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Pressure is a Privilege | LaShunda Leslie-Smith | TEDxRochester


[Music]

[Music] you

you

you [Music]

ventured on aroma Ford has been paid for

ventured on aroma Ford has been paid for you is no easy feat and that is what

you is no easy feat and that is what

you is no easy feat and that is what becoming a mom long before you’ve ever

becoming a mom long before you’ve ever

becoming a mom long before you’ve ever experienced the normal rites of passage

experienced the normal rites of passage

experienced the normal rites of passage in life feels like I had my first child

in life feels like I had my first child

in life feels like I had my first child at the age of 14 as you can imagine

at the age of 14 as you can imagine

at the age of 14 as you can imagine there’s an incredible amount of pressure

there’s an incredible amount of pressure

there’s an incredible amount of pressure that comes with being responsible for

that comes with being responsible for

that comes with being responsible for another human life at such a young age

another human life at such a young age

another human life at such a young age when you hear this about me do you feel

when you hear this about me do you feel

when you hear this about me do you feel sorry for me what if I told you that

sorry for me what if I told you that

sorry for me what if I told you that becoming a teen mom was the best thing

becoming a teen mom was the best thing

becoming a teen mom was the best thing that ever happened to me now I will also

that ever happened to me now I will also

that ever happened to me now I will also tell you that being the mother of a

tell you that being the mother of a

tell you that being the mother of a teenager is the worst thing let me be

teenager is the worst thing let me be

teenager is the worst thing let me be clear I am NOT an advocate of teen

clear I am NOT an advocate of teen

clear I am NOT an advocate of teen pregnancy however I’ve come to

pregnancy however I’ve come to

pregnancy however I’ve come to understand that we must all grapple with

understand that we must all grapple with

understand that we must all grapple with some kind of struggle in life and the

some kind of struggle in life and the

some kind of struggle in life and the hand that I was dealt at teen pregnancy

hand that I was dealt at teen pregnancy

hand that I was dealt at teen pregnancy written on the cards certainly not

written on the cards certainly not

written on the cards certainly not something that I would have chosen for

something that I would have chosen for

something that I would have chosen for myself and I’m pretty sure when my

myself and I’m pretty sure when my

myself and I’m pretty sure when my parents gave birth to me their hopes and

parents gave birth to me their hopes and

parents gave birth to me their hopes and dreams for me did not include me

dreams for me did not include me

dreams for me did not include me becoming a mom while I was still a baby

becoming a mom while I was still a baby

becoming a mom while I was still a baby myself every diamond that sparkles in

myself every diamond that sparkles in

myself every diamond that sparkles in every ring and crown started life below

every ring and crown started life below

every ring and crown started life below the depths of the earth more than 240

the depths of the earth more than 240

the depths of the earth more than 240 kilometres down at temperatures of 1600

kilometres down at temperatures of 1600

kilometres down at temperatures of 1600 degrees or greater Carbon squeezes into

degrees or greater Carbon squeezes into

degrees or greater Carbon squeezes into coal or graphite which can take up to

coal or graphite which can take up to

coal or graphite which can take up to three billion years to create the

three billion years to create the

three billion years to create the hardest and most valuable of gems the

hardest and most valuable of gems the

hardest and most valuable of gems the pressure required to create diamonds is

pressure required to create diamonds is

pressure required to create diamonds is equivalent to four thousand grown men

equivalent to four thousand grown men

equivalent to four thousand grown men standing on your foot it was that kind

standing on your foot it was that kind

standing on your foot it was that kind of pressure that I experienced as a teen

of pressure that I experienced as a teen

of pressure that I experienced as a teen mom and it completely altered the course

mom and it completely altered the course

mom and it completely altered the course of my life you know there’s something

of my life you know there’s something

of my life you know there’s something very humbling about having stood in a

very humbling about having stood in a

very humbling about having stood in a soup kitchen line or in the West

soup kitchen line or in the West

soup kitchen line or in the West fare mine or in the line at the Gas and

fare mine or in the line at the Gas and

fare mine or in the line at the Gas and Electric Company begging them to keep

Electric Company begging them to keep

Electric Company begging them to keep your lights on because your seasonal job

your lights on because your seasonal job

your lights on because your seasonal job at the local amusement park is just

at the local amusement park is just

at the local amusement park is just enough to buy diapers and pay for your

enough to buy diapers and pay for your

enough to buy diapers and pay for your bus fare all right how about standing in

bus fare all right how about standing in

bus fare all right how about standing in the freezing cold waiting for the bus

the freezing cold waiting for the bus

the freezing cold waiting for the bus with eight bags of groceries that you

with eight bags of groceries that you

with eight bags of groceries that you purchased with your food stamps you’ve

purchased with your food stamps you’ve

purchased with your food stamps you’ve got a crime baby in one arm a stroller

got a crime baby in one arm a stroller

got a crime baby in one arm a stroller in the other a baby bag on one shoulder

in the other a baby bag on one shoulder

in the other a baby bag on one shoulder and a book bag on the other praying that

and a book bag on the other praying that

and a book bag on the other praying that when you get home there’s enough time

when you get home there’s enough time

when you get home there’s enough time left at the end of the day to do some

left at the end of the day to do some

left at the end of the day to do some homework that kind of struggle can

homework that kind of struggle can

homework that kind of struggle can change a person often not in the best

change a person often not in the best

change a person often not in the best ways but for me for me it provided a

ways but for me for me it provided a

ways but for me for me it provided a sense of fight because mostly I wasn’t

sense of fight because mostly I wasn’t

sense of fight because mostly I wasn’t fighting for myself you see I had this

fighting for myself you see I had this

fighting for myself you see I had this beautiful brown eyed creature that would

beautiful brown eyed creature that would

beautiful brown eyed creature that would look to me for his source of strength

look to me for his source of strength

look to me for his source of strength each and every day and on the day that

each and every day and on the day that

each and every day and on the day that could wrestle up even a mustard seed of

could wrestle up even a mustard seed of

could wrestle up even a mustard seed of strength to fight for myself I was

strength to fight for myself I was

strength to fight for myself I was somehow able to access strength the size

somehow able to access strength the size

somehow able to access strength the size of a sea coconut seemed to fight for him

of a sea coconut seemed to fight for him

of a sea coconut seemed to fight for him the beautiful thing about my story is if

the beautiful thing about my story is if

the beautiful thing about my story is if you were to ask my son what it was like

you were to ask my son what it was like

you were to ask my son what it was like being raised by a 14 year old girl he

being raised by a 14 year old girl he

being raised by a 14 year old girl he would probably say he doesn’t know he

would probably say he doesn’t know he

would probably say he doesn’t know he shared with me in a touching letter that

shared with me in a touching letter that

shared with me in a touching letter that he didn’t remember the struggle he

he didn’t remember the struggle he

he didn’t remember the struggle he didn’t know that those high-water pants

didn’t know that those high-water pants

didn’t know that those high-water pants that he was wearing weren’t really was

that he was wearing weren’t really was

that he was wearing weren’t really was stopped and he never felt any hunger

stopped and he never felt any hunger

stopped and he never felt any hunger pains all things that would have

pains all things that would have

pains all things that would have certainly exposed our situation he also

certainly exposed our situation he also

certainly exposed our situation he also shared that it was amazing to know that

shared that it was amazing to know that

shared that it was amazing to know that his mom had been able to accomplish so

his mom had been able to accomplish so

his mom had been able to accomplish so much while being on this life-altering

much while being on this life-altering

much while being on this life-altering journey and that I somehow epitomize for

journey and that I somehow epitomize for

journey and that I somehow epitomize for him the definition of a true hard worker

him the definition of a true hard worker

him the definition of a true hard worker he shared that my example showed him

he shared that my example showed him

he shared that my example showed him that it didn’t matter what your

that it didn’t matter what your

that it didn’t matter what your circumstances were that you could change

circumstances were that you could change

circumstances were that you could change your perspective and ultimately change

your perspective and ultimately change

your perspective and ultimately change your outcome if I took the time to

your outcome if I took the time to

your outcome if I took the time to explain to you all of the wonderful

explain to you all of the wonderful

explain to you all of the wonderful things that

things that

things that with me I’d be standing in a poll by the

with me I’d be standing in a poll by the

with me I’d be standing in a poll by the end of this talk he did say though that

end of this talk he did say though that

end of this talk he did say though that Keane was my biggest fan

Keane was my biggest fan

Keane was my biggest fan and that he was proud of me a girl can

and that he was proud of me a girl can

and that he was proud of me a girl can have a better fan club I thought to

have a better fan club I thought to

have a better fan club I thought to myself what could I say to my son and

myself what could I say to my son and

myself what could I say to my son and response that would summarize our

response that would summarize our

response that would summarize our journey together and if I were to write

journey together and if I were to write

journey together and if I were to write back I would be sure to say son having

back I would be sure to say son having

back I would be sure to say son having to ask for help is not a sign of

to ask for help is not a sign of

to ask for help is not a sign of weakness in fact a shows great strength

weakness in fact a shows great strength

weakness in fact a shows great strength humility and wisdom it builds muscle and

humility and wisdom it builds muscle and

humility and wisdom it builds muscle and character necessary for the journey of

character necessary for the journey of

character necessary for the journey of his and I would also tell him that my 14

his and I would also tell him that my 14

his and I would also tell him that my 14 year old self could not have begun to

year old self could not have begun to

year old self could not have begun to formulate the words to tell him about

formulate the words to tell him about

formulate the words to tell him about all the hopes and dreams that I had for

all the hopes and dreams that I had for

all the hopes and dreams that I had for him how his life was somehow going to be

him how his life was somehow going to be

him how his life was somehow going to be different it would be better at the time

different it would be better at the time

different it would be better at the time I didn’t know what better could look

I didn’t know what better could look

I didn’t know what better could look like but I knew that I would find it for

like but I knew that I would find it for

like but I knew that I would find it for him and in a moment of real transparency

him and in a moment of real transparency

him and in a moment of real transparency I would tell him if I had to go back and

I would tell him if I had to go back and

I would tell him if I had to go back and do it all over again I would choose a

do it all over again I would choose a

do it all over again I would choose a different death I married a wonderful

different death I married a wonderful

different death I married a wonderful man who’s been in his life since he was

man who’s been in his life since he was

man who’s been in his life since he was two years old but there is absolutely

two years old but there is absolutely

two years old but there is absolutely nothing that can take away the hole left

nothing that can take away the hole left

nothing that can take away the hole left in the heart of a child by the absence

in the heart of a child by the absence

in the heart of a child by the absence of a parent I would apologize profusely

of a parent I would apologize profusely

of a parent I would apologize profusely I would encourage my son to take that

I would encourage my son to take that

I would encourage my son to take that pain that is sure to be experiencing

pain that is sure to be experiencing

pain that is sure to be experiencing from that loss and use it to find

from that loss and use it to find

from that loss and use it to find himself to do better and to be better I

himself to do better and to be better I

himself to do better and to be better I would also tell him that he can thank me

would also tell him that he can thank me

would also tell him that he can thank me for his dashing good looks those must

for his dashing good looks those must

for his dashing good looks those must have come from me but mostly I would

have come from me but mostly I would

have come from me but mostly I would just thank him thank him for being my

just thank him thank him for being my

just thank him thank him for being my motivation my inspiration the pressure

motivation my inspiration the pressure

motivation my inspiration the pressure that I needed to become the woman I am

that I needed to become the woman I am

that I needed to become the woman I am today it’s funny my son and I were

today it’s funny my son and I were

today it’s funny my son and I were experiencing the world in totally

experiencing the world in totally

experiencing the world in totally different ways yet existing

different ways yet existing

different ways yet existing same time in history this pressure that

same time in history this pressure that

same time in history this pressure that I’m speaking up certainly taught me to

I’m speaking up certainly taught me to

I’m speaking up certainly taught me to trust my instincts and build grit and

trust my instincts and build grit and

trust my instincts and build grit and character muscle necessary for the

character muscle necessary for the

character muscle necessary for the journey ahead but it is the very same

journey ahead but it is the very same

journey ahead but it is the very same kind of pressure that I’ve spent my

kind of pressure that I’ve spent my

kind of pressure that I’ve spent my entire life shielding my son from

entire life shielding my son from

entire life shielding my son from fortunately there is no incubator big

fortunately there is no incubator big

fortunately there is no incubator big enough to hold a 23 year old man so the

enough to hold a 23 year old man so the

enough to hold a 23 year old man so the pressures of life they will surely come

pressures of life they will surely come

pressures of life they will surely come for him and my hope is that he will see

for him and my hope is that he will see

for him and my hope is that he will see them as an opportunity and as a

them as an opportunity and as a

them as an opportunity and as a privilege and he would grow from them

privilege and he would grow from them

privilege and he would grow from them pressure is this thing that we try to

pressure is this thing that we try to

pressure is this thing that we try to avoid at all costs

avoid at all costs

avoid at all costs yet it can build strength and grit and

yet it can build strength and grit and

yet it can build strength and grit and resiliency and all the things that help

resiliency and all the things that help

resiliency and all the things that help us to discover who we truly are in the

us to discover who we truly are in the

us to discover who we truly are in the face of adversity and though it can be

face of adversity and though it can be

face of adversity and though it can be painful it can help us to become our

painful it can help us to become our

painful it can help us to become our best selves and fulfill our unique

best selves and fulfill our unique

best selves and fulfill our unique purpose on this earth pressure

”

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