Power Without Press: The Foundation of Authentic Communication | Rena Cook | TEDxOU

[Applause]

[Applause] hi my name is Reena cook and I’m here to

hi my name is Reena cook and I’m here to

hi my name is Reena cook and I’m here to I don’t have anything really new to know

I don’t have anything really new to know

I don’t have anything really new to know wait hey my name is Reena cook and I am

wait hey my name is Reena cook and I am

wait hey my name is Reena cook and I am here to lay it down for you and I am too

here to lay it down for you and I am too

here to lay it down for you and I am too sexy for my no wait hello my name is

sexy for my no wait hello my name is

sexy for my no wait hello my name is Reena cook and I am here today to talk

Reena cook and I am here today to talk

Reena cook and I am here today to talk to you about what I believe is the roots

to you about what I believe is the roots

to you about what I believe is the roots of authentic communication I call it

of authentic communication I call it

of authentic communication I call it power without press I don’t know about

power without press I don’t know about

power without press I don’t know about you but I have been really concerned

you but I have been really concerned

you but I have been really concerned about the state of our nation the state

about the state of our nation the state

about the state of our nation the state of our world it seems right now that we

of our world it seems right now that we

of our world it seems right now that we are so divided and that authentic

are so divided and that authentic

are so divided and that authentic communication is not happening anywhere

communication is not happening anywhere

communication is not happening anywhere not in our own families not at work

not in our own families not at work

not in our own families not at work certainly not in the political dialogue

certainly not in the political dialogue

certainly not in the political dialogue that is all around us all the time so I

that is all around us all the time so I

that is all around us all the time so I have become even more obsessed than I

have become even more obsessed than I

have become even more obsessed than I previously was about helping people

previously was about helping people

previously was about helping people understand how to bridge the gap how to

understand how to bridge the gap how to

understand how to bridge the gap how to reach out and have authentic

reach out and have authentic

reach out and have authentic communication now before I go in to

communication now before I go in to

communication now before I go in to power without press it might be helpful

power without press it might be helpful

power without press it might be helpful to know that I trained actors my entire

to know that I trained actors my entire

to know that I trained actors my entire adult life now I started life as a

adult life now I started life as a

adult life now I started life as a singer actor dancer and thought I was

singer actor dancer and thought I was

singer actor dancer and thought I was bound for Broadway but I quickly

bound for Broadway but I quickly

bound for Broadway but I quickly discovered that teaching was where it

discovered that teaching was where it

discovered that teaching was where it was for me

was for me

was for me teaching is about us whereas performing

teaching is about us whereas performing

teaching is about us whereas performing is all about me right not only that but

is all about me right not only that but

is all about me right not only that but what did you think of my performance I

what did you think of my performance I

what did you think of my performance I know right

know right

know right I wanted to be a teacher Theater was all

I wanted to be a teacher Theater was all

I wanted to be a teacher Theater was all I knew so I trained actors

I knew so I trained actors

I knew so I trained actors well I trained actors my entire adult

well I trained actors my entire adult

well I trained actors my entire adult life up until two and a half years ago

life up until two and a half years ago

life up until two and a half years ago and the thing that I taught actors was

and the thing that I taught actors was

and the thing that I taught actors was how to be grounded and centered and

how to be grounded and centered and

how to be grounded and centered and authentic well about 17 years ago I

authentic well about 17 years ago I

authentic well about 17 years ago I became obsessed with voice and body and

became obsessed with voice and body and

became obsessed with voice and body and realized if the voice and body are not

realized if the voice and body are not

realized if the voice and body are not present nothing else matters

present nothing else matters

present nothing else matters so I quit my job I was working at OSU at

so I quit my job I was working at OSU at

so I quit my job I was working at OSU at the time please forgive me for a while I

the time please forgive me for a while I

the time please forgive me for a while I did bleed orange I quit my job at OSU

did bleed orange I quit my job at OSU

did bleed orange I quit my job at OSU and went to London for a year and

and went to London for a year and

and went to London for a year and studied voice and body movement at the

studied voice and body movement at the

studied voice and body movement at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama

Royal Central School of Speech and Drama

Royal Central School of Speech and Drama and I became very deeply acquainted with

and I became very deeply acquainted with

and I became very deeply acquainted with a man named David Carrey and he embodied

a man named David Carrey and he embodied

a man named David Carrey and he embodied what I have come to call power without

what I have come to call power without

what I have come to call power without press in every class he taught in every

press in every class he taught in every

press in every class he taught in every group he was in he was the most powerful

group he was in he was the most powerful

group he was in he was the most powerful man without ever putting out any effort

man without ever putting out any effort

man without ever putting out any effort to be that he was relaxed and

to be that he was relaxed and

to be that he was relaxed and comfortable and soft and powerful and

comfortable and soft and powerful and

comfortable and soft and powerful and smart whatever he said people listened

smart whatever he said people listened

smart whatever he said people listened and not only that but he had the

and not only that but he had the

and not only that but he had the capacity to listen to others to take

capacity to listen to others to take

capacity to listen to others to take others into his world and I watched him

others into his world and I watched him

others into his world and I watched him for a year every day for a year

for a year every day for a year

for a year every day for a year trying to decide what is it is it a

trying to decide what is it is it a

trying to decide what is it is it a talent that you’re born with

talent that you’re born with

talent that you’re born with is it a skill that you learn well

is it a skill that you learn well

is it a skill that you learn well through teaching actors I have come to

through teaching actors I have come to

through teaching actors I have come to believe that power without press can be

believe that power without press can be

believe that power without press can be taught

taught

taught now I introduced you to two characters

now I introduced you to two characters

now I introduced you to two characters when I started remember her yeah I call

when I started remember her yeah I call

when I started remember her yeah I call her miss denial my energy is folded in

her miss denial my energy is folded in

her miss denial my energy is folded in on itself my shoulders are forward my

on itself my shoulders are forward my

on itself my shoulders are forward my chin is up and my voice is creepy and my

chin is up and my voice is creepy and my

chin is up and my voice is creepy and my breath is high and anything I say to you

breath is high and anything I say to you

breath is high and anything I say to you you are not gonna believe and because I

you are not gonna believe and because I

you are not gonna believe and because I am in this position my amygdala is

am in this position my amygdala is

am in this position my amygdala is firing red-hot and I’m in panic mode and

firing red-hot and I’m in panic mode and

firing red-hot and I’m in panic mode and so nothing you say to me is going to

so nothing you say to me is going to

so nothing you say to me is going to enter this body and then I introduced

enter this body and then I introduced

enter this body and then I introduced you to Miss Bluff yeah we recognize this

you to Miss Bluff yeah we recognize this

you to Miss Bluff yeah we recognize this character yeah you’ve seen her or him

character yeah you’ve seen her or him

character yeah you’ve seen her or him shoulders pulled back the chest is out

shoulders pulled back the chest is out

shoulders pulled back the chest is out the chin is up the weight is cocked off

the chin is up the weight is cocked off

the chin is up the weight is cocked off to one hip and the voice is kind of

to one hip and the voice is kind of

to one hip and the voice is kind of harsh so I may have the most power in

harsh so I may have the most power in

harsh so I may have the most power in the room because everybody else just

the room because everybody else just

the room because everybody else just gives up and sits down yeah not gonna

gives up and sits down yeah not gonna

gives up and sits down yeah not gonna fight with that and nothing is going to

fight with that and nothing is going to

fight with that and nothing is going to come in to me either but when I adjust

come in to me either but when I adjust

come in to me either but when I adjust my body things change and I just want

my body things change and I just want

my body things change and I just want you to be aware of how you perceive me

you to be aware of how you perceive me

you to be aware of how you perceive me from here to here to here how available

from here to here to here how available

from here to here to here how available am I to you and how much more available

am I to you and how much more available

am I to you and how much more available you are to me let me break this down for

you are to me let me break this down for

you are to me let me break this down for you my feet are hip-width apart my toes

you my feet are hip-width apart my toes

you my feet are hip-width apart my toes are pointed mostly straight ahead my

are pointed mostly straight ahead my

are pointed mostly straight ahead my weight is evenly distributed over the

weight is evenly distributed over the

weight is evenly distributed over the balls of my foot and the heel my knees

balls of my foot and the heel my knees

balls of my foot and the heel my knees are soft

are soft

are soft locked knees do this the minute I lock

locked knees do this the minute I lock

locked knees do this the minute I lock my knees I go into a form of Miss Bluff

my knees I go into a form of Miss Bluff

my knees I go into a form of Miss Bluff you can hear the difference in my voice

you can hear the difference in my voice

you can hear the difference in my voice you can probably also feel the

you can probably also feel the

you can probably also feel the difference in my energy i soften my

difference in my energy i soften my

difference in my energy i soften my knees and I’m back I am breathing deeply

knees and I’m back I am breathing deeply

knees and I’m back I am breathing deeply and centrally my breath is going all the

and centrally my breath is going all the

and centrally my breath is going all the way down to my belly when I inhale my

way down to my belly when I inhale my

way down to my belly when I inhale my belly goes out when I exhale my belly

belly goes out when I exhale my belly

belly goes out when I exhale my belly gently engages toward my spine we all

gently engages toward my spine we all

gently engages toward my spine we all know about yoga breathing deep central

know about yoga breathing deep central

know about yoga breathing deep central breathing if you do any kind of musical

breathing if you do any kind of musical

breathing if you do any kind of musical instrument a wind instrument or you’re

instrument a wind instrument or you’re

instrument a wind instrument or you’re into athletics or you’re a singer you

into athletics or you’re a singer you

into athletics or you’re a singer you know about deep central breathing but as

know about deep central breathing but as

know about deep central breathing but as communicators we don’t understand how

communicators we don’t understand how

communicators we don’t understand how crucially important deep central

crucially important deep central

crucially important deep central breathing is to every moment of

breathing is to every moment of

breathing is to every moment of communication particularly when things

communication particularly when things

communication particularly when things get a little triggered and our breath

get a little triggered and our breath

get a little triggered and our breath goes high and we go oh god oh god oh god

goes high and we go oh god oh god oh god

goes high and we go oh god oh god oh god what am I going to say yeah if I check

what am I going to say yeah if I check

what am I going to say yeah if I check back in with deep central breathing I am

back in with deep central breathing I am

back in with deep central breathing I am back on board my amygdala stops firing

back on board my amygdala stops firing

back on board my amygdala stops firing my prefrontal cortex comes back and all

my prefrontal cortex comes back and all

my prefrontal cortex comes back and all of that through the magic of deep

of that through the magic of deep

of that through the magic of deep central breathing now notice my

central breathing now notice my

central breathing now notice my shoulders when I’m in denial my

shoulders when I’m in denial my

shoulders when I’m in denial my shoulders are rounded forward when I’m

shoulders are rounded forward when I’m

shoulders are rounded forward when I’m in Bluff my shoulders go back when I am

in Bluff my shoulders go back when I am

in Bluff my shoulders go back when I am in power without press there is no

in power without press there is no

in power without press there is no effort across here my shoulders are

effort across here my shoulders are

effort across here my shoulders are relaxed and down in their natural and

relaxed and down in their natural and

relaxed and down in their natural and authentic position my head and neck long

authentic position my head and neck long

authentic position my head and neck long back of neck soft front of neck look

back of neck soft front of neck look

back of neck soft front of neck look what happens when I lift my chin you can

what happens when I lift my chin you can

what happens when I lift my chin you can hear it in my voice yeah this is part of

hear it in my voice yeah this is part of

hear it in my voice yeah this is part of the bluff thing

the bluff thing

the bluff thing it’s also part of a people-pleaser thing

it’s also part of a people-pleaser thing

it’s also part of a people-pleaser thing please like me the chin comes up when

please like me the chin comes up when

please like me the chin comes up when that happens

that happens

that happens anatomically you are stressing the

anatomically you are stressing the

anatomically you are stressing the amygdala which causes it to start firing

amygdala which causes it to start firing

amygdala which causes it to start firing which triggers fight-or-flight and shuts

which triggers fight-or-flight and shuts

which triggers fight-or-flight and shuts down your prefrontal cortex which is

down your prefrontal cortex which is

down your prefrontal cortex which is your brain it shuts down your ability to

your brain it shuts down your ability to

your brain it shuts down your ability to think clearly and to listen

think clearly and to listen

think clearly and to listen empathetically so it’s long back of neck

empathetically so it’s long back of neck

empathetically so it’s long back of neck soft front of neck with chin parallel to

soft front of neck with chin parallel to

soft front of neck with chin parallel to the floor that is power without press I

the floor that is power without press I

the floor that is power without press I am owning my authentic power without

am owning my authentic power without

am owning my authentic power without denying it without pushing it in your

denying it without pushing it in your

denying it without pushing it in your face I am present and when I am present

face I am present and when I am present

face I am present and when I am present in my authentic power without press I

in my authentic power without press I

in my authentic power without press I can also hear and listen empathetically

can also hear and listen empathetically

can also hear and listen empathetically to what you are saying and I am free to

to what you are saying and I am free to

to what you are saying and I am free to respond from my heart now I’m going to

respond from my heart now I’m going to

respond from my heart now I’m going to teach this to you and I was so glad that

teach this to you and I was so glad that

teach this to you and I was so glad that Clarke got us on our feet early kind of

Clarke got us on our feet early kind of

Clarke got us on our feet early kind of got you warmed up for this so I want you

got you warmed up for this so I want you

got you warmed up for this so I want you all to stand up did I hear somebody

all to stand up did I hear somebody

all to stand up did I hear somebody groan back there you heard it alright

groan back there you heard it alright

groan back there you heard it alright now I want you to show me your familiar

now I want you to show me your familiar

now I want you to show me your familiar stance and this is your familiar when

stance and this is your familiar when

stance and this is your familiar when you’re waiting in the checkout line you

you’re waiting in the checkout line you

you’re waiting in the checkout line you know you’re looking oh she’s the fastest

know you’re looking oh she’s the fastest

know you’re looking oh she’s the fastest I’m going there the minute you get in

I’m going there the minute you get in

I’m going there the minute you get in her line she slows down and so you stand

her line she slows down and so you stand

her line she slows down and so you stand and wait

and wait

and wait alright now in this familiar alignment

alright now in this familiar alignment

alright now in this familiar alignment I’m gonna give you a line of text to say

I’m gonna give you a line of text to say

I’m gonna give you a line of text to say yeah and your line is hello my name is

yeah and your line is hello my name is

yeah and your line is hello my name is your first and last name and I am so

your first and last name and I am so

your first and last name and I am so glad to be here that’s all and that is

glad to be here that’s all and that is

glad to be here that’s all and that is hello my name is and I am so glad to be

hello my name is and I am so glad to be

hello my name is and I am so glad to be here now all together in your familiar

here now all together in your familiar

here now all together in your familiar tell me go hello

good that’s a great place to start from

good that’s a great place to start from where we typically communicate now find

where we typically communicate now find

where we typically communicate now find your feet hip-width apart

your feet hip-width apart

your feet hip-width apart weight evenly distributed come forward

weight evenly distributed come forward

weight evenly distributed come forward on the ball of your foot until you feel

on the ball of your foot until you feel

on the ball of your foot until you feel your toes dig in to keep you from

your toes dig in to keep you from

your toes dig in to keep you from falling that’s too far

falling that’s too far

falling that’s too far put your weight back on your heels where

put your weight back on your heels where

put your weight back on your heels where you feel your toes come up to keep you

you feel your toes come up to keep you

you feel your toes come up to keep you from falling backwards that’s too far

from falling backwards that’s too far

from falling backwards that’s too far come forward and feel the weight evenly

come forward and feel the weight evenly

come forward and feel the weight evenly distributed soften your knees

distributed soften your knees

distributed soften your knees yeah just for jollies to show you how

yeah just for jollies to show you how

yeah just for jollies to show you how powerful this is lock your knees and say

powerful this is lock your knees and say

powerful this is lock your knees and say your line hello it’s hard to talk with

your line hello it’s hard to talk with

your line hello it’s hard to talk with your knees locked soften say your line

your knees locked soften say your line

your knees locked soften say your line again go

the warmth of your collective sound was

the warmth of your collective sound was off the charts when you released your

off the charts when you released your

off the charts when you released your knees and it felt better didn’t it all

knees and it felt better didn’t it all

knees and it felt better didn’t it all right now this deep central breath right

right now this deep central breath right

right now this deep central breath right here yeah put your hand on your belly

here yeah put your hand on your belly

here yeah put your hand on your belly and forget about sucking in your tummy

and forget about sucking in your tummy

and forget about sucking in your tummy to have the smallest waistline ever

to have the smallest waistline ever

to have the smallest waistline ever we’ve got to just let that go it’s all

we’ve got to just let that go it’s all

we’ve got to just let that go it’s all about the belly

about the belly

about the belly yeah blow all of your air out hard and

yeah blow all of your air out hard and

yeah blow all of your air out hard and fast like this and then wait don’t take

fast like this and then wait don’t take

fast like this and then wait don’t take in a breath until you really need one

in a breath until you really need one

in a breath until you really need one and let a breath drop in by releasing

and let a breath drop in by releasing

and let a breath drop in by releasing your abdominal muscles go yeah about

your abdominal muscles go yeah about

your abdominal muscles go yeah about half of you did that right I could tell

half of you did that right I could tell

half of you did that right I could tell blow it out again real hard and fast and

blow it out again real hard and fast and

blow it out again real hard and fast and wait until you need a breath and then

wait until you need a breath and then

wait until you need a breath and then let a breath drop in by releasing your

let a breath drop in by releasing your

let a breath drop in by releasing your abdominal muscles go good that’s

abdominal muscles go good that’s

abdominal muscles go good that’s abdominal release on the inhale whenever

abdominal release on the inhale whenever

abdominal release on the inhale whenever you are communicating just allow your

you are communicating just allow your

you are communicating just allow your belly to release when you need to take

belly to release when you need to take

belly to release when you need to take in a breath and the breath will be down

in a breath and the breath will be down

in a breath and the breath will be down there and I just want you to spend a few

there and I just want you to spend a few

there and I just want you to spend a few seconds breathing deeper slower quieter

seconds breathing deeper slower quieter

seconds breathing deeper slower quieter calmer deeper slower quieter calmer good

calmer deeper slower quieter calmer good

calmer deeper slower quieter calmer good now just be aware of your shoulders just

now just be aware of your shoulders just

now just be aware of your shoulders just jostle your shoulders a little bit and

jostle your shoulders a little bit and

jostle your shoulders a little bit and then let them drop there you go long

then let them drop there you go long

then let them drop there you go long back of neck just feel this part of your

back of neck just feel this part of your

back of neck just feel this part of your neck just floating up it’s not like a

neck just floating up it’s not like a

neck just floating up it’s not like a cat’s on my back it’s just easy and your

cat’s on my back it’s just easy and your

cat’s on my back it’s just easy and your chin is parallel to the floor

chin is parallel to the floor

chin is parallel to the floor now I want you to take a deep central

now I want you to take a deep central

now I want you to take a deep central breath and say your line again go

yes you guys are amazing didn’t that

yes you guys are amazing didn’t that feel fabulous have a seat

best audience ever that is power without

best audience ever that is power without press never go in to an important

press never go in to an important

press never go in to an important conversation without checking in with

conversation without checking in with

conversation without checking in with your body first if someone says to me

your body first if someone says to me

your body first if someone says to me yeah Reena but I just get triggered then

yeah Reena but I just get triggered then

yeah Reena but I just get triggered then you have not done your prep work if you

you have not done your prep work if you

you have not done your prep work if you prepare your body it doesn’t matter what

prepare your body it doesn’t matter what

prepare your body it doesn’t matter what your emotions are doing your body can

your emotions are doing your body can

your emotions are doing your body can control your emotions putting your body

control your emotions putting your body

control your emotions putting your body in the right place and getting the

in the right place and getting the

in the right place and getting the breath deep in your Center prepares you

breath deep in your Center prepares you

breath deep in your Center prepares you to have those difficult conversations

to have those difficult conversations

to have those difficult conversations prepares you to be present when someone

prepares you to be present when someone

prepares you to be present when someone needs to have a difficult conversation

needs to have a difficult conversation

needs to have a difficult conversation with you whether it’s a sales situation

with you whether it’s a sales situation

with you whether it’s a sales situation one-on-one in your home one on one at

one-on-one in your home one on one at

one-on-one in your home one on one at work a small group or a large auditorium

work a small group or a large auditorium

work a small group or a large auditorium you are ready to share the best of

you are ready to share the best of

you are ready to share the best of yourself and to receive the best that

yourself and to receive the best that

yourself and to receive the best that the people or person you are dealing

the people or person you are dealing

the people or person you are dealing with has to give you this simple

with has to give you this simple

with has to give you this simple technique of power without press can be

technique of power without press can be

technique of power without press can be medicine for our troubled families

medicine for our troubled families

medicine for our troubled families troubled communities troubled world it

troubled communities troubled world it

troubled communities troubled world it can also just be glorious to have a

can also just be glorious to have a

can also just be glorious to have a wonderful conversation with a wonderful

wonderful conversation with a wonderful

wonderful conversation with a wonderful friend when you are both breathing

friend when you are both breathing

friend when you are both breathing centrally and sharing the space of power

centrally and sharing the space of power

centrally and sharing the space of power without press thank you all so much for

without press thank you all so much for

without press thank you all so much for your time today

your time today

your time today [Applause]