now on a regular basis I get asked that wonderful question do you actually get
wonderful question do you actually get
wonderful question do you actually get to use your degree and I say absolutely
to use your degree and I say absolutely
to use your degree and I say absolutely just because I’m not sitting in an
just because I’m not sitting in an
just because I’m not sitting in an office doing private practice doesn’t
office doing private practice doesn’t
office doing private practice doesn’t mean I’m not utilizing the information
mean I’m not utilizing the information
mean I’m not utilizing the information that I gain during my graduate and
that I gain during my graduate and
that I gain during my graduate and undergraduate studies not sure if you’re
undergraduate studies not sure if you’re
undergraduate studies not sure if you’re aware of this or not but college is kind
aware of this or not but college is kind
aware of this or not but college is kind of a tumultuous time for a lot of people
of a tumultuous time for a lot of people
of a tumultuous time for a lot of people there’s so much learning that’s
there’s so much learning that’s
there’s so much learning that’s occurring not just in the classroom but
occurring not just in the classroom but
occurring not just in the classroom but about yourself interpersonal
about yourself interpersonal
about yourself interpersonal relationships and about cause-and-effect
relationships and about cause-and-effect
relationships and about cause-and-effect behavior which sometimes involves
behavior which sometimes involves
behavior which sometimes involves consequences so whether I’m sitting with
consequences so whether I’m sitting with
consequences so whether I’m sitting with student leaders and mentoring them or
student leaders and mentoring them or
student leaders and mentoring them or I’m sitting with students in crisis I
I’m sitting with students in crisis I
I’m sitting with students in crisis I sometimes have the opportunity to be a
sometimes have the opportunity to be a
sometimes have the opportunity to be a part of an important conversation about
part of an important conversation about
part of an important conversation about identity with them now we all know that
identity with them now we all know that
identity with them now we all know that identity is complex that you’re not just
identity is complex that you’re not just
identity is complex that you’re not just one thing however our culture
one thing however our culture
one thing however our culture perpetuates certain false dichotomies
perpetuates certain false dichotomies
perpetuates certain false dichotomies about identity that ultimately hinder us
about identity that ultimately hinder us
about identity that ultimately hinder us we have created an either/or where there
we have created an either/or where there
we have created an either/or where there should be a both and for example my
should be a both and for example my
should be a both and for example my husband is a jack-of-all-trades he does
husband is a jack-of-all-trades he does
husband is a jack-of-all-trades he does lots of stereotypical manly things like
lots of stereotypical manly things like
lots of stereotypical manly things like carry heavy stuff or can change the
carry heavy stuff or can change the
carry heavy stuff or can change the battery in our car which is great he
battery in our car which is great he
battery in our car which is great he also does lots of stereotypical nerdy
also does lots of stereotypical nerdy
also does lots of stereotypical nerdy things like read about physics for fun
things like read about physics for fun
things like read about physics for fun or can 3d print in program a robotic
or can 3d print in program a robotic
or can 3d print in program a robotic hands for example he also loves the
hands for example he also loves the
hands for example he also loves the movie Mean Girls and knows more words to
movie Mean Girls and knows more words to
movie Mean Girls and knows more words to the lame is soundtrack than I do now
does anything I mentioned in the second
does anything I mentioned in the second or third category make him any less of a
or third category make him any less of a
or third category make him any less of a man no of course not
man no of course not
man no of course not he doesn’t like culture dictate his
he doesn’t like culture dictate his
he doesn’t like culture dictate his masculinity he can be strong smart and
masculinity he can be strong smart and
masculinity he can be strong smart and artistic both and not either/or or how
artistic both and not either/or or how
artistic both and not either/or or how about this I remember being 15 and being
about this I remember being 15 and being
about this I remember being 15 and being asked by a boy I liked at the time if I
asked by a boy I liked at the time if I
asked by a boy I liked at the time if I made decisions with my head or my heart
made decisions with my head or my heart
made decisions with my head or my heart even back then I thought that was a
even back then I thought that was a
even back then I thought that was a weird question what most people mean by
weird question what most people mean by
weird question what most people mean by that is do
that is do
that is do make rational decisions based solely on
make rational decisions based solely on
make rational decisions based solely on logic or do you make emotional decisions
logic or do you make emotional decisions
logic or do you make emotional decisions based on how you feel even to my teenage
based on how you feel even to my teenage
based on how you feel even to my teenage self it seemed ridiculous that I would
self it seemed ridiculous that I would
self it seemed ridiculous that I would have to pick one or the other I have
have to pick one or the other I have
have to pick one or the other I have both a brain and a heart most people who
both a brain and a heart most people who
both a brain and a heart most people who know me would tell you that I am a
know me would tell you that I am a
know me would tell you that I am a pretty rational person very practical
pretty rational person very practical
pretty rational person very practical down-to-earth a bottom-line kind of girl
down-to-earth a bottom-line kind of girl
down-to-earth a bottom-line kind of girl a logical decision maker those same
a logical decision maker those same
a logical decision maker those same people would also tell you that I am a
people would also tell you that I am a
people would also tell you that I am a person who feels things very deeply on a
person who feels things very deeply on a
person who feels things very deeply on a scale of one to ten if I am feeling more
scale of one to ten if I am feeling more
scale of one to ten if I am feeling more than a seven of any emotion if it’s my
than a seven of any emotion if it’s my
than a seven of any emotion if it’s my body’s natural response to cry about it
body’s natural response to cry about it
body’s natural response to cry about it happy mad sad tire confused overwhelmed
happy mad sad tire confused overwhelmed
happy mad sad tire confused overwhelmed etc etc this used to bother me but I’m
etc etc this used to bother me but I’m
etc etc this used to bother me but I’m learning to embrace it as an important
learning to embrace it as an important
learning to embrace it as an important part of who I am I’m an emotional
part of who I am I’m an emotional
part of who I am I’m an emotional empathetic passionate person both my
empathetic passionate person both my
empathetic passionate person both my logical brain and my deep feeling heart
logical brain and my deep feeling heart
logical brain and my deep feeling heart exist within me and make me who I am
exist within me and make me who I am
exist within me and make me who I am both are very strong and both provide me
both are very strong and both provide me
both are very strong and both provide me with crucial information that help me
with crucial information that help me
with crucial information that help me helps me to be consistent with who I
helps me to be consistent with who I
helps me to be consistent with who I want to be and while certain situations
want to be and while certain situations
want to be and while certain situations may call from where my head or my heart
may call from where my head or my heart
may call from where my head or my heart there is no perfect formula or flowchart
there is no perfect formula or flowchart
there is no perfect formula or flowchart that can help me precisely determine
that can help me precisely determine
that can help me precisely determine when to use each one so I want to
when to use each one so I want to
when to use each one so I want to consult both every time and then choose
consult both every time and then choose
consult both every time and then choose the wise thing to do from there I choose
the wise thing to do from there I choose
the wise thing to do from there I choose both hands not either/or so when I think
both hands not either/or so when I think
both hands not either/or so when I think about myself my students my friends I
about myself my students my friends I
about myself my students my friends I think about what it could be like if we
think about what it could be like if we
think about what it could be like if we didn’t have to worry about either/or
didn’t have to worry about either/or
didn’t have to worry about either/or when it came to our identity there are
when it came to our identity there are
when it came to our identity there are so many of these false dichotomies in
so many of these false dichotomies in
so many of these false dichotomies in our culture where Society implies well
our culture where Society implies well
our culture where Society implies well if you’re not this then you must be that
if you’re not this then you must be that
if you’re not this then you must be that emotional or logical smart or stupid
emotional or logical smart or stupid
emotional or logical smart or stupid brave or afraid strong or weak a lover
brave or afraid strong or weak a lover
brave or afraid strong or weak a lover or a fighter and yet we’re both the
or a fighter and yet we’re both the
or a fighter and yet we’re both the grand majority of us have the capacity
grand majority of us have the capacity
grand majority of us have the capacity to do all of those things and more and
to do all of those things and more and
to do all of those things and more and yet we so often forget that where we
yet we so often forget that where we
yet we so often forget that where we don’t want to be reminded
don’t want to be reminded
don’t want to be reminded and so when we label ourselves or other
and so when we label ourselves or other
and so when we label ourselves or other people as one or the other there is
people as one or the other there is
people as one or the other there is often this stigma and shame that comes
often this stigma and shame that comes
often this stigma and shame that comes with that unfortunately when we do that
with that unfortunately when we do that
with that unfortunately when we do that we are missing out on a beautiful depth
we are missing out on a beautiful depth
we are missing out on a beautiful depth and complexity that is our humanity one
and complexity that is our humanity one
and complexity that is our humanity one of my favorite things about my job is
of my favorite things about my job is
of my favorite things about my job is when I get to help students wrestle with
when I get to help students wrestle with
when I get to help students wrestle with their story and their identity where
their story and their identity where
their story and their identity where does change them for the better and
does change them for the better and
does change them for the better and where it has hurt them I get to help
where it has hurt them I get to help
where it has hurt them I get to help them embrace their potential and realize
them embrace their potential and realize
them embrace their potential and realize their limitations
their limitations
their limitations this is crucial because then they can
this is crucial because then they can
this is crucial because then they can begin to explore where they make the
begin to explore where they make the
begin to explore where they make the world a better place and where they need
world a better place and where they need
world a better place and where they need to ask for help the reason that I care
to ask for help the reason that I care
to ask for help the reason that I care about this so much is that when I was in
about this so much is that when I was in
about this so much is that when I was in college someone did this for me
college someone did this for me
college someone did this for me he was my resident director he created a
he was my resident director he created a
he was my resident director he created a crucial both/and experience for me you
crucial both/and experience for me you
crucial both/and experience for me you see when I was in college I was going
see when I was in college I was going
see when I was in college I was going through a really messy season in my
through a really messy season in my
through a really messy season in my personal life with a lot of hard things
personal life with a lot of hard things
personal life with a lot of hard things going on and he created a safe space for
going on and he created a safe space for
going on and he created a safe space for me to be a mess to say when I needed to
me to be a mess to say when I needed to
me to be a mess to say when I needed to say and feel what I needed to feel and
say and feel what I needed to feel and
say and feel what I needed to feel and yet he saw my potential and the leader
yet he saw my potential and the leader
yet he saw my potential and the leader that I could be and so even though he
that I could be and so even though he
that I could be and so even though he saw my brokenness and sat with me in it
saw my brokenness and sat with me in it
saw my brokenness and sat with me in it he entrusted me with responsibilities he
he entrusted me with responsibilities he
he entrusted me with responsibilities he affirmed my strength and he gave me the
affirmed my strength and he gave me the
affirmed my strength and he gave me the chance to grow not only did he allow me
chance to grow not only did he allow me
chance to grow not only did he allow me to be a student leader but he even
to be a student leader but he even
to be a student leader but he even suggested that I could do residents life
suggested that I could do residents life
suggested that I could do residents life as a career his ability to let me be
as a career his ability to let me be
as a career his ability to let me be both and both a mess and a leader
both and both a mess and a leader
both and both a mess and a leader changed the entire trajectory of my post
changed the entire trajectory of my post
changed the entire trajectory of my post college life I’ve now spent the majority
college life I’ve now spent the majority
college life I’ve now spent the majority of my 20s trying to be a leader like
of my 20s trying to be a leader like
of my 20s trying to be a leader like that one that honors the legacy he
that one that honors the legacy he
that one that honors the legacy he taught me so how do I intentionally do
taught me so how do I intentionally do
taught me so how do I intentionally do that well there’s no perfect way but
that well there’s no perfect way but
that well there’s no perfect way but there’s a lot of goodness in the world
there’s a lot of goodness in the world
there’s a lot of goodness in the world that helps me move towards that singer
that helps me move towards that singer
that helps me move towards that singer and songwriter india.arie sings a song
and songwriter india.arie sings a song
and songwriter india.arie sings a song called better people and in it she says
called better people and in it she says
called better people and in it she says listen to Mahatma Gandhi’s words be the
listen to Mahatma Gandhi’s words be the
listen to Mahatma Gandhi’s words be the change you want to see in the world
change you want to see in the world
change you want to see in the world start with yourself and healing will
start with yourself and healing will
start with yourself and healing will multiply so as I pursue holistic growth
multiply so as I pursue holistic growth
multiply so as I pursue holistic growth and healing in my own life I’m able to
and healing in my own life I’m able to
and healing in my own life I’m able to pass that goodness on to others so if I
pass that goodness on to others so if I
pass that goodness on to others so if I want my students to experience the
want my students to experience the
want my students to experience the freedom of that both and reality then I
freedom of that both and reality then I
freedom of that both and reality then I need to be looking for ways to live that
need to be looking for ways to live that
need to be looking for ways to live that out so I’m constantly reading or
out so I’m constantly reading or
out so I’m constantly reading or watching TED talks I try to spend time
watching TED talks I try to spend time
watching TED talks I try to spend time with people I think are wise and can
with people I think are wise and can
with people I think are wise and can teach me something or with people that
teach me something or with people that
teach me something or with people that are different from me and can give me a
are different from me and can give me a
are different from me and can give me a new perspective I want to pursue and be
new perspective I want to pursue and be
new perspective I want to pursue and be filled up with things that are good and
filled up with things that are good and
filled up with things that are good and true and reminds me that I am a both/and
true and reminds me that I am a both/and
true and reminds me that I am a both/and person and I want to avoid things that
person and I want to avoid things that
person and I want to avoid things that bring me shame and reinforce those
bring me shame and reinforce those
bring me shame and reinforce those either/or lies now as I was talking to
either/or lies now as I was talking to
either/or lies now as I was talking to my family about presenting here today I
my family about presenting here today I
my family about presenting here today I was introduced to an interesting bit of
was introduced to an interesting bit of
was introduced to an interesting bit of information there is a term called
information there is a term called
information there is a term called antinomy that exists within logic and
antinomy that exists within logic and
antinomy that exists within logic and epistemology particularly in the
epistemology particularly in the
epistemology particularly in the philosophy of Immanuel Kant’s antinomy
philosophy of Immanuel Kant’s antinomy
philosophy of Immanuel Kant’s antinomy refers to a real or apparent mutual
refers to a real or apparent mutual
refers to a real or apparent mutual incompatibility of two laws two laws two
incompatibility of two laws two laws two
incompatibility of two laws two laws two truths two concepts that are paired
truths two concepts that are paired
truths two concepts that are paired together that seem contradictory to one
together that seem contradictory to one
together that seem contradictory to one another and yet both are true of reality
another and yet both are true of reality
another and yet both are true of reality and how humans experience the world I
and how humans experience the world I
and how humans experience the world I would say that both truths bring a
would say that both truths bring a
would say that both truths bring a deeper and more complete understanding
deeper and more complete understanding
deeper and more complete understanding and that back and understanding is
and that back and understanding is
and that back and understanding is stronger when those things are paired
stronger when those things are paired
stronger when those things are paired together than when they’re separated I
together than when they’re separated I
together than when they’re separated I would venture to say that could be true
would venture to say that could be true
would venture to say that could be true about more than just philosophy but
about more than just philosophy but
about more than just philosophy but we’ll come back to that in a little bit
we’ll come back to that in a little bit
we’ll come back to that in a little bit one of my favorite authors of all time
one of my favorite authors of all time
one of my favorite authors of all time dr. Brene brown addresses a similar
dr. Brene brown addresses a similar
dr. Brene brown addresses a similar thought in her newest book rising strong
thought in her newest book rising strong
thought in her newest book rising strong by saying I am slowly learning to
by saying I am slowly learning to
by saying I am slowly learning to straddle the tension that comes with
straddle the tension that comes with
straddle the tension that comes with understanding that I am tough and tender
understanding that I am tough and tender
understanding that I am tough and tender brave and afraid strong and struggling
brave and afraid strong and struggling
brave and afraid strong and struggling all of these things all of the time I’m
all of these things all of the time I’m
all of these things all of the time I’m working on letting go of having to be
working on letting go of having to be
working on letting go of having to be one or the other the roles in my life
one or the other the roles in my life
one or the other the roles in my life I’ll require me to bring my whole self
I’ll require me to bring my whole self
I’ll require me to bring my whole self to the table I love that it is
to the table I love that it is
to the table I love that it is highlighted and quadruple starred in my
highlighted and quadruple starred in my
highlighted and quadruple starred in my book because she is naming a truth that
book because she is naming a truth that
book because she is naming a truth that I have known about myself on some level
I have known about myself on some level
I have known about myself on some level for a very long time but I didn’t think
for a very long time but I didn’t think
for a very long time but I didn’t think people around me would get it and then I
people around me would get it and then I
people around me would get it and then I realized I’m not alone so whether I’m
realized I’m not alone so whether I’m
realized I’m not alone so whether I’m reading it in a book or hearing it in
reading it in a book or hearing it in
reading it in a book or hearing it in conversation truth like that feeds my
conversation truth like that feeds my
conversation truth like that feeds my soul because it reminds me that I get to
soul because it reminds me that I get to
soul because it reminds me that I get to be both and that one option does not
be both and that one option does not
be both and that one option does not mean success and the other means failure
mean success and the other means failure
mean success and the other means failure both are innately true to being human
both are innately true to being human
both are innately true to being human and I’m so thankful for that so I think
and I’m so thankful for that so I think
and I’m so thankful for that so I think back to my senior year of college when I
back to my senior year of college when I
back to my senior year of college when I had the opportunity to stand in front of
had the opportunity to stand in front of
had the opportunity to stand in front of my student body and share about my
my student body and share about my
my student body and share about my journey through college and how I’d
journey through college and how I’d
journey through college and how I’d grown even though it’d been a rough
grown even though it’d been a rough
grown even though it’d been a rough couple of years and when I intentionally
couple of years and when I intentionally
couple of years and when I intentionally chose to be authentic and transparent so
chose to be authentic and transparent so
chose to be authentic and transparent so that the audience could see emotion on
that the audience could see emotion on
that the audience could see emotion on my face and hear it in my voice
my face and hear it in my voice
my face and hear it in my voice and then I find out after I get done
and then I find out after I get done
and then I find out after I get done talking that apparently a guy I knew
talking that apparently a guy I knew
talking that apparently a guy I knew back then told a friend of mine I can’t
back then told a friend of mine I can’t
back then told a friend of mine I can’t believe she got so emotional this is why
believe she got so emotional this is why
believe she got so emotional this is why we shouldn’t let women speak in these
we shouldn’t let women speak in these
we shouldn’t let women speak in these types of situations I get to say today
types of situations I get to say today
types of situations I get to say today watch me watch me watch me be emotional
watch me watch me watch me be emotional
watch me watch me watch me be emotional and logical watch me be a crier and a
and logical watch me be a crier and a
and logical watch me be a crier and a great public speaker watch me be smart
great public speaker watch me be smart
great public speaker watch me be smart and strong watch me be the fullness of
and strong watch me be the fullness of
and strong watch me be the fullness of who I was meant to be
who I was meant to be
who I was meant to be watch me the last example I want to
watch me the last example I want to
watch me the last example I want to share with you about how I’m
share with you about how I’m
share with you about how I’m implementing both and into my life is
implementing both and into my life is
implementing both and into my life is this 33 days ago I got a tattoo and
this 33 days ago I got a tattoo and
this 33 days ago I got a tattoo and while that may seem like a random
while that may seem like a random
while that may seem like a random example I promise you up and think about
example I promise you up and think about
example I promise you up and think about it for over a year it’s three sets of
it for over a year it’s three sets of
it for over a year it’s three sets of two words wounded healer
two words wounded healer
two words wounded healer hope carrier love warrior now these word
hope carrier love warrior now these word
hope carrier love warrior now these word pairings may not seem like they
pairings may not seem like they
pairings may not seem like they automatically go together or that they
automatically go together or that they
automatically go together or that they even contradict one another an example
even contradict one another an example
even contradict one another an example of antinomy but they were chosen on
of antinomy but they were chosen on
of antinomy but they were chosen on purpose because they are a part of how I
purpose because they are a part of how I
purpose because they are a part of how I see myself how I want to interact with
see myself how I want to interact with
see myself how I want to interact with other people how I want to impact the
other people how I want to impact the
other people how I want to impact the world how I want to be a part of
world how I want to be a part of
world how I want to be a part of something great the first phrase wounded
something great the first phrase wounded
something great the first phrase wounded healer comes from a book by Henri Nouwen
healer comes from a book by Henri Nouwen
healer comes from a book by Henri Nouwen called the wounded healer all of us in
called the wounded healer all of us in
called the wounded healer all of us in our lives have been wounded it is
our lives have been wounded it is
our lives have been wounded it is impossible to go through life without it
impossible to go through life without it
impossible to go through life without it happening and sometimes that wounding is
happening and sometimes that wounding is
happening and sometimes that wounding is so deep it feels like it defines us and
so deep it feels like it defines us and
so deep it feels like it defines us and yet healing is possible the things that
yet healing is possible the things that
yet healing is possible the things that have been the most excruciating ly
have been the most excruciating ly
have been the most excruciating ly painful in my life have been and are
painful in my life have been and are
painful in my life have been and are being redeemed into something good and
being redeemed into something good and
being redeemed into something good and as I worked through and own my own story
as I worked through and own my own story
as I worked through and own my own story I am able to love other people better
I am able to love other people better
I am able to love other people better because I can help them know that they
because I can help them know that they
because I can help them know that they aren’t alone
aren’t alone
aren’t alone that is one of the greatest things I’ve
that is one of the greatest things I’ve
that is one of the greatest things I’ve ever done and I’m committed to doing for
ever done and I’m committed to doing for
ever done and I’m committed to doing for the rest of my days the next phrase hope
the rest of my days the next phrase hope
the rest of my days the next phrase hope carrier is the phrase I got from a
carrier is the phrase I got from a
carrier is the phrase I got from a student that I mentored and now call
student that I mentored and now call
student that I mentored and now call friend now I am NOT a naturally
friend now I am NOT a naturally
friend now I am NOT a naturally optimistic person some people assume
optimistic person some people assume
optimistic person some people assume that means I’m a pessimist and while I
that means I’m a pessimist and while I
that means I’m a pessimist and while I may have more naturally-occurring
may have more naturally-occurring
may have more naturally-occurring pessimistic tendencies once again I
pessimistic tendencies once again I
pessimistic tendencies once again I don’t have to be one or the other I
don’t have to be one or the other I
don’t have to be one or the other I choose another option outside that false
choose another option outside that false
choose another option outside that false dichotomy I am a realist who has
dichotomy I am a realist who has
dichotomy I am a realist who has perpetual Hope woven into her heart some
perpetual Hope woven into her heart some
perpetual Hope woven into her heart some people when they hear the word hope
people when they hear the word hope
people when they hear the word hope think of it as this precious fluffy
think of it as this precious fluffy
think of it as this precious fluffy cotton candy word that’s full of
cotton candy word that’s full of
cotton candy word that’s full of sunshine and smiles and while hope has
sunshine and smiles and while hope has
sunshine and smiles and while hope has positive qualities associated with it
positive qualities associated with it
positive qualities associated with it hope for me has grit its tenacious to do
hope for me has grit its tenacious to do
hope for me has grit its tenacious to do the hard heavy work of holding on to
the hard heavy work of holding on to
the hard heavy work of holding on to hope in the midst of
hope in the midst of
hope in the midst of this messy painful world is significant
this messy painful world is significant
this messy painful world is significant for me hope has goodness and difficulty
for me hope has goodness and difficulty
for me hope has goodness and difficulty wrapped up together to be a hope carrier
wrapped up together to be a hope carrier
wrapped up together to be a hope carrier is to see our complicated world as it
is to see our complicated world as it
is to see our complicated world as it really is but to be willing to fight for
really is but to be willing to fight for
really is but to be willing to fight for hope and love when people are in crisis
hope and love when people are in crisis
hope and love when people are in crisis and they cannot believe those things for
and they cannot believe those things for
and they cannot believe those things for themselves you stand in the gap and you
themselves you stand in the gap and you
themselves you stand in the gap and you fight with them until they’re strong
fight with them until they’re strong
fight with them until they’re strong enough to stand on their own at the
enough to stand on their own at the
enough to stand on their own at the Resident Director I’ve had the privilege
Resident Director I’ve had the privilege
Resident Director I’ve had the privilege of doing that for so many incredible
of doing that for so many incredible
of doing that for so many incredible students just like my loved ones have
students just like my loved ones have
students just like my loved ones have done for me even if they wouldn’t have
done for me even if they wouldn’t have
done for me even if they wouldn’t have called it that at the time the last
called it that at the time the last
called it that at the time the last phrase love warrior comes from another
phrase love warrior comes from another
phrase love warrior comes from another favorite author of mine Glennon Doyle
favorite author of mine Glennon Doyle
favorite author of mine Glennon Doyle Melton love warrior is the name of her
Melton love warrior is the name of her
Melton love warrior is the name of her newest book when I saw those two words
newest book when I saw those two words
newest book when I saw those two words love warrior put right next to each
love warrior put right next to each
love warrior put right next to each other I knew that have been true about
other I knew that have been true about
other I knew that have been true about me my whole life that I was a lover and
me my whole life that I was a lover and
me my whole life that I was a lover and a fighter a deep feeling and pathetic
a fighter a deep feeling and pathetic
a fighter a deep feeling and pathetic compassionate warrior who is strong and
compassionate warrior who is strong and
compassionate warrior who is strong and loyal a fierce protector and an advocate
loyal a fierce protector and an advocate
loyal a fierce protector and an advocate against injustice so that’s how both and
against injustice so that’s how both and
against injustice so that’s how both and is showing up in my life maybe you’re
is showing up in my life maybe you’re
is showing up in my life maybe you’re wondering how both hands applies to you
wondering how both hands applies to you
wondering how both hands applies to you well the good news is we already are
well the good news is we already are
well the good news is we already are both sand and maybe just don’t know how
both sand and maybe just don’t know how
both sand and maybe just don’t know how yet so let me ask a couple questions
yet so let me ask a couple questions
yet so let me ask a couple questions what antinomies are true of you what
what antinomies are true of you what
what antinomies are true of you what both and phrases are being woven into
both and phrases are being woven into
both and phrases are being woven into your being where can you disprove these
your being where can you disprove these
your being where can you disprove these false either/or constructs in order to
false either/or constructs in order to
false either/or constructs in order to liberate the fullness of who you are
liberate the fullness of who you are
liberate the fullness of who you are look at the expectations you have for
look at the expectations you have for
look at the expectations you have for yourself
yourself
yourself they even realistic are you letting
they even realistic are you letting
they even realistic are you letting other people make decisions about your
other people make decisions about your
other people make decisions about your identity is shame motivating your
identity is shame motivating your
identity is shame motivating your choices you feel like you’re hiding when
choices you feel like you’re hiding when
choices you feel like you’re hiding when do you get the most upset with yourself
do you get the most upset with yourself
do you get the most upset with yourself ask yourself why that is
ask yourself why that is
ask yourself why that is give yourself the gift of time and
give yourself the gift of time and
give yourself the gift of time and effort through self-reflection and
effort through self-reflection and
effort through self-reflection and counsel in order to permit the
counsel in order to permit the
counsel in order to permit the unleashing of your full and complete
unleashing of your full and complete
unleashing of your full and complete identity so what have I learned by
identity so what have I learned by
identity so what have I learned by asking these questions Who am I I am a
asking these questions Who am I I am a
asking these questions Who am I I am a lover and a fighter I am smart but I
lover and a fighter I am smart but I
lover and a fighter I am smart but I still need to keep learning I’m
still need to keep learning I’m
still need to keep learning I’m competent and hard-working but I still
competent and hard-working but I still
competent and hard-working but I still need to ask for help sometimes
need to ask for help sometimes
need to ask for help sometimes I’m tender and tough I use my head and
I’m tender and tough I use my head and
I’m tender and tough I use my head and my heart I’m a little bit Democrat a
my heart I’m a little bit Democrat a
my heart I’m a little bit Democrat a little bit Republican and a little bit
little bit Republican and a little bit
little bit Republican and a little bit something else too I’m a Christian and a
something else too I’m a Christian and a
something else too I’m a Christian and a feminist I’m a Christian who loves the
feminist I’m a Christian who loves the
feminist I’m a Christian who loves the LGBTQ people in my life I am fighting
LGBTQ people in my life I am fighting
LGBTQ people in my life I am fighting for healing and reconciliation and
for healing and reconciliation and
for healing and reconciliation and bridge building between those two
bridge building between those two
bridge building between those two communities I’m afraid but I can lean
communities I’m afraid but I can lean
communities I’m afraid but I can lean into pain and tension and do hard
into pain and tension and do hard
into pain and tension and do hard important things anyways I’m wounded but
important things anyways I’m wounded but
important things anyways I’m wounded but I’m healing and I get to help others do
I’m healing and I get to help others do
I’m healing and I get to help others do the same I’m both and not either/or and
the same I’m both and not either/or and
the same I’m both and not either/or and all of those things are just a piece of
all of those things are just a piece of
all of those things are just a piece of the beautiful complexity that is Nicole
the beautiful complexity that is Nicole
the beautiful complexity that is Nicole Christine Clifton and I can be those
Christine Clifton and I can be those
Christine Clifton and I can be those things no matter what my job title is or
things no matter what my job title is or
things no matter what my job title is or what the future holds for me wounded
what the future holds for me wounded
what the future holds for me wounded healer hope carrier love warrior that is
healer hope carrier love warrior that is
healer hope carrier love warrior that is Who I am and how I am a part of
Who I am and how I am a part of
Who I am and how I am a part of something great something that matters
something great something that matters
something great something that matters in this world
”
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