so I love men anyway I am going to talk today about a male liberation because I
today about a male liberation because I
today about a male liberation because I do care about men and I want them to
do care about men and I want them to
do care about men and I want them to find fulfillment in their lives and not
find fulfillment in their lives and not
find fulfillment in their lives and not be defined by the external world only I
be defined by the external world only I
be defined by the external world only I also want to talk about human liberation
also want to talk about human liberation
also want to talk about human liberation and get past talking about traditional
and get past talking about traditional
and get past talking about traditional identities so if you had a choice would
identities so if you had a choice would
identities so if you had a choice would you choose to be a man or a woman I
you choose to be a man or a woman I
you choose to be a man or a woman I believe that women are not going to make
believe that women are not going to make
believe that women are not going to make much more progress on women finding
much more progress on women finding
much more progress on women finding their fulfillment until men begin to
their fulfillment until men begin to
their fulfillment until men begin to take on the challenge of their role
take on the challenge of their role
take on the challenge of their role identities as well men have to change
identities as well men have to change
identities as well men have to change for their own reasons however we can’t
for their own reasons however we can’t
for their own reasons however we can’t expect them to change so we can go
expect them to change so we can go
expect them to change so we can go farther they need to change for their
farther they need to change for their
farther they need to change for their own reasons their own health and their
own reasons their own health and their
own reasons their own health and their own fulfillment so it’s probably a
own fulfillment so it’s probably a
own fulfillment so it’s probably a little funny that I’m talking about
little funny that I’m talking about
little funny that I’m talking about their liberation but somebody’s got a
their liberation but somebody’s got a
their liberation but somebody’s got a new there’s a major study that was just
new there’s a major study that was just
new there’s a major study that was just released that was completed in the
released that was completed in the
released that was completed in the United Kingdom the United States and
United Kingdom the United States and
United Kingdom the United States and Mexico so it’s quite a sizable study and
Mexico so it’s quite a sizable study and
Mexico so it’s quite a sizable study and what they are they called their study
what they are they called their study
what they are they called their study the man box and what’s in that box is
the man box and what’s in that box is
the man box and what’s in that box is men must be they must act strong high
men must be they must act strong high
men must be they must act strong high weakness and look good and what we’re
weakness and look good and what we’re
weakness and look good and what we’re finding with young men they’re they’re
finding with young men they’re they’re
finding with young men they’re they’re finding that very difficult
finding that very difficult
finding that very difficult to do and so they end up with emotional
to do and so they end up with emotional
to do and so they end up with emotional and physical problems and the study
and physical problems and the study
and physical problems and the study bears that out so if you can reach your
bears that out so if you can reach your
bears that out so if you can reach your full potential and this goes for women
full potential and this goes for women
full potential and this goes for women and then you tend to find that and more
and then you tend to find that and more
and then you tend to find that and more depressed angry empty inside and
depressed angry empty inside and
depressed angry empty inside and embroidering how let me say a little bit
embroidering how let me say a little bit
embroidering how let me say a little bit about myself I grew up on a farm about
about myself I grew up on a farm about
about myself I grew up on a farm about 20 miles from here and I’m the oldest
20 miles from here and I’m the oldest
20 miles from here and I’m the oldest only girl had five brothers and a father
only girl had five brothers and a father
only girl had five brothers and a father and all sorts of hired men that I grew
and all sorts of hired men that I grew
and all sorts of hired men that I grew up with so I learned it was a man’s
up with so I learned it was a man’s
up with so I learned it was a man’s world and I learn to be tough
world and I learn to be tough
world and I learn to be tough competitive assertive and most of all I
competitive assertive and most of all I
competitive assertive and most of all I learned the stuff my feelings didn’t
learned the stuff my feelings didn’t
learned the stuff my feelings didn’t really know about theatres until I went
really know about theatres until I went
really know about theatres until I went away to college I didn’t know what a
away to college I didn’t know what a
away to college I didn’t know what a feeling was and then I went out on a
feeling was and then I went out on a
feeling was and then I went out on a date with my my first husband here um
date with my my first husband here um
date with my my first husband here um and he in the end we went to a movie in
and he in the end we went to a movie in
and he in the end we went to a movie in the middle of the movie he started
the middle of the movie he started
the middle of the movie he started crying and I’m going what the heck is
crying and I’m going what the heck is
crying and I’m going what the heck is wrong with him I didn’t grow up with men
wrong with him I didn’t grow up with men
wrong with him I didn’t grow up with men who cried but I fell in love with him
who cried but I fell in love with him
who cried but I fell in love with him anyway I think I think I found my
anyway I think I think I found my
anyway I think I think I found my missing piece that my dad taught me to
missing piece that my dad taught me to
missing piece that my dad taught me to wrestle because he wanted me to be as
wrestle because he wanted me to be as
wrestle because he wanted me to be as strong as my brothers as tough as my
strong as my brothers as tough as my
strong as my brothers as tough as my brothers he insisted that I go to
brothers he insisted that I go to
brothers he insisted that I go to college so I have learned a trade
college so I have learned a trade
college so I have learned a trade profession so that I could take care of
profession so that I could take care of
profession so that I could take care of myself and I didn’t have to marry
myself and I didn’t have to marry
myself and I didn’t have to marry someone just to find someone
someone just to find someone
someone just to find someone take care of me I loved talking with men
take care of me I loved talking with men
take care of me I loved talking with men in conversations with politics economics
in conversations with politics economics
in conversations with politics economics world issues it was terrific I avoided
world issues it was terrific I avoided
world issues it was terrific I avoided talks with women who talked about babies
talks with women who talked about babies
talks with women who talked about babies who talked about family talk about
who talked about family talk about
who talked about family talk about neighborhood and so I was a much more
neighborhood and so I was a much more
neighborhood and so I was a much more like a man and my way of approaching
like a man and my way of approaching
like a man and my way of approaching things outside was men’s work and we
things outside was men’s work and we
things outside was men’s work and we could we could as women participate in
could we could as women participate in
could we could as women participate in that too when I was growing up on a farm
that too when I was growing up on a farm
that too when I was growing up on a farm a long time ago men and women work the
a long time ago men and women work the
a long time ago men and women work the farm together it was a real partnership
farm together it was a real partnership
farm together it was a real partnership so it was okay for us as females to work
so it was okay for us as females to work
so it was okay for us as females to work outside inside however was for women
outside inside however was for women
outside inside however was for women only and men would be called sissies if
only and men would be called sissies if
only and men would be called sissies if they worked inside when my dad would he
they worked inside when my dad would he
they worked inside when my dad would he would help out a little bit in the
would help out a little bit in the
would help out a little bit in the kitchen when we were having company the
kitchen when we were having company the
kitchen when we were having company the minute he saw a guest arriving he
minute he saw a guest arriving he
minute he saw a guest arriving he abandoned that apron and ran for his
abandoned that apron and ran for his
abandoned that apron and ran for his easy-chair that was what worked what
easy-chair that was what worked what
easy-chair that was what worked what life was like on the farm I want to read
life was like on the farm I want to read
life was like on the farm I want to read a list of really daunting identities
a list of really daunting identities
a list of really daunting identities that men are required to fit into they
that men are required to fit into they
that men are required to fit into they must be independent dominant adventurous
must be independent dominant adventurous
must be independent dominant adventurous forceful stoic competitive aggressive
forceful stoic competitive aggressive
forceful stoic competitive aggressive combative career oriented that’s a very
combative career oriented that’s a very
combative career oriented that’s a very challenging list for anyone to have to
challenging list for anyone to have to
challenging list for anyone to have to make
make
make to society dictates most of these
to society dictates most of these
to society dictates most of these identities women stay at home raise
identities women stay at home raise
identities women stay at home raise children to be a homemaker men were
children to be a homemaker men were
children to be a homemaker men were taught for probably centuries to be
taught for probably centuries to be
taught for probably centuries to be warriors and all those things I just
warriors and all those things I just
warriors and all those things I just listed as May of identities are very
listed as May of identities are very
listed as May of identities are very useful as a warrior what’s not useful is
useful as a warrior what’s not useful is
useful as a warrior what’s not useful is having some of the intern capacities
having some of the intern capacities
having some of the intern capacities like compassion like nurturing they
like compassion like nurturing they
like compassion like nurturing they don’t work well on the battlefield so
don’t work well on the battlefield so
don’t work well on the battlefield so men have both buried deep inside quite
men have both buried deep inside quite
men have both buried deep inside quite often totally unidentified and that’s
often totally unidentified and that’s
often totally unidentified and that’s the challenge I think we face with males
the challenge I think we face with males
the challenge I think we face with males the thing is that women and men have
the thing is that women and men have
the thing is that women and men have been complicit in reinforcing those
been complicit in reinforcing those
been complicit in reinforcing those roles for each other over generations
roles for each other over generations
roles for each other over generations nobody’s questioned that it’s the way
nobody’s questioned that it’s the way
nobody’s questioned that it’s the way it’s always been done and so that’s the
it’s always been done and so that’s the
it’s always been done and so that’s the way we do it
way we do it
way we do it you get boy boys get to play with trucks
you get boy boys get to play with trucks
you get boy boys get to play with trucks girls get to play with dolls and what’s
girls get to play with dolls and what’s
girls get to play with dolls and what’s unusual about them we take that off the
unusual about them we take that off the
unusual about them we take that off the ground if a boy plays with a doll
ground if a boy plays with a doll
ground if a boy plays with a doll they’re quite often called a sissy if a
they’re quite often called a sissy if a
they’re quite often called a sissy if a man is emotional or carry the weak he’s
man is emotional or carry the weak he’s
man is emotional or carry the weak he’s tall the sissy that thing that happens
tall the sissy that thing that happens
tall the sissy that thing that happens with that is it stunts an individual’s
with that is it stunts an individual’s
with that is it stunts an individual’s growth when we can’t move past those
growth when we can’t move past those
growth when we can’t move past those culturally defined identities
culturally defined identities
culturally defined identities cities I handed up in the domestic
cities I handed up in the domestic
cities I handed up in the domestic violence program in Tulsa and for women
violence program in Tulsa and for women
violence program in Tulsa and for women we had a safe house for women and
we had a safe house for women and
we had a safe house for women and children and we taught them best how
children and we taught them best how
children and we taught them best how best to prevent violence how to stay out
best to prevent violence how to stay out
best to prevent violence how to stay out of those situations and we also started
of those situations and we also started
of those situations and we also started a men’s program because as I said and
a men’s program because as I said and
a men’s program because as I said and then are so out of touch with their
then are so out of touch with their
then are so out of touch with their feelings and their fears that they don’t
feelings and their fears that they don’t
feelings and their fears that they don’t leave anywhere to express that except it
leave anywhere to express that except it
leave anywhere to express that except it gets funneled into anger as the one
gets funneled into anger as the one
gets funneled into anger as the one acceptable emotion that and then approve
acceptable emotion that and then approve
acceptable emotion that and then approve of they can’t express it without it dies
of they can’t express it without it dies
of they can’t express it without it dies they can’t express disappointment they
they can’t express disappointment they
they can’t express disappointment they can’t do that some of the anger occurs
can’t do that some of the anger occurs
can’t do that some of the anger occurs and they want to dominate the weather
and they want to dominate the weather
and they want to dominate the weather show they’re still dominant in superior
show they’re still dominant in superior
show they’re still dominant in superior and so they abused a person they know
and so they abused a person they know
and so they abused a person they know that they can prove to themselves
that they can prove to themselves
that they can prove to themselves they’re still dominant I used the
they’re still dominant I used the
they’re still dominant I used the talking about abuse because it most
talking about abuse because it most
talking about abuse because it most exemplifies both dominance and the
exemplifies both dominance and the
exemplifies both dominance and the superiority syndrome and it’s easy to
superiority syndrome and it’s easy to
superiority syndrome and it’s easy to see how this works but most men aren’t
see how this works but most men aren’t
see how this works but most men aren’t abusive however it’s very difficult to
abusive however it’s very difficult to
abusive however it’s very difficult to change abuse
change abuse
change abuse because that’s reinforced by US by other
because that’s reinforced by US by other
because that’s reinforced by US by other men in our society and probably by the
men in our society and probably by the
men in our society and probably by the society as a whole but that
society as a whole but that
society as a whole but that reinforcement keeps telling them they
reinforcement keeps telling them they
reinforcement keeps telling them they own that woman they own those children
own that woman they own those children
own that woman they own those children so they can do whatever they want to do
so they can do whatever they want to do
so they can do whatever they want to do with that woman and the children that
with that woman and the children that
with that woman and the children that gets reinforced by the other men that
gets reinforced by the other men that
gets reinforced by the other men that they hang out with so we read out
they hang out with so we read out
they hang out with so we read out primarily with physical violence but
primarily with physical violence but
primarily with physical violence but there’s a whole lot more verbal alive on
there’s a whole lot more verbal alive on
there’s a whole lot more verbal alive on violence when when you don’t want to
violence when when you don’t want to
violence when when you don’t want to give up that dominance and superiority
give up that dominance and superiority
give up that dominance and superiority it is really difficult to make those
it is really difficult to make those
it is really difficult to make those changes so as I said most men aren’t
changes so as I said most men aren’t
changes so as I said most men aren’t violent and abusive but they do buy into
violent and abusive but they do buy into
violent and abusive but they do buy into the superiority syndrome and that keeps
the superiority syndrome and that keeps
the superiority syndrome and that keeps them from visiting their inner core from
them from visiting their inner core from
them from visiting their inner core from becoming familiar with the feelings and
becoming familiar with the feelings and
becoming familiar with the feelings and emotion and things to create the center
emotion and things to create the center
emotion and things to create the center of one’s being so anger as I said is
of one’s being so anger as I said is
of one’s being so anger as I said is acceptable because it says he’s strong
acceptable because it says he’s strong
acceptable because it says he’s strong it’s also cathartic after the anger is
it’s also cathartic after the anger is
it’s also cathartic after the anger is over he feels fine the pain has gone
over he feels fine the pain has gone
over he feels fine the pain has gone away and until the next episode he feels
away and until the next episode he feels
away and until the next episode he feels good
good
good I’d like to propose that we deal with
I’d like to propose that we deal with
I’d like to propose that we deal with pain
pain
pain way I’d like to see us eliminate the
way I’d like to see us eliminate the
way I’d like to see us eliminate the traditional identities as they are
traditional identities as they are
traditional identities as they are associated with men and associated with
associated with men and associated with
associated with men and associated with women and talk instead about a whole
women and talk instead about a whole
women and talk instead about a whole array of human potential that all of
array of human potential that all of
array of human potential that all of those capabilities are accessible to men
those capabilities are accessible to men
those capabilities are accessible to men and women and that will help men and
and women and that will help men and
and women and that will help men and women I find that fulfillment lets women
women I find that fulfillment lets women
women I find that fulfillment lets women in themselves and better identify them
in themselves and better identify them
in themselves and better identify them move toward their full potential so how
move toward their full potential so how
move toward their full potential so how to make that journey well the first
to make that journey well the first
to make that journey well the first thing is don’t do anything except listen
thing is don’t do anything except listen
thing is don’t do anything except listen listen listen listen to your feelings
listen listen listen to your feelings
listen listen listen to your feelings observe your reactions observe your
observe your reactions observe your
observe your reactions observe your actions listen listen the next step is
actions listen listen the next step is
actions listen listen the next step is to own those identities that you’ve been
to own those identities that you’ve been
to own those identities that you’ve been taught and to begin to take charge of
taught and to begin to take charge of
taught and to begin to take charge of your actions your values and your
your actions your values and your
your actions your values and your feelings and out of that you will begin
feelings and out of that you will begin
feelings and out of that you will begin to control yourself not someone else
to control yourself not someone else
to control yourself not someone else yourself so let’s fill the trash can
yourself so let’s fill the trash can
yourself so let’s fill the trash can with those things we don’t need get rid
with those things we don’t need get rid
with those things we don’t need get rid of dominance and superiority they’re not
of dominance and superiority they’re not
of dominance and superiority they’re not a gene they’re not God’s gift they are
a gene they’re not God’s gift they are
a gene they’re not God’s gift they are learned behaviors and we can change
learned behaviors and we can change
learned behaviors and we can change learn behaviors get rid of control over
learn behaviors get rid of control over
learn behaviors get rid of control over another person the only person we can
another person the only person we can
another person the only person we can really control is ourselves the only
really control is ourselves the only
really control is ourselves the only person we can really change is ourself
person we can really change is ourself
person we can really change is ourself and if you can be a good friend and a
and if you can be a good friend and a
and if you can be a good friend and a good partner and you can listen and if
good partner and you can listen and if
good partner and you can listen and if that person who’s trying to make some of
that person who’s trying to make some of
that person who’s trying to make some of those changes is wanting to do that and
those changes is wanting to do that and
those changes is wanting to do that and need your help
need your help
need your help great when once you know great but you
great when once you know great but you
great when once you know great but you can’t change that person get rid of
can’t change that person get rid of
can’t change that person get rid of blame blame is often that thing that we
blame blame is often that thing that we
blame blame is often that thing that we don’t like about ourselves we blame
don’t like about ourselves we blame
don’t like about ourselves we blame someone else for and you know how it
someone else for and you know how it
someone else for and you know how it feels when you get blamed be in touch
feels when you get blamed be in touch
feels when you get blamed be in touch with those feelings and then get rid of
with those feelings and then get rid of
with those feelings and then get rid of who suffers more oh my god I worked so
who suffers more oh my god I worked so
who suffers more oh my god I worked so hard I have to deal with all that crap
hard I have to deal with all that crap
hard I have to deal with all that crap poor me get rid of it it is a it’s a
poor me get rid of it it is a it’s a
poor me get rid of it it is a it’s a justification for hostility we don’t
justification for hostility we don’t
justification for hostility we don’t need those we don’t need any of these
need those we don’t need any of these
need those we don’t need any of these they only inhibit being able to get
they only inhibit being able to get
they only inhibit being able to get inside ourselves know who we really are
inside ourselves know who we really are
inside ourselves know who we really are as opposed to what somebody else tells
as opposed to what somebody else tells
as opposed to what somebody else tells us we are so in summary listen to your
us we are so in summary listen to your
us we are so in summary listen to your feelings they’re your feelings you’re
feelings they’re your feelings you’re
feelings they’re your feelings you’re the only one that can control those
the only one that can control those
the only one that can control those students nobody can control them nobody
students nobody can control them nobody
students nobody can control them nobody makes you feel that way unless you
makes you feel that way unless you
makes you feel that way unless you choose to feel that way
choose to feel that way
choose to feel that way anger is is mostly derived from fear
anger is is mostly derived from fear
anger is is mostly derived from fear when you get angry ask yourself what am
when you get angry ask yourself what am
when you get angry ask yourself what am I
I
I why did I get angry and it can be a
why did I get angry and it can be a
why did I get angry and it can be a little thing but it’s still almost
little thing but it’s still almost
little thing but it’s still almost always based in fear so ask yourself pay
always based in fear so ask yourself pay
always based in fear so ask yourself pay attention to that if you do it
attention to that if you do it
attention to that if you do it frequently enough you begin to get in
frequently enough you begin to get in
frequently enough you begin to get in touch with those feelings that are
touch with those feelings that are
touch with those feelings that are driving that anger as I said earlier all
driving that anger as I said earlier all
driving that anger as I said earlier all the emotions get funneled into anger
the emotions get funneled into anger
the emotions get funneled into anger when you’re not in touch with your core
when you’re not in touch with your core
when you’re not in touch with your core expand your repertoire you have all
expand your repertoire you have all
expand your repertoire you have all these capacities available to you and
these capacities available to you and
these capacities available to you and when you do that you will begin to know
when you do that you will begin to know
when you do that you will begin to know yourself and not what somebody else has
yourself and not what somebody else has
yourself and not what somebody else has told you so
told you so
told you so do you want to be a woman or a man or do
do you want to be a woman or a man or do
do you want to be a woman or a man or do you want to be the best you you can be
you want to be the best you you can be
you want to be the best you you can be so take the challenge be adventurous I
so take the challenge be adventurous I
so take the challenge be adventurous I want to say I’m reminded when I use that
want to say I’m reminded when I use that
want to say I’m reminded when I use that word of a mountain man who’s who was
word of a mountain man who’s who was
word of a mountain man who’s who was once asked are you forget do you ever
once asked are you forget do you ever
once asked are you forget do you ever get lost and he said no I never get lost
get lost and he said no I never get lost
get lost and he said no I never get lost it may take me a month or two to figure
it may take me a month or two to figure
it may take me a month or two to figure out how to get to where I’m going but I
out how to get to where I’m going but I
out how to get to where I’m going but I don’t get lost and I want to sit and use
don’t get lost and I want to sit and use
don’t get lost and I want to sit and use that as an example for all of us to take
that as an example for all of us to take
that as an example for all of us to take that adventure and figure out find the
that adventure and figure out find the
that adventure and figure out find the way to get where you want to go pursue
way to get where you want to go pursue
way to get where you want to go pursue your your potential and enjoy the
your your potential and enjoy the
your your potential and enjoy the journey and I love men that way thank
journey and I love men that way thank
journey and I love men that way thank you
”
Be First to Comment