Learning to Embrace and Celebrate Our Imperfect Bodies | Elizabeth Jameson | TEDxStanford

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hi I’m here to invite you to a marvelous

hi I’m here to invite you to a marvelous upcoming party in which I want you to

upcoming party in which I want you to

upcoming party in which I want you to celebrate the imperfect body because we

celebrate the imperfect body because we

celebrate the imperfect body because we all everyone in this room have imperfect

all everyone in this room have imperfect

all everyone in this room have imperfect bodies and we want perfection but we’re

bodies and we want perfection but we’re

bodies and we want perfection but we’re not going to have it unfortunately and

not going to have it unfortunately and

not going to have it unfortunately and we have to celebrate the body we live in

we have to celebrate the body we live in

we have to celebrate the body we live in which is totally imperfect and by

which is totally imperfect and by

which is totally imperfect and by embracing the imperfect body you have to

embracing the imperfect body you have to

embracing the imperfect body you have to celebrate disease and disability illness

celebrate disease and disability illness

celebrate disease and disability illness because you should every one of us well

because you should every one of us well

because you should every one of us well have disease an illness and disability

have disease an illness and disability

have disease an illness and disability in a lifetime if we don’t have it what

in a lifetime if we don’t have it what

in a lifetime if we don’t have it what we’re felt our family members will

we’re felt our family members will

we’re felt our family members will experience it our loved ones will

experience it our loved ones will

experience it our loved ones will experience it and it’s time to get

experience it and it’s time to get

experience it and it’s time to get comfortable and talk and talking about

comfortable and talk and talking about

comfortable and talk and talking about it and being imperfect and a happy and

it and being imperfect and a happy and

it and being imperfect and a happy and imperfect body is just being human now

imperfect body is just being human now

imperfect body is just being human now my inspiration for this talk was in my

my inspiration for this talk was in my

my inspiration for this talk was in my local coffee shop with my dear friend

local coffee shop with my dear friend

local coffee shop with my dear friend and I were having coffee which is a

and I were having coffee which is a

and I were having coffee which is a daily addiction and them I was sipping

daily addiction and them I was sipping

daily addiction and them I was sipping my cappuccino and this wonderful little

my cappuccino and this wonderful little

my cappuccino and this wonderful little girl came up to me and just stared at me

girl came up to me and just stared at me

girl came up to me and just stared at me stared at me and for for it seemed

stared at me and for for it seemed

stared at me and for for it seemed forever

forever

forever I smiled didn’t say anything she just

I smiled didn’t say anything she just

I smiled didn’t say anything she just kept on staring at me my arms my legs my

kept on staring at me my arms my legs my

kept on staring at me my arms my legs my face

face

face and then she burst out in talking asking

and then she burst out in talking asking

and then she burst out in talking asking me questions and her first question is

me questions and her first question is

me questions and her first question is why is that woman feeding you what why

why is that woman feeding you what why

why is that woman feeding you what why is a woman I can to you your coffee why

is a woman I can to you your coffee why

is a woman I can to you your coffee why used to be and it with a metal straw and

used to be and it with a metal straw and

used to be and it with a metal straw and I she said are you baby I don’t think

I she said are you baby I don’t think

I she said are you baby I don’t think you’re a baby I don’t get it and then

you’re a baby I don’t get it and then

you’re a baby I don’t get it and then she said I I are you can you want a bike

she said I I are you can you want a bike

she said I I are you can you want a bike ride with me today today because I love

ride with me today today because I love

ride with me today today because I love my bicycle Oh probably not but I tell

my bicycle Oh probably not but I tell

my bicycle Oh probably not but I tell you what I’m gonna swim I swim with the

you what I’m gonna swim I swim with the

you what I’m gonna swim I swim with the dolphins and whales every night in my

dolphins and whales every night in my

dolphins and whales every night in my dreams so I love swimming so we had

dreams so I love swimming so we had

dreams so I love swimming so we had great I love the come see our

great I love the come see our

great I love the come see our conversation about swimming and being

conversation about swimming and being

conversation about swimming and being athletic and having fun with her parties

athletic and having fun with her parties

athletic and having fun with her parties and and she was talking to me as if I

and and she was talking to me as if I

and and she was talking to me as if I was a normal person she had no fear to

was a normal person she had no fear to

was a normal person she had no fear to her youth she was not afraid of me and

her youth she was not afraid of me and

her youth she was not afraid of me and she embraced me with unbelievable

she embraced me with unbelievable

she embraced me with unbelievable curiosity I loved a conversation I felt

curiosity I loved a conversation I felt

curiosity I loved a conversation I felt we were equals even though our eighth

we were equals even though our eighth

we were equals even though our eighth Sheeran’s it were tremendous and then

Sheeran’s it were tremendous and then

Sheeran’s it were tremendous and then her mother whisked the girl away and

her mother whisked the girl away and

her mother whisked the girl away and apologized for intruding I’m I’m my

apologized for intruding I’m I’m my

apologized for intruding I’m I’m my privacy and I said oh that’s quite all

privacy and I said oh that’s quite all

privacy and I said oh that’s quite all right

right

right and I thought what was the message she

and I thought what was the message she

and I thought what was the message she was leaving to her daughter and what was

was leaving to her daughter and what was

was leaving to her daughter and what was the message she was leaving me why why

the message she was leaving me why why

the message she was leaving me why why we’re so awkward in dealing with

we’re so awkward in dealing with

we’re so awkward in dealing with disability and illness

disability and illness

disability and illness and that’s why I want to talk about my

and that’s why I want to talk about my

and that’s why I want to talk about my celebration of the imperfect body and my

celebration of the imperfect body and my

celebration of the imperfect body and my senior party is creating space and

senior party is creating space and

senior party is creating space and curiosity conversation about disease and

curiosity conversation about disease and

curiosity conversation about disease and disability and I am no expert at the way

disability and I am no expert at the way

disability and I am no expert at the way I’m a so humble when talking about

I’m a so humble when talking about

I’m a so humble when talking about disease and disability I’m learning I

disease and disability I’m learning I

disease and disability I’m learning I will live with illness disability day by

will live with illness disability day by

will live with illness disability day by day and I am I’m probably not a

day and I am I’m probably not a

day and I am I’m probably not a kindergarten but I’m definitely not past

kindergarten but I’m definitely not past

kindergarten but I’m definitely not past second grade

second grade

second grade and I want to invite you to look at my

and I want to invite you to look at my

and I want to invite you to look at my imperfect body I have multiple sclerosis

imperfect body I have multiple sclerosis

imperfect body I have multiple sclerosis and I’m in a 307 65-pound whirl chair at

and I’m in a 307 65-pound whirl chair at

and I’m in a 307 65-pound whirl chair at coz ice doesn’t matter what when you’re

coz ice doesn’t matter what when you’re

coz ice doesn’t matter what when you’re talking about we’re well chair you know

talking about we’re well chair you know

talking about we’re well chair you know I’m trying to impress you by how happy

I’m trying to impress you by how happy

I’m trying to impress you by how happy my work my wheelchair is and and um I

my work my wheelchair is and and um I

my work my wheelchair is and and um I went using a cane too now well chair and

went using a cane too now well chair and

went using a cane too now well chair and the past 10 years I’m a quadriplegic so

the past 10 years I’m a quadriplegic so

the past 10 years I’m a quadriplegic so I can’t eat by myself drink by myself

I can’t eat by myself drink by myself

I can’t eat by myself drink by myself have to be transferred to bed and I life

have to be transferred to bed and I life

have to be transferred to bed and I life is sucks in a lot of ways sorry to say

is sucks in a lot of ways sorry to say

is sucks in a lot of ways sorry to say it um and I describe myself at medical

it um and I describe myself at medical

it um and I describe myself at medical language which is I’m a really messed up

language which is I’m a really messed up

language which is I’m a really messed up body and in lay terms I refer to my body

body and in lay terms I refer to my body

body and in lay terms I refer to my body as a train wreck but you know

as a train wreck but you know

as a train wreck but you know makes me happy to say my train wreck I

makes me happy to say my train wreck I

makes me happy to say my train wreck I don’t know why but it does

don’t know why but it does

don’t know why but it does and I hope whoever else is in the room

and I hope whoever else is in the room

and I hope whoever else is in the room mr. trenway

mr. trenway

mr. trenway please come see me we’ll have a

please come see me we’ll have a

please come see me we’ll have a different party celebrating our train

different party celebrating our train

different party celebrating our train wreck Ness

wreck Ness

wreck Ness whatever the plural would be but Oh

whatever the plural would be but Oh

whatever the plural would be but Oh we’ll have coffee um I um was not born

we’ll have coffee um I um was not born

we’ll have coffee um I um was not born disabled or I was born healthy and I

disabled or I was born healthy and I

disabled or I was born healthy and I didn’t encounter disease until I was

didn’t encounter disease until I was

didn’t encounter disease until I was pricked Tsinghua and um in the meantime

pricked Tsinghua and um in the meantime

pricked Tsinghua and um in the meantime I married the man of my dreams

I married the man of my dreams

I married the man of my dreams a really wonderful man and I had two

a really wonderful man and I had two

a really wonderful man and I had two gorgeous boys why are the loves of my

gorgeous boys why are the loves of my

gorgeous boys why are the loves of my life and and I was true I was practicing

life and and I was true I was practicing

life and and I was true I was practicing public interest law because I really

public interest law because I really

public interest law because I really cared about social justice and poverty

cared about social justice and poverty

cared about social justice and poverty and I was living the life of my dreams

and I was living the life of my dreams

and I was living the life of my dreams and one day I hit the kids at the park

and one day I hit the kids at the park

and one day I hit the kids at the park swinging on the swings and the tsunami

swinging on the swings and the tsunami

swinging on the swings and the tsunami hit and what would what I was left with

hit and what would what I was left with

hit and what would what I was left with after I had the diagnosis by mass and

after I had the diagnosis by mass and

after I had the diagnosis by mass and weeks in the hospital weeks of testing

weeks in the hospital weeks of testing

weeks in the hospital weeks of testing and a brain biopsy you know all the

and a brain biopsy you know all the

and a brain biopsy you know all the other medical journey their journeys

other medical journey their journeys

other medical journey their journeys that wasn’t what was I left with my MRIs

that wasn’t what was I left with my MRIs

that wasn’t what was I left with my MRIs cuz I had so many MRIs in the course of

cuz I had so many MRIs in the course of

cuz I had so many MRIs in the course of my diagnosis and I

my diagnosis and I

my diagnosis and I these are my MRIs before you and to me

these are my MRIs before you and to me

these are my MRIs before you and to me they were black ugly scary Halloween

they were black ugly scary Halloween

they were black ugly scary Halloween like images and I refused to look at

like images and I refused to look at

like images and I refused to look at them

them

them I wish used to look at them but they

I wish used to look at them but they

I wish used to look at them but they they were tattooed my forehead

they were tattooed my forehead

they were tattooed my forehead I couldn’t wash them off they were

I couldn’t wash them off they were

I couldn’t wash them off they were constantly in the back of my ma ma

constantly in the back of my ma ma

constantly in the back of my ma ma memory in my mind and um I I really

memory in my mind and um I I really

memory in my mind and um I I really refused to look at what was going on my

refused to look at what was going on my

refused to look at what was going on my diagnosis in my life I was in denial

diagnosis in my life I was in denial

diagnosis in my life I was in denial which is I think a good thing and um I

which is I think a good thing and um I

which is I think a good thing and um I had my first existential crisis which

had my first existential crisis which

had my first existential crisis which sounds much better than depression yes

sounds much better than depression yes

sounds much better than depression yes no I mean I was Stanford grad so I had

no I mean I was Stanford grad so I had

no I mean I was Stanford grad so I had that extension crisis maybe what the

that extension crisis maybe what the

that extension crisis maybe what the heck am I gonna do I want to lead a life

heck am I gonna do I want to lead a life

heck am I gonna do I want to lead a life of service and I grew up Catholic

of service and I grew up Catholic

of service and I grew up Catholic attending private Catholic school taught

attending private Catholic school taught

attending private Catholic school taught by nuns and it was waste with a deeply

by nuns and it was waste with a deeply

by nuns and it was waste with a deeply and stell notion that we need to live a

and stell notion that we need to live a

and stell notion that we need to live a life of service and I decided when I was

life of service and I decided when I was

life of service and I decided when I was very young that was going to end poverty

very young that was going to end poverty

very young that was going to end poverty no question and there’ll be no poverty

no question and there’ll be no poverty

no question and there’ll be no poverty in the world when I grew up well um then

in the world when I grew up well um then

in the world when I grew up well um then I went to law school I was living I was

I went to law school I was living I was

I went to law school I was living I was doing a job that let me feel like I was

doing a job that let me feel like I was

doing a job that let me feel like I was really of service to children in terms

really of service to children in terms

really of service to children in terms of helping them get the health care if I

of helping them get the health care if I

of helping them get the health care if I need poor and disadvantaged children and

need poor and disadvantaged children and

need poor and disadvantaged children and so what am I gonna do next I had no idea

so what am I gonna do next I had no idea

so what am I gonna do next I had no idea but it wasn’t a depression just an

but it wasn’t a depression just an

but it wasn’t a depression just an existential crisis and um my voice

existential crisis and um my voice

existential crisis and um my voice returned but it wasn’t ever like the

returned but it wasn’t ever like the

returned but it wasn’t ever like the same and I really didn’t feel

same and I really didn’t feel

same and I really didn’t feel comfortable purchasing law anymore and a

comfortable purchasing law anymore and a

comfortable purchasing law anymore and a neighbor who was feeling sorry for me

neighbor who was feeling sorry for me

neighbor who was feeling sorry for me dragged me to an art class kicking and

dragged me to an art class kicking and

dragged me to an art class kicking and screaming I never liked art particularly

screaming I never liked art particularly

screaming I never liked art particularly I am and I never owned a paintbrush

I am and I never owned a paintbrush

I am and I never owned a paintbrush never one I own a paintbrush and I just

never one I own a paintbrush and I just

never one I own a paintbrush and I just went along with her to this silly art

went along with her to this silly art

went along with her to this silly art class

class

class community art class and I fell in love

community art class and I fell in love

community art class and I fell in love and I from that day on I sort of

and I from that day on I sort of

and I from that day on I sort of painting and just obsessively painting

painting and just obsessively painting

painting and just obsessively painting every day for about three years I went

every day for about three years I went

every day for about three years I went to art school and I became really

to art school and I became really

to art school and I became really confident

confident

confident well painter and then I got bored

well painter and then I got bored

well painter and then I got bored because I love being a painter but it

because I love being a painter but it

because I love being a painter but it wasn’t my calling wasn’t my passion my

wasn’t my calling wasn’t my passion my

wasn’t my calling wasn’t my passion my passion was to work on social justice

passion was to work on social justice

passion was to work on social justice issues so external crisis number two was

issues so external crisis number two was

issues so external crisis number two was how can i really be of service dollars

how can i really be of service dollars

how can i really be of service dollars and I almost instantly went back to my

and I almost instantly went back to my

and I almost instantly went back to my MRIs that again they’re tattoos on my

MRIs that again they’re tattoos on my

MRIs that again they’re tattoos on my forehead and I said I think my service

forehead and I said I think my service

forehead and I said I think my service should be to try to delve into medical

should be to try to delve into medical

should be to try to delve into medical imagery and take back some of the

imagery and take back some of the

imagery and take back some of the control from the scientists in the

control from the scientists in the

control from the scientists in the medical community to the patients

medical community to the patients

medical community to the patients and I decided to really examine what

and I decided to really examine what

and I decided to really examine what MRIs meant to me and what it meant all

MRIs meant to me and what it meant all

MRIs meant to me and what it meant all the people under the people undergo

the people under the people undergo

the people under the people undergo medical technology and daily basis and

medical technology and daily basis and

medical technology and daily basis and so I went to work and I’ve been working

so I went to work and I’ve been working

so I went to work and I’ve been working on this goal for many years and that

on this goal for many years and that

on this goal for many years and that following is my first atching of my

following is my first atching of my

following is my first atching of my brain that the round circle is my lesion

brain that the round circle is my lesion

brain that the round circle is my lesion right near the Broca’s area the brain

right near the Broca’s area the brain

right near the Broca’s area the brain which prevented my loss of speech I

which prevented my loss of speech I

which prevented my loss of speech I don’t really like this image but it was

don’t really like this image but it was

don’t really like this image but it was my first one and this is a tapestry I

my first one and this is a tapestry I

my first one and this is a tapestry I made which is describing how I tried to

made which is describing how I tried to

made which is describing how I tried to put the pieces of my life back together

put the pieces of my life back together

put the pieces of my life back together which were blown apart by the tsunami

which were blown apart by the tsunami

which were blown apart by the tsunami and I’m still trying to put the pieces

and I’m still trying to put the pieces

and I’m still trying to put the pieces back together because I get hit by

back together because I get hit by

back together because I get hit by another wave every so often and I end

another wave every so often and I end

another wave every so often and I end it’s an ongoing stroll putting the

it’s an ongoing stroll putting the

it’s an ongoing stroll putting the pieces back together and the this piece

pieces back together and the this piece

pieces back together and the this piece had lots of medical journals and medical

had lots of medical journals and medical

had lots of medical journals and medical documentation which I really like

documentation which I really like

documentation which I really like combining the experience of illness and

combining the experience of illness and

combining the experience of illness and the documentation of illness with my

the documentation of illness with my

the documentation of illness with my personal narrative and this is called

personal narrative and this is called

personal narrative and this is called conversations with myself and I love

conversations with myself and I love

conversations with myself and I love this image well I like it I love all my

this image well I like it I love all my

this image well I like it I love all my oh my ever it is it’s I’m I’m very

oh my ever it is it’s I’m I’m very

oh my ever it is it’s I’m I’m very narcissistic either I just I love I love

narcissistic either I just I love I love

narcissistic either I just I love I love my work

my work

my work I guess is very embarrassing to say um

I guess is very embarrassing to say um

I guess is very embarrassing to say um but um I like this image because people

but um I like this image because people

but um I like this image because people patients write me a lot with various

patients write me a lot with various

patients write me a lot with various neurological diseases I’ve a a pretty

neurological diseases I’ve a a pretty

neurological diseases I’ve a a pretty big following in the ALS community I

big following in the ALS community I

big following in the ALS community I don’t know why and brain tumors and

don’t know why and brain tumors and

don’t know why and brain tumors and other diseases I never had any thought

other diseases I never had any thought

other diseases I never had any thought of relating to and it’s really opened my

of relating to and it’s really opened my

of relating to and it’s really opened my eyes to other neurological analysis and

eyes to other neurological analysis and

eyes to other neurological analysis and conversations with people all over the

conversations with people all over the

conversations with people all over the world and it’s been so gratifying and

world and it’s been so gratifying and

world and it’s been so gratifying and hopefully I’m happy not helping but

hopefully I’m happy not helping but

hopefully I’m happy not helping but offering a new vocabulary for patients

offering a new vocabulary for patients

offering a new vocabulary for patients to see themselves and see their brains

to see themselves and see their brains

to see themselves and see their brains and for scientists offering a new

and for scientists offering a new

and for scientists offering a new vocabulary visual vocabulary is met and

vocabulary visual vocabulary is met and

vocabulary visual vocabulary is met and medical professions as well as patients

medical professions as well as patients

medical professions as well as patients and family members so that’s what I love

and family members so that’s what I love

and family members so that’s what I love about this slide this is my itching

about this slide this is my itching

about this slide this is my itching cause bird brain if this this is from

cause bird brain if this this is from

cause bird brain if this this is from the lower brain stem where I had two big

the lower brain stem where I had two big

the lower brain stem where I had two big lesions in lower brain stem which

lesions in lower brain stem which

lesions in lower brain stem which probably resulted in my quadriplegic

probably resulted in my quadriplegic

probably resulted in my quadriplegic quadriplegia and I loved it because I

quadriplegia and I loved it because I

quadriplegia and I loved it because I found birds in flora brain stem and my

found birds in flora brain stem and my

found birds in flora brain stem and my family as historically just why me as a

family as historically just why me as a

family as historically just why me as a bird brain and I refused to confirm or

bird brain and I refused to confirm or

bird brain and I refused to confirm or deny this on the grounds that it may

deny this on the grounds that it may

deny this on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me but I love it the

tend to incriminate me but I love it the

tend to incriminate me but I love it the idea that maybe it’s proof that I am a

idea that maybe it’s proof that I am a

idea that maybe it’s proof that I am a bird brained

bird brained

bird brained this image is about the mass of illness

this image is about the mass of illness

this image is about the mass of illness the chaos boomers and the pulsating

the chaos boomers and the pulsating

the chaos boomers and the pulsating vibrancy of the color so it’s depression

vibrancy of the color so it’s depression

vibrancy of the color so it’s depression it’s um

it’s um

it’s um learning to cope and the and the light

learning to cope and the and the light

learning to cope and the and the light seeping in to body so it’s its own

seeping in to body so it’s its own

seeping in to body so it’s its own trying to represent all parts of illness

trying to represent all parts of illness

trying to represent all parts of illness this is my piece called Valentine and I

this is my piece called Valentine and I

this is my piece called Valentine and I love it because it represents to me the

love it because it represents to me the

love it because it represents to me the heart and it’s very very romantic to

heart and it’s very very romantic to

heart and it’s very very romantic to think that hippocampus would have heart

think that hippocampus would have heart

think that hippocampus would have heart in the brain all of our brains at least

in the brain all of our brains at least

in the brain all of our brains at least I feel it’s a heart which is an

I feel it’s a heart which is an

I feel it’s a heart which is an international some love love this is my

international some love love this is my

international some love love this is my most spiritual image I just if I ever

most spiritual image I just if I ever

most spiritual image I just if I ever was going to meditate which I don’t but

was going to meditate which I don’t but

was going to meditate which I don’t but I know I should i I would use that image

I know I should i I would use that image

I know I should i I would use that image to be my inspiration just to have that

to be my inspiration just to have that

to be my inspiration just to have that my brain coming out into the warmth of

my brain coming out into the warmth of

my brain coming out into the warmth of the the sunrise and this this image I

the the sunrise and this this image I

the the sunrise and this this image I love and if this is an image of a friend

love and if this is an image of a friend

love and if this is an image of a friend of Mines angiogram and he has a serious

of Mines angiogram and he has a serious

of Mines angiogram and he has a serious neurological disease and he semi is

neurological disease and he semi is

neurological disease and he semi is recent angiogram and I looked at his

recent angiogram and I looked at his

recent angiogram and I looked at his tangled blood vessels that were

tangled blood vessels that were

tangled blood vessels that were contained in the angiogram and I found

contained in the angiogram and I found

contained in the angiogram and I found two blood vessels dancing and like two

two blood vessels dancing and like two

two blood vessels dancing and like two ously dancing and maybe even kind of

ously dancing and maybe even kind of

ously dancing and maybe even kind of having a little too much to drink I

having a little too much to drink I

having a little too much to drink I to me is like oh how can find joy and

just happiness in the most bizarre

just happiness in the most bizarre places and and my friend Marcus has this

places and and my friend Marcus has this

places and and my friend Marcus has this that was his angiogram hangs a piece as

that was his angiogram hangs a piece as

that was his angiogram hangs a piece as I was in his living room again it’s

I was in his living room again it’s

I was in his living room again it’s taking back the medical technology and

taking back the medical technology and

taking back the medical technology and and allowing it to be in your in the

and allowing it to be in your in the

and allowing it to be in your in the patients living room and I want to ask

patients living room and I want to ask

patients living room and I want to ask you if you can join me in trying to

you if you can join me in trying to

you if you can join me in trying to create spaces so we can tell our stories

create spaces so we can tell our stories

create spaces so we can tell our stories of illness and work and where we can

of illness and work and where we can

of illness and work and where we can listen to our stories health stories

listen to our stories health stories

listen to our stories health stories listen to stories and learn from each

listen to stories and learn from each

listen to stories and learn from each other in the hopes the hope that we can

other in the hopes the hope that we can

other in the hopes the hope that we can develop further empathy for people

develop further empathy for people

develop further empathy for people people’s illness and disabilities as

people’s illness and disabilities as

people’s illness and disabilities as we’re all gonna be there someday and I’m

we’re all gonna be there someday and I’m

we’re all gonna be there someday and I’m gonna greet you with a big hug and we’ll

gonna greet you with a big hug and we’ll

gonna greet you with a big hug and we’ll do it together

do it together

do it together good night

good night

good night [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] you