hello I’m Aussie and unfortunately I don’t have a big idea to share with you
don’t have a big idea to share with you
don’t have a big idea to share with you today instead I brought you a tiny
today instead I brought you a tiny
today instead I brought you a tiny little poem it’s by my favorite Turkish
little poem it’s by my favorite Turkish
little poem it’s by my favorite Turkish poet a man who lost a letter of his name
poet a man who lost a letter of his name
poet a man who lost a letter of his name in a bet it’s titled short and it goes
in a bet it’s titled short and it goes
in a bet it’s titled short and it goes life is short
life is short
life is short birds are flying let me give you an
birds are flying let me give you an
birds are flying let me give you an example I met the love of my life
example I met the love of my life
example I met the love of my life 24 years ago on this very campus she was
24 years ago on this very campus she was
24 years ago on this very campus she was a beautiful smart strong kind
a beautiful smart strong kind
a beautiful smart strong kind enthusiastic plus V major and I had hair
within minutes we connected within an
within minutes we connected within an hour we were friends
hour we were friends
hour we were friends within weeks we started dating and
within weeks we started dating and
within weeks we started dating and within a few years we got married under
within a few years we got married under
within a few years we got married under a giant shuttlecock I had something that
a giant shuttlecock I had something that
a giant shuttlecock I had something that I could not have even dreamed of it’s
I could not have even dreamed of it’s
I could not have even dreamed of it’s not like we both had been looking to get
not like we both had been looking to get
not like we both had been looking to get married we just could never separate we
married we just could never separate we
married we just could never separate we just came together every day we grew
just came together every day we grew
just came together every day we grew together we helped raise each other we
together we helped raise each other we
together we helped raise each other we were lucky to have loving parents and
were lucky to have loving parents and
were lucky to have loving parents and great friends but mostly we had each
great friends but mostly we had each
great friends but mostly we had each other and for many years we fought along
other and for many years we fought along
other and for many years we fought along the way to get to where I should have
the way to get to where I should have
the way to get to where I should have been ecstatic this moment in 2011 I had
been ecstatic this moment in 2011 I had
been ecstatic this moment in 2011 I had a soulmate somebody who stood by me
a soulmate somebody who stood by me
a soulmate somebody who stood by me regardless so what happened we’d had
regardless so what happened we’d had
regardless so what happened we’d had challenges we’d had crazy stories we
challenges we’d had crazy stories we
challenges we’d had crazy stories we suffered not just one but two 7.4
suffered not just one but two 7.4
suffered not just one but two 7.4 earthquakes we managed to escape from a
earthquakes we managed to escape from a
earthquakes we managed to escape from a hotel taken over by 15 armed rebels and
hotel taken over by 15 armed rebels and
hotel taken over by 15 armed rebels and was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis
was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis
was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis I had many bubbles and many bursts
I had many bubbles and many bursts
I had many bubbles and many bursts throughout my career I was a columnist
throughout my career I was a columnist
throughout my career I was a columnist and then I was a retired writer I was a
and then I was a retired writer I was a
and then I was a retired writer I was a movie producer TV producer with a bright
movie producer TV producer with a bright
movie producer TV producer with a bright future and then I had nothing up and
future and then I had nothing up and
future and then I had nothing up and down but all along the way we had each
down but all along the way we had each
down but all along the way we had each other and at this moment I should have
other and at this moment I should have
other and at this moment I should have been full of joy and gratitude that we
been full of joy and gratitude that we
been full of joy and gratitude that we had come from that moment in 92 when I
had come from that moment in 92 when I
had come from that moment in 92 when I met her as a freshman here to this
met her as a freshman here to this
met her as a freshman here to this moment 19 years later and was able to do
moment 19 years later and was able to do
moment 19 years later and was able to do what she loved doing which was
what she loved doing which was
what she loved doing which was connecting people with each other and
connecting people with each other and
connecting people with each other and art and ideas and she worked as an art
art and ideas and she worked as an art
art and ideas and she worked as an art educator and her work was recently
educator and her work was recently
educator and her work was recently recognized there was a symposium last
recognized there was a symposium last
recognized there was a symposium last week at Smith College in her honor where
week at Smith College in her honor where
week at Smith College in her honor where 300 / colleagues attended and I was able
300 / colleagues attended and I was able
300 / colleagues attended and I was able to be a part of that and whatever I did
to be a part of that and whatever I did
to be a part of that and whatever I did she was a part of it but still I
she was a part of it but still I
she was a part of it but still I wanted what we’re all told to want in
wanted what we’re all told to want in
wanted what we’re all told to want in life to live longer to live with
life to live longer to live with
life to live longer to live with financial security to live with
financial security to live with
financial security to live with reputation
reputation
reputation I was the perfectionist it just was
I was the perfectionist it just was
I was the perfectionist it just was never quite good enough and I would be
never quite good enough and I would be
never quite good enough and I would be caught with anxiety and then Anne would
caught with anxiety and then Anne would
caught with anxiety and then Anne would hold me and she would remind me the
hold me and she would remind me the
hold me and she would remind me the title of the autobiography of none other
title of the autobiography of none other
title of the autobiography of none other than Dennis Rodman she would have me say
than Dennis Rodman she would have me say
than Dennis Rodman she would have me say it I’m as bad as I wanna be and it just
it I’m as bad as I wanna be and it just
it I’m as bad as I wanna be and it just was never quite loud enough or strong
was never quite loud enough or strong
was never quite loud enough or strong enough she’d have me shaking and flexing
enough she’d have me shaking and flexing
enough she’d have me shaking and flexing and yelling and then we’d both break out
and yelling and then we’d both break out
and yelling and then we’d both break out and laughter because it was just plain
and laughter because it was just plain
and laughter because it was just plain stupid but that little moment was always
stupid but that little moment was always
stupid but that little moment was always a reminder that no matter what happened
a reminder that no matter what happened
a reminder that no matter what happened we had that so I thought I would have
we had that so I thought I would have
we had that so I thought I would have been ready for anything but shortly
been ready for anything but shortly
been ready for anything but shortly after that vacation that you shall yet
after that vacation that you shall yet
after that vacation that you shall yet that you saw the picture of we came back
that you saw the picture of we came back
that you saw the picture of we came back and got the news that Anne had
and got the news that Anne had
and got the news that Anne had late-stage ovarian cancer something
late-stage ovarian cancer something
late-stage ovarian cancer something where the median ages 62 and Anne was 38
where the median ages 62 and Anne was 38
where the median ages 62 and Anne was 38 years old it was really one in a million
years old it was really one in a million
years old it was really one in a million we couldn’t find a rhyme or reason
we couldn’t find a rhyme or reason
we couldn’t find a rhyme or reason nobody was able to give us an
nobody was able to give us an
nobody was able to give us an explanation it just happened
all the worries all the anxiety nothing
all the worries all the anxiety nothing mattered because here was the real deal
mattered because here was the real deal
mattered because here was the real deal I had spent my life having nightmares
I had spent my life having nightmares
I had spent my life having nightmares about this and that and this was
about this and that and this was
about this and that and this was something that I would have been too
something that I would have been too
something that I would have been too afraid to have a nightmare about and yet
afraid to have a nightmare about and yet
afraid to have a nightmare about and yet this was my life I woke up to it every
this was my life I woke up to it every
this was my life I woke up to it every morning but my strength was in Anne she
morning but my strength was in Anne she
morning but my strength was in Anne she went through a major surgery seven
went through a major surgery seven
went through a major surgery seven liters of cancerous fluid ascites was
liters of cancerous fluid ascites was
liters of cancerous fluid ascites was removed and it came roaring back so she
removed and it came roaring back so she
removed and it came roaring back so she had to go on chemo right away and before
had to go on chemo right away and before
had to go on chemo right away and before we got a chance to get out of the
we got a chance to get out of the
we got a chance to get out of the hospital I had to grab the kids bring
hospital I had to grab the kids bring
hospital I had to grab the kids bring them and and wanted them to cut her hair
them and and wanted them to cut her hair
them and and wanted them to cut her hair and she showed her game face and she
and she showed her game face and she
and she showed her game face and she crushed it she did whatever she could
crushed it she did whatever she could
crushed it she did whatever she could have done with all the effort all the
have done with all the effort all the
have done with all the effort all the fight all the smile and she went into
fight all the smile and she went into
fight all the smile and she went into remission but the surgery wound would
remission but the surgery wound would
remission but the surgery wound would not close for eight months so even when
not close for eight months so even when
not close for eight months so even when she was in remission she still had a
she was in remission she still had a
she was in remission she still had a hole in her belly where you could see
hole in her belly where you could see
hole in her belly where you could see inside her every day when she was being
inside her every day when she was being
inside her every day when she was being treated after that close maybe there
treated after that close maybe there
treated after that close maybe there were two months where we were able to
were two months where we were able to
were two months where we were able to settle down and think you know what
settle down and think you know what
settle down and think you know what maybe this is one and done that would
maybe this is one and done that would
maybe this is one and done that would have given us some semblance of a normal
have given us some semblance of a normal
have given us some semblance of a normal future we could learn from it move live
future we could learn from it move live
future we could learn from it move live even better live more I
even better live more I
even better live more I lost 60 pounds and quit smoking in the
lost 60 pounds and quit smoking in the
lost 60 pounds and quit smoking in the same year I just could have jumped from
same year I just could have jumped from
same year I just could have jumped from a third floor of a building and kept
a third floor of a building and kept
a third floor of a building and kept running it was fight or flight mode we
running it was fight or flight mode we
running it was fight or flight mode we both were going to do whatever it took
both were going to do whatever it took
both were going to do whatever it took but it wasn’t quite enough it came back
but it wasn’t quite enough it came back
but it wasn’t quite enough it came back quickly telling us that we had maybe two
quickly telling us that we had maybe two
quickly telling us that we had maybe two years our Hospital was in Boston which
years our Hospital was in Boston which
years our Hospital was in Boston which is anywhere from one and a half hours to
is anywhere from one and a half hours to
is anywhere from one and a half hours to four hours from where we live we did
four hours from where we live we did
four hours from where we live we did that trip hundreds of times she would
that trip hundreds of times she would
that trip hundreds of times she would get in all day long treatment after
get in all day long treatment after
get in all day long treatment after treatment doctor’s visits I mean we’re
treatment doctor’s visits I mean we’re
treatment doctor’s visits I mean we’re talking 20 $30,000 worth of Hospital in
talking 20 $30,000 worth of Hospital in
talking 20 $30,000 worth of Hospital in one day and we would drive back that way
one day and we would drive back that way
one day and we would drive back that way our kids would be home and comfortable
our kids would be home and comfortable
our kids would be home and comfortable and this is an after one of those trips
and this is an after one of those trips
and this is an after one of those trips it’s around 9 p.m. we’re in a rest area
it’s around 9 p.m. we’re in a rest area
it’s around 9 p.m. we’re in a rest area and she’s been through the wringer and
and she’s been through the wringer and
and she’s been through the wringer and she’s smiling she had made her peace
she’s smiling she had made her peace
she’s smiling she had made her peace with the anger what had happened she
with the anger what had happened she
with the anger what had happened she just was worried about what was next she
just was worried about what was next she
just was worried about what was next she went to an ovarian cancer retreat two
went to an ovarian cancer retreat two
went to an ovarian cancer retreat two years after she was diagnosed she said
years after she was diagnosed she said
years after she was diagnosed she said this was one of her favorite pictures
this was one of her favorite pictures
this was one of her favorite pictures because at this moment she felt free she
because at this moment she felt free she
because at this moment she felt free she said I made my peace with living and
said I made my peace with living and
said I made my peace with living and dying I’m not worried about what comes
dying I’m not worried about what comes
dying I’m not worried about what comes next
next
next I know death will happen
I know death will happen
I know death will happen I’m just going to live now and we would
I’m just going to live now and we would
I’m just going to live now and we would have when presented with a year left to
have when presented with a year left to
have when presented with a year left to live
live
live realistically with maybe make a bucket
realistically with maybe make a bucket
realistically with maybe make a bucket list and didn’t need to she barely
list and didn’t need to she barely
list and didn’t need to she barely changed anything she had been living the
changed anything she had been living the
changed anything she had been living the way she would have been living with one
way she would have been living with one
way she would have been living with one year left to live she didn’t want to
year left to live she didn’t want to
year left to live she didn’t want to travel to exotic places or get this or
travel to exotic places or get this or
travel to exotic places or get this or that she got a lawyer
that she got a lawyer
that she got a lawyer she brought a will she filed for home
she brought a will she filed for home
she brought a will she filed for home loan modification paperwork this thick
loan modification paperwork this thick
loan modification paperwork this thick four times nothing sexy just love and
four times nothing sexy just love and
four times nothing sexy just love and she just wanted to stay connected with
she just wanted to stay connected with
she just wanted to stay connected with the people she loved because that’s what
the people she loved because that’s what
the people she loved because that’s what she did and that year shortly after the
she did and that year shortly after the
she did and that year shortly after the retreat she started having an intestinal
retreat she started having an intestinal
retreat she started having an intestinal blockage so she was able to eat less and
blockage so she was able to eat less and
blockage so she was able to eat less and less and less and finally she could not
less and less and finally she could not
less and less and finally she could not eat any solid foods and we were lucky if
eat any solid foods and we were lucky if
eat any solid foods and we were lucky if we could get 200 calories in her but for
we could get 200 calories in her but for
we could get 200 calories in her but for months
months
months she basically starved and even here a
she basically starved and even here a
she basically starved and even here a few days before she passed away she was
few days before she passed away she was
few days before she passed away she was home with our children Dayton and Ronan
home with our children Dayton and Ronan
home with our children Dayton and Ronan connecting with them she did not stay
connecting with them she did not stay
connecting with them she did not stay there
there
there she had quilts made from her clothes for
she had quilts made from her clothes for
she had quilts made from her clothes for each of our kids
each of our kids
each of our kids she put boats from her favorite book the
she put boats from her favorite book the
she put boats from her favorite book the little prince she recorded YouTube
little prince she recorded YouTube
little prince she recorded YouTube videos for all three of us
videos for all three of us
videos for all three of us what magic mommy sees in Ronin magic
what magic mommy sees in Ronin magic
what magic mommy sees in Ronin magic mommy seasons Aten pump up or Ozzy
mommy seasons Aten pump up or Ozzy
mommy seasons Aten pump up or Ozzy lullaby for Ozzy and our kids had always
lullaby for Ozzy and our kids had always
lullaby for Ozzy and our kids had always been constipated so she had made up a
been constipated so she had made up a
been constipated so she had made up a song called a poop is a wish herb but
song called a poop is a wish herb but
song called a poop is a wish herb but makes she recorded that too she wrote a
makes she recorded that too she wrote a
makes she recorded that too she wrote a love song for me my best friend recorded
love song for me my best friend recorded
love song for me my best friend recorded it we listened to it on her deathbed she
finally thought maybe we can reach out
finally thought maybe we can reach out and say something and maybe grab
and say something and maybe grab
and say something and maybe grab somebody else from ovarian cancer so we
somebody else from ovarian cancer so we
somebody else from ovarian cancer so we reached out to one of my former
reached out to one of my former
reached out to one of my former colleagues in Turkey and told her our
colleagues in Turkey and told her our
colleagues in Turkey and told her our story wanted to raise awareness for
story wanted to raise awareness for
story wanted to raise awareness for ovarian cancer but with the cultural
ovarian cancer but with the cultural
ovarian cancer but with the cultural differences and the fact that here was
differences and the fact that here was
differences and the fact that here was an saying I have a few weeks left but
an saying I have a few weeks left but
an saying I have a few weeks left but life is still beautiful they decided
life is still beautiful they decided
life is still beautiful they decided this was a big story and this interview
this was a big story and this interview
this was a big story and this interview went viral many people were talking
went viral many people were talking
went viral many people were talking about Ann because she had shown what
about Ann because she had shown what
about Ann because she had shown what appeared to be courage and she was
appeared to be courage and she was
appeared to be courage and she was saying
saying
saying I’ve lived beautifully I’m dying
I’ve lived beautifully I’m dying
I’ve lived beautifully I’m dying beautifully I’ve been lucky my whole
beautifully I’ve been lucky my whole
beautifully I’ve been lucky my whole life I met the love of my life I had two
life I met the love of my life I had two
life I met the love of my life I had two great kids I do what I love
great kids I do what I love
great kids I do what I love doing I never said why me then why
doing I never said why me then why
doing I never said why me then why should I say now
should I say now
should I say now she showed incredible grace and when she
she showed incredible grace and when she
she showed incredible grace and when she died she was in the news in Turkey that
died she was in the news in Turkey that
died she was in the news in Turkey that Annie passed away there were tributes to
Annie passed away there were tributes to
Annie passed away there were tributes to her in social media like this one by a
her in social media like this one by a
her in social media like this one by a Turkish designer when aunt passed away I
Turkish designer when aunt passed away I
Turkish designer when aunt passed away I didn’t just lose my past the woman that
didn’t just lose my past the woman that
didn’t just lose my past the woman that I had grown up with that I shared my
I had grown up with that I shared my
I had grown up with that I shared my entire adult life I lost more than a
entire adult life I lost more than a
entire adult life I lost more than a half of me it felt like a tree being cut
half of me it felt like a tree being cut
half of me it felt like a tree being cut down the middle yet I still had to
down the middle yet I still had to
down the middle yet I still had to provide shade and shelter and thrive for
provide shade and shelter and thrive for
provide shade and shelter and thrive for my kids I didn’t want to live but I had
my kids I didn’t want to live but I had
my kids I didn’t want to live but I had to survive and then at Anne’s funeral my
to survive and then at Anne’s funeral my
to survive and then at Anne’s funeral my daughter picked up the mic and said
daughter picked up the mic and said
daughter picked up the mic and said there’s this book from Wally I don’t
there’s this book from Wally I don’t
there’s this book from Wally I don’t want to survive I want to live she said
want to survive I want to live she said
want to survive I want to live she said when you see me running around in the
when you see me running around in the
when you see me running around in the playground laughing singing acting like
playground laughing singing acting like
playground laughing singing acting like nothing happened
nothing happened
nothing happened don’t think I don’t miss my mom I’m just
don’t think I don’t miss my mom I’m just
don’t think I don’t miss my mom I’m just going to live like I promised her I
going to live like I promised her I
going to live like I promised her I would live and Ann had been encouraging
would live and Ann had been encouraging
would live and Ann had been encouraging me as she was dying and starving to find
me as she was dying and starving to find
me as she was dying and starving to find love after her we’d be in each other’s
love after her we’d be in each other’s
love after her we’d be in each other’s for 22 years and yet she was saying
for 22 years and yet she was saying
for 22 years and yet she was saying don’t wait four years I know you’ll
don’t wait four years I know you’ll
don’t wait four years I know you’ll suffer but don’t wait two months don’t
suffer but don’t wait two months don’t
suffer but don’t wait two months don’t care what anybody says even if it’s
care what anybody says even if it’s
care what anybody says even if it’s scandalous don’t care
scandalous don’t care
scandalous don’t care find love find someone who makes you
find love find someone who makes you
find love find someone who makes you happy and a year after Anne died I put
happy and a year after Anne died I put
happy and a year after Anne died I put her on my arm and I put that little poem
her on my arm and I put that little poem
her on my arm and I put that little poem on the back of my hand so I would never
on the back of my hand so I would never
on the back of my hand so I would never forget it because life is short and
forget it because life is short and
forget it because life is short and birds are flying
”
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