when she transformed into a butterfly the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty
the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty
the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty but of her weirdness they wanted her to
but of her weirdness they wanted her to
but of her weirdness they wanted her to change back into what she had always
change back into what she had always
change back into what she had always been but she had wings
been but she had wings
been but she had wings my daughter is transgender and the story
my daughter is transgender and the story
my daughter is transgender and the story of the caterpillar and the butterfly is
of the caterpillar and the butterfly is
of the caterpillar and the butterfly is something that we see quite frequently
something that we see quite frequently
something that we see quite frequently in the trans community and support
in the trans community and support
in the trans community and support groups because when you think about it
groups because when you think about it
groups because when you think about it when a person transforms their life from
when a person transforms their life from
when a person transforms their life from presenting as the gender that they were
presenting as the gender that they were
presenting as the gender that they were assigned at Birth into the opposite
assigned at Birth into the opposite
assigned at Birth into the opposite gender or no gender or somewhere in
gender or no gender or somewhere in
gender or no gender or somewhere in between
between
between everyone is going to take notice we’re
everyone is going to take notice we’re
everyone is going to take notice we’re going to finally see them for the first
going to finally see them for the first
going to finally see them for the first time as they see themselves and that is
time as they see themselves and that is
time as they see themselves and that is a thing of beauty but unfortunately in
a thing of beauty but unfortunately in
a thing of beauty but unfortunately in our world we also have people who don’t
our world we also have people who don’t
our world we also have people who don’t see it as a thing of beauty they see a
see it as a thing of beauty they see a
see it as a thing of beauty they see a trans person as weird and they’re not
trans person as weird and they’re not
trans person as weird and they’re not shy about telling you that they will
shy about telling you that they will
shy about telling you that they will scream and shout out they will stomp
scream and shout out they will stomp
scream and shout out they will stomp their feet they will go online and leave
their feet they will go online and leave
their feet they will go online and leave horrendous comments calling you crazy or
horrendous comments calling you crazy or
horrendous comments calling you crazy or not real and disingenuous and so many
not real and disingenuous and so many
not real and disingenuous and so many horrible things all because you chose to
horrible things all because you chose to
horrible things all because you chose to show the world who you really are now
show the world who you really are now
show the world who you really are now the transition
the transition
the transition the transformation could be as simple as
the transformation could be as simple as
the transformation could be as simple as a name change and pronoun change maybe a
a name change and pronoun change maybe a
a name change and pronoun change maybe a haircut maybe some new clothes but if
haircut maybe some new clothes but if
haircut maybe some new clothes but if someone’s old enough it could include
someone’s old enough it could include
someone’s old enough it could include medical interventions like hormone
medical interventions like hormone
medical interventions like hormone therapy or one or more surgeries but we
therapy or one or more surgeries but we
therapy or one or more surgeries but we still have the chance to see the person
still have the chance to see the person
still have the chance to see the person that the person is on the inside through
that the person is on the inside through
that the person is on the inside through those changes I could tell you that that
those changes I could tell you that that
those changes I could tell you that that analogy is pretty much all you need to
analogy is pretty much all you need to
analogy is pretty much all you need to know it’s as simple as it gets but it’s
know it’s as simple as it gets but it’s
know it’s as simple as it gets but it’s so much more complicated and that could
so much more complicated and that could
so much more complicated and that could take so much time to get to the point of
take so much time to get to the point of
take so much time to get to the point of feeling the freedom of having your wings
feeling the freedom of having your wings
feeling the freedom of having your wings where you get to leave behind all the
where you get to leave behind all the
where you get to leave behind all the negativity of the caterpillars who are
negativity of the caterpillars who are
negativity of the caterpillars who are still down there clinging to their
still down there clinging to their
still down there clinging to their branches but I’m not here to talk to you
branches but I’m not here to talk to you
branches but I’m not here to talk to you about that today
about that today
about that today I’m not here to tell you a story of my
I’m not here to tell you a story of my
I’m not here to tell you a story of my daughter I’m not here to tell you the
daughter I’m not here to tell you the
daughter I’m not here to tell you the story of anyone else who’s trans as an
story of anyone else who’s trans as an
story of anyone else who’s trans as an ally that’s not my place it’s not my
ally that’s not my place it’s not my
ally that’s not my place it’s not my role they are their own best champions
role they are their own best champions
role they are their own best champions and they can tell us their own stories
and they can tell us their own stories
and they can tell us their own stories in their own time if or when they choose
in their own time if or when they choose
in their own time if or when they choose to do so but what I can tell you about
to do so but what I can tell you about
to do so but what I can tell you about is my on transform my own transformation
is my on transform my own transformation
is my on transform my own transformation because life this caterpillar I had
because life this caterpillar I had
because life this caterpillar I had tibula through symptoms some significant
tibula through symptoms some significant
tibula through symptoms some significant changes of my own so to give you an idea
changes of my own so to give you an idea
changes of my own so to give you an idea of what that means here’s my background
of what that means here’s my background
of what that means here’s my background I come from a very religious very
I come from a very religious very
I come from a very religious very conservative southern family I went to
conservative southern family I went to
conservative southern family I went to church three times a week when I was
church three times a week when I was
church three times a week when I was growing
growing
growing and I still have to sing the hymns every
and I still have to sing the hymns every
and I still have to sing the hymns every time I hear them played from the church
time I hear them played from the church
time I hear them played from the church bells that I hear in the backyard when
bells that I hear in the backyard when
bells that I hear in the backyard when I’m standing at my house I used to
I’m standing at my house I used to
I’m standing at my house I used to listen to conservative talk shows on the
listen to conservative talk shows on the
listen to conservative talk shows on the radio all day at work and I got all of
radio all day at work and I got all of
radio all day at work and I got all of my news from one particular cable news
my news from one particular cable news
my news from one particular cable news outlets and I voted pretty much straight
outlets and I voted pretty much straight
outlets and I voted pretty much straight ticket for one particular party the
ticket for one particular party the
ticket for one particular party the world that I came from where I grew up
world that I came from where I grew up
world that I came from where I grew up with brothers and my best friends were
with brothers and my best friends were
with brothers and my best friends were boys and I was very much a tomboy so I
boys and I was very much a tomboy so I
boys and I was very much a tomboy so I was looking at my life with a particular
was looking at my life with a particular
was looking at my life with a particular mindset going forward very conservative
mindset going forward very conservative
mindset going forward very conservative my husband and I wanted to have children
my husband and I wanted to have children
my husband and I wanted to have children and because I was a tomboy I wanted to
and because I was a tomboy I wanted to
and because I was a tomboy I wanted to have sons I knew how to relate to them
have sons I knew how to relate to them
have sons I knew how to relate to them girls scared me I had friends who would
girls scared me I had friends who would
girls scared me I had friends who would tell me their stories of their teen
tell me their stories of their teen
tell me their stories of their teen girls and how they were so difficult to
girls and how they were so difficult to
girls and how they were so difficult to raise and particularly with puberty and
raise and particularly with puberty and
raise and particularly with puberty and hormones and the craziness and the drama
hormones and the craziness and the drama
hormones and the craziness and the drama that came with that so I was really
that came with that so I was really
that came with that so I was really happy when we had two sons that were
happy when we had two sons that were
happy when we had two sons that were born to us the irony of course is since
born to us the irony of course is since
born to us the irony of course is since my daughter is transgender I will not be
my daughter is transgender I will not be
my daughter is transgender I will not be buying her those hormones and that is
buying her those hormones and that is
buying her those hormones and that is where one of my lessons comes from be
where one of my lessons comes from be
where one of my lessons comes from be careful what you wish for because the
careful what you wish for because the
careful what you wish for because the universe might decide to teach you a
universe might decide to teach you a
universe might decide to teach you a lesson and laugh at you all the while
lesson and laugh at you all the while
lesson and laugh at you all the while I’m pretty sure when I make a payment
I’m pretty sure when I make a payment
I’m pretty sure when I make a payment for hormone for hormones the universe
for hormone for hormones the universe
for hormone for hormones the universe will be laughing at me so when my
will be laughing at me so when my
will be laughing at me so when my daughter was three years old she started
daughter was three years old she started
daughter was three years old she started to take on things that we generally
to take on things that we generally
to take on things that we generally consider as girl activities she was
consider as girl activities she was
consider as girl activities she was gender non-conforming as
gender non-conforming as
gender non-conforming as one way of putting it she wanted to wear
one way of putting it she wanted to wear
one way of putting it she wanted to wear princess dresses and play with girl toys
princess dresses and play with girl toys
princess dresses and play with girl toys she related to female characters and
she related to female characters and
she related to female characters and cartoons and she called herself a girl
cartoons and she called herself a girl
cartoons and she called herself a girl named during playtime she was the sister
named during playtime she was the sister
named during playtime she was the sister and she was the mom and at first I
and she was the mom and at first I
and she was the mom and at first I thought oh feminine boy okay I have a
thought oh feminine boy okay I have a
thought oh feminine boy okay I have a gay son still so much easier than
gay son still so much easier than
gay son still so much easier than dealing with a girl going through
dealing with a girl going through
dealing with a girl going through puberty later but it was so much more
puberty later but it was so much more
puberty later but it was so much more than that and we came to realize it
than that and we came to realize it
than that and we came to realize it wasn’t about the toys and it wasn’t
wasn’t about the toys and it wasn’t
wasn’t about the toys and it wasn’t about the dress it was about how she
about the dress it was about how she
about the dress it was about how she felt about herself when she was
felt about herself when she was
felt about herself when she was presenting that way it was so much a
presenting that way it was so much a
presenting that way it was so much a deeper part of who she was when she was
deeper part of who she was when she was
deeper part of who she was when she was dressed as a boy and treated as a boy
dressed as a boy and treated as a boy
dressed as a boy and treated as a boy she was just depressed and sullen and
she was just depressed and sullen and
she was just depressed and sullen and withdrawn and when she was dressed as a
withdrawn and when she was dressed as a
withdrawn and when she was dressed as a girl and she was calling herself by a
girl and she was calling herself by a
girl and she was calling herself by a girl’s name she was bright and animated
girl’s name she was bright and animated
girl’s name she was bright and animated and bubbly and the smile never left her
and bubbly and the smile never left her
and bubbly and the smile never left her face I didn’t know what that meant and
face I didn’t know what that meant and
face I didn’t know what that meant and the more she insisted and the more she
the more she insisted and the more she
the more she insisted and the more she persisted in this activity we got more
persisted in this activity we got more
persisted in this activity we got more confused about what it could mean it was
confused about what it could mean it was
confused about what it could mean it was clearly a part of her identity by the
clearly a part of her identity by the
clearly a part of her identity by the age of four she told us directly I am a
age of four she told us directly I am a
age of four she told us directly I am a girl on the inside and our head started
girl on the inside and our head started
girl on the inside and our head started spinning what did that mean could a kid
spinning what did that mean could a kid
spinning what did that mean could a kid actually know that they are a different
actually know that they are a different
actually know that they are a different gender were we crazy for and for even
gender were we crazy for and for even
gender were we crazy for and for even considering that she could know
considering that she could know
considering that she could know something like that at her age we have
something like that at her age we have
something like that at her age we have the fears too that a lot of parents have
the fears too that a lot of parents have
the fears too that a lot of parents have where is she getting this idea is she
where is she getting this idea is she
where is she getting this idea is she being abused by someone that she’s
being abused by someone that she’s
being abused by someone that she’s talking about her body in these
talking about her body in these
talking about her body in these frontways is someone filling her head
frontways is someone filling her head
frontways is someone filling her head with these ideas that are saying it’s
with these ideas that are saying it’s
with these ideas that are saying it’s not okay for a boy to wear pink where is
not okay for a boy to wear pink where is
not okay for a boy to wear pink where is this coming from
this coming from
this coming from is there something medically going on
is there something medically going on
is there something medically going on that’s causing her to have a
that’s causing her to have a
that’s causing her to have a misalignment between what her body is
misalignment between what her body is
misalignment between what her body is and who she says she is I realized when
and who she says she is I realized when
and who she says she is I realized when we went to the doctor and we had the
we went to the doctor and we had the
we went to the doctor and we had the pediatrician and children’s
pediatrician and children’s
pediatrician and children’s psychologists and a gender therapist and
psychologists and a gender therapist and
psychologists and a gender therapist and endocrinologist all come together so
endocrinologist all come together so
endocrinologist all come together so many experts so many appointments so
many experts so many appointments so
many experts so many appointments so many doctor visits and so many therapy
many doctor visits and so many therapy
many doctor visits and so many therapy sessions every one of them came back and
sessions every one of them came back and
sessions every one of them came back and told us your daughter has gender
told us your daughter has gender
told us your daughter has gender dysphoria this is who she is and that’s
dysphoria this is who she is and that’s
dysphoria this is who she is and that’s when I knew that I had to change my days
when I knew that I had to change my days
when I knew that I had to change my days as the caterpillar were over I was going
as the caterpillar were over I was going
as the caterpillar were over I was going to have to transform so for me the
to have to transform so for me the
to have to transform so for me the transformation began by doing more
transformation began by doing more
transformation began by doing more research asking more questions I wasn’t
research asking more questions I wasn’t
research asking more questions I wasn’t able to listen to the same people
able to listen to the same people
able to listen to the same people anymore on the radio I was getting so
anymore on the radio I was getting so
anymore on the radio I was getting so angry at what I was hearing because I
angry at what I was hearing because I
angry at what I was hearing because I was told that we were crazy for
was told that we were crazy for
was told that we were crazy for supporting this I was told that it was
supporting this I was told that it was
supporting this I was told that it was bad parenting and poor judgment and we
bad parenting and poor judgment and we
bad parenting and poor judgment and we were going to do more harm than good
were going to do more harm than good
were going to do more harm than good and unfortunately we had our church and
and unfortunately we had our church and
and unfortunately we had our church and our family and our friends who were all
our family and our friends who were all
our family and our friends who were all rejecting us and walking away now we
rejecting us and walking away now we
rejecting us and walking away now we know that as a caterpillar going into
know that as a caterpillar going into
know that as a caterpillar going into the the transformation it has to build
the the transformation it has to build
the the transformation it has to build itself a chrysalis and inside that
itself a chrysalis and inside that
itself a chrysalis and inside that chrysalis there are some things going on
chrysalis there are some things going on
chrysalis there are some things going on that we never stop to think about we
that we never stop to think about we
that we never stop to think about we think about the beautiful outcome at the
think about the beautiful outcome at the
think about the beautiful outcome at the end but what happened
end but what happened
end but what happened inside is really pretty disgusting so it
inside is really pretty disgusting so it
inside is really pretty disgusting so it actually takes the caterpillar putting
actually takes the caterpillar putting
actually takes the caterpillar putting in some enzymes that makes all of its
in some enzymes that makes all of its
in some enzymes that makes all of its body fall apart it it turns into what is
body fall apart it it turns into what is
body fall apart it it turns into what is essentially Caterpillar soup and inside
essentially Caterpillar soup and inside
essentially Caterpillar soup and inside this soup is all that these few little
this soup is all that these few little
this soup is all that these few little remaining cells are going to need to
remaining cells are going to need to
remaining cells are going to need to start rebuilding that the pieces of the
start rebuilding that the pieces of the
start rebuilding that the pieces of the butterfly that we’re going to see later
butterfly that we’re going to see later
butterfly that we’re going to see later if you would have looked at me at that
if you would have looked at me at that
if you would have looked at me at that time and cut me open I would have had
time and cut me open I would have had
time and cut me open I would have had this disgusting caterpillar soup inside
this disgusting caterpillar soup inside
this disgusting caterpillar soup inside of me everything about my world was
of me everything about my world was
of me everything about my world was changing I left my job and my career
changing I left my job and my career
changing I left my job and my career behind so that I could stay home to
behind so that I could stay home to
behind so that I could stay home to home-school her our friends and family
home-school her our friends and family
home-school her our friends and family were gone I felt completely rejected by
were gone I felt completely rejected by
were gone I felt completely rejected by our church who had told us that our
our church who had told us that our
our church who had told us that our daughter was a sinful manifestation and
daughter was a sinful manifestation and
daughter was a sinful manifestation and that she was not welcome in the church I
that she was not welcome in the church I
that she was not welcome in the church I also had to start rebuilding myself so I
also had to start rebuilding myself so I
also had to start rebuilding myself so I went and found some new friends and
went and found some new friends and
went and found some new friends and these were some trans trans adult women
these were some trans trans adult women
these were some trans trans adult women who gave me a safe space where I could
who gave me a safe space where I could
who gave me a safe space where I could go and start speaking to them and asking
go and start speaking to them and asking
go and start speaking to them and asking them my questions and sharing with them
them my questions and sharing with them
them my questions and sharing with them my fears and they were able to answer
my fears and they were able to answer
my fears and they were able to answer questions and acknowledge those fears
questions and acknowledge those fears
questions and acknowledge those fears but reassure me that things could get
but reassure me that things could get
but reassure me that things could get better so this is something that we see
better so this is something that we see
better so this is something that we see the pretty image on the outside and we
the pretty image on the outside and we
the pretty image on the outside and we think that everything is OK inside but
think that everything is OK inside but
think that everything is OK inside but there is really often a lot of chaos and
there is really often a lot of chaos and
there is really often a lot of chaos and turmoil that’s happening inside of us
turmoil that’s happening inside of us
turmoil that’s happening inside of us when something is uncomfortable and
when something is uncomfortable and
when something is uncomfortable and something hurts you have to ask yourself
something hurts you have to ask yourself
something hurts you have to ask yourself why I was really uncomfortable
why I was really uncomfortable
why I was really uncomfortable going through these changing processes
going through these changing processes
going through these changing processes because I had to evaluate a lot of
because I had to evaluate a lot of
because I had to evaluate a lot of things in my life why had it taken my
things in my life why had it taken my
things in my life why had it taken my might why was my first impression with
might why was my first impression with
might why was my first impression with my daughter announcing who she was to
my daughter announcing who she was to
my daughter announcing who she was to think something negative caused it why
think something negative caused it why
think something negative caused it why couldn’t I just think that that was part
couldn’t I just think that that was part
couldn’t I just think that that was part of who she was why did I have to
of who she was why did I have to
of who she was why did I have to reevaluate so many things that I thought
reevaluate so many things that I thought
reevaluate so many things that I thought were facts that had been taught to me
were facts that had been taught to me
were facts that had been taught to me and thing nature of people and I
and thing nature of people and I
and thing nature of people and I realized that so many of those were
realized that so many of those were
realized that so many of those were actually just opinions that had been
actually just opinions that had been
actually just opinions that had been passed on to me as as facts I needed to
passed on to me as as facts I needed to
passed on to me as as facts I needed to evaluate why I had come from a place of
evaluate why I had come from a place of
evaluate why I had come from a place of privilege and was able to not think
privilege and was able to not think
privilege and was able to not think about where I was praying how I was
about where I was praying how I was
about where I was praying how I was voting or who I was listening to and
voting or who I was listening to and
voting or who I was listening to and what channels I got the news because
what channels I got the news because
what channels I got the news because those things have influenced me to think
those things have influenced me to think
those things have influenced me to think a certain way and I had to reeducate
a certain way and I had to reeducate
a certain way and I had to reeducate myself and it was really uncomfortable
myself and it was really uncomfortable
myself and it was really uncomfortable and it’s really uncomfortable to stand
and it’s really uncomfortable to stand
and it’s really uncomfortable to stand here and tell all of you that I had all
here and tell all of you that I had all
here and tell all of you that I had all of those things wrong but I would like
of those things wrong but I would like
of those things wrong but I would like you to see that this is the happy ending
you to see that this is the happy ending
you to see that this is the happy ending the reason that I show the discomfort on
the reason that I show the discomfort on
the reason that I show the discomfort on the journey of getting here is because
the journey of getting here is because
the journey of getting here is because on the other side outside of my
on the other side outside of my
on the other side outside of my chrysalis when I was able to feel the
chrysalis when I was able to feel the
chrysalis when I was able to feel the warmth of the sunshine on me again I had
warmth of the sunshine on me again I had
warmth of the sunshine on me again I had a beautiful family and I’ve been able to
a beautiful family and I’ve been able to
a beautiful family and I’ve been able to hear from people all across the world
hear from people all across the world
hear from people all across the world that because we stand up and we tell our
that because we stand up and we tell our
that because we stand up and we tell our story that they know that they’re not
story that they know that they’re not
story that they know that they’re not alone as they’re raising a child
alone as they’re raising a child
alone as they’re raising a child mind or they know that because my
mind or they know that because my
mind or they know that because my daughter stood in her truth at such a
daughter stood in her truth at such a
daughter stood in her truth at such a young age that they are now at whatever
young age that they are now at whatever
young age that they are now at whatever age they are able to stand in their own
age they are able to stand in their own
age they are able to stand in their own truth and be authentic for the first
truth and be authentic for the first
truth and be authentic for the first time in their lifetime so I would like
time in their lifetime so I would like
time in their lifetime so I would like to leave you with this today and
to leave you with this today and
to leave you with this today and challenge you no matter where you come
challenge you no matter where you come
challenge you no matter where you come from in the world no matter what the
from in the world no matter what the
from in the world no matter what the caterpillars around you are saying no
caterpillars around you are saying no
caterpillars around you are saying no matter what you face in life that might
matter what you face in life that might
matter what you face in life that might be different than the expectations that
be different than the expectations that
be different than the expectations that you’ve had for your life if you’ve faced
you’ve had for your life if you’ve faced
you’ve had for your life if you’ve faced a difficult circumstance and you’re not
a difficult circumstance and you’re not
a difficult circumstance and you’re not sure what the outcome is going to be and
sure what the outcome is going to be and
sure what the outcome is going to be and you’re approaching it with fear if you
you’re approaching it with fear if you
you’re approaching it with fear if you have to reevaluate all of these beliefs
have to reevaluate all of these beliefs
have to reevaluate all of these beliefs that you’ve had in your life
that you’ve had in your life
that you’ve had in your life it’s okay embrace it
it’s okay embrace it
it’s okay embrace it that transformation could be life
that transformation could be life
that transformation could be life changing and it could be the thing that
changing and it could be the thing that
changing and it could be the thing that sets you free and allows you to finally
sets you free and allows you to finally
sets you free and allows you to finally leave things behind find your wings and
leave things behind find your wings and
leave things behind find your wings and fly off onto your own thank you
fly off onto your own thank you
fly off onto your own thank you [Applause]
”
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