what is it about some moments in our lives that caused us to call everything
lives that caused us to call everything
lives that caused us to call everything into question about two years ago I
into question about two years ago I
into question about two years ago I thought I had the perfect job I thought
thought I had the perfect job I thought
thought I had the perfect job I thought I had the perfect life I was working
I had the perfect life I was working
I had the perfect life I was working hard to establish my career so that my
hard to establish my career so that my
hard to establish my career so that my family would be taken care of I was
family would be taken care of I was
family would be taken care of I was doing what a lot of a story I was going
doing what a lot of a story I was going
doing what a lot of a story I was going into work early leaving late and then
into work early leaving late and then
into work early leaving late and then rushing home for some quick family time
rushing home for some quick family time
rushing home for some quick family time before sitting in front of the computer
before sitting in front of the computer
before sitting in front of the computer and working hard into the night i was
and working hard into the night i was
and working hard into the night i was working working weekends because well i
working working weekends because well i
working working weekends because well i had to to get all of the job done i had
had to to get all of the job done i had
had to to get all of the job done i had convinced myself that I wasn’t a
convinced myself that I wasn’t a
convinced myself that I wasn’t a workaholic I was a Superman the new
workaholic I was a Superman the new
workaholic I was a Superman the new breed of 24 hour remember I was thinking
breed of 24 hour remember I was thinking
breed of 24 hour remember I was thinking so hard that at first study won’t notice
so hard that at first study won’t notice
so hard that at first study won’t notice it I didn’t notice the lump that had
it I didn’t notice the lump that had
it I didn’t notice the lump that had started making a home for itself in my
started making a home for itself in my
started making a home for itself in my mouth maybe I did notice that I just
mouth maybe I did notice that I just
mouth maybe I did notice that I just chose to ignore it wasn’t until I had
chose to ignore it wasn’t until I had
chose to ignore it wasn’t until I had somewhat of a pronounced at least that I
somewhat of a pronounced at least that I
somewhat of a pronounced at least that I decided it was probably time I had a
decided it was probably time I had a
decided it was probably time I had a chat now as I SAT back in the dentist
chat now as I SAT back in the dentist
chat now as I SAT back in the dentist chair I realized that my life had
chair I realized that my life had
chair I realized that my life had probably changed when I had the dentist
probably changed when I had the dentist
probably changed when I had the dentist gasp now you know when a medical
gasp now you know when a medical
gasp now you know when a medical professional gasps that their next thing
professional gasps that their next thing
professional gasps that their next thing out of their mouth is probably not going
out of their mouth is probably not going
out of their mouth is probably not going to be good news now I remember every
to be good news now I remember every
to be good news now I remember every moment of walking
moment of walking
moment of walking the dentist office that morning but
the dentist office that morning but
the dentist office that morning but particularly I noticed the thoughts of a
particularly I noticed the thoughts of a
particularly I noticed the thoughts of a streaming through my head once of my
streaming through my head once of my
streaming through my head once of my family and my friends there was no one
family and my friends there was no one
family and my friends there was no one thought about work now within the month
thought about work now within the month
thought about work now within the month I had quit my job I’d made the radical
I had quit my job I’d made the radical
I had quit my job I’d made the radical decision to take extended time off work
decision to take extended time off work
decision to take extended time off work I have decided to focus on myself my
I have decided to focus on myself my
I have decided to focus on myself my health my family and to try and
health my family and to try and
health my family and to try and understand where my life had gone wrong
understand where my life had gone wrong
understand where my life had gone wrong now it was not long after this that I
now it was not long after this that I
now it was not long after this that I can cross my journey in my home it was
can cross my journey in my home it was
can cross my journey in my home it was one that I’d written in late nineteen
one that I’d written in late nineteen
one that I’d written in late nineteen ninety nine as part of a backpacking
ninety nine as part of a backpacking
ninety nine as part of a backpacking trip through Europe it was one of those
trip through Europe it was one of those
trip through Europe it was one of those trips you take as a twenty something
trips you take as a twenty something
trips you take as a twenty something year old to find yourself
now I noticed that I posed myself some
now I noticed that I posed myself some questions before going on the trip ones
questions before going on the trip ones
questions before going on the trip ones that i was going to answer along the way
that i was going to answer along the way
that i was going to answer along the way things like what do I want to do with my
things like what do I want to do with my
things like what do I want to do with my life what’s been my greatest mistake and
life what’s been my greatest mistake and
life what’s been my greatest mistake and if I were to die tomorrow how would I
if I were to die tomorrow how would I
if I were to die tomorrow how would I want to be remembered now at the time I
want to be remembered now at the time I
want to be remembered now at the time I thought I was being very deep and
thought I was being very deep and
thought I was being very deep and meaningful I look back on that serious
meaningful I look back on that serious
meaningful I look back on that serious young woman who thought she was going to
young woman who thought she was going to
young woman who thought she was going to find herself from the meaning of life
find herself from the meaning of life
find herself from the meaning of life that didn’t happen but as I SAT there
that didn’t happen but as I SAT there
that didn’t happen but as I SAT there leafing through the journal I found an
leafing through the journal I found an
leafing through the journal I found an entry about halfway through where I’d
entry about halfway through where I’d
entry about halfway through where I’d actually sat down during the tree and
actually sat down during the tree and
actually sat down during the tree and taking time to answer those questions
taking time to answer those questions
taking time to answer those questions and reading it some what 15 years later
and reading it some what 15 years later
and reading it some what 15 years later resonated with me I realized that as a
resonated with me I realized that as a
resonated with me I realized that as a 20 something year old I had set myself a
20 something year old I had set myself a
20 something year old I had set myself a life path so what did I like I wrote
life path so what did I like I wrote
life path so what did I like I wrote that I wanted to be remembered by loved
that I wanted to be remembered by loved
that I wanted to be remembered by loved ones as living a full life someone who
ones as living a full life someone who
ones as living a full life someone who had spent time building the connections
had spent time building the connections
had spent time building the connections with the people in my life my family and
with the people in my life my family and
with the people in my life my family and friends and that has been my priority I
friends and that has been my priority I
friends and that has been my priority I wanted to practice kindness gentleness
wanted to practice kindness gentleness
wanted to practice kindness gentleness and compassion not only with myself but
and compassion not only with myself but
and compassion not only with myself but also with the people in my life now as I
also with the people in my life now as I
also with the people in my life now as I SAT there reading the century I realized
SAT there reading the century I realized
SAT there reading the century I realized the LifePath except for myself some 15
the LifePath except for myself some 15
the LifePath except for myself some 15 years previous I’d straight off
years previous I’d straight off
years previous I’d straight off I realized I’ve been living my CV not my
I realized I’ve been living my CV not my
I realized I’ve been living my CV not my eulogy now in taking time away from work
eulogy now in taking time away from work
eulogy now in taking time away from work it’s allowed me an opportunity to
it’s allowed me an opportunity to
it’s allowed me an opportunity to reflect on the work I do as a clinical
reflect on the work I do as a clinical
reflect on the work I do as a clinical psychologist and the people I see now as
psychologist and the people I see now as
psychologist and the people I see now as a psychologist my job is primarily a
a psychologist my job is primarily a
a psychologist my job is primarily a change agent for people I hope people
change agent for people I hope people
change agent for people I hope people make the required changes in their life
make the required changes in their life
make the required changes in their life for the better I see people every day in
for the better I see people every day in
for the better I see people every day in a great deal of psychological emotional
a great deal of psychological emotional
a great deal of psychological emotional pain regardless of whether they come in
pain regardless of whether they come in
pain regardless of whether they come in to see me for depression anxiety couples
to see me for depression anxiety couples
to see me for depression anxiety couples therapy the underlying motivator tends
therapy the underlying motivator tends
therapy the underlying motivator tends to be paid now as a psychologist I have
to be paid now as a psychologist I have
to be paid now as a psychologist I have an ethical obligation I need to use
an ethical obligation I need to use
an ethical obligation I need to use those treatments from an evidence base
those treatments from an evidence base
those treatments from an evidence base and for most of the difficulties I see
and for most of the difficulties I see
and for most of the difficulties I see from Western people i see that treatment
from Western people i see that treatment
from Western people i see that treatment is cognitive behavior therapy or semi
is cognitive behavior therapy or semi
is cognitive behavior therapy or semi teens now the aim of CBT is to help a
teens now the aim of CBT is to help a
teens now the aim of CBT is to help a person change the behaviors and thoughts
person change the behaviors and thoughts
person change the behaviors and thoughts underline their difficulties so they can
underline their difficulties so they can
underline their difficulties so they can feel better and let’s face it everyone
feel better and let’s face it everyone
feel better and let’s face it everyone who comes to see somebody like me what’s
who comes to see somebody like me what’s
who comes to see somebody like me what’s to feel better but I’m sad to say that
to feel better but I’m sad to say that
to feel better but I’m sad to say that not everyone has helped
let’s take an example one study that
let’s take an example one study that looked at a hundred studies of CBT found
looked at a hundred studies of CBT found
looked at a hundred studies of CBT found that sixteen percent of people who are
that sixteen percent of people who are
that sixteen percent of people who are offered treatment don’t even take it up
offered treatment don’t even take it up
offered treatment don’t even take it up and off those who do start treatment
and off those who do start treatment
and off those who do start treatment over a corner then drop out before the
over a corner then drop out before the
over a corner then drop out before the treatments had a chance to be effective
treatments had a chance to be effective
treatments had a chance to be effective also cbt only has about a medium effect
also cbt only has about a medium effect
also cbt only has about a medium effect size when implemented properly now there
size when implemented properly now there
size when implemented properly now there may be any number of underlying reasons
may be any number of underlying reasons
may be any number of underlying reasons for this but invariably the one I’ve
for this but invariably the one I’ve
for this but invariably the one I’ve seen my practice is a person’s
seen my practice is a person’s
seen my practice is a person’s motivation to change now I may have the
motivation to change now I may have the
motivation to change now I may have the best evidence-based therapies to help
best evidence-based therapies to help
best evidence-based therapies to help someone with an anxiety disorder and
someone with an anxiety disorder and
someone with an anxiety disorder and addiction or to help a cup will save
addiction or to help a cup will save
addiction or to help a cup will save their marriage but unless the person is
their marriage but unless the person is
their marriage but unless the person is motivated to try my suggestions and
motivated to try my suggestions and
motivated to try my suggestions and stick to them I’ve done the middle
stick to them I’ve done the middle
stick to them I’ve done the middle lasting good now as a psychologist I
lasting good now as a psychologist I
lasting good now as a psychologist I understand that I ask people to do
understand that I ask people to do
understand that I ask people to do difficult things I ask them to change
difficult things I ask them to change
difficult things I ask them to change and I know how it changes difficult it’s
and I know how it changes difficult it’s
and I know how it changes difficult it’s confronting it’s uncomfortable if change
confronting it’s uncomfortable if change
confronting it’s uncomfortable if change were easy there below found diets we’d
were easy there below found diets we’d
were easy there below found diets we’d all sleep better unuse resolutions and
all sleep better unuse resolutions and
all sleep better unuse resolutions and stick so sometimes maybe it’s just
stick so sometimes maybe it’s just
stick so sometimes maybe it’s just easier to stay the same to remain with
easier to stay the same to remain with
easier to stay the same to remain with that status quo to not face that unknown
that status quo to not face that unknown
that status quo to not face that unknown Tony Robbins puts it this way change
Tony Robbins puts it this way change
Tony Robbins puts it this way change happens when the pain is staying save is
happens when the pain is staying save is
happens when the pain is staying save is greater than
greater than
greater than change so it seems that we know how to
change so it seems that we know how to
change so it seems that we know how to change what seems to be missing from the
change what seems to be missing from the
change what seems to be missing from the equation is why why should a person
equation is why why should a person
equation is why why should a person change now often when I ask my clients
change now often when I ask my clients
change now often when I ask my clients why they feel changes necessary they’ll
why they feel changes necessary they’ll
why they feel changes necessary they’ll tell me that it’s to avoid something I
tell me that it’s to avoid something I
tell me that it’s to avoid something I don’t want to feel depressed anymore I
don’t want to feel depressed anymore I
don’t want to feel depressed anymore I want to stop procrastinating I want to
want to stop procrastinating I want to
want to stop procrastinating I want to stop fighting with my partner now
stop fighting with my partner now
stop fighting with my partner now perhaps this is part of the problem that
perhaps this is part of the problem that
perhaps this is part of the problem that too often we’re motivated by sense of
too often we’re motivated by sense of
too often we’re motivated by sense of fear regret or guilt a meta-analysis
fear regret or guilt a meta-analysis
fear regret or guilt a meta-analysis that actually looked at 129 different
that actually looked at 129 different
that actually looked at 129 different studies of behavior change strategies
studies of behavior change strategies
studies of behavior change strategies found that the least effective
found that the least effective
found that the least effective strategies were those that averaged a
strategies were those that averaged a
strategies were those that averaged a sense of fear or regret in a person
sense of fear or regret in a person
sense of fear or regret in a person attempting to make the behavior change
attempting to make the behavior change
attempting to make the behavior change so in effect it seems as though not only
so in effect it seems as though not only
so in effect it seems as though not only are we on clear about why we need to
are we on clear about why we need to
are we on clear about why we need to change we may be motivated by the wrong
change we may be motivated by the wrong
change we may be motivated by the wrong things long time ago Mark Twain said
things long time ago Mark Twain said
things long time ago Mark Twain said this I can teach anybody how to get what
this I can teach anybody how to get what
this I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life the problem is I
they want out of life the problem is I
they want out of life the problem is I can’t find anybody you can tell me what
can’t find anybody you can tell me what
can’t find anybody you can tell me what they want
sorry do we have to wait around for our
sorry do we have to wait around for our own aha moment to effect a change in our
own aha moment to effect a change in our
own aha moment to effect a change in our lives absolutely not that’s not what I’m
lives absolutely not that’s not what I’m
lives absolutely not that’s not what I’m suggesting but we do need to develop a
suggesting but we do need to develop a
suggesting but we do need to develop a deeper understanding of who we are and
deeper understanding of who we are and
deeper understanding of who we are and what we want out of life I guess we need
what we want out of life I guess we need
what we want out of life I guess we need an understanding of what our values are
an understanding of what our values are
an understanding of what our values are now our values are our hearts deepest
now our values are our hearts deepest
now our values are our hearts deepest desires about how we want to relate to
desires about how we want to relate to
desires about how we want to relate to ourselves other people the world around
ourselves other people the world around
ourselves other people the world around us they’re leading principles that can
us they’re leading principles that can
us they’re leading principles that can help guide and motivate us as we move
help guide and motivate us as we move
help guide and motivate us as we move through life values are about not only
through life values are about not only
through life values are about not only what we want to do in life but how you
what we want to do in life but how you
what we want to do in life but how you want to go about achieving it now in a
want to go about achieving it now in a
want to go about achieving it now in a sense value sounds somewhat like goals
sense value sounds somewhat like goals
sense value sounds somewhat like goals but varies are not the same as God’s
but varies are not the same as God’s
but varies are not the same as God’s values require ongoing action they’re
values require ongoing action they’re
values require ongoing action they’re like a direction we keep moving in let
like a direction we keep moving in let
like a direction we keep moving in let me give an example a value is like
me give an example a value is like
me give an example a value is like traveling north whereas a goal is like
traveling north whereas a goal is like
traveling north whereas a goal is like the river or the bridge you wanna cross
the river or the bridge you wanna cross
the river or the bridge you wanna cross while traveling in that direction let’s
while traveling in that direction let’s
while traveling in that direction let’s take a more personal example recently I
take a more personal example recently I
take a more personal example recently I had someone come into my practice and
had someone come into my practice and
had someone come into my practice and they told me that they wanted
they told me that they wanted
they told me that they wanted caring loving relationships in their
caring loving relationships in their
caring loving relationships in their life now that’s the value that’s going
life now that’s the value that’s going
life now that’s the value that’s going to require ongoing action from them now
to require ongoing action from them now
to require ongoing action from them now they also mentioned the one day they’d
they also mentioned the one day they’d
they also mentioned the one day they’d like to get married that’s a goal it can
like to get married that’s a goal it can
like to get married that’s a goal it can be tipped off once it’s achieved so the
be tipped off once it’s achieved so the
be tipped off once it’s achieved so the first step in living your eulogy is to
first step in living your eulogy is to
first step in living your eulogy is to get an understanding of what your values
get an understanding of what your values
get an understanding of what your values are now there’s some key questions that
are now there’s some key questions that
are now there’s some key questions that you can ask yourself to start this
you can ask yourself to start this
you can ask yourself to start this process deep down what’s important to
process deep down what’s important to
process deep down what’s important to you what qualities would you like to
you what qualities would you like to
you what qualities would you like to embody as a person how do you want to
embody as a person how do you want to
embody as a person how do you want to relate to people in your life now on
relate to people in your life now on
relate to people in your life now on reflection you might decide that your
reflection you might decide that your
reflection you might decide that your values are being honest having loving
values are being honest having loving
values are being honest having loving relationships abdomen courage now as you
relationships abdomen courage now as you
relationships abdomen courage now as you can see values don’t have to be
can see values don’t have to be
can see values don’t have to be complicated in fact in my opinion that’s
complicated in fact in my opinion that’s
complicated in fact in my opinion that’s more simple they are the better because
more simple they are the better because
more simple they are the better because it’s easier then to incorporate them in
it’s easier then to incorporate them in
it’s easier then to incorporate them in your everyday life and that’s the next
your everyday life and that’s the next
your everyday life and that’s the next step of living your eulogy incorporating
step of living your eulogy incorporating
step of living your eulogy incorporating these values in practical ways in your
these values in practical ways in your
these values in practical ways in your everyday life now you do this by
everyday life now you do this by
everyday life now you do this by developing a set of goals based on your
developing a set of goals based on your
developing a set of goals based on your values and then engaging in behaviors to
values and then engaging in behaviors to
values and then engaging in behaviors to help you reach those goals so I’ll
help you reach those goals so I’ll
help you reach those goals so I’ll affect your behaviors becoming values in
affect your behaviors becoming values in
affect your behaviors becoming values in action now for some behaviors this will
action now for some behaviors this will
action now for some behaviors this will be reasonably easy to implement the
be reasonably easy to implement the
be reasonably easy to implement the difficulty arises when your value
difficulty arises when your value
difficulty arises when your value congruent behaviors are inconsistent
congruent behaviors are inconsistent
congruent behaviors are inconsistent with ingrain into ritual behaviors that
with ingrain into ritual behaviors that
with ingrain into ritual behaviors that you already have now neuroscience tells
you already have now neuroscience tells
you already have now neuroscience tells us that behaviors particularly habitual
us that behaviors particularly habitual
us that behaviors particularly habitual behaviors are incredibly difficult to
behaviors are incredibly difficult to
behaviors are incredibly difficult to change so how do you break about have it
change so how do you break about have it
change so how do you break about have it when it’s interfering with the new
when it’s interfering with the new
when it’s interfering with the new behavior neuroscience provides a Swede
behavior neuroscience provides a Swede
behavior neuroscience provides a Swede two clues the first is that habits are
two clues the first is that habits are
two clues the first is that habits are triggered they’re triggered by cues
triggered they’re triggered by cues
triggered they’re triggered by cues situations and events the second is
situations and events the second is
situations and events the second is habits of persistent so how do we break
habits of persistent so how do we break
habits of persistent so how do we break a bad habit if it is interfering with
a bad habit if it is interfering with
a bad habit if it is interfering with our very immoral behavior research shows
our very immoral behavior research shows
our very immoral behavior research shows us that one of the most effective ways
us that one of the most effective ways
us that one of the most effective ways of doing this comes from a centuries-old
of doing this comes from a centuries-old
of doing this comes from a centuries-old practice found in a range of Eastern
practice found in a range of Eastern
practice found in a range of Eastern philosophies is called mindfulness
philosophies is called mindfulness
philosophies is called mindfulness mindfulness is about paying attention in
mindfulness is about paying attention in
mindfulness is about paying attention in the present
the present
the present with openness flexibility and curiosity
with openness flexibility and curiosity
with openness flexibility and curiosity is what Jon kabat-zinn calls the art of
is what Jon kabat-zinn calls the art of
is what Jon kabat-zinn calls the art of conscious living a simple definition of
conscious living a simple definition of
conscious living a simple definition of mindfulness is paying attention in a
mindfulness is paying attention in a
mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way on purpose in the present
particular way on purpose in the present
particular way on purpose in the present moment and non-judgmentally research on
moment and non-judgmentally research on
moment and non-judgmentally research on mindfulness is finding that we focused
mindfulness is finding that we focused
mindfulness is finding that we focused attention and mind for action you can
attention and mind for action you can
attention and mind for action you can push through resistance and start to
push through resistance and start to
push through resistance and start to rewire some of these habitual behaviors
so the next step is starting to pay
so the next step is starting to pay attention carefully to win what where
attention carefully to win what where
attention carefully to win what where why have it might be triggered once
why have it might be triggered once
why have it might be triggered once you’re aware of the trigger the trick is
you’re aware of the trigger the trick is
you’re aware of the trigger the trick is to consciously and mindful II replace
to consciously and mindful II replace
to consciously and mindful II replace that habit with the new value control
that habit with the new value control
that habit with the new value control behavior now mindfulness can also help
behavior now mindfulness can also help
behavior now mindfulness can also help you to stay on track with your eulogy
you to stay on track with your eulogy
you to stay on track with your eulogy you can ask yourself some questions like
you can ask yourself some questions like
you can ask yourself some questions like is this behavior helpful this is thought
is this behavior helpful this is thought
is this behavior helpful this is thought helpful in this moment am i living my
helpful in this moment am i living my
helpful in this moment am i living my eulogy overall am i leading a valued
eulogy overall am i leading a valued
eulogy overall am i leading a valued de life now with all this talk about a
de life now with all this talk about a
de life now with all this talk about a meaningful life I’m sure at least some
meaningful life I’m sure at least some
meaningful life I’m sure at least some of you are reminded of the iconic Monte
of you are reminded of the iconic Monte
of you are reminded of the iconic Monte python movie the meaning of life the
python movie the meaning of life the
python movie the meaning of life the final message of the movie is very
final message of the movie is very
final message of the movie is very relevant to the torque I’ve been giving
relevant to the torque I’ve been giving
relevant to the torque I’ve been giving today and the message itself is
today and the message itself is
today and the message itself is beautiful in its simplicity it goes like
beautiful in its simplicity it goes like
beautiful in its simplicity it goes like this try and be nice to people avoiding
this try and be nice to people avoiding
this try and be nice to people avoiding in fact really good book every now and
in fact really good book every now and
in fact really good book every now and then try and get some more care and
then try and get some more care and
then try and get some more care and importantly try and live in peace and
importantly try and live in peace and
importantly try and live in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and
harmony with people of all creeds and
harmony with people of all creeds and nations it sounds so simple doesn’t so
nations it sounds so simple doesn’t so
nations it sounds so simple doesn’t so my challenge to you all today is this
my challenge to you all today is this
my challenge to you all today is this whatever your meaning of life whatever
whatever your meaning of life whatever
whatever your meaning of life whatever you want to be remembered for embrace it
you want to be remembered for embrace it
you want to be remembered for embrace it now live it now because really if not
now live it now because really if not
now live it now because really if not now when how are you give your eulogy
now when how are you give your eulogy
now when how are you give your eulogy thank you
”
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