[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] good afternoon mmm
good afternoon mmm
good afternoon mmm I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 13
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 13
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 13 so my brain works a little bit
so my brain works a little bit
so my brain works a little bit differently than most of us so I would
differently than most of us so I would
differently than most of us so I would like to introduce you how my brain
like to introduce you how my brain
like to introduce you how my brain sometimes works every day you have a lot
sometimes works every day you have a lot
sometimes works every day you have a lot of thoughts you think whether you want a
of thoughts you think whether you want a
of thoughts you think whether you want a cup of coffee you think whether it is
cup of coffee you think whether it is
cup of coffee you think whether it is cold enough outside for you to wear
cold enough outside for you to wear
cold enough outside for you to wear gloves you think whether you turn the
gloves you think whether you turn the
gloves you think whether you turn the stove off how to make pancakes this
stove off how to make pancakes this
stove off how to make pancakes this morning and you think whether you love
morning and you think whether you love
morning and you think whether you love person X and then you think you’re
person X and then you think you’re
person X and then you think you’re feeling a little bit hungry so you
feeling a little bit hungry so you
feeling a little bit hungry so you decide that you grab some food so let’s
decide that you grab some food so let’s
decide that you grab some food so let’s say you’re at McDonald’s which is your
say you’re at McDonald’s which is your
say you’re at McDonald’s which is your favorite but then one of these weird
favorite but then one of these weird
favorite but then one of these weird thoughts passes through your minds what
thoughts passes through your minds what
thoughts passes through your minds what if my food is poisoned well that’s not
if my food is poisoned well that’s not
if my food is poisoned well that’s not completely irrational because years ago
completely irrational because years ago
completely irrational because years ago you worked at a restaurant unemployed
you worked at a restaurant unemployed
you worked at a restaurant unemployed spit into the food of a customer who
spit into the food of a customer who
spit into the food of a customer who complained that there was too much
complained that there was too much
complained that there was too much dressing in their food but then maybe
dressing in their food but then maybe
dressing in their food but then maybe this man this time didn’t even decide to
this man this time didn’t even decide to
this man this time didn’t even decide to spit into the food and said he cut his
spit into the food and said he cut his
spit into the food and said he cut his finger open and bled into it in which
finger open and bled into it in which
finger open and bled into it in which case you might get half see your God
case you might get half see your God
case you might get half see your God knows what else but what are you gonna
knows what else but what are you gonna
knows what else but what are you gonna do you can’t complain to the owner at
do you can’t complain to the owner at
do you can’t complain to the owner at this point that will only increase your
this point that will only increase your
this point that will only increase your chance of having blood or spit in your
chance of having blood or spit in your
chance of having blood or spit in your food and then you hit the pause button
food and then you hit the pause button
food and then you hit the pause button at this point man you’re having a
at this point man you’re having a
at this point man you’re having a thought spiral there’s almost certainly
thought spiral there’s almost certainly
thought spiral there’s almost certainly neither blood nor spit in your food
neither blood nor spit in your food
neither blood nor spit in your food which was made to you by xiah thoughtful
which was made to you by xiah thoughtful
which was made to you by xiah thoughtful and kind people and then there’s a
and kind people and then there’s a
and kind people and then there’s a finally there’s finally some sense of
finally there’s finally some sense of
finally there’s finally some sense of relief in the room and then you let
relief in the room and then you let
relief in the room and then you let outside until you circle back to the
outside until you circle back to the
outside until you circle back to the words almost certainly because reality
words almost certainly because reality
words almost certainly because reality there is there could be a blood a drop
there is there could be a blood a drop
there is there could be a blood a drop of blood in your food that will give you
of blood in your food that will give you
of blood in your food that will give you a chronic illness and then you try to
a chronic illness and then you try to
a chronic illness and then you try to stop yourself again by thinking that man
stop yourself again by thinking that man
stop yourself again by thinking that man what you’re thinking is completely
what you’re thinking is completely
what you’re thinking is completely unreasonable but then you say well but
unreasonable but then you say well but
unreasonable but then you say well but because really it isn’t completely
because really it isn’t completely
because really it isn’t completely unreasonable and then you try to comfort
unreasonable and then you try to comfort
unreasonable and then you try to comfort yourself and you say well but and then
yourself and you say well but and then
yourself and you say well but and then you try to comfort yourself and you say
you try to comfort yourself and you say
you try to comfort yourself and you say well but
well but
well but and then you try to cover it yourself
and then you try to cover it yourself
and then you try to cover it yourself and you say well but until you’re
and you say well but until you’re
and you say well but until you’re sweating shaking mess unable to control
sweating shaking mess unable to control
sweating shaking mess unable to control your thoughts also you never got to eat
your thoughts also you never got to eat
your thoughts also you never got to eat that quarter pound and cheese I ruminate
that quarter pound and cheese I ruminate
that quarter pound and cheese I ruminate i ruminate over think and worry about
i ruminate over think and worry about
i ruminate over think and worry about things I cannot control this causes
things I cannot control this causes
things I cannot control this causes anxiety and obviously some depression as
anxiety and obviously some depression as
anxiety and obviously some depression as well and to remedy this anxiety I form
well and to remedy this anxiety I form
well and to remedy this anxiety I form these habits routines and tics ever
these habits routines and tics ever
these habits routines and tics ever since I was in middle school I realized
since I was in middle school I realized
since I was in middle school I realized that I was suffering through these
that I was suffering through these
that I was suffering through these thought spirals which led me to seek
thought spirals which led me to seek
thought spirals which led me to seek some medical help which was when I was
some medical help which was when I was
some medical help which was when I was officially diagnosed with OCD obsessive
officially diagnosed with OCD obsessive
officially diagnosed with OCD obsessive compulsive disorder well living with OCD
compulsive disorder well living with OCD
compulsive disorder well living with OCD is not always very easy it’s actually
is not always very easy it’s actually
is not always very easy it’s actually quite scary to fight against the
quite scary to fight against the
quite scary to fight against the stereotypes of this disease many people
stereotypes of this disease many people
stereotypes of this disease many people seem to believe that OCD is just about
seem to believe that OCD is just about
seem to believe that OCD is just about obsession over neatness or organ the
obsession over neatness or organ the
obsession over neatness or organ the organization of one’s surroundings and
organization of one’s surroundings and
organization of one’s surroundings and many people actually make fun of this
many people actually make fun of this
many people actually make fun of this disease whenever they find themselves
disease whenever they find themselves
disease whenever they find themselves obsessing over neatness a little bit oh
obsessing over neatness a little bit oh
obsessing over neatness a little bit oh I’m so OCD they’ll say as they cringe
I’m so OCD they’ll say as they cringe
I’m so OCD they’ll say as they cringe over a tile that is a little bit of skew
over a tile that is a little bit of skew
over a tile that is a little bit of skew but that’s that’s just absurd that’s
but that’s that’s just absurd that’s
but that’s that’s just absurd that’s like me saying when I cough a little oh
like me saying when I cough a little oh
like me saying when I cough a little oh I’m so bTW I mean brain tumor huh what a
I’m so bTW I mean brain tumor huh what a
I’m so bTW I mean brain tumor huh what a thing to make fun of but 18.1 percent of
thing to make fun of but 18.1 percent of
thing to make fun of but 18.1 percent of the entire world’s population suffer
the entire world’s population suffer
the entire world’s population suffer with some symptoms of OCD according to
with some symptoms of OCD according to
with some symptoms of OCD according to the World Health Organization so what is
the World Health Organization so what is
the World Health Organization so what is a common disease that just deserves more
a common disease that just deserves more
a common disease that just deserves more care and attention to its patients
care and attention to its patients
care and attention to its patients I sure your CDs not just about obsession
I sure your CDs not just about obsession
I sure your CDs not just about obsession over cleanliness but and the thought
over cleanliness but and the thought
over cleanliness but and the thought spirals from OCD can be extremely
spirals from OCD can be extremely
spirals from OCD can be extremely exhausting and they’re powerful enough
exhausting and they’re powerful enough
exhausting and they’re powerful enough to obliterate your ability to do
to obliterate your ability to do
to obliterate your ability to do literally anything else however in my
literally anything else however in my
literally anything else however in my struggles I found that I can gamify my
struggles I found that I can gamify my
struggles I found that I can gamify my obsessions into something enjoyable if I
obsessions into something enjoyable if I
obsessions into something enjoyable if I focus on my passions a lesson I learned
focus on my passions a lesson I learned
focus on my passions a lesson I learned in my theater community
in my theater community
in my theater community I realized that I was interested in
I realized that I was interested in
I realized that I was interested in acting but the thought of me seeing
acting but the thought of me seeing
acting but the thought of me seeing myself perform on the stage that means
myself perform on the stage that means
myself perform on the stage that means one of the worst thoughts BIOS danger
one of the worst thoughts BIOS danger
one of the worst thoughts BIOS danger what if I forget all the lines for the
what if I forget all the lines for the
what if I forget all the lines for the performance that everyone has worked
performance that everyone has worked
performance that everyone has worked their butts off for well you should
their butts off for well you should
their butts off for well you should practice to avoid such disaster well but
practice to avoid such disaster well but
practice to avoid such disaster well but what if I have basketball practice that
what if I have basketball practice that
what if I have basketball practice that day I can’t practice my lines well but
day I can’t practice my lines well but
day I can’t practice my lines well but you should still practice you’re
you should still practice you’re
you should still practice you’re committed to the play well but what if I
committed to the play well but what if I
committed to the play well but what if I just can’t well but well but well but
just can’t well but well but well but
just can’t well but well but well but well but well bud well bud well buds
well but well bud well bud well buds
well but well bud well bud well buds sounds overdramatic right but that’s
sounds overdramatic right but that’s
sounds overdramatic right but that’s just my constant reality but it turns
just my constant reality but it turns
just my constant reality but it turns out that our theater community is not
out that our theater community is not
out that our theater community is not where people laugh at your mistakes but
where people laugh at your mistakes but
where people laugh at your mistakes but where people see your mistakes as signs
where people see your mistakes as signs
where people see your mistakes as signs of growth so instead of being scared I
of growth so instead of being scared I
of growth so instead of being scared I started to fall in love of theater and
started to fall in love of theater and
started to fall in love of theater and that led me to thinking what else am i
that led me to thinking what else am i
that led me to thinking what else am i passionate about and how can i pair that
passionate about and how can i pair that
passionate about and how can i pair that with my spirals for the better I
with my spirals for the better I
with my spirals for the better I realized that I was interested in
realized that I was interested in
realized that I was interested in creative writing writing provides me
creative writing writing provides me
creative writing writing provides me with tremendous consolation because it
with tremendous consolation because it
with tremendous consolation because it reminds me that I’m not the only one in
reminds me that I’m not the only one in
reminds me that I’m not the only one in this world suffering with this intense
this world suffering with this intense
this world suffering with this intense mental pain but when I brought the
mental pain but when I brought the
mental pain but when I brought the drafts of short stories I was working on
drafts of short stories I was working on
drafts of short stories I was working on to my journalism teacher at first I was
to my journalism teacher at first I was
to my journalism teacher at first I was really terrified of the idea that I was
really terrified of the idea that I was
really terrified of the idea that I was sharing such personal work with another
sharing such personal work with another
sharing such personal work with another person for instance when I was working
person for instance when I was working
person for instance when I was working in a tavella titled a January storm I
in a tavella titled a January storm I
in a tavella titled a January storm I wanted to try to find a form and
wanted to try to find a form and
wanted to try to find a form and expression for this deeply personal
expression for this deeply personal
expression for this deeply personal experiences of living in thought spirals
experiences of living in thought spirals
experiences of living in thought spirals one of the characters in my novella
one of the characters in my novella
one of the characters in my novella describes her experiences with the
describes her experiences with the
describes her experiences with the spirals like this it feels as though a
spirals like this it feels as though a
spirals like this it feels as though a part of myself has detached and gone to
part of myself has detached and gone to
part of myself has detached and gone to Amsterdam it’s like looking through a
Amsterdam it’s like looking through a
Amsterdam it’s like looking through a magnifying glass that only picks up
magnifying glass that only picks up
magnifying glass that only picks up under potentially dangerous harmful and
under potentially dangerous harmful and
under potentially dangerous harmful and scary yeah it was quite scary to reveal
scary yeah it was quite scary to reveal
scary yeah it was quite scary to reveal my own personal struggles through
my own personal struggles through
my own personal struggles through writing but it also felt quite
writing but it also felt quite
writing but it also felt quite liberating at the same time but luckily
liberating at the same time but luckily
liberating at the same time but luckily my journalism teacher not only
my journalism teacher not only
my journalism teacher not only understood how personal these stories
understood how personal these stories
understood how personal these stories were for me but also encouraged me to
were for me but also encouraged me to
were for me but also encouraged me to continue with this passionate she spent
continue with this passionate she spent
continue with this passionate she spent so much of her time reading my stories
so much of her time reading my stories
so much of her time reading my stories and ultimately encouraged me to publish
and ultimately encouraged me to publish
and ultimately encouraged me to publish these stories and now thanks and credits
these stories and now thanks and credits
these stories and now thanks and credits to her many much
to her many much
to her many much stories are published yes OCD can’t mean
stories are published yes OCD can’t mean
stories are published yes OCD can’t mean washing your hands until they bleed yes
washing your hands until they bleed yes
washing your hands until they bleed yes oh listen you can’t mean being late to
oh listen you can’t mean being late to
oh listen you can’t mean being late to school because you weren’t able to
school because you weren’t able to
school because you weren’t able to perform your daily routines in the right
perform your daily routines in the right
perform your daily routines in the right way yes OCD can mean you going into a
way yes OCD can mean you going into a
way yes OCD can mean you going into a panic mode because you weren’t able to
panic mode because you weren’t able to
panic mode because you weren’t able to just unleash your compulsions but really
just unleash your compulsions but really
just unleash your compulsions but really what I learned is that when you focus
what I learned is that when you focus
what I learned is that when you focus your compulsions for good like how I was
your compulsions for good like how I was
your compulsions for good like how I was absolutely obsessed with the process of
absolutely obsessed with the process of
absolutely obsessed with the process of developing my passions it may not be
developing my passions it may not be
developing my passions it may not be always bad painful
the thing about spirals is that when you
the thing about spirals is that when you followed inward it never actually ends
followed inward it never actually ends
followed inward it never actually ends it continues to tighten and tighten
it continues to tighten and tighten
it continues to tighten and tighten infinitely but when you follow your
infinitely but when you follow your
infinitely but when you follow your passions your perspective widens and
passions your perspective widens and
passions your perspective widens and then you get to follow the spiral
then you get to follow the spiral
then you get to follow the spiral outwards away from the tight burdens of
outwards away from the tight burdens of
outwards away from the tight burdens of thoughts and into the places state of
thoughts and into the places state of
thoughts and into the places state of confidence and that’s how I learned to
confidence and that’s how I learned to
confidence and that’s how I learned to approach my OCD I’m a 17 year old and I
approach my OCD I’m a 17 year old and I
approach my OCD I’m a 17 year old and I love acting I love theater and I love
love acting I love theater and I love
love acting I love theater and I love writing but I also happen to have OCD
writing but I also happen to have OCD
writing but I also happen to have OCD so I like to ask you do you have a 70
so I like to ask you do you have a 70
so I like to ask you do you have a 70 year old in your life then please
year old in your life then please
year old in your life then please encourage our passions of course this
encourage our passions of course this
encourage our passions of course this isn’t the entire picture of OCD did OCD
isn’t the entire picture of OCD did OCD
isn’t the entire picture of OCD did OCD that I just presented to you but really
that I just presented to you but really
that I just presented to you but really without the adults in my life my theatre
without the adults in my life my theatre
without the adults in my life my theatre teacher my journalism teacher I wouldn’t
teacher my journalism teacher I wouldn’t
teacher my journalism teacher I wouldn’t have had a place for my spirals to go so
have had a place for my spirals to go so
have had a place for my spirals to go so please greet our obsessiveness with open
please greet our obsessiveness with open
please greet our obsessiveness with open arms please as adults and teachers in
arms please as adults and teachers in
arms please as adults and teachers in our lives help us see past our
our lives help us see past our
our lives help us see past our obsessions and help us find within it
obsessions and help us find within it
obsessions and help us find within it our passions because when our quirkiness
our passions because when our quirkiness
our passions because when our quirkiness is celebrated we’re no longer scared to
is celebrated we’re no longer scared to
is celebrated we’re no longer scared to be ourselves and that’s when our
be ourselves and that’s when our
be ourselves and that’s when our diversity starts to make a difference
diversity starts to make a difference
diversity starts to make a difference thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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