so I got myself into a bit of a panic preparing for this talk and I had a talk
preparing for this talk and I had a talk
preparing for this talk and I had a talk half written for you I had slides
half written for you I had slides
half written for you I had slides created and I worked myself up into such
created and I worked myself up into such
created and I worked myself up into such a fit of nerves and it was only two days
a fit of nerves and it was only two days
a fit of nerves and it was only two days ago that I realized what was happening
ago that I realized what was happening
ago that I realized what was happening and interestingly enough it’s related to
and interestingly enough it’s related to
and interestingly enough it’s related to the exact thing that I’m talking about
the exact thing that I’m talking about
the exact thing that I’m talking about which is sex essentially I started
which is sex essentially I started
which is sex essentially I started having performance anxiety I mean
having performance anxiety I mean
having performance anxiety I mean actually and what I realized two days
actually and what I realized two days
actually and what I realized two days ago was that if I tried to go through
ago was that if I tried to go through
ago was that if I tried to go through with the half written script that I had
with the half written script that I had
with the half written script that I had prepared for you and the slides and the
prepared for you and the slides and the
prepared for you and the slides and the shiny presentation around this
shiny presentation around this
shiny presentation around this particular subject I would be
particular subject I would be
particular subject I would be perpetuating something in our
perpetuating something in our
perpetuating something in our relationship with sex
relationship with sex
relationship with sex that is the very problem that I want to
that is the very problem that I want to
that is the very problem that I want to speak to so I am standing here a little
speak to so I am standing here a little
speak to so I am standing here a little shaky and free vulnerable without a plan
shaky and free vulnerable without a plan
shaky and free vulnerable without a plan and without a script and anytime I talk
and without a script and anytime I talk
and without a script and anytime I talk about sex I understand that there is no
about sex I understand that there is no
about sex I understand that there is no way for me to write a talk about that I
way for me to write a talk about that I
way for me to write a talk about that I talk about sex almost more than I talk
talk about sex almost more than I talk
talk about sex almost more than I talk about anything in my life it’s what I do
about anything in my life it’s what I do
about anything in my life it’s what I do for a living and it’s never the same
for a living and it’s never the same
for a living and it’s never the same talk and neither is sex is never the
talk and neither is sex is never the
talk and neither is sex is never the same experience so we are gonna find our
same experience so we are gonna find our
same experience so we are gonna find our way through this talk together I have no
way through this talk together I have no
way through this talk together I have no idea what’s going to come out of my
idea what’s going to come out of my
idea what’s going to come out of my mouth but in order to give this talk I
mouth but in order to give this talk I
mouth but in order to give this talk I knew that I had to see your faces and
knew that I had to see your faces and
knew that I had to see your faces and stand in front of you that I couldn’t
stand in front of you that I couldn’t
stand in front of you that I couldn’t give a talk to a generic room or a blank
give a talk to a generic room or a blank
give a talk to a generic room or a blank wall or people as if I was practicing
wall or people as if I was practicing
wall or people as if I was practicing because that’s not actually what’s
because that’s not actually what’s
because that’s not actually what’s needed and that wasn’t gonna draw out of
needed and that wasn’t gonna draw out of
needed and that wasn’t gonna draw out of me what I needed to say and what was
me what I needed to say and what was
me what I needed to say and what was needed to be heard so here we are in the
needed to be heard so here we are in the
needed to be heard so here we are in the moment of intimacy
moment of intimacy
moment of intimacy vulnerability in that I want to talk to
vulnerability in that I want to talk to
vulnerability in that I want to talk to you today about the issue of sexual
you today about the issue of sexual
you today about the issue of sexual assault and the crisis were facing on
assault and the crisis were facing on
assault and the crisis were facing on our college campuses around sexual
our college campuses around sexual
our college campuses around sexual assault and carve a road so that we
assault and carve a road so that we
assault and carve a road so that we understand that that is a crisis that
understand that that is a crisis that
understand that that is a crisis that has a lot to do with us
has a lot to do with us
has a lot to do with us sitting in this room that that is not
sitting in this room that that is not
sitting in this room that that is not something that’s just happening over
something that’s just happening over
something that’s just happening over there but that it’s actually something
there but that it’s actually something
there but that it’s actually something happening here and it’s something that
happening here and it’s something that
happening here and it’s something that matters to all of us because at the end
matters to all of us because at the end
matters to all of us because at the end of the day we are all standing inside of
of the day we are all standing inside of
of the day we are all standing inside of the bodies that we are living in and it
the bodies that we are living in and it
the bodies that we are living in and it is these bodies that engage in sex so I
is these bodies that engage in sex so I
is these bodies that engage in sex so I want to invite you right now as you sit
want to invite you right now as you sit
want to invite you right now as you sit in this room to just take a second and
in this room to just take a second and
in this room to just take a second and stop and feel your body I have an idea
stop and feel your body I have an idea
stop and feel your body I have an idea to share with you but more than an idea
to share with you but more than an idea
to share with you but more than an idea what I want is for you to feel something
what I want is for you to feel something
what I want is for you to feel something in your body because that’s where sex
in your body because that’s where sex
in your body because that’s where sex happens is in these extraordinary bodies
happens is in these extraordinary bodies
happens is in these extraordinary bodies that we live in with everything that’s
that we live in with everything that’s
that we live in with everything that’s happening in them I also had like a
happening in them I also had like a
happening in them I also had like a moment of personal crisis backstage as
moment of personal crisis backstage as
moment of personal crisis backstage as I’m getting ready to do this which is
I’m getting ready to do this which is
I’m getting ready to do this which is like what shoes do I wear I did my
like what shoes do I wear I did my
like what shoes do I wear I did my makeup I started having an allergic
makeup I started having an allergic
makeup I started having an allergic reaction take my makeup off my bra
reaction take my makeup off my bra
reaction take my makeup off my bra straps are falling out how do I keep my
straps are falling out how do I keep my
straps are falling out how do I keep my bra straps in I forgot my thing at the
bra straps in I forgot my thing at the
bra straps in I forgot my thing at the hotel that does that you know that we
hotel that does that you know that we
hotel that does that you know that we have this idea when it comes to sex that
have this idea when it comes to sex that
have this idea when it comes to sex that we can’t actually just be who we are
we can’t actually just be who we are
we can’t actually just be who we are which is very very human two years ago I
which is very very human two years ago I
which is very very human two years ago I need a little sip of water someone
need a little sip of water someone
need a little sip of water someone already drank out of this how do you
already drank out of this how do you
already drank out of this how do you know that
know that
know that there’s like seven bottles up here thank
there’s like seven bottles up here thank
there’s like seven bottles up here thank you
see we need each other we so need each
see we need each other we so need each other so two years ago almost exactly to
other so two years ago almost exactly to
other so two years ago almost exactly to this day I was invited to campus to give
this day I was invited to campus to give
this day I was invited to campus to give a lecture about sex on a campus in
a lecture about sex on a campus in
a lecture about sex on a campus in Colorado because that’s what I do for a
Colorado because that’s what I do for a
Colorado because that’s what I do for a living I give the sex education that I
living I give the sex education that I
living I give the sex education that I never got and you likely didn’t either
never got and you likely didn’t either
never got and you likely didn’t either and when I got to this campus I was very
and when I got to this campus I was very
and when I got to this campus I was very very touched by the experience I had of
very touched by the experience I had of
very touched by the experience I had of students after this lecture who came to
students after this lecture who came to
students after this lecture who came to me to tell me stories about their sexual
me to tell me stories about their sexual
me to tell me stories about their sexual experience and there was one woman in
experience and there was one woman in
experience and there was one woman in particular who came to tell me a story
particular who came to tell me a story
particular who came to tell me a story and I didn’t realize that her story
and I didn’t realize that her story
and I didn’t realize that her story three days ago would become my teacher
three days ago would become my teacher
three days ago would become my teacher for how I needed to show up at this talk
for how I needed to show up at this talk
for how I needed to show up at this talk and what she came up to me and she said
and what she came up to me and she said
and what she came up to me and she said was she said every time I get close to
was she said every time I get close to
was she said every time I get close to having sex I freaked out I get nervous I
having sex I freaked out I get nervous I
having sex I freaked out I get nervous I get anxious I start shaking I don’t know
get anxious I start shaking I don’t know
get anxious I start shaking I don’t know what to do how do I make my anxiety go
what to do how do I make my anxiety go
what to do how do I make my anxiety go away there’s this guy see and were
away there’s this guy see and were
away there’s this guy see and were texting we’re texting back and forth and
texting we’re texting back and forth and
texting we’re texting back and forth and we’ve never really met we haven’t really
we’ve never really met we haven’t really
we’ve never really met we haven’t really spoken but I think it’s gonna happen and
spoken but I think it’s gonna happen and
spoken but I think it’s gonna happen and I said I what do you think is gonna
I said I what do you think is gonna
I said I what do you think is gonna happen and she said I think we’re about
happen and she said I think we’re about
happen and she said I think we’re about to have sex I think we’re gonna have sex
to have sex I think we’re gonna have sex
to have sex I think we’re gonna have sex tomorrow and she I mean it sounds like
tomorrow and she I mean it sounds like
tomorrow and she I mean it sounds like anecdotal as I’m saying it but she was
anecdotal as I’m saying it but she was
anecdotal as I’m saying it but she was in so much pain she was frozen in her
in so much pain she was frozen in her
in so much pain she was frozen in her anxiety about this encounter and I
anxiety about this encounter and I
anxiety about this encounter and I looked at her and I said did you ever
looked at her and I said did you ever
looked at her and I said did you ever wonder if your anxiety wasn’t a problem
wonder if your anxiety wasn’t a problem
wonder if your anxiety wasn’t a problem if your anxiety was actually trying to
if your anxiety was actually trying to
if your anxiety was actually trying to tell you something that was important
tell you something that was important
tell you something that was important for you to listen to they may be moving
for you to listen to they may be moving
for you to listen to they may be moving from texting to sex with someone you
from texting to sex with someone you
from texting to sex with someone you essentially never met wasn’t the right
essentially never met wasn’t the right
essentially never met wasn’t the right thing wasn’t exactly like what came next
thing wasn’t exactly like what came next
thing wasn’t exactly like what came next in the equation and she broke down and
in the equation and she broke down and
in the equation and she broke down and she started crying and she said no one
she started crying and she said no one
she started crying and she said no one has ever in my life told me that I could
has ever in my life told me that I could
has ever in my life told me that I could trust myself that I could trust my body
trust myself that I could trust my body
trust myself that I could trust my body or that I could trust my emotions ever
or that I could trust my emotions ever
or that I could trust my emotions ever and this is a girl that’s walking around
and this is a girl that’s walking around
and this is a girl that’s walking around every single day feeling paralyzed and a
every single day feeling paralyzed and a
every single day feeling paralyzed and a tape running in her mind of how do I
tape running in her mind of how do I
tape running in her mind of how do I just get my anxiety to go away when her
just get my anxiety to go away when her
just get my anxiety to go away when her anxiety is the best thing she’s got
anxiety is the best thing she’s got
anxiety is the best thing she’s got going for her that’s trying to give her
going for her that’s trying to give her
going for her that’s trying to give her information about what wants to happen
so I wanted to find out what was
so I wanted to find out what was happening on campuses across the country
happening on campuses across the country
happening on campuses across the country and I decided to go to schools all
and I decided to go to schools all
and I decided to go to schools all around the country and speak to as many
around the country and speak to as many
around the country and speak to as many colleges as I could and I learned
colleges as I could and I learned
colleges as I could and I learned something really surprising which was
something really surprising which was
something really surprising which was that we were having a very important
that we were having a very important
that we were having a very important conversation about sex on campus about
conversation about sex on campus about
conversation about sex on campus about trying to solve the issues of the sexual
trying to solve the issues of the sexual
trying to solve the issues of the sexual culture on campus but no one was talking
culture on campus but no one was talking
culture on campus but no one was talking about sex what we were talking about was
about sex what we were talking about was
about sex what we were talking about was policy and handbooks and reporting
policy and handbooks and reporting
policy and handbooks and reporting procedures and consent language and
procedures and consent language and
procedures and consent language and freshman orientation and at the end of
freshman orientation and at the end of
freshman orientation and at the end of the day these didn’t translate to
the day these didn’t translate to
the day these didn’t translate to students naked in a bedroom with all
students naked in a bedroom with all
students naked in a bedroom with all their vulnerability and their emotions
their vulnerability and their emotions
their vulnerability and their emotions and their bodies and their desire and
and their bodies and their desire and
and their bodies and their desire and their questions and insecurities it
their questions and insecurities it
their questions and insecurities it didn’t mean anything to them the big
didn’t mean anything to them the big
didn’t mean anything to them the big word right now in sex education
word right now in sex education
word right now in sex education especially on college campuses is a
especially on college campuses is a
especially on college campuses is a consent and this is very important
consent and this is very important
consent and this is very important concept so consent is essentially the
concept so consent is essentially the
concept so consent is essentially the agreement to engage in sexual activity
agreement to engage in sexual activity
agreement to engage in sexual activity all the way through that sexuality all
all the way through that sexuality all
all the way through that sexuality all the way through that sexual exchange but
the way through that sexual exchange but
the way through that sexual exchange but what it doesn’t talk about is where we
what it doesn’t talk about is where we
what it doesn’t talk about is where we actually begin to understand consent
actually begin to understand consent
actually begin to understand consent which is in the body this is where we
which is in the body this is where we
which is in the body this is where we get our yes and our no and that
get our yes and our no and that
get our yes and our no and that ultimately teaching about consent and
ultimately teaching about consent and
ultimately teaching about consent and stopping there without any conversation
stopping there without any conversation
stopping there without any conversation about what actually is happening in the
about what actually is happening in the
about what actually is happening in the sexual realm was like handing a pair of
sexual realm was like handing a pair of
sexual realm was like handing a pair of goggles to someone who doesn’t know how
goggles to someone who doesn’t know how
goggles to someone who doesn’t know how to swim and saying here’s a pair of
to swim and saying here’s a pair of
to swim and saying here’s a pair of goggles have a good time enjoy the ocean
goggles have a good time enjoy the ocean
goggles have a good time enjoy the ocean waters warm and they’re thinking I don’t
waters warm and they’re thinking I don’t
waters warm and they’re thinking I don’t even know how to swim what is in the
even know how to swim what is in the
even know how to swim what is in the ocean what is sex that we have this
ocean what is sex that we have this
ocean what is sex that we have this paradigm set up that we are working
paradigm set up that we are working
paradigm set up that we are working against sexual assault
against sexual assault
against sexual assault that we are fighting rape culture with
that we are fighting rape culture with
that we are fighting rape culture with legislation and with policy and all of
legislation and with policy and all of
legislation and with policy and all of those are essential but what we’re not
those are essential but what we’re not
those are essential but what we’re not doing is offering a paradigm for
doing is offering a paradigm for
doing is offering a paradigm for students to understand the possibility
students to understand the possibility
students to understand the possibility of what sex actually can be and they are
of what sex actually can be and they are
of what sex actually can be and they are lost they are falling through the cracks
lost they are falling through the cracks
lost they are falling through the cracks and what they come to encounter when
and what they come to encounter when
and what they come to encounter when they’re in a room is their vulnerability
they’re in a room is their vulnerability
they’re in a room is their vulnerability and their insecurities and their
and their insecurities and their
and their insecurities and their questions and their bodies as they are
questions and their bodies as they are
questions and their bodies as they are and if we’ve never given them a paradigm
and if we’ve never given them a paradigm
and if we’ve never given them a paradigm for sex that includes emotion that
for sex that includes emotion that
for sex that includes emotion that includes a connection to whatever the
includes a connection to whatever the
includes a connection to whatever the body is trying to tell us then when they
body is trying to tell us then when they
body is trying to tell us then when they get there that you begin to think there
get there that you begin to think there
get there that you begin to think there is a very big problem happening that the
is a very big problem happening that the
is a very big problem happening that the very fact that they’re having emotions
very fact that they’re having emotions
very fact that they’re having emotions at all is a problem that they’re feeling
at all is a problem that they’re feeling
at all is a problem that they’re feeling shy that they’re feeling nervous that
shy that they’re feeling nervous that
shy that they’re feeling nervous that they’re feeling insecure we are nervous
they’re feeling insecure we are nervous
they’re feeling insecure we are nervous inside of sex because it’s vulnerable
inside of sex because it’s vulnerable
inside of sex because it’s vulnerable and it’s intimate and it is that it’s
and it’s intimate and it is that it’s
and it’s intimate and it is that it’s the same vulnerability I feel coming out
the same vulnerability I feel coming out
the same vulnerability I feel coming out here to give this talk and look you in
here to give this talk and look you in
here to give this talk and look you in the eye
the eye
the eye it’s that same shaking quaking intimacy
it’s that same shaking quaking intimacy
it’s that same shaking quaking intimacy of having an exchange that means
of having an exchange that means
of having an exchange that means something and when they step into that
something and when they step into that
something and when they step into that room to have sex they think that
room to have sex they think that
room to have sex they think that everything that’s actually happening is
everything that’s actually happening is
everything that’s actually happening is a problem and they’ll do whatever they
a problem and they’ll do whatever they
a problem and they’ll do whatever they can to make it go away how much alcohol
can to make it go away how much alcohol
can to make it go away how much alcohol do I have to drink how silent do I have
do I have to drink how silent do I have
do I have to drink how silent do I have to become how fast do I have to make it
to become how fast do I have to make it
to become how fast do I have to make it through this to get it over with
through this to get it over with
through this to get it over with to do the thing that I think I’m
to do the thing that I think I’m
to do the thing that I think I’m supposed to do which is sex as if it’s
supposed to do which is sex as if it’s
supposed to do which is sex as if it’s this thing with this prescription and
this thing with this prescription and
this thing with this prescription and this equation as if a leads to B leads
this equation as if a leads to B leads
this equation as if a leads to B leads to C leads to D when we do that in the
to C leads to D when we do that in the
to C leads to D when we do that in the sexual realm we fall asleep in our
sexual realm we fall asleep in our
sexual realm we fall asleep in our senses and in our hearts in a way that
senses and in our hearts in a way that
senses and in our hearts in a way that is so painful to us
we begin to think that there’s something
we begin to think that there’s something wrong with us for feeling the things
wrong with us for feeling the things
wrong with us for feeling the things that were actually feeling and we do all
that were actually feeling and we do all
that were actually feeling and we do all kinds of things to get out of that a
kinds of things to get out of that a
kinds of things to get out of that a young man who came to a lecture of mine
young man who came to a lecture of mine
young man who came to a lecture of mine on the East Coast after a workshop he
on the East Coast after a workshop he
on the East Coast after a workshop he said to me if the standard is just don’t
said to me if the standard is just don’t
said to me if the standard is just don’t rape someone and don’t get raped that is
rape someone and don’t get raped that is
rape someone and don’t get raped that is a very low standard for college campuses
a very low standard for college campuses
a very low standard for college campuses and people as a whole why isn’t the
and people as a whole why isn’t the
and people as a whole why isn’t the standard make this sexual experience as
standard make this sexual experience as
standard make this sexual experience as good as possible and that is where we
good as possible and that is where we
good as possible and that is where we come in is that we come in in this
come in is that we come in in this
come in is that we come in in this equation in a hugely raw encounter of
equation in a hugely raw encounter of
equation in a hugely raw encounter of our own relationship to our bodies and
our own relationship to our bodies and
our own relationship to our bodies and to our sexuality we cannot pass
to our sexuality we cannot pass
to our sexuality we cannot pass something on to our young people that we
something on to our young people that we
something on to our young people that we don’t embody ourselves that one thing
don’t embody ourselves that one thing
don’t embody ourselves that one thing that I always hear stories about people
that I always hear stories about people
that I always hear stories about people like you know when your parents try to
like you know when your parents try to
like you know when your parents try to talk to you about sex or the awkward the
talk to you about sex or the awkward the
talk to you about sex or the awkward the talk the awkward sex conversation what’s
talk the awkward sex conversation what’s
talk the awkward sex conversation what’s awkward about that is the fact that
awkward about that is the fact that
awkward about that is the fact that we’re trying to pretend it’s not awkward
that starts making things incredibly
that starts making things incredibly awkward and what I love about working
awkward and what I love about working
awkward and what I love about working with college students and young people
with college students and young people
with college students and young people in general is that they have a BS meter
in general is that they have a BS meter
in general is that they have a BS meter that is through the roof they know when
that is through the roof they know when
that is through the roof they know when they aren’t being told the truth but
they aren’t being told the truth but
they aren’t being told the truth but they don’t always recognize in the
they don’t always recognize in the
they don’t always recognize in the moment what’s going on they just think
moment what’s going on they just think
moment what’s going on they just think something here is off and I don’t know
something here is off and I don’t know
something here is off and I don’t know what but I don’t think I can really
what but I don’t think I can really
what but I don’t think I can really listen to you I don’t think this is the
listen to you I don’t think this is the
listen to you I don’t think this is the whole picture we walk around with a
whole picture we walk around with a
whole picture we walk around with a belief in the sexual realm that there’s
belief in the sexual realm that there’s
belief in the sexual realm that there’s something we’re supposed to know about
something we’re supposed to know about
something we’re supposed to know about sex and we’re the only person who
sex and we’re the only person who
sex and we’re the only person who doesn’t know that thing that there’s
doesn’t know that thing that there’s
doesn’t know that thing that there’s something that we’re missing and the
something that we’re missing and the
something that we’re missing and the reality is that we are all walking
reality is that we are all walking
reality is that we are all walking around feeling like we are the only
around feeling like we are the only
around feeling like we are the only person who’s supposed to know this thing
person who’s supposed to know this thing
person who’s supposed to know this thing and missing this particular thing
and missing this particular thing
and missing this particular thing and the cost of that is we walk around
and the cost of that is we walk around
and the cost of that is we walk around thinking that there’s something wrong
thinking that there’s something wrong
thinking that there’s something wrong with me that when it comes to sex I can
with me that when it comes to sex I can
with me that when it comes to sex I can show up voll Nura bleah over here or
show up voll Nura bleah over here or
show up voll Nura bleah over here or over here I can tell the truth over here
over here I can tell the truth over here
over here I can tell the truth over here but you want me to tell the truth in sex
but you want me to tell the truth in sex
but you want me to tell the truth in sex about my vulnerability about my
about my vulnerability about my
about my vulnerability about my nervousness about my shyness about what
nervousness about my shyness about what
nervousness about my shyness about what my body’s actually telling me right now
my body’s actually telling me right now
my body’s actually telling me right now about how fast it actually feels good to
about how fast it actually feels good to
about how fast it actually feels good to go in this moment we’re beginning to
go in this moment we’re beginning to
go in this moment we’re beginning to lose our young people because they can
lose our young people because they can
lose our young people because they can tell that we aren’t telling the truth
tell that we aren’t telling the truth
tell that we aren’t telling the truth and that’s what has to do with every
and that’s what has to do with every
and that’s what has to do with every single one of us how we show up in
single one of us how we show up in
single one of us how we show up in everything in one thing is how we show
everything in one thing is how we show
everything in one thing is how we show up in everything
what is it that we are seeking when we
what is it that we are seeking when we come to sex what is that at its core we
come to sex what is that at its core we
come to sex what is that at its core we are seeking for a kind of connection and
are seeking for a kind of connection and
are seeking for a kind of connection and a kind of intimacy and reflection of our
a kind of intimacy and reflection of our
a kind of intimacy and reflection of our own wholeness that is what is it the
own wholeness that is what is it the
own wholeness that is what is it the core movement of the sexual impulse of
core movement of the sexual impulse of
core movement of the sexual impulse of desire I believe in the power of sex as
desire I believe in the power of sex as
desire I believe in the power of sex as a possibility of healing as a
a possibility of healing as a
a possibility of healing as a possibility to give us something and be
possibility to give us something and be
possibility to give us something and be a sphere of our being and our reality
a sphere of our being and our reality
a sphere of our being and our reality that helps us feel more of ourselves and
that helps us feel more of ourselves and
that helps us feel more of ourselves and not less than we have 20 million
not less than we have 20 million
not less than we have 20 million students on call on college campuses
students on call on college campuses
students on call on college campuses right now who are swimming in a
right now who are swimming in a
right now who are swimming in a atmosphere of working to fight rape
atmosphere of working to fight rape
atmosphere of working to fight rape culture if we want to solve the problem
culture if we want to solve the problem
culture if we want to solve the problem of rape culture we have to replace it
of rape culture we have to replace it
of rape culture we have to replace it with the real thing we have to give them
with the real thing we have to give them
with the real thing we have to give them something that feels real to them in
something that feels real to them in
something that feels real to them in their bones they are curious they want
their bones they are curious they want
their bones they are curious they want to know how do we equip young people
to know how do we equip young people
to know how do we equip young people with values such as how to explore how
with values such as how to explore how
with values such as how to explore how to navigate in the unknown how to be
to navigate in the unknown how to be
to navigate in the unknown how to be with what’s actually coming up for them
with what’s actually coming up for them
with what’s actually coming up for them without thinking that their job is to
without thinking that their job is to
without thinking that their job is to pretend it’s not happening for them how
pretend it’s not happening for them how
pretend it’s not happening for them how do we stand in front of them and look
do we stand in front of them and look
do we stand in front of them and look them in the eye and give them an example
them in the eye and give them an example
them in the eye and give them an example of what an open heart and truth-telling
of what an open heart and truth-telling
of what an open heart and truth-telling actually looks like one thing that I see
actually looks like one thing that I see
actually looks like one thing that I see on campuses is that the way that we are
on campuses is that the way that we are
on campuses is that the way that we are starting to address this is something
starting to address this is something
starting to address this is something that we are losing them because they’re
that we are losing them because they’re
that we are losing them because they’re starting to roll their eyes they’re
starting to roll their eyes they’re
starting to roll their eyes they’re starting to think it’s hokey and that it
starting to think it’s hokey and that it
starting to think it’s hokey and that it doesn’t have to do with them
doesn’t have to do with them
doesn’t have to do with them I had a psychologist from college reach
I had a psychologist from college reach
I had a psychologist from college reach out to me a couple months ago and she
out to me a couple months ago and she
out to me a couple months ago and she said even with our consent education our
said even with our consent education our
said even with our consent education our assault numbers are not going down
assault numbers are not going down
assault numbers are not going down because I think students feel like it
because I think students feel like it
because I think students feel like it has nothing to do with them we come in
has nothing to do with them we come in
has nothing to do with them we come in we bring people in to do a skit a skit
we bring people in to do a skit a skit
we bring people in to do a skit a skit about consent a skit on stage
about consent a skit on stage
about consent a skit on stage that feels like a performance and
that feels like a performance and
that feels like a performance and students walk away feeling like that was
students walk away feeling like that was
students walk away feeling like that was a great performance but I don’t know
a great performance but I don’t know
a great performance but I don’t know what to do with that here’s an online
what to do with that here’s an online
what to do with that here’s an online test for you to take click through what
test for you to take click through what
test for you to take click through what is yes what is no that doesn’t make any
is yes what is no that doesn’t make any
is yes what is no that doesn’t make any sense to a student who is in such the
sense to a student who is in such the
sense to a student who is in such the edge of their own exploration of their
edge of their own exploration of their
edge of their own exploration of their bodies how do we make it so that we
bodies how do we make it so that we
bodies how do we make it so that we aren’t teaching a sexual paradigm that
aren’t teaching a sexual paradigm that
aren’t teaching a sexual paradigm that is perpetuating shame or pressure we’re
is perpetuating shame or pressure we’re
is perpetuating shame or pressure we’re caught between these two rivers that
caught between these two rivers that
caught between these two rivers that don’t allow us to actually show up as we
don’t allow us to actually show up as we
don’t allow us to actually show up as we are
I almost don’t know where to go from
I almost don’t know where to go from here
and that’s exactly what happens in sex
and that’s exactly what happens in sex is that we hit a point and we don’t know
is that we hit a point and we don’t know
is that we hit a point and we don’t know where we are and we don’t know where to
where we are and we don’t know where to
where we are and we don’t know where to go but we’re just there how do we begin
go but we’re just there how do we begin
go but we’re just there how do we begin to teach our young people to stand in
to teach our young people to stand in
to teach our young people to stand in the unknown and feel like they can stand
the unknown and feel like they can stand
the unknown and feel like they can stand there with whatever’s coming up for them
there with whatever’s coming up for them
there with whatever’s coming up for them they have to look us in the eye and know
they have to look us in the eye and know
they have to look us in the eye and know that we are doing that we are on the
that we are doing that we are on the
that we are doing that we are on the edge of what I think is one of the
edge of what I think is one of the
edge of what I think is one of the biggest sexual revolutions that we have
biggest sexual revolutions that we have
biggest sexual revolutions that we have ever seen in this country there is a
ever seen in this country there is a
ever seen in this country there is a voice around the pain of our sexual
voice around the pain of our sexual
voice around the pain of our sexual culture that is rising to the surface
culture that is rising to the surface
culture that is rising to the surface and this is a revolution that will come
and this is a revolution that will come
and this is a revolution that will come from the inside and it starts with us
”
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