I’m your last TEDx speaker for the day and I don’t really have slides or a
and I don’t really have slides or a
and I don’t really have slides or a presentation but i do have a story and
presentation but i do have a story and
presentation but i do have a story and I’ll start off by saying this started in
I’ll start off by saying this started in
I’ll start off by saying this started in 7th grade and it’s the first day of
7th grade and it’s the first day of
7th grade and it’s the first day of school and I’m in a new classroom in
school and I’m in a new classroom in
school and I’m in a new classroom in middle school for the first time and
middle school for the first time and
middle school for the first time and every day on the first I mean every year
every day on the first I mean every year
every day on the first I mean every year on the first day of school the teacher
on the first day of school the teacher
on the first day of school the teacher takes role in a really special way and
takes role in a really special way and
takes role in a really special way and she takes rolled by calling names out
she takes rolled by calling names out
she takes rolled by calling names out loud and this is like your first
loud and this is like your first
loud and this is like your first opportunity to hear everybody else’s
opportunity to hear everybody else’s
opportunity to hear everybody else’s name in your class and I hate this day
name in your class and I hate this day
name in your class and I hate this day because my last name is Zhang so I’m
because my last name is Zhang so I’m
because my last name is Zhang so I’m always the last person to be called and
always the last person to be called and
always the last person to be called and I’m always waiting waiting waiting so I
I’m always waiting waiting waiting so I
I’m always waiting waiting waiting so I developed this habit and this habit was
developed this habit and this habit was
developed this habit and this habit was that I would count all the names in
that I would count all the names in
that I would count all the names in front of me sort of to pass the time and
front of me sort of to pass the time and
front of me sort of to pass the time and also by the time they got to my name I
also by the time they got to my name I
also by the time they got to my name I would know how many people are in this
would know how many people are in this
would know how many people are in this class and this was a nifty number and I
class and this was a nifty number and I
class and this was a nifty number and I like to toss it around in my head so
like to toss it around in my head so
like to toss it around in my head so I’ve been doing this for like seven
I’ve been doing this for like seven
I’ve been doing this for like seven eight years now and so the first day of
eight years now and so the first day of
eight years now and so the first day of school she starts counting I mean she
school she starts counting I mean she
school she starts counting I mean she starts saying names I start counting and
starts saying names I start counting and
starts saying names I start counting and then halfway through this I noticed
then halfway through this I noticed
then halfway through this I noticed something that might seem really obvious
something that might seem really obvious
something that might seem really obvious to many people but at the time it kind
to many people but at the time it kind
to many people but at the time it kind of blew my mind I noticed how people
of blew my mind I noticed how people
of blew my mind I noticed how people always said hello or presented
always said hello or presented
always said hello or presented themselves really differently when they
themselves really differently when they
themselves really differently when they when the teacher calls your name you
when the teacher calls your name you
when the teacher calls your name you either say here present or you raise
either say here present or you raise
either say here present or you raise your hand and some people were shy so
your hand and some people were shy so
your hand and some people were shy so maybe they didn’t say anything maybe
maybe they didn’t say anything maybe
maybe they didn’t say anything maybe they just raised their hand the people
they just raised their hand the people
they just raised their hand the people were outgoing more confident they were
were outgoing more confident they were
were outgoing more confident they were like oh hello howdy or maybe crack a
like oh hello howdy or maybe crack a
like oh hello howdy or maybe crack a joke some people were really distracted
joke some people were really distracted
joke some people were really distracted they were like nudging their friends
they were like nudging their friends
they were like nudging their friends okay like cracking jokes and stuff and
okay like cracking jokes and stuff and
okay like cracking jokes and stuff and maybe they didn’t notice their name
maybe they didn’t notice their name
maybe they didn’t notice their name being called so the teacher I do say it
being called so the teacher I do say it
being called so the teacher I do say it again and they were like oh yeah I’m
again and they were like oh yeah I’m
again and they were like oh yeah I’m here I was thinking about this I was
here I was thinking about this I was
here I was thinking about this I was thinking about how I kind of wanted to
thinking about how I kind of wanted to
thinking about how I kind of wanted to present myself on the first day after
present myself on the first day after
present myself on the first day after all first impressions really important
all first impressions really important
all first impressions really important right so I was thinking oh yeah I want
right so I was thinking oh yeah I want
right so I was thinking oh yeah I want to be brave I want to be confident I
to be brave I want to be confident I
to be brave I want to be confident I want to seem friendly and outgoing and
want to seem friendly and outgoing and
want to seem friendly and outgoing and kind you know I want to present all of
kind you know I want to present all of
kind you know I want to present all of these adjectives in the first word I say
these adjectives in the first word I say
these adjectives in the first word I say so maybe I’ll crack a joke and then the
so maybe I’ll crack a joke and then the
so maybe I’ll crack a joke and then the teacher will laugh and the rest of the
teacher will laugh and the rest of the
teacher will laugh and the rest of the students will laugh and I’ll
students will laugh and I’ll
students will laugh and I’ll make some new friends and I’m going off
make some new friends and I’m going off
make some new friends and I’m going off on this tangent so much so that I don’t
on this tangent so much so that I don’t
on this tangent so much so that I don’t realize that the teacher has already put
realize that the teacher has already put
realize that the teacher has already put her clipboard down and she’s been
her clipboard down and she’s been
her clipboard down and she’s been introducing herself for three minutes so
introducing herself for three minutes so
introducing herself for three minutes so I awaken and then I realized that my
I awaken and then I realized that my
I awaken and then I realized that my name hasn’t been called and then I’m
name hasn’t been called and then I’m
name hasn’t been called and then I’m really embarrassingly have to raise my
really embarrassingly have to raise my
really embarrassingly have to raise my own hand and say well you missed me but
own hand and say well you missed me but
own hand and say well you missed me but for the last five minutes I didn’t
for the last five minutes I didn’t
for the last five minutes I didn’t notice because I was too busy dreaming
notice because I was too busy dreaming
notice because I was too busy dreaming about what I was going to say and this
about what I was going to say and this
about what I was going to say and this is also probably the first inkling I had
is also probably the first inkling I had
is also probably the first inkling I had about how much I cared about what other
about how much I cared about what other
about how much I cared about what other people thought of me because really
people thought of me because really
people thought of me because really retrospectively thinking about it it’s
retrospectively thinking about it it’s
retrospectively thinking about it it’s just one word one word on the first day
just one word one word on the first day
just one word one word on the first day of school why did I have to think so
of school why did I have to think so
of school why did I have to think so much about it right but it was really
much about it right but it was really
much about it right but it was really important to me and it became more and
important to me and it became more and
important to me and it became more and more important throughout my 7th grade
more important throughout my 7th grade
more important throughout my 7th grade year i shrank into myself during seventh
year i shrank into myself during seventh
year i shrank into myself during seventh grade because during the entire year I
grade because during the entire year I
grade because during the entire year I looked around me and everybody else
looked around me and everybody else
looked around me and everybody else seemed like they had their life together
seemed like they had their life together
seemed like they had their life together I looked and I talked and I tried to be
I looked and I talked and I tried to be
I looked and I talked and I tried to be like other people and I thought the only
like other people and I thought the only
like other people and I thought the only way I could make new friends was to
way I could make new friends was to
way I could make new friends was to agree with people you know you like that
agree with people you know you like that
agree with people you know you like that band I like it too I’ve never heard any
band I like it too I’ve never heard any
band I like it too I’ve never heard any of their songs that it’s my favorite
of their songs that it’s my favorite
of their songs that it’s my favorite band so let’s be friends and it didn’t
band so let’s be friends and it didn’t
band so let’s be friends and it didn’t really work out because I didn’t have a
really work out because I didn’t have a
really work out because I didn’t have a lot of friends in middle school and I
lot of friends in middle school and I
lot of friends in middle school and I didn’t talk very much either and it got
didn’t talk very much either and it got
didn’t talk very much either and it got to a point where one day I was
to a point where one day I was
to a point where one day I was presenting a PowerPoint in english and i
presenting a PowerPoint in english and i
presenting a PowerPoint in english and i looked at the board and i was halfway
looked at the board and i was halfway
looked at the board and i was halfway through saying a sentence and then I
through saying a sentence and then I
through saying a sentence and then I choked on a word I couldn’t say it I
choked on a word I couldn’t say it I
choked on a word I couldn’t say it I couldn’t get it out I looked out at my
couldn’t get it out I looked out at my
couldn’t get it out I looked out at my classmates and they were watching me
classmates and they were watching me
classmates and they were watching me struggle with these words and all I saw
struggle with these words and all I saw
struggle with these words and all I saw were judgmental faces well they might
were judgmental faces well they might
were judgmental faces well they might have been maybe sympathizing with me
have been maybe sympathizing with me
have been maybe sympathizing with me maybe that had the same experience maybe
maybe that had the same experience maybe
maybe that had the same experience maybe they were trying to encourage me but all
they were trying to encourage me but all
they were trying to encourage me but all I saw were people who are either pitying
I saw were people who are either pitying
I saw were people who are either pitying me or laughing at me and you know the
me or laughing at me and you know the
me or laughing at me and you know the teacher has that encouraging smile on
teacher has that encouraging smile on
teacher has that encouraging smile on our face like you can do it come on but
our face like you can do it come on but
our face like you can do it come on but I didn’t see that so I lost my voice and
I didn’t see that so I lost my voice and
I didn’t see that so I lost my voice and the story doesn’t end badly or else I
the story doesn’t end badly or else I
the story doesn’t end badly or else I wouldn’t be up here talking to you guys
wouldn’t be up here talking to you guys
wouldn’t be up here talking to you guys right in my eighth grade year I learned
right in my eighth grade year I learned
right in my eighth grade year I learned poetry at a wonderful English teacher
poetry at a wonderful English teacher
poetry at a wonderful English teacher who taught a poetry unit in English and
who taught a poetry unit in English and
who taught a poetry unit in English and we learned about Emily Dickinson and
we learned about Emily Dickinson and
we learned about Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost and haikus and rhyming
Robert Frost and haikus and rhyming
Robert Frost and haikus and rhyming schemes you know I loved all of it I
schemes you know I loved all of it I
schemes you know I loved all of it I couldn’t speak I couldn’t express myself
couldn’t speak I couldn’t express myself
couldn’t speak I couldn’t express myself in my own opinions out loud so I might
in my own opinions out loud so I might
in my own opinions out loud so I might as well put on paper and writing
as well put on paper and writing
as well put on paper and writing narratives were cool but you could pump
narratives were cool but you could pump
narratives were cool but you could pump out a poem in two or three minutes if
out a poem in two or three minutes if
out a poem in two or three minutes if you were really passionate about it
you were really passionate about it
you were really passionate about it right so as a treat one day after her
right so as a treat one day after her
right so as a treat one day after her class our English teacher showed us a
class our English teacher showed us a
class our English teacher showed us a spoken word poem and it was the first
spoken word poem and it was the first
spoken word poem and it was the first spoken word poem that I’d ever listened
spoken word poem that I’d ever listened
spoken word poem that I’d ever listened to and it was called to this day by
to and it was called to this day by
to and it was called to this day by Shane poison and it’s pretty famous it’s
Shane poison and it’s pretty famous it’s
Shane poison and it’s pretty famous it’s a wonderful message about anti-bullying
a wonderful message about anti-bullying
a wonderful message about anti-bullying and loving yourself and I was so
and loving yourself and I was so
and loving yourself and I was so inspired that I went home that day and I
inspired that I went home that day and I
inspired that I went home that day and I googled more spoken word poets because
googled more spoken word poets because
googled more spoken word poets because that’s what you do when you really like
that’s what you do when you really like
that’s what you do when you really like something and I found more and i was
something and I found more and i was
something and I found more and i was wondering like do people usually
wondering like do people usually
wondering like do people usually actually do this as a profession do they
actually do this as a profession do they
actually do this as a profession do they do it professionally can they make a
do it professionally can they make a
do it professionally can they make a living out of this you know and I found
living out of this you know and I found
living out of this you know and I found a lot of poets I found people who
a lot of poets I found people who
a lot of poets I found people who performed around the world people who
performed around the world people who
performed around the world people who struggled with English people who
struggled with English people who
struggled with English people who couldn’t even talk they all did spoken
couldn’t even talk they all did spoken
couldn’t even talk they all did spoken word poetry and I don’t remember like
word poetry and I don’t remember like
word poetry and I don’t remember like any most of the poems that I’ve listened
any most of the poems that I’ve listened
any most of the poems that I’ve listened to already because I’ve listened to so
to already because I’ve listened to so
to already because I’ve listened to so many but I remember one very vividly and
many but I remember one very vividly and
many but I remember one very vividly and it was called explaining depression to
it was called explaining depression to
it was called explaining depression to my mother and I was this girl who was
my mother and I was this girl who was
my mother and I was this girl who was trying to explain through her poetry
trying to explain through her poetry
trying to explain through her poetry desperately to her parents that her own
desperately to her parents that her own
desperately to her parents that her own depression her own anxiety her own
depression her own anxiety her own
depression her own anxiety her own social issues they weren’t something to
social issues they weren’t something to
social issues they weren’t something to be taken lightly in some cases they
be taken lightly in some cases they
be taken lightly in some cases they might even need treatment or medication
might even need treatment or medication
might even need treatment or medication and she couldn’t get this point across
and she couldn’t get this point across
and she couldn’t get this point across and that wasn’t really what stuck in my
and that wasn’t really what stuck in my
and that wasn’t really what stuck in my head the first time I listened to it but
head the first time I listened to it but
head the first time I listened to it but because well when she was performing I
because well when she was performing I
because well when she was performing I couldn’t really understand what she was
couldn’t really understand what she was
couldn’t really understand what she was saying because she would look so
saying because she would look so
saying because she would look so terrified
terrified
terrified she was being video recorded and
she was being video recorded and
she was being video recorded and probably performing in front of an
probably performing in front of an
probably performing in front of an audience and her eyes were super wide
audience and her eyes were super wide
audience and her eyes were super wide open and her arms were shaking by her
open and her arms were shaking by her
open and her arms were shaking by her side and she looks so scared and when
side and she looks so scared and when
side and she looks so scared and when she spoke she was shouting to the
she spoke she was shouting to the
she spoke she was shouting to the microphone and I was kind of annoyed the
microphone and I was kind of annoyed the
microphone and I was kind of annoyed the first time i heard it cuz i was like oh
first time i heard it cuz i was like oh
first time i heard it cuz i was like oh can’t you say this like in a more you
can’t you say this like in a more you
can’t you say this like in a more you know room voice and then i listen to it
know room voice and then i listen to it
know room voice and then i listen to it again and again and again and I began to
again and again and again and I began to
again and again and again and I began to understand I began to think about how
understand I began to think about how
understand I began to think about how many hours she must have put into that
many hours she must have put into that
many hours she must have put into that poem first writing it then reading in
poem first writing it then reading in
poem first writing it then reading in front of a mirror and then reciting it
front of a mirror and then reciting it
front of a mirror and then reciting it over and over and over and over until
over and over and over and over until
over and over and over and over until when she got onto a stage and her mind
when she got onto a stage and her mind
when she got onto a stage and her mind blanked out and she couldn’t remember
blanked out and she couldn’t remember
blanked out and she couldn’t remember any of the words she was supposed to say
any of the words she was supposed to say
any of the words she was supposed to say but her muscle memory took over and she
but her muscle memory took over and she
but her muscle memory took over and she could just keep talking and maybe she
could just keep talking and maybe she
could just keep talking and maybe she walked off that stage not remembering a
walked off that stage not remembering a
walked off that stage not remembering a single word she said but at least she
single word she said but at least she
single word she said but at least she got them out and then I’m sitting at
got them out and then I’m sitting at
got them out and then I’m sitting at home sitting in front of my computer
home sitting in front of my computer
home sitting in front of my computer already accepting but I can’t talk
already accepting but I can’t talk
already accepting but I can’t talk anymore that I’ll never be able to speak
anymore that I’ll never be able to speak
anymore that I’ll never be able to speak publicly or make my opinions known to my
publicly or make my opinions known to my
publicly or make my opinions known to my friends to strangers who teachers so I
friends to strangers who teachers so I
friends to strangers who teachers so I began to write poetry spoken word poetry
began to write poetry spoken word poetry
began to write poetry spoken word poetry and that’s poetry that’s written to be
and that’s poetry that’s written to be
and that’s poetry that’s written to be performed and that’s a little different
performed and that’s a little different
performed and that’s a little different from written poetry because written
from written poetry because written
from written poetry because written poetry you have to read it over and over
poetry you have to read it over and over
poetry you have to read it over and over you have to analyze it you have to take
you have to analyze it you have to take
you have to analyze it you have to take apart each word and then get the message
apart each word and then get the message
apart each word and then get the message but spoken word poetry is like words
but spoken word poetry is like words
but spoken word poetry is like words barreled at you it’s like raw emotion
barreled at you it’s like raw emotion
barreled at you it’s like raw emotion that’s forcing itself into your head
that’s forcing itself into your head
that’s forcing itself into your head whether you like it or not and I really
whether you like it or not and I really
whether you like it or not and I really like that I really like that idea of
like that I really like that idea of
like that I really like that idea of like squirming into people’s heads and
like squirming into people’s heads and
like squirming into people’s heads and planting my opinion there and it wasn’t
planting my opinion there and it wasn’t
planting my opinion there and it wasn’t easy but it got easier as it went along
easy but it got easier as it went along
easy but it got easier as it went along I wrote poetry I performed it for my
I wrote poetry I performed it for my
I wrote poetry I performed it for my family than for my friends than for my
family than for my friends than for my
family than for my friends than for my classmates then for my teachers and by
classmates then for my teachers and by
classmates then for my teachers and by the time I got to the end of my eighth
the time I got to the end of my eighth
the time I got to the end of my eighth grade year I’d before
grade year I’d before
grade year I’d before formed twice in front of the entire
formed twice in front of the entire
formed twice in front of the entire school and I’d been invited to private
school and I’d been invited to private
school and I’d been invited to private organizations to perform always I also
organizations to perform always I also
organizations to perform always I also took place in my local library poetry
took place in my local library poetry
took place in my local library poetry slams and you might think that it’s the
slams and you might think that it’s the
slams and you might think that it’s the end you’ve reached your maximum capacity
end you’ve reached your maximum capacity
end you’ve reached your maximum capacity for your poetry you’ve done all these
for your poetry you’ve done all these
for your poetry you’ve done all these things you spoken to all these people
things you spoken to all these people
things you spoken to all these people but then I moved again and this time I
but then I moved again and this time I
but then I moved again and this time I moved to Palo Alto I moved to gun high
moved to Palo Alto I moved to gun high
moved to Palo Alto I moved to gun high school where I’m currently a student and
school where I’m currently a student and
school where I’m currently a student and with this came a new sense of pressure
with this came a new sense of pressure
with this came a new sense of pressure of course there were new people there
of course there were new people there
of course there were new people there were new faces there were new friends
were new faces there were new friends
were new faces there were new friends that I had yet to know but there’s also
that I had yet to know but there’s also
that I had yet to know but there’s also pressure to do well in academics
pressure to do well in academics
pressure to do well in academics extracurriculars volunteering get fit do
extracurriculars volunteering get fit do
extracurriculars volunteering get fit do you support get enough sleep do your
you support get enough sleep do your
you support get enough sleep do your standardized tests all this pressure
standardized tests all this pressure
standardized tests all this pressure that many students go through today so I
that many students go through today so I
that many students go through today so I forgot about my poetry it seemed like
forgot about my poetry it seemed like
forgot about my poetry it seemed like something that I didn’t really have time
something that I didn’t really have time
something that I didn’t really have time to think about so I forgot about it and
to think about so I forgot about it and
to think about so I forgot about it and with that I also kind of lost my ability
with that I also kind of lost my ability
with that I also kind of lost my ability to speak again of course I knew how to
to speak again of course I knew how to
to speak again of course I knew how to make friends now but I reverted back to
make friends now but I reverted back to
make friends now but I reverted back to my old ways with you know agreeing with
my old ways with you know agreeing with
my old ways with you know agreeing with everyone I watched that movie I really
everyone I watched that movie I really
everyone I watched that movie I really liked it buddies but it didn’t help me
liked it buddies but it didn’t help me
liked it buddies but it didn’t help me very much and I was so frustrated
very much and I was so frustrated
very much and I was so frustrated because I knew I had this ability to
because I knew I had this ability to
because I knew I had this ability to write great poetry perform it inspire
write great poetry perform it inspire
write great poetry perform it inspire people I remember people coming up to me
people I remember people coming up to me
people I remember people coming up to me after I performed in saying you’re
after I performed in saying you’re
after I performed in saying you’re poacher really helped me and I love that
poacher really helped me and I love that
poacher really helped me and I love that feeling but whenever I wrote all the
feeling but whenever I wrote all the
feeling but whenever I wrote all the words that came out seemed angry and
words that came out seemed angry and
words that came out seemed angry and they all seem to be saying the same
they all seem to be saying the same
they all seem to be saying the same things so I wondered what was wrong and
things so I wondered what was wrong and
things so I wondered what was wrong and I was talking to my friend a year or so
I was talking to my friend a year or so
I was talking to my friend a year or so ago and of course we were talking about
ago and of course we were talking about
ago and of course we were talking about college so I asked him what do you want
college so I asked him what do you want
college so I asked him what do you want to major in and he said well maybe
to major in and he said well maybe
to major in and he said well maybe mathematics cuz he likes math and he was
mathematics cuz he likes math and he was
mathematics cuz he likes math and he was good at it and something in the stem
good at it and something in the stem
good at it and something in the stem field because silicon valley and then
field because silicon valley and then
field because silicon valley and then she says something unexpected and then
she says something unexpected and then
she says something unexpected and then he says well
he says well
he says well maybe English literature and I’m kind of
maybe English literature and I’m kind of
maybe English literature and I’m kind of shocked because he’s never told me that
shocked because he’s never told me that
shocked because he’s never told me that he is liked reading in the past or
he is liked reading in the past or
he is liked reading in the past or analyzing famous classical literature he
analyzing famous classical literature he
analyzing famous classical literature he likes digging through people’s words and
likes digging through people’s words and
likes digging through people’s words and extracting those ideas that sounds like
extracting those ideas that sounds like
extracting those ideas that sounds like something an English teacher would say
and then he says something that saddens
and then he says something that saddens me a lot and he said don’t tell my
me a lot and he said don’t tell my
me a lot and he said don’t tell my friends and I’m like why you should be
friends and I’m like why you should be
friends and I’m like why you should be really proud of this I don’t know a lot
really proud of this I don’t know a lot
really proud of this I don’t know a lot of people who still read or write in
of people who still read or write in
of people who still read or write in high school nobody has the time but I
high school nobody has the time but I
high school nobody has the time but I already know the answer why he doesn’t
already know the answer why he doesn’t
already know the answer why he doesn’t want people to know because he’s scared
want people to know because he’s scared
want people to know because he’s scared of their judgment he scared that they’ll
of their judgment he scared that they’ll
of their judgment he scared that they’ll pick up his books and say what is this
pick up his books and say what is this
pick up his books and say what is this you nerd a lot of people take poetry
you nerd a lot of people take poetry
you nerd a lot of people take poetry writing art really lightly it’s not
writing art really lightly it’s not
writing art really lightly it’s not something that can you can see the
something that can you can see the
something that can you can see the direct effects of it’s not a textbook
direct effects of it’s not a textbook
direct effects of it’s not a textbook it’s not a famous speech it’s not a
it’s not a famous speech it’s not a
it’s not a famous speech it’s not a program that will save hundreds of
program that will save hundreds of
program that will save hundreds of people’s of lives or maximize efficiency
people’s of lives or maximize efficiency
people’s of lives or maximize efficiency at a company it’s just poetry it’s just
at a company it’s just poetry it’s just
at a company it’s just poetry it’s just words so I went home that day and I
words so I went home that day and I
words so I went home that day and I cried a lot first of all and then I
cried a lot first of all and then I
cried a lot first of all and then I wrote a really angry poem but it was a
wrote a really angry poem but it was a
wrote a really angry poem but it was a different kind of angry from all the
different kind of angry from all the
different kind of angry from all the angry that I’ve written before because
angry that I’ve written before because
angry that I’ve written before because it actually had genuine emotion in it I
it actually had genuine emotion in it I
it actually had genuine emotion in it I realized that at my time here I had
realized that at my time here I had
realized that at my time here I had forgotten about my poetry one but I’d
forgotten about my poetry one but I’d
forgotten about my poetry one but I’d also became ashamed about it I was
also became ashamed about it I was
also became ashamed about it I was ashamed of this hobby that people didn’t
ashamed of this hobby that people didn’t
ashamed of this hobby that people didn’t take seriously something that I was
take seriously something that I was
take seriously something that I was passionate about but people didn’t like
passionate about but people didn’t like
passionate about but people didn’t like it and I wrote this angry poem and I
it and I wrote this angry poem and I
it and I wrote this angry poem and I can’t perform it because it has too many
can’t perform it because it has too many
can’t perform it because it has too many swear words but i’ll perform a different
swear words but i’ll perform a different
swear words but i’ll perform a different one but before I do that I want you guys
one but before I do that I want you guys
one but before I do that I want you guys to keep in mind that everyone has a
to keep in mind that everyone has a
to keep in mind that everyone has a passion and to be judged for it that’s
passion and to be judged for it that’s
passion and to be judged for it that’s normal but if you take that to heart and
normal but if you take that to heart and
normal but if you take that to heart and you stop doing it you’ve lost a part of
you stop doing it you’ve lost a part of
you stop doing it you’ve lost a part of yourself if you feel
yourself if you feel
yourself if you feel like you have an urge to dance after
like you have an urge to dance after
like you have an urge to dance after seeing gun Bhangra perform here then
seeing gun Bhangra perform here then
seeing gun Bhangra perform here then just go and learn it who cares if people
just go and learn it who cares if people
just go and learn it who cares if people say you’re too old or too fat or too
say you’re too old or too fat or too
say you’re too old or too fat or too skinny or maybe even too young go do
skinny or maybe even too young go do
skinny or maybe even too young go do what you want to do be passionate about
what you want to do be passionate about
what you want to do be passionate about it and don’t forget it so my poem is
it and don’t forget it so my poem is
it and don’t forget it so my poem is called the first drive there are ashes
called the first drive there are ashes
called the first drive there are ashes falling on the playground like snow they
falling on the playground like snow they
falling on the playground like snow they light up the tinder under my feet I open
light up the tinder under my feet I open
light up the tinder under my feet I open my mouth trying to catch a flake on my
my mouth trying to catch a flake on my
my mouth trying to catch a flake on my tongue it burns the back of my throat
tongue it burns the back of my throat
tongue it burns the back of my throat and sets fire to my lungs in second
and sets fire to my lungs in second
and sets fire to my lungs in second grade I told my best friend to shut up
grade I told my best friend to shut up
grade I told my best friend to shut up it was an innocent word I didn’t know
it was an innocent word I didn’t know
it was an innocent word I didn’t know what it meant but her crocodile tears
what it meant but her crocodile tears
what it meant but her crocodile tears convinced the teacher to sew my mouth
convinced the teacher to sew my mouth
convinced the teacher to sew my mouth shut she punctured my lips with needle
shut she punctured my lips with needle
shut she punctured my lips with needle and thread until they bled and I haven’t
and thread until they bled and I haven’t
and thread until they bled and I haven’t said a word that mattered ever since I
am in a car my hands are shaking on the
am in a car my hands are shaking on the steering wheel I turned to the
steering wheel I turned to the
steering wheel I turned to the instructor I’m scared I say he smiles
instructor I’m scared I say he smiles
instructor I’m scared I say he smiles with a reassuring grin don’t worry
with a reassuring grin don’t worry
with a reassuring grin don’t worry everyone is nervous the first time they
everyone is nervous the first time they
everyone is nervous the first time they drive nervous the first time nervous the
drive nervous the first time nervous the
drive nervous the first time nervous the first time I speak I’m holding a phone
first time I speak I’m holding a phone
first time I speak I’m holding a phone the bright green call button is blurring
the bright green call button is blurring
the bright green call button is blurring in front of my eyes the numbers all in a
in front of my eyes the numbers all in a
in front of my eyes the numbers all in a line calling me up waiting for the meat
line calling me up waiting for the meat
line calling me up waiting for the meat butcher I asked him how many cuts do i
butcher I asked him how many cuts do i
butcher I asked him how many cuts do i need to put into my own skin before I
need to put into my own skin before I
need to put into my own skin before I press the button and I here
press the button and I here
press the button and I here a ring and I say hello and I hear
a ring and I say hello and I hear
a ring and I say hello and I hear nothing and they say who is this and I
nothing and they say who is this and I
nothing and they say who is this and I say nothing and then a desolate beep and
say nothing and then a desolate beep and
say nothing and then a desolate beep and the phone drops out of my hand like an
the phone drops out of my hand like an
the phone drops out of my hand like an atomic bomb the firing of ignition in a
atomic bomb the firing of ignition in a
atomic bomb the firing of ignition in a car with my foot still on the brake and
car with my foot still on the brake and
car with my foot still on the brake and it moves forward and I wait and I close
it moves forward and I wait and I close
it moves forward and I wait and I close my eyes waiting for the crash but it
my eyes waiting for the crash but it
my eyes waiting for the crash but it never comes the wall that I built never
never comes the wall that I built never
never comes the wall that I built never existed the words that I swallowed were
existed the words that I swallowed were
existed the words that I swallowed were just pieces of blank paper with no
just pieces of blank paper with no
just pieces of blank paper with no writing no names no fingerprints to die
writing no names no fingerprints to die
writing no names no fingerprints to die my fingers a different shade of red I
my fingers a different shade of red I
my fingers a different shade of red I opened my mouth and told the world to
opened my mouth and told the world to
opened my mouth and told the world to shut up listen to me listen to my words
shut up listen to me listen to my words
shut up listen to me listen to my words listen to everything I’d ever had to say
listen to everything I’d ever had to say
listen to everything I’d ever had to say because I was never scared of speaking I
because I was never scared of speaking I
because I was never scared of speaking I was scared of being heard so I went to
was scared of being heard so I went to
was scared of being heard so I went to the mirror and I screamed slurs at my
the mirror and I screamed slurs at my
the mirror and I screamed slurs at my reflection I went to the sidewalk and
reflection I went to the sidewalk and
reflection I went to the sidewalk and ice cream profanity at the next person
ice cream profanity at the next person
ice cream profanity at the next person that passed me and waited for them to
that passed me and waited for them to
that passed me and waited for them to take me away drag me fold me up put me
take me away drag me fold me up put me
take me away drag me fold me up put me in a picture frame put me on the wall I
in a picture frame put me on the wall I
in a picture frame put me on the wall I waited for them to judge me and when
waited for them to judge me and when
waited for them to judge me and when they were done I was art and the whole
they were done I was art and the whole
they were done I was art and the whole world looked at me with all and me
world looked at me with all and me
world looked at me with all and me little me inspired thank you
little me inspired thank you
little me inspired thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] you
”
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