imagine a conversation from your everyday life a scene from your everyday
everyday life a scene from your everyday
everyday life a scene from your everyday life a staff meeting dinner with friends
life a staff meeting dinner with friends
life a staff meeting dinner with friends a family holiday the conversation turns
a family holiday the conversation turns
a family holiday the conversation turns to disagreement about race or racism
to disagreement about race or racism
to disagreement about race or racism instead of getting tense and losing your
instead of getting tense and losing your
instead of getting tense and losing your breath you breathe deeper relax and lean
breath you breathe deeper relax and lean
breath you breathe deeper relax and lean in by the time the dinner is done or the
in by the time the dinner is done or the
in by the time the dinner is done or the meeting is over you feel peaceful
meeting is over you feel peaceful
meeting is over you feel peaceful relaxed and connected now this might
relaxed and connected now this might
relaxed and connected now this might sound far-fetched but what if I told you
sound far-fetched but what if I told you
sound far-fetched but what if I told you it’s absolutely possible if you’re
it’s absolutely possible if you’re
it’s absolutely possible if you’re willing to practice holding space for
willing to practice holding space for
willing to practice holding space for transformation as a college professor
transformation as a college professor
transformation as a college professor racial justice mentor and author when I
racial justice mentor and author when I
racial justice mentor and author when I ask people why is it so hard to have
ask people why is it so hard to have
ask people why is it so hard to have conversations across the color line
conversations across the color line
conversations across the color line about race there are two common
about race there are two common
about race there are two common responses from whites afraid to say the
responses from whites afraid to say the
responses from whites afraid to say the wrong thing from people of color
wrong thing from people of color
wrong thing from people of color exhaustion holding space for
exhaustion holding space for
exhaustion holding space for transformation gives you a way to have
transformation gives you a way to have
transformation gives you a way to have conversations across the color line
conversations across the color line
conversations across the color line without getting exhausted and without
without getting exhausted and without
without getting exhausted and without being overcome by fear neon expands
being overcome by fear neon expands
being overcome by fear neon expands defines holding space for transformation
defines holding space for transformation
defines holding space for transformation as being unconditional love and
as being unconditional love and
as being unconditional love and unconditional acceptance and in my book
unconditional acceptance and in my book
unconditional acceptance and in my book I add while standing in the ground of
I add while standing in the ground of
I add while standing in the ground of your values for justice inclusion or
your values for justice inclusion or
your values for justice inclusion or whatever they might be what I love about
whatever they might be what I love about
whatever they might be what I love about holding space for transformation is that
holding space for transformation is that
holding space for transformation is that it takes a shift a conversation from
it takes a shift a conversation from
it takes a shift a conversation from being a debate with winners and losers
being a debate with winners and losers
being a debate with winners and losers to be more of a journey a discovery of
to be more of a journey a discovery of
to be more of a journey a discovery of blind spots assumptions connections and
blind spots assumptions connections and
blind spots assumptions connections and compassion what I know from almost 30
compassion what I know from almost 30
compassion what I know from almost 30 years of teaching writing and performing
years of teaching writing and performing
years of teaching writing and performing for racial justice is that most people
for racial justice is that most people
for racial justice is that most people don’t change their don’t change based on
don’t change their don’t change based on
don’t change their don’t change based on facts they change based on feelings
facts they change based on feelings
facts they change based on feelings stories and human connection
so for conversations about race to be
so for conversations about race to be productive we need more than an open
productive we need more than an open
productive we need more than an open mind we need a whole new context the
mind we need a whole new context the
mind we need a whole new context the context of unconditional love and
context of unconditional love and
context of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance so today I want
unconditional acceptance so today I want
unconditional acceptance so today I want to share with you how you can hold space
to share with you how you can hold space
to share with you how you can hold space for transformation and your everyday
for transformation and your everyday
for transformation and your everyday interactions where by bringing being
interactions where by bringing being
interactions where by bringing being heartfully and mindfully present you can
heartfully and mindfully present you can
heartfully and mindfully present you can generate more peace and understanding
generate more peace and understanding
generate more peace and understanding with your neighbors in your community I
with your neighbors in your community I
with your neighbors in your community I would argue that this is more important
would argue that this is more important
would argue that this is more important at this moment in 2017 when our nation
at this moment in 2017 when our nation
at this moment in 2017 when our nation is so divided and false dichotomies
is so divided and false dichotomies
is so divided and false dichotomies abound history shows us that when we
abound history shows us that when we
abound history shows us that when we fall into us-versus-them thinking when
fall into us-versus-them thinking when
fall into us-versus-them thinking when we demonize whole groups of people we’re
we demonize whole groups of people we’re
we demonize whole groups of people we’re laying the groundwork for spirals of
laying the groundwork for spirals of
laying the groundwork for spirals of violence slavery and even genocide
violence slavery and even genocide
violence slavery and even genocide so with those stakes let’s take a closer
so with those stakes let’s take a closer
so with those stakes let’s take a closer look at what it means to hold space for
look at what it means to hold space for
look at what it means to hold space for transformation let me start by saying
transformation let me start by saying
transformation let me start by saying what it’s not it is not about agreeing
what it’s not it is not about agreeing
what it’s not it is not about agreeing with someone in fact this most important
with someone in fact this most important
with someone in fact this most important to hold space when you disagree
to hold space when you disagree
to hold space when you disagree similarly it’s not about liking someone
similarly it’s not about liking someone
similarly it’s not about liking someone holding space to transformation is more
holding space to transformation is more
holding space to transformation is more like
like
like minding yourself to allow unconditional
minding yourself to allow unconditional
minding yourself to allow unconditional love and unconditional acceptance to
love and unconditional acceptance to
love and unconditional acceptance to flow through you and finally it’s not
flow through you and finally it’s not
flow through you and finally it’s not about suppressing your feelings if
about suppressing your feelings if
about suppressing your feelings if you’re feeling flooded by anger sadness
you’re feeling flooded by anger sadness
you’re feeling flooded by anger sadness or hurt then that is not a good time for
or hurt then that is not a good time for
or hurt then that is not a good time for you to practice holding space for
you to practice holding space for
you to practice holding space for transformation let me show you how we
transformation let me show you how we
transformation let me show you how we work in a conversation just imagine that
work in a conversation just imagine that
work in a conversation just imagine that someone says something that reflects
someone says something that reflects
someone says something that reflects their bias before you say anything to
their bias before you say anything to
their bias before you say anything to the other person you get your feet on
the other person you get your feet on
the other person you get your feet on the ground take a deep breath roll your
the ground take a deep breath roll your
the ground take a deep breath roll your shoulders down and check in with
shoulders down and check in with
shoulders down and check in with yourself are you feeling hungry tired or
yourself are you feeling hungry tired or
yourself are you feeling hungry tired or hurt if you are then this might not be
hurt if you are then this might not be
hurt if you are then this might not be the time for you to hold space for
the time for you to hold space for
the time for you to hold space for transformation you can try it another
transformation you can try it another
transformation you can try it another time but when you check in and if you
time but when you check in and if you
time but when you check in and if you find yourself feeling stable grounded
find yourself feeling stable grounded
find yourself feeling stable grounded then go ahead and set the intention to
then go ahead and set the intention to
then go ahead and set the intention to be unconditional love and unconditional
be unconditional love and unconditional
be unconditional love and unconditional acceptance only after you’ve done this
acceptance only after you’ve done this
acceptance only after you’ve done this what I suggest you engage the other
what I suggest you engage the other
what I suggest you engage the other person and you might ask a question make
person and you might ask a question make
person and you might ask a question make a comment or even simply make eye
a comment or even simply make eye
a comment or even simply make eye contact you don’t have to scour your
contact you don’t have to scour your
contact you don’t have to scour your brain for something brilliant or
brain for something brilliant or
brain for something brilliant or insightful to say that will show them
insightful to say that will show them
insightful to say that will show them the light just be with your breath be
the light just be with your breath be
the light just be with your breath be with your intention whatever comes will
with your intention whatever comes will
with your intention whatever comes will be what is needed in that moment now you
be what is needed in that moment now you
be what is needed in that moment now you might say Amanda if it was that easy we
might say Amanda if it was that easy we
might say Amanda if it was that easy we would not be this stuck and you’re right
would not be this stuck and you’re right
would not be this stuck and you’re right holding space for transformation is
holding space for transformation is
holding space for transformation is simple but not easy ease comes with
simple but not easy ease comes with
simple but not easy ease comes with practice and you can prep
practice and you can prep
practice and you can prep by just taking five minutes at the
by just taking five minutes at the
by just taking five minutes at the beginning of your day or when you go to
beginning of your day or when you go to
beginning of your day or when you go to sleep put your feet on the ground take a
sleep put your feet on the ground take a
sleep put your feet on the ground take a deep breath and just intend being
deep breath and just intend being
deep breath and just intend being unconditional love and unconditional
unconditional love and unconditional
unconditional love and unconditional acceptance towards someone you already
acceptance towards someone you already
acceptance towards someone you already like once you have that sense memory
like once you have that sense memory
like once you have that sense memory inside your body you can pull it up in a
inside your body you can pull it up in a
inside your body you can pull it up in a more difficult situation let me give you
more difficult situation let me give you
more difficult situation let me give you an example from my personal life about a
an example from my personal life about a
an example from my personal life about a year or so ago a white co-worker
year or so ago a white co-worker
year or so ago a white co-worker approached me he said he want to talk to
approached me he said he want to talk to
approached me he said he want to talk to me about black lives matter he does what
me about black lives matter he does what
me about black lives matter he does what I do and and I know from hearing over
I do and and I know from hearing over
I do and and I know from hearing over having overheard him that what he really
having overheard him that what he really
having overheard him that what he really wanted to talk about was white lives
wanted to talk about was white lives
wanted to talk about was white lives should matter more in the conversation
should matter more in the conversation
should matter more in the conversation that we’re having about black lives
that we’re having about black lives
that we’re having about black lives mattering so I took a deep breath I
mattering so I took a deep breath I
mattering so I took a deep breath I checked in with myself and I saw that I
checked in with myself and I saw that I
checked in with myself and I saw that I had the space to be with him and I
had the space to be with him and I
had the space to be with him and I realized I had that space because I have
realized I had that space because I have
realized I had that space because I have been doing all kinds of self compassion
been doing all kinds of self compassion
been doing all kinds of self compassion and mindfulness work so I said yes I
and mindfulness work so I said yes I
and mindfulness work so I said yes I have a conversation with you about this
have a conversation with you about this
have a conversation with you about this and I put my feet on the ground and I
and I put my feet on the ground and I
and I put my feet on the ground and I set the intention to be unconditional
set the intention to be unconditional
set the intention to be unconditional love and unconditional acceptance I
mostly listen ask a question here or
mostly listen ask a question here or there and my coworker talked and as he
there and my coworker talked and as he
there and my coworker talked and as he talked he solely began to talk himself
talked he solely began to talk himself
talked he solely began to talk himself out of some of his opinions he started
out of some of his opinions he started
out of some of his opinions he started questioning his news his news sources he
questioning his news his news sources he
questioning his news his news sources he started to wonder well maybe he just
started to wonder well maybe he just
started to wonder well maybe he just started to have some openness and some
started to have some openness and some
started to have some openness and some uncertainty I was encouraged by his
uncertainty I was encouraged by his
uncertainty I was encouraged by his openness and so I asked him
openness and so I asked him
openness and so I asked him would you like to know what it’s like
would you like to know what it’s like
would you like to know what it’s like for me he said yes so I said very simply
for me he said yes so I said very simply
for me he said yes so I said very simply every time my teenage son leaves the
every time my teenage son leaves the
every time my teenage son leaves the house I am filled with dread and fear
house I am filled with dread and fear
house I am filled with dread and fear that he will have an interaction with
that he will have an interaction with
that he will have an interaction with the police and not come back now I don’t
the police and not come back now I don’t
the police and not come back now I don’t know if that man will ever show up at a
know if that man will ever show up at a
know if that man will ever show up at a vigil or rally for black lives but I do
vigil or rally for black lives but I do
vigil or rally for black lives but I do know that in that conversation he gained
know that in that conversation he gained
know that in that conversation he gained more empathy and understanding for the
more empathy and understanding for the
more empathy and understanding for the people behind those kinds of slogans in
people behind those kinds of slogans in
people behind those kinds of slogans in conclusion I want to remind us all that
conclusion I want to remind us all that
conclusion I want to remind us all that the stakes are really high people are
the stakes are really high people are
the stakes are really high people are dying
dying
dying we absolutely need more justice and it’s
we absolutely need more justice and it’s
we absolutely need more justice and it’s not enough to be right we’ve got to
not enough to be right we’ve got to
not enough to be right we’ve got to connect with people who don’t already
connect with people who don’t already
connect with people who don’t already agree with us holding space for
agree with us holding space for
agree with us holding space for transformation is a powerful choice it
transformation is a powerful choice it
transformation is a powerful choice it gives us a way to take care of ourselves
gives us a way to take care of ourselves
gives us a way to take care of ourselves emotionally and to connect with other
emotionally and to connect with other
emotionally and to connect with other people and I would say to our higher
people and I would say to our higher
people and I would say to our higher deeper source we need this now more than
deeper source we need this now more than
deeper source we need this now more than ever
ever
ever thank you
thank you
thank you you
”
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