thank you and it’s really nice to be here with all of you today so people say
here with all of you today so people say
here with all of you today so people say I’m a resilient person it’s not a sexy
I’m a resilient person it’s not a sexy
I’m a resilient person it’s not a sexy label as you know art artistic or
label as you know art artistic or
label as you know art artistic or talented but it stuck to me my entire
talented but it stuck to me my entire
talented but it stuck to me my entire life
life
life like gum on the bottom of my shoe
like gum on the bottom of my shoe
like gum on the bottom of my shoe because my life has continuously been
because my life has continuously been
because my life has continuously been turned upside down and shaken like a
turned upside down and shaken like a
turned upside down and shaken like a snow globe in the hands of an
snow globe in the hands of an
snow globe in the hands of an inquisitive child but it makes me wonder
inquisitive child but it makes me wonder
inquisitive child but it makes me wonder is it possible to be too resilient I
is it possible to be too resilient I
is it possible to be too resilient I wanted to be a woman who fainted a
wanted to be a woman who fainted a
wanted to be a woman who fainted a heroine who could swoon and be saved
heroine who could swoon and be saved
heroine who could swoon and be saved from harm what’s on the playground I
from harm what’s on the playground I
from harm what’s on the playground I twirled until I was dizzy and put my
twirled until I was dizzy and put my
twirled until I was dizzy and put my hand on my forehead side dramatically
hand on my forehead side dramatically
hand on my forehead side dramatically and fell backwards busted my hand open
and fell backwards busted my hand open
and fell backwards busted my hand open on the pavement that’s when I realized
on the pavement that’s when I realized
on the pavement that’s when I realized that I was gonna have to toughen up
that I was gonna have to toughen up
that I was gonna have to toughen up because I was probably not destined to
because I was probably not destined to
because I was probably not destined to become a heroine in a Jane Austen novel
become a heroine in a Jane Austen novel
become a heroine in a Jane Austen novel now I don’t want you to think that there
now I don’t want you to think that there
now I don’t want you to think that there haven’t been great wonderful moments in
haven’t been great wonderful moments in
haven’t been great wonderful moments in my life because there have it’s just
my life because there have it’s just
my life because there have it’s just that there seems to have been a
that there seems to have been a
that there seems to have been a disproportionate number of resilience
disproportionate number of resilience
disproportionate number of resilience building challenges that have left gifts
building challenges that have left gifts
building challenges that have left gifts of wisdom and experience at my feet like
of wisdom and experience at my feet like
of wisdom and experience at my feet like a dead mouse from a cat now we all can
a dead mouse from a cat now we all can
a dead mouse from a cat now we all can access resilience in times of need I
access resilience in times of need I
access resilience in times of need I don’t know where it comes from
don’t know where it comes from
don’t know where it comes from maybe survival of the fittest codes it
maybe survival of the fittest codes it
maybe survival of the fittest codes it into our DNA my mother was born in 1910
into our DNA my mother was born in 1910
into our DNA my mother was born in 1910 she weighed 2 pounds
she weighed 2 pounds
she weighed 2 pounds believing that the preemie couldn’t
believing that the preemie couldn’t
believing that the preemie couldn’t possibly survive the Midwife removed my
possibly survive the Midwife removed my
possibly survive the Midwife removed my mother from my grandmother’s care to
mother from my grandmother’s care to
mother from my grandmother’s care to keep her from getting too attached she
keep her from getting too attached she
keep her from getting too attached she cut open a feather pillow put my mother
cut open a feather pillow put my mother
cut open a feather pillow put my mother in it to keep her warm until she died
in it to keep her warm until she died
in it to keep her warm until she died but my mother had different plans she
but my mother had different plans she
but my mother had different plans she was only about the size of a dollar bill
was only about the size of a dollar bill
was only about the size of a dollar bill but she was resilient
but she was resilient
but she was resilient sometimes resilience is simply
sometimes resilience is simply
sometimes resilience is simply continuing to breathe until your mother
continuing to breathe until your mother
continuing to breathe until your mother can find the courage to decide that the
can find the courage to decide that the
can find the courage to decide that the Midwife is wrong and that you will live
Midwife is wrong and that you will live
Midwife is wrong and that you will live during a race riot in Tulsa Oklahoma in
during a race riot in Tulsa Oklahoma in
during a race riot in Tulsa Oklahoma in 1921 my mother was taken with a case of
1921 my mother was taken with a case of
1921 my mother was taken with a case of acute appendicitis as she and my
acute appendicitis as she and my
acute appendicitis as she and my grandmother were fleeing the city
grandmother were fleeing the city
grandmother were fleeing the city leaving my mother in the care of
leaving my mother in the care of
leaving my mother in the care of strangers my grandmother turned back to
strangers my grandmother turned back to
strangers my grandmother turned back to find someone with a car who could take
find someone with a car who could take
find someone with a car who could take my mother to the hospital a National
my mother to the hospital a National
my mother to the hospital a National Guardsman ordered her to stop and when
Guardsman ordered her to stop and when
Guardsman ordered her to stop and when she refused he stabbed her in the side
she refused he stabbed her in the side
she refused he stabbed her in the side with a bayonet and left her in the
with a bayonet and left her in the
with a bayonet and left her in the streets to die but she got up and found
streets to die but she got up and found
streets to die but she got up and found a way to get my mother admitted into the
a way to get my mother admitted into the
a way to get my mother admitted into the hospital and when she was refused
hospital and when she was refused
hospital and when she was refused treatment for her own wounds she walked
treatment for her own wounds she walked
treatment for her own wounds she walked from day into night she said that the
from day into night she said that the
from day into night she said that the pain was so bad with the blood running
pain was so bad with the blood running
pain was so bad with the blood running down her side and into her shoe
down her side and into her shoe
down her side and into her shoe she just wanted to lie down and die but
she just wanted to lie down and die but
she just wanted to lie down and die but the love for my mother kept her going
the love for my mother kept her going
the love for my mother kept her going sometimes resilience is simply taking
sometimes resilience is simply taking
sometimes resilience is simply taking one step and then another until you can
one step and then another until you can
one step and then another until you can reach safety my early childhood years
reach safety my early childhood years
reach safety my early childhood years are mostly a blur but two moments are
are mostly a blur but two moments are
are mostly a blur but two moments are indelibly etched there is the taste of a
indelibly etched there is the taste of a
indelibly etched there is the taste of a neighbor’s tongue as he held me pressed
neighbor’s tongue as he held me pressed
neighbor’s tongue as he held me pressed against a wall my legs dangling high
against a wall my legs dangling high
against a wall my legs dangling high above the floor as he groped and he
above the floor as he groped and he
above the floor as he groped and he grunted and then similar treatment a few
grunted and then similar treatment a few
grunted and then similar treatment a few years later from my grandmother’s
years later from my grandmother’s
years later from my grandmother’s employer who silenced me with the
employer who silenced me with the
employer who silenced me with the warning that at her age my grandmother
warning that at her age my grandmother
warning that at her age my grandmother would have a very difficult time finding
would have a very difficult time finding
would have a very difficult time finding another job was the fact that I endured
another job was the fact that I endured
another job was the fact that I endured these transgressions a sign of
these transgressions a sign of
these transgressions a sign of resiliency I don’t really think so
resiliency I don’t really think so
resiliency I don’t really think so I think it showed up later when I did
I think it showed up later when I did
I think it showed up later when I did not become a predator on children when I
not become a predator on children when I
not become a predator on children when I did not become more promiscuous than was
did not become more promiscuous than was
did not become more promiscuous than was normal for a hippie in the 60s and when
normal for a hippie in the 60s and when
normal for a hippie in the 60s and when I fell in love and lived my life without
I fell in love and lived my life without
I fell in love and lived my life without dragging the acres of somebody else’s
dragging the acres of somebody else’s
dragging the acres of somebody else’s sins along with me and speaking of
sins along with me and speaking of
sins along with me and speaking of marriage my guy was tall and handsome he
marriage my guy was tall and handsome he
marriage my guy was tall and handsome he had an old Volvo that he had to push
had an old Volvo that he had to push
had an old Volvo that he had to push down the street to get started and
down the street to get started and
down the street to get started and although he surfed all day and danced
although he surfed all day and danced
although he surfed all day and danced all night only paid his part of the rent
all night only paid his part of the rent
all night only paid his part of the rent eventually over time we evolved we got a
eventually over time we evolved we got a
eventually over time we evolved we got a cat we got our daughters he got a union
cat we got our daughters he got a union
cat we got our daughters he got a union job with benefits we bought a house we
job with benefits we bought a house we
job with benefits we bought a house we even had a golden retriever middle-class
even had a golden retriever middle-class
even had a golden retriever middle-class we had to buy and then 17 years ago I
we had to buy and then 17 years ago I
we had to buy and then 17 years ago I started working here at UCLA our
started working here at UCLA our
started working here at UCLA our daughters were barely teenagers Barry’s
daughters were barely teenagers Barry’s
daughters were barely teenagers Barry’s career was in full swing and I felt like
career was in full swing and I felt like
career was in full swing and I felt like Mary Tyler Moore when she sails her hat
Mary Tyler Moore when she sails her hat
Mary Tyler Moore when she sails her hat into the air and then three days later
into the air and then three days later
into the air and then three days later am i beautiful 43 year old husband had a
am i beautiful 43 year old husband had a
am i beautiful 43 year old husband had a massive stroke and died life just rolled
massive stroke and died life just rolled
massive stroke and died life just rolled up in an unmarked van snatched me off
up in an unmarked van snatched me off
up in an unmarked van snatched me off the street knocked me out and when I
the street knocked me out and when I
the street knocked me out and when I woke up I was in a no hold cage fight
woke up I was in a no hold cage fight
woke up I was in a no hold cage fight where I just had a punch above my weight
where I just had a punch above my weight
where I just had a punch above my weight if I wanted to survive all I could do
if I wanted to survive all I could do
if I wanted to survive all I could do was like my mother just breathe through
was like my mother just breathe through
was like my mother just breathe through the hurt and the anger the fear the
the hurt and the anger the fear the
the hurt and the anger the fear the grief as I had to identify my husband’s
grief as I had to identify my husband’s
grief as I had to identify my husband’s body let me tell you you don’t ever want
body let me tell you you don’t ever want
body let me tell you you don’t ever want to be required to identify a loved one’s
to be required to identify a loved one’s
to be required to identify a loved one’s body and like my grandmother I just
body and like my grandmother I just
body and like my grandmother I just wanted to lay down and die and I
wanted to lay down and die and I
wanted to lay down and die and I couldn’t because the love for my
couldn’t because the love for my
couldn’t because the love for my children outweighed my sorrow so at home
children outweighed my sorrow so at home
children outweighed my sorrow so at home I tried to be both mother
I tried to be both mother
I tried to be both mother and father and I came back to work so
and father and I came back to work so
and father and I came back to work so cool most of my co-workers didn’t even
cool most of my co-workers didn’t even
cool most of my co-workers didn’t even know something had happened my goal was
know something had happened my goal was
know something had happened my goal was to become indispensable because I needed
to become indispensable because I needed
to become indispensable because I needed the job but inside my emotions were like
the job but inside my emotions were like
the job but inside my emotions were like a pressure cooker just set to explode
a pressure cooker just set to explode
a pressure cooker just set to explode I found resilience in my car
I found resilience in my car
I found resilience in my car during the gridlocked part of the daily
during the gridlocked part of the daily
during the gridlocked part of the daily commute or I screamed and cried and
commute or I screamed and cried and
commute or I screamed and cried and banged my head on the steering wheel and
banged my head on the steering wheel and
banged my head on the steering wheel and I scream what just happened where do I
I scream what just happened where do I
I scream what just happened where do I go from here then when I reach my
go from here then when I reach my
go from here then when I reach my destination be at home or the office
destination be at home or the office
destination be at home or the office wipe my face and put on my smile my
wipe my face and put on my smile my
wipe my face and put on my smile my financial situation was like I had
financial situation was like I had
financial situation was like I had fallen unseen and soundlessly into the
fallen unseen and soundlessly into the
fallen unseen and soundlessly into the ocean from the side of a cruise ship at
ocean from the side of a cruise ship at
ocean from the side of a cruise ship at midnight I watched the lights on the
midnight I watched the lights on the
midnight I watched the lights on the good ship financial stability just sail
good ship financial stability just sail
good ship financial stability just sail away and I was left to tread water and
away and I was left to tread water and
away and I was left to tread water and avoid the sharks that surrounded me or
avoid the sharks that surrounded me or
avoid the sharks that surrounded me or drown and so what financial hardship is
drown and so what financial hardship is
drown and so what financial hardship is an everyday occurrence resilience is
an everyday occurrence resilience is
an everyday occurrence resilience is finding the silver lining in a bad
finding the silver lining in a bad
finding the silver lining in a bad situation after I had robbed Peter and
situation after I had robbed Peter and
situation after I had robbed Peter and his cousin Paul
his cousin Paul
his cousin Paul and I still had to forego paid the
and I still had to forego paid the
and I still had to forego paid the electric bill if I wanted to stay
electric bill if I wanted to stay
electric bill if I wanted to stay current with my property taxes I just
current with my property taxes I just
current with my property taxes I just thought the DWP come out and turn out
thought the DWP come out and turn out
thought the DWP come out and turn out the lights because when they do that
the lights because when they do that
the lights because when they do that they don’t mess with the water so you
they don’t mess with the water so you
they don’t mess with the water so you can still flush the toilet my friends
can still flush the toilet my friends
can still flush the toilet my friends went to Disneyland I went to the carwash
went to Disneyland I went to the carwash
went to Disneyland I went to the carwash you know the kind where you stay in the
you know the kind where you stay in the
you know the kind where you stay in the car and they put the pink and the purple
car and they put the pink and the purple
car and they put the pink and the purple soap on the windshield and lights flash
soap on the windshield and lights flash
soap on the windshield and lights flash all around it was my two-minute version
all around it was my two-minute version
all around it was my two-minute version of Pirates of the Caribbean resiliency
of Pirates of the Caribbean resiliency
of Pirates of the Caribbean resiliency is being able to see the shores of
is being able to see the shores of
is being able to see the shores of financial stability and understanding I
financial stability and understanding I
financial stability and understanding I am a strong swimmer so yes I think I’m a
am a strong swimmer so yes I think I’m a
am a strong swimmer so yes I think I’m a resilient person but that still brings
resilient person but that still brings
resilient person but that still brings up the question is it possible to be too
up the question is it possible to be too
up the question is it possible to be too resilient you know that all saying don’t
resilient you know that all saying don’t
resilient you know that all saying don’t start none won’t be none
start none won’t be none
start none won’t be none that is my mantra people who are
that is my mantra people who are
that is my mantra people who are constantly assaulted by life either get
constantly assaulted by life either get
constantly assaulted by life either get ground down like a cigarette butt on the
ground down like a cigarette butt on the
ground down like a cigarette butt on the sidewalk or we become prime for a fight
sidewalk or we become prime for a fight
sidewalk or we become prime for a fight if you see trouble out there you better
if you see trouble out there you better
if you see trouble out there you better warn it that I am not the one however if
warn it that I am not the one however if
warn it that I am not the one however if all I want is to be loved and respected
all I want is to be loved and respected
all I want is to be loved and respected and feel safe have a job and a place to
and feel safe have a job and a place to
and feel safe have a job and a place to call home but the muscle memory of
call home but the muscle memory of
call home but the muscle memory of resilience causes me to shield my softer
resilience causes me to shield my softer
resilience causes me to shield my softer side and I am constantly scanning the
side and I am constantly scanning the
side and I am constantly scanning the horizon looking for danger then I owe it
horizon looking for danger then I owe it
horizon looking for danger then I owe it to myself and everyone around me to find
to myself and everyone around me to find
to myself and everyone around me to find balance resilient people are supposed to
balance resilient people are supposed to
balance resilient people are supposed to snap back to being stretched beyond Oh
snap back to being stretched beyond Oh
snap back to being stretched beyond Oh it’s like a rubber band but anything
it’s like a rubber band but anything
it’s like a rubber band but anything that is stretched too much loses its
that is stretched too much loses its
that is stretched too much loses its elasticity or it breaks and I don’t want
elasticity or it breaks and I don’t want
elasticity or it breaks and I don’t want to break so I am reassigning what
to break so I am reassigning what
to break so I am reassigning what resilience means in my life I am
resilience means in my life I am
resilience means in my life I am disconnecting it from bad things and I
disconnecting it from bad things and I
disconnecting it from bad things and I am assigning it to good
am assigning it to good
am assigning it to good I am going to take my rubber band and
I am going to take my rubber band and
I am going to take my rubber band and just sail it off into the air releasing
just sail it off into the air releasing
just sail it off into the air releasing worry over things that I cannot control
worry over things that I cannot control
worry over things that I cannot control I’m going to live my life courageously
I’m going to live my life courageously
I’m going to live my life courageously with gratitude and patience accepting
with gratitude and patience accepting
with gratitude and patience accepting friendship and kindness I am gonna dance
friendship and kindness I am gonna dance
friendship and kindness I am gonna dance like I don’t care who’s watching and I
like I don’t care who’s watching and I
like I don’t care who’s watching and I am never gonna need to faint not even
am never gonna need to faint not even
am never gonna need to faint not even once
once
once thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
you
you [Applause]
”
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