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Is confidence in my DNA? | Emma Lawton | TEDxLondon


firstly I would say you’ve got to have

firstly I would say you’ve got to have confidence to wear trousers like this

my name is Emma and four years ago at

my name is Emma and four years ago at the age of 29 I was diagnosed with

the age of 29 I was diagnosed with

the age of 29 I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and that’s a story

Parkinson’s disease and that’s a story

Parkinson’s disease and that’s a story I’ve probably told many times the story

I’ve probably told many times the story

I’ve probably told many times the story I want to tell today started thirty

I want to tell today started thirty

I want to tell today started thirty years prior to that these two very soft

years prior to that these two very soft

years prior to that these two very soft focus lovelies got married and decided

focus lovelies got married and decided

focus lovelies got married and decided they wanted to have children they would

they wanted to have children they would

they wanted to have children they would become my parents Ned’s and Lanny and

become my parents Ned’s and Lanny and

become my parents Ned’s and Lanny and four years after this I was born into

four years after this I was born into

four years after this I was born into the world yellow and tiny and I was

the world yellow and tiny and I was

the world yellow and tiny and I was given something by them a little bit of

given something by them a little bit of

given something by them a little bit of both of them

both of them

both of them my mom was quite timid at this stage you

my mom was quite timid at this stage you

my mom was quite timid at this stage you can tell by the very sweet expression on

can tell by the very sweet expression on

can tell by the very sweet expression on her face she was very timid and my dad

her face she was very timid and my dad

her face she was very timid and my dad was a bit of a ham a confident person

was a bit of a ham a confident person

was a bit of a ham a confident person would go into any room and tell a story

would go into any room and tell a story

would go into any room and tell a story and command a stage and I became a

and command a stage and I became a

and command a stage and I became a little bit of both of them confident in

little bit of both of them confident in

little bit of both of them confident in my own little way confident among my

my own little way confident among my

my own little way confident among my friends confident in the situation’s I

friends confident in the situation’s I

friends confident in the situation’s I was comfortable in confident I was into

was comfortable in confident I was into

was comfortable in confident I was into drama in a big way and he put me on a

drama in a big way and he put me on a

drama in a big way and he put me on a stage and I’d be confident but I’d come

stage and I’d be confident but I’d come

stage and I’d be confident but I’d come off as a little timid Mouse afterwards

off as a little timid Mouse afterwards

off as a little timid Mouse afterwards but they never pushed me to be anything

but they never pushed me to be anything

but they never pushed me to be anything more than that they were always

more than that they were always

more than that they were always incredibly accepting of me and who I was

incredibly accepting of me and who I was

incredibly accepting of me and who I was and what I brought to the world just as

and what I brought to the world just as

and what I brought to the world just as they were with each other there were

they were with each other there were

they were with each other there were such different people and they looked at

such different people and they looked at

such different people and they looked at each other and they loved each other and

each other and they loved each other and

each other and they loved each other and they loved me for being a mix of the two

they loved me for being a mix of the two

they loved me for being a mix of the two of them and so I grew up in a situation

of them and so I grew up in a situation

of them and so I grew up in a situation feeling incredibly supportive incredibly

feeling incredibly supportive incredibly

feeling incredibly supportive incredibly cared for and as if it was okay to be me

cared for and as if it was okay to be me

cared for and as if it was okay to be me and I don’t Kylie at this stage I never

and I don’t Kylie at this stage I never

and I don’t Kylie at this stage I never really knew how important this would be

really knew how important this would be

really knew how important this would be for the rest of my life and I carried on

for the rest of my life and I carried on

for the rest of my life and I carried on much in the same way until I became a

much in the same way until I became a

much in the same way until I became a small child all the way through to my

small child all the way through to my

small child all the way through to my teenage years right up until the end of

teenage years right up until the end of

teenage years right up until the end of my 20s when my diagnosis of Parkinson’s

my 20s when my diagnosis of Parkinson’s

my 20s when my diagnosis of Parkinson’s came it was a little bit of a shock I’m

came it was a little bit of a shock I’m

came it was a little bit of a shock I’m not going to lie to you I’m not

not going to lie to you I’m not

not going to lie to you I’m not older man so I wasn’t expecting it to be

older man so I wasn’t expecting it to be

older man so I wasn’t expecting it to be Parkinson’s and when you’re diagnosed

Parkinson’s and when you’re diagnosed

Parkinson’s and when you’re diagnosed with something long-term when you’re

with something long-term when you’re

with something long-term when you’re diagnosed with anything you’re chucked

diagnosed with anything you’re chucked

diagnosed with anything you’re chucked into a box and there’s a label put onto

into a box and there’s a label put onto

into a box and there’s a label put onto it and the ceiling is put in place and

it and the ceiling is put in place and

it and the ceiling is put in place and it’s very difficult to push past that

it’s very difficult to push past that

it’s very difficult to push past that you have to really really want to and

you have to really really want to and

you have to really really want to and sometimes that ceiling is there because

sometimes that ceiling is there because

sometimes that ceiling is there because you’ve put it there and the expectations

you’ve put it there and the expectations

you’ve put it there and the expectations for you is so much lower because you’re

for you is so much lower because you’re

for you is so much lower because you’re expecting less of yourself just getting

expecting less of yourself just getting

expecting less of yourself just getting up or going into work your inspirational

up or going into work your inspirational

up or going into work your inspirational for doing that just getting on with your

for doing that just getting on with your

for doing that just getting on with your life your inspirational for doing that

life your inspirational for doing that

life your inspirational for doing that and I wanted more than that I wanted to

and I wanted more than that I wanted to

and I wanted more than that I wanted to push past that and actually live an

push past that and actually live an

push past that and actually live an exciting life and luckily my friends and

exciting life and luckily my friends and

exciting life and luckily my friends and my family expected the same with me too

my family expected the same with me too

my family expected the same with me too they didn’t put me in a box they said

they didn’t put me in a box they said

they didn’t put me in a box they said you’re the same Emma and they laughed at

you’re the same Emma and they laughed at

you’re the same Emma and they laughed at me and joked with me in the same way

me and joked with me in the same way

me and joked with me in the same way they used to before and I suddenly

they used to before and I suddenly

they used to before and I suddenly realized that I was coping and I was

realized that I was coping and I was

realized that I was coping and I was thriving and I was waking up each day

thriving and I was waking up each day

thriving and I was waking up each day and not just getting up that I was going

and not just getting up that I was going

and not just getting up that I was going to work and actually being myself and I

to work and actually being myself and I

to work and actually being myself and I was seeing a colour in myself that I

was seeing a colour in myself that I

was seeing a colour in myself that I really liked there was something

really liked there was something

really liked there was something different about me and I think now

different about me and I think now

different about me and I think now looking back that thing was confidence

looking back that thing was confidence

looking back that thing was confidence because to me confidence is getting up

because to me confidence is getting up

because to me confidence is getting up in the morning being able to get up get

in the morning being able to get up get

in the morning being able to get up get dressed go to work live a fairly normal

dressed go to work live a fairly normal

dressed go to work live a fairly normal life and really hit the world head on

life and really hit the world head on

life and really hit the world head on but it’s also on a more granular level

but it’s also on a more granular level

but it’s also on a more granular level putting yourself in really stupid

putting yourself in really stupid

putting yourself in really stupid situations and I’ve got tons of examples

situations and I’ve got tons of examples

situations and I’ve got tons of examples of things I’ve done that are ridiculous

of things I’ve done that are ridiculous

of things I’ve done that are ridiculous I think it’s having unbelievable faith

I think it’s having unbelievable faith

I think it’s having unbelievable faith in yourself and knowing that it doesn’t

in yourself and knowing that it doesn’t

in yourself and knowing that it doesn’t matter if you fail and if you think

matter if you fail and if you think

matter if you fail and if you think you’re going to fail and you don’t worry

you’re going to fail and you don’t worry

you’re going to fail and you don’t worry about failing you’re more likely to

about failing you’re more likely to

about failing you’re more likely to succeed

succeed

succeed to be honest the amount of things that

to be honest the amount of things that

to be honest the amount of things that have gone right for me because I’ve not

have gone right for me because I’ve not

have gone right for me because I’ve not worried too much I’m going to give you a

worried too much I’m going to give you a

worried too much I’m going to give you a couple of examples of stupid things I’ve

couple of examples of stupid things I’ve

couple of examples of stupid things I’ve done in the last couple of years and my

done in the last couple of years and my

done in the last couple of years and my boyfriend will be sat somewhere in this

boyfriend will be sat somewhere in this

boyfriend will be sat somewhere in this audience thinking oh just a few because

audience thinking oh just a few because

audience thinking oh just a few because there’s tons if you find it later where

there’s tons if you find it later where

there’s tons if you find it later where we tell you some more the first one

we tell you some more the first one

we tell you some more the first one being I decided to write a book about

being I decided to write a book about

being I decided to write a book about Parkinson’s because I decided there

Parkinson’s because I decided there

Parkinson’s because I decided there wasn’t enough books about the subject

wasn’t enough books about the subject

wasn’t enough books about the subject written from a younger person’s

written from a younger person’s

written from a younger person’s perspective and I’ve not really done any

perspective and I’ve not really done any

perspective and I’ve not really done any writing before and I knew the exact date

writing before and I knew the exact date

writing before and I knew the exact date that I wanted my book launch to be I

that I wanted my book launch to be I

that I wanted my book launch to be I wanted a big party you know you can tell

wanted a big party you know you can tell

wanted a big party you know you can tell I like a party because I like a secret

I like a party because I like a secret

I like a party because I like a secret and I booked my venue sent out the

and I booked my venue sent out the

and I booked my venue sent out the Facebook invite wrote a press release

Facebook invite wrote a press release

Facebook invite wrote a press release before I’d even written one word of the

before I’d even written one word of the

before I’d even written one word of the goddamn

confidence or foolishness is a really

confidence or foolishness is a really fine line and my mum was having kittens

fine line and my mum was having kittens

fine line and my mum was having kittens bless her because she’s sensible about

bless her because she’s sensible about

bless her because she’s sensible about things like this but it had it worked I

things like this but it had it worked I

things like this but it had it worked I mean my books arrived today before my

mean my books arrived today before my

mean my books arrived today before my book launch it was that close but it

book launch it was that close but it

book launch it was that close but it worked and the problem is when things

worked and the problem is when things

worked and the problem is when things work like that you think it might work

work like that you think it might work

work like that you think it might work again so on a whim I thought I’d like to

again so on a whim I thought I’d like to

again so on a whim I thought I’d like to share my story in video form I think I

share my story in video form I think I

share my story in video form I think I can probably tell my story better that

can probably tell my story better that

can probably tell my story better that way so I embarked on a 365 day video

way so I embarked on a 365 day video

way so I embarked on a 365 day video blog project where I blowed a video

blog project where I blowed a video

blog project where I blowed a video every day to YouTube having never used

every day to YouTube having never used

every day to YouTube having never used YouTube before having never really made

YouTube before having never really made

YouTube before having never really made a video and actually having the

a video and actually having the

a video and actually having the attention span of an act and a friend of

attention span of an act and a friend of

attention span of an act and a friend of mine said to me he was a videographer he

mine said to me he was a videographer he

mine said to me he was a videographer he said I managed 30 days you won’t get

said I managed 30 days you won’t get

said I managed 30 days you won’t get further than that I’m on day 55

confidence is also quite close to being

confidence is also quite close to being smug I think sometimes so I’ve cheated

smug I think sometimes so I’ve cheated

smug I think sometimes so I’ve cheated slightly on the last week of the blog

slightly on the last week of the blog

slightly on the last week of the blog projects because I’ve bunched five days

projects because I’ve bunched five days

projects because I’ve bunched five days into one video but I have a really good

into one video but I have a really good

into one video but I have a really good excuse because last year a woman who I

excuse because last year a woman who I

excuse because last year a woman who I don’t know invited me to go on a 300 ton

don’t know invited me to go on a 300 ton

don’t know invited me to go on a 300 ton boat with her for a week via Twitter and

boat with her for a week via Twitter and

boat with her for a week via Twitter and I said yes and I’m still alive so my

I said yes and I’m still alive so my

I said yes and I’m still alive so my parents taught me a lot they probably

parents taught me a lot they probably

parents taught me a lot they probably didn’t teach me stranger danger because

didn’t teach me stranger danger because

didn’t teach me stranger danger because we lived unlike but it was an incredible

we lived unlike but it was an incredible

we lived unlike but it was an incredible experience and one that I’m really proud

experience and one that I’m really proud

experience and one that I’m really proud of and I think the thing that runs

of and I think the thing that runs

of and I think the thing that runs through these three examples where there

through these three examples where there

through these three examples where there are thousands more is blind faith in

are thousands more is blind faith in

are thousands more is blind faith in myself something that my parents have

myself something that my parents have

myself something that my parents have always had in me it just took me that

always had in me it just took me that

always had in me it just took me that bit longer to find it in myself and

bit longer to find it in myself and

bit longer to find it in myself and actually seeing that I was typing seeing

actually seeing that I was typing seeing

actually seeing that I was typing seeing that I was thriving you start saying to

that I was thriving you start saying to

that I was thriving you start saying to yourself what’s the worst that can

yourself what’s the worst that can

yourself what’s the worst that can happen what’s the worst that can happen

happen what’s the worst that can happen

happen what’s the worst that can happen I could get Parkinson’s done that tick

I could get Parkinson’s done that tick

I could get Parkinson’s done that tick what’s next

what’s next

what’s next and it makes you think I can try some

and it makes you think I can try some

and it makes you think I can try some other things and see what happens and so

other things and see what happens and so

other things and see what happens and so my parents gave me this great basis to

my parents gave me this great basis to

my parents gave me this great basis to build on of love and support and

build on of love and support and

build on of love and support and actually it being okay to fail it not

actually it being okay to fail it not

actually it being okay to fail it not mattering at all but it took Parkinson’s

mattering at all but it took Parkinson’s

mattering at all but it took Parkinson’s to draw it out from me and so I guess in

to draw it out from me and so I guess in

to draw it out from me and so I guess in a strange way I’m grateful to

a strange way I’m grateful to

a strange way I’m grateful to Parkinson’s for doing that because I

Parkinson’s for doing that because I

Parkinson’s for doing that because I never would have known the measure of

never would have known the measure of

never would have known the measure of myself and so because I am the complete

myself and so because I am the complete

myself and so because I am the complete mix of my parents my carefree mother and

mix of my parents my carefree mother and

mix of my parents my carefree mother and my stage loving father I’m going to end

my stage loving father I’m going to end

my stage loving father I’m going to end this speech in a way that shows

this speech in a way that shows

this speech in a way that shows confidence to me as a girl with

confidence to me as a girl with

confidence to me as a girl with Parkinson’s I am going to juggle

Parkinson’s I am going to juggle

Parkinson’s I am going to juggle for the first time since childhood in a

for the first time since childhood in a

for the first time since childhood in a state in front of a stage full of people

state in front of a stage full of people

state in front of a stage full of people revenue pavilion and seriously what is

revenue pavilion and seriously what is

revenue pavilion and seriously what is the worst that can happen

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