please do you know your worth and if so how do you measure it is it found in how
how do you measure it is it found in how
how do you measure it is it found in how much money you make the type of
much money you make the type of
much money you make the type of education you have the family you come
education you have the family you come
education you have the family you come from or is it found in your physical
from or is it found in your physical
from or is it found in your physical appearance the definition of worth is
appearance the definition of worth is
appearance the definition of worth is the level at which someone or something
the level at which someone or something
the level at which someone or something is valued or rated but what if I was to
is valued or rated but what if I was to
is valued or rated but what if I was to tell you that that definition is all
tell you that that definition is all
tell you that that definition is all wrong
wrong
wrong we all you just don’t know what someone
we all you just don’t know what someone
we all you just don’t know what someone has gone through much like the person to
has gone through much like the person to
has gone through much like the person to the left or the right of you we all have
the left or the right of you we all have
the left or the right of you we all have invisible scars there are things that
invisible scars there are things that
invisible scars there are things that have happened to us that will remain
have happened to us that will remain
have happened to us that will remain with us but do they define us do you
with us but do they define us do you
with us but do they define us do you relate your worth to what you have been
relate your worth to what you have been
relate your worth to what you have been conditioned to think about yourself
conditioned to think about yourself
conditioned to think about yourself tonight
tonight
tonight we will journey together as I reveal
we will journey together as I reveal
we will journey together as I reveal stories of my invisible scars scars that
stories of my invisible scars scars that
stories of my invisible scars scars that I allowed to define my worth I always
I allowed to define my worth I always
I allowed to define my worth I always wanted that full house kind of family
wanted that full house kind of family
wanted that full house kind of family the one where mom where dad would give
the one where mom where dad would give
the one where mom where dad would give his little girl a big hug and kiss and
his little girl a big hug and kiss and
his little girl a big hug and kiss and let her know how much he loved her even
let her know how much he loved her even
let her know how much he loved her even when she made a mistake but that wasn’t
when she made a mistake but that wasn’t
when she made a mistake but that wasn’t my reality instead my childhood is
my reality instead my childhood is
my reality instead my childhood is overshadowed with memories of physical
overshadowed with memories of physical
overshadowed with memories of physical emotional and verbal abuse I felt
emotional and verbal abuse I felt
emotional and verbal abuse I felt overlooked and worthless and I spent
overlooked and worthless and I spent
overlooked and worthless and I spent endless nights pleading with God to take
endless nights pleading with God to take
endless nights pleading with God to take my life because I just couldn’t take
my life because I just couldn’t take
my life because I just couldn’t take another day of misery all I wanted was
another day of misery all I wanted was
another day of misery all I wanted was to be loved by my father to be his
to be loved by my father to be his
to be loved by my father to be his princess and for him to be my hero there
princess and for him to be my hero there
princess and for him to be my hero there was no need for an alarm in my home
was no need for an alarm in my home
was no need for an alarm in my home without fail I would wake up to my
without fail I would wake up to my
without fail I would wake up to my parents yelling and cursing at each
parents yelling and cursing at each
parents yelling and cursing at each other the sound of dishes and glasses
other the sound of dishes and glasses
other the sound of dishes and glasses being broken the sound of slaps and
being broken the sound of slaps and
being broken the sound of slaps and punches against flesh I would run out of
punches against flesh I would run out of
punches against flesh I would run out of my room in hopes of stopping the arguing
my room in hopes of stopping the arguing
my room in hopes of stopping the arguing but in between insults and expletives
but in between insults and expletives
but in between insults and expletives they would yell at me and tell me to go
they would yell at me and tell me to go
they would yell at me and tell me to go to my room and get out of there with
to my room and get out of there with
to my room and get out of there with tears streaming down my eyes I would beg
tears streaming down my eyes I would beg
tears streaming down my eyes I would beg them to stop but they paid no mind to me
them to stop but they paid no mind to me
them to stop but they paid no mind to me as they escalated the fight MMA style
as they escalated the fight MMA style
as they escalated the fight MMA style inevitably I became a casualty to their
inevitably I became a casualty to their
inevitably I became a casualty to their destructive behavior the man that was
destructive behavior the man that was
destructive behavior the man that was supposed to be my protector hurt me time
supposed to be my protector hurt me time
supposed to be my protector hurt me time and time again no amount of I’m sorry
and time again no amount of I’m sorry
and time again no amount of I’m sorry letters could erase the damage that was
letters could erase the damage that was
letters could erase the damage that was being done to my identity my childlike
being done to my identity my childlike
being done to my identity my childlike wonder and innocence was officially
wonder and innocence was officially
wonder and innocence was officially stolen from me no longer was I a soft
stolen from me no longer was I a soft
stolen from me no longer was I a soft sweet little girl I had lost all respect
sweet little girl I had lost all respect
sweet little girl I had lost all respect for my father and now I’d become an
for my father and now I’d become an
for my father and now I’d become an angry little girl who hated men all men
angry little girl who hated men all men
angry little girl who hated men all men that is except for my grandpa he passed
that is except for my grandpa he passed
that is except for my grandpa he passed away when I was 22 that’s when I fell
away when I was 22 that’s when I fell
away when I was 22 that’s when I fell apart I used alcohol and sex to escape
apart I used alcohol and sex to escape
apart I used alcohol and sex to escape the sadness and depression I didn’t find
the sadness and depression I didn’t find
the sadness and depression I didn’t find myself worthy of love and so I would
myself worthy of love and so I would
myself worthy of love and so I would self sabotage every relationship or nice
self sabotage every relationship or nice
self sabotage every relationship or nice person that came my way I recognized the
person that came my way I recognized the
person that came my way I recognized the crazy person I had become and I embraced
crazy person I had become and I embraced
crazy person I had become and I embraced her I became selfish violent reckless
her I became selfish violent reckless
her I became selfish violent reckless and mean and from that day forward I
and mean and from that day forward I
and mean and from that day forward I decided that I was going to become a
decided that I was going to become a
decided that I was going to become a black widow I wanted to hurt men and
black widow I wanted to hurt men and
black widow I wanted to hurt men and make them feel useless and worthless and
make them feel useless and worthless and
make them feel useless and worthless and unloved just like I was made to feel all
unloved just like I was made to feel all
unloved just like I was made to feel all those years see I desperately needed
those years see I desperately needed
those years see I desperately needed love I desperately longed for acceptance
love I desperately longed for acceptance
love I desperately longed for acceptance from my father I desperately needed an
from my father I desperately needed an
from my father I desperately needed an encouraging word spoken over my life so
encouraging word spoken over my life so
encouraging word spoken over my life so to fill the void
to fill the void
to fill the void I would take
acceptance from strange men who would
acceptance from strange men who would fondle me and in the same breath where
fondle me and in the same breath where
fondle me and in the same breath where they tell me I was special and in the
they tell me I was special and in the
they tell me I was special and in the same breath they would fondle me see my
same breath they would fondle me see my
same breath they would fondle me see my worth was found in what others told me I
worth was found in what others told me I
worth was found in what others told me I was my worth was found in how others
was my worth was found in how others
was my worth was found in how others treated me how much money I made the
treated me how much money I made the
treated me how much money I made the kind of car I drove the house I lived in
kind of car I drove the house I lived in
kind of car I drove the house I lived in I didn’t know my inherent Worth and so
I didn’t know my inherent Worth and so
I didn’t know my inherent Worth and so it began after graduating from
it began after graduating from
it began after graduating from university kumoi day I became a party
university kumoi day I became a party
university kumoi day I became a party stripper keke that was her name she was
stripper keke that was her name she was
stripper keke that was her name she was the queen bee
the queen bee
the queen bee whatever keke wanted keke got but in my
whatever keke wanted keke got but in my
whatever keke wanted keke got but in my personal life I was powerless it’s dark
personal life I was powerless it’s dark
personal life I was powerless it’s dark and I can’t help but wonder where he is
and I can’t help but wonder where he is
and I can’t help but wonder where he is I use my clicker to set the car alarm
I use my clicker to set the car alarm
I use my clicker to set the car alarm off and I stumbled to the car and
off and I stumbled to the car and
off and I stumbled to the car and quickly get inside I throw my backpack
quickly get inside I throw my backpack
quickly get inside I throw my backpack off and I begin to worry about him
off and I begin to worry about him
off and I begin to worry about him I’ve got his wallet and cell phone I
I’ve got his wallet and cell phone I
I’ve got his wallet and cell phone I turn on the radio and then I hear a bang
turn on the radio and then I hear a bang
turn on the radio and then I hear a bang bang bang it’s my boyfriend and he’s
bang bang it’s my boyfriend and he’s
bang bang it’s my boyfriend and he’s furious see about an hour earlier he had
furious see about an hour earlier he had
furious see about an hour earlier he had been ejected from the party we were act
been ejected from the party we were act
been ejected from the party we were act I roll down the window and his hairs all
I roll down the window and his hairs all
I roll down the window and his hairs all a mess and he’s all dirty and he tells
a mess and he’s all dirty and he tells
a mess and he’s all dirty and he tells me the cops had roughed him up he is so
me the cops had roughed him up he is so
me the cops had roughed him up he is so pissed he tries him to pull me out of
pissed he tries him to pull me out of
pissed he tries him to pull me out of the car window I mean I freaked my
the car window I mean I freaked my
the car window I mean I freaked my prince charming has flipped the switch
prince charming has flipped the switch
prince charming has flipped the switch so I throw the car into drive to get
so I throw the car into drive to get
so I throw the car into drive to get away from him but he proceeds to try and
away from him but he proceeds to try and
away from him but he proceeds to try and pull me out of the car well then he
pull me out of the car well then he
pull me out of the car well then he loses his grip falls to the ground and I
loses his grip falls to the ground and I
loses his grip falls to the ground and I run him over
run him over
run him over what happens next is nothing short of a
what happens next is nothing short of a
what happens next is nothing short of a fiasco the police arrest me they drive
fiasco the police arrest me they drive
fiasco the police arrest me they drive me hours away from home
me hours away from home
me hours away from home I’m fingerprinted cavity searched and
I’m fingerprinted cavity searched and
I’m fingerprinted cavity searched and booked with bail set at $100,000 how did
booked with bail set at $100,000 how did
booked with bail set at $100,000 how did this happen how did I end up here
this happen how did I end up here
this happen how did I end up here as I drag my mat to my cell I can’t help
as I drag my mat to my cell I can’t help
as I drag my mat to my cell I can’t help but play back the tape of my life I keep
but play back the tape of my life I keep
but play back the tape of my life I keep hoping that I’m gonna wake up from this
hoping that I’m gonna wake up from this
hoping that I’m gonna wake up from this nightmare I settle into my bunk and I
nightmare I settle into my bunk and I
nightmare I settle into my bunk and I begin to go through the contents of a
begin to go through the contents of a
begin to go through the contents of a medium-sized cardboard box of the deputy
medium-sized cardboard box of the deputy
medium-sized cardboard box of the deputy had given me when I come across
had given me when I come across
had given me when I come across something that I hadn’t seen in a long
something that I hadn’t seen in a long
something that I hadn’t seen in a long time and it was there in that cell the
time and it was there in that cell the
time and it was there in that cell the one thing that I had purposely stayed
one thing that I had purposely stayed
one thing that I had purposely stayed away from was now my only hope the Bible
away from was now my only hope the Bible
away from was now my only hope the Bible and what it represented I turn away no
and what it represented I turn away no
and what it represented I turn away no one knows why I’m act and nobody cares I
turned back to the box and begrudgingly
turned back to the box and begrudgingly I take the Bible in my hands and I cry
I take the Bible in my hands and I cry
I take the Bible in my hands and I cry God if you get me out of this I promise
God if you get me out of this I promise
God if you get me out of this I promise I will stop doing what I’m doing and I
I will stop doing what I’m doing and I
I will stop doing what I’m doing and I will live my life for you I wish that I
will live my life for you I wish that I
will live my life for you I wish that I could tell you that I was miraculously
could tell you that I was miraculously
could tell you that I was miraculously released from jail and I was cured of
released from jail and I was cured of
released from jail and I was cured of all my heartache and brokenness but that
all my heartache and brokenness but that
all my heartache and brokenness but that was only the beginning
was only the beginning
was only the beginning I continued to work in the sex industry
I continued to work in the sex industry
I continued to work in the sex industry and wasn’t sure what was to become of me
and wasn’t sure what was to become of me
and wasn’t sure what was to become of me the first lawyer I spoke to said I could
the first lawyer I spoke to said I could
the first lawyer I spoke to said I could be facing attempted murder charges I was
be facing attempted murder charges I was
be facing attempted murder charges I was living in a constant state of fear my
living in a constant state of fear my
living in a constant state of fear my future was in someone else’s hands and
future was in someone else’s hands and
future was in someone else’s hands and there was anything that I could do about
there was anything that I could do about
there was anything that I could do about it after about eight months of waiting
it after about eight months of waiting
it after about eight months of waiting the verdict was in the DA had asked to
the verdict was in the DA had asked to
the verdict was in the DA had asked to see me before we went into court
see me before we went into court
see me before we went into court I was terrified but then he tells me
I was terrified but then he tells me
I was terrified but then he tells me that he’s dropping all charges it’s like
that he’s dropping all charges it’s like
that he’s dropping all charges it’s like it never happened I couldn’t believe it
it never happened I couldn’t believe it
it never happened I couldn’t believe it I was in shock
I was in shock
I was in shock God had come through on his end of the
God had come through on his end of the
God had come through on his end of the deal but now it was my turn so I left
deal but now it was my turn so I left
deal but now it was my turn so I left the sex industry in September of 2011 it
the sex industry in September of 2011 it
the sex industry in September of 2011 it was one of the hardest things that I
was one of the hardest things that I
was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do but it was game time
ever had to do but it was game time
ever had to do but it was game time there wasn’t any more running from my
there wasn’t any more running from my
there wasn’t any more running from my problems I had to face them head-on
problems I had to face them head-on
problems I had to face them head-on the two years to follow were times of
the two years to follow were times of
the two years to follow were times of extreme hardship and testing I wanted to
extreme hardship and testing I wanted to
extreme hardship and testing I wanted to give up I wanted to go back to the money
give up I wanted to go back to the money
give up I wanted to go back to the money but I knew it was time to press in so
but I knew it was time to press in so
but I knew it was time to press in so with gritted teeth and tears I stuck it
with gritted teeth and tears I stuck it
with gritted teeth and tears I stuck it through during this time I discovered my
through during this time I discovered my
through during this time I discovered my true Worth and a new perspective was
true Worth and a new perspective was
true Worth and a new perspective was released on my life so what was it they
released on my life so what was it they
released on my life so what was it they caused this change of heart I had
caused this change of heart I had
caused this change of heart I had everything that society says we should
everything that society says we should
everything that society says we should strive for money and power only no
strive for money and power only no
strive for money and power only no matter how much money I had it was never
matter how much money I had it was never
matter how much money I had it was never enough there was still a void have you
enough there was still a void have you
enough there was still a void have you ever felt that way you could have the
ever felt that way you could have the
ever felt that way you could have the highest paying job the nicest car the
highest paying job the nicest car the
highest paying job the nicest car the coolest house but at the end of the day
coolest house but at the end of the day
coolest house but at the end of the day you still feel like something is missing
you still feel like something is missing
you still feel like something is missing that was me
that was me
that was me while I was still working in the sex
while I was still working in the sex
while I was still working in the sex industry I decided that I wanted to go
industry I decided that I wanted to go
industry I decided that I wanted to go Church shopping and I actually found a
Church shopping and I actually found a
Church shopping and I actually found a church that I really liked because they
church that I really liked because they
church that I really liked because they didn’t judge me but boy did they have
didn’t judge me but boy did they have
didn’t judge me but boy did they have every reason to I mean I walked up in
every reason to I mean I walked up in
every reason to I mean I walked up in there and my daisy dukes and my boobies
there and my daisy dukes and my boobies
there and my daisy dukes and my boobies hanging out and my crazy high stilettos
hanging out and my crazy high stilettos
hanging out and my crazy high stilettos my makeup from the night before
my makeup from the night before
my makeup from the night before but no one told me I needed to change
but no one told me I needed to change
but no one told me I needed to change they just loved me they encouraged me
they just loved me they encouraged me
they just loved me they encouraged me they highlighted my talents and they
they highlighted my talents and they
they highlighted my talents and they told me time and time again that I’m
told me time and time again that I’m
told me time and time again that I’m valuable and that I was created for
valuable and that I was created for
valuable and that I was created for great things I didn’t know how to
great things I didn’t know how to
great things I didn’t know how to receive what they were telling me see I
receive what they were telling me see I
receive what they were telling me see I was conditioned as a child to believe
was conditioned as a child to believe
was conditioned as a child to believe that I was good for nothing
that I was good for nothing
that I was good for nothing that I was a nuisance that I would never
that I was a nuisance that I would never
that I was a nuisance that I would never amount to anything but on September 11th
amount to anything but on September 11th
amount to anything but on September 11th 2011 I made a decision no longer was I
2011 I made a decision no longer was I
2011 I made a decision no longer was I going to live or identify with the
going to live or identify with the
going to live or identify with the labels that people have placed on me
labels that people have placed on me
labels that people have placed on me labels like worthless ugly stupid
labels like worthless ugly stupid
labels like worthless ugly stupid failure pathetic useless crazy I
failure pathetic useless crazy I
failure pathetic useless crazy I learned to cast off my old self the
learned to cast off my old self the
learned to cast off my old self the selfishness the addictions the anger the
selfishness the addictions the anger the
selfishness the addictions the anger the violence I stand before you tonight
violence I stand before you tonight
violence I stand before you tonight totally transformed I am not who I used
totally transformed I am not who I used
totally transformed I am not who I used to be I’ve risen from the ashes of my
to be I’ve risen from the ashes of my
to be I’ve risen from the ashes of my past I am healed and whole no longer am
past I am healed and whole no longer am
past I am healed and whole no longer am i carrying the labels of worthless
i carrying the labels of worthless
i carrying the labels of worthless unwanted and unloved I no longer
unwanted and unloved I no longer
unwanted and unloved I no longer identify as a victim of my circumstances
identify as a victim of my circumstances
identify as a victim of my circumstances i forgiven my father and we have an
i forgiven my father and we have an
i forgiven my father and we have an amiable relationship with one another I
amiable relationship with one another I
amiable relationship with one another I no longer blame him for my misfortunes
no longer blame him for my misfortunes
no longer blame him for my misfortunes what was meant to destroy me became the
what was meant to destroy me became the
what was meant to destroy me became the impetus to my destiny and I can truly
impetus to my destiny and I can truly
impetus to my destiny and I can truly tell you that if it wasn’t for that God
tell you that if it wasn’t for that God
tell you that if it wasn’t for that God encounter I would still be using my body
encounter I would still be using my body
encounter I would still be using my body as currency I found out that my worth is
as currency I found out that my worth is
as currency I found out that my worth is not attached to the labels that others
not attached to the labels that others
not attached to the labels that others had placed on me or the bad choices that
had placed on me or the bad choices that
had placed on me or the bad choices that I had made I discovered that I am
I had made I discovered that I am
I had made I discovered that I am fearfully and wonderfully made that I am
fearfully and wonderfully made that I am
fearfully and wonderfully made that I am loved Val
loved Val
loved Val and purposed shortly after I left the
and purposed shortly after I left the
and purposed shortly after I left the industry I was prompted to apply to be a
industry I was prompted to apply to be a
industry I was prompted to apply to be a missionary a crazy thought I know I mean
missionary a crazy thought I know I mean
missionary a crazy thought I know I mean who was going to want a psycho ex
who was going to want a psycho ex
who was going to want a psycho ex stripper who ran over her boyfriend as a
stripper who ran over her boyfriend as a
stripper who ran over her boyfriend as a missionary but nonetheless I applied and
missionary but nonetheless I applied and
missionary but nonetheless I applied and I was accepted for a nine-month mission
I was accepted for a nine-month mission
I was accepted for a nine-month mission to the Philippines
to the Philippines
to the Philippines it was after 25 years I finally knew my
it was after 25 years I finally knew my
it was after 25 years I finally knew my purpose to let others know their value
purpose to let others know their value
purpose to let others know their value and feel loved I’m no longer a victim of
and feel loved I’m no longer a victim of
and feel loved I’m no longer a victim of my circumstances so you’ve heard my
my circumstances so you’ve heard my
my circumstances so you’ve heard my story oh what about yours were you
story oh what about yours were you
story oh what about yours were you overlooked have you struggled with
overlooked have you struggled with
overlooked have you struggled with self-worth are you yearning for love and
self-worth are you yearning for love and
self-worth are you yearning for love and acceptance has it caused you to not make
acceptance has it caused you to not make
acceptance has it caused you to not make the wisest of decisions are you not
the wisest of decisions are you not
the wisest of decisions are you not happy with a person that you’ve become
happy with a person that you’ve become
happy with a person that you’ve become I’m here to tell you it’s okay your
I’m here to tell you it’s okay your
I’m here to tell you it’s okay your essence is valuable choose to live free
essence is valuable choose to live free
essence is valuable choose to live free from the negative labels that people
from the negative labels that people
from the negative labels that people have placed on you you can rewrite your
have placed on you you can rewrite your
have placed on you you can rewrite your story seek healing get around people
story seek healing get around people
story seek healing get around people that are going to love and encourage you
that are going to love and encourage you
that are going to love and encourage you you are not meant to carry guilt shame
you are not meant to carry guilt shame
you are not meant to carry guilt shame or condemnation cast it off and don’t
or condemnation cast it off and don’t
or condemnation cast it off and don’t stop dreaming
stop dreaming
stop dreaming keep fight
don’t give up and don’t forget that
don’t give up and don’t forget that failure is a part of success your story
failure is a part of success your story
failure is a part of success your story is important oh when we share stories
is important oh when we share stories
is important oh when we share stories our stories of adversity it lets others
our stories of adversity it lets others
our stories of adversity it lets others know that they’re not alone it’s time to
know that they’re not alone it’s time to
know that they’re not alone it’s time to take hold of your identity choose to
take hold of your identity choose to
take hold of your identity choose to step out of the victim mentality and
step out of the victim mentality and
step out of the victim mentality and into the victor mentality know your
into the victor mentality know your
into the victor mentality know your Worth there is anything you have done or
Worth there is anything you have done or
Worth there is anything you have done or will do that could ever lessen your
will do that could ever lessen your
will do that could ever lessen your worth
worth
worth let me give you an example if I had a
let me give you an example if I had a
let me give you an example if I had a dollar bill and I crunched it up it’s
dollar bill and I crunched it up it’s
dollar bill and I crunched it up it’s still worth a dollar but how about if I
still worth a dollar but how about if I
still worth a dollar but how about if I got that dollar and I threw it on the
got that dollar and I threw it on the
got that dollar and I threw it on the ground and I stepped on it is it still
ground and I stepped on it is it still
ground and I stepped on it is it still worth a dollar what if I took that
worth a dollar what if I took that
worth a dollar what if I took that dollar ripped it in half taped it up
dollar ripped it in half taped it up
dollar ripped it in half taped it up it’s still worth a dollar and such as
it’s still worth a dollar and such as
it’s still worth a dollar and such as you’re worth no one can take away your
you’re worth no one can take away your
you’re worth no one can take away your value no one is perfect so stop blaming
value no one is perfect so stop blaming
value no one is perfect so stop blaming yourself and stop beating yourself up
yourself and stop beating yourself up
yourself and stop beating yourself up about it it’s time to reclaim what was
about it it’s time to reclaim what was
about it it’s time to reclaim what was stolen from you you are worthy Maya
stolen from you you are worthy Maya
stolen from you you are worthy Maya Angelou sums it up perfectly in her poem
Angelou sums it up perfectly in her poem
Angelou sums it up perfectly in her poem I rise you may shoot me with your words
I rise you may shoot me with your words
I rise you may shoot me with your words you may cut me with your eyes you may
you may cut me with your eyes you may
you may cut me with your eyes you may kill me with your hatefulness but still
kill me with your hatefulness but still
kill me with your hatefulness but still like air I’ll rise
like air I’ll rise
like air I’ll rise out of the huts of history shame I rise
out of the huts of history shame I rise
out of the huts of history shame I rise up from a past that’s rooted in pain I
up from a past that’s rooted in pain I
up from a past that’s rooted in pain I rise will you choose to rise from the
rise will you choose to rise from the
rise will you choose to rise from the ashes of your past and know your Worth
ashes of your past and know your Worth
ashes of your past and know your Worth thank
”
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