Communicating is a natural act.
Already, a few weeks ago,
when you made the move to buy tickets
to come to our conference,
you have expressed the need to communicate with us.
And more simply, raise your hand
those who talked to someone today?
(Laughter)
To his dog, his cat, it works too.
(Laughter)
Anne Christophe is Research Director at the CNRS.
For years,
she is studying the development of cognitive abilities in newborns;
and confirms that the child, from birth,
knows and wants to communicate.
So we all agree, scientific and non-scientific,
that the need and the ability to communicate in humans are innate.
Why a few years later, which is spontaneous and natural at birth,
becomes complicated and conflict-ridden as we grow up?
Let me tell you a story.
I spent part of my childhood in Africa,
where I grew up with my brothers, surrounded by my parents.
My parents loved and love Africa deeply, viscerally,
and wanted to give us an extraordinary childhood,
an exceptional life experience,
I think that at this level, they have very well fulfilled their contract.
Our weekend activities consisted of going
see the hippos swim in the river, walk in the bush.
I had a pig for a pet and my neighbor a monkey!
(Laughter)
But the most beautiful lesson that Africa has given me is an exceptional life lesson
which is a thousand miles from all that!
We are in the 80s,
we live deep in the bush, my father grows sugar cane.
For that, he employs many people,
including those known as cane cutters.
They come, the time of harvest, swell the ranks of the team.
My father is often concerned about the precarious situation of these families,
he does not understand why he has healthy children,
while others die in the villages next door.
One day, MSF contacted my father and told him:
“We will move to the region. “
My father, very excited, invites them to spend a day at the factory.
I remind you that we live 200 km from the nearest hospital.
Being able to offer free health care to his team was unexpected.
He warns everyone:
“Come with your wives, your children,
everyone will be treated, vaccinated for free! “
D-Day comes, my father is feverish,
the doctors are there,
and yet no one shows up,
no one comes to meet the doctors!
The day passes, MSF must leave,
my father is quick to see his teams.
” I do not understand ! What happened ?
Why did no one come? “
And there, a guy says to my father:
“You know, boss, in my life, I’m going to have maybe 8 or 10 kids.
Of these 8 or 10 children,
one or two will die …
It’s like that.
It’s life.
It’s God who decides.
If you bring in the doctors, they will all vaccinate them.
I do not know if I can afford to feed them all. “
My father, as you surely today, was in shock.
This story is horrible!
And yet not so much,
if we accept that everything is a question of point of view!
My father’s problem was to think that his situation was that of others,
it was to think that he had identified the right problem,
and that, therefore, he had the right solution.
I then learned that we want to impose
our points of view, our modes of operation.
We are always convinced to have the right answer, to know.
But most of the time, we are wrong.
For example, at work,
how often do we encounter communication problems?
For 20 years, I have been a director in retail.
My role is to market items correctly,
so that you, consumers, have the taste to buy them.
A few years ago, I remember,
I had a mission:
make a wall of [flip flops]!
(Laughter)
No, no, very big mission, I reassure you.
For novices,
it does not take a bins in merchandising to make a wall of [flip flops]!
I entrusted this to one of my directors and his team.
Thinking of the really simple task, I did not care anymore ..
However,
after a few days, it did not move forward, did not succeed,
the result was not there!
So I went back to my manager and asked him the question:
“Have you been clear on what you wanted? – Yes.
– Did you really explain? – Of course.
– Did you go back to see the person to re-explain
and ask why it was not moving forward?
– Yes, I did all that.
– How did you re-explain?
– In the same way as the first time. “
Everything was said.
My director took for granted
that the person to whom he had entrusted the task
would have the same point of view as him about the situation,
the same perception of the task at hand.
Summer is only six weeks in Quebec,
I was already getting [combinations] of winter
and my [flip flops] were still not selling.
The problem my director had just had,
it is to think of knowing in the place of the other person.
He had just forgotten that the indispensable step of good communication,
when we want to convey information,
is to accept that the other can have a different point of view on the situation,
and especially,
that difference may prevent him from doing his job properly.
I think you’re saying, “It’s traps, I do not fall in there. “
At the entrance, you were given a sheet of paper.
Yes, you will understand why.
I’m going to ask you to take that piece of paper, please.
(Noise of leaves)
We will do a little exercise, which is very simple.
I will ask you to listen to the instructions.
You will first close your eyes,
perform the tasks I’m going to give you,
and especially do not speak or ask questions.
Let’s go!
I will ask you to fold the sheet in half.
(Noise of leaves)
Turn the sheet to the right,
fold the sheet in half.
(Noise of leaves)
Tear the top right corner.
(Noise of leaves)
Turn the sheet to the left.
Tear the top left corner.
(Noise of leaves)
Fold the sheet one last time in half.
(Noise of leaves)
And finally tear the corner at the bottom right.
(Noise of leaves)
He is hard, that one! She is very folded the sheet ..
(Laughter)
I’m going to ask you to open your eyes, to unfold your leaves,
and climb them over your heads so that everyone can see them.
(Laughter)
Very beautiful [creations] there, beautiful!
(Laughter)
I have some questions for you.
Do you find the exercise complicated?
Was the vocabulary too elaborate?
Did the task require a particular qualification?
No !
So why so many differences?
Because everything is a question of perception!
This exercise is the proof
that we all have a different point of view on the same situation.
And to accept this difference is already a step towards better communication!
I wanted to tell you one last year,
who came to my grandfather.
We are in the 40s,
my grandparents live in Africa already.
(Laughter)
At this time, famine and drought rage.
One day, my grandfather is summoned to be sworn in a lawsuit,
a trial for cannibalism.
Yes ! Cannibalism!
The old man who is judged that day must explain
why he ate his child.
That’s what he said:
“We had nothing to eat.
My son was dead and I decided to eat him to survive,
to try to save the rest of my family, the rest of my village.
If I did not do it, we would all be dead.
Somewhere, by his death, he helped us,
he helped his family. “
This story is horrible, unjustifiable, unspeakable!
I always wonder how my grandfather,
this being of incredible goodness,
could legally judge a situation of great injustice.
This experience is really proof of a dead end communication,
endless, impossible, irreversible.
If my grandfather did not have that choice,
we have millions of opportunities to change the way we communicate
every day, accepting the point of view of the other.
What Africa taught me
it is that we always want to impose our points of view, our experiences,
our modes of operation,
thus spoiling the indispensable step of good communication:
the acceptance of the difference of perception of the other!
Accept this difference,
it is to accept that a problem can have several solutions,
a story, several purposes.
It is to accept that the exchange will not necessarily happen as we have planned.
It’s accepting that we can be wrong!
Maybe we should re-learn to communicate?
TEDx teaches us to share ideas,
and if we first learn to respect them?
Thank you !
(Applause)
”
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