seeking to go forward so before I go

seeking to go forward so before I go

seeking to go forward so before I go this notion of psychological fitness is

this notion of psychological fitness is

this notion of psychological fitness is available for everybody change is

available for everybody change is

available for everybody change is difficult but possible and we can always

difficult but possible and we can always

difficult but possible and we can always step lightly into the future for

step lightly into the future for

step lightly into the future for everything we need thank you very much