[Music] I was raised in Cabiria it was my home
I was raised in Cabiria it was my home
I was raised in Cabiria it was my home for 16 years
for 16 years
for 16 years and growing up in Kibera life is harsh
and growing up in Kibera life is harsh
and growing up in Kibera life is harsh it is sometimes unforgiving and
it is sometimes unforgiving and
it is sometimes unforgiving and sometimes it’s fatal carjackings armed
sometimes it’s fatal carjackings armed
sometimes it’s fatal carjackings armed robberies home invasions street fights
robberies home invasions street fights
robberies home invasions street fights and even the occasional assassination
and even the occasional assassination
and even the occasional assassination all happen with predictable frequency
all happen with predictable frequency
all happen with predictable frequency violence has very nearly ended my life
violence has very nearly ended my life
violence has very nearly ended my life it is also on several occasions saved it
it is also on several occasions saved it
it is also on several occasions saved it I have practiced then studied violence
I have practiced then studied violence
I have practiced then studied violence pretty much my whole life first is as an
pretty much my whole life first is as an
pretty much my whole life first is as an amateur fighter who I competed on a
amateur fighter who I competed on a
amateur fighter who I competed on a national and international stage and
national and international stage and
national and international stage and second which is now as a private
second which is now as a private
second which is now as a private security contractor will have the
security contractor will have the
security contractor will have the privilege of working with some of the
privilege of working with some of the
privilege of working with some of the world’s leading instructors combat
world’s leading instructors combat
world’s leading instructors combat effective special operation teams and
effective special operation teams and
effective special operation teams and leading my own teams out on mission in
leading my own teams out on mission in
leading my own teams out on mission in the field but tonight is not about me
the field but tonight is not about me
the field but tonight is not about me tonight is about you tonight is about
tonight is about you tonight is about
tonight is about you tonight is about mothers and daughters sisters auntie’s
mothers and daughters sisters auntie’s
mothers and daughters sisters auntie’s and nieces women my name is trevor Amano
and nieces women my name is trevor Amano
and nieces women my name is trevor Amano and I’m here tonight to teach you how
and I’m here tonight to teach you how
and I’m here tonight to teach you how not to die I am indebted to the women in
not to die I am indebted to the women in
not to die I am indebted to the women in my life first to my mother who raised me
my life first to my mother who raised me
my life first to my mother who raised me as a single parent and despite all the
as a single parent and despite all the
as a single parent and despite all the evidence to the contrary never gave up
evidence to the contrary never gave up
evidence to the contrary never gave up faith or her sanity second to my
faith or her sanity second to my
faith or her sanity second to my beautiful wife who’s somewhere in the
beautiful wife who’s somewhere in the
beautiful wife who’s somewhere in the crowd tonight whose light continues to
crowd tonight whose light continues to
crowd tonight whose light continues to save me from darkness
and third to my daughter Leilani who
and third to my daughter Leilani who just turned four years old and whose
just turned four years old and whose
just turned four years old and whose entry into my life she changed
entry into my life she changed
entry into my life she changed everything she changed it all being a
everything she changed it all being a
everything she changed it all being a father is terrifying they didn’t tell me
father is terrifying they didn’t tell me
father is terrifying they didn’t tell me this in the beginning and it’s been
this in the beginning and it’s been
this in the beginning and it’s been difficult for me personally to try and
difficult for me personally to try and
difficult for me personally to try and reconcile the joy I feel of watching her
reconcile the joy I feel of watching her
reconcile the joy I feel of watching her grow up versus my obligation to protect
grow up versus my obligation to protect
grow up versus my obligation to protect her and to prepare her for the world
her and to prepare her for the world
her and to prepare her for the world she’s going to walk out into and the
she’s going to walk out into and the
she’s going to walk out into and the reality is that for her as a young woman
reality is that for her as a young woman
reality is that for her as a young woman in this region there’s a one in three
in this region there’s a one in three
in this region there’s a one in three chance that she will be the target of
chance that she will be the target of
chance that she will be the target of sexual or physical assault that 45% of
sexual or physical assault that 45% of
sexual or physical assault that 45% of women aged between 15 and 49 in this
women aged between 15 and 49 in this
women aged between 15 and 49 in this region are targets and victims of sexual
region are targets and victims of sexual
region are targets and victims of sexual and physical violence she is going to go
and physical violence she is going to go
and physical violence she is going to go out into a world where a husband can in
out into a world where a husband can in
out into a world where a husband can in full view of his community and neighbors
full view of his community and neighbors
full view of his community and neighbors beat his pregnant wife to the point of
beat his pregnant wife to the point of
beat his pregnant wife to the point of unconsciousness putting her in the
unconsciousness putting her in the
unconsciousness putting her in the hospital and having as a result of that
hospital and having as a result of that
hospital and having as a result of that beating she miscarries her children a
beating she miscarries her children a
beating she miscarries her children a child she’s going to walk out into a
child she’s going to walk out into a
child she’s going to walk out into a world where in this capital city women
world where in this capital city women
world where in this capital city women have been stripped naked in broad
have been stripped naked in broad
have been stripped naked in broad daylight by gangs of immature hooligans
daylight by gangs of immature hooligans
daylight by gangs of immature hooligans under the guise of some sort of moral
under the guise of some sort of moral
under the guise of some sort of moral authority she’s going to walk out into a
authority she’s going to walk out into a
authority she’s going to walk out into a world where a husband can take a machete
world where a husband can take a machete
world where a husband can take a machete and cut off his wife’s hands mutilate
and cut off his wife’s hands mutilate
and cut off his wife’s hands mutilate her because she did not bear him
her because she did not bear him
her because she did not bear him children or wear a 16 year old young
children or wear a 16 year old young
children or wear a 16 year old young woman walking home from her
woman walking home from her
woman walking home from her grandmother’s funeral can be set upon
grandmother’s funeral can be set upon
grandmother’s funeral can be set upon gang raped have her back broken and
gang raped have her back broken and
gang raped have her back broken and thrown into a sewage pit to die tonight
thrown into a sewage pit to die tonight
thrown into a sewage pit to die tonight is about lessons hard lessons lessons
is about lessons hard lessons lessons
is about lessons hard lessons lessons that have been paid for in pain in tears
that have been paid for in pain in tears
that have been paid for in pain in tears and in blood these are the lessons that
and in blood these are the lessons that
and in blood these are the lessons that I consider my obligation to teach
I consider my obligation to teach
I consider my obligation to teach Leilani lessons I hope she will never
Leilani lessons I hope she will never
Leilani lessons I hope she will never need the lessons she can bet her life on
need the lessons she can bet her life on
need the lessons she can bet her life on so the ABCs are the framework that I use
so the ABCs are the framework that I use
so the ABCs are the framework that I use to teach my four-year-old little girl
to teach my four-year-old little girl
to teach my four-year-old little girl how to survive
how to survive
how to survive and I’d like to share them with you
and I’d like to share them with you
and I’d like to share them with you tonight the good news is everyone in
tonight the good news is everyone in
tonight the good news is everyone in this room is already spectacularly
this room is already spectacularly
this room is already spectacularly equipped for survival allow me to
equipped for survival allow me to
equipped for survival allow me to demonstrate
demonstrate
demonstrate I can’t see your hands but I’ll ask
I can’t see your hands but I’ll ask
I can’t see your hands but I’ll ask anyway by a show of hands is there a
anyway by a show of hands is there a
anyway by a show of hands is there a woman in here who has had a distinct
woman in here who has had a distinct
woman in here who has had a distinct uneasy feeling about a situation or an
uneasy feeling about a situation or an
uneasy feeling about a situation or an individual you couldn’t put your finger
individual you couldn’t put your finger
individual you couldn’t put your finger on it
on it
on it you couldn’t articulate it but you felt
you couldn’t articulate it but you felt
you couldn’t articulate it but you felt it in your bones right and you knew that
it in your bones right and you knew that
it in your bones right and you knew that if you ignored that feeling you would
if you ignored that feeling you would
if you ignored that feeling you would regret that decision
regret that decision
regret that decision right congratulations I’d like to
right congratulations I’d like to
right congratulations I’d like to introduce you to your biggest survival
introduce you to your biggest survival
introduce you to your biggest survival Ally your instincts trust your instincts
Ally your instincts trust your instincts
Ally your instincts trust your instincts you see human beings are incredibly
you see human beings are incredibly
you see human beings are incredibly adept at survival in fact we’re
adept at survival in fact we’re
adept at survival in fact we’re hardwired for it everyone in this room
hardwired for it everyone in this room
hardwired for it everyone in this room comes from thousands of generations of
comes from thousands of generations of
comes from thousands of generations of human animals that was strong enough
human animals that was strong enough
human animals that was strong enough tough enough smart enough to survive
tough enough smart enough to survive
tough enough smart enough to survive long enough to procreate violence is as
long enough to procreate violence is as
long enough to procreate violence is as deeply biologically rooted in our DNA as
deeply biologically rooted in our DNA as
deeply biologically rooted in our DNA as our need for sex and food your instincts
our need for sex and food your instincts
our need for sex and food your instincts are a gift but for most of us when our
are a gift but for most of us when our
are a gift but for most of us when our instincts try to warn us when they try
instincts try to warn us when they try
instincts try to warn us when they try to tell us is a threat present danger is
to tell us is a threat present danger is
to tell us is a threat present danger is close most of us disregard our instincts
close most of us disregard our instincts
close most of us disregard our instincts we rationalize we ignore them or to use
we rationalize we ignore them or to use
we rationalize we ignore them or to use a kenyan ism we say things like it’s
a kenyan ism we say things like it’s
a kenyan ism we say things like it’s never that serious until it is that
never that serious until it is that
never that serious until it is that serious the key to surviving and
serious the key to surviving and
serious the key to surviving and avoiding violence is a awareness and
avoiding violence is a awareness and
avoiding violence is a awareness and this can simply be defined as paying
this can simply be defined as paying
this can simply be defined as paying attention know what’s going on around
attention know what’s going on around
attention know what’s going on around you now this is a skill that can be
you now this is a skill that can be
you now this is a skill that can be developed it can be taught but the truth
developed it can be taught but the truth
developed it can be taught but the truth is for most of us in this room but you
is for most of us in this room but you
is for most of us in this room but you just need to remember and make the
just need to remember and make the
just need to remember and make the choice to be present to use your senses
choice to be present to use your senses
choice to be present to use your senses as you navigate through your environment
as you navigate through your environment
as you navigate through your environment you need to remember to look to listen
you need to remember to look to listen
you need to remember to look to listen and to feel your way through life
and to feel your way through life
and to feel your way through life pay attention so a trust your instincts
pay attention so a trust your instincts
pay attention so a trust your instincts pay attention B is for boundaries I have
pay attention B is for boundaries I have
pay attention B is for boundaries I have no intention of raising a polite
no intention of raising a polite
no intention of raising a polite well-mannered demure little girl none
well-mannered demure little girl none
well-mannered demure little girl none the default setting I want my daughter
the default setting I want my daughter
the default setting I want my daughter to have when she’s challenged is to push
to have when she’s challenged is to push
to have when she’s challenged is to push back I want her to be defined as such
back I want her to be defined as such
back I want her to be defined as such I’m raising her how to hold a head up
I’m raising her how to hold a head up
I’m raising her how to hold a head up high how do you maintain eye contact I’m
high how do you maintain eye contact I’m
high how do you maintain eye contact I’m teaching her how to move and yes I am
teaching her how to move and yes I am
teaching her how to move and yes I am teaching her how to fight but beyond
teaching her how to fight but beyond
teaching her how to fight but beyond that I’m also teaching her how to
that I’m also teaching her how to
that I’m also teaching her how to express herself loudly she needs to
express herself loudly she needs to
express herself loudly she needs to right my daughter is clear that she
right my daughter is clear that she
right my daughter is clear that she alone is responsible for her physical
alone is responsible for her physical
alone is responsible for her physical well-being she alone has sole agency and
well-being she alone has sole agency and
well-being she alone has sole agency and therefore I never asked my daughter to
therefore I never asked my daughter to
therefore I never asked my daughter to say hello to strangers or to hug
say hello to strangers or to hug
say hello to strangers or to hug relatives at family gatherings not even
relatives at family gatherings not even
relatives at family gatherings not even me as her father will impose my physical
me as her father will impose my physical
me as her father will impose my physical will on her so no forced hugs or forced
will on her so no forced hugs or forced
will on her so no forced hugs or forced kisses I asked permission I asked her
kisses I asked permission I asked her
kisses I asked permission I asked her can I give you hugs can I give you
can I give you hugs can I give you
can I give you hugs can I give you kisses and she’s learned that if she
kisses and she’s learned that if she
kisses and she’s learned that if she says yes she gets smothered in hugs and
says yes she gets smothered in hugs and
says yes she gets smothered in hugs and kisses but if she says no she knows that
kisses but if she says no she knows that
kisses but if she says no she knows that I will respect that choice so I’m
I will respect that choice so I’m
I will respect that choice so I’m raising my daughter to be strong I want
raising my daughter to be strong I want
raising my daughter to be strong I want her to be strong I want her to be tough
her to be strong I want her to be tough
her to be strong I want her to be tough I want her to be fierce
I want her to be fierce
I want her to be fierce because being strong is the only way I
because being strong is the only way I
because being strong is the only way I know to help her avoid the pitfalls of
know to help her avoid the pitfalls of
know to help her avoid the pitfalls of ignorance to pretend to know things she
ignorance to pretend to know things she
ignorance to pretend to know things she doesn’t know or worse to ignore her
doesn’t know or worse to ignore her
doesn’t know or worse to ignore her instincts when reality is upon her so be
instincts when reality is upon her so be
instincts when reality is upon her so be is boundaries be confident be strong and
is boundaries be confident be strong and
is boundaries be confident be strong and own your space so awareness and
own your space so awareness and
own your space so awareness and boundaries are really your predictive
boundaries are really your predictive
boundaries are really your predictive strategies they’re what keeps you out of
strategies they’re what keeps you out of
strategies they’re what keeps you out of trouble but when they fail we move to
trouble but when they fail we move to
trouble but when they fail we move to the next element of our framework which
the next element of our framework which
the next element of our framework which is C conflict
is C conflict
is C conflict when presented with physical violence
when presented with physical violence
when presented with physical violence there is no room for delusion fighting
there is no room for delusion fighting
there is no room for delusion fighting is an empirical skillset it cannot be
is an empirical skillset it cannot be
is an empirical skillset it cannot be faked any more than I can fake playing
faked any more than I can fake playing
faked any more than I can fake playing the violin or performing neurosurgery it
the violin or performing neurosurgery it
the violin or performing neurosurgery it can’t either have it you’ve learnt it or
can’t either have it you’ve learnt it or
can’t either have it you’ve learnt it or you haven’t when confronted with
you haven’t when confronted with
you haven’t when confronted with violence I’d like you to remember three
violence I’d like you to remember three
violence I’d like you to remember three things the three DS as we call them and
things the three DS as we call them and
things the three DS as we call them and the first of these DS is deterrence
the first of these DS is deterrence
the first of these DS is deterrence weakness is provocative women who are
weakness is provocative women who are
weakness is provocative women who are aware of what’s happening around them
aware of what’s happening around them
aware of what’s happening around them who are strong mentally and physically
who are strong mentally and physically
who are strong mentally and physically who are assertive have a very distinct
who are assertive have a very distinct
who are assertive have a very distinct carriage about them it’s unmistakable
carriage about them it’s unmistakable
carriage about them it’s unmistakable these are the women predators leave
these are the women predators leave
these are the women predators leave alone they search for easier prey
alone they search for easier prey
alone they search for easier prey deterrent don’t look like a victim and
deterrent don’t look like a victim and
deterrent don’t look like a victim and you won’t be second be is distance in
you won’t be second be is distance in
you won’t be second be is distance in close quarters in a fight in combat
close quarters in a fight in combat
close quarters in a fight in combat managing distance is everything and I’ve
managing distance is everything and I’ve
managing distance is everything and I’ve learned this the hard way
learned this the hard way
learned this the hard way if you wait for your assailant to sit on
if you wait for your assailant to sit on
if you wait for your assailant to sit on top of you and punch you in the face
top of you and punch you in the face
top of you and punch you in the face it’s a little late in the game to try
it’s a little late in the game to try
it’s a little late in the game to try and protect yourself
and protect yourself
and protect yourself generally by dictating distance and
generally by dictating distance and
generally by dictating distance and timing you dominate the fight it’s a
timing you dominate the fight it’s a
timing you dominate the fight it’s a simple premise it’s harder in practice
simple premise it’s harder in practice
simple premise it’s harder in practice and lastly most importantly is the final
and lastly most importantly is the final
and lastly most importantly is the final D your determination should a predator
D your determination should a predator
D your determination should a predator choose you it is your job to make him
choose you it is your job to make him
choose you it is your job to make him pay for it it is your job to make him
pay for it it is your job to make him
pay for it it is your job to make him pay dearly for it you are your own
pay dearly for it you are your own
pay dearly for it you are your own Savior no one else is coming
fighting is stressful
fighting is stressful combat is stressful your training is the
combat is stressful your training is the
combat is stressful your training is the only thing that keeps you functional and
only thing that keeps you functional and
only thing that keeps you functional and that will get you home
that will get you home
that will get you home developing sound body mechanics and
developing sound body mechanics and
developing sound body mechanics and physical skill sets is only something
physical skill sets is only something
physical skill sets is only something that you can accomplish by repetition
that you can accomplish by repetition
that you can accomplish by repetition through training in functional martial
through training in functional martial
through training in functional martial systems like boxing or rest
systems like boxing or rest
systems like boxing or rest soooo muy Thai but beyond the
soooo muy Thai but beyond the
soooo muy Thai but beyond the physical beyond the physical
physical beyond the physical
physical beyond the physical conditioning beyond your cardiovascular
conditioning beyond your cardiovascular
conditioning beyond your cardiovascular strength and endurance beyond your
strength and endurance beyond your
strength and endurance beyond your stamina going up the most important
stamina going up the most important
stamina going up the most important thing in a fight is your mental
thing in a fight is your mental
thing in a fight is your mental conditioning should a man lay hands on
conditioning should a man lay hands on
conditioning should a man lay hands on you without your consent
you without your consent
you without your consent your overriding mindset should be to
your overriding mindset should be to
your overriding mindset should be to dominate you will fight you will win you
dominate you will fight you will win you
dominate you will fight you will win you will triumph you will get home
will triumph you will get home
will triumph you will get home regardless of the cost regardless of the
regardless of the cost regardless of the
regardless of the cost regardless of the consequences
consequences
consequences no matter the odds you will triumph when
no matter the odds you will triumph when
no matter the odds you will triumph when faced with violence
faced with violence
faced with violence remember the deterrence distance in your
remember the deterrence distance in your
remember the deterrence distance in your determination I’d like to add one final
determination I’d like to add one final
determination I’d like to add one final component to this a Dean and that’s
component to this a Dean and that’s
component to this a Dean and that’s doubt doubt is the one thing that might
doubt doubt is the one thing that might
doubt doubt is the one thing that might get in your way when you need to execute
get in your way when you need to execute
get in your way when you need to execute when your life is on the line and look I
when your life is on the line and look I
when your life is on the line and look I empathize fighting is scary and some of
empathize fighting is scary and some of
empathize fighting is scary and some of the information I might have told you
the information I might have told you
the information I might have told you already might be very different from
already might be very different from
already might be very different from what other people have told you your
what other people have told you your
what other people have told you your whole life it is scary but the reality
whole life it is scary but the reality
whole life it is scary but the reality is for most women in this room in life
is for most women in this room in life
is for most women in this room in life the biggest threat for violence is not
the biggest threat for violence is not
the biggest threat for violence is not the criminal who stick a gun in your
the criminal who stick a gun in your
the criminal who stick a gun in your face
face
face the biggest threat for violence exists
the biggest threat for violence exists
the biggest threat for violence exists far closer to home behind closed doors
far closer to home behind closed doors
far closer to home behind closed doors away from prying eyes and private 75% of
away from prying eyes and private 75% of
away from prying eyes and private 75% of women who were raped each year I raped
women who were raped each year I raped
women who were raped each year I raped by someone they know over 80% of women
by someone they know over 80% of women
by someone they know over 80% of women who were murdered each year they die at
who were murdered each year they die at
who were murdered each year they die at the hands of their boyfriends their
the hands of their boyfriends their
the hands of their boyfriends their husbands and their lovers to be clear
husbands and their lovers to be clear
husbands and their lovers to be clear the first time a woman is subjected to
the first time a woman is subjected to
the first time a woman is subjected to domestic abuse she’s a victim the second
domestic abuse she’s a victim the second
domestic abuse she’s a victim the second time she’s a volunteer
the data is clear women who stay or who
the data is clear women who stay or who return to physically abusive
return to physically abusive
return to physically abusive relationships end up in hospital or dead
relationships end up in hospital or dead
relationships end up in hospital or dead so if I could leave you with one thing
so if I could leave you with one thing
so if I could leave you with one thing tonight one final takeaway it would be
tonight one final takeaway it would be
tonight one final takeaway it would be this forget submission fight when you
this forget submission fight when you
this forget submission fight when you submit when you submit you forfeit your
submit when you submit you forfeit your
submit when you submit you forfeit your right to life and wholeness you give it
right to life and wholeness you give it
right to life and wholeness you give it all away fight fight for yourself fight
all away fight fight for yourself fight
all away fight fight for yourself fight for your life fight for the people you
for your life fight for the people you
for your life fight for the people you want to see again fight to get home or
want to see again fight to get home or
want to see again fight to get home or fight to get free when your moment of
fight to get free when your moment of
fight to get free when your moment of truth comes don’t be a victim don’t be a
truth comes don’t be a victim don’t be a
truth comes don’t be a victim don’t be a volunteer be ready thank you
”
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