Thank You Eden asked back to my alma mater nearly 25 years after graduating
mater nearly 25 years after graduating
mater nearly 25 years after graduating has definitely led some personal
has definitely led some personal
has definitely led some personal reflection and introspection I have come
reflection and introspection I have come
reflection and introspection I have come to the conclusion that I am solidly in
to the conclusion that I am solidly in
to the conclusion that I am solidly in middle-age you know that point in life
middle-age you know that point in life
middle-age you know that point in life where you’ve maybe lived as many years
where you’ve maybe lived as many years
where you’ve maybe lived as many years as you will going forward that point in
as you will going forward that point in
as you will going forward that point in life were selectively bodily functions
life were selectively bodily functions
life were selectively bodily functions start to fade such as my eyesight so
start to fade such as my eyesight so
start to fade such as my eyesight so it’s just as well we’re not allowed
it’s just as well we’re not allowed
it’s just as well we’re not allowed notes for these TED talks I’ve also
notes for these TED talks I’ve also
notes for these TED talks I’ve also thought back to some comments my wiser
thought back to some comments my wiser
thought back to some comments my wiser older sister made to me a few years
older sister made to me a few years
older sister made to me a few years after I’d graduated from Brunel and was
after I’d graduated from Brunel and was
after I’d graduated from Brunel and was struggling with how I was going to live
struggling with how I was going to live
struggling with how I was going to live up to the lofty goal of making the world
up to the lofty goal of making the world
up to the lofty goal of making the world a better place which I’m sure most burn
a better place which I’m sure most burn
a better place which I’m sure most burn aliens think of at least at some point
aliens think of at least at some point
aliens think of at least at some point our lives she said to me Christine no
our lives she said to me Christine no
our lives she said to me Christine no one tells you how hard it is to be a
one tells you how hard it is to be a
one tells you how hard it is to be a regular person life over the following
regular person life over the following
regular person life over the following 20 years I have learned that happiness
20 years I have learned that happiness
20 years I have learned that happiness comes from following your own passion
comes from following your own passion
comes from following your own passion defining your own successes by all usual
defining your own successes by all usual
defining your own successes by all usual societal standards I have had many
societal standards I have had many
societal standards I have had many successes I am a two-time Olympian
successes I am a two-time Olympian
successes I am a two-time Olympian Fulbright Scholar and physician at one
Fulbright Scholar and physician at one
Fulbright Scholar and physician at one of the most reputable clinical practices
of the most reputable clinical practices
of the most reputable clinical practices California yet throughout these
California yet throughout these
California yet throughout these successes I’ve also had internal
successes I’ve also had internal
successes I’ve also had internal struggles at different points in my life
struggles at different points in my life
struggles at different points in my life that we fit her those Forks in the road
that we fit her those Forks in the road
that we fit her those Forks in the road I’ve wondered just because I can doesn’t
I’ve wondered just because I can doesn’t
I’ve wondered just because I can doesn’t mean I should and had to follow the path
mean I should and had to follow the path
mean I should and had to follow the path that felt right for myself at the time
so I guess you could say my Olympic
so I guess you could say my Olympic journey began during childhood as so
journey began during childhood as so
journey began during childhood as so many do I was a really active kid
many do I was a really active kid
many do I was a really active kid participated in lots of school sports
participated in lots of school sports
participated in lots of school sports and I was fascinated to watch the
and I was fascinated to watch the
and I was fascinated to watch the Olympics sometimes even watching by
Olympics sometimes even watching by
Olympics sometimes even watching by myself my family members were too busy I
myself my family members were too busy I
myself my family members were too busy I followed my older sister and brothers
followed my older sister and brothers
followed my older sister and brothers footsteps into distance running and
footsteps into distance running and
footsteps into distance running and although I was a talented freshman in
although I was a talented freshman in
although I was a talented freshman in cross country and track
cross country and track
cross country and track I realized by my junior year in high
I realized by my junior year in high
I realized by my junior year in high school that I was not going to be the
school that I was not going to be the
school that I was not going to be the next Barry Decker I had watched a 3,000
next Barry Decker I had watched a 3,000
next Barry Decker I had watched a 3,000 meter in the Olympics at the Los Angeles
meter in the Olympics at the Los Angeles
meter in the Olympics at the Los Angeles 84 Olympics nonetheless I enjoyed my
84 Olympics nonetheless I enjoyed my
84 Olympics nonetheless I enjoyed my time here on the Grinnell cross-country
time here on the Grinnell cross-country
time here on the Grinnell cross-country team which formed such a significant
team which formed such a significant
team which formed such a significant part of my social networking instead of
part of my social networking instead of
part of my social networking instead of pursuing an elite athletic career during
pursuing an elite athletic career during
pursuing an elite athletic career during college I focused on what makes so many
college I focused on what makes so many
college I focused on what makes so many Grinnell experiences amazing I attended
Grinnell experiences amazing I attended
Grinnell experiences amazing I attended innumerable lectures on social and
innumerable lectures on social and
innumerable lectures on social and political problems in the forum which by
political problems in the forum which by
political problems in the forum which by the way used to be the center of campus
the way used to be the center of campus
the way used to be the center of campus life
life
life I participated in debates about the
I participated in debates about the
I participated in debates about the worlds and stations most vexing social
worlds and stations most vexing social
worlds and stations most vexing social problems I was an occasional member of
problems I was an occasional member of
problems I was an occasional member of the Grinnell streaking Club which
the Grinnell streaking Club which
the Grinnell streaking Club which tormented bng crew through campus and of
tormented bng crew through campus and of
tormented bng crew through campus and of course I obtained a fabulous education
course I obtained a fabulous education
course I obtained a fabulous education I learned to think and write critically
I learned to think and write critically
I learned to think and write critically I did a semester study abroad in Nepal
I did a semester study abroad in Nepal
I did a semester study abroad in Nepal all the while completing a Bachelor of
all the while completing a Bachelor of
all the while completing a Bachelor of Arts in chemistry and completing my pre
Arts in chemistry and completing my pre
Arts in chemistry and completing my pre medical school requirements
medical school requirements
medical school requirements I suppose my first significant life fork
I suppose my first significant life fork
I suppose my first significant life fork came during my senior year at Grinnell I
came during my senior year at Grinnell I
came during my senior year at Grinnell I was approached by one of my faculty
was approached by one of my faculty
was approached by one of my faculty mentors and encouraged to apply for a
mentors and encouraged to apply for a
mentors and encouraged to apply for a Rhodes Scholarship
Rhodes Scholarship
Rhodes Scholarship while I was complemented by the
while I was complemented by the
while I was complemented by the acknowledgement I had to be honest I
acknowledgement I had to be honest I
acknowledgement I had to be honest I really had no interest studying in
really had no interest studying in
really had no interest studying in Oxford the year after graduation instead
Oxford the year after graduation instead
Oxford the year after graduation instead like so many Grinnell seniors I viewed
like so many Grinnell seniors I viewed
like so many Grinnell seniors I viewed the Thomas J Watson fellowship as the
the Thomas J Watson fellowship as the
the Thomas J Watson fellowship as the ultimate prize
ultimate prize
ultimate prize because it allowed unrestricted funds to
because it allowed unrestricted funds to
because it allowed unrestricted funds to do independent study in a developing
do independent study in a developing
do independent study in a developing nation such as Nepal where I wanted to
nation such as Nepal where I wanted to
nation such as Nepal where I wanted to return and explore further some of those
return and explore further some of those
return and explore further some of those social healthcare discrepancies I had
social healthcare discrepancies I had
social healthcare discrepancies I had witnessed during my semester study
witnessed during my semester study
witnessed during my semester study abroad almost on a whim I also applied
abroad almost on a whim I also applied
abroad almost on a whim I also applied for a Fulbright fellowship see to that
for a Fulbright fellowship see to that
for a Fulbright fellowship see to that point the Fulbright Committee had never
point the Fulbright Committee had never
point the Fulbright Committee had never selected a non PhD candidate for the
selected a non PhD candidate for the
selected a non PhD candidate for the year and they Paul
year and they Paul
year and they Paul I remember my spring semester my senior
I remember my spring semester my senior
I remember my spring semester my senior year great disappointment when I was not
year great disappointment when I was not
year great disappointment when I was not awarded the Watson fellowship and then
awarded the Watson fellowship and then
awarded the Watson fellowship and then the incredible elation a few weeks later
the incredible elation a few weeks later
the incredible elation a few weeks later when I was boarded the Fulbright
when I was boarded the Fulbright
when I was boarded the Fulbright fellowship after the committee decided
fellowship after the committee decided
fellowship after the committee decided to fear from its usual practices that
to fear from its usual practices that
to fear from its usual practices that following year and they Paul was
following year and they Paul was
following year and they Paul was credible experience it was also a very
credible experience it was also a very
credible experience it was also a very difficult year after spending ten months
difficult year after spending ten months
difficult year after spending ten months studying the beliefs practices of
studying the beliefs practices of
studying the beliefs practices of caregivers of children with diarrheal
caregivers of children with diarrheal
caregivers of children with diarrheal disease I realized they Paul didn’t need
disease I realized they Paul didn’t need
disease I realized they Paul didn’t need more physicians it really needed
more physicians it really needed
more physicians it really needed engineering but more importantly needed
engineering but more importantly needed
engineering but more importantly needed the political will power provide a clean
the political will power provide a clean
the political will power provide a clean water source for its people and Nepal
water source for its people and Nepal
water source for its people and Nepal certainly did not need a self-proclaimed
certainly did not need a self-proclaimed
certainly did not need a self-proclaimed medical anthropologist with a lot more
medical anthropologist with a lot more
medical anthropologist with a lot more to learn about public health and
to learn about public health and
to learn about public health and international policy so my Olympic
international policy so my Olympic
international policy so my Olympic journey picked up an unusual time in
journey picked up an unusual time in
journey picked up an unusual time in life after I had started medical school
life after I had started medical school
life after I had started medical school at Stanford University I junior high
at Stanford University I junior high
at Stanford University I junior high basketball knee injury caught up with me
basketball knee injury caught up with me
basketball knee injury caught up with me about a decade later and I was no longer
about a decade later and I was no longer
about a decade later and I was no longer comfortable running for my much needed
comfortable running for my much needed
comfortable running for my much needed exercise a classmate of mine was on the
exercise a classmate of mine was on the
exercise a classmate of mine was on the Stanford Road Cycling team which is a
Stanford Road Cycling team which is a
Stanford Road Cycling team which is a club sport and that’s available for
club sport and that’s available for
club sport and that’s available for graduate students to participate in he
graduate students to participate in he
graduate students to participate in he encouraged me to come out and by the end
encouraged me to come out and by the end
encouraged me to come out and by the end of my first season competing I realized
of my first season competing I realized
of my first season competing I realized I was a far more talented road cyclist
I was a far more talented road cyclist
I was a far more talented road cyclist than I ever ever been distance runner my
than I ever ever been distance runner my
than I ever ever been distance runner my competitive progression in Road Cycling
competitive progression in Road Cycling
competitive progression in Road Cycling was accelerated by living in that
was accelerated by living in that
was accelerated by living in that Stanford community or there are so many
Stanford community or there are so many
Stanford community or there are so many Olympians including to us women who
Olympians including to us women who
Olympians including to us women who qualified for and competed a Sydney
qualified for and competed a Sydney
qualified for and competed a Sydney Olympics thousand a mere two years after
Olympics thousand a mere two years after
Olympics thousand a mere two years after I had started my own cycling journey one
I had started my own cycling journey one
I had started my own cycling journey one of those women became my professional
of those women became my professional
of those women became my professional team director few years later she sat
team director few years later she sat
team director few years later she sat down with me the fall of 2003 and helped
down with me the fall of 2003 and helped
down with me the fall of 2003 and helped me focus my goal of qualifying for the
me focus my goal of qualifying for the
me focus my goal of qualifying for the 2004 Olympics see in road cycling for
2004 Olympics see in road cycling for
2004 Olympics see in road cycling for the Olympics there are two events a road
the Olympics there are two events a road
the Olympics there are two events a road race which requires teamwork although
race which requires teamwork although
race which requires teamwork although individual medalists are awarded and the
individual medalists are awarded and the
individual medalists are awarded and the individual time trial in 2004 the
individual time trial in 2004 the
individual time trial in 2004 the selection for the United States team of
selection for the United States team of
selection for the United States team of three women for the road race and only
three women for the road race and only
three women for the road race and only two of those would get to do the time
two of those would get to do the time
two of those would get to do the time trial the selection criteria who did two
trial the selection criteria who did two
trial the selection criteria who did two automatic nominations
automatic nominations
automatic nominations one was for the winner of the national
one was for the winner of the national
one was for the winner of the national time trial championships and the other
time trial championships and the other
time trial championships and the other was for the winner of the National Road
was for the winner of the National Road
was for the winner of the National Road Race championships since I was an
Race championships since I was an
Race championships since I was an outsider to the national team and then
outsider to the national team and then
outsider to the national team and then the road race required teamwork as I
the road race required teamwork as I
the road race required teamwork as I noted I felt my chance of winning the
noted I felt my chance of winning the
noted I felt my chance of winning the road race was very slim I focused on
road race was very slim I focused on
road race was very slim I focused on winning the time trial Championships and
winning the time trial Championships and
winning the time trial Championships and in fact eight months later I achieved my
in fact eight months later I achieved my
in fact eight months later I achieved my goal and won the national time trial
goal and won the national time trial
goal and won the national time trial Championships which qualified me for the
Championships which qualified me for the
Championships which qualified me for the 2004 Olympic road team it was definitely
2004 Olympic road team it was definitely
2004 Olympic road team it was definitely one of the happiest days of my life as
one of the happiest days of my life as
one of the happiest days of my life as you can see on my expression this photo
you can see on my expression this photo
you can see on my expression this photo then the following two months were
then the following two months were
then the following two months were actually for the most stressful in my
actually for the most stressful in my
actually for the most stressful in my life because I had to continue to prove
life because I had to continue to prove
life because I had to continue to prove myself to the national team coach and
myself to the national team coach and
myself to the national team coach and the selection committee in order to be
the selection committee in order to be
the selection committee in order to be nominated for one of those to start
nominated for one of those to start
nominated for one of those to start spots for the individual time trial
spots for the individual time trial
spots for the individual time trial because ironically winning
because ironically winning
because ironically winning the Time Trial championships only
the Time Trial championships only
the Time Trial championships only qualified me to be a member of one of
qualified me to be a member of one of
qualified me to be a member of one of the three women on the road team to
the three women on the road team to
the three women on the road team to selection for the time trial was not
selection for the time trial was not
selection for the time trial was not made until we had arrived in the Olympic
made until we had arrived in the Olympic
made until we had arrived in the Olympic Village a mere three days before our
Village a mere three days before our
Village a mere three days before our road race event which we were going to
road race event which we were going to
road race event which we were going to be teammates and five days before the
be teammates and five days before the
be teammates and five days before the individual time trial events sadly one
individual time trial events sadly one
individual time trial events sadly one of my most vivid memories of my 2004
of my most vivid memories of my 2004
of my most vivid memories of my 2004 Olympics was sitting under the shade
Olympics was sitting under the shade
Olympics was sitting under the shade tree outside the Olympic Village on the
tree outside the Olympic Village on the
tree outside the Olympic Village on the briefcase of one of the pro bono lawyers
briefcase of one of the pro bono lawyers
briefcase of one of the pro bono lawyers provided by US Olympic Committee to
provided by US Olympic Committee to
provided by US Olympic Committee to settle arbitration cases you see the
settle arbitration cases you see the
settle arbitration cases you see the third teammate who didn’t get nominated
third teammate who didn’t get nominated
third teammate who didn’t get nominated for the time trial belt she also was
for the time trial belt she also was
for the time trial belt she also was deserving and started an arbitration
deserving and started an arbitration
deserving and started an arbitration against the process I did get to compete
against the process I did get to compete
against the process I did get to compete in the time trial in Athens and finished
in the time trial in Athens and finished
in the time trial in Athens and finished a surprising fourth place which was
a surprising fourth place which was
a surprising fourth place which was actually a surprisingly good result for
actually a surprisingly good result for
actually a surprisingly good result for me since it was my first significant
me since it was my first significant
me since it was my first significant international time trial event yet
international time trial event yet
international time trial event yet somehow I felt like a failure
somehow I felt like a failure
somehow I felt like a failure since the three other US representatives
since the three other US representatives
since the three other US representatives in the time trial achieved gold silver
in the time trial achieved gold silver
in the time trial achieved gold silver and bronze medals 2004 was also a
and bronze medals 2004 was also a
and bronze medals 2004 was also a transitional year with respect to drug
transitional year with respect to drug
transitional year with respect to drug testing for doping methods among
testing for doping methods among
testing for doping methods among athletes the following year the u.s.
athletes the following year the u.s.
athletes the following year the u.s. gold medallist Tyler Hamilton who had
gold medallist Tyler Hamilton who had
gold medallist Tyler Hamilton who had been teammate of Lance Armstrong’s had
been teammate of Lance Armstrong’s had
been teammate of Lance Armstrong’s had his gold medal stripped from him after
his gold medal stripped from him after
his gold medal stripped from him after it was discovered he had learned had
it was discovered he had learned had
it was discovered he had learned had used new blood doping methods the summer
used new blood doping methods the summer
used new blood doping methods the summer of the 2004 Olympics while the US I’m
of the 2004 Olympics while the US I’m
of the 2004 Olympics while the US I’m sorry while the women’s peloton
sorry while the women’s peloton
sorry while the women’s peloton considered generally a cleaner group of
considered generally a cleaner group of
considered generally a cleaner group of riders when athlete in the Olympics
riders when athlete in the Olympics
riders when athlete in the Olympics finishing fourth place there are still
finishing fourth place there are still
finishing fourth place there are still those unpleasant begging uncertainties
those unpleasant begging uncertainties
those unpleasant begging uncertainties I continued racing through my fellowship
I continued racing through my fellowship
I continued racing through my fellowship training in rheumatology and in 2006 I
training in rheumatology and in 2006 I
training in rheumatology and in 2006 I accomplished my goal of getting the
accomplished my goal of getting the
accomplished my goal of getting the bronze medal in the world championships
bronze medal in the world championships
bronze medal in the world championships in Salzburg Austria that result
in Salzburg Austria that result
in Salzburg Austria that result essentially qualified me for the Beijing
essentially qualified me for the Beijing
essentially qualified me for the Beijing Olympic team for the United States where
Olympic team for the United States where
Olympic team for the United States where I again played the team role in the road
I again played the team role in the road
I again played the team role in the road race and got to focus my individual
race and got to focus my individual
race and got to focus my individual goals in the individual time trial in
goals in the individual time trial in
goals in the individual time trial in the time trial this Olympic Games I
the time trial this Olympic Games I
the time trial this Olympic Games I finished fifth place although I was
finished fifth place although I was
finished fifth place although I was actually closer to the bronze medalist
actually closer to the bronze medalist
actually closer to the bronze medalist on time this time finishing three
on time this time finishing three
on time this time finishing three seconds behind the bronze medalist
immediately after that event one of the
immediately after that event one of the USA Cycling officials commented to me
USA Cycling officials commented to me
USA Cycling officials commented to me what could I what could have been had I
what could I what could have been had I
what could I what could have been had I not also been completing my medical
not also been completing my medical
not also been completing my medical training through my cycling career I
training through my cycling career I
training through my cycling career I replied I was quite happy with my
replied I was quite happy with my
replied I was quite happy with my balance life wouldn’t have done it the
balance life wouldn’t have done it the
balance life wouldn’t have done it the other way but the truth is I couldn’t
other way but the truth is I couldn’t
other way but the truth is I couldn’t have afforded to do it any other way
have afforded to do it any other way
have afforded to do it any other way see by continuing in medical training I
see by continuing in medical training I
see by continuing in medical training I could continue to defer payment of my
could continue to defer payment of my
could continue to defer payment of my medical school loans which had reached
medical school loans which had reached
medical school loans which had reached six figures by the time I had started by
six figures by the time I had started by
six figures by the time I had started by crazy women professional cyclists simply
crazy women professional cyclists simply
crazy women professional cyclists simply are barely paid a livable wage let alone
are barely paid a livable wage let alone
are barely paid a livable wage let alone one that would allow me to start paying
one that would allow me to start paying
one that would allow me to start paying back my medical school loan so was my
back my medical school loan so was my
back my medical school loan so was my cycling career a success I guess for
cycling career a success I guess for
cycling career a success I guess for those outside the Olympic bubble it was
those outside the Olympic bubble it was
those outside the Olympic bubble it was but to a u.s. athlete there’s definitely
but to a u.s. athlete there’s definitely
but to a u.s. athlete there’s definitely a sense that achieving a medal
a sense that achieving a medal
a sense that achieving a medal particularly gold is the only success
so the next significant life fork was
so the next significant life fork was the decision to leave academic medicine
the decision to leave academic medicine
the decision to leave academic medicine for clinical practice Rheumatology at
for clinical practice Rheumatology at
for clinical practice Rheumatology at that point I have been progressing as
that point I have been progressing as
that point I have been progressing as expected had an excellent faculty mentor
expected had an excellent faculty mentor
expected had an excellent faculty mentor had earned a couple research grants and
had earned a couple research grants and
had earned a couple research grants and a couple peer-reviewed articles but I
a couple peer-reviewed articles but I
a couple peer-reviewed articles but I had to be honest that I didn’t wake up
had to be honest that I didn’t wake up
had to be honest that I didn’t wake up every morning wondering what scientific
every morning wondering what scientific
every morning wondering what scientific question I could ask next I didn’t want
question I could ask next I didn’t want
question I could ask next I didn’t want to give up most of my clinical practice
to give up most of my clinical practice
to give up most of my clinical practice which was the advice of my faculty
which was the advice of my faculty
which was the advice of my faculty Mentors in order to have a successful
Mentors in order to have a successful
Mentors in order to have a successful research career although is really
research career although is really
research career although is really difficult to tell my faculty mentor who
difficult to tell my faculty mentor who
difficult to tell my faculty mentor who had believed in me that I was leaving
had believed in me that I was leaving
had believed in me that I was leaving academic medicine I had to remind myself
academic medicine I had to remind myself
academic medicine I had to remind myself my motto just because I can doesn’t mean
my motto just because I can doesn’t mean
my motto just because I can doesn’t mean I should and follow the path that felt
I should and follow the path that felt
I should and follow the path that felt right at the time now 11 years into
right at the time now 11 years into
right at the time now 11 years into clinical practice although I’ve had many
clinical practice although I’ve had many
clinical practice although I’ve had many memorable patients and can claim at
memorable patients and can claim at
memorable patients and can claim at least partial credit for saving a few
least partial credit for saving a few
least partial credit for saving a few lives I still ask myself am i doing
lives I still ask myself am i doing
lives I still ask myself am i doing enough for society at large and am i
enough for society at large and am i
enough for society at large and am i reaching my potential and what does that
reaching my potential and what does that
reaching my potential and what does that mean anyway so I come back to my older
mean anyway so I come back to my older
mean anyway so I come back to my older sisters comments she made to me years
sisters comments she made to me years
sisters comments she made to me years after I’d graduated from Grinnell no one
after I’d graduated from Grinnell no one
after I’d graduated from Grinnell no one tells you how hard it is to be a regular
tells you how hard it is to be a regular
tells you how hard it is to be a regular person what if we believed the journey
person what if we believed the journey
person what if we believed the journey was more important than the outcome even
was more important than the outcome even
was more important than the outcome even those by usual societal standards who
those by usual societal standards who
those by usual societal standards who seemed to have an easier journey in life
seemed to have an easier journey in life
seemed to have an easier journey in life need to discover what motivates them and
need to discover what motivates them and
need to discover what motivates them and answer for themselves the dilemma just
answer for themselves the dilemma just
answer for themselves the dilemma just because I can doesn’t mean I should
because I can doesn’t mean I should
because I can doesn’t mean I should because I believe success is defined by
because I believe success is defined by
because I believe success is defined by yourself and by following your own
yourself and by following your own
yourself and by following your own passions so I wish for you all a
passions so I wish for you all a
passions so I wish for you all a wonderful life journey
wonderful life journey
wonderful life journey and now I’ll get back to my own midlife
and now I’ll get back to my own midlife
and now I’ll get back to my own midlife journey one in which I’m not sure what
journey one in which I’m not sure what
journey one in which I’m not sure what will come thank you
”
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