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Quiet Integrators as Activists | Mona H. Siddiqui | TEDxRVAWomen


a wise man once said the legal system

a wise man once said the legal system can force open doors and sometimes even

can force open doors and sometimes even

can force open doors and sometimes even knock down walls but it cannot build

knock down walls but it cannot build

knock down walls but it cannot build bridges that job belongs to you and me

bridges that job belongs to you and me

bridges that job belongs to you and me these provocative words brought me here

these provocative words brought me here

these provocative words brought me here today they inspired me to step out of my

today they inspired me to step out of my

today they inspired me to step out of my day-to-day rhythm and share my story

day-to-day rhythm and share my story

day-to-day rhythm and share my story with you so here it goes

with you so here it goes

with you so here it goes I was a pretty shy and timid kid growing

I was a pretty shy and timid kid growing

I was a pretty shy and timid kid growing up in Richmond Virginia in that sense I

up in Richmond Virginia in that sense I

up in Richmond Virginia in that sense I was a lot like my parents who are Muslim

was a lot like my parents who are Muslim

was a lot like my parents who are Muslim immigrants from Pakistan my parents like

immigrants from Pakistan my parents like

immigrants from Pakistan my parents like many first-generation Americans were

many first-generation Americans were

many first-generation Americans were what I would call quiet integrators they

what I would call quiet integrators they

what I would call quiet integrators they worked hard to earn a decent living they

worked hard to earn a decent living they

worked hard to earn a decent living they focused on raising their family they

focused on raising their family they

focused on raising their family they socialized with other families with who

socialized with other families with who

socialized with other families with who had similar experiences as they did and

had similar experiences as they did and

had similar experiences as they did and they made an effort to stay connected to

they made an effort to stay connected to

they made an effort to stay connected to their heritage and their traditions it

their heritage and their traditions it

their heritage and their traditions it was their way of weaving into the fabric

was their way of weaving into the fabric

was their way of weaving into the fabric of our society some might say that they

of our society some might say that they

of our society some might say that they were a little insular but I have

were a little insular but I have

were a little insular but I have observed that most of us can be quite

observed that most of us can be quite

observed that most of us can be quite insular we tend to stay within our

insular we tend to stay within our

insular we tend to stay within our little bubble and then quietly integrate

little bubble and then quietly integrate

little bubble and then quietly integrate into those tight circles often unmindful

into those tight circles often unmindful

into those tight circles often unmindful and even oblivious of those around us

and even oblivious of those around us

and even oblivious of those around us for my parents it was a way of adapting

for my parents it was a way of adapting

for my parents it was a way of adapting to a new and foreign culture for me it

to a new and foreign culture for me it

to a new and foreign culture for me it was a way of coping with my shyness and

was a way of coping with my shyness and

was a way of coping with my shyness and for others it’s a safe and it’s a

for others it’s a safe and it’s a

for others it’s a safe and it’s a comfortable way of being in fact it

comfortable way of being in fact it

comfortable way of being in fact it feels like a natural tendency to

feels like a natural tendency to

feels like a natural tendency to surround ourselves with familiarity

surround ourselves with familiarity

surround ourselves with familiarity nothing wrong with that is there well I

nothing wrong with that is there well I

nothing wrong with that is there well I learned the hard way that yes

learned the hard way that yes

learned the hard way that yes maybe there is when injustice overpowers

maybe there is when injustice overpowers

maybe there is when injustice overpowers you like it has for today’s generation

you like it has for today’s generation

you like it has for today’s generation of Americans who are Muslim or perceived

of Americans who are Muslim or perceived

of Americans who are Muslim or perceived to be Muslim prejudiced unfair

to be Muslim prejudiced unfair

to be Muslim prejudiced unfair stereotypes sweeping generalizations

stereotypes sweeping generalizations

stereotypes sweeping generalizations feeling alienated misunderstood and

feeling alienated misunderstood and

feeling alienated misunderstood and viewed with suspicion most of us are

viewed with suspicion most of us are

viewed with suspicion most of us are trying really hard to make sense out of

trying really hard to make sense out of

trying really hard to make sense out of the social climate that seems to be

the social climate that seems to be

the social climate that seems to be singling out an entire faith community

singling out an entire faith community

singling out an entire faith community of over 3 million Americans a community

of over 3 million Americans a community

of over 3 million Americans a community that’s really been here all along since

that’s really been here all along since

that’s really been here all along since the very beginning yet for some reason

the very beginning yet for some reason

the very beginning yet for some reason has remained so unfamiliar several

has remained so unfamiliar several

has remained so unfamiliar several recent studies on American perceptions

recent studies on American perceptions

recent studies on American perceptions have found that Muslims are a highly

have found that Muslims are a highly

have found that Muslims are a highly disliked and distrusted community and it

disliked and distrusted community and it

disliked and distrusted community and it seems like these feelings of dislike

seems like these feelings of dislike

seems like these feelings of dislike have manifested into acts of hate civil

have manifested into acts of hate civil

have manifested into acts of hate civil rights groups all over the country are

rights groups all over the country are

rights groups all over the country are reporting that hate crimes may be

reporting that hate crimes may be

reporting that hate crimes may be reaching their all-time high in the last

reaching their all-time high in the last

reaching their all-time high in the last couple of years against Muslims the

couple of years against Muslims the

couple of years against Muslims the Center for the Study of hate and

Center for the Study of hate and

Center for the Study of hate and extremism reported 250 hate crimes

extremism reported 250 hate crimes

extremism reported 250 hate crimes targeting Muslims just in the year 2015

targeting Muslims just in the year 2015

targeting Muslims just in the year 2015 these include vandalism and arson at

these include vandalism and arson at

these include vandalism and arson at places of worship

places of worship

places of worship they include execution-style shootings

they include execution-style shootings

they include execution-style shootings beatings and assault of shopkeepers and

beatings and assault of shopkeepers and

beatings and assault of shopkeepers and women wearing headscarves in addition to

women wearing headscarves in addition to

women wearing headscarves in addition to these crimes we’re also seeing a growing

these crimes we’re also seeing a growing

these crimes we’re also seeing a growing trend of discrimination experienced by

trend of discrimination experienced by

trend of discrimination experienced by Muslims in their workplace in

Muslims in their workplace in

Muslims in their workplace in communities and in schools many of these

communities and in schools many of these

communities and in schools many of these experiences are injustice is that the

experiences are injustice is that the

experiences are injustice is that the protections of our laws just cannot

protections of our laws just cannot

protections of our laws just cannot reach for me one of the most troubling

reach for me one of the most troubling

reach for me one of the most troubling trends has been a rise of bullying and

trends has been a rise of bullying and

trends has been a rise of bullying and hostility towards Muslim kids in schools

hostility towards Muslim kids in schools

hostility towards Muslim kids in schools not only by their peers but by adults in

not only by their peers but by adults in

not only by their peers but by adults in positions of authority in a recent

positions of authority in a recent

positions of authority in a recent sociological study of Muslim high school

sociological study of Muslim high school

sociological study of Muslim high school students they found that perceptions of

students they found that perceptions of

students they found that perceptions of microaggression and experiences of

microaggression and experiences of

microaggression and experiences of discrimination have had damaging

discrimination have had damaging

discrimination have had damaging consequences on kids

consequences on kids

consequences on kids educational outcomes on their

educational outcomes on their

educational outcomes on their psychosocial health and well-being and

psychosocial health and well-being and

psychosocial health and well-being and their sense of family and sense of

their sense of family and sense of

their sense of family and sense of nation and belonging as a mother of four

nation and belonging as a mother of four

nation and belonging as a mother of four wonderful kids ranging from elementary

wonderful kids ranging from elementary

wonderful kids ranging from elementary age to college-age it’s something that I

age to college-age it’s something that I

age to college-age it’s something that I worry about every day in fact it’s

worry about every day in fact it’s

worry about every day in fact it’s something every Muslim parent that I

something every Muslim parent that I

something every Muslim parent that I know worries about every day when I was

know worries about every day when I was

know worries about every day when I was growing up in the 80s and the 90s most

growing up in the 80s and the 90s most

growing up in the 80s and the 90s most of my friends didn’t really even know

of my friends didn’t really even know

of my friends didn’t really even know where Pakistan was on a map most of them

where Pakistan was on a map most of them

where Pakistan was on a map most of them didn’t know that Pakistan is an Islamic

didn’t know that Pakistan is an Islamic

didn’t know that Pakistan is an Islamic country or for that matter what a Muslim

country or for that matter what a Muslim

country or for that matter what a Muslim even is but now of course world politics

even is but now of course world politics

even is but now of course world politics has completely changed that before my

has completely changed that before my

has completely changed that before my story was was simpler and easier to

story was was simpler and easier to

story was was simpler and easier to share there weren’t as many preconceived

share there weren’t as many preconceived

share there weren’t as many preconceived notions to dispel folks were curious and

notions to dispel folks were curious and

notions to dispel folks were curious and eager learn and I was happy to explain

eager learn and I was happy to explain

eager learn and I was happy to explain but now there’s fear and there’s

but now there’s fear and there’s

but now there’s fear and there’s apprehension on both sides of the

apprehension on both sides of the

apprehension on both sides of the storytelling but I’m still the same

storytelling but I’m still the same

storytelling but I’m still the same person I haven’t changed but in a way I

person I haven’t changed but in a way I

person I haven’t changed but in a way I have on that day of 9/11 I was about

have on that day of 9/11 I was about

have on that day of 9/11 I was about four months pregnant with my third child

four months pregnant with my third child

four months pregnant with my third child and like everyone else I was devastated

and like everyone else I was devastated

and like everyone else I was devastated by the loss of human life I was scared

by the loss of human life I was scared

by the loss of human life I was scared of the senseless violence in the name of

of the senseless violence in the name of

of the senseless violence in the name of extremist ideology I felt helpless as a

extremist ideology I felt helpless as a

extremist ideology I felt helpless as a mother I was afraid for the future of my

mother I was afraid for the future of my

mother I was afraid for the future of my children my unborn child who would have

children my unborn child who would have

children my unborn child who would have to navigate this scary and violent world

to navigate this scary and violent world

to navigate this scary and violent world that we had become a world that I never

that we had become a world that I never

that we had become a world that I never had to navigate and at that time I

had to navigate and at that time I

had to navigate and at that time I didn’t realize that I would also become

didn’t realize that I would also become

didn’t realize that I would also become fearful for them just because of their

fearful for them just because of their

fearful for them just because of their Muslim identity since that day it feels

Muslim identity since that day it feels

Muslim identity since that day it feels like the threads of the fabric are

like the threads of the fabric are

like the threads of the fabric are quickly unraveling and we’re falling out

quickly unraveling and we’re falling out

quickly unraveling and we’re falling out the threads of the fabric that bind us

the threads of the fabric that bind us

the threads of the fabric that bind us and cradle our community but in the

and cradle our community but in the

and cradle our community but in the midst of the unraveling I witness

midst of the unraveling I witness

midst of the unraveling I witness something else

something else

something else I saw and I heard voices

I saw and I heard voices

I saw and I heard voices from Asian American communities

from Asian American communities

from Asian American communities recalling the Japanese internment camps

recalling the Japanese internment camps

recalling the Japanese internment camps standing up for us voices from Jewish

standing up for us voices from Jewish

standing up for us voices from Jewish communities very familiar with the

communities very familiar with the

communities very familiar with the horrors that that were triggered by

horrors that that were triggered by

horrors that that were triggered by Jewish discrimination standing up for us

Jewish discrimination standing up for us

Jewish discrimination standing up for us voices from African American and black

voices from African American and black

voices from African American and black communities who have endured a horde

communities who have endured a horde

communities who have endured a horde history of slavery and Jim Crow and are

history of slavery and Jim Crow and are

history of slavery and Jim Crow and are still fighting for the value of black

still fighting for the value of black

still fighting for the value of black lives are standing up for us members of

lives are standing up for us members of

lives are standing up for us members of the LGBT community who face intolerant

the LGBT community who face intolerant

the LGBT community who face intolerant attitudes all around and hate crimes

attitudes all around and hate crimes

attitudes all around and hate crimes raised similar to our community they’re

raised similar to our community they’re

raised similar to our community they’re standing in solidarity with us

standing in solidarity with us

standing in solidarity with us neighborhood Christian faith groups

neighborhood Christian faith groups

neighborhood Christian faith groups literally standing in front of our local

literally standing in front of our local

literally standing in front of our local Bonaire mosque holding up signs of love

Bonaire mosque holding up signs of love

Bonaire mosque holding up signs of love and solidarity and on a personal level

and solidarity and on a personal level

and solidarity and on a personal level Maya my professors and my colleagues

Maya my professors and my colleagues

Maya my professors and my colleagues made sure that I know that they’re there

made sure that I know that they’re there

made sure that I know that they’re there for me if I ever experience prejudice

for me if I ever experience prejudice

for me if I ever experience prejudice because of their voices I don’t feel

because of their voices I don’t feel

because of their voices I don’t feel quite so alone these people these day to

quite so alone these people these day to

quite so alone these people these day to day ordinary folks standing up for me

day ordinary folks standing up for me

day ordinary folks standing up for me standing with me making an effort to

standing with me making an effort to

standing with me making an effort to build a bridge towards me and others

build a bridge towards me and others

build a bridge towards me and others like me they didn’t have to but they did

like me they didn’t have to but they did

like me they didn’t have to but they did for me these bridge builders are our

for me these bridge builders are our

for me these bridge builders are our civil rights leaders of today where

civil rights leaders of today where

civil rights leaders of today where their effort is not on changing the laws

their effort is not on changing the laws

their effort is not on changing the laws but changing a culture of reticence a

but changing a culture of reticence a

but changing a culture of reticence a culture of insularity they taught me

culture of insularity they taught me

culture of insularity they taught me that there are those who are trying

that there are those who are trying

that there are those who are trying really hard to weave us back together

really hard to weave us back together

really hard to weave us back together they taught me that I am connected to

they taught me that I am connected to

they taught me that I am connected to them that our fates are bound together

them that our fates are bound together

them that our fates are bound together and that injustice towards one is

and that injustice towards one is

and that injustice towards one is injustice towards all of us but most of

injustice towards all of us but most of

injustice towards all of us but most of all they inspired me to

all they inspired me to

all they inspired me to action I now know that I can no longer

action I now know that I can no longer

action I now know that I can no longer exist in my comfortable bubble and allow

exist in my comfortable bubble and allow

exist in my comfortable bubble and allow others to challenge in Justice’s fight

others to challenge in Justice’s fight

others to challenge in Justice’s fight the wrongs for me while I reap the

the wrongs for me while I reap the

the wrongs for me while I reap the benefits

benefits

benefits I can’t just remain neutral or stand on

I can’t just remain neutral or stand on

I can’t just remain neutral or stand on the sidelines when I see injustice is

the sidelines when I see injustice is

the sidelines when I see injustice is happening to other people in other

happening to other people in other

happening to other people in other communities because if I do my silence

communities because if I do my silence

communities because if I do my silence my reluctance will allow the voices of

my reluctance will allow the voices of

my reluctance will allow the voices of injustice –is to grow louder so whether

injustice –is to grow louder so whether

injustice –is to grow louder so whether they know it or not these people in my

they know it or not these people in my

they know it or not these people in my day-to-day lives have given me the

day-to-day lives have given me the

day-to-day lives have given me the courage to break out of my reluctance

courage to break out of my reluctance

courage to break out of my reluctance the courage to share a piece of my story

the courage to share a piece of my story

the courage to share a piece of my story with you to build a bridge towards you

with you to build a bridge towards you

with you to build a bridge towards you so that we can continue the work of

so that we can continue the work of

so that we can continue the work of building bridges between communities so

building bridges between communities so

building bridges between communities so how do we do this how do you build a

how do we do this how do you build a

how do we do this how do you build a bridge from quiet integration to what I

bridge from quiet integration to what I

bridge from quiet integration to what I would like to call active integration

would like to call active integration

would like to call active integration well one thing I know is that I don’t

well one thing I know is that I don’t

well one thing I know is that I don’t need to change who I am I don’t need to

need to change who I am I don’t need to

need to change who I am I don’t need to transform into a forceful extrovert or

transform into a forceful extrovert or

transform into a forceful extrovert or run for political office to bring

run for political office to bring

run for political office to bring attention to injustice but I do need to

attention to injustice but I do need to

attention to injustice but I do need to be willing to step out of my comfort

be willing to step out of my comfort

be willing to step out of my comfort zone

zone

zone my insularity and allow myself to be

my insularity and allow myself to be

my insularity and allow myself to be vulnerable to the new and the unfamiliar

vulnerable to the new and the unfamiliar

vulnerable to the new and the unfamiliar for me that has meant learning how to be

for me that has meant learning how to be

for me that has meant learning how to be a vocal advocate for the richmond muslim

a vocal advocate for the richmond muslim

a vocal advocate for the richmond muslim community for my community of uncles and

community for my community of uncles and

community for my community of uncles and auntie’s very much like the wizard and

auntie’s very much like the wizard and

auntie’s very much like the wizard and Gazala Han families that have nurtured

Gazala Han families that have nurtured

Gazala Han families that have nurtured me since I was a child for some of us it

me since I was a child for some of us it

me since I was a child for some of us it means attending a vigil to support the

means attending a vigil to support the

means attending a vigil to support the LGBT community after the Orlando

LGBT community after the Orlando

LGBT community after the Orlando shooting to mourn the loss of precious

shooting to mourn the loss of precious

shooting to mourn the loss of precious human life for a local Pakistani

human life for a local Pakistani

human life for a local Pakistani physicians group I know it means

physicians group I know it means

physicians group I know it means volunteering at local health care

volunteering at local health care

volunteering at local health care clinics like the Daily Planet

clinics like the Daily Planet

clinics like the Daily Planet or raising money for victims of disaster

or raising money for victims of disaster

or raising money for victims of disaster first

first

first my Muslim girlfriends it means learning

my Muslim girlfriends it means learning

my Muslim girlfriends it means learning how to become a foster parent or a child

how to become a foster parent or a child

how to become a foster parent or a child in need of assistance volunteer or to

in need of assistance volunteer or to

in need of assistance volunteer or to build a network of support for new

build a network of support for new

build a network of support for new refugees resettling enrichment for the

refugees resettling enrichment for the

refugees resettling enrichment for the members of our mosque

members of our mosque

members of our mosque it may mean engaging in interfaith

it may mean engaging in interfaith

it may mean engaging in interfaith partnerships organizing food drives

partnerships organizing food drives

partnerships organizing food drives blood drives even a Muslim day at the

blood drives even a Muslim day at the

blood drives even a Muslim day at the General Assembly you may have other

General Assembly you may have other

General Assembly you may have other ideas but however we choose to build our

ideas but however we choose to build our

ideas but however we choose to build our bridge the reward of weaving ourselves

bridge the reward of weaving ourselves

bridge the reward of weaving ourselves with people and communities who we may

with people and communities who we may

with people and communities who we may not be used to connecting with really

not be used to connecting with really

not be used to connecting with really helps to tame our fears and prejudices

helps to tame our fears and prejudices

helps to tame our fears and prejudices that are looming inside all of us

that are looming inside all of us

that are looming inside all of us fears and Prejudice that may even be the

fears and Prejudice that may even be the

fears and Prejudice that may even be the source of our insularity so the wise man

source of our insularity so the wise man

source of our insularity so the wise man whose provocative words inspired me are

whose provocative words inspired me are

whose provocative words inspired me are none other than Justice Thurgood

none other than Justice Thurgood

none other than Justice Thurgood Marshall a civil rights lawyer and the

Marshall a civil rights lawyer and the

Marshall a civil rights lawyer and the first African American justice of the

first African American justice of the

first African American justice of the Supreme Court not all of us can become a

Supreme Court not all of us can become a

Supreme Court not all of us can become a Justice Marshall but most of us in our

Justice Marshall but most of us in our

Justice Marshall but most of us in our own individual ways can stand to do a

own individual ways can stand to do a

own individual ways can stand to do a better job of building bridges within

better job of building bridges within

better job of building bridges within our spheres of influence which are the

our spheres of influence which are the

our spheres of influence which are the key to weaving us back together the key

key to weaving us back together the key

key to weaving us back together the key to actually constructing a system that

to actually constructing a system that

to actually constructing a system that that collectively challenges the day to

that collectively challenges the day to

that collectively challenges the day to day in justices that sometimes the

day in justices that sometimes the

day in justices that sometimes the protections of our laws cannot reach so

protections of our laws cannot reach so

protections of our laws cannot reach so when I leave here today I will jump back

when I leave here today I will jump back

when I leave here today I will jump back into my day-to-day rhythm but I’ll

into my day-to-day rhythm but I’ll

into my day-to-day rhythm but I’ll continue to do what I must

continue to do what I must

continue to do what I must what will you do when you go back to

what will you do when you go back to

what will you do when you go back to your day toward a rhythm will you

your day toward a rhythm will you

your day toward a rhythm will you quietly integrate back into your circle

quietly integrate back into your circle

quietly integrate back into your circle of familiarity or do you care enough to

of familiarity or do you care enough to

of familiarity or do you care enough to expose yourself to the unfamiliar and

expose yourself to the unfamiliar and

expose yourself to the unfamiliar and activate justice in simple ways it’s

activate justice in simple ways it’s

activate justice in simple ways it’s about time that we all become part of

about time that we all become part of

about time that we all become part of the civil rights movement

the civil rights movement

the civil rights movement thank you

”

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